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Letters


Letters to Sara

What your lover isn't saying to you

For those of us ladies with a bit of class and sass, getting ready for an
encounter is an expensive "affair". You start with the grooming. Most of
us would feel uneasy if our nails were a little shabby. I always make sure
mine manicured and go for a pedicure every month. The minimum I pay is £65
for both. Then there is the hair down there. I had a lover once who
insisted I was waxed and smooth down there. This was a Hollywood wax so
that cost £30 at the very least. Whether its a social drink or a first romp
in bed, I always shower thoroughly and use some nice scented shower gel,
body scrub and moisturise. The first two are usually the same brand/scent
as my perfume so the scents won't clash plus it will layer it so it will
last longer on the skin.

Most guys ask or actually, demand sexy lingerie. Well that is another £100
plus to add to my budget. The thing is if you are seeing someone regularly,
you almost nearly have to have a number of sets to wear and most lingerie
tend to look tired after a couple of washes. I am not sure if my husband
was trying to sabotage my illicit activities but he put my pure white bra
and knickers into the normal wash so it looks grey and slightly fraying at
the sides after only 3 wears. So you need at least 5-8 sets which is eye
wateringly expensive. My normal wear is from M&S and I normally wear nice
but boring stuff that is long lasting and have a small number of nice ones
for special occasions like going out. I can't have too many as I simply
can't afford it as I am self employed and every penny goes back to the
business. How do you let your potential suitor that you do like good
quality lingerie but can't afford it?

So you see its already looking expensive. £100 for lingerie, £65 for nails,
£30 for wax and then perfumes which cost £50 plus. I am sure you've been in
a pub or bar and seen an attractive girl but then approach her and the
stink of cheap, tacky and pungent perfume takes over your senses. I am sure
you would "tap that" but if you are a classy guy and appreciate good smells
like I do, it would be a huge put off.
A nice puff of Dior in the right places will advantageous at the right
time, don't you think?

Then there is transport and expenses. I used to see someone in London so I
would spend over £20 each time to get in plus he had this thing about
paying for the reasonably priced hotel room but not paying for any food or
drink. He did at the first two times but then it became awkward as he would
find different ways to suggest I pay for the room service wine. So as I
can't afford to be spending on room service wine which is 3 x the normal
price of supermarkets, I would pick up wine and snacks or even lunch. This
was another £40 plus. The room he usually went for went from £50 to £80 on
day use rates. This is a drop in the ocean for someone on £100k but I was
more on £10k after I paid off my expenses on my business. I tried to let
him know of my financial situation without sounding like I was expecting
him to support me or be needy. I didn't want any of that but some food and
drink whilst making love would have been thoughtful.Anyway this is not
about him!

And what about the guys? I have met guys for social drinks who turned up in
a crumpled shirt, shorts, one admitted he hadn't had a shower, another had
food stuck in his teeth, uncombed hair, one had one piece of hair growing
at the top of his nose, body odour and very few seem to know what a Eau de
Cologne is. Several admitted that they just had a shower to prepare for
sex, and some would come without even thinking of freshening up or brushing
their teeth (after work).

Imagine a woman who comes to meet you with uncombed hair, food in her
teeth, without a shower and wearing some old shabby thing. I can just hear
the grumbles and the men running away. I always carry feminine wipes if I
am going to see a guy (not that I have many meets!) because I want to be
confident that I smell and taste good. I wonder how many guys actually make
the effort to make sure their penis is clean and smells good for oral sex?
I have refused many a times to taste a smelly cock much to the
disappointment of its owner.

So I do hope this has given you a brief insight into what goes on before
your beautiful lady walks into your hotel room and will encourage you to
make an effort too. I have also shared somethings which I feel very
difficult to say to the men e.g costs etc. Be considered, kind and
thoughtful and you may have a very devoted lover.

68 members like this.

Comments (64)

1227781-Deleted - 01 May, 2018 - 03:16PM

That's how i knew my last fling was coming to an end. He stopped making an effort. Would wear scruffy clothes etc and the last time we met hadn't even cleaned his teeth! If he had have been like that in the beginning it wouldn't have lasted very long at all. Personally I wouldn't spend that amount of money on trying to look good for a guy. If a guy is demanding you spend 100 quid on underwear then have him wear it!

1 member likes this comment.

