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Letters to Sara

Lazy Ladies

So your tummy is full of butterflies, you're dressed to kill, look good and smell gorgeous. You have been chatting for ages with him and today is the day. You meet, quiet bar. He is chivalrous and orders drinks. You are both nervous so you drop an icebreaker. 'so tell me what do you most like to do when you're not working - apart from the obvious (giggling). He thinks for a moment and delivers:

'My tastes are pretty old fashioned, I like tv and movies. I like to watch Top Gear and Pulp Fiction but have a particular distaste for Sci-Fi shows. But sometimes I listen to music where I have pretty simple tastes. I find Ed Sheeran and Coldplay agree but I disfavour the Foo Fighters'

Are you excited by this man's tastes or stunned into silence, wishing you were sticking pins in your eyes or drinking bleach? Really what 19th century costume drama has this guy come from.

Gingerly you ask ' can you say that again in English?

'Oh I am sorry' he says. 'I rehearsed what I was going to say by checking ladies' profiles on IE'.

I don't know what is worse, a woman who writes such rot or a man (like me) who sends a message asking said lady if she is interested.

Come on girls. If you can't be bothered to write even a few simple lines and (lazier still) cannot think what to write in your 'Ideal Partner' section, you're going to receive drivel in return. You know garbage in, garbage out.

(I'm new here so I am sure this has been addressed previously but needed to shout 'Ladies stop' Maybe I am oversensitive but then again I'm no expert on these things, being more a fan of BBC 6 Music and Genesis than The Beach Boys - What!!!).



32 members like this.

Comments (36)

Iwonderif72? - 18 Feb, 2020 - 11:31AM


I actually want to meet someone- but for an affair/ sex- not to marry!
It's not a traditional dating site.
Its primarily about physical attraction/ spark.
There is a huge difference between the type of men I want to have an affair with and the type of man I want to marry.
Hence why someone's interests, musical tastes etc are not of the slightest importance in this context.

1 member likes this comment.

Sportster1200L - 15 Feb, 2020 - 09:35PM


Genuine people who do care and actually want to meet someone.

5 members like this comment.

Maggie64 - 13 Feb, 2020 - 08:40PM

I just joined and having spent the evening looking at profiles, I have to say the generated ones are very irritating. Surely if you have made the effort to join this site, then make the effort to write a profile. I think they should remove the option of generated profiles.

7 members like this comment.

splendored - 13 Feb, 2020 - 10:05AM

I try not to be too judgemental when reading profiles or the initial response to messages but it doesn't take long to spot the lazy, unrealistic, over long and rambling nonsense. Dishonesty is a bit trickier to spot.

1 member likes this comment.

Be Yourself - 12 Feb, 2020 - 01:37PM

I think you'll find that many of the members of this site deliberately keep their profile fairly generic and ambiguous for reasons of discretion. I've heard real horror stories about the female experience of on-line dating and understand their desire to be less than forthright. Anyway, surely one of the most charming part of this site is the engagement and reveal. Discovering a new illicit partner and all their best bits.

1 member likes this comment.

Cuteness73 - 12 Feb, 2020 - 01:10PM

My profile is perfect or so I'm told repeatedly.
It's staggering I have yet to meet someone suitable.
Might be that I'm too thoughtful, too intelligent and not the 'don't take yourself too seriously' demanded by multiple male profiles.

anonymouse-1 - 12 Feb, 2020 - 10:10AM

I find even though I have a very detailed profile, I get asked “ so tell me about yourself “ ?? ...Really ?! And this is usually from a man that you has nothing on his. I answer with “what do you want to know.?” . .... usually asked “what are you looking for “....at this point I realise he’s not read one line of my profile or is just coping the same messages to every woman on here.
I’m also wondering how an affair with 200 miles distance would work ....I throw my hands up in the air and roll my eyes.

5 members like this comment.

Black Gent - 11 Feb, 2020 - 05:08PM

As a man I know exactly what I like so I put it down on paper! Some woman decided to write and tell me that my advert was compiled from taking the best of everyone's. I found that odd but still wondered who the hell she was to make that comment. Is everyone dyslexic as I stated? Does everyone work in Finance???

Anyway the great thing about this website is that there is a better balance of the sexes so a few idiots do not spoil the barrel.

Iwonderif72? - 08 Feb, 2020 - 04:53PM

Seriously? Who spends time reading them? No-one cares!!!

3 members like this comment.

