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Letters to Sara

intrusive phone calls

Dear Sara 

I would like to ask what other members would do if during a date, their
mobile rings and its their partner calling? 

Cancelling calls or leaving a mobile turned off could cause suspicion

12 members like this.

Comments (45)

1123463-Deleted - 29 Jan, 2019 - 02:10PM

It's 2019 - who answers their phone these days? Send a WhatsApp to say you are tied up and will get in touch later...

1 member likes this comment.

1283374-Deleted - 12 Jan, 2019 - 02:32PM

If you needed to ask the question you either shouldn't be doing this or not be allowed to use a mobile phone.

1 member likes this comment.

1280408-Deleted - 31 Dec, 2018 - 10:16PM

Hmmm! Wow! I will let the person you are dating know that you need to pick up the call & pick up & talk but keep it short. The partner you are with would understand as the site guarantees discretion.

5 members like this comment.

XxYourDesirexX - 29 Dec, 2018 - 09:54PM

Always found it funny the way his phone would ring and the pannic on his face!! even though i would say answer it, go into the bathroom or that i would go into the bathroom
But no!!, he couldn`t get his pants on quick enough!! nearly fell over trying to get them on and then dash outside on to the corridor.. Then when the call ended forgot what room i was in, he tried to call me but my phone was on silent! lucky for him i opened the door after a while of waiting! `so funny`

19 members like this comment.

BrigitVinter - 28 Dec, 2018 - 12:59PM

You’ve called it “intrusive” so you’ve already judged it inappropriate.

At a guess, there is a generational divide between those who would answer and those who would not.

The replies have been illuminating as to how selfishly important some feel themselves to be and how elderly some are.

Given emergencies happen, answer the damn call and dump anyone who can’t handle it. OK maybe don’t spend 20min with a PA when your IE is naked in bed but FFS naked lover - pull his damn trousers down and give him head if you want his attention. Otherwise sit and stew in bed but accept you did nothing to change the situation.

Life is always on. Unless you are often off then suddenly being unavailable is suspicious and could lead to something infinitely worse than your fragile ego being dented by not being the center of your IEs attention.

FFS I’ve run conference calls on multi-million pound deals while mostly naked in a hotel room with an IE. It was that or no meeting. He accepted the limitation an

13 members like this comment.

amber57 - 28 Dec, 2018 - 08:19AM

When i go out, or have a date , i never take my phone with me, what ever i do outside my 4 walls i like to concentrate and enjoy , not beeing constandly interupted by any one nor my partner.

2 members like this comment.

Lynzi24 - 18 Dec, 2018 - 10:23PM

It would all depend on who the phone call was from.. I’d certainly always answer the phone to my children!

5 members like this comment.

Ange ou Démon - 08 Dec, 2018 - 02:15PM

Once a (in this case unmarried) lover with whom I was abroad for our first intimate meet after almost a year of not being able to align our agenda's, in the middle of the so long anticipated heat, got a call from his ex wife.

His daughter was just being taken to hospital after an incident. He immediately got dressed and left to travel back.

Was I disappointed for us? Sure!

Was I happy for him and his daughter that he felt enough at ease with me to answer that phone call? Of course!

9 members like this comment.

Ange ou Démon - 08 Dec, 2018 - 02:07PM

I am not married, but when it happens to my married lover, I discretely go to the bathroom so they can take the call without feeling spied on, embarrassed, or otherwise uncomfortable.

I make sure to not make any background noise and go back when they have finished the call.

7 members like this comment.

KeithM63 - 04 Dec, 2018 - 05:10PM

Well i'm not sure how it works elsewhere but when i was seeing some one who was also married she took a call from her daughter, we didnt stop and have to admit it did add to the excitement of the moment. we did laugh about it after

1 member likes this comment.

1280262-Deleted - 03 Dec, 2018 - 02:11PM

This is something I had never even thought about, but I can definitely say it'll never happen to me, I'm a dinosaur and have no mobile phone.

captain883 - 03 Dec, 2018 - 01:33PM

Just ignore. If you have a smidgen of common sense any mobile phone manipulation (like turning off or going to messaging) out of the ordinary is going to raise awareness. That could lead to suspicion.

