The key findings
- 61% of married adulterers who engaged in a long-term affair claim that it saved their marriage
- 17% said they were significantly less likely to divorce their partner
- 13% said having an affair made them better lovers
- 47% of married adulterers who engaged in a short-term affair claim that it saved their marriage
The results come from a survey of 200 married people on IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading dating website for married people
What the numbers show
While an affair can certainly cause complications in a marriage, IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading dating website for married people and the leading authority on infidelity, found that in a lot of cases, it can actually save one.
100 married people who have engaged in at least one long-term affair (6 months or more) were surveyed, with 61% stating that having an affair saved their relationship, making their marriage stronger and happier.
13% said that having an affair made them better lovers.
Meanwhile, a further 17% went as for as to say that they were significantly less likely to divorce their partner, with their affair having filled the gaps in their existing relationship.
A further 100 people who had a short-term affair (less than 6 months) were also surveyed, with just under half (47%) stating that the affair saved their relationship. 10% felt like the affair made them better lovers, while 12% said they were less likely to file for divorce.
One of the biggest reasons behind an affair is a lack of intimacy in a relationship, whereby one partner loses their virility far quicker than the other. Naturally, that leads to friction, agitation and a far less happier relationship in almost every aspect. Elise was one of these women, so she joined Illicit Encounters for the attention and intimacy she was missing at home.
She says:
“My husband saw a side of me that had evaded him for a while. I was happier around the house, less agitated, friendlier and I was far more able to meet his emotional needs now that my physical ones were being met.”
The same applied to Dennis, who also joined Illicit Encounters following a regular but lacklustre sex life with his wife. After the affair began his relationship with his wife improved exponentially, as he became a more tolerant and attentive husband.
He says:
“The biggest positive was how much my marriage at home improved. My wife was still getting the intimacy that satisfied her, but at the same time, I felt like I became a better husband and lover. I know some people will frown upon what I’m doing, and I do understand, but I’m so much happier, and my wife is too, that the regret or guilt doesn’t weigh on me. I’m happy with the decision I’ve made.”
However, sometimes things aren’t always that simple. More often than not, an affair is a result of someone’s hand being forced, with all other options off the table. That’s what happened to Jane, who joined Illicit Encounters following her husband’s involvement in an accident that left him physically impaired.
She says:
“I love my husband in absolutely every way, but I felt compelled to join IE after he became paralysed following an accident several years ago.
“As you’d expect, that destroyed any intimacy between us, with anything physical becoming pretty much impossible. I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. This was still the kind, sweet and loving man I married, and he is still a great father to our children, but as a woman in my mid-40’s, am I supposed to be confined to a sexless life until the day I, or he, dies?
The site’s spokesperson, Christian Grant, comments:
“A common misconception is that an affair is black and white. If you cheat, you’re a bad person without reprieve, and conversely, if you don’t, your marriage is blissful and without issue. We know that’s absolutely not the case.
“People have an affair for a variety of different reasons and, contrary to popular belief, it’s not because they’re bad, greedy, or horrible people. They’ve often explored every avenue before they decide to have an affair. They’ve been through counselling, they’ve spoken to their partner, or in some cases, such as Jane’s, solving it is beyond their control.
“What we do know is that an affair doesn’t necessarily have to ruin a marriage, and it can sometimes save it. We can see the positive impact an affair can have, with up to 17% of our respondents willing to stay with their partner as a result – the positives that come with that are endless. Economic stability, their own happiness and general well-being, and not to mention the stable upbringing of their children are all invaluable benefits that can derive from that.”
The full stories of these adulterers are available below:
Elise – 41 – London
“My husband lost interest in sex when he hit his mid-40s, reducing our intimate lives to just birthdays and the occasional one-off here and there. I spoke to him about it, we went for counselling, but his stance didn’t change. With very few options left available to me, I joined Illicit Encounters with one thing in mind.
“Within a few weeks, I got speaking to a couple of men, and what followed was several months of sex that had sadly escaped from my marriage long ago.
“My husband was not only none the wiser, but he actually saw a side of me that had evaded him for a while. I was happier around the house, less agitated, friendlier and I was far more able to meet his emotional needs now that my physical ones were being met.
“In a strange way, my bond with my husband feels as strong as it’s ever been. I’m his rock – I always have been – but there’s no friction anymore, and I don’t feel like a burden now that I’m not having to ask him for something he clearly wasn’t willing to give me.”
Jane – 46 – Newcastle
“My story is a little different to what I’d imagine most people expect your average affair to be. I love my husband in absolutely every way, but I felt compelled to join IE after he became paralysed following an accident several years ago.
“As you’d expect, that destroyed any intimacy between us, with anything physical becoming pretty much impossible. I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. This was still the kind, sweet and loving man I married, and he is still a great father to our children, but as a woman in my mid-40’s, am I supposed to be confined to a sexless life until the day I, or he, dies?
“My options were to either remain sexless for decades or have an affair. Neither option was particularly appealing, but I feel like I chose the lesser of two evils. My partner and I can raise our children continue to live as normal a life as possible, while I have my physical needs elsewhere. I appreciate that it’s an unorthodox solution to an unorthodox problem, but I truly feel like the affair has saved my marriage.”
Dennis – 39 – Sussex
“My sex life with my wife was never bad, but it was never great either. She was never willing to experiment in the bedroom or try new things, not to the extent that I was at least. While our sex life never dwindled, it lacked passion and romance – it was sex for the sake of sex’s sake, as if it was another part of the daily routine – you don’t even think twice about it.
About the research
NOTES TO EDITOR
IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s leading dating website for married people and the leading authority on infidelity. With over 1,000,000 genuine UK users since 2004, you’re sure to find your perfect match.
Established in 2004, we have been providing a meeting place for like-minded married and attached people for nearly 12 years. Our members have one thing in common – they are all looking for a little romance outside their current relationship. Whether that’s the occasional bit of flirtatious chat, a regular coffee date, or a full-blown affair, that’s up to them.
We’re always more than happy to talk about IllicitEncounters.com – please contact Christian Grant through the details below – but we’re not willing to speak publicly about SaraHartley.net at this moment in time.
Email: [email protected]
Tel: 020 7729 6098
Twitter: @cheatsafer
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