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Letters to Sara

Could someone please give me advice ??

I am looking for advice on where you go with an IE lover, I thought it
would be quite simple. However it appears not to be.

I cannot accommodate and the men I speak to seem loathe to suggest a hotel.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Thank you.

17 members like this.

Comments (54)

1280408-Deleted - 12 Jan, 2019 - 01:17PM

It's been brilliant reading all posts.
Some profiles are just words of enticement.
When the chips are down it's more restricted than it is planned out!
Offering outings etc when meets are short & timed!!!
I have good flexible availability & even on weekends! But profiles do not specify availability all the time.
It's when you start talking you find that all that glitters is not gold!
I miss the traditional affair route of a Man actually making an effort to talk to you wherever they meet you & like you.
Thank you.

DJ0075 - 15 Oct, 2018 - 11:24PM

Well if they are not happy to find a hotel then maybe pass them by.

Otherwise be creative. In the car, in the pub car park, in a field.

We eventually found a local pub with rooms that gave us a hefty discount. If you don’t ask you don’t get.

If you live near a swinger / adult club, most have lockable rooms and the entrance fee is a fraction of the cost of an hotel.

We also discovered the some some hotels at motorway services did reasonable day room rates.


1263614-Deleted - 18 Sep, 2018 - 11:11PM

If he wants it enough then the cost or anything else goes out of the window. If only we were young again as home or an hotel would not of even come into it, under the stars or a car were where you got close.
I guess the guy as his personal reasons, best approach is to discuss this matter outright with him.
If it was me, then as long as I felt a sexual attraction then the hotel would be booked without any second thoughts.

5 members like this comment.

1263820-Deleted - 17 Sep, 2018 - 12:48PM

What's the alternative but a hotel? They don't have to be cheap and nasty. In fact finding a mutually suitable hotel and booking and planning is exciting.

1 member likes this comment.

Wantsmore77 - 16 Sep, 2018 - 11:18PM

I met a lady, we clicked straight off as things worked out we had a very small window of opportunity to meet, her place was empty, but I organised a hotel rm even though I knew we would only be there for a few hours, seems to me that all that’s thought about by most of my fellow gender is the act itself, not the planning or understanding that married women have families and marriages that they wish to protect and aren’t happily going to invite a man however hot that she doesn’t know into her home.

3 members like this comment.

TROJAN - 11 Sep, 2018 - 08:15AM

Sounds crazy.

I only joined this site recently and would prefer a hotel, if it came to carnal pursuits.

The whole idea of anonymity is not to be noticed and in many cases not to wreck a marriage.

It can only be a question of money, as prostitutes accommodate and if it was only down to sex. Then money is the only consideration.

2 members like this comment.

HRTfanLouise - 08 Sep, 2018 - 03:37PM

Unless one or the other of you has access to somewhere private, and don't want the discomfort of doing things in cars (fun occasionally perhaps but not a long term solution), then it really has to be a hotel. They need not be that expensive (the large number of booking sites ensures that these days, and then there are the couple of day room sites that are useful if into day time playing).

A tip for getting a dayroom, even if the sites show none near you (an issue we found in the past if not near an airport), most places will take bookings if you phone them up. Use something like booking.com to look for places with low occupancy near where you want then call them.

Another trick, find somewhere with a low rate and book two nights. One of you checks in the day before you need it (don't need use the room overnight), then it is free all the next day and when done just say you need to check out early. Most won't bat an eyelid and some will even only charge you for one night.

2 members like this comment.

chrisklondon - 08 Sep, 2018 - 10:11AM

Cannot believe some of the comments on this. Despite the irony of this site being dishonest in its nature (we are all looking to cheat on our partners after all), the whole beauty of it is you can be as honest and as blunt with whomever you talk to here. There is no burden to hold you back. Simply two adults deciding what would be an apprpraite place to have some physical fun. Should not be that hard or embarrassing to bring up the subject.

In my opinion, a man should pay for a hotel that suits his financial needs. If the woman offers to chip in then up to him whether to accept or not. Me personally, I still believe in male chivalry and would always pay fully. If I could not afford that at the least, would not even waste time looking for an affair.

13 members like this comment.

