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Letters to Sara



I have been chatting with several gentleman and finally braved it and met one for a drink.

During the course of a what seemed to be a lovely evening the conversation turned to the bedroom and likes/dislikes.

The guy in question was quite open and decided to tell me all about his desire for anal sex. Having never done had an affair before I was a bit taken aback. The evening naturally came to an end and I left.

Due to work / family commitments we never managed to meet again so I decided to venue back onto IE. 

Again after mutual messages with another we agreed to meet for coffee.
This time the meeting passed without issues and we decided to meet again. The next time over a drink, with the potential for a sleep over. 
During the evening the conversation turned to likes again and out of the blue anal was back on the table.

I don’t know if it’s me and I’m being a prude but when did anal sex become the norm?


32 members like this.

Comments (87)

Sandy22567 - 12 Jul, 2019 - 03:48PM

I get this out the wsy early i always say my bum is exit only

1 member likes this comment.

1319375-Deleted - 06 Jul, 2019 - 02:48AM

It’s only normal for men and women who perform it who i would imagine are in the minority. To the rest of us its not something you would ever consider doing.. Its not something i would ever even consider doing and you did right to walk away if its not your cup of tea. You’re not a prude and this is not the norm, never ever do anything you dont want to do.

PinkyDinky - 04 Jun, 2019 - 09:20AM

'Anal should not be entered in to lightly...'
I'm still tittering at that comment, I'm such a kid : )

2 members like this comment.

1292084-Deleted - 23 Feb, 2019 - 06:50PM

In the bedroom we all have different likes and dislikes. I honestly don't know whether it is more prevalent now or not (or if it is simply talked bout more now) but I certainly think pornography has contributed to people (both sexes) thinking it's normal. It is only normal if both parties like doing it. From a health aspect, if you are going to engage in that activity it is important to clean properly (a douche is recommended to ensure that orifice is clean). I have never been a fan of anal and always made that plain. I think I lot of guys like it because it seems naughty/forbidden or maybe just out of curiosity and (let's face it) if you have not engaged in this activity before then the chances are that the passageway is going to be tighter and therefore more pleasurable for the man.

Ladies just make it plain that you do not like it. A decent guy would respect that.
Gentleman please make sure you wash afterwards to prevent your lady friend from getting cystitis from the bugs that live in the anus.

5 members like this comment.

afternoon 69 tea - 23 Feb, 2019 - 10:28AM

We are all consenting adults some will be shocked by it, some not. For some its a personal preference and its about honesty .
But never forget, we all have a right to say YES or NO ...

6 members like this comment.

1273210-Deleted - 21 Feb, 2019 - 12:01PM

Hello, sounds like you've been a little unfortunate. As a male on this site I'd like to assure you that Anal is not the norm as you say. It's a very intimate thing to share with someone and not something to be entered in lightly (unless of course it is your thing). I've me a couple of women and the conversation has turned to sex quite quickly. However only as a result of them bringing it up. I would suspect you are like me and you need to make a connection before anything happens in the bedroom. My advice is be a little suspicious of men who bring it up too soon. Seems to me that they're only after one thing wether it's anal or not. Good luck in the future x ☺

7 members like this comment.

sandy222 - 20 Feb, 2019 - 09:30PM

I wonder how the men would feel if you said ok then and turned up with a strap on. Fairs fair lol

26 members like this comment.

1034820-Deleted - 20 Feb, 2019 - 09:28PM

Absoultely shocked that would be ever mentioned in any conversation on a first meet..deary me lol. I'm sure your find a decent man though :)

2 members like this comment.

Lynnie551 - 19 Feb, 2019 - 10:42PM

No, no, no...you are no prude, you are simply you, a normal lovely ,warm woman...men have this thing, not sure why...working in the medical field I just wouldn't go there, there is a whole lot of nasty germs that live quite happily up that orifice! It hurts, it's not romantic, not intimate... Look after you, you don't like it, don't do it! Sounds like he has been watching too much cheap porn.😉

12 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 17 Feb, 2019 - 03:58AM

Candy candy...hooker ...Anal is not porn induced its normal unihibited behaviour for any lady that wants a g spot orgasm ....My ex-wife loved it albeit with avibrator or fingers !!!!

1 member likes this comment.

