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Letters to Sara

Too much expectations or missing out.. .

Hi Sara 
I have been on this site for a little while, there seems to be so much expectations from some people on here , this site is for illicit encounters....hello its for marital affairs ..and probably not for singletons, seperate,divorced or widowed , so many profiles are like people looking for husband or wife.I think whoever came up with the idea of IE had an idea of couples living together who were/are not getting any actives in the bedroom/kitchen tables, shower, sofa or whenever it used to happen anymore to join this site and hopefully find other people in similar situation 
But on here  most seems so serious rather than having fun and find someone to have that fun with which is missing at home, some profiles are like a novel here...keep it simple short and precise, try and find out a diffrent person from what you have at home, it might work in illicit encounters, looking for a replica of what's at home might give you same problems you already have... just saying Try not be too selective and dismissive, chat meet,talk, drink and either get the party started or go back and start all over again... Starting having fun don't be fussy....most here are taken..... No offensive to any hot, horny sexy people on here just a thought... Don't miss out having fun time wait for no one takes a lot of courage to even get a profile set up on here.... Happy days... Happy encounters x

26 members like this.

Comments (39)

Capability red - 27 Nov, 2019 - 12:41AM

"Too much expectations" ? No ! "Too much sugar, Too much fuss, Too much incompetence " Yes !
"Too many people, Too many problems, Too many expectations" Yes !

1 member likes this comment.

HOGinnit - 20 Nov, 2019 - 10:07PM

I had 3 affairs while officially married, with an understanding that nobody gets hurt, we do our best in maintaining our regular day to day lives and we never impose on the day to day life of others. I kept my integrity and never once placed them in fear of getting caught. How foolish was I to think that we could achieve the "perfect" affair. All 3 wanted more and when they couldn't get what they wanted from me (more time that was impossible to give), they made sure my wife found out (hence the start of my marriage breakdown). I'm now 10 years on from any kind of intimacy as a result. Even through the pain my family have gone through, including myself, I never once sought revenge and so left them in piece to continue their lives. Naively, I thought there was a code to having affairs. I'd never wish anyone to have to go through the pain I went through. If you're in a discrete & illicit relationship, single or married, you need to respect the rules otherwise, don't do it if you can't handle the situation.

12 members like this comment.

HOGinnit - 20 Nov, 2019 - 09:36PM

As a 'soon to become singleton' I do find myself asking why I was tempted to join a site that promotes illicit encounters. I know when I become single, there will remain a large part of me that still says it's wrong, but less of a risk. I still wouldn't want my ex to find out but I won't be working hard to hide all the traces of having an affair. I'd still find it exciting for sure, meeting someone new, making someone happy, making me happy following 30 years of ever-increasing unhappiness, the loneliness of being together with someone that no longer loves you. Pretty sure I won't start out looking for a long term relationship as I'd like some time with little commitment, so I'd prefer to be with someone for a short time who is also avoiding commitment. The thrill of doing something you shouldn't makes any experience more intense, and I like intensity in a relationship. The key for me is not to hurt anyone in the process and being single, I feel in a good position not to hurt nobody.

3 members like this comment.

David8 - 25 Oct, 2019 - 11:36AM

Each of us has our own true rationale for choosing to join this site, nobody should sit in judgement from afar; especially as far as marital, single or divorced status is concerned What we should recognise is the profile is an opening commentary providing a stepping stone to common ground. Experience tells me absolute honesty takes time and nearly always generates some uncertainties. These can be dispelled by 10 minutes in a coffee shop to allow familiarity to determine each others suitability for a longer term association. I'd say, meet sooner rather than later, let honesty dominate and when its the right time for you both enjoy your adventure.

11 members like this comment.

Secondhand Rose - 25 Oct, 2019 - 09:45AM

@ A_J1358

Numerous people have remarked, (some less than charitably) on the main content of your letter, BUT no-one appears to have applauded your last line, and I think it shouldn't be overlooked.........

"Foreplay does not start only after the clothes come off"...... in fact Ill repeat that--


Gentlemen, please take note!!!!.

7 members like this comment.

manofmystery2019 - 18 Oct, 2019 - 03:35PM

This site, as in life generally, is populated by people with a wide range of opinions. Some maybe feel they have a moral high ground, others enjoy being intentionally provocative whilst some, unfortunately, are simply self-opinionated.

Whether single or in a relationship, surely it is completely personal to the individual as to why they have joined IE?

Speaking personally, I find sex without intimacy or emotion cold and unattractive and something more than just the physical passes between me and my lovers. And so it would not be surprising if, following a fabulous liaison, something emotional was left behind?

