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Letters to Sara

Broken Hearted

Dear Sara,

Last year I met the most amazing man on IE, I honestly never knew what love felt like until I felt it with him, and he told me he felt the same way... It wasn’t something either of us was looking for, but falling in love just seemed to happen naturally, we met once a week, every week for 6 months, we were both making plans to leave our respective spouses.

Sadly on our last meeting, he had to leave early, he became very ill, being sick etc (so yes, I know the illness was legit), he ended up having food poisoning, and having to go into hospital due to dehydration... his mood seemed to decline from there, and his doctor decided that his body wasn’t absorbing his antidepressants anymore, he was switched to a different brand, still his mood declined, we still spoke each day, both declaring our love for each other, and saying we couldn’t wait to see each other again. This continued for a month, until he told me that he needed some time alone... (I have suffered from depression myself, so I can understand this... logically... my heart however is a different story)

He promised to return to me, he loved me, but he was struggling to keep himself well and needed to rest his head... in 2 days it will have been 2 months since we last spoke, I tried to send supportive txts, unfortunately some were “desperate I love you txts”, eventually he blocked me... I was distraught! In hindsight I should have suggested he blocked me as soon as he requested space, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away... I even sought advice from Anxietyuk, their advice was to respect his request...

I was very low for most of these 2 months, don’t get me wrong, normally I’m very much of the opinion that there are more fish in the sea etc, and yes, I know I shouldn’t have fallen in love, but here I am anyway... until you’re in this situation, you really can’t begin to understand the impact of a situation like this...

I recently rejoined IE, although I haven’t added any pictures or spoken to anyone yet (it feels a little like cheating- as silly as that sounds)
I’m asking for advice, not ridicule etc, so please... do I stay true to the man I love, who may or may not come back to me, or do I try to move on and protect my heart from further torture...?

17 members like this.

Comments (39)

1319375-Deleted - 06 Jul, 2019 - 04:21AM

1 in 4 suffer depression in their life, some recover, some it goes and returns depending on the cause. Some flick between depression/anxiety like a yoyo, some have it for life its incurable but you can live with it and have a decent life. Ive been in a similar situation where ex wifes behaviour caused it. Was he okay when he was with you,When he was with his wife did it make him worse. The tablets weren't working, so they tried another but you don’t know if itworked. Takes time to find right tablets, months or years. He blocked your messages means he doesnt want to hear from you niw Could be tablets not sorted out yet and he’s worse. 2.his wife has found out and gave ultimatum to forget about you . 3. he was going to leave but suddenly realised women get everything almost on divorce he would lose his house, belongings, everything in hohse even lets, children, pay support for them, till they are 19.he would lose the family car, everything. Maybe he got cold feet use another phone ask him if its over

Golden Brown446 - 09 Jun, 2019 - 07:59AM

This is a really sweet and touching letter but l think you have to realise that due to his illness his family will be performing there duties as a unit. So sorry this came between you but a by product of being the Mistress or other man is that your not the protected one. Try and get on with your life your heart will mend in time maybe another will help it mend faster, but remember the good times with your lover wish him well and to make you smile again think of the good things you did together 😀👍

Countess J - 21 Mar, 2019 - 05:48PM

He answered your question when he blocked you! Pull up your big girl panties and move on. And for goodness sake, stop calling him a good guy! Good guys don't cheat on their wives or plan to run off and leave their spouses.

2 members like this comment.

1260488-Deleted - 04 Mar, 2019 - 02:53PM

Definitely move on - sadly he is a lost cause and he maybe could not cope with the guilt of the affair and got in deeper than he wanted to. I don’t doubt he had strong feelings for you but I imagine he may have had no intention of leaving his wife. However thick skinned one thinks they are, IE encounters can cause one to feel lots of unexpected emotions and sometimes it takes a cooling off period to see the wood for the trees. The possible added factor of not being able to discuss it with family and friends also adds to the situation as sometimes someone logical to bounce off and discuss your feelings can set you back on the right track. It’s sounds like you maybe looking for more than sex and that territory carries risks on a site like this. I do sympathise and wish you well and hope your heart heals. Block this guy.