Lady Leona - 31 Aug, 2018 - 12:04AM

Please dont be put off by dejavu_again’s comments!
I’ve been using these sites for years, and never had a problem!
After all its double rental for the hotel, so why wouldn't they accommodate?

1 member likes this comment.

1258805-Deleted - 30 Aug, 2018 - 10:14AM

difficult to answer , I like outdoor meets myself , I find it more exciting, try it

dejavu_again - 27 Aug, 2018 - 08:40PM

A word of warning on the two hotel day sites mentioned, they can come in handy but as there is no credit card securing the booking it may not be honoured if the hotel is full. They probably know what you're up to and that you won't kick up a fuss so can treat you how they please. Also you may still need a card and/or some form of ID at check-in even if paying in cash (and not all accept cash these days).. lesson being best to ring through before and check.

FriendlySteve - 27 Aug, 2018 - 03:48PM

I don't see any problem for two people to discuss where to go to and hopefully find a mutually acceptable solution.

All part of interfacing with each other!

1245101-Deleted - 24 Aug, 2018 - 09:29PM

Only deal with males, who wish to date you and when the time is right - take the lead and book a hotel.

Drop all the others

Simple :)

12 members like this comment.

Iona Aeowyn - 23 Aug, 2018 - 06:03AM

Why wouldn’t someone share the cost of a hotel? I think having fun in a car is tacky and outside isn’t always practical - especially in winter. I’d find someone who will share hotel costs, they do exist.

2 members like this comment.

Blower46 - 21 Aug, 2018 - 11:22PM

I have been to a Thai massage parlour with a lady in the past. We booked a massage for a couple for one hour and then tipped the masseur to leave us alone for 1/2 hour are so...the massage was very nice too!

3 members like this comment.

Lady Leona - 18 Aug, 2018 - 09:56PM

Www.between9and5.com is a great website for day use rooms!!
You can get a hotel as chesp as £40 and many of them are close to An airport...pay incash, so no audit trail!! Staff don’t bat an eyelid because they are used to aircrew coming and going all the time!

3 members like this comment.

prozak - 16 Aug, 2018 - 12:04PM

Take turns paying for a hotel!

What are people expecting? Anything that involves either home is surely the opposite of discreet.

2 members like this comment.

Sexsi1 - 15 Aug, 2018 - 08:58AM

check out Dayuse hotel rates - you can get a room for a great discount for an afternoon...

1 member likes this comment.

AnnaSouth - 15 Aug, 2018 - 01:13AM

Regarding “The great outdoors”
It is illegal to have sex in a public place. The chance of getting caught somewhere very rural is slim, but who wants to have sex in a car anyway? And why risk it - you may get caught. Imagine the consequences.

It is 2018. I would have thought a couple of dates (splitting the bill), and then if things move on - split the bill at a hotel?
If women cannot split the bill (for whatever reason), maybe put it in your profile, that you can’t finance dates?
I would not be willing to pay for everything, and I wouldn’t expect a man to do so either.

2 members like this comment.

Temping - 14 Aug, 2018 - 11:27PM

Wuffa1 - 12 Aug, 2018 - 11:07PM
"Haystacks - straw gets in all the awkward places"

Not just that but also, straw is not very comfortable, in fact downright painful unless one has a hide as thick as a rhinoceros!!! :-)

Temping - 14 Aug, 2018 - 11:23PM

Garden75 - 11 Aug, 2018 - 03:27PM
".question are you in the right place to be looking for a sugar daddy or even Mr playboy himself??"

Excuse me but just because some women expect the men to pay for the hotel room, you are implying that they are looking for a sugardaddy??? That is very insulting. It could be that there is an inequality of incomes for example. Or that the women aren't wage earners and it is not easy for them to find the spare cash. Please don't tar everyone with the same brush. There are many women here who are housewives.

14 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 14 Aug, 2018 - 11:29AM

Red flag,! If a guy won't consider a hotel he is mean spirited and will just have sex and leave. Ask yourself what it is about you that you're considering settling for such men. Move on immediately and thank goodness you have dodged a bullet.

6 members like this comment.

1253630-Deleted - 13 Aug, 2018 - 08:47PM

I'd not even consider meeting them .Meanness is a negative .You can get a hotel at a reasonable price .It's not like you are in love with someone and location doesn't matter .This is entirely different .Don't cheapen yourself ....!There's plenty of time to redress the balance if you end up in relationship of some sorts ,or you have plenty of money and he is struggling in future .

