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Letters


Letters to Sara

Issues

So I've been on here on and off for a few years and this time a few months
now.
Is it just me or has this site become a counselling forum?
A lot of men I've spoken to have so many issues from low self esteem,no
confidence,problems in there marriage,mental illness and bedroom complaints.
I spend days talking and building their self confidence up, boosting their
ego only to be ghosted and find them online looking for the next person to
boost them up,they have no intention of meeting someone.
I'm not here to help you overcome your problems if you need counselling pay
to see one.
Here we are looking for an easy trouble free affair.
And from what I hear women are just as needy,bored housewives who's husband
ignore them wanting attention and to be desired again but with no intention
of taking it further than just chatting.
Please leave your issues at home and just enjoy what is supposed to be an
escape from your real life for the sake of the people who are here for that
purpose.

80 members like this.

Comments (56)

Mature and alive - 03 May, 2019 - 02:36PM

Quite so.

ClassyLady77 - 27 Apr, 2019 - 07:29PM

Well I am a here to meet and have fun with.. only those who I meet I open up too..

By meet I mean just coffee or a drink and see how we click etc..

Amitrajb48 - 21 Apr, 2019 - 10:34AM

As a guy I can understand your frustration having previously encountered similar frustration when I was on IE a few months back - Endless women wanting nothing more than to chat - not even ready to meet for a friendly coffee .....

The number of people both men and women who just want to look at photos is ridiculous - am sure there are other sites for that . People on here should have a clear idea of what joining here means and what genuine users are looking for .....

1 member likes this comment.

Bill64 - 17 Apr, 2019 - 08:21PM

WHAT is it with some men and blow jobs ,if you dont do them which i DONT and not changing for anyone they ditch you like a hot potato as im honest from start ,but thankfully not all men are like that and some are more giving ..

1 member likes this comment.

Bill64 - 17 Apr, 2019 - 08:11PM

Most of genuine people are on here for sex ,hot and heavy take away the frustration sex ,but im finding most men want what there partners at home wont give them in the bedroom whether it be weird or kinky ,now im no prude and love sex but im a wife too why should i be expected to do what their wifes wont if its not my thing obviously .....

Bill64 - 14 Apr, 2019 - 06:25PM

Time wasters are 10 a penny on here ,start to chat and then silence ,what ever the reason manners cost nothing !!!!!!!!!

Bill64 - 13 Apr, 2019 - 10:31AM

Wish i had a £1 for every profile view i had ,id be rich ! ,but my main issue is its always people hundreds of miles away so if they do get in touch its pointless ,i know a few dont put there actual location on ,but i would check out their location before i message saves wasting precious time ,i sound jaded about here maybe i am ,but life is short and ive spent too much of it being wasted here ...

1 member likes this comment.

Mature and alive - 07 Apr, 2019 - 05:30AM

I'm new here and can see the disappointment and excitement that all this messaging can bring. All part of the game here by the looks of it. I suppose that what you find or get depends on Many things . We are all different and prone to wandering or we wouldn't be here.. it looks to me some people use this part of the platform like some who use work meetings to try and sound better than the rest. If i read and think why have they said that a lot of fun will come my way. I'm going to enjoy reading all this from the genuine questioners, the bullshiters, the articulate, the inarticulate and hopefully the amusing . Nice one about the annoyance of the seemingly endless messaging disappear in to bugger all. That is what I could do if I'm not careful. Advice taken!

2 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 04 Apr, 2019 - 10:13PM

After one disaster of a meet on here ,due to him being a using ,lying coward ,it made me very jaded and nearly left here ,and i probably put a lot of guys off as i was very curt with them ,but my trust was broken ,so only the persistent and genuine ended up chatting longer with me ,,,would love to know how other females have coped on here / ? not the bored housewifes living out a fantasy by chatting only ,but the ones who really actually wanted to meet ,another thread for that would be good .....

1 member likes this comment.

1140862-Scheduled For Deletion - 03 Apr, 2019 - 05:36AM

People have hangups don't they. Move on and find what you are really here for. Release, escape, pleasure, fun, and no harm done. Don't condem someone for being human.