Naughty in NW - 16 Feb, 2019 - 08:43PM

This post, and subsequent responses, just highlight the vast spectrum of what people consider to fall within the 'norm'. I would have thought that a considerable proportion of us on here (myself included) are hoping for experiences which fall outside of the 'norm' in our primary relationships, whatever they may be.

What is wrong with honesty from the outset? In my view it saves a lot of time. None of us have lots of time to spare I think. If you are approached about something you do not want to partake in, just say 'thanks, but no thanks, I don't think we are looking for the same thing/experience' and move on. Simples! How hard can it be? Pun intended......😀

Candy candy

I'm not surprised the guy was offended. No need to take a 'holier than thou' approach on here and suggest he uses a hooker instead. Ladies and gents...... keep an open mind, don't agree to anything unless you are comfortable to do so. But please remain respectful and courteous; after all it costs nothing. Enjoy!

5 members like this comment.

Candy candy - 15 Feb, 2019 - 01:25PM

To the men who brought it up fairly early in the correspondence I said: why don't you make it easier for yourself and get a hooker?
One even said he got offended.


15 members like this comment.

Lifes2Short25 - 14 Feb, 2019 - 03:59PM

Each and everyone to their own! On a really serious note though, if anal and vaginal sex are done in the same sex session please make sure that different condoms are used for the vagina and anus.
Without being too graphic, no matter how clean anyone is, the anus contains bacteria which if enters the vagina can cause nasty infections!!
The same goes for fingers too - so please use different ones for both entrances!
Anyhow, enjoy yourselves on whatever takes your fancy, just all be safe!

13 members like this comment.

1292545-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2019 - 02:41PM

I personally think it shallow and stupid for anyone to be judging the preferences of anyone on here. If you are on here seeking satisfaction for a particular sexual itch then, of course, better to be up front about it but the best interactions are complex and what may be important to you at the outset may be markedly less so as the relationship develops....if its a healthy one then new things will be tabled and interests shared as trust grows.

2 members like this comment.

1293419-Deleted - 12 Feb, 2019 - 06:07PM

don't worry there's a lot of men like me who prefere vagina!
I did anal sex, I always did if asked by her, but honestly, a wet vagina is definitely better!

11 members like this comment.

1288416-Deleted - 12 Feb, 2019 - 12:37PM

@ newoldmanish - how ridiculous to say that someone shouldnt someone ask for what they want? In your profile you've asked for someone non-possessive, the outdoor type & who'll engage your mind. Is this any more outrageous for you to state than a fondness for anal sex?

All this person is doing is saying that they enjoy anal sex and want to know if their prospective partner does too. They arent demanding it...they just want to open about what they enjoy and get turned on by and discover if they are going to be good together.

An absence of prudery and the ability to communicate openly about what you like is one of the joys of IE...please dont try and shut that down.

5 members like this comment.

Ms_Chablis2012 - 12 Feb, 2019 - 10:20AM

Lots of guys like it. I guess they are being honest about their preferences straight away so as not to surprise you later ....

In my experience it takes time and trust for anal sex to happen , but I would like the honesty of a guy to tell me that he liked it early on x

4 members like this comment.

Bella Gamba - 11 Feb, 2019 - 11:58PM

It's not the norm. Just say no.

8 members like this comment.

1140862-Deleted - 11 Feb, 2019 - 12:41PM

Anal is not the norm. Besides a man should not ask for that. If the woman wants to explore that she will ask ,.
Won't she?

3 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 08 Feb, 2019 - 10:06AM

I'm not sure why you're worried. You have just the same right to say no or yes or suggest an activity as any man you meet on here. People have different tastes so if it's not for you, then say so.

3 members like this comment.

Climbing Man - 07 Feb, 2019 - 11:13AM

I think it depends on what people consider is the "norm" and in reality it's a movable feast. I have met women who enjoy anal sex more than any other type. They found that they could get more intense orgasms from anal.

As someone mentioned you both need to know how to approach it and it is an unfortunate fact that lots of men get far too giddy by the thought of having anal sex with the result that it's not pleasurable or satisfying for either party.

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 06 Feb, 2019 - 01:22PM

Mittlewerk - 05 Feb, 2019 - 09:01AM

Haha, that made me laugh and yes, agree she [and anyone else] should do just that.
As for why ... I guess she just wants to know what others here think as it's not something she'd like to talk about with people in her "real" life.

