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Letters to Sara

Stood Up Again!

Once again this evening I have been stood up. When I first joined IE this happened to me several times causing me much embarrassment, hurt, and annoyance. Since then I have devised a method to lessen its impact. I ask dates to meet me at a local pub and to phone me once they get there, hence I only turn up when I know my date has arrived. This has worked well until this evening, and I can't tell you how angry this has left me feeling. OK, I didn't suffer any social embarrassment but simply getting ready for a date takes considerable time and effort, plus, on this particular evening, I had cancelled another appointment as my date seemed so keen to meet. Has anyone else experienced being stood up? if so, what do you do about it? Perhaps those guilty of the offence might explain why they choose to do this to others. Should we report such members to IE so they could be blacklisted in some way?

51 members like this.

Comments (116)

captain883 - 05 May, 2018 - 04:46PM

No excuses - in this world of mobiles even a quick text should suffice. That is if you are not dating a rude and illiterate imbecile.

Oh please take note that ladies just HATE to go into pubs on their own. All the fellows give them the eye and who knows which one is the IE contact?

#lookingforextrafun - 09 Feb, 2018 - 01:38PM

One chance only - especially not getting in touch at all. No excuse for bad manners!

3 members like this comment.

wellcircumcised - 21 Jan, 2018 - 11:19AM

Tricky the first meeting and the "pub" doesn't make it easier. A date could lurk in the car park to give you the once over and scarper if the goods don't match however elaborately described in profile or previous message exchanges.
My best ever lover arrived on time and my heart sank on first impression but I gritted teeth and carried on. She turned out to be abso knockout but at her best with the light out. Common courtesy means you should meet and exchange at least a handshake and perhaps a sherry otherwise you're a churl.

1 member likes this comment.

Sparkle1965 - 12 Jan, 2018 - 06:41AM

I recently met a man on here, we exchanged several messages and then met in real life and got on very well, there was definitely spark between us, and I thought I had hit the jackpot. We continued to exchange messages over the next few weeks, and he seemed very keen, so I was very surprised when those messages suddenly stopped. After a week of no contact he message me again, and explained that due to family illness he could no longer continue our liaison. Obviously I am gutted, but totally understand why he has had to take this action, and believe he is doing the right thing So what I am saying is please give people a chance to explain why they stood you up. Yes there are some uncaring people in this world, but quite often life throws up the unexpected, which has to be dealt with, and I am sure this is often the case for dates not turning up or suddenly stopping contact.

3 members like this comment.

Ms_Chablis2012 - 11 Jan, 2018 - 01:09PM

I've been on here for years . On and off, but I will have a peep now and then & sometimes get chatting to someone and something starts , and sometimes not .

I have never been stood up , chatting on the phone and building something that way gives you a feel for the person and I would, by the time of meeting be as sure as I ever could be that they will be there as arranged .

I , personally would not dream of expecting a guy to ring me from the pub ( or wherever ) when they are there ... You are meeting or you are not !
I would usually send a message as I leave home to say I was on my way ... And get a response 'me too' ....

All a bit heavy this stuff .... Just go for it , and if the pillock backs out , get yourself a g and t , take a deep breath and go home X

8 members like this comment.

The Actress - 11 Jan, 2018 - 10:36AM


If that's how you feel; what on earth are you doing here, yourself???????

9 members like this comment.

miss sarajevo - 11 Jan, 2018 - 12:35AM

I joined IE because I wanted to meet someone who wanted what I do - something extra without risking what I already have. I do not want to arouse suspicion at home so my reason for being out has to fit timings, clothing, mileage etc. I would have thought that applied to both parties. I am surprised at the numbers that have been stood up. I imagined we were all in similar boats and as such respectful not to put another IE at risk by such behaviour. To date it has not happened to me. Im not sure if thats good luck or because I am very clear about what would arouse suspicion and opt out once something doesnt feel right.

2 members like this comment.

1161485-Deleted - 10 Jan, 2018 - 09:39AM

It is what it is.

Sadly the site is what it is.We are all craving in extra curricular activities into an already busy lifestyle.
it would be nice of some could create time as such to have those quality moments but as said,it is what it is.
Every one has different standards as well.Courtesy calls if late or for non attendance would be nice but as said above.

1191975-Deleted - 07 Jan, 2018 - 08:22PM

That’s a good idea, a man can get ready in ten minutes easily but it always takes a woman much much longer thats just how it is. It’s a good idea asking the man to tell you when he’s at the rendevous point and totally wrong of him not to meet you. Unfortunately in uk law everyone has the right of silence, no one ever has to explain what they did or why they did it. Maybe he never turned up at all maybe he’d been stood up before so took it out on you. Maybe he got cold feet before you got there, maybe he was there then saw people he knew so panicked and left. Maybe he suddenly became ill however i would have thought out of respect to you he would have and should have contacted you to apologise and give you an explanation but sadly no one has to do that. Maybe he got cold feet thinking of his wife at home there are only maybe’s only he knows the truth.

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 07 Jan, 2018 - 04:30PM

Samantha904 - 06 Jan, 2018 - 07:49PM
"how much honesty, decency and good manners is everyone on here showing to their spouses or partners"

They are showing decency and good manners to their spouses/partners by doing it discreetly and with the intention of keeping the marriage and family intact ... everyone has their own reasons for being here and the main thing is that they are doing this because they don't want to destroy/distress their spouse/partner.

8 members like this comment.

1109333-Deleted - 06 Jan, 2018 - 07:49PM

Well having read comments about honesty and manners how much honesty, decency and good manners is everyone on here showing to their spouses or partners as you sow so shall you reap

1 member likes this comment.

caramel - 05 Jan, 2018 - 09:54PM

I have been on IE for a fair while, but due to a very busy life I am seldom on here. I have never been stood up and have never stood anyone up.

