How can you tell?
How can you tell if your prospective IE is just as great in real life as they seem in their chat? I'm loving talking online, and I really hope he lives up to my expectations...How can I certify my gut feelings!
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Comments (77)
Legs&Eyes - 28 Sep, 2023 - 07:42PM
Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:38PM
You need to be on there for a few weeks to really feel and get the whole experience, in all its scum-bag glory. šš¤£
And itās very driven by a photo, little space available for a bio or relevant info. So sifting the wheat from the chaff is painful!! š¤£
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Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:38PM
Thatās what I assumed. Plus had seen from friendās experience. And theyāre in 30s/40s. Iām sure it only gets more grim!
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Legs&Eyes - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:13PM
Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 11:55AM
The 'quality' (lol....) is a lot better here.
Lots of guys on Tinder want casual, hook-ups and f**k buddies. Also, as its free, its loaded with scammers, multiple profile-guys, fakes (in other words, what some of the guys here say about some of the ladies here - I presume for the same reason in that it is free here for ladies so attracts all types)...
And that's not what I'm looking for... the single guys who DO want something more than casual - well they sit there on their sofas taking profile pics with last nights baked beans down their t-shirts and proudly declare themselves as 'unemployed'. And there's no bit of me thats that desperate! Haha.....
So - this is the better place for me...
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Beckysharp - 28 Sep, 2023 - 11:55AM
Is the āqualityā better on here L&E? I assume lots of single men on tinder are happy for an affair type arrangement?
Legs&Eyes - 28 Sep, 2023 - 07:42AM
Sandypops
No problem. Apology not necessaryā¦. We just all walk in our own shoes, not in anyone elseāsā¦. So Exotic is right - other females my own age judge my āsingle statusā ā¦. And whilst Tinders socially acceptable now, this site isnāt. š
And itās why when anyone here makes sweeping statements about singletons, itās somewhat disappointing - as my reasons for being here are unique to me⦠and I still have to lie, deceive and hide it from those closest to me - just the same as others on hereā¦.
We all walk our own pathā¦. š
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Alexis162 - 28 Sep, 2023 - 06:51AM
Only way to find out is by setting up a dates then decide sometimes people are easy to read the first time you meet up you know exactly where you stand just from taking to your new mate good luck xx
ExoticOrchid - 27 Sep, 2023 - 09:29PM
Sandypops - 04:51PM
No apology needed.
It would be social suicide ... not exactly something I can announce at a dinner party like "hey everyone, I'm on an adultery site" š¤£
As a divorced woman amongst the (unhappy but smug) marrieds, the wives are already worried about me ... not that I'll even look at their husbands as potential IEs š ... I've already heard everything about them!
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logicboy - 27 Sep, 2023 - 08:11PM
Paula99 - absolutely agree. And I tried in rhst case being playful without being a pest.
The general point was that we men have it tough. š»š»
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Beckysharp - 27 Sep, 2023 - 05:25PM
Sandypops thereās a reason men message every newbie on massā¦
Now youāre streetwise!! And can make sure you get what works for you š
Paula99 - 27 Sep, 2023 - 04:59PM
Logicboy ā¦
The lady āthat was old enough to be your mother ā had given you a decent enough reason ā¦she hasnāt led you on ā¦you were in agreement to chat with her ā¦
I think you should be grateful she was āstraight ā with you..
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Sandypops - 27 Sep, 2023 - 04:51PM
L&E Iand ExoticOrchid I hadn't really appreciated that you couldn't tell anyone you're on ie. So apologies.
BeckySharp I'm very aware that I am very naive for a site like this. I keep saying I'm going to be more savvy and then revert back to my usual self š¤¦š»āāļø though I'm definitely tougher than I was when I started, thank goodness.
My bestie is pretty good at spotting a 'red flag' and player a mile off, so that helps. And I love all the comments here, so thankyou x
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Paula99 - 27 Sep, 2023 - 05:28AM
I have had a good relationship with my partners but luckily I think I choose well in terms of an IE and I dare say they can reciprocate..
We have remained friends and still catch up every now and again ā¦..itās just about being respectful and civilised..
Win win win š
TheBoredHousewife - 26 Sep, 2023 - 09:44PM
TheEnigma - 26 Sep, 2023 - 05:57PM
So important to get an IE who is on the same page as us with regards to how the partnership should work. Iāve thankfully never (not yet) fallen out with any of the men Iāve had a substantial IE relationship with, and feel like I can trust them with some of my most personal details, as they can definitely trust me with theirs.
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ExoticOrchid - 26 Sep, 2023 - 09:25PM
L&E - 09:07PM
Too right!
We need to meet up for a Singles Conference!!!