7 members like this comment.

Wuffa1 - 12 Aug, 2018 - 11:07PM

I can tell you where not to go.

Haystacks - straw gets in all the awkward places

The Zoo - nothing worse than looking up seeing an animal exhibit staring at you

At the supermarket - you can get so easily distracted by the special offers

On a golf course - you just know that wherever you go somebody's ball will land beside yours

In a car - for all the improvements in cars, gearsticks are always a pain in the a*se

At your own home, if you have a dog - dogs are lovely but cold noses can be disconcerting

9 members like this comment.

Garden75 - 11 Aug, 2018 - 03:27PM

Dayuse.com is an amazing commodity....in most cases no papertrail they do take cash also go Dutch it is 2018 not 1908 how ever nice it is to be treated you want to be there as much as the men do and they may not have pots and pots of gold like maybe your husbands do???? ...question are you in the right place to be looking for a sugar daddy or even Mr playboy himself?? ;-) happy times people x

4 members like this comment.

Gentlesoul37 - 10 Aug, 2018 - 09:50AM

personally I liked to be looked after have a drink bought, but when arranging hotels or more expensive things I always offer to split things and happy to if needs be. Things don’t have to be expensive and yes I like being looked after but would hate to rely on the man for everything and prefer to be equal.

2 members like this comment.

Cendrillon - 09 Aug, 2018 - 09:43PM

I have yet to meet one who hasn't favoured an hotel. Keep looking .....

2 members like this comment.

Trainedtongue - 06 Aug, 2018 - 12:49PM

I don't understand that. If and when I finally meet a lady on here. I would expect to meet in a hotel and would definitely be paying for it and drinks and a meal as well! What is wrong with these men!!

22 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 06 Aug, 2018 - 09:34AM

kellysmile - 05 Aug, 2018 - 09:57AM
"sometimes an outside option can be fantastic and naughty."

Naughty in NW - 01 Aug, 2018 - 09:55PM
"also enjoyed the outdoors with a picnic"

Indeed but surely that is a totally different scenario altogether where the couple deliberately choose to be outdoors as that is their "thing" rather than because the man doesn't want to pay for a hotel room!

3 members like this comment.

1252209-Deleted - 05 Aug, 2018 - 09:37PM

Perhaps a bus shelter? Make sure you insist that he brings the sandwiches and blanket though - one must have standards

12 members like this comment.

richard123 - 05 Aug, 2018 - 11:20AM

From my perspective, neither side should be expected to accommodate.

A neutral zone, a hotel, is safest and easiest for both parties.

The idea of doing it on either parties 'home turf', really freaks me out, on so many levels! xx

5 members like this comment.

Temping - 05 Aug, 2018 - 10:31AM

Sexybexy - 02 Aug, 2018 - 07:33AM
"Insist on a luxury hotel, dear, preferably one with a spa..."

Ah that made me smile. I like the way you think!

4 members like this comment.

Temping - 05 Aug, 2018 - 10:28AM

Why anyone even expect to be accommodated is beyond me. I have come across IE men who think that because I am single, I will be inviting them to my home. Really? Think again! An IE life is totally separate from "real" life. A hotel is the best and neutral place for an IE liaison.

6 members like this comment.

kellysmile - 05 Aug, 2018 - 09:57AM

Well - I think you meet and then decide from there..... I think discussing it when you havent met is maybe hard- as people have already said accomadating in your home generally isn’t an option. Yes you don’t want a cheapskate who wants a quickie in the back of a car .....bu then sometimes an outside option can be fantastic and naughty.....some hotels do day rates- I guess its a discussion face to face.

1244855-Deleted - 04 Aug, 2018 - 09:19AM

Having been on this site a couple of times now, it has never once crossed my mind that when considering where we might go to enjoy a sexual liaison, it would be anywhere other than a hotel - agreed upon beforehand - which might be anything from a reasonably modest location, or from time to time, a more luxurious option .Of course on occasions, the great outdoors is good for some spontaneous fun. But whatever and wherever it happens, it should always feel right for both parties and be mutually enjoyable.
Of course I've read profiles which say 'I can accommodate", but I would never dream of meeting anyone from the site in their own home - that's a big 'NO'.
I did communicate with one lady, who in her very first message, asked me where any intimacy would take place.
I jokingly replied that I knew a very secluded spot at the back of my local Lidl supermarket, next to the recycling bins. I didn't receive a reply!!
And did I forget to mention?.......I think a good sense of humour always helps!