DoraCampion - 12 Apr, 2018 - 02:45PM

Lordy me , lady . there's no Way I d do all that for a man , unless I Really wanted to , had loads of time and money on my hands , and was completely happy to do so . And if I met a man and he smelled or didn't look like he' d made some effort , I'd be out of there in a Flash . !
Be choosy , and value yourself : )

2 members like this comment.

Liberty7 - 06 Apr, 2018 - 11:29AM

Further to my earlier comment and on the perfume/aftershave front then a suggestion for both men and women. Nothing heavy and each should complement the other. Maybe even choosing something unisex. Several houses have delicious scents.

Either that or enjoy whatever scent your partner wears but shower and hair wash after (as well as before) your assignation so as to arrive home without a hint. Remember surveys have established that women have higher levels of olfactory functioning than men

As an aside a classic scent – very heavy and long lasting – was almost the undoing of me in the past – but that's another story – lol :)

captain883 - 03 Apr, 2018 - 12:47PM

Personal grooming is not about being a peacock it is more about showing your new date (or lover) that you have made an effort.

Being taken for grated is being regularly greeted with sloppy old clothes and untidy hair - as you have probably had enough of that back at home it is hardly rocket science that both male and female appreciate a change of approach when using IE.

Liberty7 - 29 Mar, 2018 - 09:53AM

Insightful comment here from a clearly lovely lady about the time, trouble and expense that she takes in contrast to that so often not taken by men. This should be headed by the guys who just don't get what an affair is all about.

So guys take note and where necessary up your game. This is more than just getting it up!

And remember, particularly for those over 40 your nose and ears. Nothing more likely the cool a lady's passion than sprouty hair. And feet too – clean of course - but neat toenails and no hard skin. Clean plus smelling and feeling good should be the watch-word at all times.

You should aim to be every inch a gentleman which also means the whole hygiene thing. Can't believe that some men don't use hygiene wipes at all times but showing up for an assignation without due care and attention is a no no and the sure route to a cooling of ardour so don't be surprised.

An affair is fabulous but to enjoy to the max requires effort, thoughtfulness and mutual respect.

More to say but 1024

4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 29 Mar, 2018 - 08:52AM

susan104 - 17 Mar, 2018 - 03:58PM

"I'm reading this letter and thinking what the hell my nails are always nice I always wear nice underwear and I always smell nice I do all these things wither I have a man or not to make myself feel good"

Absolutely! :-)

2 members like this comment.

abiman - 28 Mar, 2018 - 07:28PM

Sorry, but I think it's highly considerate of the other party NOT to turn up smelling of strong perfume... in fact not to smell of anything that can linger on the other person's clothes, hair or body. It's bad enough coming back smelling of smoke when you're a non-smoker... coming back smelling of inappropriate perfume (mans/womans/not your usual) is just asking for the illicit to become more public than is desirable.

Clean, unscented and with an unscented soap is only polite. I can't believe anyone would turn up as dirty as you claim unless it's defence against your strong added smells.

And worrying about every pound just makes you seem... someone who may be better off renting a gigolo. Sorry, just my opinion.

1 member likes this comment.

Everard_😉 - 26 Mar, 2018 - 04:10PM

How do you explain all this to your husband?
As much as I find a perfume irresistible, like tobacco smell, it lingers. you cannot wear it on an illicit date, it clings. The excuse of sitting next to a nice lady on the train wears thin after a while. Especially when you take the car.

4 members like this comment.

1183224-Deleted - 22 Mar, 2018 - 11:04AM

Too many people on the site are placing too much importance on how much money they are spending on preparing for dates etc.
The truth is though, that due to the nature of why we're here and what we're doing, it's likely that we're all going to be spending a bit more than we would otherwise do, if we weren't having an illicit relationship

Naturally we all want to be at our best when meeting someone, and if that involves spending a little extra to make a good impression, then so be it.
But if someone doesn't like you for who you are, rather than who they would like you to be, then it's probably not worth the effort anyway.

And as for personal hygiene - should you even have to ask?

1 member likes this comment.

1197027-Deleted - 20 Mar, 2018 - 11:08PM

I'm not sure I believe much of this this.

Who's it written for - the writer or the people the writer imagines are paying any attention?

1 member likes this comment.

