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Letters to Sara

Why did he walk away before we'd even met?

Dear Sara,
Why did he walk away before we'd even met?——

I met him here last year; we exchanged many witty messages, and slowly graduated off site in order to email directly and exchange photos; lots of photos. 
All seemed to be progressing towards a meeting——(he doesn’t live in my town, but comes here on business quite regularly). Then suddenly he went silent, and I didn’t hear from him for well over a year.
He re-surfaced, as chirpy as ever, 10 days ago, and since I was once again unattached, we picked up where we left off. We said we'd meet on his next trip into town, and agreed a spot, at an upper floor venue, where we could be un-observed.
An hour before we’d agreed to meet he texted to say he was on an earlier train, and could I get there sooner?—I couldn’t, (I was too far away, at the time) so he said he'd wait.
As I stepped onto the escalator to go up to our pre arranged venue I saw him, he was standing to one side at the BOTTOM of the escalator. I know he saw me going up, but when I turned and went back down, he’d gone! At the same time he texted “Sorry, I had to go”
I haven’t heard from him since! 
Has anyone else experienced this? Can anyone offer an excuse? — All I feel is incredibly hurt, and worthless.
Blossom 🌺 

10 members like this.

Comments (55)

Magnetic101 - 18 Mar, 2018 - 09:25PM

Dear Blossom

This is so not down to you. I think that there are a lot of men on here who like the idea of an affair but when it comes to meeting someone they get cold feet.

Having said that, this individual was just plain rude. If you agree to meet someone you should not stand them up. You certainly should not turn up and then walk away with out saying anything at all.

Sorry that this guy left you feeling low. Hope you find the someone genuine who makes your world light up every time you see him.

5 members like this comment.

Letty 251 - 17 Mar, 2018 - 01:22AM

Maybe his conscience got the better of him? If he was married, as I am sure you will know there are some divorced or separated here, his wife may have suspected or discovered that he was shall we say 'playing away from home' . Most guys don't want to rock the home boat so that could be why he stopped previously and then actually getting up the courage to 'try again' he just couldn't go through with it albeit a very late stage in the arrangements.
Don't give up there are some great guys here who for genuine reasons really do want to meet up so do try again. I wish you the luck of the Irish, it being St Patrick's Day, and hope he will deliver for you. Best wishes Letty

littlemissnursey - 16 Mar, 2018 - 09:57PM

I had similar thing. Texted umpteen times a day, spoke on phone. Sent loads of pics and got on really well. We’d arranged to meet. He was lovely and seemed so genuine. However two days before we met Mid text conversation about how much we were both looking forward to it he disappeared!!

What’s peeved me is the cowardly act of not telling me why? Rejection hurts anyways but if rather know why!

1 member likes this comment.

hopeful297 - 14 Mar, 2018 - 07:10PM

So we agreed to exchange passwords ! Then blocked me BEFORE SHE READ IT ??

Feetsforward - 12 Mar, 2018 - 09:44PM

Happens all the time. People with no intention to meet, just want to enjoy the flattery and attention of chat but aren't honest enough to admit to themselves or you that this is as far as it will go.

It could be worse - you could just be stood up with no messages after.

1 member likes this comment.

ranjeet - 11 Mar, 2018 - 10:23AM

Not worth the hurt my dear ..move on plenty on here to chose from xx

1126326-Deleted - 09 Mar, 2018 - 08:29PM

That must have left you feeling a little low and embarrassed but chalk it up to experience. You're probably better off not meeting the weirdo.

As for the snide 'perfect mistress material ' sort, ha ha! Have another glass of wine and get a life!

1 member likes this comment.

1202441-Deleted - 08 Mar, 2018 - 08:32PM

Could it be you don't resemble your photo ?

I met some one who was 46 in her profile and pics, when we met she was more like 64 and that is being generous.

I suppose I was too polite and had a coffee and a chat for 45 minutes. But I suspect a lot of guys would have just walked away.

Not implying the same, but for a guy to actually be in situ at the time and place you arranged, I would suggest his actions were of his own making.