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Legs&Eyes - 26 Sep, 2023 - 09:07PM
ExoticOrchid - 26 Sep, 2023 - 02:43PM
Haha..... I knew you would agree with those comments! Lol...
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TheEnigma - 26 Sep, 2023 - 05:57PM
Whatās all this talk of trust etcā¦. The only thing you need to be sure enough of to trust is that your affair partner will be discreet and wonāt go psycho if and when things come to an end.
If youāre looking for an affair to mimic a conventional relationship and all that comes with that, you might as well get divorced and then hit the conventional dating scene.
ExoticOrchid - 26 Sep, 2023 - 02:43PM
L&E - 10:17AM
I could have written the exact same words you did (I will also have the added "bonus" of cultural disapproval from those who are from my home region).
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Beckysharp - 26 Sep, 2023 - 12:02PM
Sandypops I would never fully trust anyone on here. If theyāre prepared to risk their marriage/kids stability/home etc to lie and have an affair⦠I doubt very much they will hesitate if it benefits them to lie to us. Obviously there are different types that have affairs. And different motivations too. Maybe I just have more experience of the player types. But itās made me very cynical.
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Legs&Eyes - 26 Sep, 2023 - 10:17AM
Sandypops - 26 Sep, 2023 - 01:49AM
You'd be surprised Sandy.. speaking as one of the singletons...
I cant tell anyone Im here, friends know of my attachment to normal dating apps or dates - but have no clue about the twilight world of IE or the meetings I have as a result of being here.. its a hidden world even when you're single...
No single girl would ever come out of a situation positively saying she was here for an affair! And married friends would certainly end friendships with me, and as for my professional world - perish the thought anyone would discover it... so..... its def a hidden world for all I would say....
Sandypops - 26 Sep, 2023 - 01:49AM
MystryMe, I think we should be able to be honest here. Honour amongst thieves and all that
We all live a lie in our real lives (unless we're one of the singletons on here) and personally I hate living such a lie, so why would I lie here when there is no need to.
And in answer to the question, trust your gut instinct and, if you get good vibes, meet. I like to send and receive natural selfies and will sometimes do a video call or 'phone call before meeting.
And yes, sometimes meeting doesn't go as planned, but it's the only way to know if the chemistry needed for an affair is there.
ClassyLady77 - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:54PM
Only one way and thatās to meet them.. ASAP. IF they donāt meet then theyāre just keyboard warriors..
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Naughty in NW - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:37PM
As valid as this question remains, why does the site keep bumping up three year old original posts to the top of the list for us to chew over again and again?
Cum on IE, your profits must surely allow for some 'fresh material' as you charge all males a hefty monthly fee. Just sayin'
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logicboy - 25 Sep, 2023 - 09:33PM
Agree with everyone who says that meeting up is what this is all about. If you can't or won't meet for a coffee then you are either kidding yourself or me... Imho
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TheBoredHousewife - 25 Sep, 2023 - 06:56PM
For some, a quick meet works. But for me, spending more time getting to know virtually first, is a better use of time, especially since I always seem to be so short of it!
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Bardxx - 25 Sep, 2023 - 04:52PM
You can only really tell if you meet. If someone says they can tell by messages and assumptions, they are deluding themselves.
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Will_CR0 - 25 Sep, 2023 - 04:34PM
I've found that the people chatting all the time either a too nervous about meeting someone in person of they are just making up things. I have been on endless chats that the person always has an excuse they can't meet up. It's best to video chat or call just to be sure you are talking to a real person. Video chat is good because you can set up an anonymous account and if you want you can leave the camera off at first.
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Beckysharp - 25 Sep, 2023 - 02:59PM
I think we can get a good feel of someone weāre chatting to is our type of person. But agree the only way to find out is to meet. And meeting is what this is about anyway!!!
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Secret Dom - 25 Sep, 2023 - 02:24PM
You canāt, until you actually meet. Itās easy to chat via here or whatever method you use but itās not the same as in person.
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Dotty Green - 25 Sep, 2023 - 12:29PM
For me, until you meet you will never know.
I would rather meet someone face to face for a coffee or drink then you will know for sure.
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Mister.E.Mann - 25 Sep, 2023 - 11:39AM
I have the opposite problem! I get the feeling that the "chat interest" is waning but we'd get on a lot better in person! So much communication is nonverbal and writing messages can really slow down a conversation. Also, most of the subtleties and nuances are lost in text, without a liberal dusting of emojies! š Off-the-cuff or tongue-in-cheek comments can easily be misinterpreted and, as we all know, there are people who take offence easily.š This can lead to more cautious, stilted and staid messages which are inherently less interesting, provoking or stimulating. š¤
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Paula99 - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:48AM
You just go with your gut feelings ā¦sometimes they are wrong but the majority of the time ā¦.itās correct š
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Boudicca - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:28AM
Only time and consistency will tell you if youāre right. Meeting someone early on is best too as it stops you from building a person up, thus avoiding being disappointed if they donāt live up to what youāve created in your head based on messages exchanged.
