‘We agreed we’d wait until she left’: a quarter of parents say their marriage ends the day their child moves out

Key Findings

·       26% of members with a child leaving home this year say the marriage ends once they go, an arrangement the site has dubbed the ‘empty-nest pact’.

·       Of those, 58% say it was agreed more than five years ago, and 21% put it at more than a decade.

·       Sign-ups from members aged 45 to 54 are forecast to rise 39% across September, against the August average.

·       The results come from a poll of 1,600 members by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, and the site’s own registration forecasts.

The cars have been loading since the start of the month. By the beginning of October most of this year’s students will be living somewhere else, in a city their parents will from now on only visit. For a quarter of those parents, according to new research, that is also the week the marriage ends.

IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, has started calling it the empty-nest pact: an agreement to stay together until the youngest has gone, sometimes said out loud and more often not.

The site polled 1,600 members who are parents. Of those with a child leaving home this year, 26% said the marriage would end once the child had gone.

Very few described it as a recent decision. Of the parents who reported such an arrangement, 58% said it had been agreed more than five years ago, and 21% put it at more than a decade. That is half the child’s life.

Asked what had kept them going in the meantime, 63% pointed to shared logistics rather than affection: the school run, the fixtures, the holidays that only really work with two adults in the house.

The finding lines up with separate research by Direct Line, which found that 22% of parents had stayed in a relationship longer than they wanted to for the sake of their children, and that those who did stayed an extra five and a half years on average. IE’s members date the pact at more than five years old.

Mothers were more likely than fathers to say it had been discussed out loud, at 34% against 19%. Fathers described something both of them understood and neither had said.

The site’s own figures point the same way. Sign-ups from members aged 45 to 54 are forecast to rise 39% across September, against the August average. The sharpest days are Sundays, once the parents have driven home.

Helen*, 49, from Sheffield, joined in the week after she drove her daughter to Leeds. “We’d said it out loud once, about eight years ago, and then we never mentioned it again,” she says. “It wasn’t a row. We both just knew. I’d driven back on my own, made a cup of tea, and that was that.”

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “We can almost set our watch by this one. It’s every September, without fail, and parents join to tell us they’ve been counting down since the child was in Year 9. There’s no crisis and no big row. They’ve just reached the end of an agreement they made a very long time ago.”

She added: “I’ve had this conversation with more parents than I could count, and what still surprises me is how calm they are about it. Nobody’s shouted. Nobody’s stormed out. They’ve packed the car, put the shelves up in halls, driven home and then sat down to work out who’s moving where. If you want to know how long a marriage has really been over, ask when the youngest started secondary school.”

Results

What has kept the marriage going until now (of those with an empty-nest pact; respondents could select more than one)

Reason given% of those with an empty-nest pact
Shared logistics: school run, fixtures, holidays63%
Not wanting to disrupt exams54%
The cost of running two households47%
Keeping the family home until they leave41%
What extended family would say28%
Still being friends24%
Hoping it would improve on its own19%

*Name has been changed.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

57% of married Brits say the club football season does more damage to their relationship than a summer tournament, and this year there is no break until the end of September

Key Findings

  • 57% of married Brits say the club football season does more damage to their relationship than a summer tournament does.
  • Of that group, 72% say the difference is that a tournament ends and the league season does not.
  • Female sign-ups on a Saturday afternoon run 29% higher on a fixture weekend than on an international-break weekend, peaking between five and six.
  • The results come from a poll of 2,400 married members by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site.

One of the busiest hours of the week for women looking for an affair is five to six on a Saturday afternoon. That is full time for a three o’clock kick-off. The football is back, and this year it does not stop. There is no international break until 26 September, and the league season runs to May.

IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, polled 2,400 married members about the return of the league season. 57% say the club season does more damage to their relationship than a summer tournament does. Women said so more often than men, at 64% against 50%.

Hours are not really the issue. Of the 57%, 72% put it down to the open end of the thing: a tournament finishes in July, while the league season runs through to May, with thirty-three match weekends in it and five midweek rounds on top.

