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Letters to Sara

Pet Hates

Ladies and Gentlemen

Excluding Virtual Kisses and Gifts what are your pet hates with regard to messages?

I have a friend who also belongs to IE and our top three are as follows:

1. I like/love your profile when they plainly haven't read your profile!
2. I have just joined, when they already have at least six gifts!
3. I shaved a few years off my age, in response to us writing you are too young for me (8 years is the max shaving so far!)

Please share your bugaboos with us and the whole IE community.

Best wishes and good luck!

15 members like this.

Comments (69)

1324797-Deleted - 21 Aug, 2019 - 10:25AM

Lazy arrogant asses who have either filled in nothing on their profile or have zero useful to say beyond what the totally worthless profile generator puts out.
Make an effort people!

1306237-Deleted - 06 Jun, 2019 - 01:25PM

Adults who refer to themselves as cheeky, naughty, or some other infantile superlative. Yuck.

2 members like this comment.

Serialencounter - 04 Mar, 2019 - 04:16PM

As a return user of the site, my advice is that you can expect the protocol to unravel at any point. With messages, passwords or a proposed meeting.

The best you can rescue from that is to ask the decliner for any advice, if you want to improve your profile or the way you present yourself.

You will only realise it's on when you are at the meeting place and the person actually shows up. But always have something else to go onto should you get stood up.

If there is any genui

1287756-Deleted - 18 Feb, 2019 - 06:45AM

There are many but they have already been highlighted
But one of mine is " how's the search going" as the only opening message
Is that relevant? If I'm still online Or am i being petty? Please ask me something or tell me something about you....

1 member likes this comment.

1273103-Deleted - 10 Feb, 2019 - 04:52PM

I think the anonymous and impersonal nature of the internet as well as perhaps the number of messages..ladies receive ...and maybe a bad experience of a mad bloke means that manners get strained ...

1 member likes this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2019 - 11:05AM

This will apply to the men as well ,but spending weeks of sifting through and doing message ping pong with all sorts of nutters ,weirdos and time wasters just too find ONE decent person ,been a long nearly gave up journey ,but they are there DONT give up go with your gut ...

1201758-Deleted - 20 Jan, 2019 - 02:13PM

The most irritating thing on here? Men whos profile says "I do not have a set type" and then when you exchange photos they say "sorry, you are not my type" Say on your bloody profile what type you are looking for if you are so bloody choosy!

2 members like this comment.

1276593-Deleted - 14 Jan, 2019 - 11:02PM

I’ve a few comments to share. Obviously mine are from a man’s point of view, but they might go both ways.

I always take the trouble to write a bespoke message, I don’t copy and paste. If you get one from me, i’ve Read your profile, and I’m responding to you because I tick some, if not all of your boxes.

Firstly, there are those that don’t even read the message. Are they still active members? If not, then IE ought to get rid of them, or at least put the number of days since they’ve been online. My sending messages to a dormant user is unfair with regards to time and money.

Secondly, you have some who open your message and don’t look at your profile, or they open the message and profile. However, there’s nothing after that. In my book, that’s rude. All it takes is a quick “thanks but no thanks”. I might not like it, but I know where I stand.

Thirdly, there’s those who send a one word reply. Ok, I know where I stand, but it’s an ignorant attitude to have. What ever happ

8 members like this comment.

1283374-Deleted - 12 Jan, 2019 - 02:35PM

Inequal opportunities.

1276157-Deleted - 12 Jan, 2019 - 08:59AM

Knowing the person you have been chatting too is online but not answering you !

3 members like this comment.

Friend2Hug - 11 Jan, 2019 - 11:17AM

One sentence messages. Or even worse, messages with just one or two words. That's not a conversation, it's just rude!

It also gives the impression that someone is spread so thinly, talking to countless people at the same time, and they don't have the time or energy to bother properly engaging in conversation with you.

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 10 Jan, 2019 - 12:28PM

Acorn Tree - 10 Jan, 2019 - 08:04AM

Agreed ... ditto for men too.

1276157-Deleted - 10 Jan, 2019 - 11:24AM

Acorn Tree ......i totally agree and have been where you are ,most talk the talk but dont walk the walk ,sad and annoying for genuine people ..

2 members like this comment.

