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Letters to Sara

Help!

Dear Sara

So 6months ago in a moment of madness I discovered IE. Within 24hours I had messages from more fruit bats then you could ever imagine. Fast forward and on the brink of giving up... a miracle occurred. I have since met the man of my absolute dreams! We have the most amazing sex, conversation, meet ups and connection. We message everyday, despite being quite a bit apart and it’s literally wonderful. The catch I hear you all saying... Well that has just turnt up! His wife has just announced she is pregnant!!! Where does this leave me? How do I continue? I don’t think I can? But I don’t want to end it? Neither does he? I’ve tried to block him out and not message him, but I miss him like crazy! I haven’t slept with him since I found out and I know all females reading this will probably say stay away it’s evil, but I don’t think I can. Should I meet him one last time and see if I could actually continue? Or if when it comes to the crunch I actually couldn’t do that to a pregnant woman anyhow? Please feel free to shoot me down if that’s how you want to react. Woman in despair!

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Comments (33)

affair to remember - 13 Dec, 2019 - 02:31PM

most men want to hit and run...pay as little as they can first and meet just for sex..thats the way of this site

4 members like this comment.

are you for real - 12 Dec, 2019 - 03:14PM

ukrob48-whist here for great sex. I like a lot(not all)of women ,only find sex great with a mental connection , some whos company I enjoy in and out of bed, you put a lot of trust into a person if you are having an affair with them, so it needs to be worth it, I guy dropping his undies and saying how about is not a spark, it takes seduction and effort for a great affair, no time for a long sex meet but can grab a coffee , yes that makes a difference. Sex is easy to get , hang around the hotel bar and wait for guys working away, if you want more than sex why is that wrong anymore than just wanting sex?Be honest , not all women on here drop their knickers at a drop of a hat, we tend to be worth it.

4 members like this comment.

UKRob48 - 06 Dec, 2019 - 03:38PM

This may not be welcome but a mans perspective here. I think you have to remember what site you are on. I see lots of profiles where women are looking for "walks in the park, candlelit dinners, romantic weekends away etc etc" yet they say that their home life is fine, they don't want to change it and it's only the 'spark' that is missing. It sounds to me that for a lot of these women there is a lot more missing than the spark! In which case, you should change your life. I'm in a ltr and to all intents and purposes it't what i want and it's good. It is the energy inducing, stomach flipping, hot and passionate physical element thats missing. I want someone to rock my body not my world. Anything else should be treated as a bonus. And taken with a pinch of salt. This site is clearly designed to connect people for illicit sex. Any expectation beyond that is, I think, looking for trouble and heartache.

5 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 03 Dec, 2019 - 09:23PM

Just fancy you could be the one who is pregnant by him !

ExoticOrchid - 03 Dec, 2019 - 12:02PM

The Actress - 23 Nov, 2019 - 12:08PM
Secondhand Rose - 29 Nov, 2019 - 10:15AM

Ahh great minds think alike??? ;-)

Temping - 02 Dec, 2019 - 05:49PM

Secondhand Rose

Do be careful ---- what you write in these letter columns, tells the men far more about us, than we show on our carefully manicured profiles

Actually maybe yours is but my profile is not carefully manicured. I have not put any effort into mine at all. I am also afraid my mind is obviously not as devious as yours to think that this chap's wife might not be pregnant with his baby.

Santa says your Christmas present this year is a Wooden Spoon. Happy stirring.

2 members like this comment.

Secondhand Rose - 29 Nov, 2019 - 10:15AM

@Temping

Where in the letter does it mention that "He obviously doesn't doubt it since he knows he's been having sex with his own wife at the same time"

I was thinking the same thing as The Actress! We don't KNOW that he was sleeping with his wife, at the same time as his dalliance with the letter writer, do we? (Unless you know something we don't?)

Therefore your letter was based on assumptions, not facts.

Do be careful ---- what you write in these letter columns, tells the men far more about us, than we show on our carefully manicured profiles; If you doubt that, just look at the flack, stirred up by "the art of touch" in the letter thread "What is this thing"

Second-hand Rose

1 member likes this comment.

Temping - 26 Nov, 2019 - 09:57PM

The Actress
Wow that's not very nice. How nasty of you!

Surely that is between him and his wife. Just because he's cheating on his wife, do you need to cast doubt on her integrity? He obviously doesn't doubt it since he knows he's been having sex with his own wife at the same time. Are you trying to make the writer of this letter to say this to the man and create more grief for the wife?

Unbelievable!!!

2 members like this comment.