48% say plans are now built around the fixture list, weddings and birthdays included, and 43% say football has taken midweek as well now that cup ties and European nights sit alongside the Saturday routine. 22% of all those polled have already argued about football in the two weekends since the season started.

38% say the other half of it is that nobody treats the league season as an occasion. A tournament is something the whole country knows is on, and being sidelined by it at least comes with a bit of sympathy attached. Nobody is sympathetic about a wet Saturday against Coventry, and nobody thinks to ask how she is getting on with it either.

The site’s own figures point the same way. Female sign-ups on a Saturday afternoon, between three and six, run 29% higher on a fixture weekend than on an international-break weekend, which are the only weekends inside a season that carry no club football.

The effect is strongest in cities where a fixture takes up the middle of a Sunday. This weekend Everton play Manchester United at two o’clock and Arsenal play Chelsea at half four, so Manchester, Liverpool and north London all lose the same afternoon. The Manchester derby falls inside the same run on 13 September, and with the September and October international breaks merged into one, five match weekends now follow each other from the opening day.

Rachel*, 41, from Nottingham, joined in the second week of the season. “In the summer I kept telling myself it was four weeks and then we’d get back to normal. We never got back to normal. It just turned into Saturdays instead. Same thing, except now there’s no date in the diary where it stops. That’s when I started messaging someone. I just wanted somebody to talk to on a Saturday afternoon.”

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “Every summer tournament I’ve worked through here, and there’ve been a lot of them now, we get a spike and then it settles down in July. That’s the bit people forget. The league season never settles down. It starts in August, it’s still going in May, and nobody hands you a date when it finishes.”

She added: “The women contacting us this week are describing an ordinary Saturday rather than a crisis. He’s in front of the football from lunchtime, the phone’s going with the group chat, and by the time the results are in nobody’s asked them a single question all afternoon. The fixture list gives them nothing back this year either. There’s no break until the end of September, so that’s five weekends of it in a row. That’s long enough to make anybody open an app.”

Results

What makes the club season harder than a tournament (of the 57% who say it does more damage; respondents could choose more than one)

What partners say the problem is% who name it
A tournament ends. This one runs until May72%
Plans have to be built around the fixture list48%
It is midweek as well now, not just Saturdays43%
Nobody treats it as an occasion, so there is no sympathy for it38%
The club results matter to him more than England’s did33%
His mood after a club defeat is worse than after an England one30%
The cost of the subscriptions16%

*Name has been changed.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

The August bank holiday is Britain’s busiest weekend for affairs, as two-thirds of cheats admit hiding one behind a wedding, a festival or a ‘girls’ holiday’

Key findings

  • 66% of members who admit to an affair say they have used a summer social event as cover for it. The site calls it ‘alibi season’.
  • The hen or stag do is the most trusted excuse at 41%, ahead of the girls’ or lads’ holiday (28%), the wedding (19%) and the festival (12%).
  • Only 4% say a cover story has ever been questioned by their partner.
  • Activity is forecast to run 46% above an average August weekend across the bank holiday.
  • The results come from a poll of 2,000 members by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, and the site’s own registration data.

This is the last bank holiday until Christmas, and the country will spend it at weddings, hen dos and barbecues – which, according to new research, is exactly what makes it the most useful weekend of the year for anybody conducting an affair. The diary does the work.

IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, polled 2,000 members and found that two-thirds of those who admit to an affair – 66% – have used a summer social event as the cover story for it. The site calls the stretch from June to September alibi season, and reckons this weekend is its peak.

The hen or stag do is the most trusted excuse by some distance, named by 41%. Then the girls’ or lads’ holiday on 28%, the wedding on 19% and the festival on 12%. These are events that run late, usually involve a night away, and where nobody expects a reply for hours.

It works, too. Members say they lean on about three such events across a single summer and stay out of contact for roughly seven hours at a time – and only 4% have ever had a cover story questioned by the person they live with.

Women were more likely than men to have used a social event this way, at 71% against 58%, and they lean on the hen do and the girls’ holiday – men reach for the golf, the football, or a work thing that overran.

