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How can you tell?

How can you tell if your prospective IE is just as great in real life as they seem in their chat? I'm loving talking online, and I really hope he lives up to my expectations...How can I certify my gut feelings!

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Comments (77)

Legs&Eyes - 28 Sep, 2023 - 07:42PM

Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:38PM

You need to be on there for a few weeks to really feel and get the whole experience, in all its scum-bag glory. 🙈🤣

And it’s very driven by a photo, little space available for a bio or relevant info. So sifting the wheat from the chaff is painful!! 🤣

 1 member likes this comment.

Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:38PM

That’s what I assumed. Plus had seen from friend’s experience. And they’re in 30s/40s. I’m sure it only gets more grim!

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Legs&Eyes - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:13PM

Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 11:55AM

The 'quality' (lol....) is a lot better here.

Lots of guys on Tinder want casual, hook-ups and f**k buddies. Also, as its free, its loaded with scammers, multiple profile-guys, fakes (in other words, what some of the guys here say about some of the ladies here - I presume for the same reason in that it is free here for ladies so attracts all types)...

And that's not what I'm looking for... the single guys who DO want something more than casual - well they sit there on their sofas taking profile pics with last nights baked beans down their t-shirts and proudly declare themselves as 'unemployed'. And there's no bit of me thats that desperate! Haha.....

So - this is the better place for me...

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Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 11:55AM

Is the ‘quality’ better on here L&E? I assume lots of single men on tinder are happy for an affair type arrangement?

Legs&Eyes - 28 Sep, 2023 - 07:42AM


No problem. Apology not necessary…. We just all walk in our own shoes, not in anyone else’s…. So Exotic is right - other females my own age judge my ‘single status’ …. And whilst Tinders socially acceptable now, this site isn’t. 🙈

And it’s why when anyone here makes sweeping statements about singletons, it’s somewhat disappointing - as my reasons for being here are unique to me… and I still have to lie, deceive and hide it from those closest to me - just the same as others on here….

We all walk our own path…. 😘

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Alexis162 - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:51AM

Only way to find out is by setting up a dates then decide sometimes people are easy to read the first time you meet up you know exactly where you stand just from taking to your new mate good luck xx

ExoticOrchid - 27 Sep, 2023 - 09:29PM

Sandypops - 04:51PM

No apology needed.
It would be social suicide ... not exactly something I can announce at a dinner party like "hey everyone, I'm on an adultery site" 🤣

As a divorced woman amongst the (unhappy but smug) marrieds, the wives are already worried about me ... not that I'll even look at their husbands as potential IEs 🙄 ... I've already heard everything about them!

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logicboy - 27 Sep, 2023 - 08:11PM

Paula99 - absolutely agree. And I tried in rhst case being playful without being a pest.

The general point was that we men have it tough. 🎻🎻

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Beckysharp - 27 Sep, 2023 - 05:25PM

Sandypops there’s a reason men message every newbie on mass…

Now you’re streetwise!! And can make sure you get what works for you 😘

Paula99 - 27 Sep, 2023 - 04:59PM

Logicboy …

The lady ‘that was old enough to be your mother ‘ had given you a decent enough reason …she hasn’t led you on …you were in agreement to chat with her …
I think you should be grateful she was ‘straight ‘ with you..

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Sandypops - 27 Sep, 2023 - 04:51PM

L&E Iand ExoticOrchid I hadn't really appreciated that you couldn't tell anyone you're on ie. So apologies.

BeckySharp I'm very aware that I am very naive for a site like this. I keep saying I'm going to be more savvy and then revert back to my usual self 🤦🏻‍♀️ though I'm definitely tougher than I was when I started, thank goodness.

My bestie is pretty good at spotting a 'red flag' and player a mile off, so that helps. And I love all the comments here, so thankyou x

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Paula99 - 27 Sep, 2023 - 05:28AM

I have had a good relationship with my partners but luckily I think I choose well in terms of an IE and I dare say they can reciprocate..
We have remained friends and still catch up every now and again …..it’s just about being respectful and civilised..

Win win win 🏅

TheBoredHousewife - 26 Sep, 2023 - 09:44PM

TheEnigma - 26 Sep, 2023 - 05:57PM

So important to get an IE who is on the same page as us with regards to how the partnership should work. I’ve thankfully never (not yet) fallen out with any of the men I’ve had a substantial IE relationship with, and feel like I can trust them with some of my most personal details, as they can definitely trust me with theirs.

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ExoticOrchid - 26 Sep, 2023 - 09:25PM

L&E - 09:07PM

Too right!
We need to meet up for a Singles Conference!!!

 2 members like this comment.

Legs&Eyes - 26 Sep, 2023 - 09:07PM

ExoticOrchid - 26 Sep, 2023 - 02:43PM

Haha..... I knew you would agree with those comments! Lol...