2 members like this comment.

Lynnie551 - 17 Feb, 2019 - 11:04AM

I really feel for you, for a long time now I have always believed IE is NOT for the more sensitive,sentimental or vulnerable...it's okay to say move on, have some fun, but if you know yourself and know your heart comes into play big time when you have that special connection with an IE guy, I'd say stay away. Either look at your relationship with long term partner and work towards fixing it, or leave the long term partner and work on fixing you, so you can give all that love, feeling and commitment to one who truly deserves it and will repay it. Best wishes.

8 members like this comment.

1283374-Deleted - 15 Feb, 2019 - 06:32PM

What on earth are you doing a) on this site and b) opening your heart to the members of it...?

1 member likes this comment.

1240404-Deleted - 15 Feb, 2019 - 04:39PM

Hold your head high, move on and although you should remember your good times together, forget him. It clearly wasn’t the right time for you both.
Also, I’m afraid my pride would completely stop me contacting him, and I’d be deleting his number - maybe not blocking him - so I can’t text. If he wants you, he’ll come back. But if I was you, I’d say bugger him, he had his chance!

3 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 12 Feb, 2019 - 11:27AM

ruth09 i agree not a place for serious relationships ,but also very ,very few honest and truthful male and female people on here sadly ,give you all the waffle and what they think you want to hear ,then after hotel meet what they said before is forgotten and if you are lucky then wil; eventually say thanks but no thanks with an obvious lie of an excuse ,shame not to your face as thats how i would do it maybe im old fashioned and ive learned to toughen up on here ,not sure for how much longer mind you ,i think too much of myself to be used ....

6 members like this comment.

ruth09 - 11 Feb, 2019 - 10:13PM

Enjoy the memories but don't torture yourself by thinking 'what if' ,
Move on and look to the future as a new chapter in your life.

Just a thought - if your'e looking for a serious relationship perhaps a different site may fulfil your needs??

3 members like this comment.

1277077-Deleted - 09 Feb, 2019 - 10:37PM

Sorrow is the price we pay for love.
I’m sure this story resonates with many of us.

1 member likes this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 05 Feb, 2019 - 12:34PM

Not been broken hearted ,but been lied to on here no surprise you might say ,we lie to our partners but thought after chatting and a meet under our belt we had some trust ,but no even though they insisted we be exclusive i find out they chatted to others and lied about having no meets etc ...cant say i wasnt gutted ,but im starting again with a fresh perspective ,they are not future husbands or boyfriends so as long as they treat me well in our chats and meets i will settle for that ...

2 members like this comment.

Mrs Sex in Heels - 04 Feb, 2019 - 02:05PM

I realised it the short time on here that this site is not for romance. I'm here to have a light hearted affair with similar and not someone to fall in love with me.
He sadly blocked you for a reason, dust yourself down and get on with your life.
Life is for living!

4 members like this comment.

sandy222 - 04 Feb, 2019 - 10:09AM

I always find folk who fall quickly . fall out of love quickly

Move on find someone else

4 members like this comment.

1291776-Deleted - 03 Feb, 2019 - 06:15PM

I think you need to move on from it. What's happened has happened and you will have your memories. Don't torture yourself. I know it's hard but dust yourself down and when your ready move on.

1290405-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2019 - 10:29AM

I'm sorry this happened to you. I experienced similar around 15 years ago, except that in the end his wife found out and he became very nasty and said a lot of hurtful things. It broke me. I wasted so much time wondering what I'd done wrong, worrying about him, feeling angry and betrayed.... it took around two years before I didn't think about it everyday and to this day I still Google his name from time to time. I think eventually I realised that he was simply a complete shit. What I learned was this: if it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, then thank life for the lesson, move forward (and I'm not saying forget how wonderful it was while it lasted), and grow stronger from it. It is like a bereavement and you will go through the Kubler Ross curve of grief. Let it happen. Grieve it, and when you finally reach acceptance, celebrate the joy you experienced through knowing him. Much love and strength to you. Lizzie x

23 members like this comment.

