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Letters to Sara

Equality of the Sexes!

I am sure it was not the first time, but I noticed the other day for the first time that there were more women on line than men

Does this indicate more women on IE, or less men, does it matter, probably not

However, ordinarily, there are more men on line and therefore the women have the greater choice. I have learnt from many women that often they face an avalanche of contacts, is overwhelming, how do you sort the men from the boys? šŸ˜Š Thus the need for profiles with panache and personality or some usp as discussed in previous post

In my experience, of all the women I have contacted, the number I have been able to engage with can be counted on one hand and of those, further progress can be counted on no hands. However, I have been very lucky to have had three IE's, and all contacted me in the first instance. I get the impression that women think men will contact anyone and everyone, simply a numbers game, and so are women more discerning in who they contact. I have found that where the woman makes contact an ongoing conversation will always ensue on a far more amicable basis.

So, I am pleased that there are more women and always look forward to having that new alert

17 members like this.

Comments (18)

1187615-Deleted - 30 Nov, 2017 - 01:40PM

Talking about equality of the sexes, what are the rules on meets. Last time I was here I met someone and we were together for 6 months. However in that time she left me to always book the hotel or meet venues. Is that the expectation that men should always organise this or should it be equal?

Newoldmanish - 19 Oct, 2017 - 12:34PM

I don't see what all the fuss is about. Just enjoy the site and see how it goes. Shallow ,deep, honest, dishonest, polite impolite .,? Most people get what they deserve at the end of the day. Equal numbers or not just be glad and enjoy.

MysticalSunlight47 - 17 Oct, 2017 - 11:01AM

This is a very interesting letter, I have tried many times sending few lines of polite introduction to men on the website, hardly any of them responded, those who did were very rude and arrogant, a huge pity. I don't make first contacts now, even a profile appeals to me, because of the levels of rudeness when I do. This letter interested me as, despite getting very few messages(certainly no "avalanches"), I saw something in what the writer says....for me, the few chaps that have stayed in touch have only done for a little while, most disappear when they've "demanded" a photo swap word! One chap I thought was very interested in me messaged me one day to say he'd also been messaging somebody else in tandem with me and had decided to drop communications with me for her. Such is life! I have had no luck with this site so far, but I will stick with it, perhaps somebody is out there. Best of luck to all genuine folk.

2 members like this comment.

abiman - 28 Sep, 2017 - 04:05PM

Given what my profile says I keep being surprised that I get contacts who *clearly* have not read it... so all I can say is that not all women are more discerning in who they contact. That's statistically meaningless of course because I'm one male and I have no idea how many contacts females get from men that indicate they didn't actually read the profiles they are responding to. More I suspect. Lots more.

1171308-Deleted - 22 Sep, 2017 - 06:01PM

I've noticed this too, not sure if it was from IE interviewing lady on This morning , probably advertised it to many ladies not knowing about the site.

DominicP - 18 Sep, 2017 - 08:53PM

I think it is very very similar to real life, though in some ways a more intense experience.

Both parties are trying to create a positive impression through their profile and hoping to get responses based just on that, whilst at the same time, sending out messages to people whose profile attracts them.

I agree that the profile name is as important as the actual profile and I have to confess the avatar does make an impact too. I can be quite shallow in that fashion :)

If you are lucky to get a response then it is great to chat and see if there is a spark. I never take rejection personally. There may not be a mutual attraction, there may be other factors involved.

Having spoken to a few ladies on here, I think it is the same for them. It is always just a question for working out what you are looking for and making sure that the other party has similar interests.

Equality of the sexes in this instance is most gratifying!

1 member likes this comment.

Doktor Avalanche - 18 Sep, 2017 - 01:30PM

As the great Joe Jackson so memorably said 'It's Different For Girls'.

Reams of messages from men purporting to be international business types fresh from another Iron Man challenge. And blessed VK doodahs all over the shop.

Slightly tubby 51 year old men like myself find themselves in slightly less demand. Odd that.

But. What is definitely the case is that this site DOES have a large female membership. And whilst most won't suit me, nor I them, someone might.

Elsewhere on the interweb this is not so. Try signing up for one of the cheaper, grubbier alternatives chaps. You'll get messages all right. From computer generated profiles claiming to be 21 year old nubiles simply desperate to meet you. Hmm.

So. Best off taking one's chances here I reckon. However minimal they may seem..

2 members like this comment.

wodge - 17 Sep, 2017 - 09:31PM

I even avoid putting my name on here (Roger)...

1 member likes this comment.

Dreamsaremyreality - 17 Sep, 2017 - 05:05PM

it gets pretty random.