Scribe69 - 08 Feb, 2020 - 01:15PM

Yep, have encountered a few of those, but I'm also slightly mindful that not all people are literary experts, and can be really stuck for something to say. When I joined the site a few days ago, it was late in the evening and I was tired, so I tried 'auto writing' thingy. No response: what a surprise! So, the following day I put my creative skills - such as they are - into practice and the responses have been far more enlightening.

When writing a message to a lady, I think the most difficult thing is thinking of a header. It is tricky to not think of 'Hello' or 'Hi' followed by some other witticism. Anyone else have that problem? (I think I managed though, eventually!)

1 member likes this comment.

CoKo21 - 07 Feb, 2020 - 02:09PM

Dreamtime, have to totally agree. I don't know why this site has such a lazy function. Surely people can summon up sufficient words to describe themselves and what sort of person they are looking for? I will not engage with someone who can't take a modicum of time and trouble to talk about themselves - in their own words! That is so important. And gifts and virtual kisses are even lazier nonsense!

6 members like this comment.

Winterdayz47 - 07 Feb, 2020 - 01:53PM

In my experience profiles are rarely read or if read then the contents ignored anyway. I did have a detailed "touchy feel" profile but honestly my current slap round the face profile still gets its fair share of dumb questions. My biggest bugbear is how guys from London ever think a Devon affair will work.

3 members like this comment.

Appreciating_Classic - 06 Feb, 2020 - 08:19PM

I've been known to initiate contact with ladies who have these vague, site-generated profiles just to see what's going on. It can be a conversational "in". I say a cheery hello and ask them to flesh out the bones a bit, asking what sort of gentleman they're seeking and what sort of encounter they're hoping for. Sometimes I get a reply but many times I don't.

Clearly there are some real ladies hiding behind these profiles, but I've no idea what they expect to happen. I guess that, being ladies, they don't need to exert much effort to drum up a manageable level of interest (unlike us chaps) so they don't bother.

2 members like this comment.

Ayleen - 05 Feb, 2020 - 10:58PM

You are oversensitive:)) x

4 members like this comment.

Dreamtime - 05 Feb, 2020 - 09:35PM

Absolutely.. The mens profiles that tell me about their taste in films etc is such drivel that it says so much about them in a way that I would never want to talk to them never mind meet. Even worse than "gifts" and virtual kisses.

4 members like this comment.

SunshineForever - 05 Feb, 2020 - 06:49PM

If I see a long winded profile I just lose interest. Brief, concise and straight to the point for me.
Anything funny definite brownie points. I do like a good old laugh...

5 members like this comment.

Sweet proposal - 05 Feb, 2020 - 05:31PM

@joelgray, thank you 😊

1 member likes this comment.

TheDawnTreader - 05 Feb, 2020 - 03:24PM

Most of my profile was written round this very subject - while it's more amusing than not, I agree with other contributors that if you're in conversation with a woman who's opted for this (or a guy if you're a woman) then you have no right to howl with outrage when it emerges that they're either indulging in pleasant fantasy by being on here (no harm in that except, you know, bad manners to waste the time of others) or that you're about to commit to a relationship where you'll be making 95% of the effort.

But that was a funny letter, though. Kudos.

2 members like this comment.

Joelgray3 - 05 Feb, 2020 - 02:14PM

Sweet Proposal. You may be tight but your profile is lovely. I just wish I were 7 years younger

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 05 Feb, 2020 - 01:36PM

Aphra2015 - 04 Feb, 2020 - 08:25PM
"And as for the ubiquitous 'kinda'... "

Oh my goodness I so agree with you … as soon as I read that word ugh … even Brad Pitt or George Clooney wouldn't tempt me!!!

3 members like this comment.

Dayveed - 05 Feb, 2020 - 09:41AM

Have you not realised that woman hold 5 aces? They can demand that we have an interesting and witty profile. They can tell us to use humour and mystery in our contact messages and yet they can do exactly the opposite! It’s true of every dating site or app. We as men cannot win, you either find yourself 6 aces or float with the tide.

Oh and the butterflies ... that’s your primitive brain’s fight or flight system kicking in, it’s your digestive system coming to a stop .. it’s sometimes followed by pissing yourself, another fight or flight process.... just saying :)

6 members like this comment.

Midnightincantation - 04 Feb, 2020 - 11:10PM

Would be nice to think men actually read a profile before randomly messaging..no one needs or wants a life history..."Less is more"..more enticing and interesting...IMO.

1 member likes this comment.