11 members like this comment.

I'm real - 04 Aug, 2018 - 12:25AM

I guess you’re speaking to the wrong men.. Chivalry is dead .. however suggest to split the hotel bill i,,,, If they want an expensive hotel remind them of how much u are you worth x

I'm real - 04 Aug, 2018 - 12:25AM

I guess you’re speaking to the wrong men.. Chivalry is dead .. however suggest to split the hotel bill i,,,, If they want an expensive hotel remind them of how much u are you worth x

1 member likes this comment.

dejavu_again - 03 Aug, 2018 - 05:56PM

Before jumping to the conclusion that all men here are cheapskates it may be worthwhile understanding why they don't like the idea of a hotel - it may not just be the cost
Some may not want a hotel charge on their credit card, it leaves a paper trail that is hard to defend if, god forbid, suspicion is aroused. Additionally, there are the logistics of the booking (2pm check-in may not work, how and when do you check-out etc). There are ways and means obviously but perhaps not everyone is experienced (there should perhaps be a thread about how to do this).

Regardless, no-one should ever be expected to accommodate at their own place. You may save a few quid but risks far outweigh the reward.

4 members like this comment.

1238824-Deleted - 03 Aug, 2018 - 04:58PM

Surely a hotel is the only option? There's some great Day-Rates if you can meet during the day. Evenings are a whole lot trickier, particularly in London as hotels are so busy and expensive. One of the golden rules of not getting caught having an IE is to not suddenly change spending habits, which is a bit tricky if you have joint accounts and are splashing out £200-300 on a room that you use in the evening for just a few hours...

I'd discuss it openly, appreciate that whilst someone might seem to be able to afford it, they might not be able to hide it, and I agree with comments already made that if both parties are equals, then both should be prepared to contribute to make it happen...

1118221-Deleted - 03 Aug, 2018 - 01:52PM

Having read Naughty in NW's comment above I now realise that enjoying a nice Fortnum and Mason's Picnic Hamper in a suitable location would be most acceptable...

1 member likes this comment.

1101727-Deleted - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:34AM

If you are going to meet someone - especially for the first time, as a woman I would never ever have a stranger (because no matter what that's pretty much what they are) back to my place. A friend just exited a manipulative relationship and is now at risk of physical harm. If that happens in normal dating, the risk is the same here.

It may feel difficult but stand your ground and insist on a hotel. I recommend DayUse which I saw advertised on the Paris Metro and works in the UK. Split the cost but use a hotel for safety's sake.

And gentlemen please - don't be like that. Offer a hotel even if it is on a split. The back of a car is awful.

4 members like this comment.

1248189-Deleted - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:29AM

I’m a guy and I would always suggest a hotel a nice one mind you because it’s the right thing to do. I wouldn’t expect to go to a lady’s house that out of bounds. So why not suggest it yourself and if the don’t want to they are not worth the time and effort. Move on and find someone nice

1 member likes this comment.

daveuk2014 - 02 Aug, 2018 - 06:35PM

tea_coffee_me_ You are spot on, Pick you man who does it acceptable way to you.

1 member likes this comment.

daveuk2014 - 02 Aug, 2018 - 06:33PM

man with a decent quality will not suggest back seat of a car or public place or lady's bed
It depends one the man I guess

Something Just Like This - 02 Aug, 2018 - 11:57AM

Well I would ask them where they expect it to happen than? Nobody should be expected to accommodate if you are in a relationship, the two worlds should stay apart.

Going to a hotel room is half the fun, it does not have to be expensive, there are cheaper hotels, after all you just need a comfy bed and a shower!! I think it is reasonable to expect to go halves, communication is key before hand. I have in the past had an IE where we took it in turns to book the hotel, I didnt mind.

Also in this hot weather, it can be such fun to have an outdoor sex session with the sun on your back!

1 member likes this comment.