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Passionate4all - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:11AM
Like others have said trust your gut.
If we have chatted on here for a little while and I'm in a bit of doubt I sometimes reword a question I might of asked a few days/weeks ago and see if I get a very similar answer, it's the way I judge if someone might not be honest
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Areudaring? - 25 Sep, 2023 - 10:00AM
This is so difficult because so many wrong uns as it were are good liars
MystryMe - 25 Sep, 2023 - 09:23AM
I am liking your question, I am new to the IE I often think similar, are they only saying what I want to hear and once the meet up or next stage itās all overā¦.
Tell you truth we shouldnāt expect the loyalty from other person as on IE we are not loyal to our partners so how can we expect someone else to be loyal to us?
May be I am new and thinking all these questions when I am chatting with other person ( probably I am not answering the question you initially asked )
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1586116 - 14 Mar, 2023 - 12:37AM
You just have to go for it! I met someone I had been chatting with and really like him! Not sure if we will see each other again or not but it was worth it.
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Foryourpleasure - 16 Jul, 2022 - 09:40PM
In all situations work life romance always trust your gut š It's your inbuilt defense system š
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Sexy Senorita xo - 16 Jul, 2022 - 09:18PM
There's no way of knowing but I'm glad I trusted my gut instinct too, like many others have stated. I don't know if it's beginner's luck but this IE & I are having some truly wild & fun times. Take a chance! (Gone for oldest questions in the Flirt Forum cause the others are wellš„±)
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1425095 - 07 Dec, 2020 - 08:22PM
From past experience they say what you want to hear, itās not until later down the line you find out the real person. A nasty player in my case unfortunately
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1392431 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 10:05PM
I always trust my gut instinct in these situations and itās never let me down x
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1386735 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 07:34PM
You know sometimes you canāt even tell when you meet. Believe it or not, men are special creatures, they have this thing called bullshit which some guys can manage to use a lot of.
Youāve always got to go with your gut...always
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gemini2310 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 04:42PM
I can never tell from phone calls most are different when you meet and I never go on photos alone theres slot more to attraction than a photo well there is for me anyway
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1413266 - 19 Nov, 2020 - 03:18PM
As others have said, have a phone call asap after seeing a photo and still liking them. I have found a real sense of who they are after chatting. Almost never got it wrong. If there is anything to be wary of, a phone call should sort it out for you.
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Teresa di Vicenzo - 13 May, 2020 - 04:36PM
When weāre allowed to do so, a meet-up for a quick coffee is a must. Then you can both suss each other out. Youāll both be on your best behaviour but thatās the only way youāll get a feel of them (so to speak ..!!). After that, meet for lunch. You should both have decided by then whether you want to spend more time together. The attraction will have been instant at that first meet, the second meet us just to confirm.
I agree with the person who said to get recent photos. I hate it when Iām sent a photo which is clearly a few years old - like Iām not going to notice if / when we meet up! Actually, that happened to me, a bloke claimed to be 58 but I later found out (after the lunch) that he was actually 68. The age didnāt bother me but the fact heād lied to me really pissed me off. He was a bye-bye.
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1117169 - 13 May, 2020 - 04:24PM
By meeting them sooner rather than later then many more times, at different times, locations and in different contexts, doing varied things and having real open, honest in depth wide ranging conversations with them.
How else?
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Toften2 - 08 May, 2020 - 01:57PM
I see someone has gone for meet for a drink and take it from there...
Personally, as I am in a stable marriage, I hope to find One long term I E, not a succession, someone that want more than just the act of sex, for although I am certainly not only missing that in my marriage, I am also missing a soulmate buddy that I can share our dreams, and so much more with as we lay cuddled up
together ....
1311268 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:41PM
Am chatting to a guy at the moment with the hope of meeting after lockdown. Attraction of the mind is certainly a turn on for me, and the photos Iāve seen of course. Am waiting to see if he wants to talk on the phone whilst we wait to meet š
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1371900 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:26PM
Think it's best if you ask for their photo asap, and just hope it's a recent one... I once didn't, and just went for the 'blind date' when we met. Was totally unattracted, so didn't work out, needless to say! But another thought - photos are static, and a bit unreal. When you see someone in person, I usually find them a bit more attractive than their photo!