1029229-Deleted - 10 Jan, 2019 - 10:44AM

What is it with men? you moan that no one replies, then when I make the effort to be kind and say thanks but no thanks, I get a reply really arguing my decision. They think because they like me I have to automatically like them too, how arrogant? obviously, I do not know my own mind, cannot make my own decisions, will oblige because they want me to. I will, in future just Ignore anyone I feel is not right for me. I've tried being nice and it`s not working and wasting my time.

5 members like this comment.

Acorn Tree - 10 Jan, 2019 - 08:04AM

I have come to the conclusion that for half the people on IE their excitement is from teasing others! I get messages asking me out for a drink asking, me to meet to go out and showing lots of interest. Most of whom I replied to straight away and then never hear another word! I am pretty much go to give up on IE soon as all it does is frustrate the hell out me!!

5 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 04 Jan, 2019 - 10:49PM

Really cheesed off with chatting and thinking everything is going well then all of a sudden they must get cold feet ,and either silence or scattered chats ,just be HONEST for goodness sake , thankfully ive a 2nd IE meet and if all goes well i will be off here as the timewasters are beyond belief ,wasting my time and their money ............

3 members like this comment.

De Ville - 04 Jan, 2019 - 11:28AM

People who claim to have come across an adultery website by accident and people who don't know what they are looking for but may know it when they find it

4 members like this comment.

amber57 - 03 Jan, 2019 - 01:28PM

well, some have egos, i myself have been confronted with pretty rude stuff, but not getting wind up and as in princible i am a peacefull creature , i do not jump on it,
so ignore it or asking , i f that is all u can say , do not bother me again

2 members like this comment.

1052168-Deleted - 03 Jan, 2019 - 05:27AM

Men who make ridiculous claims about their sexual prowess or size of their appendage in the first few messages. We’ve heard it all before guys.
Putting ‘reviews’ of their performance on their profile supposedly from former lovers. Crass. Even if I woman did say it - which I doubt - we are probably just being nice!

3 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 02 Jan, 2019 - 05:01PM

Totally agree with Something just like this ,ive had more chats with time wasters and perverts than with decent guys ,they are out there but so hard to fu=ind and end to be too far away

2 members like this comment.

Something Just Like This - 31 Dec, 2018 - 07:07PM

Men who treat women on here like whores. Im sick of guys who just say what you want to hear. Men who think it is acceptable to want sex on a first date (never will) Men who say they will take you for a nice meal and drink, then suddenly something has cropped up and they can only make it for an hour, still want to meet but skip the meal, really it has happened to me a couple of time. One I was meeting in a park and within 5 minutes he wanted to go behind a bush for sex! or into the sand dunes and he wondered why I didnt see him again. Men who make no effort for a date, turn up in scruffy clothes and uncombed hair. I always make an effort, I expect the men to also. Men who just blatantly lie about what they want. As you can tell I am rather peed off with the whole thing, I have come to realise there are very few decent honest men on here, maybe there are but they can not get through because of all the players, liers and basic sleezeballs. I give up!

17 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 31 Dec, 2018 - 01:19PM

People im sure women do it too ,get into nice chats ,start to arrange a meet then silence ,if you change your mind SAY for goodness sake ,better than nothing at all ,getting endless now

gaspod - 28 Dec, 2018 - 09:08PM

It’s not just men Bill64, women do it all the time. Very rude I think too.

3 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 24 Dec, 2018 - 09:51PM

Getting fed up of men getting in touch after reading my profile just to ask for a pic ,no chat to get to know each other ,yet most say its not about looks but a connection ,Mmm not to most its ALL about what you look like ,no thanks ..

4 members like this comment.

1278410-Deleted - 21 Dec, 2018 - 04:31PM

Profile generator
I need not say more

6 members like this comment.

Windsweptandinteresting - 19 Dec, 2018 - 02:21PM

Sending a considered message and getting a reply simply asking to see your pictures without even looking at your profile.

That's worse than no reply at all.

7 members like this comment.

1281023-Deleted - 19 Dec, 2018 - 09:04AM

Come on ladies, you are online and we send you a message, we wait, we wait 24 hours - nothing. Why do that, please reply even if you don't think you would gel. Some of us are here looking for a real friendship, please be nice, we are not all pervs and cocky.

9 members like this comment.

jennyjj - 15 Dec, 2018 - 09:10AM

I get on the very first message " hello when can we meet up" I know we are on this site for a reason but guys A little tact here is required .

8 members like this comment.

Ange ou Démon - 14 Dec, 2018 - 11:59AM

When on their first message you ask :"May I ask what in my profile makes you think we could be a potential match?"