1100197-Deleted - 02 Aug, 2018 - 10:04AM

Ask them where they think the extra happy will happen. If they suggest the car or a field, there's your answer. Thanks but no thanks is your answer . X

8 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 02 Aug, 2018 - 07:33AM

Insist on a luxury hotel, dear, preferably one with a spa...

14 members like this comment.

Naughty in NW - 01 Aug, 2018 - 10:03PM

Part two of my response to this letter as characters are limited to a certain amount......

My ultimate point is that this should be a fun adventure for both. Risks, let's face it there are some, and expenses should ideally be shared so neither party feels taken advantage of or taken for granted. Communication and honesty is the key. So often lacking in our 'primary' relationships, and absolutely crucial for an IE relationship to be successful. Talk, laugh, don't take it too seriously, but equally be firm about what you want and need. Enjoy!!

8 members like this comment.

Naughty in NW - 01 Aug, 2018 - 09:55PM

There is no reason whatsoever why you should feel obliged to accommodate!!!! Why are people even on this site with that expectation? Even if you are, presumably, in an existing relationship and can accommodate your IE partner, it would surely feel weird and inappropriate to enter in to that everyday reality. Surely the idea is to experience anything but the humdrum of your day to day routine or that of your IE's?

I suspect if guys are not prepared to suggest a hotel (even if going halves) then they are not prepared to take it any further. Second thoughts or whatever. Have you asked any of them if they are prepared to accommodate? I think the likelihood would be very slim of them saying yes!I

I have been lucky enough to have enjoyed several relationships which have originated from this site, so I know it can work. I have been wined and dined in five star hotels, gone halves in more modest hotels and also enjoyed the outdoors with a picnic. Cheap as chips and the weather is now conducive 😀.

12 members like this comment.

1235968-Deleted - 01 Aug, 2018 - 07:09PM

Perhaps they are the wrong type of men? Most people couldn’t accommodate so where are they expecting to go?! Back seat of a car is hardly appealing🤣

4 members like this comment.

1250153-Deleted - 01 Aug, 2018 - 06:56PM

Im not sure whether you are suggesting the hotel and they are reluctant to go to a hotel,maybe because they feel they can accommodate and its not needed . ( that is whole other debate around personal safety)
Or are you expecting them to fully fund the cost...
It is a complex one as its rare salaries and available income will match
However it is 2018, we are adults and if we are getting to the bedroom, then i hope we could have discussed these things to agree what either person regardless of gender can financially contribute to the affair....
What do you do
Me, i would be saying how much I can pay lets share cost of a hotel we can both afford and go and have fun as

3 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 01 Aug, 2018 - 05:32PM

If you cannot accommodate and you should be careful of inviting anyone into your home if you do not know them very well!! Then a hotel is the only option.
If the man doesn't want to do that then either they are too tight or they have low standards. Whilst a frolic outside can be fun in this weather, it isn't always that comfortable or allow you the pleasure of relaxing together afterwards without wondering who might be coming down the path! And likewise cars may suit some people but give me a bit of hotel comfort every time.

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 01 Aug, 2018 - 04:00PM

"I cannot accommodate and the men I speak to seem loathe to suggest a hotel."

Did they give a reason why or are they just cheapskates who are looking for a freebie?
Surely it is understood that if they want to have an affair, a hotel room is the only answer unless you want to take the risk in the car or outdoors somewhere!!! If they can't afford to pay for the hotel room, then they should be honest and ask to go halves.

3 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 01 Aug, 2018 - 11:35AM

The people here of both sexes are here for different reasons.

Some are just playing games of various kinds, eg boost ego
Some are here with limited resources, an affair of equals, and need / expect costs to be split.
Some are looking for / to be a mistress with costs covered.

I am the same as you, I cannot accommodate, and even if I could, I would not.
As I am in a busy city, many men are visiting for work and so work often provides a hotel.
I am only looking for those that either work covers a hotel or they are in a financial position to do so.

Yes it limits the possible number of wonderful men that I can meet, (and some have been very nasty about my situation) however that is what you must accept.
Make your position clear, as I have, on your profile and it will hopefully limit conversions to ones with potential for your current situation.

... finding the right person for you, friend, partner, IE lover, none of it is simple as people all have different lives, ideas and situations ...

6 members like this comment.

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