Stay cool. Ignore.

2 members like this comment.

shoey666 - 02 Dec, 2018 - 10:10AM

This happened to me whilst I had my IE tied naked to the bed, just added to the experience and we had a good laugh afterwards. As others say, it is part of the game we play and if you can't deal with it without getting precious then don't play. An even funnier one was when her best friend called round unannounced, hairy at the time but we could laugh at afterwards.

getfun - 27 Nov, 2018 - 04:08PM

I'm sure your date, knows very well you have a partner so I see no valid reason why you shouldn't answer the phone.
If your date does not understand that, you're with the wrong date.

12 members like this comment.

1273309-Deleted - 27 Nov, 2018 - 02:55PM

So many profiles on this site are full of cliches about 'not wanting to rock any boats', or 'changing anyone's circumstances at home in marriage or otherwise'.
But if we think that's true, then we who are cheating/committing adultery/having our affairs, need to understand that the real world is very likely to intrude form time to time. And if it does, it doesn't make us any more or less significant. It simply puts what we're doing in proper perspective.
Would you really want to return home to discover that for the want of a missed call you'd chosen to ignore while taking your pleasure with your lover, you'd also missed a family emergency which might have required your attention?
By all means take what you want from this experience, but try not to be 'precious' about it, and remember, it's called Illicit Encounters for a reason!

11 members like this comment.

Hattie 50 - 25 Nov, 2018 - 07:34AM

I would answer the phone. If you are good at compartmentalising an affair from everyday life, it won’t be an issue. I had a long term affair, he spoke to his wife every night, I would just sit quietly whilst they spoke. I was a separate part of his life.

10 members like this comment.

1266109-Deleted - 24 Nov, 2018 - 12:15PM

I’ve been in a situation where after the deed was done the other person answered a call on his phone.. he was meant to be in work so he brought all of his work things into the hotel room with him. His phone rang after us being intermet and I have to admit when he took the call I did feel very insignificant!! Charming person indeed!

Gerri - 23 Nov, 2018 - 09:15AM

Hope this doesn’t happen to others! My hotel IE date decided to answer a call from his PA while I was waiting on the bed naked. 20 minutes later and he is still on his phone. Suffice to say it marred the meeting and the liaison ended! No need for bad manners! I deserved more!

14 members like this comment.

1071490-Deleted - 21 Nov, 2018 - 08:55AM

These days the issue is tracking, certainly on iPhones, there is both find my iPhone and find friends apps which track your location and feed it back to linked accounts. So better to have a second cheap throwaway and accidentally leave your phone behind. For a partner to check your location and the map to show you in a particular restaurant or hotel via maps before a call could leave you exposed in more ways than one.

4 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 20 Nov, 2018 - 04:14PM

Blonde Moment - 20 Nov, 2018 - 02:30AM

You are absolutely correct ... I speak from experience [wasn't me but my IE].

1 member likes this comment.

1253630-Deleted - 20 Nov, 2018 - 02:30AM

In answer to Rosie Kitten ....I think some people positively would enjoy answering the phone to their legitimate partner whilst otherwise engaged sexually enjoying the risk and others might get a vindictive thrill if they are at loggerheads with their OH's,and think they are getting one over on them .....

7 members like this comment.

1032477-Deleted - 16 Nov, 2018 - 08:55PM

.....Unless you are involved in a sexual act.....

I can’t imagine anyone would be so rude or heartless as to look at or answer their phone while being deeply intimate with their IE. Surely that would reveal a distinct inability to create and maintain a plausible alibi....and, I would imagine, an inability to be present and enjoy the moment.

6 members like this comment.

Friend2Hug - 16 Nov, 2018 - 10:29AM

It all depends what your alibi is, surely?

If you're (supposedly) somewhere or doing something where it's plausible not to answer the phone then don't. But if your alibi means you'd be in a situation where it'd cause suspicion if you didn't answer it, then do so.

The moral of the story is to think carefully about this when choosing an alibi...