And they ghost.

Because actually READING a profile seems too much to ask for. Some even react offended, by what I think is a very reasonable question when you try to start a relationship?

It looks like the males here have their pick of choices of attractive females, and all it requires to lure those in is a random copy/paste message. LOL

But oh wait, that is not the reality I hear from the males I actually DO speak or meet with... ;-)

1 member likes this comment.

sandy222 - 14 Dec, 2018 - 07:01AM

men who dont have a profile but request yours. and then when they do put a pic up the password does not work

2 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 13 Dec, 2018 - 05:12PM

Getting along well few days of good chat then nothing ? a polite let down would be nice

4 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 12 Dec, 2018 - 03:44PM

When they want you to be exclusive to them and you havent even met yet ,you have to talk and get to know a few frogs before you kiss one ,so keeping my options open sorry ..

2 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 12 Dec, 2018 - 02:51PM

Men who want to keep you to themselves ,even if only seeing each other rarely ,

3 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 08 Dec, 2018 - 10:23AM

Men who ask to meet and then turn tail and disappear when they are given a few dates to choose from for a mutually convenient meet!

7 members like this comment.

1280592-Deleted - 03 Dec, 2018 - 11:49PM

Men who have dick pics in their profile {password protected}
Men who dont read profiles
Men who use the words hunni, babe, darling, sweetie etc
Touchy, huffy little men who spit the dummy out when you are not keen to converse further
Arrogant men who think they are God's gift

14 members like this comment.

1951Brian - 01 Dec, 2018 - 02:26PM


You construct a well thought out and carefully worded message after reading a profile. You delve further into it and ask for more information about the lady concerned and what she is actually seeking when the profiles are sparse.

You wait and wait, and then realise that they haven't had the decency or common courtesy to actually read them. And they say that us men are pigs.

12 members like this comment.

thereandback - 29 Nov, 2018 - 08:56PM

Lack of courtesy. Courtesy is so important, the internet itself doesn’t help but the Edge of anonymity you get here allows for an off hand rudeness or a jump to conclusions that is often unkind.

6 members like this comment.

1277969-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2018 - 09:21PM

1, When you are told to give a honest opinion about someones picture and then don't take no for an answer!
2, I had a conversation with a so called positive man. When I asked him about his job, he gave me a list of things I wasn't to discuss. No job, family, friends or holiday!? Idiot
3, being intimate with someone and told we are exclusive, but he's still very active.
4, when their profile clearly state they'd like to have dinner with you, be a friend as well as a lover and other lovely dates, but clearly it's only about weird kinky sex. Be honest about what you want in your profile please!
Rant over 😂😂

13 members like this comment.

1277209-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2018 - 07:52AM

New here, so forgive me. When chatting and you think thing's are going well, suddenly nothing not even just nipping out, washing my hair (old one ).A no thank you wold be nice some of us can live with it. Manners please.

10 members like this comment.

1071490-Deleted - 24 Nov, 2018 - 09:49PM

Weird blocking, got sent a message with password which I could not look at as was being over looked. Next time I sign on she has blocked me and sent me a message saying I obviously was not interested. We all need to wise up and understand that people appear online when they are not, that unless you have a certain type of account, you cannot tell if your message has been read.

3 members like this comment.

Midnightincantation - 21 Nov, 2018 - 08:55PM

Ange 0 Demon
Hear hear...I hate VKs. ..delete straight away...and gifts from men that have never messaged me...it gives the wrong impression. ...

4 members like this comment.

1277476-Deleted - 20 Nov, 2018 - 12:26PM

hate the lets share password and then ....... be great if there was an immediate exchange button where yo both et to see at the same time

17 members like this comment.

sandy222 - 20 Nov, 2018 - 07:54AM

men with beards

9 members like this comment.

1268231-Deleted - 18 Nov, 2018 - 02:15PM

Dating sites

4 members like this comment.

1275400-Deleted - 17 Nov, 2018 - 07:03PM

Asking for photo
No hello or anything

5 members like this comment.

1264503-Deleted - 17 Nov, 2018 - 10:08AM

I wish there was a ratings system on here so we could see how people treat someone and then decide if we want to carry on chatting to them.
Speaking from experience there are a lot of guys who treat women appallingly on here.
Just because I'm on this site doesn't mean I don't deserve to be treated with respect.
I think that if both sexes had a heads up on someone it would save a lot of heartache and humiliation.

18 members like this comment.