1 member likes this comment.

Bill64 - 25 Mar, 2019 - 05:16PM

Im worried and nervous of scaring off my "friend " with the are we exclusive conversation ! it never comes up ! dont want to make them feel trapped as we are all here for an escape ! my reason for thinking about being exclusive is not that id be jealous but that as our time is precious i dont want to share what little time we do have with each other with someone else ,who might push me out altogether .do i just enjoy and say nothing or risk it all /???????????/

2 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 18 Mar, 2019 - 10:48PM

Beauty is only skin deep ...and handsome is as handsome does { finding out looks are really not everything as after great chat you meet up they are never going to be George Clooney etc and im no model either ,but the flirty chat is as much a turn etc as anything NEVER right anyone of from how they look they can have a sexy as hell personality ...

1 member likes this comment.

Bill64 - 17 Mar, 2019 - 10:52PM

Cocky gits who think they are the bees knees ,and when you turn them down for whatever reason( (i finally met a nice decent guy ) thinks telling you your are missing out will make you change your mind ,EH NO !!!! good luck MR over confidence ....

2 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 17 Mar, 2019 - 09:00PM

I am neither needy or seeking endless attention

There are some female members who are just seeking to take time out with a kindred soul no more no less than that

4 members like this comment.

HappyGuy - 14 Mar, 2019 - 11:35AM

Haha....love this thread.....and although I empathise with many of the views, I have to say that the majority of women on here play their own games - as I don't chat to men then I can't say that it is the same although I anticipate so. Life online through this sort of site is bound to be about playing games; some more than others.

3 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 13 Mar, 2019 - 11:21PM

Probably because they dont get it at home either ,the times once into the sex conversation ive been passed over as i dont enjoy blow jobs ,im not a prude just not my thing ,,,best getting it out there ,rather than waiting till the 11th as then its too late ...

Iwonderif72? - 12 Mar, 2019 - 06:35PM

I wonder sometimes whether its a bit of gender stereotyping at play.
Some men are looking for the 'nice, caring female' to listen to them- feeling that is missing at home. Whilst that may be- I don't think generally the women here want to listen to a man's woes. That's not what brings us here on the whole. Maybe we are after fun, sex and a good old fashioned affair!! We aren't looking for a husband to care for- have one of those at home.

9 members like this comment.

unhappy123 - 10 Mar, 2019 - 12:45PM

THIS made me howl!
ALL men have issues!....
That's why i dont have one full time ;-)

11 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 09 Mar, 2019 - 08:59PM

If anyone gets in touch that i think is too far away ,i always say that i think there is no point in chatting and they agree ,but the odd one still wants to saying if there is a connection we can over come it ,sorry i dont think so ,its hard enough without the added miles .//

3 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 09 Mar, 2019 - 09:49AM

Its nice to get messages from guys who seem interested until you see they are at the other end of the country ,ok they might travel for work ,but still those logistics wont work ,as most peoples time is limited ,im lucky as my "friend " meets me within a 50 mile radius from me ,so not too much time away to explain if need be ....

1 member likes this comment.

stoppress - 08 Mar, 2019 - 10:46PM

To be fair, it works both ways. I think there are many women in here who are just after online flirting and no meeting
I'd love to meet someone, but I spend lots of time talking to ladies where the conversation goes nowhere...

8 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 08 Mar, 2019 - 02:12PM

Gymfit8 - I ask myself why do they put up with this crappy life at home ... then realise that their marriage is crap and perhaps they need to do something about it.

Sometimes there is little that CAN be done about a crappy marriage.
Sometimes its due to children, I was in a horrible marriage and knew if I did something about it the quality of life for the children would not be there. THEY would suffer more.
Sometimes people do care on some level for their partners just elements missing and have NO intention of causing hurt by ending the marriage.
Many husbands know the wife would not have the quality of life they have now, and even though its not ideal, are not going to take that from them, because they are decent!
... and so on

Its not always simple, was not in my case, may be that's why I have so much compassion for others in the 'my situation is complicated' tick box ...

4 members like this comment.