Louisav123 - 04 Feb, 2020 - 09:54PM

Probably same guy who. Is texting and looking for the lady of his dreams and demanding what his ideal lady is offering plus she is cleaning cooking and being this dreamy gorgeous slim young lady

1 member likes this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 04 Feb, 2020 - 08:28PM

ExoticOrchid - 04 Feb, 2020
Hmmm ... not guilty M'lud ... but then I get the "your profile is like War and Peace" complaint!!! 🙄

#metoo!! and many many insults for being specific (and blocked so I can't reply) and trying not to waste peoples time.
I state clean shaven, I request a photo, as many times they have facial hair!
Saves a lot of time!

3 members like this comment.

Aphra2015 - 04 Feb, 2020 - 08:25PM

I'm so glad someone has written in about this - I've thought of doing so many times, but reckoned the letter probably wouldn't get published. It's not just women who end up with bizarre, stilted, nonsensical profiles because they've used the 'generator'; I've read limitless similar rubbish from men. In what world does anyone say 'Friends tell me I have brown eyes and brown hair'? Doesn't he know himself what his colouring is? Or are there a great number of visually impaired men who use IE? And as for the ubiquitous 'kinda'... I do wonder if people who use the profile generator never actually read what's been 'created' for them - and if they do, why they don't see how ungrammatical and conceptually odd it is. Like CuriousC I avoid anyone who has a profile like it.

9 members like this comment.

Sweet proposal - 04 Feb, 2020 - 07:19PM

True but I’m my experience no matter how clear I am in my profile I still don’t think I get what I’m looking for.

2 members like this comment.

Devonian1954 - 04 Feb, 2020 - 06:53PM

Personally I am not in favour of "disfavour". Is it a proper word even? I agree with FunLoverNow.

1357098-Deleted - 04 Feb, 2020 - 06:24PM

I enjoy reading the 'Letters to Sara' but have never added a comment before, but this letter is by far the best I have read, I scratch my head sometimes when reading a profile and wonder why a lady with a Bachelors or Masters Degree can't even write her own profile ! Its bad enough looking at the same boring IE primary profile pictures, the same lips and legs etc on virtually every profile, have a bit of imagination please.

3 members like this comment.

Caravaggia - 04 Feb, 2020 - 05:28PM

This applies to both genders - the amount of times I have read "I like all the usual things"(yawn).

I repeatedly tell men who write to me who have the sketchiest of profiles that this is an opportunity to sell themselves which they are not make the fullest use of plus if you fail to get an impression you are either going to think they are boring or not bright enough. Given that men have to pay I cannot understand them not making the best effort.

5 members like this comment.

Joelgray3 - 04 Feb, 2020 - 03:58PM

Oh Tantalising I have been here since January although I was also here for a while last year and only left because I had an idyllic affair. If you were a little younger and in the south east who knows

ExoticOrchid - 04 Feb, 2020 - 03:01PM

Hmmm ... not guilty M'lud ... but then I get the "your profile is like War and Peace" complaint!!! 🙄

6 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 04 Feb, 2020 - 02:59PM

Me thinks this member has been on the site a number of times and just enjoys writing scenarios but never wanting to meet anyone.l

But then each to their own !!

4 members like this comment.

CuriousC - 04 Feb, 2020 - 01:50PM

Why would you bother messaging someone who couldn’t be bothered to write something about themselves, I don’t usually respond to men’s profiles that read like that (and lots do) as it tells you nothing about them.

11 members like this comment.

Sportster1200L - 04 Feb, 2020 - 12:27PM

Totally agree.

I find that ladies who dont put at least some effort into their profiles and just use the profile generator are usually just browsing and dont actually intend to meet anyone.

3 members like this comment.

1360412-Scheduled For Deletion - 04 Feb, 2020 - 12:24PM

I so agree. It is very difficult to know how to approach the first message to a woman. Yes, it's important to have read her profile and reflect that in your message, but, in that case, give us something to go on!
It is also hard to know how to pitch it, Some women like it to be soft and gentle, but then one feels it is difficult to make an impression beyond the other messages she may receive. Others like it up front and sexual. There's just no way of knowing and, if you get it wrong, that's it... end of that potential relationship before it even begins. So, again, we are having to read between the lines. Give us something to go on!
Spend a little time on what you want and who you seek. Be clear. Then we might be able to get it right!

4 members like this comment.

Joelgray3 - 04 Feb, 2020 - 11:48AM

Many thanks to IE for publishing this letter

7 members like this comment.

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