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Letters to Sara


Dear Sara

Maybe I’m a traditional girl at heart, believing that a man should take the lead in a relationship and behave like a gentleman!

I recently met with a lovely guy, we clicked upon meeting and the sexual attraction was like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

We met a few times and he made it quite clear that he wanted to see me every week.
On one occasion I was staying into a rather nice hotel so we headed back there and spent many hours together, and again that was great.

Then before our next meet, he asked if I could accommodate in the future!! Now I’m happy to pay my half of any hotel costs, drinks and dinners but being asked if I could accommodate at mine just cheapened the whole idea of an exciting affair where I was hoping to be left feeling special! Although I could have accommodated, I said that it would be tricky.

Since then communication has broken down, and having quizzed him as to whether I’m not the right girl he continues to admit that I am. I notice he is actively back on IE. He seemed such a nice genuine guy, but obviously knows how to get what he wants.

I have decided to call it a day there but wondered if any of you girls had come across a similar situation where the man wants a cheap affair! The lady that ends up with him will feel like she has fallen in her feet meeting him as he comes across as a lovely guy yet if only she knew that he has eliminated some potential partners in favour of her best attribute being able to accommodate!! Just be careful ladies, the men’s intentions aren’t always as they seem.

23 members like this.

Comments (35)

Caravaggia - 16 Jan, 2020 - 06:44PM

This whole subject is an interesting one. Firstly, it depends on finances on each side. And of course circumstances (like whether or not one is single) but it is not the quality of the hotel that matters so much as the respect given to you. I am happy with cheap cheerful but clean accommodation but insist on decent food - it doesn't have to be full gourmet just a place where they take time and consideration over food preparation.

As one of the other contributors have said, it is better to iron this out from the start. I have a male colleague who uses this site and he is fairly well paid, if he meets a lady who is in work that pays considerably less than he he would not hesitate to pay for the hotel. I think his wanting to stay in your own place (unless you had been seeing each other for at least 6 months) and having the cheek to ask was taking advantage - he should have waited to be asked and then you would have only made the offer when you felt comfortable.

Dreamtime - 16 Jan, 2020 - 05:27PM

If a man can't get his act together to offer and plan hotels then he is either inexperienced or a cheapskate. Usually that type preys on women who are feeling a bit desperate, sadly.

1 member likes this comment.

MissSparklyEyes - 14 Jan, 2020 - 11:58AM

My profile says that if he's gonna get me, he has to have a plan......simple and crystal clear!!!

1 member likes this comment.

De Ville - 04 Jan, 2020 - 06:34PM

I would feel uncomfortable in someone's home unless knew them very well

3 members like this comment.

Why...not? - 02 Jan, 2020 - 12:40AM

You'd be bonkers to accommodate at home! If you are single I guess that is a little different but even still. And if someone suggested I went to hers I would be uncomfortable! Unless I knew her well I guess.

I'm a 50/50 kind of guy but there are rather a lot of ladies looking for the princess treatment which for most "normal" chaps is a bit unrealistic.

7 members like this comment.

bringing on back the good times - 28 Dec, 2019 - 02:33AM

@Temping @ Rumplesbear - Never... and i mean NEVER sell yourself short!..
I am quite articulate but i had to google the term 'himidere' and guess what .... i AM a princess and i WANT to be treated like royalty.. I shook my head in disbelief that you travelled 100+ mils to meet him as he wouldn't meet you half way - He wouldnt even get past first base with me - he's put zero effort in! As you say - speaks volumes about him. Ps. I"m sure for the right person I would be more than satisfied with the yoga mat ;-)

5 members like this comment.

Black Gent - 23 Dec, 2019 - 07:37AM

I think it is best to get things clear from the start. It all begins with the profile you put up. Then then continues with serious talks. The chap should not treat the place like a flop house and could maybe take his lady out and cover the bills for the date. As a man I am thankful for a respite from a demanding job and an indifferent home situation. Bank accounts do not have to be dented as thoughtfulness has its own dividend.

3 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 19 Dec, 2019 - 11:36AM


My point exactly!

RumplesBear - 13 Dec, 2019 - 01:07AM


Never said you did, but some come across in that manner.

There's cheap. There's income variance. Then there's a yoga mat.

That's a whole new level right there, speaks volumes about the guy.

3 members like this comment.

orion1966 - 12 Dec, 2019 - 07:45PM

Personally, speaking from a male perspective, I think splitting everything down the middle at the start is the most transparent and pragmatic approach, then there is no expectation on either side as to who is paying and who is not. As the relationship develops over time, and mutual trust becomes the norm, the issue should become relatively immaterial.

6 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 12 Dec, 2019 - 01:43PM

Talltotty - 10 Dec, 2019 - 09:33PM
"so I politely suggested he find a single woman with her own house"
Sounds like he might be one of those who got in touch with me … haha.

4 members like this comment.

looking4lust - 11 Dec, 2019 - 06:50PM

HardBrexiteer - it seems to me that you have entirely missed the point both here and in your politics. I think you want to have your cake, and eat it. You seem to have a one sided view and do not see that the concept of "Win-Win" where everyone ends up happy (or at least equally unhappy) with the status quo requires some effort and consideration from you for the other persons position.