Magnetic101 - 18 Mar, 2018 - 10:03PM

Sounds like there are a lot of men on here letting the side down. To all the soap dodgers out there may I offer a few tips. A shower a day isn't luxury living. Maintaining your nails should be a routine , not something you think about because you have a date. If you have a date and you will be going straight from work how difficult is it to carry a comb, a toothbrush, a travel size tube of tooth paste and a small bottle of aftershave in your bag and make an effort to freshen up before you leave work. If your shirt is that crumpled at the end of the working day I have to wonder if it was ironed before you left the house that morning, and to all you guys who wear shirts professing that they do not need ironing NO, trust me they still need ironing.
The ladies make an effort , the least they deserve is that we do too and it really isn't that hard.
Finally, if you like to see your lady in sexy lingerie try buying some for her once in a while.
Dismounting from high horse.

9 members like this comment.

susan104 - 17 Mar, 2018 - 03:58PM

I'm reading this letter and thinking what the hell my nails are always nice I always wear nice underwear and I always smell nice I do all these things wither I have a man or not to make myself feel good and I'm not particularly well of I wouldn't expect a lover to pay for all these things if he bought me a wee treat now and again that would be lovely but if not then it wouldn't worry me as I would be doing all these things for myself anyway lol xx

5 members like this comment.

LJ1984 - 06 Mar, 2018 - 09:40PM

I totally agree in relation to smelling nice and hygiene. Honest I once met someone who smelled like wet dog.....the coffee lasted 5 mins. Maybe it's just me....I.dont do smells.

1 member likes this comment.

perfect mistress material - 03 Mar, 2018 - 02:31PM

You sound rather desperate and far too willing to please dear , what do you actually get out of this ? Men should pay attention to their undies agree on that no shapeless baggy ones wanted

2 members like this comment.

Something Just Like This - 24 Feb, 2018 - 10:53AM

It sounds to me like you are doing all this stuff for yourself and not for him. If you were a high class hooker and the man was paying for it then he would expect all this. But im sure you are not, you are looking for a Illicit encounter, a special person, like the vast majority of people on here. It should not matter what you wear, I always look smart casual and wear sexy lingerie but you do not need to pay a fortune for it. To me it is more about a meeting of minds and a joint desire of each other. Good luck to you though, I hope you get what you need.

7 members like this comment.

MysticalSunlight47 - 20 Feb, 2018 - 11:10AM

I was interested in this letter. Perhaps I'm very scruffy and shabby in my outlook, as this kind of stuff is not what I'd do to go and perhaps meet somebody who may or may not turn up, for a coffee at lunchtime, which is the only time most folk seem to get now. Smart and well groomed, yes, I try to be, but this seems all way over the top...or perhaps I am the odd one out on the site...

I am not sure about the "tasting smelly cocks" comment, near the end of the letter. How unpleasant! I know this is an adult website but that seemed a bit OTT really... It made me laugh out loud, in fact, but also put me off the lunchtime sarnie I'd packed today! I was even a bit alarmed that somebody would be undertaking such an activity on a first meeting, even in this free society in which we live! Perhaps some folk do such things, its a mystery to me.....!

But all the best to the writer of the letter....I hope you enjoy the website and you find a non-smelly chap!

9 members like this comment.

Gently Does It - 18 Feb, 2018 - 11:24PM

Very surprised about some of the points raised by ladies here. I would go to her to meet and if that was halfway I'd pay for her travel. I would definitely pay for dinner, hotel, drinks, theatre, lingerie and pretty much everything. Rather shocked that I may be in a minority!

11 members like this comment.

Beachhutkatie101 - 18 Feb, 2018 - 07:43PM

"I had a lover once who
insisted I was waxed and smooth down there. This was a Hollywood wax so
that cost £30 at the very least. " "Most guys ask or actually, demand sexy lingerie".......Germaine Greer, Simone De Beauvoir, Naomi Wolf, Betty Freidan....please for the love of god pick up a feminist book. Why would you permit a man to dictate what you do with your pubic hair or feel compelled to spunk excessive amounts of money on nails etc? . Next time wear big grey apple-catcher pants and don't both shaving your legs. It'll really make no difference as if a man truly wants you it's because of your mind, the sizzle of attraction, and he won't give a hoot what you're wearing. If a man is insistent that you're hairless like a child and wear particular lingerie then he has a paraphilia and should be given a wide berth.