Classy but fun - 07 Mar, 2018 - 10:06AM

Cherrylips, what a vile man. What have you lost ? . Nothing x

Cherrylips67 - 05 Mar, 2018 - 10:21AM

Hi Blossom

I have had a similar experience. We too had many conversations, sent pics and seemed to be onto a winner. We had arranged to meet up in a pub between our two locations. He messaged to say he had arrived and I went in eagerly to meet him..I saw him stood at the bar and I said his name. He ignored me. He knew it was me but stood erect and blanked me. I said his name again feeling totally embarrassed as the barman looked at him and me. He said "no sorry you must have me mixed up..and walked off. I never heard from.him again. All i could do was laugh and go home feeling very upset and totally ugly. A lesson learnt..and his loss. Blossom some men are shallow and fake but a lovely man WILL be out there if this is what you desire. Good luck x

11 members like this comment.

M1o1xxx - 04 Mar, 2018 - 09:30AM

Hi Blossom please do not think that his behaviour is about you, we are all adults and accountable for our actions.

A first meet can be quite nerve wrecking and to be honest a lot of people can communicate quite effectively behind a keyboard but struggle in these situations face to face. This site is about consenting adults and even though some people might feel it is what they want, the reality is there is no turning back once you have crossed the line.

However you seem like a nice person I really wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a third disappointment for yourself, there are too many genuine people to share times with on here and to be honest. He really doesn't sound like he deserves your time or energy xx

Set yourself clear goals and look for someone that can help you to meet them x It should be recipricol and most importantly fun so stay away from his or your neighbourhood unless you fancy bumping into someone you know.

Otherwise it's one more thing to worry about. M1o1xxx

3 members like this comment.

perfect mistress material - 03 Mar, 2018 - 02:23PM

He was not that into you obvs

PenelopePitstop - 02 Mar, 2018 - 01:51PM

I'm so sorry you were hurt like that, you seem lovely and genuine. Please don't let it deter you. You are the better person for sure, and I promise you most men are not like that . X

3 members like this comment.

Amoure01 - 01 Mar, 2018 - 11:41PM

He doesn`t deserve you Blossom.

1 member likes this comment.

Rivieragirl - 01 Mar, 2018 - 08:37PM

That’s super mean and cowardly. You deserve better. Any person would. Consider it a luck escape!

1 member likes this comment.

usdancer - 01 Mar, 2018 - 01:24AM

Because we are all twirling around here on this virtual dancefloor, there is a real danger of letting our imaginations carry us away -- often in the wrong direction. The real world is actualy out there -- when you are meeting someone -- not here. Plus, it is very easy for someone to have an online personality that is completely different to who they really are. I expect that is what happened here. You had such a great image of this guy but only through only emails. And maybe there was some wishful thinking going on too. Combine that with a guy whose online persona is a complete fake. Whatever you might have thought of him beforehand, there is no doubt that he is and always was an absolute scumbag. There is no excuse for his behaviour. He is a horrible person -- flat out . You had a lucky escape. So you pick yourself up and continue the search. For a genuinely good (sexy) guy -- who is worthy of you. It takes time. And remember, reserve all judgement until you meet face to face!

3 members like this comment.

Fit man - 28 Feb, 2018 - 10:04PM

Secret wish...."Would you have preferred if he met you, took you to bed, then totally blanked you"

Bit callous?!
Perhaps she would have appreciated a quick chat over a coffee and some honesty......wouldn't have killed him surely? Sadly his attitude sums up all that i dislike about ie.

5 members like this comment.

amber57 - 26 Feb, 2018 - 02:08PM

So sorry , for that , sometimes you can get on with some one like house on fire through phone, but not in person! its sad that you been that close but got rejected , we all have fantasies how the person will look when we actuel meet, maybe , you was not as he expected or got cold feet , we all think different, but it would have had been nice at least to say Hi.
there a plenty of good guys on here , forget, or write and ask why?
i had a date once , gone all the way to london got stood up. yes its not nice , but its a lesson , when u meet , meet in a public place , so if your date do not show up , u still have or can have a good relaxing time for urself,
good luck in your future search , and go easy with the pictures, only when u sure you have a proper affear , than think about.

1 member likes this comment.

secret.wish - 25 Feb, 2018 - 07:08AM

Would you have preferred if he met you, took you to bed, then totally blanked you.. ?

7 members like this comment.

1191412-Deleted - 24 Feb, 2018 - 03:59PM

Apologies blossom; that is the norm(al reaction) here: run away, either as in yr case, after 1 meet and when in the venue on a 2nd meet, or after 6 meets [that's called f&run I learned] when confronted with their own failure; in all cases to immature or sex-obsessed to be civil. all apparently normal people, responsible jobs etc but this environment gives them the power to do so and they take it. iexit. get over it or leave. says someone who does not find the former easy and is more off than online here as a consequence. I have thrown in some obstacles and nobody passed yet. so be it. but i sincerely hope you can shake it off rapidly and feel for you. ta.