1289941-Deleted - 27 Jan, 2019 - 05:09PM

Rule breakers - to be honest if you join this site it is for adventure outside marriage. Yes it can be hell playing with heart strings but at the end of the day we all need that fantasy world!

Stand-up, dust yourself down and live - who knows what awaits around the corner. Experience is a great thing but only if we use it wisely.

5 members like this comment.

1277847-Deleted - 27 Jan, 2019 - 09:25AM

I say try as hard as you can to move on. Similar happened to me with my encounter on here. It’s so hard but that old cliche of time is a healer stands. For whatever reason his mind or situation changed. That’s the real difficulty in trying to accept and move on. As re others in the future.. give yourself time and be kind to yourself x

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 26 Jan, 2019 - 05:55PM

I wouldn't even think to ridicule your obvious pain but surely only you, and you alone, can answer your own question. The fact that this man has had to resort to blocking you speaks volumes in my opinion ... how much more final could that action be?

Yes, we can't always control how we feel but we can, as adults, surely control *what we do about it* so please do yourself a favour and move on.

I can only hope that making this private pain public has helped you in some way.

7 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 26 Jan, 2019 - 03:01PM

When you find a nice guy on here (not easy i can assure you ) it could be easy to let your emotions go wild ,BUT to to be on here and go through with meets you have to be in the right frame of mind ,if you are lacking intimacy at home thats one thing but you cant come on here looking for love ,yes it might happen very rare im sure ,take it for what it is ,meets and chats to fill a need ,but the rest of the time real life is the norm ,its a release and something to look forward to one a month or what ever ,im in my forever relationship at home not on here and find it enhances it even more ,so in a way its helping my life and marriage ...

3 members like this comment.

LiteraryLady900 - 26 Jan, 2019 - 12:43PM

Move on ... and learn from this experience. Find your next lovely man to enjoy and think about. And next time stay detached. It's the only way with this. If you can't do that you're in the wrong place on here. Which perhaps you may be realising.

1 member likes this comment.

Hattie 50 - 25 Jan, 2019 - 05:19PM

I think you should move on. No need to rush into anything, but he’s blocked you. He’s obviously got a lot going on. For me, an IE is escapism and this sounds like a complex situation. Why put yourself through all that?

1 member likes this comment.

theartoftouch - 25 Jan, 2019 - 03:02PM

Sure exclusively focus on FUN; just like the rich Brexiteers do make and have fun, that is my advice too. 52% support (here may be more?).

1 member likes this comment.

1283952-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 11:51AM

I agree with what Susan says and I do feel for you but wouldn't take it personally. He may have issues of his own and is struggling to deal with things. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors when your lover is at home with their partner. It sounds to me that may be he needs some time. It was a bit unfair to block you though unless he has communication issues. What I will say is try not to get too attached. Plenty more fish in the sea.

1 member likes this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 11:03AM

My feelings are... why on earth would you post this for all to see?

There - I said it.

10 members like this comment.

ScepticalHusband - 23 Jan, 2019 - 11:31PM

I think that if he also cares about you then he wouldn’t expect you to put your life on hold.

4 members like this comment.

susan104 - 23 Jan, 2019 - 06:09PM

This might sound harsh but LOVE ! It's Someone else's husband this site isint about love a little romance maybe I do feel sorry for you don't get me wrong but your back here again and you don't sound as though your in the right mind set are you maybe looking for an escape route to get out of your relationship you should take time to think what you want maybe that's what your lover has done and he has decided to stay with his wife (and it's not been changing his brand of antibiotics) after all 6 month isint exactly a long time x

11 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 22 Jan, 2019 - 07:46PM

I sympathise with you but please don't torture yourself anymore......move on at your own pace, he's not coming back and you need time to heal. I've been through something similar and hate myself for the mental and emotional torture I went through but now realise that he wasn't worth it. Good luck

6 members like this comment.

Amber18 - 22 Jan, 2019 - 06:29PM

Move on is the only advice I can give xx

2 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 22 Jan, 2019 - 05:31PM

My marriage ended and I started looking for husband no 2.