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TheEnigma - 26 Sep, 2023 - 05:57PM

What’s all this talk of trust etc…. The only thing you need to be sure enough of to trust is that your affair partner will be discreet and won’t go psycho if and when things come to an end.

If you’re looking for an affair to mimic a conventional relationship and all that comes with that, you might as well get divorced and then hit the conventional dating scene.

ExoticOrchid - 26 Sep, 2023 - 02:43PM

L&E - 10:17AM

I could have written the exact same words you did (I will also have the added "bonus" of cultural disapproval from those who are from my home region).

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Beckysharp - 26 Sep, 2023 - 12:02PM

Sandypops I would never fully trust anyone on here. If they’re prepared to risk their marriage/kids stability/home etc to lie and have an affair… I doubt very much they will hesitate if it benefits them to lie to us. Obviously there are different types that have affairs. And different motivations too. Maybe I just have more experience of the player types. But it’s made me very cynical.

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Legs&Eyes - 26 Sep, 2023 - 10:17AM

Sandypops - 26 Sep, 2023 - 01:49AM

You'd be surprised Sandy.. speaking as one of the singletons...

I cant tell anyone Im here, friends know of my attachment to normal dating apps or dates - but have no clue about the twilight world of IE or the meetings I have as a result of being here.. its a hidden world even when you're single...

No single girl would ever come out of a situation positively saying she was here for an affair! And married friends would certainly end friendships with me, and as for my professional world - perish the thought anyone would discover it... so..... its def a hidden world for all I would say....

Beckysharp - 26 Sep, 2023 - 07:27AM

‘Cum on IE’

Freudian slip there 😂😂😂

Sandypops - 26 Sep, 2023 - 01:49AM

MystryMe, I think we should be able to be honest here. Honour amongst thieves and all that
We all live a lie in our real lives (unless we're one of the singletons on here) and personally I hate living such a lie, so why would I lie here when there is no need to.

And in answer to the question, trust your gut instinct and, if you get good vibes, meet. I like to send and receive natural selfies and will sometimes do a video call or 'phone call before meeting.

And yes, sometimes meeting doesn't go as planned, but it's the only way to know if the chemistry needed for an affair is there.

ClassyLady77 - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:54PM

Only one way and that’s to meet them.. ASAP. IF they don’t meet then they’re just keyboard warriors..

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Naughty in NW - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:37PM

As valid as this question remains, why does the site keep bumping up three year old original posts to the top of the list for us to chew over again and again?

Cum on IE, your profits must surely allow for some 'fresh material' as you charge all males a hefty monthly fee. Just sayin'

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logicboy - 25 Sep, 2023 - 09:33PM

Agree with everyone who says that meeting up is what this is all about. If you can't or won't meet for a coffee then you are either kidding yourself or me... Imho

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Paula99 - 25 Sep, 2023 - 07:44PM




Totally agree 😁

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TheBoredHousewife - 25 Sep, 2023 - 06:56PM

For some, a quick meet works. But for me, spending more time getting to know virtually first, is a better use of time, especially since I always seem to be so short of it!

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Bardxx - 25 Sep, 2023 - 04:52PM

You can only really tell if you meet. If someone says they can tell by messages and assumptions, they are deluding themselves.

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Will_CR0 - 25 Sep, 2023 - 04:34PM

I've found that the people chatting all the time either a too nervous about meeting someone in person of they are just making up things. I have been on endless chats that the person always has an excuse they can't meet up. It's best to video chat or call just to be sure you are talking to a real person. Video chat is good because you can set up an anonymous account and if you want you can leave the camera off at first.

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Beckysharp - 25 Sep, 2023 - 02:59PM

I think we can get a good feel of someone we’re chatting to is our type of person. But agree the only way to find out is to meet. And meeting is what this is about anyway!!!

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Secret Dom - 25 Sep, 2023 - 02:24PM

You can’t, until you actually meet. It’s easy to chat via here or whatever method you use but it’s not the same as in person.

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Dotty Green - 25 Sep, 2023 - 12:29PM

For me, until you meet you will never know.

I would rather meet someone face to face for a coffee or drink then you will know for sure.

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Mister.E.Mann - 25 Sep, 2023 - 11:39AM

I have the opposite problem! I get the feeling that the "chat interest" is waning but we'd get on a lot better in person! So much communication is nonverbal and writing messages can really slow down a conversation. Also, most of the subtleties and nuances are lost in text, without a liberal dusting of emojies! 😉 Off-the-cuff or tongue-in-cheek comments can easily be misinterpreted and, as we all know, there are people who take offence easily.🙄 This can lead to more cautious, stilted and staid messages which are inherently less interesting, provoking or stimulating. 🤔

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Paula99 - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:48AM

You just go with your gut feelings …sometimes they are wrong but the majority of the time ….it’s correct 👍

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Boudicca - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:28AM

Only time and consistency will tell you if you’re right. Meeting someone early on is best too as it stops you from building a person up, thus avoiding being disappointed if they don’t live up to what you’ve created in your head based on messages exchanged.