1 member likes this comment.

984721-Deleted - 24 Feb, 2018 - 09:42AM

lucky escape from someone who is rude heartless and immature .
We have all met people we don't fancy - but at least we follow through with the coffee ...how very unkind & cruel of him
Good luck with next meet x

4 members like this comment.

Kassandra111 - 23 Feb, 2018 - 03:44PM

Don't over think this, you really didn't want to get involved with this guy, he's an obvious ass! There are nicer men around who will treat you how you deserve to be treated x

3 members like this comment.

stevebe500 - 23 Feb, 2018 - 12:36PM

An illicit affaire does call for clear thinking and explicit communication.

Testing water/considering options etc... is fine as long as you understand what you are doing yourself and those who you are dealing with are made fully conversant with the fact. If you think you have found someone with whom you have an affinity it should follow that it is likely that they have the same priorities and reservations as yourself. Put yourself in their shoes and, if you have had a change of heart, at least show up to explain your rationale; who knows you may find a different way forward that works for both of you.

Harlot73 - 22 Feb, 2018 - 08:29PM

What a gobshite.

9 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 22 Feb, 2018 - 12:52PM

Which ever way you look at it the only reason is that he has no balls!!!

Most of us will have had an occasion (or several) when we don't tick the box of the other person or we don't fancy them. But the least one can do is meet. So maybe he decided you weren't for him but was too gutless to decline nicely.

And maybe he just didn't have balls to go through with it when he found he was going to meet a real person..

Either way - be strong and remember it is his loss!

10 members like this comment.

repeat offender - 20 Feb, 2018 - 08:58AM

Hes a prick....clearly he meet someone other than you before you met that went wrong, so back to messaging you. If you look like your pic then you should not of been a disappointment( if you do you sure are not like the guys ive meet, pics are a joke and should be taken with a pinch of salt)that said you have to chat to see if there is something about them that gets the mind and heart racing, if he is too shallow to know that , he is no loss.

1 member likes this comment.

Paoloishere - 20 Feb, 2018 - 02:25AM

what a whimp ! That the first words that come to mind. Secondly I find that selfish and disrespectful. You are still a human being and even if you didn't click you could still have had a cordial drink and a laugh. Don't worry his turn will come.

1 member likes this comment.

Fit man - 19 Feb, 2018 - 11:55PM

Dont waste your time trying to find an excuse for that twat!!
Just count yourself lucky he showed you his true scumbag colours on the escalator before things could have gone any further.....you have to take the rough with the smooth on this place....but the smooth is good and hopefully you find it x

9 members like this comment.

Teekey69 - 17 Feb, 2018 - 11:56PM

There are people out there that get their kicks out of the chase, I guess for him the chase was done as the meet became real, clearly a heartless idiot!

2 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 17 Feb, 2018 - 11:41PM

He obviously either didn't like you or he is a complete cowardly twonk.

2 members like this comment.

TallSlim - 17 Feb, 2018 - 10:28AM

It is sad but I don't even understand why you started chatting to him again 1 year after he was rude enough to disappear from your life without even an explanation. Where is your pride?

There is no way I would have given him a second chance!

4 members like this comment.

Redlips5 - 17 Feb, 2018 - 08:25AM


What a DICK. The only person that is worthless is him. Just move on. Never stick to one guy especially as there are so many yummy men on this site.

2 members like this comment.

Rustiqe plaisir - 16 Feb, 2018 - 09:20PM

It’s simple. You picked the wrong bloke. He’s a loser with no manners or proper mode of behaviour.
Move on and find someone else.

Gawain749 - 16 Feb, 2018 - 06:50PM

OMG - that is really awful. As a bloke I despair of my sex at times! You do not say how old he was; I think sometimes that has a lot to do with behaviour. It was certainly brave of you to start again. But, I agree with others, it is not your fault and your 'worth' has not changed one iota as a result of this. If I could do so, you'd have hugs and a shoulder at the very least from me!

2 members like this comment.

ainberks - 16 Feb, 2018 - 09:24AM

The fact he was there suggests that he had every intention of meeting. What changed his mind at the last minute is anyone's guess.

If it was a genuine emergency then that is fair enough, but he has had time by now to get back to you to explain what it was.