HOGinnit - 26 Nov, 2019 - 09:26PM

Mmm...woman in despair ehh... I have a feeling he saw that in you too which is why he came up with the classic line 'my wife is pregnant'. He knows it takes an awful lot for a woman to cause trouble if there's a baby on the way. That's sometimes the thing about human perceptions - what you were/are experiencing (man of my absolute dreams, amazing sex etc) might just be another notch on the bedpost for him and going through the motions to keep you engaged however, maybe he saw how close you were getting, maybe he didn't want contact every day and felt this was his way to cool things off. Obviously we don't know his side of the story and it may well be genuine... I kinda don't think so. Ask yourself if anything has changed in the way he engages with you now that you have this information. Is he accepting of your suggestion to not continue? You obviously sound in pieces about this, so much so you had to write about it where most would just move on and leave him to it. This is what he has seen in you I think.

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 23 Nov, 2019 - 12:08PM

So! He's having an affair with you?
Presumably because he's NOT getting what he needs at home?
Now his wife says she's pregnant!
One thing no-one seems to have asked is.........
IS HE CERTAIN, THAT IT'S HIS?

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 20 Nov, 2019 - 02:59PM

Lavender 1970 - 19 Nov, 2019 - 10:18PM

Ahh sorry, I didn't even think about the spelling, I just wanted to emphasise that I wasn't judging. My bad.

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 20 Nov, 2019 - 02:57PM

Lavender 1970 - 19 Nov, 2019 - 10:18PM
Ahh sorry, I didn't put judgey in quotation marks to show the spelling is wrong … it was to emphasise it, that's all … tbh I didn't think about the spelling at all … I knew what you meant.#

1 member likes this comment.

Lavender 1970 - 19 Nov, 2019 - 10:18PM

Exotic orchid
No no I didn't mean you being judgey at all.
And yes I know I spelt that wrong LOL.
It's just a few people seem to have a very opinionated view for someone on a site like this.

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 18 Nov, 2019 - 06:43PM

Lavender 1970
I agree with all you said and no, I was NOT being "judgey" of you at all ... it was a genuine question ... believe me, being a single female on here, I know all about being judged! Also, I was married for almost a quarter of a century and I know more than most about staying married for the sake of children.

3 members like this comment.

Lavender 1970 - 18 Nov, 2019 - 10:18AM

Exotic orchid
Yes he loves his little boy to death and that's why he would never leave.
So many of us lie on here and to our IES to make them happy and life easier.
When they tell you there not having sex to a man having sex once or twice a year is not having sex LOL.
I was happy to continue because neither of us were in love and I suppose I'm hard hearted lol
But life is so very short why shouldn't we be happy I wanted him so I had him....simples....
If that makes me the devil in carnate then bring it on.I have no regrets.
Aren't we all doing wrong just being on here. LOL.
Stop being so judgey.

7 members like this comment.

susan104 - 16 Nov, 2019 - 07:55PM

There is a lot of men on here having sex with there wife’s some woman can delude there self and think there not most men are here because there sex life is boring or not often enough and if he has a pregnant wife do the right thing and let him get on with it there is to many feelings envolved here and that’s not what iE is ment to be about x

4 members like this comment.

dejavu_again - 16 Nov, 2019 - 05:52PM

Whilst I agree with most here that you should end it... there is an underlying inference in this thread that only people that are not having sex with their spouse should have an affair?

Is this correct?

3 members like this comment.

RumplesBear - 16 Nov, 2019 - 05:41PM

We're going to need popcorn.

The amount of profiles which state honesty is a must trait for them -while browsing IE, I might add- and then go off on some faux outrage here.

Chances are, if your IE is living with/married to someone; and that's their real life, chances are they may have sex. Maybe it's once in a blue moon, or a world cup; but it's silly to think otherwise.

Probably want to drop the stones in this very big glass house.

4 members like this comment.

RumplesBear - 15 Nov, 2019 - 07:44PM

Shock horror, married/attached person on IE now and again gets intimate with their partner.

Why is this news to you?

You don't know this women, you're here for the same illicit reasons he is. Pony up and carry on your rendezvous or sack him off if somehow this bothers you.

Lots of people are here because their relationship is rocky/they've turned into friends etc. Stuff still happens. I bet he doesn't ask you if you're still intimate with your partner? Because most people will be, and that's a massive double standards.

5 members like this comment.

Lavender 1970 - 15 Nov, 2019 - 01:59PM

I think your find a lot if guys on here are gutless

Lavender 1970 - 15 Nov, 2019 - 01:58PM

Are you for real.
I agree he needs a backbone and yes he should of left her but they have been married for a very long time and he wanted to make her happy the same as a lot of people feel.
But not knowing the full story ,who are we to judge!!!!