Late last November I agreed to meet a gentleman for lunch after brief messaging and one phone conversation. Unfortunately I took his call away from my desk diary, which is the only place I write down IE type appointments, for stealth reasons. I forgot to write the date down and as it was a couple of weeks away, totally forgot about it. I came out of a meeting about 90 mins after our lunch was due to have taken place, and found a text message saying ‘I am here, are you close’ or something to that effect. Realising what had happened, I was mortified and immediately called the number. There was no reply and I left a lengthy grovelling message explaining what had happened. He was clearly very cross as I got no reply to the message.

Sometimes life happens....I felt the gentleman overreacted, but not being in his shoes; I can’t know what or how strongly he felt.

2 members like this comment.

1176533-Deleted - 05 Jan, 2018 - 09:48PM

tea_coffee_me_ - 12 Nov, 2017 - 12:15AM

"We are all cheaters and liars here. Don't take it personal and congratulate yourself on the lucky escape."
- speak for yourself, some of us are single!

Sorry dear, but I’m afraid you can’t play high and mighty. You may be single - but you’re prepared to sleep with married men. I don’t think that makes you a saint so don’t look down your nose at others - this was originally a ‘married dating site’.

5 members like this comment.

Sourire Complice - 05 Jan, 2018 - 04:57PM

Harsh and completely unfair - you have every right to ask them why and if no reason or apology is forthcoming block them.
And then take a positive from it - a screening process to identify the bad eggs from those where chivalry is a virtue - chances are they would have let you down further down the line, so you have not wasted any time spent on previous meets.
i guess a text from both sides to say they are on their way at least confirms 11th hour willing.

3 members like this comment.

takenononsense - 05 Jan, 2018 - 10:41AM

crix05- I enjoyed your ' I really should have known something was up when deathly silence greeted my message seeking confirmation of our tryst.' Very well put! Are you a writer?

I truly think that the British are as bad at saying no than any other nation. Many point out the Mexicans are totally incapable of saying no, but I think the English are worse. At least the Mexicans have a polite language code among themselves to mean a no, without saying it. It's confusing for foreigners but we just have to learn them when in Mexico. However, a few other nations (not just us, British) simply disappear and give us the silent treatment- that is more infected with rudeness and hurt than a polite language code to mean refusal. For example, if they say 'maybe,' it's definitely a no. If you hear 'right now,' just say thanks and leave. Don't ever say 'no, thanks.' They will keep insisting. Just say 'Thanks.' It means a no. They just don't like to say no.

Mimi100 - 04 Jan, 2018 - 09:11PM

That is insensitive in my opinion. I am equally interested in knowing why anyone would invest their time and effort in doing that.

1198132-Deleted - 04 Jan, 2018 - 08:04PM

It’s really tough to go out and meet a complete stranger any time, adding in the illicit nature of this site only makes it tougher. My current lovely IE taught me the value of speaking on phone rather than endless messaging and because we had chatted a couple of times meeting was still nerve wracking but so much easier. Also when we met he was a little older and more overweight than his picture suggested but we had already clicked and it didn’t matter.

1 member likes this comment.

1188134-Deleted - 31 Dec, 2017 - 04:39PM

This happened to me today, strangely enough with someone I'd met before! I guess the first meeting didn't go as well as I thought, although a long time did elapse between the two events. I really should have known something was up when deathly silence greeted my message seeking confirmation of our tryst. The principal emotion I felt afterwards was amusement instead of anger. It just seemed funny that she didn't have the nerve to tell me she didn't want to meet!

1 member likes this comment.

1180540-Deleted - 31 Dec, 2017 - 02:53PM

Never felt like this ever, but am resisting the desire to take revenge? Any advice here?
Don't come with the shallow "it should be fun", "can't take this too seriously" as that does not need to imply malicious and rude behaviour as a consequence. Ta.

1 member likes this comment.

1191412-Deleted - 29 Dec, 2017 - 05:20PM

say your child is backing a cake for a good friend, another child, from the neighbourhood. to be shared. the other child eats 90% of the cake in an unguarded moment. when your child bitter complains about this lack of sharing, the neighbourhood kid says: we are not married, you are taking this friendship thing too seriously; well, so be it, then we are no longer friends, and (s)he leaves. what would you do and say as parent? curious what you illiciT people will say, concerning this case, both on a literal and figurative level; as this is not about 6069-Positions. hny!

1172302-Deleted - 27 Dec, 2017 - 11:15PM

It is the nature of being attached sometimes things happen so you can't get away or let someone know. Personally i would do my best to let someone know but I have just let someone down and my phone has been stolen

gpand09 - 27 Dec, 2017 - 10:19PM

Two points:
- There is absolutely no reason to stood somebody up... the only reason not to inform is if something extreme has happened ... but then you should update as soon as possible
- don’t buy that just because on this website you have to accept people to behave in a certain way .. there as basic manners which should not change from website to website

4 members like this comment.

Beachhutkatie101 - 26 Dec, 2017 - 07:44PM

Maybe he turned up but didn't like the look of you and disappeared quickly out the back door? His loss x

Major Tom2 - 26 Dec, 2017 - 05:43PM

I'm no angel but that is just so disrespectful. In defence I can only suggest it's down to final night nerves and stage fright.But, if it is deliberate, there should be a way of flagging it to others users.

Sexybexy - 25 Dec, 2017 - 09:54AM

I'm going to stick my oar in again. I've been told more than once on here that I should 'grow up'. I am grown up. Grown ups take responsibility for their actions, admit their mistakes, and apologise when they have done something wrong. Those who stand others up should be told to grow up, not me. They are the ones behaving like immature teenagers...