If he got cold feet, well that's kind of understandable too. If this was his first meeting then it's a big step to take, even for us men. Given that he does business in the town maybe he was worried that someone he knew might see him. Understandable, but no excuse for not being in touch.

I suspect he chickened out either through guilt or nervousness about being recognised. The fact that he asked if you could get there earlier makes me feel he was worried about an alibi or being home inexplicably later than expected.

You have every right to feel hurt, but don't feel worthless on the account of this one man's behaviour. He has no respect for other people. Avoid. He's gone AWOL twice now and doesn't deserve a third chance.

JessicaRabbit114 - 16 Feb, 2018 - 12:52AM

He’s a loser..coward..move on honey. There are a few on here...wedged in between the keepers.

Lifes2Short25 - 15 Feb, 2018 - 11:58PM

How awful for you and what a coward he sounds!
My elderly father told me about a friend he had back in the 30’s who was a real ‘ladies man’. He would arrange a date with a girl ( a term commonly used then!)and tell them to wait outside a particular shop/ train station etc at 7pm. He would then jump on a trolley bus ( in London)and check to see if the girl was waiting there for him and laugh when they drove past knowing the girl hadn’t seen him!! He got a kick out of seeing them all waiting for him when he had no intentions whatsoever in ever meeting them for a date!
Perhaps the letter writers ‘meet’ was the modern day version of this sort of character!?

2 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 15 Feb, 2018 - 09:27PM

Oh how sad, I feel so sorry for you that you'd gone to so much effort and looking forward to a nice evening and he couldn't wait for you

Lilit - 15 Feb, 2018 - 02:59AM

Block everyone who suddenly dissapered for more than a week... They are all time wasters one way or the other...

1 member likes this comment.

ishmael123 - 14 Feb, 2018 - 02:34PM

A question of perspective: an alternative take...

He'd always known you were out of his league; a confident and sexually alluring woman who knows her own mind. He never could believe his luck, given that his own inadequacies between the sheets had led to many disappointed parties over the years. However, he just couldn't resist you and therefore, against his better judgement, the allure and idea of you was irresistible.

Knowing that he was not worthy and was unlikely to meet your expectations or satisfy you, when it came to the crunch, he simply turned and ran.

So, in the final analysis, who's loss is it?

Eyesspark - 14 Feb, 2018 - 02:22PM


Sounds like the disappearance for a year could be down to any one of a number of things. Perhaps his sex life picked up at home, perhaps he had met someone else on the site during that time and it came to a natural finish.
I think his actions of ignoring you in person are quite inexcusable though. Bad manners at the least and a total lack of appreciation of your feelings.
Obviously do persue someone else and assign the old flame to the bin marked 'experience'. Cut him out now to save a bunch of detours, heartbreak and ending up in the same place anyway.
Good luck on your adventures!

Cristalclear - 14 Feb, 2018 - 02:08PM

One or two catty remarks here , more than likely he realised he was punching above his weight !!! .be thankful he did do one , you had the lucky escape . and your worth lots

s_bennett33 - 14 Feb, 2018 - 10:31AM

I'm SO sorry for OP. As everyone has said, the problem is HIS, not YOURS, but I realise that it may not feel like that just now. You badly need a cuddle and re-assurance from someone you trust...other same-sex friends, relatives, whoever.. Just get him out of your mind once and for all.
I very much hope that other worthier partners will appear for you.. It's a pity that the identity of the OP is hidden though that of subsequent posters is not, as otherwise you might have inspired a surge of interest and support as a direct result of your letter.
Good luck...

1140830-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2018 - 06:55AM

Well whichever way we look at this, what we see is a phenomenal amount of emotional immaturity. I also have to confess I am never impressed by a man who lacks courage.

This has very little to do with you. You may be surprised to hear this but it's all to do with whatever is going on in his head and in his life.

He may be one of those men who is absolutely overwhelmed by guilt, then his desire surfaces, he re contacts you, then feels guilty.

My advice FWIW is to steer clear despite your great need to meet him. He is an emotional hand grenade and you deserve better.

Please please stop feeling undermined by this business, his lack of ability to come up with the goods is to do with his own issues and insecurities and nothing to do with how you look or anything of that nature.

Stay strong and give him a wide berth and plesse give him the piece of your mind he so richly deserves. Do you think you deserve his treatment of you? I don't know you but I think not.

Good luck in finding someone decen

29 members like this comment.