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Goodtothelastdrop - 11 Dec, 2019 - 01:34PM

Having read this thread and as a man I would expect to pick up the bill as it the gentlemanly thing to do especially when it comes to having an affair. I would not and should not expect this from a woman. However I have also picked up that quite a number of women, who appear to do very much the same thing where men are concerned and this is a note of caution for all. I have on a number of occasions chatted to women who on the surface appear to be what someone would be looking for, however as the chatting continues it becomes blatantly obvious she is not what she appears to be, it is a bit like reverse grooming for the male ego and that is a problem. It will be little things like photos to entice, email and phone number given when not asked for, and if you decided to get in touch, the seductive photos and finally the even more subtle demands for money. To be honest this a problem for the site managers and has become increasingly a problem I have noted. I guess it is time for me to reassess this site.

11 members like this comment.

Talltotty - 10 Dec, 2019 - 09:33PM

One man I met ( only the once) asked if we could go to my late father's empty house!!!! When I didn't agree to his request he then asked if we could go to a property I let out..... I have tennants in it...... so I politely suggested he find a single woman with her own house or a woman who owns a chain of hotels! 🙄🤯

4 members like this comment.

Bob100 - 10 Dec, 2019 - 05:07PM

Its back to honesty say from the start how expenses will be shared.
The new to it chaps I suspect overlook in the excitement the costs of hotels particularly the better hotels booked to impress?
Private or public rooms in clubs can be fun and in a way less furtive but still private.
There is always the motives behind men meeting, not all just want one lover/playmate.

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 10 Dec, 2019 - 01:00PM

Raquel12 - 09 Dec, 2019 - 01:15PM

Hear, hear!

1 member likes this comment.

HappyHedonist - 10 Dec, 2019 - 12:26PM

In life the happiest path is normally to put trust in people as most people fundamentally want to do good and will reward your trust...on IE perhaps a touch more caution is a good idea.

For the man once we've read a few profiles we start common threads...we spot the profiles that mention generous or appreciative...the hints in the language that imply a financial unequal relationship wouldnt be unwelcome.

I get the feeling from reading female profiles that its no different for the women here? Are they just going to be bedpost notches or suppliers of one handed cyber chat?

I'm rambling a bit...message I meant to communicate is that at every stage we are trying to read where the relationship is going. A sense that someone is abusing an ability to accommodate is part of this. Stay alert to the nuance & communicate clearly especially when we sense divergence.

1 member likes this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 10 Dec, 2019 - 11:54AM

I certainly do not have a himedere complex but I do draw the line at having sex on a yoga mat on a dirty office floor for every meet, especially when I have already had to travel 100+ miles at considerable expense for that privilege as he wasn't prepared to meet even half way!

As well as the discomfort, there was also the lack of hygiene facilities shall we say. Nuff said. Believe me, some guys are just plain cheap, nothing to do with finances.

6 members like this comment.

RumplesBear - 09 Dec, 2019 - 09:53PM


Nail on the head.

Anyway, I digress.

While browsing profiles, you can see a pattern:
Some are quite overt about their expectations that the man should provide a high degree of the financial side of things.
Some use the pre-built profiles and slip a line or so in there.
Others code it between the lines.

Now either there's a lot of ladies who are used to their partner - and let's get political here, as it is the season - in the top 5% so to speak. Or, more likely, they aren't. And they want that traditional idea of an affair where the man wooshes in and sweeps her off her feet; because it's not happening at home.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong (entirely possible), and there are a few ladies here with genuine himedere complex.

3 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 09 Dec, 2019 - 03:35PM

@ Lavender 1970
I agree that not every man here have "high flying jobs and lots of cash ready at hand" but not all hotels have to be 5* ones.

To you and others who are able to/happy to accommodate, that is fine, good for you. Everyone and everyone's situation/attitude is different.

Each to their own.

5 members like this comment.

Raquel12 - 09 Dec, 2019 - 01:15PM

Don't ever think you are wrong for not wanting to accommodate. All your points are right and why would you accommodate if you don't feel comfortable with it? You say you are okay with sharing expenses, so you are doing your part. Don't let anyone manipulate you. This is not a relationship for life. If anyone can accommodate and is fine with it, that's their choice and if it's ok for them, there is nothing wrong with it. But if it's not right for you, don't give in.

6 members like this comment.

Dublinblue911 - 09 Dec, 2019 - 10:17AM

Hello Sara lovely to meet you .. Very sexy .. Can you come to Dublin
Great bars and clubs .. Bring your Spider-Man PJ with you .. Xx

Lavender 1970 - 07 Dec, 2019 - 08:14PM

It's seems to me that a lot of women want a man with money to spoil them with hotels and dinners but not all guys on here have high flying jobs and lots of cash ready at hand.
Some are ordinary working class men who's wives would be suspicious if money went missing with no explanation.
I can accommodate and have had affairs with ordinary working guys who can't afford the expense. It doesn't cheapen the experience.
If you want to see that person then surely making life easier for them is better ,less stressful so ultimately a much nicer time together.