1272680-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2018 - 08:01PM

I think pet hate is a bit strong for me, but a mild irritation would be:

A profile says something like "and make sure your first message is interesting to show why you're different".

So I do (well I always try anyway) and the first reply is a std photo request and not even a hello. So I tend to ignore those.

5 members like this comment.

Ange ou Démon - 15 Nov, 2018 - 03:14PM

People who use the 'profile generator'.

Immediate 'NEXT' for me! (In fact I should be thankful, because it makes it so much easier to select the serious pot's in my full inbox)

What kind of effort can I expect from people who are too lazy to sit down and make a decent profile?
I mean; we are supposed to start a relationship, right? So give me at least a reason to pay attention and spend time talking to you!

So what makes you stand out from the crowd and catch the other sexe's attention?
Unfortunally not a lot of people here understand how important that is, and then complain they cannot find what they are looking for?!

Well, for a change; make a decent profile use a good (unrecognizable if you wish) profile picture and NEVER!, EVER! send a gift or a virtual kiss!

10 members like this comment.

1023443-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2018 - 10:47AM

@1134762-Deleted - 11 Nov, 2018 - 09:24PM:

To be fair, someone might add you to their Favourites simply as a way of bookmarking your profile, so they can easily find it again to re-read later on. (The site doesn't provide any other way to bookmark members' names.) So why not take it as a silent compliment!

And BTW your profile can be read without you knowing, if the reader has hidden their own profile status. (they might be shy!)

Is it just me, or does anybody else here wish IE would also give us a way to BLACKlist unsuitable or stroppy members (as UnFavourites ?) to prevent searches from constantly coming up with their names...!?

18 members like this comment.

Teicu - 14 Nov, 2018 - 06:46PM

A pet hatemaybe, but if you send a password and you don’t hear back there is normally a reason for that.
Why should I have to send my password to you if I have no intention of taking it further.
Ok common courtesy you say but us women get a lot of messages on here, if I had all day every day to spend on IE then maybe I would

4 members like this comment.

gaspod - 14 Nov, 2018 - 10:16AM

My pet hates are
- agreeing to share pics, going first and never hearing a word back. I change the password but you can wonder if they know you if they are relatively local and in general it just seems rude
- making a follow up to an innocent Hi type email to find you are blocked. Increasingly the general internet rudeness and aggression seems to be spreading to here, strange on site. These days the best profiles are of women who comment on here , as well as knowing they are still active and real.
- those who come over as sensible helpful people in their comments on the letters pages but block you off or act very differently when contacted

5 members like this comment.

1071490-Deleted - 13 Nov, 2018 - 11:56AM

Profiles that include a set of 'how tos' or 'how not tos' like a set of rules of engagement. I feel being on here has allowed some self reflection that makes me wonder about the many reasons people in relationships aren't satisfied or stop having sex, including me. The second is headless pictures of women in lingerie, its hard not to look good in lovely lingerie, but as I say in my profile Im more interested if you can you turn heads in an overcoat? Each to their own.

1221937-Deleted - 12 Nov, 2018 - 09:32PM

I love what you have to say!! My profile categorically says if you are under 50 no thanks or words to that effect. Within a week I usually get at least 3 aged 30 - 40 so they clearly have not read a flipping word !!!! The age thing never really bothers me if they are older and pretend to be younger. My real bugbear is when they turn up and the photos are quite clearly 20 years old although clothes and photo quality usually gives this game away! But second bugbear especially with an older guy is if they start making very strong sexual comments before they have even bothered to get to know you. That annoys me beyond belief. Have they no decorum?!!

9 members like this comment.

1134762-Deleted - 11 Nov, 2018 - 09:24PM

Being added as a favourite. ..without being messaged. .or profile being read..very insulting. .does one think one is an item to be purchased at a later date

10 members like this comment.

1243009-Deleted - 10 Nov, 2018 - 11:48AM

* Men who want a "freebie" by asking in the first message if I would accommodate just because I'm single!!!
* Men who send a general first message, what I call the scatter gun method. Yes, I understand they are paying for the membership and time is limited but still not very flattering.
* Men who message me claiming to "love" my profile which I know is BS because I have used the profile generator and there is nothing to "love" about it!!!

6 members like this comment.

Timtim26 - 10 Nov, 2018 - 11:24AM

I particularly like it when asked to swap pictures. Made so much better when the other party has a look and then blocks you without any further comment. A quick no thank you would suffice

1 member likes this comment.