3 members like this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 05 Feb, 2019 - 09:01AM

ExoticOrchid - I thought I had when I advised not making judgements about what was normal or not.

She (we assume the writer is female) should just tell him to shove it... but not where he wants to, of course.

And why on earth would you want or need to get advice from a bunch of anonymous people on a dating site about this...

6 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 03 Feb, 2019 - 10:50PM

Mittlewerk - 03 Feb, 2019 - 02:59PM

Indeed ... but we were trying to answer the question asked by the letter writer!

5 members like this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 03 Feb, 2019 - 02:59PM

@ExoticOrchid, 30/1/19

I think you (and many others here) are making a value judgement based on your own preferences. It shouldn't matter to anyone what someone likes or is curious about, whatever the reason, whether it's something you like or not.

If someone wants do to something with you and you don't, then don't.
If they persist to the point of being a pest, dump them.

None of this is remarkable. People shouldn't feel they need to remark on it.

7 members like this comment.

artistictemperament - 03 Feb, 2019 - 02:51AM

A prostate massage can be a wonderful thing! That was what he meant, wasn't it?

3 members like this comment.

1289941-Deleted - 01 Feb, 2019 - 11:38AM

Certainly thought about , due to the fact it is normalised. Not something I have great ambitions in trying.

cenotaph - 30 Jan, 2019 - 04:55PM

I have had couple of partner who requested it and enjoyed it a lot. It is not the norm but very intimate experience you should maybe experiment with the right person

ExoticOrchid - 30 Jan, 2019 - 11:34AM

Mittlewerk - 29 Jan, 2019 - 01:45PM

I did ask someone and his reply was: "because it's forbidden [ie: naughty]"

As many here point out, pornography certainly plays a big part ... many are curious, plus, rather worryingly, feel it should be the done thing.

To each their own but definitely not the "norm" as far as I'm concerned.

6 members like this comment.

Mavroma - 29 Jan, 2019 - 04:37PM

Each to his own I feel - consenting adults can do what they want in private.

Anal sex can work for both in my experience. And it does need experience too, particularly for the person receiving who needs to be able to relax into it.

What is no good is any kind of compulsion, or one person badgering another, manipulating them. That would be true for any sexual kink, not just anal.

2 members like this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 29 Jan, 2019 - 01:45PM

Message to sexybexy. They probably want to do it because they like it... or am I missing something?

1277077-Deleted - 29 Jan, 2019 - 01:21PM

Personally, I’ve never asked for anal sex. Perhaps pornography has a massive part to play with this fixation.
I’m happy if I see a ladies ankle.

6 members like this comment.

1288416-Deleted - 29 Jan, 2019 - 10:37AM

As had been said multiple times in the thread anal has been normalised by porn. If you regularly watch videos where its part of the standard repertoire with the woman seemingly enjoying it you swiftly start wanting to try it.

I tried it for the first time with my last IE lover...she'd done it before and knew I was interested...there was a level of trust and intimacy between us that made her comfortable to allow me in...we did it & it there was definitely physical pleasure in the hot tightness and emotional pleasure in the closeness/intimacy but not in any way a replacement for the joys we found elsewhere.

My message...if you are interested then try it but only with someone you trust...value it more for the gift it is than the physical sensation of the act...dont get too hung up on it as its not that special....and boys try also having your own ass played with - you'll know what your partner is experiencing and you might even like it!

4 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2019 - 06:10PM

Perhaps this would be an opportune moment to ask the men on here why they want to have anal sex with women...and conversely what is it about anal sex that women like?

Come on, guys, tell us!

5 members like this comment.

1123463-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2019 - 04:18PM

Anal has been normalised by Internet porn in much the same way as oral sex was by porn magazines in the 80s... of course people had oral sex before, but look at those vintage Playboys and Hustlers... full of articles on how to tell if she will go down on you. Now people would find it very strange if a partner did not enjoy oral. You can accept that anal is becoming more normal and go along with it, or you can tell your partner that it is not really your thing. Either way, a caring partner will know how to still enjoy sex with or without anal - it can be fun, but it's not essential!

7 members like this comment.