12 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 17 Feb, 2018 - 11:39PM

Unfortunately a man can appear clean until you get close. One time I nearly passed out from the fumes of his smegma encrusted cock. I bought him soaps and a body scrubber but he didn't take the hint :( When men say they're clean they mean they've just splashed on aftershave. I work with lots of guys in a office and believe me youccan tell some don' t wash lol

1 member likes this comment.

santascoming! - 13 Feb, 2018 - 07:16PM

If I guy insists on certain underwear I would oblige- but I certainly wouldn't be buying it. He would!!

10 members like this comment.

PAWS44 - 13 Feb, 2018 - 07:07PM

MEN! What are you doing to me!! Seriously though not all men! I for one think its important to be clean and well dressed. I'm talking a shower, clean clothes, a nice aftershave and certainly clean teeth. AND I don't mean when you first meet someone - I mean every time - there is no excuse. No body needs to spend a fortune these days and I appreciate some things are more important for a woman. But please guys do ME a favour...

No Nude pictures
Be clean and hygenic
Smell good
Dress well
Be polite
and smile
or every man will be tarnished with the same brush

oh one last thing - don't bother lying about your age / height / hair / teeth etc etc - as soon as you meet she will find out. Yes this site is about having affairs but a little honour amongst thieves still applies!

18 members like this comment.

jasmine757 - 13 Feb, 2018 - 02:43PM

she bought into the old fashioned idea of an affair which is nice but not practical....

I wouldn't tolerate a poorly groomed man, it just isn't worth it.

Be choosey ladies.

3 members like this comment.

Zyphod - 12 Feb, 2018 - 11:48AM

There are few scenarios where we get the chance to spend ages getting ready for a date without raising suspicion especially for us men.
If your excuse is, "going out with the boys", how often do us men spend ages getting ready?
If it is for a lunchtime date, most often than not we will be taking a long lunch from work, likewise after work. If you work in a suit fine, but if not, then there is not much you can do.
About the only time we'll have a chance to dress to impress is when a hotel is already booked, i.e. travelling with work.
Women on the other hand often dress up when going out with the girls.
Just set the expectation before the date.

2 members like this comment.

Annaverylondon - 11 Feb, 2018 - 11:04PM

I agree it's nice to dress up a bit and look nice for an IE meet but hey ho this is possible without spending lots of money. Buy yourself a manicure kit and do it yourself (gel schellac uv lamp is paid off straight away). Same goes with trimming hair, do it yourself! A pack of hair removal costs £4.40 and lasts several times.

As to why you end up meeting men who "arrive with uncombed hair, food in her
teeth, without a shower and wearing some old shabby thing" must be down your own bad choice.

And last, since you have those fresh wipes, why not use them on the gentlemens' parts too?

4 members like this comment.

whiterose61 - 11 Feb, 2018 - 09:47PM

You don't know what you want .. you complain when they haven't showered and when they have ? Then you say you have refused Oral sex because they haven't showered ?
If you are going to be intimate with someone why can you not talk finances? .I like to pay my way but don't want to make him feel emasculated either and if I haven't the money spare to do something I will say . It's not difficult ...
If a man doesn't like you for you ( or vice versa ) and demands you to change then honestly he is not worth knowing .

2 members like this comment.

WorshipHer - 11 Feb, 2018 - 10:19AM

I love it when I know a woman has made an effort for me, but I never expect expensive things. A woman can look sexy in clothes from Primark - it is about what makes her feel sexy. Similarly, I try to dress well when I meet someone, but that is respect not a monetary requirement.
It sounds like the author of this letter needs to be much more open about her financial constraints - I expect most men would understand, and those that don't are probably best passed by.

5 members like this comment.

TheCat05 - 10 Feb, 2018 - 10:12PM

Just be you just saying works for me

1 member likes this comment.

Classy but fun - 10 Feb, 2018 - 02:20PM

Most men don't know the difference between cheap and expensive perfume, so don't kid yourself , they would tap a beautiful girl even if she smelt of impulse !. you seem to be having more fun preparing than the actual date . nothing wrong with that either though . And you do know its not a requirement to test the goods on a first date, and do take this in fun as its intended far too many claiming to have a sense of humour here, and forgetting it xxx

4 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 09 Feb, 2018 - 04:23PM

Some women may easily smell down there for many different reasons, such as hormonal imbalances, BV and even because of excessive hygiene from products that clash with our natural ph. Oh dear, what am I talking about! But my point is- I don't think men have this kind of excuse, so hygiene is essential.