5 members like this comment.

RumplesBear - 07 Dec, 2019 - 05:36PM

Putting my thinking cap on, unless you're situation is fine with you having visitors (and are happy to do so) ; it's probably best you keep your world and your secret as far away from each other as possible.

As for costs, splitting things is generally less hassle, it shouldn't mean you settle for his/her Ford KA every couple of weeks.

Well, not unless you're into that.

1 member likes this comment.

RumplesBear - 07 Dec, 2019 - 05:32PM

Putting my thinking cap on

2 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 06 Dec, 2019 - 04:40PM

I’ll Have What She’s Having - 05 Dec, 2019 - 03:58PM

Needless to say it was a very short liaison!

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The Actress - 06 Dec, 2019 - 02:53PM

@ I'll Have What She's Having.

"To be frank it was easy and comfortable to have him over. No one knew, no excuses to be invented and I could set time frames to suit me. Plus, best yet, no travelling for me".

Sorry folks, for single old me, IHWSH, has got it right!

Not much effort the change a sheet, and always a lovely lunch, before, and a walk in the park, with the dog, and afternoon tea, to round off a day.

But then, I'm a widow, and not on the hunt for another husband, (hence my presence here; too independent nowadays), so that suits me just fine!

However I do understand the constraints for a "both with families to consider" liaison, and I wish you all the best with the logistics; hold out for whatever works for you!

2 members like this comment.

Midnightincantation - 05 Dec, 2019 - 11:49PM

Hardbrexiteer..are you for real???.."once the relationship gets going"..

5 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 05 Dec, 2019 - 05:19PM

I'm afraid you missed the point!

As far As I'm concerned, my real life and my IE life are totally separate and never the twain shall meet.

A hotel is neutral ground.

9 members like this comment.

I’ll Have What She’s Having - 05 Dec, 2019 - 03:58PM

@Temping, what a catch! The yoga mat made me die laughing.

Yes have had LTA with cheap skate where I was the idiot buying the toys, snacks and accommodating. To be frank it was easy and comfortable to have him over. No one knew, no excuses to be invented and I could set time frames to suit me. Plus, best yet, no travelling for me.

Regarding the toys I did demand half payment at the end of affair. The snacks I let go. He needed the energy.

6 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 05 Dec, 2019 - 11:47AM

"wondered if any of you girls had come across a similar situation where the man wants a cheap affair!"

Yes … because I'm single, some men think I will let them come to my home … no way José!!!

There are some men here definitely looking for a cheap affair. Had one who wanted to meet at his office [his own business, one man band] on a Saturday. So, the first time was kind of exciting as you can imagine but not when it became clear it was to be the venue of choice every time [he had very thoughtfully bought a yoga mat]!

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Iwonderif72? - 04 Dec, 2019 - 07:05PM

Nooooooo......I would NEVER have someone at my house. Think of all the risks!
Plus, why do I want to do all the cleaning up after? Kind of spoils the fun.
I think he just wanted to have his cake and eat it.
You did the right thing- end it and move on.
It has to work for you both.
Frankly, otherwise he should be paying for it with a um....Specialist lady let's say

9 members like this comment.

HardBrexiteer - 04 Dec, 2019 - 12:29PM

Regret I don't get this. It would have been different if there were very good reasons why you couldn't accommodate, but you admit you could have done. I agree that expecting you to accommodate all the time would be a bit much, but once the relationship got going as it seems it did, what is the difference between you accommodating some of the time and paying your share when you use a hotel etc? For the first few meetings yes, you want to feel special and any gentleman worth the name will ensure you do, but when it's reached the stage of meeting regularly it's the two participants who are the most important, not the location. If he wasn't reciprocating in some way then I'd agree with your attitude, but if he's paying all the restaurant bills for example, then he's not looking for an affair on the cheap. As a man I'm always willing to pay more than my share, but I'd expect a lady to contribute in some way occasionally.

Kittenkat1 - 04 Dec, 2019 - 11:39AM

I personally would never accommodate even if it was possible as that changes the dynamics of what it was ..namely an affair, which should be fun and feel special for both . which tbh if I'm changing sheets most definitely isn't special for me
However an affair can cost money and that can impact on peoples family finances, so i am very happy to share costs.
Its about compromise and being realistic not about the man taking the lead or being a gentlemen.
It's s nearly 2020 FGS and women can often earn more than the man and should IMO behave as equals in all things not just pick and choose the bits that suit

7 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 04 Dec, 2019 - 09:51AM

One of the reasons I now have on my profile asking if they are able/prepared to accommodate, as many men expected me to accommodate AT MY HOME and I have children!!

Many were very confused as to why I declined to have a stranger, I had only started chatting with at my home, or provide my address etc etc!!
Some have expected to visit THAT NIGHT!!
(Some strange men have also asked me if I will go to another country to visit them!
First meeting etc, no prior getting to know!!)

Many men (and no doubt women) are on here, just to use the other person for free 'adult time' and discard just as quickly.

Patience is a requirement!

16 members like this comment.

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