The key findings

* Women aged 40–49 are now the fastest-growing demographic joining IllicitEncounters.com
* 67% say turning 40 changed how they felt about their marriage.
* 59% say they felt “invisible” at home before joining the site and a whopping 78% say they have absolutely no regrets about having an affair.

Forget the stereotype of the mid-life man buying a sports car and chasing younger women.

It’s actually women in their forties who are shaking up their love lives – with a surge in them joining the UK’s biggest extramarital dating site.

New data from IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading dating site for married people, reveals that women aged 40–49 are now the fastest-growing demographic signing up to the platform.

Site figures show female membership in the 40–49 bracket has grown by 21% over the past year, outpacing every other age group on the site. By comparison, sign-ups among women aged 30–39 increased by 12%, while those aged 50–59 rose by 8%. Younger women aged 20–29 showed only a modest 5% increase, and the 60+ category remained largely unchanged, rising 3%.

Growth amongst men, on the other hand, has been slower. Male membership rose by just 7% among 40–49 year olds and 4% among men aged 50–59, suggesting that it’s women – particularly those entering midlife – who are driving the platform’s fastest expansion.

And according to a poll of 1,500 female members in that age group, hitting the big 4-0 is often the moment everything changes. A huge 67% say turning 40 made them reassess their marriage, with many admitting they suddenly realised their relationship had quietly slipped into autopilot.

For many, the biggest feeling wasn’t anger or resentment – it was simply being invisible. Almost 6 in 10 women (59%) said they felt overlooked by their partner before joining the site. Not necessarily unhappy, but no longer feeling attractive, desired or even properly noticed.

Claire*, 48, says the realisation hit her out of nowhere. “One day I realised I’d become everyone’s organiser – the kids, the house, the schedules – but nobody was really looking at me anymore,” she says. “I felt like I’d disappeared somewhere along the way.”

Sarah*, 45, says the routine of family life slowly swallowed her identity. “I couldn’t remember the last time someone looked at me like a woman instead of just a mum,” she says. “That’s when I realised something had to change.”

For many women, the affair wasn’t even about leaving their marriage. Instead it was about getting a part of themselves back. Nearly 1 in 3 (31%) said their affair helped them rediscover an identity they felt had been lost to years of motherhood and domestic life.

And despite the taboo around cheating, the overwhelming majority say they wouldn’t take it back. A striking 78% say they have absolutely no regrets about stepping outside their marriage.

Expert comment from Jessica Leoni

Jessica Leoni, spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com, says the findings show how dramatically attitudes are shifting. “Women in their 40s are reaching a stage where life finally slows down a little and they start asking big questions about their happiness,” she says.

“For years they’ve focused on everyone else – their children, their partner, their career. When they finally stop and look at their own lives, many realise they’ve quietly disappeared from the centre of it.” 

She adds: “The old stereotype was that men had mid-life crises. What we’re seeing now is something very different – women deciding they want to feel seen, desired and alive again.”

* Names have been changed

Further Reading

• What Women Really Want From an Affair
• 7 Quiet Signs You Stopped Being Happy in Your Marriage (Long Before You Admitted It)