1 member likes this comment.

Rosie06 - 09 Feb, 2018 - 01:28PM

Sheesh I wouldn't be spending that much on meeting with a guy, which may or may not end up in a bedroom.
For that money I'd hire a guy for 2 or 3 hours and ensure that I had some fun and frolics.
Come on Lady get with the programme here.

7 members like this comment.

sunandmoon - 08 Feb, 2018 - 10:22PM

Just get a vibrator.

12 members like this comment.

Organic Basket of Plums - 08 Feb, 2018 - 07:56PM

So dislike this letter

Had no idea that undertaking an affair was akin to sitting an accountancy examination.

13 members like this comment.

paladin - 08 Feb, 2018 - 07:37PM

I have always believed that women dress up to impress other women, and undress to impress a man. I don't expect a date through this site to make huge efforts to dress up as that could well alert her husband or other members of the family. All I ask is for her to be physically clean and smell fresh, as I do. After all, we are not going to waste time parading fashions when we are somewhere private, we have much better things to do to pass the time!

2 members like this comment.

lucci123 - 08 Feb, 2018 - 07:31PM

I agree also with your letter, being a larger and older lady, I feel I need to spend money on keeping myself in a half decent condition. I would love to just put comfortable clothes on but I am not young or slim so I need to up my game. I spend a lot on lingerie and clothes but think thats more to do with personal confidence, (something since reading these comments I may review.) ,however the money I spend in train fares, meals out, car parking, hotels gets annoying, but part and parcel with all this. I would dislike it if a man turned up as though he had just come from work, I would be horrified if he obviously wasn't recently showered. It would be a non starter as it doesn't cost hardly anything to shower. However if he apologised (due to running late) and used it as an excuse to get in the shower together then he may be forgiven. I've enjoyed reading all these comments and the initial letter.

6 members like this comment.

NikViking - 08 Feb, 2018 - 12:34PM

It amuses me reading how men turn up looking like this. Perhaps they, shock and horror, lie about their appearances? Whereas I tried to be as honest as I could on my profile and I couldn't get a date to save my life on here.

From a man's perspective, and being totally crass and pragmatic, for the money you spend on initial lunches/coffees/dinner, plus hotel, travel, etc., you could easily pay for a professional and not have to worry about being found out or anything. This has to be about more than that, and it has to work both ways. I'm obviously not affair material as I'm too honest/old/young/nearby/far away/poor/nerdy/annoying/whatever but be realistic.

And obviously well done to the chaps, you're better than I turned out to be.

2 members like this comment.

amber57 - 08 Feb, 2018 - 12:24AM

omg, u must be swimming in money. their ways you can look nice, if u always a natural hygene indivituel it does not take long to fix ur self up, even jeans and a nice blouse looks nice, the guy comes to meet you , not a fashion model .true some guys look a bit scruffy , but every one does make a effort to be pleased with them self's. you not going to a client meeting , u going to find a friend and a lover, wonder who ever u meet will be happy to pay for all that .... just be yourself!
good luck

2 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 06 Feb, 2018 - 06:23PM

@TallSlim
I totally agree with your comment.
Shouldn't it be more about the person and not how much money you spend on getting made up like a dog's dinner? I would also wear a nice fitting pair of skinny jeans nice top and a little makeup for a date. I always say "less is best". You can make an impression without having to spend a fortune which you would probably have to explain to your other half ....

6 members like this comment.

Anatano koi hito - 05 Feb, 2018 - 12:06PM

Interesting! I wonder whose expectations you are dealing with here?
There is no excuse for not being decently turned out but equally there is a danger over creating too much expectation in your own mind perhaps...?

7 members like this comment.

whiterose61 - 04 Feb, 2018 - 07:40PM

I think most men will be scared off and wondering how expensive a relationship with you will be . I agree with a lot of the comments on here , If a guy really likes you he won't be bothered about what you are wearing as long as it's appropriate, and clean . As someone mentioned earlier smart casual clothes for a coffee meet or drinks in a Bar all that is required. As regards payments/ costs I like to pay my half of things but if I can't afford to go somewhere / do something I would say .But I don't want the guy to feel emasculated either if he is being a gentleman and wants to pay well that is OK too but I wouldn't expect it all the time.

2 members like this comment.