Whilst trying to find him or him finding me, I was asked if I would consider a married man. Before committing to that, I needed to put my mind and emotions and so on in a completely different box, to looking for a new husband.

I would suggest that you need to do the same. Yes you need to draw a line under the above experience and move on, however I would not advise seeking another IE until you can knowingly close off some of the 'normal' feelings.

The men I have seen, I like and enjoy being with, parts of them I hope to find in husband no 2, IF he exists. Your relationships here are temporary. There are limitations. If you feel they are going beyond that, take a step back and if you cannot limit those thoughts feelings, end things.

Anytime a relationship has ended. I take a step back, smile, have some lovely memories and move on (sometimes we can stay in contact as friends, other times not)....

7 members like this comment.

1126831-Deleted - 22 Jan, 2019 - 04:41PM

Give yourself time to grieve the closure off this relationship and then jump back in. But keep your heart a little closer to yoirself and just enjoy the fun

7 members like this comment.

Iwonderif72? - 22 Jan, 2019 - 01:09PM

I think sadly, he had made his position clear. You can't hang around waiting for him.
Time to hold your head up high and try and move on.
Time is a great healer.
As the saying goes 'Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all'.

2 members like this comment.

Bereweeke - 22 Jan, 2019 - 05:50AM


You are not alone - at least 80% of people will have experienced a devastating heartbreak.

I suffer from anxiety and depression but I think mental health issues should be taken out of the equation. However, you do need a bit of time to heal and I wonder if you should take some time out from dating. The last thing you want to embark on is a rebound relationship. They rarely work out in the long term.

Never give up hope - a friend had a love affair but , due to circumstances, they had to end it. Six years later they found each other again and are now married. Even live in a cottage! There are some good stories out there.

Look after yourself.

4 members like this comment.

1274565-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 10:21PM

Married men usually do not leave their wife's because they have so much to loss. This is why they are on this magnificent site. I don't want to sound harsh but I doubt it if he will change his life for you. Try to move on.

1 member likes this comment.

1280209-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 09:53PM

I would say move on. To me it sounds like he's been spinning you a yarn. If he really Loved you he wouldn't have blocked you I'm sorry to say. He most probably wasn't even ill! You have to look after you. Best thing to do is get back out there chat to others and back on the available list. Don't believe everything others tell you. You might be honest but others may not be even the ones who you think are. It's sad but true, not only on here but in real life too. You have your memories of your affair cherish them they are yours and no one can take them away from you. Next time keep one eye open to the real world and no planning running off into the sunset. After all would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you cheated with knowing you couldn't trust him to stay faithful to you in a permanent relationship and he could have been thinking the same. Good luck

6 members like this comment.

Something Just Like This - 21 Jan, 2019 - 08:57PM

I do feel for you, you sound brokenhearted. I know it will be easier said then done but you need to let him go. If you feel able then ask him to be just friends, then you can still be there for each other but in a non sexual way. I met a lovely man on here and I was heartbroken when he finished it after 6 months, we got on so well, I could not understand it. It has taken me many months to recover and accept it, but life goes on. Hopefully you can find a way to move on too. Keep your head held high babe and maybe you will find someone to enjoy your time on here with again.

2 members like this comment.

Teicu - 21 Jan, 2019 - 08:24PM

Move on lady, plenty more fish in the sea

Midnightincantation - 21 Jan, 2019 - 04:40PM

Move on...hard as it seems..or be prepared to wait for a long time..and then you might be further hurt by him..life is too short.

1 member likes this comment.

Raquel12 - 21 Jan, 2019 - 04:40PM

Well, he blocked you! Don't you have the answer to your own question, as hard as it is? Be strong. He will find you if he wants to.

2 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 03:47PM

It sounds like both of you suffer from a mental health problem that makes you take things too seriously and that does neither of you much good. I suggest you move on and, this time, concentrate on having some FUN rather than getting so involved. Concentrate on having as much FUN as you can in other areas of your life too, so that if this man does come back, he finds a happier more stable you, rather than a desperate, overanxious mess.

4 members like this comment.

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