The site’s own figures point the same way. Activity is forecast to run 46% above an average August weekend across the bank holiday, with the sharpest rises in London, Manchester, Birmingham, Leeds and Liverpool.

Friday evening is the busiest window of the three days.

Nicola*, 39, from Stockport, has three weddings this summer. “I have got a hen do in September that I am not even going to,” she says. “It is in the calendar, my husband knows about it, and that is a Saturday night accounted for. I did not plan it that way. I just noticed one year that nobody ever asks.”

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “The August bank holiday is the one weekend of the year when nobody has to explain themselves. There is a wedding, a hen do, somebody’s barbecue. If you are out all night with your phone off, you are only where everybody else is.”

She added: “I have worked here through twenty-odd August bank holidays and the pattern does not change. What people book is not the affair, it is the alibi. And come Tuesday, when the diary empties out and there is nothing left to hide behind until Christmas, that is when we hear from the ones who got caught.”

Results

Top summer ‘cover stories’ for an affair (of those who admit to an affair; respondents could select more than one)

Summer ‘cover story’% who have used it
Hen or stag do41%
‘Girls’ or lads’ holiday28%
Wedding19%
Festival12%
Summer work social or after-work drinks11%
Golf or football with friends9%
Visiting family or helping a friend7%

*Name has been changed.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

The anniversary reckoning: a third say their wedding anniversary was the moment they accepted the marriage was over

Key findings

  • 34% of members say a wedding anniversary was the point they accepted their marriage was over, a pattern the site has dubbed ‘the anniversary reckoning’.
  • Of those, 42% joined the site within six months of that anniversary.
  • Asked what happened on the night, 58% said they simply ran out of things to say to each other.
  • August is consistently one of the site’s busiest months for new sign-ups, and a poll of last August’s joiners found 68% had been married ten years or more.
  • The results come from a poll of 2,000 members by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, and the site’s own registration data.

Most British weddings happen in summer, which makes August the busiest month of the year for anniversaries – hundreds of thousands of couples marking another year over a booked table, a card bought on the way home and a conversation that runs out somewhere around the main course. Not all of it is celebration.

New research from IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, suggests a good number are using the occasion for something else entirely. In a poll of 2,000 members, 34% said a wedding anniversary was the point at which they accepted their marriage was over – the site has started calling it the anniversary reckoning.

It describes the one evening a year when a couple are required to sit opposite each other, look at the photographs and account for the time.

The site’s own figures fit the same shape. August is consistently one of its strongest months for new registrations — the same pattern the site described in its recent research on the six-week itch — and a poll of 600 members who joined last August found that 68% had been married for ten years or more, the group most likely to be marking a milestone that month.

What they describe is the evening rather than the number. Asked what actually happened on the night, 58% said they ran out of things to say to each other, and 51% spent most of it talking about the children or the week ahead.

37% said one of them raised the state of the marriage and the other changed the subject – the point, several said, at which they stopped trying.

Almost none of it is sudden. 61% said they had felt it for more than a year beforehand, and of those who named an anniversary, 42% joined within six months of the date – very few in the weeks leading up to it.

Women were more likely than men to say the occasion crystallised something, at 39% against 28% – men more often described it as the excuse they had been waiting for, rather than anything that felt like a revelation at the time.

Rachel*, 44, from Derby, joined four months after her twentieth. “We did the restaurant and the photos on the wall and the card,” she says. “Somewhere around the dessert I realised I had nothing to ask him that I did not already know the answer to.”

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “We get a lot of emails in September that start with the words ‘we had our anniversary last month’. Not angry ones. Very ordinary, quite polite emails from people who booked a table, got through the evening and then sat in the car park afterwards not saying anything.”

She added: “I have been reading these emails since 2004 and I have never got used to how specific people are about the date. They remember the restaurant. They remember what they ordered. Somebody told me last year that she knew it was finished when her husband ordered for her and got it wrong, and she realised she had not corrected him in about a decade.”