Just like when dealing with spoilt children, all we grown-ups can do is make secure boundaries and not let their behaviour affect our outlook on life.

2 members like this comment.

1180540-Deleted - 24 Dec, 2017 - 04:01PM

@flover1: more than cowardice often as it is done on purpose. Therefore malice most often. People with many iron's in the fire and not caring for others at all. Sound like Merry Christmas to me! Not.

Sunshine6662 - 23 Dec, 2017 - 11:07PM

I agree with flyover 1, not showing up is a sign of cowardice.... I spoke to someone here who is married but... stays with his mum and he's not a teenager!! I politely declined to keep in touch, I am looking for normal male company, not someone with other issues and problems...!! I think if they have lied in their profile, they won't be confident to meet you.... It is simply cowardice

3 members like this comment.

barb55 - 23 Dec, 2017 - 07:32PM

Been there done that! Just have to accept it is what it is .

mistinthesea - 22 Dec, 2017 - 10:40AM

I agree with you to some extent, in the sense that we should move on and not resent what life throws or what people do, unless there is a very strong reason. However, I do expect manners because my standards are high and so should everyone's. Things happen last minute, so an apology should come later and be expected.

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 21 Dec, 2017 - 04:38PM

Summerbelle - 18 Dec, 2017 - 06:24PM
" things happen. That's life. But surely the courtesy of a text message to let the other person know isn't beyond the realms of possibility "


8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 21 Dec, 2017 - 03:35PM

Newoldmanish - 19 Dec, 2017 - 12:27PM

Honey, I'm afraid *you* missed the point ... having some good manners has nothing to do with being a "goody goody" ... also, we are not talking about unforeseen circumstances ... we do know the reality of life ... we are talking about rude cowards who stand people up without an explanation.

Merry Christmas All!!!

3 members like this comment.

flover1 - 20 Dec, 2017 - 12:41AM

It's a form of cowardice - unless there really is a genuine reason

8 members like this comment.

Newoldmanish - 19 Dec, 2017 - 12:27PM

Exotic orchid missed the point. If you expect to find goody Goodys here you are missing reality. I myself would never be so rude as to standsomeone up , manipulate or have fun at someone else's expense. But I do accept that some people have the opposite manner , possibly driven by selfishness and sometimes by circumstance. THAT IS LIFE. Rather than moaning about it just get on and enjoy life. All that is lost is a possible moment that might not be enjoyable. Feeling hurt or angry is a waste of time so just enjoy life and move forward. Resentments are taken and not given.
Just remember why we are here. An impossible task to know why others are here but we do know about ourselves.
Some people can be rude for reasons unknown! It's a good job we are all different"

5 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 18 Dec, 2017 - 06:24PM

darknhandsome .. things happen. That's life. But surely the courtesy of a text message to let the other person know isn't beyond the realms of possibility to save them the embarrassment of waiting for someone who's never going to show up?

8 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 18 Dec, 2017 - 03:19PM

Dear darknhandsome---did you apologise afterwards? If so, fine. The ones who've stood me up afterwards certainly haven't apologised. Then they have contacted me again after several weeks as though nothing has happened. I have had to wring a sorry out of them! Two of them then actually went on to stand me up again. This time I blocked them.

Do others agree that it is important to apologise if you have let your date down? Have you done it?

7 members like this comment.

darknhandsome - 16 Dec, 2017 - 06:35PM

I have been stood up and stood someone up (because of a work emergency). I got over it. You should.

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 14 Dec, 2017 - 10:42AM

Newoldmanish - 13 Dec, 2017 - 05:58AM
"We are not exactly angels are we?"

So not having any kind of manners or decency is fine just because people are on an adultery site???

13 members like this comment.

1171308-Deleted - 14 Dec, 2017 - 12:32AM

I totally agree that you should be annoyed.
If your going to take the time to message each other and to hopefully have an affair the least you can do is to turn up, otherwise it’s just a waste of everyones time and shows very bad manners.

8 members like this comment.

1191412-Deleted - 13 Dec, 2017 - 07:41PM

Ah, please, let us all be a bit more foregiving. The trepidations of our illicit affairs are not to be underestimated. Besides, there is always some one else on the horizon, provided you believe in the mutual [we are feminist after all and all non-unique replaceable beings] female or male mail-order type. In which we are all ordering as well being ordered. Beautiful equality of the sexes, isn't it?

2 members like this comment.

Newoldmanish - 13 Dec, 2017 - 05:58AM

Why is everyone sounding so uptight. We are not exactly angels are we? These things happen to us all, good and bad.
Life is what we make of it.... Grow up

2 members like this comment.

Sunshine6662 - 13 Dec, 2017 - 01:02AM

The hidden world of social media not just IE is used as a moral booster for many people... Women need validation... Men need validation too..... But I can bet you most of them are tied permanently into their marriage...!!! You need to play this game with an open mind and an open heart.

4 members like this comment.

1192241-Deleted - 10 Dec, 2017 - 03:30PM

There is really no excuse in these days of mobiles I am certain that if I am lucky to get to the stage of meeting a lady I would make sure we both had each others mobile numbers a quick discreet text we can all get stuck on the road or be delayed on public transport

2 members like this comment.

cristlm1971 - 10 Dec, 2017 - 11:43AM

Oh come one. Grow up. Use a direct and 2-the-point approach to get what y want & discard any inefficient nonsense. Then I wish y best of luck.