Amber18 - 07 Mar, 2019 - 11:24PM

Totally agree - so fed up with guys who just want to chat!! Told one last week that I didn’t want to chat to a complete stranger on line that I’d never even met and if he didn’t want to meet me for a coffee then not to message me again. He said he was nervous about meeting and wanted to chat more first!! I mean WTF? I joined the site for sex. I’ve got my husband, kids and friends to chat to!!

18 members like this comment.

Hattie 50 - 07 Mar, 2019 - 11:06PM

I’m not sure all the women here are bored housewives. Nothing like a sweeping generalisation.

6 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 06 Mar, 2019 - 06:13PM

sunbed320 - 02 Mar, 2019 - 12:08PM
" IE maybe add a checkbox saying Real or Cyber - that would be so helpful!"

Yes but only if people are honest about it ... the main problem being discussed is that people are not being honest about what they want so it's doubtful if they'll be prepared to tick the correct the box.

5 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 06 Mar, 2019 - 12:05PM

Im finding the issue of when you do find a partner ,you have to talk to each other about being exclusive to each other ,BUT saying and doing are 2 different things ,my only issue with this would be id worry that whoever else they are seeing would be for whatever reason ,distance ,more time or just they fancy them more that id be pushed out or on the back burner ,once they found this person ! or should we just get on with it as with our parners at home what you dont know wont hurt you ???????

Gymfit8 - 05 Mar, 2019 - 06:11PM

I really like this letter because I have just been seeing a man who has marriage issues, troubled expression and takes awhile to relax when we meet that it affects our relationship. We have a great time together and great sex when he lets himself go.

I ask myself why do they put up with this crappy life at home and just carry on and jump on IE as a cry for help and then realise that their marriage is crap and perhaps they need to do something about it.

It's bizarre I don't get it.

10 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 05 Mar, 2019 - 05:04PM

tea_coffee_me_ - 01 Mar, 2019 - 03:29PM

Your situation is slightly different as you are not married therefore you can afford to tell your friends about being on IE. I'm sure it is rather different for married people. Also, friendships can turn sour and it is too big [and too tempting] a secret for an ex-friend to hold over you.

As for myself, I'm "single" but I still wouldn't tell any of my friends about being on IE ... a few I would trust with my life but not with this particular piece of information!

4 members like this comment.

1178507-Deleted - 05 Mar, 2019 - 04:14PM

I also have been here a couple of times and I have to say, have been let down on many occasion. I make the effort and write and text, chat etc, but it seems that when putting your money where your mouth is, failure to turn up happens!

I agree with the writer, here for a trouble free affair. We know why we are here, what we are here for. Should be easy one thinks.

Even when you are in an ideal situation, it doesn't seem to help!

I watch and wait with interest.

2 members like this comment.

leighdelamere - 05 Mar, 2019 - 03:52PM

There's no pleasing some people..maybe they should give up?

john.drake - 05 Mar, 2019 - 08:20AM

I have been on IE on and off for a number of years.
There clearly have always been ‘ just chatterers’ who have no intention of meeting, but this seems to be the norm these days. If that’s you please say so at the outset.
I know it is not easy to arrange a secret rendezvouse but but trying and achieving is part of the turn of an illicit affair.
Some ladies do seem genuine and interested but just vanish without any real conversation. It takes time and effort to get to know someone and you can’t judge sexual chemistry from a photo.
Having said that I am currently chatting with one person and hoping to meet - wish me luck!

6 members like this comment.

sunbed320 - 02 Mar, 2019 - 12:08PM

Perhaps the reason more people these days are treating this site as just another chatroom is that the "Type of Relationship Sought" options available from when writing your profile could all be taken to mean either a "real" physical relationship or a purely cyber one.
And cyber is much more widespread nowadays, because social media are everywhere.

So, IE maybe add a checkbox saying Real or Cyber - that would be so helpful!

8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 01 Mar, 2019 - 04:02PM


Saralettershere - 28 Feb, 2019 - 08:41PM
Bill64 - 27 Feb, 2019 - 10:11AM

Where there's a will, there's a way ... it can be done, it has been done ... you just have to think outside the box! :-)

2 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 01 Mar, 2019 - 03:29PM

Saralettershere - The issue with this whole thing is that we end up internalising everything. Can't tell our partners (obvs) and can't trust friends.