FLEUR16 - 28 Jan, 2019 - 03:11PM

Most guys now have this fixation on anal sex
Too much porn
From now on if I'm asked this same question I'm going to throw it back at them and offer to to let my date try it out first and let me know what they think of it see how many run for there lives
Anal can be very dangerous and can cause multiple health problems later in life!
Proceed with caution is all I'll say !

14 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2019 - 02:05PM

Been there, done it and got the Tshirt hence my comment that it's not my scene ... nothing pious about it @ Up to no good ... to each their own and yes, I'm aware there are women who actually want anal ... if that's what they like, good for them.

3 members like this comment.

Butterfly600 - 28 Jan, 2019 - 01:25PM

Hope the 5 women colonoscopy. Wasn't at same time ouch. Made me laugh though. I'm off to Google. Youtube is it

2 members like this comment.

1275943-Deleted - 27 Jan, 2019 - 06:39AM

I find that anal is a more or less pleasant variation but should never be the norm

1 member likes this comment.

mipaulac - 26 Jan, 2019 - 05:42PM

Extraover your funny :-) ;-) Obviously you don't communicate sexually ?!?! I had the pleasure of five women probing my ......A colonoscopy when I hadn't prepared for an anathetic or sedative ....All videoed too lol So don't make assertions you don't know the pleasure your missing ha ha !!!!!

grianne - 26 Jan, 2019 - 02:03PM

Anything that turns you both on and happens naturally can only be good and fun. Can't we accept that each coupling is unique, private and personal. I have done anal as part of my pleasure and only on my terms. I always orgasm with anal, so it's always a yes for me.

6 members like this comment.

LiteraryLady900 - 26 Jan, 2019 - 12:55PM

You don't know what you're missing ... have an open mind. It can be the most sensual and intimate experience. It has to be done carefully ... the preparation can be fun too ...

There are lots of men who are on here to achieve their sexual shopping list. I've had 2 chats with men who wanted to take me to swinging clubs and another who was into extreme kink ... his definition ... wanted to try a TENS machine on himself. Not sure he needs a woman for that. Eww. Some men are very quick to get chatting sexually. I shut them down pretty quickly. A man who talks respectfully, wants to see if there is a connection, they make the best lover for me. And over time it's fun to test the boundaries ...

3 members like this comment.

getfun - 26 Jan, 2019 - 10:44AM

This anal back on the table sounds like a continental menu of backstop, insisted on by (EU) this has made some of the British men confused, please ladies don't blame the British men.

They need more clarity hey think about it even (EU) who insist on backstop are also confused as they turn around and ask for clarity so you can see the big shit we are all in.

Please, ladies, be patient hopefully one way or the other we will get clarity on this backstop "shit".

Please ladies, for now, let them down gently and explain that we are still waiting for Brussels and Westminister to clarify this confusing issue.

3 members like this comment.

Hattie 50 - 25 Jan, 2019 - 05:22PM

I think anal sex is seen as a taboo. To my mind, it’s like marmite you either like it or you don’t. And if you haven’t tried it, you don’t want to with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. For me, it’s a hard limit, so if someone continued to pursue that avenue of conversation, it’s a red flag.

dejavu_again - 25 Jan, 2019 - 04:37PM

I think some men are keen to discover whether a woman likes it or not as the question is a 'gauge' for other things.. if a woman does that doubtless she is open to lots of other opportunities.

Also some men just like to talk about it (from what I hear)...

2 members like this comment.

1247592-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 03:30PM

I like it and do it. Despite some of the (pious) comments here, women can and do want it - maybe an untapped fantasy. With a couple of lovers its been a part of our repertoire, twice with each lover, no more.

Its not for me to say, but both have said and given the very strong impression of having amazing orgasms from it. Its not right for everyone, but if prepared for and done with care and sensitivity it is amazing for both partners.

3 members like this comment.

1229619-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 12:30PM

Mipaulac. I'm assuming you speak from experience. Yours not the ladies btw. Otherwise how do you know it hurts or not

2 members like this comment.