Results

What happened on the anniversary evening (of those who named an anniversary as the moment; respondents could select more than one).

What happened on the night %
We ran out of things to say to each other 58%
We talked only about the children or the week ahead 51%
One of us was on our phone for most of it 44%
One raised the marriage, the other changed the subject 37%
We looked at the wedding photographs 29%
We went home earlier than booked 22%

*Name has been changed.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

‘We talked every day for a year and never met’: 38% of affairs now happen entirely through a screen, and members say they hurt more than a one-night stand

Key findings

  • 38% of members say they have had a relationship outside their marriage that never became physical, conducted entirely through messages, voice notes and calls. The site has dubbed it the ‘pod affair’.
  • They are not brief. Those relationships ran for an average of eleven months, and 29% lasted more than two years.
  • 44% of that group would call it cheating. 78% say their partner would. That gap is the argument most of them are dreading.
  • 61% say it did more damage than a one-night stand would have, because there was more of it and it was harder to explain away.
  • The results come from a poll of 2,000 members by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site.

Love Is Blind UK returns to Netflix on Wednesday, and the premise is the same as it has always been. Strangers talk to each other through a wall for days on end, with no face, no photograph and no touching, and some of them come out the other side saying they are in love. It is presented as a stunt. New research suggests a version of it is going on in a very large number of British marriages already.

IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, polled 2,000 of its members. 38% said they had been in a relationship outside their marriage that never once became physical. No meeting, no hotel, nothing that would show up on a bank statement. The site has started calling it the pod affair.

They tend to run for a long time. The average was eleven months, and 29% went on for more than two years. Most were conducted in writing, with 71% saying the bulk of it happened in messages and voice notes rather than on the phone or on video.

The most striking finding is the disagreement about what it even is. 44% of the members who had one would describe it as cheating. Asked what their partner would say, 78% thought their partner would call it cheating. Almost twice as many people expect to be judged for it as judge themselves.

And they do not think it was the softer option. 61% said it had done more damage than a one-night stand would have done, on the grounds that there was simply more of it, it went on for longer, and there was no version of events in which it could be written off as a mistake on one particular night.

Nadia*, 41, from Bristol, messaged the same man every day for over a year and never met him. “It started because we were both awake at half six and neither of us wanted to be,” she says. “It was nothing, really. What we’d watched, his mother, my knee. Then one morning I told him my scan results before I told my husband, and I sat there looking at the message thinking, that is not a friend. I have never once been in a room with him. I would still know his voice anywhere.”

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “Everybody is about to watch a programme where people fall in love through a wall, and half the country will talk about it like it is a gimmick. It is not. We have members who have carried on for a year with somebody they have never once been in a room with. No hotel, no meeting, nothing you could photograph.”

She added: “Twenty-two years I have been doing this, and the ones who get caught this way take it hardest. There is nothing to point at. No receipt, no hotel bill, no lipstick on anything. Just eleven months of voice notes and the fact that he told her things first. Try explaining to a wife that nothing happened. She has read it. She knows exactly what happened.”

Results

What made it stop feeling like a friendship (of the 38% who had a screen-only relationship; respondents could select more than one).

What crossed the line %
Telling them something before telling my partner 74%
Messaging first thing in the morning and last thing at night 66%
Deleting the conversation 57%
Talking about my marriage to them 49%
Saving them under a different name 35%
Making plans we both knew would not happen 23%

*Name has been changed.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

Two weeks down, four to go: the ‘six-week itch’ sees affair site sign-ups jump 34% as parents hit the school-holiday wall

Key findings

  • Sign-ups to IllicitEncounters.com are already running 34% above the school-term average, just two weeks into the six-week summer holiday.
  • Women account for 58% of new members so far this holiday, and 46% of those are aged 35 to 44.
  • The busiest hour for joining is 9pm to 10pm, once the children are in bed, accounting for 22% of daily sign-ups.
  • Asked what tipped them over the edge, 61% said having no time alone as a couple, ahead of constant childcare rows (48%).
  • The results come from registration data and a poll of 2,000 members by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site.