Auralistic - 09 Dec, 2017 - 02:40AM

It basically all comes down to an individual having the manners to at least contact who they are going to meet and cancel if theres a problem. Leaving someone hanging with no explanation or apology is just the most cowardly thing to do. . An arranged date can always be messed up by unexpected problems. . We are all busy and living our day to day lives but it takes two minutes to make contact to cancel and even rearrange the date surely ? Theres no excuse what so ever to be honest. If you have the confidence to arrange a date in the first place, You should also have the confidence to do the right thing in cancelling correctly should you need to . . . Its pretty easy basic social skills that we all have. . . .

6 members like this comment.

1191412-Deleted - 08 Dec, 2017 - 10:50AM

Honour/code amongst thieves, was said here often. Agree, perhaps, but how to sift those who honour from those who do not?

cristlm1971 - 07 Dec, 2017 - 05:15PM

Ha, ha, I want my partner to want only one partner but I am free to do what I want to, if the urges call, being a feminist!

cristlm1971 - 06 Dec, 2017 - 04:42PM

All. What a nonsense. Anything goes.

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 04 Dec, 2017 - 11:10AM

Sexybexy - 27 Nov, 2017 - 08:58AM
"Surely, though, this is the kind of man needs reporting?"

I know what you mean and how you feel but I don't think "reporting" is the answer ... there is nothing Admin can do about an ignorant coward ... you have not been abused, threatened or swindled ... as far as I'm aware, being an ignorant coward is not illegal ... yet ...though it should be ... haha.

Naming & Shaming section would be good but then it would be open to abuse ... score settling, false accusations, revenge, etc, etc, etc ... by both sexes.

10 members like this comment.

984721-Deleted - 02 Dec, 2017 - 09:35AM

I have had men turn up late - I find this irritating as my time is precious .

More commonly they cancel at last minute - nerves I guess !!

7 members like this comment.

1187025-Deleted - 28 Nov, 2017 - 10:27PM

Unfortunately there will always be timewasters on this any any conventional dating site - come with the territory I am afraid. People can also bottle it and simply be afraid or inconsiderate in not letting you know.
I don't believe in naming and shaming anyone however - let admin deal with it.

2 members like this comment.

1180540-Deleted - 28 Nov, 2017 - 07:08AM

What I find amusing if someone writes something like -Don’t want to upset worlds but would just love to find somebody I can trust and connect with - to have that is so special, nice chats and texts in between meets, someone ordinary, caring and friendly just like myself who is happy to find one special friend- when you know they are not like that at all but scheming. Maybe they are friends of Boris?

Sexybexy - 27 Nov, 2017 - 08:58AM

Thank you for all your comments. Yes, it's me, Sexybexy, I wrote the letter! What I have gleaned from all this is that I can do quite a bit to tighten my dating boundaries. I now always contact my date on the day making sure he is still interested. If he doesn't reply I don't go to the venue or waste time getting ready. The date 'going quiet' as soon as the venue is agreed is a sure sign something is not right and is not to be ignored. On my side, I always tell my date the minute something comes up which makes meeting impossible.

But wouldn't you know it. While learning all this I was stood up by someone! We had already agreed to meet twice before, but he had contacted me saying something had come up at work. This time, despite regular messaging back and forth, he simply went quiet as soon as an arrangement was made, and I haven't heard anything from him since. However, this time I had read the signs and hadn't wasted a moment getting ready.
Surely, though, this is the kind of man needs reporting?

8 members like this comment.

1180540-Deleted - 26 Nov, 2017 - 10:00PM

Feels indeed much better without feelings. A definite feel-good scenario.

1 member likes this comment.

1180540-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2017 - 04:06PM

I''ll join the large group of people with complete lack of norms. Much easier living. Ta.

1 member likes this comment.

1176579-Deleted - 24 Nov, 2017 - 08:46PM

At least you get to the meeting stage (although they don't turn up), I don't seem to get passed the photo stage but then I've only been on for nearly 2 weeks, I think I may be too impatient lol

8 members like this comment.

1180540-Deleted - 21 Nov, 2017 - 10:20PM

@ Sunshine6662: sound strategy; like that. Ha, ha, I had a therapist neither showing up nor informing me thereof after an ace 1st soft meeting in which we agreed to become lovers; she never apologised afterwards for the no-show; gave her loads of time but she could not say more than "I messed up" . Guess it must have been a established therapeutic technique at the NHS? Another time after six magic meets I was dumped because I found her double cheating on kik as well as IE; allegedly I cared too much; thought long and hard about it but now I realise she demanded her "care" so that was very hypocritical. That response, you can't be in love, confused me for a long time. Now I realise that a part-time lover's relationship, tactile & gentle with risky sex, can only be based on honesty and trust. Some folk are apparently to daft, rude or monstrously inhuman to understand that. And even worse, because of the risky sex, it was (borderline or actual) sexual misconduct.

8 members like this comment.

amber57 - 20 Nov, 2017 - 08:06PM

Damask, i think i do understand it can be hurtful but there is always two side, they guy , a is a person , words like B, its also hurtful and does not been reverd such as that!
that is my opinion

3 members like this comment.

amber57 - 20 Nov, 2017 - 07:58PM

HI there....
Yes , it is very bad News, if you be stood up, but maybe something happend and the person has had none chance to get in contact with you, as you always have tp remember, he is married also , and i think , if u in the same boat as he is , u can understand how oquad it can get if you have a busy life , for both of you, give him the chance to explain when he is ready ,
i, know often i look forwards to meet my guy, but also very often something comes between it and i know , he will make it up to me its much nicer , just wait if you see each other regular, trust is very importent.
Regard's Amber57

1 member likes this comment.

cubeperson - 20 Nov, 2017 - 01:29PM

You need to keep it up. It might be disappointing but it is the rules of the game. We all have lives outside and while I understand the excitement that precedes a date, you're never fully sure until you're next to each other. I'm a man, have been stood up more than once. I try not to take it personal and get on with it. But also me mindful of peoples time. Certainly a scoring system would help, but remember that we all act impulsively sometimes and one bad review doesn't mean that someone is untrustworthy.
So good luck with your search. The right person will show up!