TallSlim - 04 Feb, 2018 - 03:55PM

So you are saying that you are a classy woman because you spend all that money to prepare yourself for a date?!?

I am a classy women but I will never go out of my way and spend £££££ when I am meeting someone. First of all I am limited financially as to what I can spend and "au naturel" is how I like to present myself. Clean hair and a tiny bit of make up is all I need and I will never spend money on a manicure for a date. I usually wear skinny jeans because at the end of the day I don't want to be having my kids asking me why I look so smart during day time 🤔 Meeting in a hotel is no different, clothes do not stay on for very long anyway. I have nice underwears but again will not go crazy and buy something new every time we meet!

6 members like this comment.

Black Gent - 04 Feb, 2018 - 08:08AM

OK so you are paying almost £270 for a date. Have you also factored in your lost time? I taught my kids to price their time at £25 an hour minimum. When we factor that in it easily takes you over £300. Take a look at how much a cheap last minute holiday costs. I am also a businessman and must always consider the cost /value equation. You could probably get the male escort of your choice at that sort of cash.
I would say that you need to reassess the situation as this guy seems like a tightwad. If underwear is his thing then he should go with you and buy some for you. If a shaven haven is his thing then he could offer. I think you could do better and get a more considerate lover.
It is clear that your chap is not a gentleman.
I like to be well groomed because it matters. Some men
My mind works n a simple rule of trying not to change anyone. If I find, upon the first date, that my lover’s vagina is unshaven well that is fine; if it is shaven that is fine too. I believe that this fashion for

8 members like this comment.

984721-Deleted - 03 Feb, 2018 - 01:11PM

ewwwww....smelly cocks ?? Seriously !! You even got that far haha cacking here

4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 03 Feb, 2018 - 11:57AM

PS: I have every sympathy with this lady regarding male personal [very personal] hygiene though ... gentlemen, it's not just your hands you need to wash under the tap ... nothing eleborate ... just a quick flash under the running water!!!

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 03 Feb, 2018 - 11:52AM

Ceol na mara - 30 Jan, 2018 - 08:19PM
"a good looking farmer, turned up at the airport with no bags, just a change of underpants!"

I'd give him marks for at least thinking of changing his underpants though ... more if he brought a toothbrush too! :-)

As for this letter ... I do get where this lady is coming from even though personally I think she's very OTT with her IE date preparations ... most of what she mentions I already do regularly as a matter of course as I am always well groomed ... for myself, not my IE ... though of course I would take extra care for an IE date.

I am surprised though that this lady's expensive lingerie aren't lasting ... perhaps she's using the washing machine on a wrong cycle ... should really be hand washed if they are really that expensive! Glad to be of help ... ExO the IE Domestic Goddess ... hahaha!!!

4 members like this comment.

Tarot - 03 Feb, 2018 - 04:34AM

You put some effort in, you expect the same of a prospective partner there’s nothing wrong with that. How much you pay to keep up an appearance is up to you, as we all have different priorities.

3 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 01 Feb, 2018 - 09:06AM

oh, and to those men who turn up unwashed, underdressed, etc. turn round and say bye-bye. Don't even bother to stay for the date, unless he has a very 'life-or-death' kind of excuse.

5 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 01 Feb, 2018 - 09:02AM

At first, I started sympathising, but I was immediately put off by your expense account. It sounded like you were doing the books of your business.

You sound a bit uptight, boring, tense, and to be honest, unfeminine, with a submissive nature.

Work on your flirting skills first. Get ready for yourself. Love what you are wearing because that's part of you and that's what you always do. However, as it's said, love the skin you're in, above all. Nothing wrong with pleasing your lover, but do it for yourself first, because you feel confident.

14 members like this comment.

1191412-Deleted - 31 Jan, 2018 - 12:51PM

I prefer in the end au naturel, no or only a trace of perfume as matching chemistry means I have to like your own scent otherwise it is no go. Clean, groomed and brushed speaks, but if one is married that speaks, for itself, unless you are from another planet. Somewhat in shape, now that can be expensive, near automatically ensures the above, except for the magic scent match. The rest ought to be inexpensive as dressing up too much gives one away. So while I clip my nails and nose hairs, short, I won't do them up for you with a colour as that would definitely give me away!

1 member likes this comment.