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1306719 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:17PM
Iāve just joined and reading through lots of profiles at the minute and these live comments. Such a busy place!
I think Iāll be going with the chat over the phone, meet for a drink and take it from there approach myself but as Iāve still not spoken to anyone yet who knows what will happen. Exciting times!
You're on my road - 19 Apr, 2020 - 05:08PM
Just saw an article on Apple News about IE. Great bit of PR š
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1328172 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:19PM
Feels like time wasted if you don't know it will work irl at times doesn't it
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1374021 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:14PM
It all depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking long term then chatting to get to know each other makes sense but you must meet early to see if there is a spark. Otherwise you will get vested in something That isnāt there.
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Geek0808 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:12PM
Speak on the phone stimulate conversation. If you both hold a conversation it will most likely live up to expectations. If you donāt try you will never know.
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Ohwhynot44 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:04PM
I would trust my gut....but think you have to be careful not to wish for something so much that you see or feel things that arenāt there...
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1376887 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:03PM
Have realistic expectations. Talk on the telephone, you can tell a lot from a real life conversation. If that goes well, then after lockdown meet somewhere public and have a coffee.
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1262378 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 04:01PM
Hi, you should listen to your gut feelings. Ask the question of your prospective IE, that you're unsure of. Work forward from their reply. If you've actually spoken to this person, are they evasive or give you a wrong answer?
1366640 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 03:44PM
Meet for a drink first before going any further.
1272141 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 03:35PM
Can you weild an axe?
Having put him on a pedestal you might need to knock the sticks out from under his feet.
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MrsDiscreet - 19 Apr, 2020 - 03:34PM
You canāt know. Youāll never know. You just either jump in with both feet and hope for the best or just dip your toe in the water and donāt get to enjoy the thrilling sensation of where your IE could lead.
But do listen to gut instinct if it feels wrong get out.
40870 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 02:16PM
keep it up :)
susan104 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 02:04PM
You canāt tell I have spoke to guys before and we get in great then when we meet there is nothing x
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Bob100 - 19 Apr, 2020 - 12:47PM
In truth I do not think you can certify you gut feelings, the photo may not even be him
and the messages contrived, why ? beyond me!
Delphina - 19 Apr, 2020 - 10:48AM
Its really hard to tell, the only way is to meet them, but with this lockdown, you could be chatting with someone for God knows for how long now, and when you meet u might be dissapointed, the best this to do is not to have high expectations
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You're on my road - 19 Apr, 2020 - 10:26AM
Make use of video chat IF itās safe, such a great way to see beyond a photo and we all know that you can easily invest a lot of time without knowing if you click. Seeing your potential lover move and talk can help you know š x
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You're on my road - 19 Apr, 2020 - 10:20AM
Make use of video, such a great way to see beyond a photo and we all know that you can easily invest a lot of time without knowing if you click. Seeing your potential lover move and talk can help you know š x
tea_coffee_me_ - 18 Apr, 2020 - 09:19AM
In my personal experience, you cannot, hence why I do not do all the waffle before and meet as soon as possible.
I also do not (in 99.99999%) of cases make up my mind about about a person in a few minutes however I have found that many men (and from the letters women too) will make assumptions from a photo) will.
Many times I have chatted well, (with a man) made each other laugh, many things in common, they see my photo and, no thanks.
Expect rejection, anything else a positive.
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1363644 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 11:06PM
Guess what? You can't! In fact there is a phenomenon that too much chat starts a process where you manufacture a picture that becomes more fixed the longer you go on then explodes like a Zeppelin when you finally meet.
Chat just enough to get some basics sorted then quit until you meet. That way the let down is more like a parachute than a dive bomb. Preserve the mystery!
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ClassyLady77 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 06:30PM
Maybe move onto Kik exchange Live Photoās and plan to need to coffee or a drink... I never plan/want anything more first meet.. plus if heās not your type youāve not wasted to much time and if sparks happen then all the better for second date.... š
Go with your gut hun itās always right..
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1317223 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 06:04PM
Well you canāt! Not straight away anyway and certainly not until you meet in person. A telephone conversation can be interesting and just hearing their voice can help to gauge personality.
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851951 - 17 Apr, 2020 - 04:39PM
Haha Iām laughing here, of course he wonāt be!,
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open_alternative - 17 Apr, 2020 - 04:24PM
unfortunately .... you can't until you do meet and find out whether the pedestal you have put someone on is justified..
Given the amount of time before we are allowed out keeping that sense of perspective is going to be very tricky .
Try and get a sense of things from your chat , and if it seems to be going well then thats great , but you will just have to cross your fingers till you eventually clap eyes on him and assess that height / weight / hair / age matrix !
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