This is a far cry from falling in love, of course. But the susceptibility for that to happen is there whatever your marital status. Possibly single people may be less guarded against that possibility. But I doubt so. After all there is no legislating for the effects of intimacy and sexual chemistry!

19 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 17 Oct, 2019 - 05:15PM

@ A_J1358

What about married men falling in love with single women??? Or even married women???

3 members like this comment.

Temping - 17 Oct, 2019 - 02:16PM

A_J1358 - 15 Oct, 2019 - 06:31PM
"Although there are 50% less problems of getting a pass-out when one half is single, the limitations must cause at least a little frustration for the single person."

It might come as a shock to many marrieds BUT singles do have lives of their own. They have jobs, families, friends, hobbies, interests, etc, etc. In fact there are MARRIED ladies on the letter "Is this how to conduct an affair" complaining about their lovers not taking them out of the bedroom. Singles are single by choice.

It is also more than likely that singles have careers whereas there may be marrieds who are stay at home mums bored out of their minds and looking for some excitement from an affair.

To each their own.

4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 16 Oct, 2019 - 05:26PM

A_J1358 - 15 Oct, 2019 - 06:31PM
"Despite reassurances she is not going to fall for you, at the back of your mind you cannot help remembering that there is always that option for the single person."

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!!
Honestly, I have to laugh at how married men like to flatter themselves!!!
Also, do they honestly think married women are immune from falling in love with them???
I personally know of married women who have fallen in love with their lovers whereas none of the single ones have … I rest my case!!!

6 members like this comment.

A_J1358 - 15 Oct, 2019 - 06:31PM

The single - not single thing again. 2 points;
1) Despite reassurances she is not going to fall for you, at the back of your mind you cannot help remembering that there is always that option for the single person. At a certain age we think we are adult enough to separate lust from love, but this is a natural pair bonding thing mother nature put in us. It can be difficult.

2) Although there are 50% less problems of getting a pass-out when one half is single, the limitations must cause at least a little frustration for the single person. You may say don't bother with going out activities - posh dinner, club, show etc, - cut straight to the sheets, but these activities are enhancements if not important parts of good sex. Foreplay does not start only after the clothes come off.

5 members like this comment.

are you for real - 09 Oct, 2019 - 11:01AM

TEMPING_ I agree its like pics so filtered they could pass for coffee, lies will out once you meet. Fantasy in the bedroom is one thing ,but look in the mirror and get real people

7 members like this comment.

Temping - 08 Oct, 2019 - 05:19PM

are you for real - 08 Oct, 2019 - 08:38AM
" If you are not premier league dont think to get premier league "

Trouble is, many, both sexes, think they are Premier League when they are in fact non-league!!!

10 members like this comment.

are you for real - 08 Oct, 2019 - 08:38AM

If you like the profile, the messaging has been fun, just meet dont mess about, be open minded, a type for a marriage is not the same as a lover.LAUGHS AND HOT SEX IS ALL I ASK.Respect the other person , even if they turn up and may not look as you hoped, talking might make you really warm to them and then I can get really hot. If you are not premier league dont think to get premier league ...perfection is dull and often not all that in the sack.

7 members like this comment.

Ophelia lively - 06 Oct, 2019 - 11:11PM


Jules497 - 30 Sep, 2019 - 10:23PM

As a married, lady i am certainly wary , about meeting a single guy, on here can easily meet them any where and I have and it gets complicated. That’s what attracted me to this site. Men in the same situation as myself. I’m certainly not jealous of you single ladies, I could also be single if I choose., and I don’t. You single ladies go and fill your boots, if you can’t meet any one in the outside world I suppose this is a good option, moaning married Minnie’s indeed .

4 members like this comment.

jessicagirl3 - 30 Sep, 2019 - 03:33PM

I echo Zaybal2019. It appears if we are not perfect and fit the age criteria we are surplus to requirements. There must be some lovely guys on here (like myself) that are being passed over because we are not perfect (single or not). I'm looking to find a woman that I can spend quality time with and have an affair. I'm not looking to replace my wife.

2 members like this comment.

1327012-Deleted - 29 Sep, 2019 - 03:26PM

As a married male i would go in the opposite direction of the last blog.Why would i, as an unhappily married guy want to be with another unhappily (so thousands say) married female? I would far rather be with an uncomplicated single, but unfortunately have not been able to find one on this site as yet.Generally i am too old for their requirements, or i can see from their profile that i am not what they are looking for and ditto me! I live in hope....

6 members like this comment.