- A few years in I did tell one friend, and considering its completely against her moral code, was great. She understood my reasons and knew I would not turn into someone demanding they leave their wives etc.
- I finally told another friend and she was hugely relieved saying, 'I am so glad you are going out!'. Single mum with children with very little time for me, (and no one interested in being a 2nd husband to me) she was just happy I was having SOME break from it lol!!
- You MAY be surprised how friends take it....

2 members like this comment.

1294760-Deleted - 01 Mar, 2019 - 12:10PM

It sounds to me that some of these guys with issues need talk therapy and also need to learn about compartmentalizing the affair aspect of their life. I'm not being cold but this is supposed to an escape from our day to day lives and meant to be fun. I appreciate though that some guys may get this from the women as well.

3 members like this comment.

Saralettershere - 28 Feb, 2019 - 08:41PM

Bill64 - I like that idea! Like this one guy who sent me nasty messages and one about my body size etc. I reported him but he is still here. He obviously has an issue with women. I had not even communicated with him before! Imagine getting into an affair with him?

The issue with this whole thing is that we end up internalising everything. Can't tell our partners (obvs) and can't trust friends.

10 members like this comment.

Temping - 28 Feb, 2019 - 10:30AM

Pintobeans - 28 Feb, 2019 - 07:57AM

That is quite a broad sweep you make.
Some women also make a special effort to read profiles and send messages to which most men do not answer.

Pintobeans - 28 Feb, 2019 - 07:57AM

It's different for men and women here. Men have to make a special effort to read and send messages that women don't have to make. That alone makes for the biggest difference in motivation, approach, expectation and behaviour here between men and women. It cannot be a level playing field with equal stakes.

7 members like this comment.

1273237-Deleted - 27 Feb, 2019 - 03:51PM

Sexybexy......i know exactly what you mean!!!

2 members like this comment.

BT2019 - 27 Feb, 2019 - 01:22PM

I agree that we are all flawed in one way or another, the issue is how aware we of our flaws..

After being back on the site from a while ago, that views have become more polarised. That men are looking predominately for sex and the women are looking for intimacy and never the twain will meet.

3 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 27 Feb, 2019 - 10:11AM

I agree. When I first joined this site I thought it would be easy to find someone in the same boat as myself: happily married but missing sexual intimacy. But such guys are like hen's teeth! Some have terrible relationships which I simply don't want to get involved with. Others are still having sexual relations with their partners but are looking to add further notches to their bedposts...whatever the cost. Then there is the legion who don't have the nerve either to make or to turn up to a date. I'm so fed up I'm seriously thinking of giving up...

23 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 27 Feb, 2019 - 10:11AM

I think its a shame the ladies on here can chat to one another as we could warn each other of the timewasters etc ,also have a good vent and gripe about any other issues we have ,or maybe a separate page for that ????

25 members like this comment.

1292545-Deleted - 26 Feb, 2019 - 03:56PM

There is no such thing as a person without issues. And those that have migrated to this site, with its costs (men) and risks(both) are self aware enough to know that there are life issues that they want to address. I would never judge anyone on this site. My experience is that its populated by the same span of people as the general population, albeit through a rather strange, strained and sometimes abrasive interface.

6 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 26 Feb, 2019 - 01:23PM

Mise02 - Happy to help, however as a complained about on another letter, registered females cannot message each other, however if you read my profile you can see the first part of the process, and often that puts many non genuine off :-D

toecurler2 - I must strongly disagree, from the number who contact me, claiming to be genuine to the number that ACTUALLY ARRIVE at a meeting, 1 - 2% .
Then the number that feel we are compatible, being a mistress, having an affair, is so much more difficult than I ever expected AND on a site specifically for it.

2 members like this comment.