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Passionate4all - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:11AM

Like others have said trust your gut.

If we have chatted on here for a little while and I'm in a bit of doubt I sometimes reword a question I might of asked a few days/weeks ago and see if I get a very similar answer, it's the way I judge if someone might not be honest

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Areudaring? - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:00AM

This is so difficult because so many wrong uns as it were are good liars

MystryMe - 25 Sep, 2023 - 09:23AM

I am liking your question, I am new to the IE I often think similar, are they only saying what I want to hear and once the meet up or next stage it’s all over….
Tell you truth we shouldn’t expect the loyalty from other person as on IE we are not loyal to our partners so how can we expect someone else to be loyal to us?
May be I am new and thinking all these questions when I am chatting with other person ( probably I am not answering the question you initially asked )

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1586116 - 14 Mar, 2023 - 12:37AM

You just have to go for it! I met someone I had been chatting with and really like him! Not sure if we will see each other again or not but it was worth it.

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Foryourpleasure - 16 Jul, 2022 - 09:40PM

In all situations work life romance always trust your gut 😉 It's your inbuilt defense system 👍

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Sexy Senorita xo - 16 Jul, 2022 - 09:18PM

There's no way of knowing but I'm glad I trusted my gut instinct too, like many others have stated. I don't know if it's beginner's luck but this IE & I are having some truly wild & fun times. Take a chance! (Gone for oldest questions in the Flirt Forum cause the others are well🥱)

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1425095 - 07 Dec, 2020 - 08:22PM

From past experience they say what you want to hear, it’s not until later down the line you find out the real person. A nasty player in my case unfortunately

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1392431 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 10:05PM

I always trust my gut instinct in these situations and it’s never let me down x

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1386735 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 07:34PM

You know sometimes you can’t even tell when you meet. Believe it or not, men are special creatures, they have this thing called bullshit which some guys can manage to use a lot of.
You’ve always got to go with your gut...always

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gemini2310 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 04:42PM

I can never tell from phone calls most are different when you meet and I never go on photos alone theres slot more to attraction than a photo well there is for me anyway

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1413266 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 03:18PM

As others have said, have a phone call asap after seeing a photo and still liking them. I have found a real sense of who they are after chatting. Almost never got it wrong. If there is anything to be wary of, a phone call should sort it out for you.

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Teresa di Vicenzo - 13 May, 2020 - 04:36PM

When we’re allowed to do so, a meet-up for a quick coffee is a must. Then you can both suss each other out. You’ll both be on your best behaviour but that’s the only way you’ll get a feel of them (so to speak ..!!). After that, meet for lunch. You should both have decided by then whether you want to spend more time together. The attraction will have been instant at that first meet, the second meet us just to confirm.

I agree with the person who said to get recent photos. I hate it when I’m sent a photo which is clearly a few years old - like I’m not going to notice if / when we meet up! Actually, that happened to me, a bloke claimed to be 58 but I later found out (after the lunch) that he was actually 68. The age didn’t bother me but the fact he’d lied to me really pissed me off. He was a bye-bye.

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1117169 - 13 May, 2020 - 04:24PM

By meeting them sooner rather than later then many more times, at different times, locations and in different contexts, doing varied things and having real open, honest in depth wide ranging conversations with them.

How else?

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Toften2 - 08 May, 2020 - 01:57PM

I see someone has gone for meet for a drink and take it from there...
Personally, as I am in a stable marriage, I hope to find One long term I E, not a succession, someone that want more than just the act of sex, for although I am certainly not only missing that in my marriage, I am also missing a soulmate buddy that I can share our dreams, and so much more with as we lay cuddled up
together ....

1311268 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:41PM

Am chatting to a guy at the moment with the hope of meeting after lockdown. Attraction of the mind is certainly a turn on for me, and the photos I’ve seen of course. Am waiting to see if he wants to talk on the phone whilst we wait to meet 😊

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Al1970 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:27PM


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1371900 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:26PM

Think it's best if you ask for their photo asap, and just hope it's a recent one... I once didn't, and just went for the 'blind date' when we met. Was totally unattracted, so didn't work out, needless to say! But another thought - photos are static, and a bit unreal. When you see someone in person, I usually find them a bit more attractive than their photo!

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1306719 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:17PM

I’ve just joined and reading through lots of profiles at the minute and these live comments. Such a busy place!