Man in the hat - 10 Nov, 2018 - 11:14AM

Those that expect you to go on a blind date - c'mon get real!

Someone who tells you how attractive you are, tentatively asks about height - and then blocks you when they discover you are not Peter Crouch. Very nice indeed.

1 member likes this comment.

2waysincerencounter - 08 Nov, 2018 - 11:37PM

Yes, Blondeambition, I hate it too when I have done my best to look good and smell nice etc, have gone out my way to travel at the rendezvous, and the person does not show up at a 1st or 2nd meeting and has no excuse other than weird stories. When the e-communication continues somehow and I again ask what happened as I smell a rat (not a good scent), the story changes to "I messed up". When I reply, well that is not really funny, isn't it, she threatens to report me to the police. Lovely indeed.

1 member likes this comment.

1105479-Deleted - 08 Nov, 2018 - 10:37PM

Obvious copy and pasting to point of leaving someone else’s profile name on their opening gambit.

Receiving exactly the same message months or weeks apart. I get if it’s not broke don’t fix it, but COME ON, make an effort.

Assumptions; I may live in Essex but if you assume I’m an Essex girl you will be either disappointed or delighted to find I am not.

Sorry to be a pedant, glaringly obvious grammatical errors such as their/they’re/there. A typo or two is a different matter.

2 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 08 Nov, 2018 - 01:44PM

Darlings, I don't wish to be rude here, but, as an ex-teacher, I can't help but notice that SOME of us are not answering the question as set.
We are being asked for our pet hates 'with regard to messages'
This does not include pet hates as to men in general, however pithy and true these may be.
In future, marks will be deducted for irrelevant content...

11 members like this comment.

richgirl3 - 08 Nov, 2018 - 01:51AM

Childish rude profile names, puts me off straight away.
When you say too old or too young the reply is always "age is just a number" - no means no, get over it!

7 members like this comment.

Blondeambition287 - 07 Nov, 2018 - 10:18PM

It really annoys me when i've arranged to meet up with someone and he hasnt made any effort at all with his appearance. I always go out of my way to look and smell good for a date, why can't men make the same effort???

5 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 07 Nov, 2018 - 12:32PM

My pet hates are:

1. Senders who clearly can't tell my profile is written tongue-in-cheek
2.Senders who immediately tell me what they will do to my body (most of these messages are anatomically inaccurate with poor grammar and spelling!)
3. "Do you want to chat?" The answer is no. I came on here to date/have an affair, not to chat.

6 members like this comment.

1252972-Deleted - 07 Nov, 2018 - 11:43AM

I find this mostly with ladies...Sorry ladies but its true. A lot rely on physical appearance and if they dont like the pic they just vanish rather than say sorry your not my type.

1 member likes this comment.

The Actress - 07 Nov, 2018 - 11:23AM

I only have two to add to the list----

1. An introductory message without my name at top----How many other ladies are reading that same message right now?
2. 40 somethings, who message me, despite my preferred age range being 60+. Do they think I'll be grateful?

2 members like this comment.

1273309-Deleted - 07 Nov, 2018 - 07:42AM

My personal top 5 would be:

1. Anyone who can't be bothered to respond to an introductory message with maybe even a 'thanks for your message, good luck'
2. The dreaded profile generator, which tells you nothing of any real value about the person using it.
3. Requesting a photo password before exchanging any messages whatsoever.
4. Saying, '' let's exchange pics", when what they mean is, "show me your pic, but if I don't like it, you won't see me for dust!".
5. People who take offence if you don't reply to their message as quickly as they expect/require.

9 members like this comment.

1264503-Deleted - 07 Nov, 2018 - 07:38AM

Face Photos from the 90s.
Dick pictures in their private gallery.
Clearly lied about there age then denies it.
Arrange to meet then literally as your walking out the door they cancel.

10 members like this comment.

Time.is.right - 07 Nov, 2018 - 05:46AM

One word answers to messages and then getting all hurt when they’re told you’re not interested because if it

Profile pictures that have zero correlation to the the person

In fact profiles in general which describe somebody’s fantasy self which unfortunately, as good as it sounds, isn’t the person I’m going to meet unless you’re a damn good actor

1 member likes this comment.

Jonwinter777 - 07 Nov, 2018 - 12:46AM

Someone who requests your password and then vanishes into the cyber void without so much as a "you're an ugly *****; don't darken my inbox again!" :-)

18 members like this comment.

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