3 members like this comment.

Sunshine6662 - 18 Nov, 2017 - 10:37PM

We are all on IE for a reason... This is not your' run - of - the mill ' dating site. What may seem a good idea on Monday my not remain the same by Friday....!!! However, the gent in question should have called and cancelled... I am no therapist, but I know men don't like drama in their lives... Especially not in their private lives... And they're probably here on IE because they have enough of it at home any way. I would always call on the morning of a date, just as I would with any female friends and confirm if they were OK with plans for that evening.. It takes any guessing games out of the way!!! And no one ends up feeling so bad.

8 members like this comment.

1183960-Deleted - 17 Nov, 2017 - 08:10PM

Whilst random life-events -hassles can happen to all of us, I think it is appalling that you have been stood-up 'several' times. Maybe I am deluding myself, but I choose to feel a sense of camaraderie with everyone here; we've all (pretty much) made a difficult choice and one which beneath the necessary subterfuge, perhaps paradoxically, deserves a level of honesty of reciprocal respect, even if there is no chemistry. Don't be too disheartened, you are better off without the temptation of their presence. Oh, and maybe take your attraction-ometer in for a tune ;-)

4 members like this comment.

1068925-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2017 - 06:02PM

I' m more intrigued why the postwriter spends hours getting ready and doesn' t allow himself to be seen first lol. I wonder if the dates don't show because they think it's odd.

1 member likes this comment.

perfect mistress material - 15 Nov, 2017 - 12:53PM

I have never been stood up but I always choose to meet in the day for a first meet and for a coffee somewhere near me and I try and slot it into my plan for that day just in case ,and I would hate to be in the position of sitting in a crowded bar in the evening waiting for a no show and after the extra effort of turning oneself into Cinderella for no reason on a cold wet evening, no way to go is coffee in your plan for that day as close as possible to where I live but somewhere discrete and comfortable of course

2 members like this comment.

159251-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2017 - 12:23PM

I agree with the first lady who responded, we are all cheats and liars on here - to a certain extent....some have turned it into an art form. I've always gone by the rule that you don't cheat on who you're cheating with and always, always tried to treat those I meet, either physically or online with the courtesy and respect I would like to receive. I fear that a lot that leave you stood up do so because they have what they perceive as a "better" offer after they agree to meet you. Maybe I'm old fashioned and live in a different era, but if I agree to meet someone it's only good manners to make sure I'm there at the appointed time. As for blacklisting repeat offenders, well that ain't gonna happen is it? ...I.E. would lose half of it client base overnight!!
One last thing I would query referring to the lady above - why are singles on a married dating site? - just saying

3 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 15 Nov, 2017 - 08:53AM

First of all, it's not because this is an illicit dating site, we should lose decency and courtesy in all areas of our lives, regardless of us being married or single.

Secondly, if you are single and you are here, you are not above all moral standards. Singletons can lie too, or lack in courtesy, as much as the attached group may or may not.

3 members like this comment.

JessicaRabbit114 - 13 Nov, 2017 - 10:59PM

No I have never been stood up, the gentleman I met was quite the gentleman and would not have done that. I miss him and his manners even today...I doubt I will find another one quite like him, in fact I have just about stopped looking. having rejoined this site hoping to fall be him again...like they say... it’s hard for lightning to strike twice...

4 members like this comment.

loire - 13 Nov, 2017 - 10:56PM

Lucky you, at least you appear to have dates! Never been stood up but only had four dates in four years. If you're playing the percentage game you will more success than me x

3 members like this comment.

damask - 13 Nov, 2017 - 08:25PM

only once and i was annoyed as i had a hectic job at the time and it was a real effort to get ready and go

report the bastard

3 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 13 Nov, 2017 - 10:00AM

Being stood up can knock your confidence a bit but I guess you just have to brush yourself off and carry on with it. For some people meeting up might be a big thing if they have not done it before and they might be getting cold feet.
Still a message to tell you so is only polite.

2 members like this comment.

Elegant Flower - 13 Nov, 2017 - 08:42AM

I empathise with your frustration. Being stood up is disrespectful and a strong indicator of that person’s shortcomings. It has nothing to do with you. They are squarely the owner of their own problems or issues. A cancellation might have been more civil, though is nonetheless as inconvenient. What perturbs me about your grievance, though, is that you are reporting that this has happened to you on other occasions, too. In other words, there might be an underlying pattern in your style of communication, which may attract the type of prospects, who do not respect your boundaries. Perhaps you are not being clear or assertive enough about your own needs in general. Perhaps there is an older, non-addressed pattern of having been badly let down by a person you thought you could depend or rely on in your younger years, the hurt of which might have subconsciously become perpetuated during adulthood. And perhaps you may need to consider practicing expressing your boundaries or rules more. You deserve more.

4 members like this comment.

Joliemadam - 12 Nov, 2017 - 02:14PM

In all the years I've been on ie I've have never been stood up and only had one late cancellation needless to say he didn't last long.
I always stick to this rule
1 meet in my area
2 phone number
3 car reg number
4 meet in car park
Works every time

5 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 12 Nov, 2017 - 09:55AM

me n you - 11 Nov, 2017 - 10:11PM

That's no excuse for not turning up for goodness sake ... the woman might be nervous too plus she would have had to make arrangements/excuses etc at home to be there !!!

Also, why should we have to ask for a reason ... a decent person will send a message WITH a reason AND in plenty of time before the meet, period.

About time all the cowardly men grew a pair!!!

