020 7729 6098 020 7729 6098
uk flag Used by over 1,365,540 genuine UK users since 2003


Letters to Sara

Knowing Me, Knowing You … !

But most importantly, knowing yourself. As in knowing exactly what this site is about and knowing in your own mind whether this is what you really are prepared to do. This applies to both men and women here.

Why do I say this? I say this because I’m sick and tired of men here who are not sure, who do not have the cajones to actually meet up, never mind actually having an affair.

For example, very recently, I was in lengthy contact with a gentleman [I use the term loosely] who was very keen to meet up, in fact he suggested it first and we arranged a place and time. You know what I’m going to say now, don’t you? Yup, a couple of days before the meet, he sent a message to say he was already nervous and couldn’t go through with it [we are talking about a coffee meet here btw, nothing more]. I suppose he wanted brownie points for actually letting me know in advance rather than cancelling on the actual day.

Dear reader, yes, there is a possibility that he was only making an excuse but having had a fairly involved correspondence with him, I don’t think that was the case. I could be wrong of course.

However, the bottom line is this: men like him need to grow a pair, pronto!!!

14 members like this.

Comments (13)

chris19389 - 30 Jan, 2020 - 08:42PM

I’m planning my first meeting with a lovely woman from here. I’m anxious, and I think she is too, but we are trying to make this less dramatic by saying we will at least be friends even if we don’t fancy each other.

Apart from “growing a pair” how do others get over this initial anxiety?

Dreamtime - 27 Jan, 2020 - 05:57PM

Have minimal chat, don't chase if they don't follow up to confirm date. Then you never expect anything. If they do cancel then think about what red flags you saw during your chat. Red flags are too much and too intimate chat before meeting.

2 members like this comment.

Joelgray3 - 27 Jan, 2020 - 02:06PM

Hate to say it girls but some of you behave the same way. Trust me I would meet

2 members like this comment.

Black Gent - 26 Jan, 2020 - 02:07PM

Well everyone needs to toughen.. This always was a high-risk venture. The world is full of keyboards warriors preparing to do wonderful things for you.

Nowadays I simply view EVERYONE as a timewaster until such time as they prove themselves otherwise.

2 members like this comment.

Why...not? - 25 Jan, 2020 - 04:03PM

At least you had a couple of days notice!!

I've had 15 minutes notice!

1 member likes this comment.

1344577-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2020 - 10:31PM

I had a guy chatting for weeks over Xmas dieing to meet me when he was back in England
Everything going great , flirting, sexy chat then literally 4 hrs before arranged meeting cancelled.
It was only a drink meeting which he had done with other women before. Didn't even have an excuse just said he couldn't do it!!!!
Thank god I'm not married or have kids to think about.
But to be fair I wasn't really that into him so no loss.lol.

1 member likes this comment.

theartoftouch - 22 Jan, 2020 - 07:17PM

I regret I crossed the wrong line. My partner cannot do that since there is no line for her, just choice and nobody should be left frustrated. Liberal.

MrsDiscreet - 22 Jan, 2020 - 12:13PM

I’m genuinely please when a guy decides that he doesn’t want to cross that line and actually have an affair, that he thinks that he can’t do that to his wife. I remain in contact with a couple of men that ‘got away’ and decided not to cross the line. For them it’s worked out.
I’m a little envious, that they valued their Primary relationship that much. And I feel sad that I have crossed that line and that I will continue to.

5 members like this comment.

Raquel12 - 21 Jan, 2020 - 05:21PM

At least he told you a couple of days before meeting instead of ghosting, which would have been plain rude of him, not to mention a lack of empathy. However, you are right. Why did he suggest meet up in the first place if he wasn't sure? Why be on this site and arrange to meet? It's annoying, of course. But you say you are sick and tired of men here who don't have the cojones to meet up. Maybe you should change your attitude. Be the one who seems unsure and wobbly sometimes before meeting up while flirting with him other times. They will be there at the meeting point days before the date. Well, a real gentleman maybe would get bored of the game, but this is IE, you know.

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 21 Jan, 2020 - 05:10PM

Quite a few here without a pair I'm afraid.

8 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 21 Jan, 2020 - 02:59PM

Unless you are sat in front of someone at a meeting, expect to be stood up. Easiest way.

I have lost count of how many times I have been stood up, and for me it comes with childcare costs! From being given a message that morning (they will no longer meet), and as my childcare gave up other work for me, I still have to cover the costs.
To the person saying see you in half and hour, me arriving, and then, either never been heard from again, or contacting me a few months later forgetting what they did to me!!

Too many are here for an ego boost. Many will chat, ego boost with never any intention to meet. For some it is the thrill of the chase, to collect a photo code, or phone number, and never to be heard from again.

It is what it is and there are people on both sides equally are not committed to an affair.
For the men though, use your subscription money on your wives, they will bl**dy deserve it for putting up with you!

Enjoy :-)

5 members like this comment.

Caravaggia - 21 Jan, 2020 - 02:53PM

The problem here is that many of them still really really love their wives. Obviously there are loads of reasons why Mrs X says she doesn't want nookie any more. Menopause, illness, or other more complex issues but the bottom line is that the men have a love bond with the wife or partner and often one or more children whom they live in fear of upsetting.

The degree to which a man has the intelligence to unpick all this and work out that yes, to expect him to live another 25 or 30 years without sex is extremely unreasonable of the wife. And yes, I think it is very unreasonable. Just because Mrs X doesn't want that intimacy does not mean Mr X wants to abstain, hence the existence of this site.

I had a relationship with a guy who used to feel guilty in the middle of the night and buzz of at three in the morning from the hotel. I was NOT impressed and stopped seeing him because there were always three of us in the bed and the biggest was his guilt.

Sort yourselves out lads.

7 members like this comment.

I’ll Have What She’s Having - 21 Jan, 2020 - 11:20AM

All hat no trousers. Is it their long winded thanks but not thanks? Waste of everyone’s time.

I recall hearing the words ‘I’m afraid if we meet up you might want to have sex with me’.

I didn’t know how to reply to that. Anyway, we met up eventually and he got over his fear fairly swiftly.

8 members like this comment.

Currently online:
Registered Users: 673

Letters to Sara

secure discrete friendly