Kubixia - 30 Jan, 2018 - 10:18PM

OP, I enjoyed your letter. It was very interesting reading but it was also a reminder to me to be true to yourself. I’ve said it before, it’s my IE mantra; an extra relationship must be life enhancing. If it’s not, it’s just not worth it. If you’re taking from Peter (or hair from your foof) to shag Paul then i would say it’s really not enhancing your life but rather someone else’s.

14 members like this comment.

Ceol na mara - 30 Jan, 2018 - 08:19PM

A female friend of mine tells a story of going on a sun holiday with a mixed group of friends years a go. One of the guys, a good looking farmer, turned up at the airport with no bags, just a change of underpants! Sounds like he would not have much luck on here!

4 members like this comment.

1200185-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2018 - 07:23PM

Blimey. I'm not sure if you or your lovers are the most shallow!

If a man genuinely likes you then he will fancy you in a jumper, jeans and non-matching underwear, as long as you follow basic hygiene procedures, smell nice, look pretty and boost his ego. Attraction starts with the mind, not the superficial. I speak from experience.

13 members like this comment.

E. Edward Grey - 30 Jan, 2018 - 01:01AM

Firstly, I would agree there is no excuse for turning up unwashed and scruffy. It doesn't take a lot of effort to be clean and reasonably well dressed. I would, however, agree with an earlier comment that "illicit" generally means no strong perfumes / after shaves etc.

As regards cost, I think in this day and age it's quite acceptable to raise such issues and be open and honest about it. A sensible discussion about it ought to be possible. Having one half of the relationship worrying about costs isn't conducive to a good relationship.

I'm a great lover of nice lingerie on a lady and appreciate it costs money. My solution is the occasional online gift voucher from somewhere like Stockings HQ. There are others that do online gift vouchers. Saves me all the hassle of trying to buy the right thing and probably getting the size wrong and ensures I help out with the cost. I'm also able to point out, if I so wish, something on the suppliers website that I particularly like. I know it's always been appreciated

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JonnyboyG - 29 Jan, 2018 - 12:04PM

You obviously really enjoy this affair business then........Christ on a bike I’ve never seen so much whining. A date with you must be so much fun.

You have refused many a times to taste a smelly cock? Twice? Ten times? Thirty times? 🤢
No wonder you brush your teeth so much. Must be more than food stuck in there.

33 members like this comment.

Midweek Mystery - 28 Jan, 2018 - 09:30PM

As a guy, I like a lady to have some 'natural growth' of pubic hair and whilst I adore sexy lingerie, I'm happy to buy it for a lady if we have met and decided that we want to go on seeing each other.

M&S have some really lovely lingerie at reasonable prices. If your lover thinks enough about you, he will be prepared to buy some sexy lingerie for you.

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Perfect moments - 28 Jan, 2018 - 08:20PM

Wow that's a cheap Hollywood and expensive nails.
It all sounds a bit overboard really. You spend all this money on your looks and travel.....what if the guy doesn't like your personality or your looks . Waste of money and time. I always say people should like you for who you are and not for the lingerie you wear. As long as you are well groomed and fit and healthy.

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FLEUR16 - 28 Jan, 2018 - 06:14PM

I don’t like it if a lover insists on me being completely bare on my lady bits
I always think pervert!
Regards underwear
If he insists on sexy and stockings
Then he better carry on watching porn
I ain’t biting
Or he better wear a mankini 🤔

17 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 28 Jan, 2018 - 03:28PM

Blimey. I really don't know what to say about this letter. You sound like you're playing the role of an escort (to put it politely) rather than someone looking for someone to have a relationship with. Most of the men I meet don't seem to notice that I've not had an expensive pedi or manicure...and ventures into sexy lingerie and Brazilians only arise if the relationships develop into a long lasting one. I turn up very clean, made up, and dressed in my usual smart casual clothes ready to make witty conversation and laugh the night away. Most men are only too happy to pay for drinks or a meal, and we tend to meet up near my place so travel costs are minimal. I don't blame a lot of men for turning up very casually dressed; they don't want to arouse suspicion. But I do agree we should all be clean!

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tea_coffee_me_ - 28 Jan, 2018 - 11:41AM

(1 of 2)
I see where you are going but ...and I worried about some things however this is what I followed ...

I am and am open about being a single mum on benefits.