Britain’s schools broke up a fortnight ago and there are still four weeks of it to go – which, according to new research, is about a fortnight longer than a good many parents can comfortably stand. The novelty, it seems, has a short shelf life.

IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, has recorded sign-ups running 34% above its school-term average since the schools shut – a figure it expects to pass 45% in the final fortnight of August. It has a name for the pattern: the six-week itch.

The site also polled 2,000 members who have joined or become active since the start of the holidays. Asked what pushed them to join, 61% pointed to having no time alone as a couple, followed by constant childcare rows (48%), a partner who had checked out on the sofa (44%) and a sex life shelved until September (39%). Respondents could pick more than one.

The summer intake also looks rather different from the rest of the year. Women make up 58% of new members so far this holiday, against 51% in term time – and of those women, 46% are aged between 35 and 44, the bracket most likely to have primary-school-age children at home.

The registration data also shows when the itch tends to bite. Sign-ups have climbed every week since the schools shut, and the average member who joined this holiday did so 11 days in.

And there is a clear hour for it – 22% of daily sign-ups now land between 9pm and 10pm, once the children are down and the house has finally gone quiet.

The pattern fits what the site records later in the year, when registrations climb again in the first week of September, once parents have the house back and the school day to themselves. The summer sign-up tends to come first; the chance to act on it arrives a few weeks later. It is the same August spike behind the site’s recent research on the anniversary reckoning, when a wedding anniversary falling in the school holidays can be the moment a marriage tips.

Claire*, 38, from Warrington, joined in the last week of July. “I love them to bits, but I don’t think I’ve had a conversation that wasn’t about snacks or screen time since they broke up,” she says. “Me and my husband just tag in and tag out. He does the morning, I do the afternoon. By nine o’clock he’s on his phone and I’m on mine, and that’s it, that’s the evening. I signed up on one of those nights. I wasn’t even really looking for anything. I just wanted somebody to find me interesting for ten minutes.”

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “We are two weeks in and it has already started, which tells you something. Most parents can get through a fortnight of packed lunches and soft play – it’s weeks three, four and five that do the damage, when the money has gone and September still feels a very long way off.”

She added: “I have been doing this for over 20 years and August is always our busiest month for parents. The holidays don’t break a marriage. They take away the distractions that were holding it together, and people notice what has been missing. Nobody signing up this week is running away from their children. They are looking for one hour where somebody talks to them like an adult.”

Results

What tipped parents into joining in the first fortnight of the school holidays (respondents could select more than one).

Trigger % of those polled
No time alone as a couple 61%
Constant childcare rows 48%
Partner checked out on the sofa 44%
Sex life shelved until September 39%
No conversation beyond logistics 33%
Money stress over the holidays 27%
Feeling invisible to a partner 24%

*Name has been changed.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

Forget the villa: a third of Brits admit to a real-life ‘Casa Amor’ — straying, or coming close, the moment their partner’s back is turned

Key findings

  • 34% of coupled-up Brits admit they’ve strayed, or come close, while their partner was away – their own real-life ‘Casa Amor’. For 16% of all those polled, it went all the way.
  • Work trips are the biggest danger zone (39%), ahead of girls’ and lads’ holidays (31%) and stag and hen weekends (22%).
  • As Love Island crowned Lorenzo and Julia on Monday night, 68% of Brits are betting the couple won’t last the year.
  • 41% say watching the show has started a row at home about loyalty, jealousy or an ex.
  • The results come from a poll of 2,000 members by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site.

Britain spent last night glued to the Love Island final, watching Maya Jama crown Lorenzo Alessi and Julia Majchrzak as the couple who survived every bombshell and Casa Amor twist the villa could throw at them. Turns out plenty of us have taken that same test ourselves, off camera. And failed it.

IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading extramarital dating site, put the question to 2,000 of its members, and 34% owned up to a Casa Amor moment of their own: a spell when their partner was away and they either strayed or came very close to it. Most stopped at the brink. But for 16% of everyone polled – roughly one in six – it went all the way.