1283952-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 12:03PM

Porn industry I believe have a lot of anal sex videos. I for one have never taken part in anal sex but what I do know is that if I met someone and I trusted them completely with my body I might partake. I don't think talking about these things should be seen as crude or being a prude...its a good thing having open conversations about these things and interesting to find out what each party likes. Mmmmm horny stuff :)

4 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 25 Jan, 2019 - 03:56AM

What is normal ??? A lot of women are put off because it can hurt if your partners is not gentle! In my experiance apprehension has turned to enjoyment so anyone taking an offence in a sexual likes conversation is defineatly prudish with inhibitions, possibly since it was a legal acronism until the late 90's with buggery of your wife illegal but not your boy or girlfriend lol !!!!!

1 member likes this comment.

henrytell - 24 Jan, 2019 - 09:45PM

'Out of the blue
Anal was back
On the table'

Could be mistaken for Ovid's poetry!

1 member likes this comment.

dobadthings - 24 Jan, 2019 - 07:55PM

As a man, I don't care for anal sex -- too tight and very unhygienic -- but I will and do oblige. Some women I've met are quite keen on it --- as an alternative...

The Actress - 24 Jan, 2019 - 07:09PM

I have to confess that if any "gentleman", brought up the subject of "bedroom preferences", on a first date, there wouldn't be a second; whether Anal, was part of his bedroom list, or not!

It's not the anal which offends me, it's the attitude of some members, who seem to think that this is a free knocking shop, and that they have a right to "place an order" before attempting to forge a relationship.

Such lists are best left for the lades who accept such requests , (along with the generous financial compensation, which invariably accompanies. such encounters).

No! I'm not a prude; if I get to know, and like someone, I probably wouldn't refuse such a request, if I knew it gave pleasure, but that would be in the context of an established relationship.

I stick to the advice my Mother gave me---"if you HAVE to ask; the answer is "NO". I rest my case! LOL.

27 members like this comment.

1279258-Deleted - 24 Jan, 2019 - 05:28PM

I guess with people being in long relationships sometimes it’s difficult to keep up with what is the norm. In fact what is the norm these days I am constantly surprised.. In my experience anal isn’t for everyone but there is a good proportion of people who enjoy it! As a man I have been asked as well so it isn’t a one way street. In fact with one lady she would only do anal! I think it’s a matter of personal preference- different strokes for different folks.. personally I like it..

1 member likes this comment.

SeldomSeen - 24 Jan, 2019 - 12:32PM

Sometimes, I despair of my fellow man. A real gentleman would never - EVER - raise such a subject in open conversation even in response to questions about bedroom likes/dislikes. The correct response is: 'Why don't we find out together...?'

9 members like this comment.

Thaddeus - 24 Jan, 2019 - 11:16AM

As others have said, it's a respect thing. I guess there is no harm saying, in a respectful way in the flow of the conversation,, what one would like to try, which is different from a disrespectful 'got to have'. Perhaps these chaps think you could be looking for anal yourself but may not want to bring it up?

That said, the only anal I have ever had was with an IE woman, and I definitely didn't suggest it!

2 members like this comment.

jazzlover1972 - 23 Jan, 2019 - 09:58PM

Anal is enjoyed by those who do it but I would say it is not the norm.Correct, porn has pushed anal sex but I’m open minded and honest enough to say I’d try most things consensual . The male G spot is in the anus, so maybe it is a secret homosexual fantasy that men sub-consciously wish to embark in anal sex? Or is it a power and conflict ideal they have over the feminine? To be honest either way women have the power in all sexual liaisons with men and most men would do most things if they were to get there oats away. So tip to all women if you don’t want to do it, don’t do it and if you want to watch a grown man cry answer him with the following “yes I’d love to bend you over and insert a large phallus repeatedly Into your rectum as hard as possible”......might as well have some fun with it


Male from the Mids

10 members like this comment.

Therapy - 23 Jan, 2019 - 07:17PM

Not sure why someone would want to use the back door when the front entrance is much more inviting ;-)

8 members like this comment.

1283759-Deleted - 23 Jan, 2019 - 05:50PM

I blame Brexit for this increase in anal activity. Its taking over all conversation, even in the bedroom apparently. Some want to pull out completely, others to withdraw slowly and more want to stay in. And meanwhile, everyone is trying to figure out how best to do this backstop thing. People seem hugely frustrated and feeling like there are being left in the shit!!