7 members like this comment.

rarity23 - 15 Nov, 2018 - 05:32PM

Personally I always switch my phone off if I am on an ie date, the old "sorry I was in a bad reception area" works well if you need to explain yourself !!

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 14 Nov, 2018 - 11:38AM

@ Exotic Orchid

As usual, you hit the nail on the head!

Keep it short, but sweet, unless it's a family emergency---and if it IS that, then be prepared to understand, if one of you has to leave!

It's the way you deal with the unexpected, that tells you whether you're onto a winner (or not)!

9 members like this comment.

Bereweeke - 14 Nov, 2018 - 10:53AM

Unless you are involved in a sexual act

Unless you are involved in a sexual act when your phone rings, I would treat the phone call as you would normally do outside of your IE date-

Per ardua - 14 Nov, 2018 - 10:13AM

If out for the evening or overnight, it is best to check in with home early on to say all is well and check likewise at home. Then I would turn the phone to silent and check it occasionally. If a message from home needs to be answered, ask your IE if this is ok, and do so in a place that causes least embarrassment to you or your IE, (and away from suspicious noises). This depends upon how well you know your IE of course. Better still, try to get into the routine of text or Whatsapp rather than phoning!

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 13 Nov, 2018 - 10:15AM

SofiaByzantium - 12 Nov, 2018 - 09:25PM
"Having guidelines saying (and this works for either party) - I cannot turn my phone off because it will create suspicion but if it rings I'll go to my car and deal with it, I think is acceptable. After all - it comes with the territory but clarifying it on a first meet is a good idea"

I personally don't think it's necessary to even mention it ... it should go without saying that any calls from home are to be answered and the other party should understand why ... it's a no brainer!

Any IE who cannot understand that is not IE material as far as I'm concerned.

14 members like this comment.

1221937-Deleted - 12 Nov, 2018 - 09:25PM

I usually "manage" this situation by saying wherever I am (obviously my cover excuse) that the signal is pants and turn the phone off. If I am with someone who has not thought to do something similar then if his phone were to ring and he said "I have to take this" then before he answered I'd say "Do you want to take this here because if so I will absent myself for a while" and when this has happened they have usually gone outside, to their car or managed the situation effectively one way or the other.

Having guidelines saying (and this works for either party) - I cannot turn my phone off because it will create suspicion but if it rings I'll go to my car and deal with it, I think is acceptable. After all - it comes with the territory but clarifying it on a first meet is a good idea. With regard to other comments made regarding unexpected phone calls from IE friends this is utterly and completely out of order and demonstrates an extremely immature personality and gross selfishness.

2 members like this comment.

1273309-Deleted - 12 Nov, 2018 - 01:09PM

Any unsolicited or not pre-arranged calls between IE partners are completely outside the boundaries of acceptability, and should flag up that it's time to say goodbye.
But surely what we're talking about here, is any call made by wives/husbands/partners etc while a date is taking place? And so I refer honourable/dishonourable members to the post I made earlier.

PS. Any IE partner who can't accept that there will be occasions when our partners in life intrude into our IE lives, shouldn't really be here in the first place.

2 members like this comment.

1266776-Deleted - 11 Nov, 2018 - 05:21PM

I have an old phone, one that I used five years or so ago, which I have brought back to life with a GiffGaff SIM card. This is the number that I give to potential dates and explain that if it goes to voicemail it's because I switch it off when it would be embarrassing to have it ring.

3 members like this comment.

1240495-Deleted - 11 Nov, 2018 - 04:27PM

I got call.from IE. AT 6am. one sat morning . I WAS AT A Wedding reception ,stay over .mad or what .

1243009-Deleted - 10 Nov, 2018 - 12:00PM

Teicu - 09 Nov, 2018 - 11:21AM

Yours is a slightly different situation to the one asked in this letter.

However, you are absolutely correct ... calling an IE [especially a potential one whom he's not even met yet] is a total NO unless by prior arrangement. A stupid and dangerous thing to do to anyone. Not everyone will be able to explain it away to their partner at home.