5 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 12 Nov, 2017 - 12:15AM

"We are all cheaters and liars here. Don't take it personal and congratulate yourself on the lucky escape."
- speak for yourself, some of us are single!

6 members like this comment.

me n you - 11 Nov, 2017 - 10:11PM

It sometimes takes guts to meet someone, They may feel they will be turned down or humiliated and its easy not to turn up. talk to them and ask them why? Underneath they may be genuine and loving. The person who turns up
cocky is not always the person who is suited to you. Make an effort and if does not work out, nothing ventured nothing gained. I'me one of those people who have backed out because I'm nervous but with the right woman I blossomed. Maybe not he right comment for g=a guy but hope you get my drift. Good luck

2 members like this comment.

1142791-Deleted - 10 Nov, 2017 - 11:30PM

I think this reflects society. People are thinking of themselves and act without any feeling or conscience. I treat people how I like to be treated and I wouldn't want to be left high and dry. Just a text 'sorry, I'm a prick' is better than silence. If that is an indication of behavior then I wouldn't want to go anywhere near them. Good riddence to bad rubbish. All you lost is time.

6 members like this comment.

1068925-Deleted - 10 Nov, 2017 - 09:39PM

Only arrange to meet for a quick coffee ( 1 hour) slotted into an otherwise busy day the first time then if they cancel you would have other things to do. Or arrange a couple of meets in one night then if one doesn' t show you' ve got a back up plan ;-p

3 members like this comment.

traderick - 08 Nov, 2017 - 12:20PM

Occupational hazard? Cancellations are endemic, not just confined to the dating scene,. I guess we feel it more acutely because we are pumped up with adrenalin (and testostorone?) for our dates! Think the pain can be reduced by not travelling too far. However, given the nature of our illicit ventures, people may be more susceptible to changes of partners' plans, etc. Best to take it on the chin and move on, better luck next time!

6 members like this comment.

1088837-Deleted - 07 Nov, 2017 - 04:11PM

Us boys face it more , but better that he bottled it than met and let you down later a bit later when he was a even bigger whatsit

1160817-Deleted - 07 Nov, 2017 - 02:27PM

Yes as a woman it always feels humiliating.... you’ve made the effort , chosen an outfit with care , spent time doing your hair make up because let’s face it if you get on you want to look your best. ..... only to sit for 45 mins feeling dejected, cross and a fool. On one occasion I’d travel 34 miles to meet half way ....set up an alibi and as I was excepting dinner I hadn’t eaten ...... then of course you have to sir in the car somewhere and waste 3 hours because you can’t go home , why because you’ve lied about where you are. I always carry a book and bottle of water with me just in case ..... but I’d youre nor going to turn up, atleast text us ... atherwise we will draw the conclusion you’re a horrible person

9 members like this comment.

1178960-Deleted - 07 Nov, 2017 - 08:31AM

@ welcomehome

get used to it, getting a response is the first hurdle, conversation the water obstacle, and the date bechers brook - navigate that and then get stood up, all good fun

5 members like this comment.

Devereaux - 06 Nov, 2017 - 02:00PM

I always think I've been succesful, when I've stood up after 6 x Gin & Tonics, a half-bottle of champagne, 4 x pints of Guiness and a dozen Harvey Wallbangers.

8 members like this comment.

1177000-Deleted - 04 Nov, 2017 - 10:37PM

We are all cheaters and liars here. Don't take it personal and congratulate yourself on the lucky escape.

5 members like this comment.

157683-Deleted - 04 Nov, 2017 - 06:51PM

Having been stood up on more than one occasion I can understand others' frustrations. Imagine how much worse when one lives over a hundred miles away and a date may involve an overnight stay. Nevertheless, some potential dates may take cold feet and thus miss out on that which they most want from ie. Others, alas, may just enjoy the thrill of chatting on line, of dreaming of a meeting but with no intention of ever carrying through the promise.

4 members like this comment.

welcomehome852 - 04 Nov, 2017 - 02:55PM

Getting to a date would be a great start?

Getting someone to respond to emails would be an even better start!

9 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 04 Nov, 2017 - 08:57AM

Nonblonde - 02 Nov, 2017 - 09:37AM
"I can't believe folk could be that nasty ?"

Oh yes they can!!!

2 members like this comment.

1180540-Deleted - 03 Nov, 2017 - 06:46PM

Alas, my comment was too critical and was not placed (-). Yes I can feel your pain but that is just hurt. One becomes damaged and wounded if after a lot of caring and affection, someone just does a fuck-and-run when they were caught triple-cheating. Double punishment. Be glad that this happens to your early one, then you know right away that you don't want to be involved with such amoral folk.

Tantalising - 03 Nov, 2017 - 04:43PM

Have been seeing someone through IE for around 18 months. During this time they have never stood me up changed an arrangement or cancelled a date. Am I lucky or do they just find my company irresistible!!

4 members like this comment.

repeat offender - 03 Nov, 2017 - 02:46PM

never been stood up. Most guys are too decent for that (I hope) I normally get a second date if I wont one(often I don't)one guy did see me and say not for me thanks and left...almost worse than being stood up, he was much too metro sexual looking for me anyway , and I know hes a prick from his actions , so no loss.It never hurt to chat and have a drink a person often becomes much more your thing when you see what they are like to chat too. Always talk on the phone too before you meet, it can become clear they are dull with little soh and saves everyones time....,looks do not great sex make a person nature is more likely to lead to better things

2 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 03 Nov, 2017 - 11:59AM

I've never been stood up on an actual date, but I have experienced a number of occasions where a date has been arranged but the person I'm due to meet has cancelled it beforehand, sometimes even as close as an hour or so before we were due to meet. It's not something I can take personally as they've obviously never met me - I just assume that something has happened in their personal life or they've simply 'bottled it'.