The danger zones will surprise nobody who watches the show. Work trips came out top, with 39% pointing to a night away for the job as the moment temptation crept in, followed by the girls’ or lads’ holiday (31%) and the stag or hen do (22%). Men were quicker to act on it: 21% went through with it, against 12% of women, who were more likely to wobble and pull back at the last minute.

The show causes its share of trouble at home too. 41% of members said watching Love Island had started a row with their partner about loyalty or jealousy, usually during Casa Amor week, or when somebody got a bit too defensive about a contestant whose head had been turned.

The site’s own traffic tells the same story. Visits to IllicitEncounters.com climbed 24% during Casa Amor week, its busiest stretch of the whole summer, and it was women doing most of the messaging. The pattern echoes the site’s recent research on holiday flings, which found a third of Brits say a fling on holiday doesn’t really count.

As for Lorenzo and Julia, don’t expect the members to send a card. 68% reckon the couple won’t make it to next summer. Some of that is Love Island’s track record talking. But plenty of IE’s members were once the couple everyone else envied.

Chloe*, 34, from Nottingham, had her own Casa Amor moment on a hen weekend. “I honestly wasn’t looking for anything,” she says. “But the minute I was away from home it was like the normal rules didn’t count. That’s the bit people don’t admit about the villa – you tell yourself it doesn’t matter because you’re somewhere else, with different people around you.”

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “Everyone’s very quick to shout at the telly when somebody’s head gets turned in Casa Amor. But be honest – how many of us would actually pass that test? Take someone out of their routine, put them somewhere new where nobody knows them, and you find out very quickly how solid things really are back home.”

She added: “I’ve been doing this for over 20 years and I’ve never once seen a work trip make somebody cheat. What the time away does is remove whatever was stopping them. If things are good at home, a few nights in a Travelodge is just a few nights in a Travelodge. If they’re not, it starts to feel like your own private Casa Amor – and hand on heart, that feeling was there long before the show came back on.”

Results

When Brits are most likely to have a real-life ‘Casa Amor’ moment (respondents could select more than one).

When a ‘Casa Amor’ moment is most likely (partner away) % who’ve been tempted
On a work trip or conference away from home 39%
On a ‘girls’ / lads’ holiday 31%
On a stag or hen weekend 22%
When a partner visits family without them 17%
When a partner is away with the kids 11%
On a night out when a partner has gone home early 9%

*Name has been changed.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

It doesn’t count if it’s abroad: 1 in 3 Brits say a holiday fling isn’t really cheating

Key findings

  • 34% of Brits say being unfaithful with someone else while on holiday “doesn’t count” as infidelity.
  • 41% believe a holiday fling is fundamentally different from an affair at home – citing distance, anonymity and the “holiday version of themselves” as reasons.
  • 27% say what happens abroad should stay abroad – and their partner would agree.
  • 19% admit they’ve acted on that belief; of those, 74% say they have no regrets.
  • Study conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site.

It’s one of Britain’s most quietly held beliefs – and according to new data, a surprisingly large number of people genuinely stand by it: if it happens abroad, it doesn’t really count.

A poll of 2,000 adults conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site, has found that 1 in 3 Brits (34%) do not consider a sexual encounter with someone else while on holiday to constitute cheating – at least not in the traditional sense. And with the peak summer holiday season now under way, the timing could not be more relevant.

The reasoning, it turns out, is remarkably consistent. 41% say a holiday fling feels fundamentally different from an affair at home – citing the distance from normal life, the anonymity of being somewhere nobody knows you, and what several respondents described as becoming a “different version of themselves” the moment they land. The rules of home, they argue, simply don’t follow you through the departure gate.

27% go further still, saying not only do they believe what happens abroad stays abroad – but that their partner, on some level, would quietly agree. A kind of unspoken holiday amnesty, observed but never discussed.

19% admit they have acted on that belief at some point in their relationship – and never mentioned it to their partner. Of those, 74% say they have no regrets, and 61% say it had no negative impact on their relationship whatsoever.