Steel71 - 26 Feb, 2019 - 12:13PM

I have been here for years on and off, and can agree that things have changed. Maybe it's just that we are older?
I'm surprised to hear though that you are confronted by men requiring counselling - I always thought the problem was more begin pestered for sex or naked photos!
From the men's point of view, I find that I get far fewer replied to an introductory email than I used to, and this time around there have been a lot more sudden ghostings. No wonder us men are all neurotic!! Back maybe 5-10 years ago it would be easy to arrange 3-4 coffee dates over a few weeks, but now it's a lot harder.
Coffee anyone??

3 members like this comment.

missupfront - 26 Feb, 2019 - 12:01PM

i dont get sent penis pics where am i going wrong billy64 lol

7 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 26 Feb, 2019 - 10:50AM

If i had a £1 for every man that sent me a pic of his Penis ,id be a rich woman ,and they expected me to say how much i loved and wanted it ,EH no some on here might be desperate but not me ,most just like to show and if i asked to meet would run a mile ,this site has certainly opened my eyes to a lot of things !!!!

6 members like this comment.

Pintobeans - 25 Feb, 2019 - 04:01PM

What I think, I think I'm not free to say...

1 member likes this comment.

Bereweeke - 25 Feb, 2019 - 03:02PM

It is an unusual person who does not have issues. It is a credit to you that gentlemen feel they can open up to you. However, you should not be a free counselling service and, as you now recognise the signs, shut them down in a kindly fashion. The NHS now have free counselling services which are self referral. Or The Samaritans are a phone call away as a sounding board for anything (not just suicide0 - when I cared for my Mum they were invaluable. You are, obviously, a decent person so perhaps you can suggest these alternatives before saying "Goodbye.".

4 members like this comment.

toecurler2 - 25 Feb, 2019 - 02:35PM

You have just been unlucky.

There are a few of us, admittedly not the majority, who want nothing more than an old fashioned affair. No life stories nor problem cascades - just a delicious illicit alliance with someone outside the family circle.

Keep at it and filter.

10 members like this comment.

Bill64 - 25 Feb, 2019 - 02:33PM

I agree a chatroom for those who want to chat and flirt to help fullfill their empty lives ,and leave the genuine of us who want to enrich our lives with an affair to it ..../.

4 members like this comment.

1270171-Deleted - 25 Feb, 2019 - 01:07PM

tea_coffee_me, I want to know what your system is!

4 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 25 Feb, 2019 - 10:48AM

All dating sites the above happens.

I had hoped that this would not be one of them. Over time I took a very different approach to finding someone to have an affair with to looking for a 2nd husband.

When looking for 2nd husband I find completely the above.
Due to the process I use for this, I have not generally found the above, so another benefit of my system men either appreciate or hate.
My system is not perfect, photograph collectors, those that wishing to fluff their ego, and those that never have any intention of meeting, still do, waste too much of my time, however I think limited compared to many.

There are great genuine people of both sides and time wastes on both ... patience and LOTS of it!
Wonderful, incredible, amazing when the right people are able to be together :-)

2 members like this comment.

Something Just Like This - 24 Feb, 2019 - 05:47PM

I totally agree with you. There is a different dynamic to this site than there was when I first joined 3 years ago. Back then it seemed everyone wanted an affair, it has turned into a sex chat room. People just seem to want to chat and not meet up, there are the exceptions but I wish IE would do something about this. I have suggested in the past, having two sites, one for chat and one for people who want to meet and have an affair.

14 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 24 Feb, 2019 - 12:45PM

"Please leave your issues at home and just enjoy what is supposed to be an
escape from your real life for the sake of the people who are here for that
purpose."

Hear, Hear ... well said ... I personally haven't had this experience but I totally agree with your sentiment.

5 members like this comment.

1273210-Deleted - 23 Feb, 2019 - 11:39PM

How odd is this? I'm a male user and thought exactly the same as you have about female users. Alrhough I haven't been as generous as you in a counselling role. I admire you for that but I would say enough is enough. Most people on here are hoping to find some adventure outside of their otherwise satifactory lives. I hope you can let yourself be more selfish and allow yourself to believe that YOU are the most important person on this site. Good luck and I hope you find what your looking for. xx

3 members like this comment.

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