I do always exchange numbers and chat on the phone before arranging a date as there's so much more you can find out about someone by talking rather than relying on messaging or text. If nothing else it helps to break the ice, and If they find it hard to make conversation on the phone it's unlikely you'll have much to talk about when you do finally meet.

10 members like this comment.

MysticalSunlight47 - 02 Nov, 2017 - 03:16PM

Genuinely sorry to hear of your dilemma and upset caused over this. A tip is perhaps don't arrange to meet somebody until you've first suggested, and they have agreed to, a brief "hello chat" on the phone. Never meet anybody unless they are happy to do this, if somebody doesn't want to speak to you first, its not worth meeting them. Its a shame so many on the website seem to be either terribly and perhaps genuinely nervous, here to play games, or simply here to waste the time of others. Always make sure you get that phone chat. On those very few occasions when I have just been given a number for another person, but the person has not agreed to talking, the numbers turned out to be wrong numbers or unobtainable numbers, etc. Be careful and I hope you meet somebody nice who will restore your faith. I myself still wait in hope! Get that phone chat before meeting up and be lucky out there!

7 members like this comment.

Boredman535 - 02 Nov, 2017 - 01:53PM

For me it's all about being open & honest from the outset. Who you are, what you look like, what you're looking for etc. Up to date pics (not photo shopped) and an honest opinion of your physical state. Then hopefully everyone gets what they are expecting....

Things happen, people change their mind. Tell the other person - it is only fair and reasonable. The no show and then silent treatment is completely childish and unacceptable behaviour.

well so a "friend" of mine told me :-) :-)

4 members like this comment.

Nonblonde - 02 Nov, 2017 - 09:37AM

Omg 😲 I am new here . I can't believe folk could be that nasty ?

3 members like this comment.

Skigirl52 - 01 Nov, 2017 - 11:45PM

I've never been stood up or stood anyone up. I've usually done quite a lot of "chatting" beforehand. Most of my first dates have been for coffee only. I usually swap phone numbers within 24 hours of the date happening. I have accidentally been late (traffic) and have had that happen the other way around to me. Both times we've been able to let the other person know. I've definitely never had a problem by giving my phone number out.

1 member likes this comment.

smiler461 - 01 Nov, 2017 - 01:10PM

Why chat with someone exchanging numerous messages and plan a meet to then be let down at the last minute or stood up.....I don't get it ! Life is too short to mess people around. I appreciate things happen and circumstances overtake but you can tell if it's genuine....
Come on guys have fun.. enjoy each other's company but please respect each other and have the decency to turn up if you make arrangements...if u need to cancel then do it but don't disrespect people by just not showing up.
"Life is cruel enough without adding to that cruelty"

ExoticOrchid - 31 Oct, 2017 - 08:49PM

It is always a bad sign when someone has arranged to meet up but would not give their contact details ... I can always tell that person is going to cry off at the last minute!

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 31 Oct, 2017 - 01:39PM

aelius - 29 Oct, 2017 - 11:17PM
"They may have a perfectly good reason, who are we to judge ..."

IF they have a good reason, it would be common courtesy [yes, even here on IE] to at least explain why ... without that, we will judge!!!

1 member likes this comment.

smooth operator - 31 Oct, 2017 - 12:29PM

Re Telephone Numbers....

Not entirely in agreement that this is a mandatory requirement.
sadly some dates don't necessarily follow protocol and seek to cause later disruption..
Yes I know that blocking facilities exist.

If someone is going to stand you up they will do so whether telephone numbers have been exchanged regardless.

It's the sweet shop syndrome

2 members like this comment.

TheMaestro - 31 Oct, 2017 - 09:20AM

I was stood up once. A lady who seemed desperate to meet. I didn't notice at the time that she hadn't given her phone number. When I complained afterwards on IE she claimed her phone had fallen into a pond. Lucky escape I think.

3 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 30 Oct, 2017 - 03:22PM

Only been stood up once and never stood anyone else up.

One accepts that things happen and you may not be able to make a date. But have the decency to get a message via phone, text, email or via here.

Even if it is to say, 'Sorry I changed my mind'.

7 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 30 Oct, 2017 - 02:40PM

Arrange without numbers?!?!??

I never leave without the 3 elements, countless times people try to arrange 2 of the 3, however I do not leave the house.....

a) Date
b) time
c) location

... YES always have a phone number! I don't arrange the 3 above until I have the person on the phone...

4 members like this comment.

Siren12 - 30 Oct, 2017 - 01:38PM

There are a couple of guys whom i have met and i wished i had stood them up or them me!..

18 members like this comment.

1178960-Deleted - 30 Oct, 2017 - 01:36PM

I have been stood up a few times, just think it comes with the territory, cannot take it personally and refuse to get uptight about it - one ot two even made an excuse which is better as do dislike the silent treatment

it is disappointing to be stood up and you carry on

1 member likes this comment.

Secondhand Rose - 30 Oct, 2017 - 09:56AM

I stood someone up once---I don't live near a tube station, or a bus route, it was raining and I couldn't start my car!

I sent him a message on IE, hoping that he'd check, but the next morning I got an angry note in reply! No excuses, was the gist of the message.

The moral of this story?


6 members like this comment.

1179850-Deleted - 30 Oct, 2017 - 06:10AM

It's amazing how many presumably functioning human beings manage to lose all courtesy when on IE. Not happened to me, and I wouldn't do it either, but that's just classless.
Actually, your idea of a register is not bad. 3 strikes and you're out.
But remember you're better than all those losers, however irritating it is.

4 members like this comment.

1144348-Deleted - 29 Oct, 2017 - 11:17PM

They may have a perfectly good reason, who are we to judge .....