27 members like this comment.

rosenrot2904 - 23 Jan, 2019 - 04:54PM

I think most of you are on the money with your assessment that it is on many men's 'bucket list' and theirs wife's/partners will not entertain the idea of anal sex ever. I will say that I am lucky enough to have tried it with a willing partner and it was most enjoyable. You are also right that with the easy access to porn on the internet these days, anal is seen as 'normal' for some reason!
My anal fixation is done, and I would never entertain the idea of suggesting it, especially on the first date!!!

2 members like this comment.

CurrentAffairs1027 - 23 Jan, 2019 - 12:46PM

I think its about preference and I think it is more of the norm these days and guys wanting to try things they dont get or partner likes at home, I think theres a time and a place and certainly not after one date or two. I'm as open minded as the next person and yes i do like it but its not a problem if the other person doesn't, but its bound to put someone off like that.

2 members like this comment.

1105479-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 08:03PM

I’m suspecting a reverse post when the OP posts in order to receive replies from women who are either for or against .... and then rmessage the fors!

5 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 22 Jan, 2019 - 07:37PM

Indeed, I think it's a lot of a man thing. I'm not sure why but don't think women are really into it, I know I'm certainly not!

5 members like this comment.

Amber18 - 22 Jan, 2019 - 06:27PM

I make it clear before I meet people that I’m not into pain, biting or anal lol. Maybe this is why I’ve only had a couple of dates!!!

3 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 04:49PM

Not my cup of tea either would put me off totally

4 members like this comment.

Tony 774 - 22 Jan, 2019 - 04:48PM

I hope that you were just unlucky , likes and dislikes is a very sensitive topic and for me , I wouldn’t raise that particular issue unless it came in the conversation from the lady first.

1 member likes this comment.

1126831-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 04:38PM

I dont think it is the norm i wouldnt do it. I think guys try it on because they're wives won't do it. There are normal guys out there

3 members like this comment.

1237907-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 03:10PM

I think there’s a lot on here who have unresolved areas of interest and so see this platform as a way of fulfilling these. There’s a greater chance one would think of meeting a likeminded soul who also has unresolved itches that need to be scratched.

4 members like this comment.

1237907-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 03:09PM

I think there’s a lot on here who have unresolved areas of interest and so see this platform as a way of fulfilling these. There’s a greater chance one would think of meeting a likeminded soul who also has unresolved itches that need to be scratched.

honourable affair - 22 Jan, 2019 - 02:28PM

From a personal perspective (and as an "older" man), I can't understand this fixation with anal sex - I would find it disrespectful (and degrading) to indulge in such a practice; from a female perspective, there are no nerves in the anus as there are in the vagina, and therefore the stimulation aspect is removed, so this is surely selfish behaviour by a man?
You may as well have sex with another man, if you want anal sex....
(I realise my comments may be controversial, but they are my opinion)
You need to rermember what you want out of the encounter.
You (and only you) have the decision to make...

16 members like this comment.

Iwonderif72? - 22 Jan, 2019 - 01:06PM

I have had the same too.......

I think with the age of pornography, where anal sex is pretty common place, it is certainly high up there on many men's 'wish list'. Their wife/ partner may not be overly keen on the idea- so they try here? That's my best guess.

However, I'm very confident to express my likes and dislikes too- and just say sorry, not be thing.

3 members like this comment.

fiveten3 - 22 Jan, 2019 - 10:23AM

That is a good question. I don't think anal sex is the norm between straight couples, on IE or anywhere else, but it has become what oral sex once was, the daring thing. Pornography has pushed it too.

It can work, in my experience. I have had one IE affair with a woman who very much wanted anal sex, and she took the initiative too. But that is a minority thing, for sure. Most women do not want anal sex.

Maybe a good answer is, since I assume you don't want to try, saying very clearly that it does not appeal and never will, but thanking for them being honest?Judge the response. Are they listening? Do they truly accept? Where does the conversation go from there? There is plenty else to do in bed. Have they the imagination to see that, the good grace to accept your view?

5 members like this comment.

1287057-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 10:10AM

I do not think it has become the norm but certainly has become part of the repertoire required, this request is not confined to men only, on discussion, I have had several ladies wanting to know if I would do anal

do not think you are being prudish, its for you or it is not - get the impression that for many this site is the invitation for experimentation, discovery, kinky, whatever goes for both

2 members like this comment.

1237907-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 08:12AM

I think there’s a lot on here who have unresolved areas of interest and so see this platform as a way of fulfilling these. There’s a greater chance one would think of meeting a likeminded soul who also has unresolved itches that need to be scratched.

