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Letters to Sara

Breaking the ice


I can't remember how long it's been since I've had to try and break the ice
in order to get some decent conversation going and find it awkward when
sending that first message. So tell me, what do you like to see in a first
message that makes you want to reply?
Are you looking for a simple "hi, let's chat" or is it a little joke that
peaks your interest? It's a lot harder than I thought!!


17 members like this.

Comments (34)

Raquel12 - 20 Mar, 2020 - 12:43AM

Anyone still dating with the coronavirus? Better not, sorry! It's not about your sexual needs now, it's about your families and the rest of the world. Date or death? Not a choice!

1 member likes this comment.

lorettadelray - 14 Mar, 2020 - 06:29AM

Most of the messages i receive are polite and respectful. The odd one or two are from someone in an aroused state. None have gotten crude or obscene. But in general they sound like a shot in the dark. Which I think is because my profile is minimal as I have found a more detailed one leads to a lot more interpretation and too much admin. I'd rather meet someone.

3 members like this comment.

The Actress - 11 Mar, 2020 - 03:06PM

Would that be a Right, (angle).Or an a-cute, one?
Or maybe you're simply a victim of the dreaded predictive text, which, (as we've all discovered), knows far better than we do, what we were intending to say!!

3 members like this comment.

Zyphod - 11 Mar, 2020 - 01:38PM

I wish a I knew what the secret is.
I've tried every approach.
Yet I've had coffee dates after a VK.
A block after a well thought out message.
Messages that are never read.
Messages that have been read but profile never even looked at.
I've tried being a bit crude (depending on how their profile is written).
Polite, a joke, etc, etc.
The trouble is you have no idea who is behind the profile especially if it generic.
Give us a clue, we might be perfectly matched, but a first greeting that misses the mark and the chance is gone.

6 members like this comment.

Pleasuregiver68 - 10 Mar, 2020 - 05:27PM

its nice to be important
much more important to be nice

Pleasuregiver68 - 10 Mar, 2020 - 05:27PM

heaven must be missing an Angle because you are here with me

Sportster1200L - 10 Mar, 2020 - 03:44PM

@Really!!!. Its very easy to sit back passively and wait for messages from men then criticise them for their lack of imagination.

Have you ever actually sent any to initiate a conversation and if not, why not? I have had quite a few from ladies that just say "Hi" so you are not doing so badly really

MysticalSunlight47 - 10 Mar, 2020 - 03:23PM

Something that relates to the profile of the person that is interesting you. Cut and paste and virtual messages are not great, I think this shows a lack of care. I used to sometimes send out a message of greeting to one chap or another and either received rudeness or nothing, so I stopped doing this. It is very hard to know how to do things at times, and most stuff tends to be ignored or stonewalled. Try to sound friendly and mentioned something from the profile such as "hi, hope you are keeping well, I notice you like cooking, so do I"! something like that perhaps. best of luck.

Really!!! - 08 Mar, 2020 - 07:41AM

I expect someone to have shown they have read my profile, be compatible with what I’m looking for and live LOCAL not hundreds of miles away.

Awful question 1 - Hi how you finding the site? Easy, I type the URL in the browser and press send!
Awful question 2 - Hi have you had any luck yet? If I was I wouldn’t be here
Awful question 3 - Are you messaging other men too? Erm, none of your business!
Awful question 4 - How many men have you met? Again none of your business!

Men want to dash into meeting after a couple of messages and I appreciate that membership costs money but I don’t want to meet lots of men, I don’t have the time. I want to spend time exchanging messages for long enough that we know that we are both looking for the same thing. Beats taking time meeting up only to find that we’re obviously incompatible

9 members like this comment.

politody - 04 Mar, 2020 - 08:33AM

somewhat off topic, b/ut why are there so many on here that are just rude, can't be honest and hide behind "blocking" ? I say this as a lady asked for a password, which I gave her, and just asked that she tell me what she thought, good or bad. No reply for 24 hrs. At 48 hrs I messaged to ask what she thought .... and of course I'm blocked. She didn't even have the manners to write back with "not my type" .... there are many like this on this site .....

17 members like this comment.

1366047-Deleted - 02 Mar, 2020 - 09:13AM

Any messages that just say "hi sexy" or similar are deleted straight away.

9 members like this comment.

ASearchingsoul - 28 Feb, 2020 - 09:38PM

I’m blonde:):):):););):)

2 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 26 Feb, 2020 - 04:05PM

... and again often my first message in return is a questionnaire ;-)
(There is always one :-D )

2 members like this comment.

Secondhand Rose - 25 Feb, 2020 - 11:59PM


You're quite correct, a first Meeting IS an interview.
However I was referring to a first Greeting; i.e. the very first message sent, by way of introduction

1 member likes this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 25 Feb, 2020 - 09:51AM

Secondhand Rose
@ dreamtime
I do so agree with you, who wants a "third degree" as a first greeting. Or, worse still a survey?

Answer a few.
I started such a process as I was fed up of message tennis to something basic arising much later and incompatibility.
Yes I have many nasty comments about such a process, however many who are here FOR an affair IN person, wish to use their valuable time for more fun things, than just the basics, appreciate and prefer my process.

Initial meetings ARE interviews, third degree etc... hence why so many never make it to a second meeting ...

5 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 24 Feb, 2020 - 12:38PM

1 Read the profile first
2 Read the words that are actually written for or on the profile

3 Compose a message that shows you have read the profile and provide any information requested.

Too many times people request a non smoker, smokers reply, those with or without facial hair reply to the incorrect ones.