The holiday locations most associated with the “it doesn’t count” mentality are, perhaps unsurprisingly, the sun-and-sangria circuit. Spain topped the list, cited by 37% of respondents, followed by Greece (30%), Ibiza specifically (28%), Dubai (22%) and Italy (19%).

The pattern shows up again in a separate strand of the site’s summer research on real-life Casa Amor, which found a third of Brits admit to straying, or coming close, the moment their partner’s back is turned – with the girls’ or lads’ holiday abroad one of the most likely settings.

“Mark*”, 43, from Leeds, is unrepentant. “I’ve been with my wife for fifteen years and I love her completely. But I’ve had two holiday flings in that time – once in Barcelona, once in Dubai – and I genuinely don’t think of either as cheating. You’re in a different country, you’re a different person, and it goes no further. It stays there. That’s just how I see it.”

Jessica Leoni, spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “The ‘it doesn’t count abroad’ rule is one of the great unspoken agreements in British relationship culture – and our data suggests it’s far more widespread than most people would admit at a dinner party. What’s interesting is that it isn’t just men saying this. Women are almost equally likely to hold this view, which tells you something about how the idea of a ‘holiday self’ has become genuinely embedded in the way Brits think about fidelity.”

She added: “Whether it counts or not is, of course, entirely a matter of what you and your partner have agreed – explicitly or otherwise. But the fact that nearly 1 in 5 people have acted on this belief and never told their partner suggests that for a significant chunk of the population, the holiday fling occupies its own moral category entirely. Not quite an affair. Not quite nothing. Just something that happened in the sun, and stayed there.”

Results

Top destinations where Brits have had holiday affairs.

Destination %
Spain 37%
Greece 30%
Ibiza 28%
Dubai 22%
Italy 19%
Tenerife 18%
Turkey 15%
Portugal 10%
Mexico 6%
Thailand 5%

*Name has been changed to protect identity.

About Illicit Encounters

IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s largest and longest-running extramarital dating site, established in 2004. The site has over one million UK members and publishes regular research on modern infidelity and relationships in Britain, with expert commentary from sex and relationships expert Jessica Leoni.

Press contact: [email protected]

Tomorrow is Britain’s biggest cheating day of the year as schools break up for summer

* 71% surge in people seeking an affair expected on Friday 17th July – making it the biggest cheating day of the summer
* School holidays create the perfect opportunity, with parents using gym trips, shopping and “working late” as their favourite alibis
* More than a third admit they’ll use a solo hobby as cover to meet an affair partner on Friday
* Study conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site.

The Last Window Before the Chaos

As schools close their gates for the summer holidays this week, Britain’s cheaters are preparing for what has become the biggest affair day of the year.

New data from IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest dating site for married people, predicts a 71% surge in people actively seeking an affair tomorrow – an annual phenomenon dubbed ‘Frisky Friday’.

The annual spike comes as millions of families prepare for six weeks of disrupted routines, childcare and holidays together. For those already leading double lives, it’s seen as the last opportunity to meet an affair partner before family life takes over.

Britain’s Cheaters Have Their Alibis Ready

And Britain’s cheating class already has its excuses lined up.

A poll of 1,900 IllicitEncounters members found the most popular alibi is a solo hobby, with 38% planning to blame a trip to the gym, a round of golf or a shopping trip if questioned about their whereabouts.

Almost a third (29%) say they’ll tell their partner they’re working late or dealing with work commitments, while 17% plan to disappear under the guise of running errands or attending appointments.

Just over one in ten (11%) will simply claim they’re meeting friends, while the remaining 5% admit they’ll come up with another excuse entirely.

Emma*, 39, says she’s already planned her Frisky Friday. “Once the kids are off, every minute is accounted for,” she said. “My partner works from home, the house is full, and there’s no space to breathe. If I’m going to see the man I’ve been talking to, it has to be before the chaos starts. I’ll tell my husband I’m going to the gym — he never questions it.”

Expert Comment from Jessica Leoni

Jessica Leoni, spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “Frisky Friday has become something of a phenomenon because it arrives at exactly the point where opportunity is about to disappear.