Bereweeke - 22 Jan, 2019 - 07:29AM

And people say romance is dead!

You are not being a prude. I dated a gentleman when I was in my 30s. The sex was great and after a few months he suggested anal. I agreed BUT it was very painful. I think these things should not be broached until you establish a bit of "standard" sex. So I guess I am a prude too!

1 member likes this comment.

AnnaSouth - 22 Jan, 2019 - 12:49AM

It’s the norm for lovers of pornography.

1 member likes this comment.

thereandback - 21 Jan, 2019 - 10:26PM

Porn made all sorts of things the norm, like trimming or removing pubic hair as it gets in the way of the visuals. Porn also normalised semi violent, part humiliating acts normal like ejaculating on the face, and so to anal sex....the internet, the browser you use was driven by the multi billion dollar US porn industry. On the other hand lots of people like all those things, so mutuality is important.

1 member likes this comment.

1274565-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 10:22PM


Something Just Like This - 21 Jan, 2019 - 09:05PM

I think it comes from all the porn available on the web now, and a lot of it involves anal. Any sexual time spent together must always be mutually agreed and if you do not fancy it then the man has to accept it. You are not being a prude, everyone has different desires.

Teicu - 21 Jan, 2019 - 08:21PM

It sounds to me that he is being honest with you about his likes. In this day and age I would say anal is the norm so yes, I think you are being slightly prudish.
Would you rather he lied about what he was into?

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tea_coffee_me_ - 21 Jan, 2019 - 06:29PM

Unfortunately due to many factors for some it is considered ‘normal’.
More openness and discussion about sex, more openness about what type of sex lives people have, more access to pornography…

Some men and some women prefer it to vaginal.

Some understandably it is something they wish to try… interestingly, many men are keen to give, and expect the woman to be willing and happy to comply, however are unwilling to take a male partner and have it done to them so willingly and happily. Hypocrisy.

It has contributed to the ending of many relationships, and often when men have found a new partner willing, it has not been all they expected and wished they had not made such a big deal about it.

If its not something you wish to do, quite simply say, not my thing.
This is for ANYTHING, part of an intimate relationship or anything else!!

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1229619-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 05:34PM

Wishful thinking. It's not the norm ha

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1289164-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 05:33PM

Some men treat anal like a project - it's something they think they have to try.
But honestly, if you had another hole at the back of your knee, they'd want to try that too.
Some men.
And some women love it too.

6 members like this comment.

pantylover6969 - 21 Jan, 2019 - 05:11PM

It became the norm when internet porn became ubiquitous and people confuse what professional porn stars can perform as if it is no big deal with reality. It's not something you 'just have a go at' without preparation and
practice. I wouldn't really expect that from a date but I guess you asked and they were honest about something they want to try - some women will be into it as well. It's a bit over-rated in my opinion but I guess if you never try, you never know. Glad you weren't pressured into an area you are not comfortable with. You are not being a prude - It's okay to say 'not for me'.

3 members like this comment.

Raquel12 - 21 Jan, 2019 - 04:46PM

Only do what you feel comfortable with. Anyone has the right to pursue what they want in bed. If they are not your sexual partner because they want something you don't enjoy, move on! There is no right and wrong in this case. They are right and so are you! But it would be wrong if you violated yourself to please someone else you don't know well.

1 member likes this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 04:45PM

I'm no prude but it is certainly not my scene either.
Just out of interest, do you think there is anything in your profile or even your profile name to make these men think you would want it? It's not a criticism at all so please don't think that. It's just rather unfortunate for you that both your meets turned out to be into anal.

1 member likes this comment.

Midnightincantation - 21 Jan, 2019 - 04:37PM

In my opinion it is not "The norm"... I think it is selfish of a man to only want to see the back of a woman's head when having... intercourse
. nothing nicer than looking into someone's eyes when making love.

5 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 03:38PM

I don't think it is the norm. I think it's something that the wives of IE men refuse to do hence they are hoping to do it with their lover (along with a lot of other things their wives wouldn't do in a month of Sundays!). You'd probably find with this guy that it was his fantasy rather than reality therefore not something to get upset about. I haven't found my refusal to have anal sex has ever been a deal breaker

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