I state very early on that I expect them to pay for everything, as I make a family meal for £ 5 - 7 I cannot even contemplate paying half for a £40 or £150 meal!! That is taking money from the children in some way shape or form.
I have met with a range of men with a range of salaries, and so they choose the place we will eat and a budget to suit them. Some meals have been as stated £40 others over £150, that is THEIR choice and I have not problem with either.

Rooms, hotels have varied, I have had the £50 premier inn, and £500 hotel suit and spa etc. As above their choice however MUST be decent and CLEAN, and near to me as I do not have the time or money to travel.

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tea_coffee_me_ - 28 Jan, 2018 - 11:41AM

(2 of 2)
Lingerie - I do not have any. One person tried to GIVE me a shopping list! I have been threatened MANY times with being bought some, 2 years later still none. As each have their own ideas about what they like, (as all have stated they would like me in DIFFERENT things) if they would like me to ware a certain thing, buy it for me! Mine is clean, it may not be as new or sexy as I would like, if it is that important to them they WILL buy it.

It has annoyed me having to pay for some of the travel, again even public transport can be £10 to visit them and again that is then taken from my children, I am a mistress and with the right person happy to be so, however I am NOT prepared to subsidise THEM HAVING a mistress, especially with some of their salaries!!!

Some are looking for friends with benefits, and or a lady who can split costs, and has the finances to do so … As I am just be upfront with what you are willing to pay towards the affair … communication and honesty!

8 members like this comment.

1201118-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2018 - 10:41AM

Isnt it fair to say that there are as many levels of what is acceptable personal grooming as types of people on this site
Whilst i understand a lot of the points made points
My view is
i like to keep myself "well groomed" as it makes ME feel good and includes lingerie...it's part of being me

Yes I like to look hot sexy and ready for my man and in return I have found that effort too be very appreciated and similarly returned
If I had too (it's never happened yet) I would suggest we showered together as part of the fun, if a "brush up" had been difficult to do beforehand as coming straight from work

I'm not sure whether most men really care whether you're wearing M&S (yes they do do sexy)or Carine Gilson/Coco de Mer as long as you feel confident after all its usually coming off

As for costs it's rare both parties have an equal income
It's 2018 if we are going to be so intimate we can discuss and agree on who pays what
And anyone that can't accept or changes the goal posts isn't for me

6 members like this comment.

The Actress - 28 Jan, 2018 - 10:38AM

Sounds to me as though all this expensive preparation is for YOUR self esteem, and not for HIS benefit!
Almost £800 a year on your nails? On a disposable income of 10k?

Most men are not fashion bloggers; they can't tell Victoria's Secret, from Primark, it's what's inside the Lingerie that counts!

As for expensively layered fragrances? Unless you WANT him to go back to the OH smelling of you--don't wear any at all! Most men seem to prefer the natural smell of a woman. Fresh from the shower- yes, but not smelling like a perfume counter--even a high-end one!

Anyhow, isn't the most intimate way of starting any encounter, taking a shower together? So that takes care of your last point!

17 members like this comment.

Genuine & Funny - 28 Jan, 2018 - 10:10AM

Bit overboard for a coffee date :-o

15 members like this comment.

secret.wish - 28 Jan, 2018 - 08:32AM

Really... The last bottle of aftershave I bought lasted more than one use. My general appearance and grooming is something I do regardless. You’re not Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and these aren’t business expenses. I do the bulk of the travelling, i’d pay for the hotel, and all I’d want is the other person to turn up. Going Dutch if the lady offers is also acceptable. I met one woman for coffee and she was in her gym gear, part of her cover story, and it didn’t matter at all, her confession to wanting husband #4 put me off, but that’s another story.

7 members like this comment.

1191975-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2018 - 05:21AM

Wow. It can cost quite a bit for a woman to prepare herself for a date, a date that could go nowhere so a waste of money. I would never dream of telling a woman what to wear the pleasure is seeing how she looks when you meet, if your at the bedroom stage i would never tell a woman what night attire to wear it would be her chouce and many women look really attractive even in pyjamas. Maybe some men can only get turned on by women wearing certain things but tgat is a early form of trying to control you ive never told my wife what to wear and would never tell someone what to wear, women should wear what they went even athletics shoes with spikes if they want a quick get away. As for eating not sure about tgat a full stomach could impede you later at night, id rather have a couple of drinks only and eat before i went. The ability for a woman to make me laugh, get on with her well, enjoy her company is far more important than whats shes wearing she needs to feel comfortable that’s, all.

17 members like this comment.

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