1199640-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2018 - 12:08AM

It is called ghosting - he just wants the ego boost of seeing if you would turn up after a year away - my advice would be steer well clear of him if he is too scared to actually turn up and meet you.

17 members like this comment.

sandy222 - 13 Feb, 2018 - 08:36PM

Perhaps he got cold feet ??? Personally I would not have given him a second chance after an absence of a year,. Find someone more reliable.

8 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 13 Feb, 2018 - 03:12PM

Awww I am so sorry that has happened to you.
I can only think that he might have got cold feet or he didn't like what he was seeing. You must have felt absolutely heartbroken. Keep your chin up and keep searching. You never know your Prince Charming might be just around the corner.

2 members like this comment.

Anatano koi hito - 13 Feb, 2018 - 03:09PM

There are a whole variety of reasons for this behaviour which is quite frankly inexcusable.
Cold feet is perhaps the most obvious answer which can happen at the last minute particularly if there is an element of guilt involved.
Perhaps reality hit and he just could move from conceptual to reality also understandable
It may be that whilst he found you attractive in photographs, when he saw you in the flesh he felt differently.
Maybe there is no real answer and he just could not go through with it....

2 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 13 Feb, 2018 - 02:14PM

Can anyone explain another human being's behaviour when they don't communicate the reasons themselves? Probably not. All I can tell from this is that here is a man who indulges in 'the silent treatment' rather than taking responsibility for their actions. There are plenty of this ilk on IE. All we can do is act as survivors and not victims to them and their psychological abuse (for that's what it is). You say he didn't contact you for a year. Did you contact him? You had a right to know what was going on. If you did, and he didn't reply, you should not have let him back into your life so easily. When he returned you should have refused to have taken up with him again until he apologised and explained himself. As it is he clearly had you down as someone he could treat as a doormat: a thing rather than a person. Who knows what was going on in his mind when he walked away.. His behaviour does not mean you are worthless; it means he is a sociopath. You only need to guard against his sort in future.

9 members like this comment.

Venus2017 - 13 Feb, 2018 - 01:34PM

Here's some possibilities:

1. He got cold feet at last moment. He enjoyed talking to you because he liked the attention, but meeting made him suddenly realize about eventual consequences. (Would fit in the disappearing for one year act)

2. He didn't like what he saw. (He had different expectations on how you look)

3. A real emergency came up and has kept him occupied since. (But 5 minutes to message can always been found)

But all of those are not excuses, a gentleman would not have treated you this way, so: You've dodged a bullet here!

(Plus; it says nothing about YOUR worth, but everything about his!) ;-)

2 members like this comment.

Teicu - 13 Feb, 2018 - 11:30AM

He’s a player. A fantasist who like the idea of an affair but can’t actually do the reality.

12 members like this comment.

FLEUR16 - 13 Feb, 2018 - 09:42AM

Oh bless you that’s really cruel of him indeed
I had a date bail on me two minutes in said he had an important phone call he had to take and walked out never to be seen again!!

5 members like this comment.

lustful secret - 13 Feb, 2018 - 07:55AM

Whatever happened, don't ever feel worthless.
This is actually a case where it wasn't you, it was definitely him, no shred of respect or regard.
Most important of all, if you are looking for someone here, don't shut yourself from looking because of your experience. Just shut him off, as much as you want answers, they probably be lies, just burn that page it won't help you anyways.

Ps: I feel your pain

3 members like this comment.

1191975-Deleted - 13 Feb, 2018 - 04:33AM

All i can think is that if this is the first time he’s ever seen you, for whatever reason and only he knows why, he didn’t like the look of you. He hid away somewhere where he could view you and just disappeared. Maybe he’s married and got cold feet but we are all supposed to be married or living together on the site. I think you have been treated in an appalling way. It would seem as though despite all your happy chats and messages at first he must have chosen someone else. I would imagine whatever he had fell through recently so he got back in touch recently, he cant have felt that much for you can he. He was there but walked away like a coward. You deserve an explanation but are unlikely to ever get one.

2 members like this comment.

E. Edward Grey - 13 Feb, 2018 - 01:56AM

Sounds like he's got no respect for anybody else and is just playing his own selfish games. To disappear for over a year then just reappear suggests he was with somebody else? To then do what he did tells you all you need to know. He's not worthy of your time and effort. Don't blame yourself, it's his problem. It's hurtful but you will have to put it behind you and move on.

9 members like this comment.

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