Temping - 26 Sep, 2019 - 11:10AM

All the single ladies : well said!!!

Methinks all those MMMs [moaning married minnies] are just jealous of our freedom whilst they are shackled to the husbands they are sick of, LOL.

6 members like this comment.

589389-Deleted - 25 Sep, 2019 - 09:06AM

I've been fortunate that guys I've arranged to meet have showed up. But one guy in particular got my back up. We chatted on an app every day and spoke on phone daily. Arranged to meet and two days before we were due to meet he stopped all contact. The following day he had deleted his IE account. Never heard from him again. It can be very disheartening.

4 members like this comment.

Boudicca - 24 Sep, 2019 - 09:50PM

I feel sad for anyone whether attached or not who joins here and is not selective. Now is not the time to lower your expectations or your preferences. Those who are attached have a lot to lose, do not settle for less than you want, you’re already doing that at home, or you wouldn’t be on here.
As for us singletons, yes, I’m one of them, please do not tell us where we can or can not look for ‘relationships’. I imagine that most of us are compus mentis and have made an educated decision to be on here looking. Neither will we settle for less than we want.
Please reassess your own wants and needs, you don’t need to settle, nobody does, you don’t have to try out someone who presents as different to your current partner, you’ve made the decision to be on here, seize this opportunity with both hands and do whatever the hell you want with whoever the hell you want.

14 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 24 Sep, 2019 - 12:56PM

Yes, I am on here, as looking for a 2nd husband is completely fruitless, due to the reasons you and others give.
I put my head in a very different place and have met some lovely people after IE was suggested to me. It is not easy, however, the relationships can be wonderful.
Many men initially worried about me being single however they saw the benefits, they realised I had NO intention of marriage with them. (Ironically I have dented a few egos when I said I would NOT fall in love with them, they claimed this has been a previous problem.)
Organising meetings far easier, and no worry about when or how they can communicate with me.
Considering how often some married men can be available, I wonder how two married people manage an affair!!

7 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 24 Sep, 2019 - 12:47PM

We cannot tar everyone with the same brush, however unfortunately yes there people out there who play these games, too many of them.
One of the reasons I no longer give 'second chances'.
I did do in the past, and yes was repeatedly stood up. Many often contact me 3 months or even a year to the day later to meet again! (They have forgotten what they did!)

My personal record is being stood up by 4 different men in a row. (Over several months)

I also have childcare costs to cover so for me, an additional difficulty for nothing.

You are not alone, deep breath, move on.

4 members like this comment.

1324797-Deleted - 24 Sep, 2019 - 09:28AM

A word for the single guys on here. I see often statements of wariness or avoidance of single guys from the married ladies, preferring someone in 'similar circumstances'. Honestly I think that is strange thinking? All it does is make arrangements doubly difficult.
As a single guy I can honestly say some of the best relationships in my life have been with other mens' women? No expectation from my end of complicated entanglements and have been happy to be the 'other man'.
Be aware, not a player or interested in multiple partners at a time. Just some of us, like me post divorce many years ago, have no desire to be in a closed end relationship again and like the role of being there as a lover and confidante without the obligations that the husband has.
Don't be afraid ladies. Not all singletons are seeking to steal you away or complicate your life. Actually quite wonderful to be the giver of quality time that just works for both. Win/win?

14 members like this comment.

Oscardelta1 - 23 Sep, 2019 - 11:34PM

Hi Sara
I wrote to you a few months ago about s guy I met on IE and it went like this.,,,we decided to go over and communicate on an app just for quickness as we had been chatting on IE for some time. Anyway we arranged to meet at an agreed date, place and an agreed time, ok cut a long story short he did not show!! I messaged him to no avail eventually days later he did message me with an apology and the reason for no show. He suggested that we have another date so last Wednesday 18th September I went to meet him as agreed and no show again!!! Are people on this site to just play games, do they think it’s funny to leave a woman stranded not just once but twice!!!

8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 22 Sep, 2019 - 04:47PM

Oh here we go again ... who are you to say only marrieds should be here ... everyone has their own reasons for being on this site ... nobody is making you choose a non-married person ... to each their own.

As for those who use the mantra "as much to lose as me" ... what makes you think only a married petson is a "safe" bet ... purlereesssseeee!!!

10 members like this comment.

589389-Deleted - 22 Sep, 2019 - 12:23PM

I've been divorced over 20 years. I had a long term affair that lasted longer than my marriage. As I don't want to marry again or live with anyone I choose to see married men. If it suits myself and the married guy what's wrong with that?

9 members like this comment.