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 15 Nov, 2019 - 01:56PM

Tantalising - 13 Nov, 2019 - 08:44PM

"what a wally to make his wife pregnant"
Better than making the mistress pregnant though! :-)

4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 15 Nov, 2019 - 01:54PM

Lavender 1970 - 14 Nov, 2019 - 01:25PM

" he can't make himself love his wife again "
I'm hoping he loves the baby though!!!

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 14 Nov, 2019 - 05:59PM

Surely the bottom line is that only *you* can decide ... sounds to me like you seem to have forgotten you are on an adultery site where you are having an affair with a married man.

Ask yourself this ... if you are the wife who is pregnant, how would you feel if you found out?

7 members like this comment.

are you for real - 14 Nov, 2019 - 04:33PM

lavender..he needs a backbone not a friend, wont leave no kids, goes along with all the pain and heartbreak of IVF FOR ONE HE DOES NOT WANT, SHOULD OF LEFT HIS WIFE THEN , WOULD OF DONE THEM BOTH A FAVOUR. Do hope most men on here are not as gutless.

8 members like this comment.

Lavender 1970 - 14 Nov, 2019 - 01:25PM

My IE went through IVF with his wife thinking blindly it wouldn't work ....well it did and although we did stop for awhile he was so unhappy about becoming a dad(he did not want children at all) he soon needed me ,were not in love but as a friend I was there for him.
We do still meet for sex now and then and his child is 18 months old now but unfortunately he can't make himself love his wife again but needs a friend and someone to talk to.
BUT if I was in love with him as I suspect you are I would not continue to see him or communicate with him as your only going to get hurt in the end
Most men will stay in an unhappy relationship for the children.
My situation suits me but not everyone.

5 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 13 Nov, 2019 - 08:44PM

Mmm sex with two women at the same time does often happen but what a wally to make his wife pregnant. To have a wife who is pregnant and actually having a relationship with someone is the pits.

10 members like this comment.

silverfox64 - 13 Nov, 2019 - 05:56PM

Obviously you should end it immediately......and to be honest he should have already done so. It does beg the questions...
Did you know he was still being intimate with his wife?
If you carry on then what on earth do you expect to get out of this affair?

3 members like this comment.

1344600-Deleted - 13 Nov, 2019 - 05:24PM

I think that if you both want to have sex, you should both have sex.
If you both don't, then don't.

Did you really need help with this?

4 members like this comment.

Iwonderif72? - 13 Nov, 2019 - 03:46PM

I have to say it must end- now. There are lines you don't cross- even in this 'game'. His wife being pregnant is one of those lines.
And as for him.......don't even get me started!!!!

13 members like this comment.

Raquel12 - 13 Nov, 2019 - 03:20PM

Although I feel sorry for you and I understand how you may feel, I'd say 'stay out of it.' It's a no-brainer. This can end really bad with horrible consequences for everyone involved. What if she finds out while she's still pregnant? Or when she's just had the baby? Make no mistake, she will be suspicious and more sensitive than any other time in her life. And he's not worth it right now, if ever. He's reaching out too at a probably difficult time in his life and as a couple with his wife. What looks like a wonderful man of your dreams is an illusion. It's all good while it's an affair, but it seems you have more feelings for him than you should have. So question those feelings and protect yourself too. Your future self will thank you. Profoundly! Find somebody else with no children or fully grown-up children and keep it nsa.

9 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 13 Nov, 2019 - 02:56PM

Am I missing something?

If you are involved with a man who is 'married to' a woman who is not completely infertile, why is this not something you have already pre-considered before signing up to IE?
(If there is genuine irreversible infertility there is still the adoption, surrogacy question etc)

Good grief!!!
As I say so many times some people are really NOT in the right place!

This is one of the MANY elements both of you should have dealt with BEFORE ***considering*** an affair! let alone conducting one.

Now you are in this situation either you will or you wont for x period of time!

4 members like this comment.

are you for real - 13 Nov, 2019 - 02:51PM

His wife is having a baby ie(no pun intended)they are having sex, so he does not need you for sex, maybe there is more too what you have and her being pregnant does not stop feelings overnight.But you being hurt is the price the players play, only the players should pay the price.His wife should not have too. A DECENT MAN would end it anyway, to cheat on a pregnant wife is low , do you really want such a man(others can provide sex)As a woman well what would your daughters mother friends say about a woman doing this to another,in the end you have to live with it and a shit storm when baby arrives and he can not find time for you has less money or having no sleep. If you can be that woman for a man that is not yours...glad I cant

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