I normally read the most recent messages and sometimes I do not manage to read all of the previous ones..

So apologies...All it means is that, you might be luckier if you try again.

It can at times become a very time consuming activity and I like the real world not the virtual one.

1 member likes this comment.

884289-Deleted - 17 Sep, 2017 - 09:41AM

I totally agree with @Theactress names like feeling randy or bj or anything like that put me off

4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 11 Sep, 2017 - 11:50AM

InNeedOfYou66 - 06 Sep, 2017 - 05:30PM

"I can only speak from my perspective but I do contact guys, some of whom ignore and don't reply. Also men who message me and whilst I have missed a couple, as I general rule I do reply even if its a not thanks."

Totally agree.

4 members like this comment.

Aphra2015 - 08 Sep, 2017 - 04:19PM

Couldn't agree more with @The Actress and @InNeedOfYou66 about user-name. It may be something to do with my advanced age, but I wouldn't contact any man whose user-name was overtly sexual and wouldn't respond positively to messages from such either - not quite as big a repellent as posting a dick pic, but on the same trajectory. Subtlety counts, just like it does in the real world.

8 members like this comment.

1152298-Deleted - 06 Sep, 2017 - 05:30PM

I can only speak from my perspective but I do contact guys, some of whom ignore and don't reply. Also men who message me and whilst I have missed a couple, as I general rule I do reply even if its a not thanks.

A lot of guys and gals are very specific on their profile about the sort of person they want, be it personality, hair colour, shape or size. I know if I meet the basic things they are looking for or not and if know don't waste time either sending a message or reply with a polite no.

FeelingRandy - I wouldn't even look at your profile, as forgive me but your name puts me off straight aware as for me personality it just screams "I want meaningless sex" that I assure you is not a criticism as it maybe all you seek but not compatible with what I am looking for...

In the end I guess there has to be some common ground ?

7 members like this comment.

The Actress - 04 Sep, 2017 - 12:15PM

@feeling randy

I sympathise with all your comments, and there's nothing wrong with your profile, it's actually great, BUT..........

Have you considered your user name? I personally would NOT have contacted you (OK, I know I'm far too old), but the point I wish to make is that "Feeling Randy" doesn't suggest----

"I would very much like to engage in a relationship with somebody that lasts more than one date. I am very keen to be more than just physical, but intimate as well"

I'm afraid it suggests something else entirely!!

10 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 03 Sep, 2017 - 12:55PM

It's about quality, I think. Even if you are spoilt for choice, praise quality, praise the connection you have with them. Each person will give you a different energy. You must like that energy, otherwise it's pointless. You must be able to detach and let go on here but it doesn't mean you should not enjoy those you have affinity with.

2 members like this comment.

cruz1989 - 01 Sep, 2017 - 05:53PM

Whatever the numbers are, or whoever initiates the first email, VK or present and then the subsequent responses, there is no formula, unlike real dating this online stuff is all about the charisma of the characters chatting and how they write or phrase the response (Short and snappy, long winded, drifting of in tangents and variants thereof), for some each and/or any of these could work in differing ways, there is no body language to give you a disarming smile or early warning that it's heading south. It is what it is, so be yourself and enjoy the adventure, so remember

"All that is gold does not glitter,
From the ashes a fire shall be wokenā€

(JRR Tolkien - The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring.)

1 member likes this comment.

FeelingRandy - 31 Aug, 2017 - 05:58AM

Interesting post. When I joined up I was wholly expecting that the ladies would be equally as proactive as the men in contacting those profiles they liked. So it was quite a surprise when I quickly learned that after 1 week I had received zero contact. I know that my profile isn't bad, in fact compared to quite a lot of the basic profiles I see, I think I am as good as most of the female profiles I read.

So where does that leave me? Waiting forever for a lady to contact me, or, doing what ever other male is doing and making the effort first.

So yes, I find myself having to contact profiles hoping that my usp opening line gets me a response. Most of the time I either get no reply, or, 'thanks, but your not my type'. Fair enough. But now I'm getting nowhere fast. What's the solution? The numbers game. Send out 10 messages a day which I do not particularly like doing.

So ask yourself the question, if your being inundated with mail, just how many men have you contacted first yourself?

5 members like this comment.

wodge - 26 Aug, 2017 - 02:37PM

I find the most common way for a lady to show interest in me is by sending a present. It is a no risk way to invite the guys to send em an email back. Virtual kisses don't really do it.
As for finding the right person, patience really is the name of the game here but chat and make smalltalk too long or be too cautious, bang, the moment has gone and you have lost her.
In so many ways IE is no different from real life.

10 members like this comment.

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