I think I’ll be going with the chat over the phone, meet for a drink and take it from there approach myself but as I’ve still not spoken to anyone yet who knows what will happen. Exciting times!

You're on my road - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:08PM

Just saw an article on Apple News about IE. Great bit of PR 😇

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Sushinelue - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:07PM

hello .to all hows everyone doing love chatting on line.

Michael Nuria - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:43PM

Hallo there is there anybody there ?

1328172 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:19PM

Feels like time wasted if you don't know it will work irl at times doesn't it

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1374021 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:14PM

It all depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking long term then chatting to get to know each other makes sense but you must meet early to see if there is a spark. Otherwise you will get vested in something That isn’t there.

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Geek0808 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:12PM

Speak on the phone stimulate conversation. If you both hold a conversation it will most likely live up to expectations. If you don’t try you will never know.

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Ohwhynot44 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:04PM

I would trust my gut....but think you have to be careful not to wish for something so much that you see or feel things that aren’t there...

 1 member likes this comment.

1376887 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:03PM

Have realistic expectations. Talk on the telephone, you can tell a lot from a real life conversation. If that goes well, then after lockdown meet somewhere public and have a coffee.

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1262378 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:01PM

Hi, you should listen to your gut feelings. Ask the question of your prospective IE, that you're unsure of. Work forward from their reply. If you've actually spoken to this person, are they evasive or give you a wrong answer?

1366640 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 03:44PM

Meet for a drink first before going any further.

1272141 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 03:35PM

Can you weild an axe?
Having put him on a pedestal you might need to knock the sticks out from under his feet.

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MrsDiscreet - 19 Apr, 2020 - 03:34PM

You can’t know. You’ll never know. You just either jump in with both feet and hope for the best or just dip your toe in the water and don’t get to enjoy the thrilling sensation of where your IE could lead.
But do listen to gut instinct if it feels wrong get out.

40870 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 02:16PM

keep it up :)

susan104 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 02:04PM

You can’t tell I have spoke to guys before and we get in great then when we meet there is nothing x

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Bob100 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 12:47PM

In truth I do not think you can certify you gut feelings, the photo may not even be him
and the messages contrived, why ? beyond me!

Delphina - 19 Apr, 2020 - 10:48AM

Its really hard to tell, the only way is to meet them, but with this lockdown, you could be chatting with someone for God knows for how long now, and when you meet u might be dissapointed, the best this to do is not to have high expectations

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You're on my road - 19 Apr, 2020 - 10:26AM

Make use of video chat IF it’s safe, such a great way to see beyond a photo and we all know that you can easily invest a lot of time without knowing if you click. Seeing your potential lover move and talk can help you know 😊 x

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You're on my road - 19 Apr, 2020 - 10:20AM

Make use of video, such a great way to see beyond a photo and we all know that you can easily invest a lot of time without knowing if you click. Seeing your potential lover move and talk can help you know 😊 x

Mrs Jones xx - 18 Apr, 2020 - 11:40AM

Video call?

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tea_coffee_me_ - 18 Apr, 2020 - 09:19AM

In my personal experience, you cannot, hence why I do not do all the waffle before and meet as soon as possible.

I also do not (in 99.99999%) of cases make up my mind about about a person in a few minutes however I have found that many men (and from the letters women too) will make assumptions from a photo) will.

Many times I have chatted well, (with a man) made each other laugh, many things in common, they see my photo and, no thanks.

Expect rejection, anything else a positive.

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1363644 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 11:06PM

Guess what? You can't! In fact there is a phenomenon that too much chat starts a process where you manufacture a picture that becomes more fixed the longer you go on then explodes like a Zeppelin when you finally meet.
Chat just enough to get some basics sorted then quit until you meet. That way the let down is more like a parachute than a dive bomb. Preserve the mystery!

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ClassyLady77 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 06:30PM

Maybe move onto Kik exchange Live Photo’s and plan to need to coffee or a drink... I never plan/want anything more first meet.. plus if he’s not your type you’ve not wasted to much time and if sparks happen then all the better for second date.... 😉

Go with your gut hun it’s always right..

 1 member likes this comment.

1317223 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 06:04PM

Well you can’t! Not straight away anyway and certainly not until you meet in person. A telephone conversation can be interesting and just hearing their voice can help to gauge personality.

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851951 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 04:39PM

Haha I’m laughing here, of course he won’t be!,

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open_alternative - 17 Apr, 2020 - 04:24PM

unfortunately .... you can't until you do meet and find out whether the pedestal you have put someone on is justified..

Given the amount of time before we are allowed out keeping that sense of perspective is going to be very tricky .

Try and get a sense of things from your chat , and if it seems to be going well then thats great , but you will just have to cross your fingers till you eventually clap eyes on him and assess that height / weight / hair / age matrix !

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