2 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 10 Nov, 2018 - 11:55AM

Seductiveyes - 09 Nov, 2018 - 08:02AM
Sexybexy - 09 Nov, 2018 - 09:34AM

Under "normal" social circumstances, yes, it is rude/bad manners to answer the phone BUT not in the IE situation unless one is used to not answering calls. Otherwise, there is nothing more suspicious to a partner than an unasnwered call. Believe me, I know from experience, having once been the wife!!!

3 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 09 Nov, 2018 - 03:20PM

When out most of my IE know I have the phone on ... just in case ... as I have children and MAY need to be contacted. So far all have accepted this with no tantrums and wonderfully I have not needed to be called.

I do know of a friend who took a call from one of their children as they had rang many times when it was unusual for them to do so.
There was a genuine emergency with the child.
The IE went mad!
Appalling behaviour from the IE.

I once had to postpone a first meeting due to a child issue, he understood, instead we were able to chat over the phone. Great chat. We met a few days later, so far, it is the best, funniest first meeting I have had.

As stated before, yes you both want a relationship and time together however, partner, children, family, friends, the dog, the fish ... THEN you! are the order of things!
No IE comes above the security and health and well being of your family!

4 members like this comment.

1268231-Deleted - 09 Nov, 2018 - 01:21PM

I think you would either answer the call, or not answer the call.

1264503-Deleted - 09 Nov, 2018 - 01:15PM


Totally agree with you
Why why why. Would you ring your lover /date without asking first in a text.😮
Agree he could be trouble.

Teicu - 09 Nov, 2018 - 11:21AM

This happened to me before I had even met the guy. We exchanged numbers a day before our meet up. He rang me that day, whilst I was at home with my husband. I didn’t answer but when mad with him over text. I decided there and then I would not be meeting with him, he thought I had blown it out of proportion! Seriously!!! That action showed me exactly what sort of guy he was

9 members like this comment.

1273309-Deleted - 09 Nov, 2018 - 10:55AM

We all know why we're here, and that our IE partners have lives away from the site and the dates we arrange.
So I don't think it rude if you politely say that your wife, other half is calling and you need to take it.
You can make it as brief as possible with whatever excuses you care to make/lies you want to tell.......and return to your date with no harm done.

8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 09 Nov, 2018 - 10:54AM

Totally agree with those here who say answer the call.

I would always expect him to answer, especially if it is a call from home and yes, I would absolutely give him privacy ... either walk away a short distance or if in a hotel room, go into the bathroom.

7 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 09 Nov, 2018 - 09:34AM

I would never let this happen. Either leave the mobile at home or turn it off. You can always say you were having lunch/dinner with friends and or work colleagues and didn't want to be disturbed.

It's good manners to turn your mobile off in social situations anyway...

1 member likes this comment.

1264503-Deleted - 09 Nov, 2018 - 09:31AM

Always answer and move away from your date
You both know your married.
If I'm staying away I would always ring my partner first to say I've arrived and good night.
Plus I have children what if there was a problem at home.
Never not answer.

8 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 09 Nov, 2018 - 09:10AM

They answer ... either they go and find a place to talk or you politely give them space to talk.

One meeting up they tried to call wife before we left however unable to, just ask we were about to go into the restaurant she rang, I politely just walked around the side to give privacy, he seemed surprised as when finished asked why I was there!! lol
He had not realised for me an automatic thing.
As stated before, yes you both want a relationship and time together however, partner, children, family, friends, the dog, the fish ... THEN you! are the order of things!

If in the middle of more 'fun' things ... it may be ring them back in 2 1/2 minutes lol!!

5 members like this comment.

1274565-Deleted - 09 Nov, 2018 - 08:02AM

Good morning

I never answer as I found it rather rude to answer while you are on a date or in any situation. Just say to hubby that you were busy or couldn't get the phone or couldn't hear it etc...

4 members like this comment.

Inthethickofit - 09 Nov, 2018 - 12:32AM

Surely you’d just answer it? It’s not like the person you’re dating doesn’t know your married🤷🏼‍♀️

5 members like this comment.

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