One LADY CONTACTED a man, they ‘read’ each others profiles, chatted well, arranged to meet. Something made the man read the ladies again… she wanted someone over 6 foot. He had clearly stated he was no where near. He highlighted this to her… she was then RUDE to HIM and accused him of wasting HER time!

My profile states I am NOT blond, when seeing my photo people have said no thanks, as I AM NOT blond!!

Many times there is information on a profile where you immediately know, not for me.
Where there is information READ IT!

14 members like this comment.

OnedayinMay - 23 Feb, 2020 - 10:23PM

If there's nothing in the profile that tells you anything about the person because it is auto-generated (as most women's seem to be) then why send someone a message at all?

12 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 22 Feb, 2020 - 07:08AM

Something cheeky or humorous always grabs my attention.....

4 members like this comment.

Secondhand Rose - 21 Feb, 2020 - 11:40PM

@ dreamtime

I do so agree with you, who wants a "third degree" as a first greeting. Or, worse still a survey?

1 member likes this comment.

Sportster1200L - 21 Feb, 2020 - 06:30PM

The comments so far demonstrate that its impossible for guys to know whether to send just a quick "Hello" message or something more detailed. The reality , I suspect, is that most messages guys send go unanswered anyway.

I have a pet hate too Dreamtime. Its that almost all ladies play the passive long game and hardly ever take the initiative and send the first one. Most guys would be delighted if they did.

6 members like this comment.

beerisbetterthanwine - 21 Feb, 2020 - 01:54PM

Something simple. Most guys I respond to comment on my profile and say it is what they are looking for. I never, ever reply to those generic ' Am I your type, yes or no' messages, accompanied by cut and paste from the profile. I mean, if you can't be bothered to pop by to say 'hI' to me, I'm hardly going to be bothered to have sex with you.

8 members like this comment.

Secondhand Rose - 21 Feb, 2020 - 12:49PM

A short message, referencing something from my profile, is always welcome in MY inbox!

6 members like this comment.

Dreamtime - 20 Feb, 2020 - 03:13PM

I have a pet hate. People who say have you had any luck, how are you finding the site. Aarrgghhh. That just makes you seem uninterested in meeting or striking up a connection, or that you have nothing to say for yourself. Or it's just plain none of your business. Surely the aim is to seek common ground, not to start moaning about bad experiences or talking about other people. It's pathetic.

7 members like this comment.

SeldomSeen - 20 Feb, 2020 - 05:29AM

The best way to break the ice is by dropping it straight into a gin and tonic...

9 members like this comment.

Midnightincantation - 20 Feb, 2020 - 12:43AM

It's usually a picture..then a profile.

2 members like this comment.

Jackiew - 19 Feb, 2020 - 08:26PM

I am not keen on message all type messages. A personal hello is better rather than a virtual kiss or , dare I say .... a virtual cookie or a feather !!!

2 members like this comment.

SunshineForever - 19 Feb, 2020 - 06:58PM

I don’t like it when the email sent has been copied from their profile. I’d much prefer just a few brief lines introducing themselves and showing character. Anything friendly and respectful always gets my attention.

7 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 19 Feb, 2020 - 05:57PM

I like to find that the sender has actually read my profile not just glanced at it. Then if he refers to something that has been mentioned in my profile then he is on to a Winner !

7 members like this comment.

Gilthoniel - 19 Feb, 2020 - 03:51PM

Frankly I'm a fan of the surreal. So if I got a message like Hi, the rabbits told me to message you! That would work for me but I do appreciate that the more normal of the females on this website might prefer something along the lines of 'I've read your profile and notice you are a fan of classical music - who is your favourite composer?'

The best advice I can give is actually that, read the woman's profile properly and respond to something in that. Women do get fed up when guys don't read their profiles properly.

Good luck


5 members like this comment.

Sportster1200L - 19 Feb, 2020 - 03:49PM


I agree, that's usually what I say in my first message. It shows that you are interested and, importantly, you are able to actually communicate on here! The lady can then check out your profile (if she feels you match her basic criteria of course) which I think should ideally speak for itself in respect of what you are looking for and tell her enough about you to catch her eye. Sometimes, when there is more to go on I will mention something that we might have in common.

Genuine polite and considerate ladies ie the ones that are worth the effort, will usually reply. Unfortunately they seem to be an endangered species these days.

Guys have

5 members like this comment.

Cerberus 36 - 19 Feb, 2020 - 03:10PM

I specifically ask for more than a bland two word message but I have so many succinct offers....

Hi ya!
Try me!
Great legs
Etc etc etc

I obviously don’t reply because either they haven’t read my profile or they have and chosen to ignore my request.

1 member likes this comment.

Blogsyd3 - 19 Feb, 2020 - 01:49PM

I would just like to hear ...Hello ...and how are you ?.......

1 member likes this comment.

anonymouse-1 - 19 Feb, 2020 - 01:24PM

Be yourself ...personally I Prefer a message saying hello ...how are you ..I’ve read your profile , then they actually quote or agree with aspects of my profile. A little joke is good also.
I hate when messages are in text speak using for example u , r instead of you , are seems lazy to me ( personal option)
But that’s a personal thing for me
Most if all don’t embellish or lie. I know on here it’s a novel idea but honesty is the best policy.
Best of luck
Miss A

7 members like this comment.

9229214 - 19 Feb, 2020 - 12:31PM

Hi how you finding the site?
Hi have you had any luck yet?

Something simple....as long as your profile is filled in...particularly the partner element about who you are looking for

1 member likes this comment.

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