Borderline847 - 22 Sep, 2019 - 12:07AM

I don’t mind single people being on here. Even single people still have the responsibility of children around no matter how old they are.
At least they might have more options to meet too.

1 member likes this comment.

theartoftouch - 21 Sep, 2019 - 03:16PM

Having fun is no license for physical or emotional abuse.
Set out your expectations clearly, don't sell lies, and only then fun is possible.
Me-too holds for both genders.

Simplicity and naughty - 20 Sep, 2019 - 10:09PM

I disagree with this letter too and am team single like the other single ladies who have commented on it .. who are you to tell me I cannot, or should not use this site because I am technically single? I was married once and had an affair then - now I am single, I still am choosing to do so
I prefer married men or men who might be single but with no strings or hassle attached - I want sex pure and simple. So I come on here for like minded men who can deliver on the goods..
I have fun, am not fussy and certainly do not look for my ideal - and definitely not looking for a better version of my husband - I kicked him out because he was useless :-) So why would I want another version of that..!!

1 member likes this comment.

OurSecret02 - 20 Sep, 2019 - 11:41AM

I completely disagree with this letter. I've had a number of relationships on here and the best one (both in terms of longevity and what we each got out of it) was with a woman who was divorced. In fact, I can honestly say, it was the best relationship of my life.

An IE partner's marital status is irrelvevant. Making sure we both want the same thing is far more important.

17 members like this comment.

1330290-Deleted - 19 Sep, 2019 - 09:27PM

A divorcee is also single, no? I was divorced over 25 years ago, must I still be considered a divorcee even though I have actually been single for longer than I was married?

4 members like this comment.

theartoftouch - 19 Sep, 2019 - 07:26PM

I did not enjoy being taken for an escort, in essence, but without payment, despite a quite different agreement. It hurts. A lot and that will not go away easily. In hindsight it feels a lot like sexual abuse. I am still here because somehow I still think, likely in vain, that it can and should be different.

5 members like this comment.

Louise34G - 19 Sep, 2019 - 07:53AM

I am on here for just sex, good sex. When i want. No drinks or meals out that is what the hubby is for. Borrow someone`s hubby ride him silly then send him back. If only it was that simple on here.

14 members like this comment.

The Actress - 18 Sep, 2019 - 06:21PM

I'm with Susan104,

I don't want a full time relationship, I've been independent far too long for that. So I'm also content to borrow someone else's man, for a time.

If that means that I don't have to pick up wet towels from the bathroom floor, or do his laundry, or any of the other little things he might need, well that's just fine by me. (Nor do I expect HIM to mow the lawn, or sweep the drive.) LOL

As far as I can see, it's a win, win, situation, and what's not to like about that?

12 members like this comment.

1000748-Deleted - 18 Sep, 2019 - 11:02AM

I think that part of the issue here is that there is no option for people who are in my situation - in a long term, committed relationship but living separately. I have had a number of people say that because I don't [appear] to have as much to loose then they didn't want to pursue a relationship/affair. Whilst I understand the thought process, it always seems to almost be a desire for 'mutually assured destruction'.

Ultimately if one parties spouse finds out (which no one wants) then why would the desire be that the other parties spouse should also find out?

3 members like this comment.

susan104 - 18 Sep, 2019 - 12:56AM

I am single but not looking for a serious relationship just looking to borrow someone’s hubby for the fun stuff is there anything wrong with that ? Lol xx

14 members like this comment.

Black Gent - 17 Sep, 2019 - 04:40PM

OKK so the author is unknown but I will bet that the author is male if not they certainly come across as having a male perspective. I understand how some of thee ads look but IMO they merely reflect society and the I can have "It all mentality". Such people that subscribe to that are doomed to eternally chasing their goals if they set their sights too high. Still it is not a problem that everyone has. Not that some people have low goals -actually some men might.

Sooner or later reality will kick in and people will have to reset their goals . or just leave.

3 members like this comment.

Lycanthrope77 - 17 Sep, 2019 - 12:41PM

Not exactly well written and afraid I disagree. No affair is without risk of hurt and to behave otherwise is simply delusional. If people are seeking to fill a hole in their lives, whether single or not, then they are fully entitled to be looking for something with a little more depth than simply paying for an escort/gigolo.

13 members like this comment.

SensualSarahD - 16 Sep, 2019 - 06:08PM

I agree that single people here are a worry I will only date married men with a family. May sound dramatic but I want him to have as much to lose as me. I feel more at ease in that situation. No we aren’t looking for love or another spouse but am fussy and will only date a man who I am physically and mentally attracted to.

7 members like this comment.

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