“Once the school holidays begin, couples spend far more time together, children are around constantly and routines completely change. For many people having affairs, this Friday represents the last realistic chance to meet someone before September.

“It’s remarkable how organised people become. The gym membership suddenly gets plenty of use, shopping trips take much longer than usual and work somehow becomes incredibly busy.”

She added: “Every summer we see exactly the same pattern. Activity spikes dramatically just before schools break up and then falls away during the holidays, before climbing again when normal life resumes.”

* Name has been changed to protect identity

Results

Excuses people will be using on Frisky Friday to meet their lovers:

38% will use their ‘solo hobbies’ (e.g. gym, golf, shopping) 

29% will rely on ‘working late’/’work commitments’.

17% will be ‘running errands’ or have scheduled appointments 

11% will be meeting up with friends

5% – Other

Further Reading

Britain’s festivals are the UK’s biggest infidelity hotspot, according to new data

* 44% of festival-goers say festivals make them feel “more open to temptation”
* Festivals create a “psychological bubble” – anonymity, alcohol, music and the holiday-from-real-life effect combine to make them Britain’s biggest infidelity hotspot
* 73% say they’d cheat at a festival if they knew they wouldn’t get caught
* Study conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site

The Perfect Storm for Infidelity

With a packed summer festival calendar ahead of us, new data suggests Britain’s festival fields are about to become the country’s biggest infidelity hotspot.

A poll of 2,000 festival-going adults conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site, has found that 1 in 4 Brits openly admit they have cheated – or would cheat – on their partner at a summer festival. And the conditions, it seems, are almost perfectly engineered for it.

Nearly half (44%) of festival-goers say the festival environment makes them feel more open to temptation than they would be in everyday life. It isn’t hard to see why. Festivals create a “psychological bubble” – a world set apart from real life, governed by different rules, where normal consequences feel temporarily suspended. The combination of anonymity, alcohol, music, warm weather and thousands of strangers packed into a field produces something that feels less like the UK and more like a holiday.

21% put it even more plainly: festivals feel like a no-rules zone. What happens in the campsite, stays in the campsite.

The Numbers Behind the Temptation

The most common form of infidelity is a kiss – 24% of respondents admit they’ve locked lips with someone who wasn’t their partner at a festival, often blaming the atmosphere rather than any genuine dissatisfaction at home. But the most striking finding is this: 73% say they would cheat at a festival if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. Nearly three quarters of Britain’s festival-going population, in other words, are one consequence-free moment away from straying.

With Latitude descending on Henham Park in Suffolk from 23rd-26th July, Wilderness kicking off in Oxfordshire from 30th July-2nd August, and a string of further events still to come this summer, the next few weeks represent peak temptation season for Britain’s coupled-up festival fans.

“Nobody Knows Who You Are”: One Festival-Goer’s Story

Lisa*, 31, attended Glastonbury last year with a group of friends – without her long-term partner. “The moment you’re through the gates it feels like a completely different world,” she says. “Nobody knows who you are. Nobody knows if you’re in a relationship. There’s music everywhere, everyone’s in a good mood, and by the second night you’ve completely stopped thinking about normal life. I kissed someone on the Friday. I didn’t feel guilty until I was on the motorway home.”

Jessica Leoni, spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com, said: “Festivals are essentially a perfect storm for infidelity – and the numbers back that up. It’s not that festival-goers are more dishonest than anyone else. It’s that festivals systematically remove all the usual barriers: you’re away from home, away from your routine, away from anyone who knows you. Add alcohol and a crowd of happy strangers and the ‘holiday from real life’ effect kicks in almost immediately. 

* Name has been changed to protect identity

Results
Based on a poll involving 2,000 festival-goers:
44% say festivals make them feel “more open to temptation”
21% say festivals feel like a “no-rules zone”
24% admit they’ve kissed someone who wasn’t their partner at a festival
73% say they would cheat at a festival if they knew they wouldn’t get caught

Further Reading