Nah report them as a time-wasting no mark. You do know there are people who get their sad kicks from type of behaviour this don't you?

1 member likes this comment.

yorkslass007 - 29 Oct, 2017 - 08:25PM

I’d put it all down to experience as there’s no guarantees on here you take a chance. Don’t take it personal I bet there’s lots of people been stood up for various reasons .... also there might be valid reasons why it’s happened .. good luck

1 member likes this comment.

LJ1984 - 29 Oct, 2017 - 04:07PM

I've been stood up quite a few times and this drives me mad, I'm sure we all value our time, well I do!! I feel the same, I get ready and look forward to the meet to be let down, makes you feel annoyed and disappointed. I've never ever stood anyone up. I think some people like the excitement of chatting but when it comes to it can't go through with it, in that case they shouldn't be a member.

4 members like this comment.

Could it be? - 29 Oct, 2017 - 01:19PM

I completely agree with your feelings and its happened to me too several times.... I guess though there is little we can do to protect ourselves from the vagaries of human nature.

I put a lot of time and effort into getting to know someone here before arranging a date, and when I do its always their convenience comes first. Doesn’t stop people not turning up or cancelling just before with no reason .... it still hurts but a little less each time and I just move on a little quicker each time it happens now. Hope this helps.

2 members like this comment.

Vive la Difference! - 29 Oct, 2017 - 01:14PM

I've never been stood up throughout my time on IE, but if I had of been then I would chalk it down to having had a lucky escape. Think about what they may be capable of way further down the line. Don't despair, there are plenty of lovely people on here. I would welcome blacklisting for all the members who have been sorely messed around. Alas, I think it will never come to that.

1 member likes this comment.

356143-Deleted - 29 Oct, 2017 - 10:48AM

I arrange for potential IE’s to meet me at a motorway services very near me, in the day so as to not put myself to too much trouble. If they live a good distance away I arrange to meet at a half way venue and leave it up to them to text me to confirm on the day itself, if they don’t, I don’t leave my home. It’s important for me that I see some effort put into meeting me, it sets the tone for any future meetings with the person. I’ve been stood up twice recently, but with my strategies in place I wasn’t put to much inconvenience.

tea_coffee_me_ - 28 Oct, 2017 - 03:18PM

Yes my record is 3 in a row with different men. This is in a row not overall! Many more.

I also arrive wherever, and ask them to text me when they have arrived.

I have also had to pay out for childcare for nothing (single mum, benefits).
I just block on the phone, and move on. Time varies sometimes its that evening if they text an hour before then nothing, if traffic bad or other give time for what may be a reasonable reason else...
No nastiness ... no snide comments, just move on.
One person forgot they had stood me up as they contacted me 4 months to the day, I went along with it for a while then gave them a piece of my mind!
I don;t tend to block just ignore messages.
This person contacted me a year later, gave snide comments, and I asked if it was going to be a yearly thing lol!!

YOU WILL be stood up, (both sexes play games) unless you find another wonderful, modest me of course! :-)

3 members like this comment.

Winterdayz47 - 28 Oct, 2017 - 02:44PM

Better to have tried and failed than never tried at all. Frustrating, yes it is! But perhaps you were spared a date with someone who obviously wasn't prepared to commit .
I have had several lovely dates only to see the guy disappear into the most, never to be seen again. Then you wonder if it was something you did or said ..we're you too chatty, not chatty enough or just too skinny, fat,tall,small .

Just mark it down as experience and his loss.

3 members like this comment.

710392-Deleted - 28 Oct, 2017 - 02:33PM

I'll plead guilty!

I didn't stand him up exactly..... I did show up at the agreed venue at the date and time agreed, but the person there to meet me and the person I had agreed to meet were two different men!

I don't know whose photograph he had used on the site, but it was not his own, he was a good 10 years older, 10 inches shorter and in short, not the person I'd agreed to meet. How did I know it was him? The old meet me under the clock carrying a Times routine..... there was only one man with a times at the agreed spot.

I rang a girlfriend and we had a good laugh over a couple of bottles of vino, the "date accused me of standing him up.... I told him that he had stood ME up as the person I though I was meeting hadn't shown up! I suggested that he rewrite his profile and put some real photos up and he might do better!

16 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 28 Oct, 2017 - 10:29AM

I have been very lucky and never stood up but understand your frustration and anger, leaves you feeling rubbish to

ExoticOrchid - 28 Oct, 2017 - 09:47AM

I totally empathise with your feelings ... male or female, this person is the lowest of the low [only acceptable exceptions would be either a family tragedy or an accident ... anything else, eg: stuck in traffic/train cancelled/whatever, he/she can text and explain].

I have never been stood up but have had near misses where at the last minute, the coward makes an excuse but only after my text asking for confirmation ... it's also insulting when the excuse is so feeble and ridiculous!

Your method is a good one although no method is foolproof I suppose. Another good strategy is to arrange a meet somewhere you were intending to go anyway so that if the coward is a no show, you can still be where you want to be ... in my case, it was a retail park which also had nice coffee shops ... the coward made a last minute excuse which meant I went shopping an hour earlier!!!

I suppose you could report the coward to Admin though I'm not sure if they'll do anything about it.

3 members like this comment.

allore - 28 Oct, 2017 - 01:03AM

Totally understand how angry you are but we really can't go around blacklisting people here.
I mean, given the chance I'm sure most of us would rant about another member.
I dated a guy from here for 6/7 months. Alas it had to end but when he came back on here, he referenced something in my profile as a ' I don't like'.
I was horrified but I'm still here.
Non judgemental, hopeful and watching a top of the pops from 1984.
Which by the way I never appreciated at the time. Life's good, even when it's hard.

1 member likes this comment.

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