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Letters to Sara

The one that got away

Have you ever met anybody really, really special, someone you still pine for but is no longer in your life?

Mine is someone I met a few months ago. I actually didn't expect to like him, but we met for a drink and I thought - wow. He was just perfect - very handsome, tall, superfit and also bright, intelligent and all the rest. We chatted for ages and got on fantastically well. I was the very first woman he met in this "world".

Our first intimate date together confirmed we were also compatible (that's some understatement...!), but he also felt very guilty about having crossed the line. He deleted his profile from IE and explained he couldn't do this any longer. I didn't ask him to reconsider.

I'm under no illusions that if his desire was stronger than his guilt, we'd be together. Or perhaps the guilt thing was just a story to spare my feelings. And you know what, it is fine - l'm lucky in that I lose interest very quickly if things aren't reciprocal. I'm quite attractive and have certainly had plenty of male attention since.

And yet, I wonder if I will ever find such close physical and intellectual match.

At least I'm having plenty of fun trying ...

35 members like this.

Comments (44)

Mothorchid - 06 Aug, 2017 - 02:21AM

I am unfortunately heartbroken by th last man I met through IE. He had been having affairs for 20 years and married for 36 years when I met him. I am divorced but had just come out of a relationship and just wanted an affair. We met and by meet three I was in love, after three months he also said he was in love and planned to leave his wife. After six months he told his wife he was leaving her for someone who could make him happy, that was the wrong thing to do. His grown up children were devastated as was his wife and one of his children cut off all communication with him. We planned a future together, but the strain of not being able to communicate with his children led him to the decision to go back to his empty marriage. We still message each other almost daily and love each other, but it has had a dreadful effect on my mental health. He is hoping to see me next week to celebrate our anniversary but I know that it is not a good thing but I feel unable to resist. Quite honestly I wish I had never met him!!

OurSecret02 - 25 Jul, 2017 - 10:39AM

Hi all. I can relate so much to this.

I had a 5 year r/ship with someone from here. It was wonderful in every way. She got divorced after 1 year, but wanted to continue seeing me as a single woman even tho I told her didn't think I could leave my wife.

As time moved on, the differences in our circumstances made her more upset & she finally met someone else as I couldn't commit to her.

It's the worst mistake I've ever made & it's cost me the love of my life. I know she feels just the same.

3 members like this comment.

the maddest sexy hatter - 19 Jun, 2017 - 05:23PM

mmmn .... my take on this is - he wanted sex . He had sex. He moved on . He had to make an excuse so he made it one a woman may go along with ! If you are looking for something deeper than a fling you most probably scared him off !
A lot of guys I know run a mile once the woman gets too intense or shows any sign of emotion .....
Anyway - have fun and don't look back xx

2 members like this comment.

harry9999 - 06 Jun, 2017 - 01:41PM

That's the problem with getting too close, there's always going to be a winner and a loser when it ends. We should just keep it simple and have sex on the first date, I can assure all you ladies I wouldn't feel used !!!!

10 members like this comment.

Sarah19 - 05 Jun, 2017 - 12:07AM

Twilight lady
Probably the wife was the only one not playing a game canny or otherwise

6 members like this comment.

EssieX - 04 Jun, 2017 - 01:03PM

I met someone in real life. He was married. I ended it. He then came on here to meet people. I was upset. Then we got back together and all was ok. He died suddenly last week. I am heartbroken. He was my big love

3 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 03 Jun, 2017 - 10:06AM

What amazes me the most is how much of a 'connection' can be made before sex. If guilt came before sex, I do believe it's there, but after it, NO! Therefore I don't take the bullshit. Call me crazy, intolerant, borderline but I think nothing of men (people in general) who do that and I have no qualms in giving them a piece of my mind.

Friends? Connection? Are you kidding me?? So you say all that deep stuff just to run away soon afterwards? Then you come back months later asking for more? Oh no! Nothing wrong with being casual and nsa about it, but let's be honest about our expectations, even in this IE context. Guilt is very natural but it should be there before anything else goes further. Come on!!

18 members like this comment.

daybreaker43 - 03 Jun, 2017 - 06:16AM

What is the worst thing a man can hear when he has bared his soul to what he believes is the woman of his dreams. 'You are very nice, but just let's be friends.' Please strike this phrase from the English language! Something more imaginative is needed. And friends are much easier to come by than true lovers. And they can go without notice when 'the special one' appears.

4 members like this comment.

gaspod - 02 Jun, 2017 - 10:33PM

I found someone wonderful on here, we were I thought close, if not geographically I thought spiritualy, for over 2 years. She was beautiful and sexy and great, witty company in person or on line, then she dumped me and I still don't really, deeply understand why. I still want her, she doesn't want me. I miss her very much and I wish I could see her again.

9 members like this comment.

sunandmoon - 02 Jun, 2017 - 10:19PM

Win some..lose some.

4 members like this comment.

shortstuff29 - 02 Jun, 2017 - 12:59AM

Very similar here. Had a great time getting to know each other online - met up on a whim, no dressing to impress. Just 100% being ourselves. The chemistry was incredible and fancied each other like mad. Cheeky long snog at the end of the date.... texting later talking about the naughty stuff we wanted from each other and arranged to meet up again. I called it off with a couple of others I had arranged to go on dates with. Then - he said he couldn't go through with it. I respected his decision.

A week later he gets back in touch, saying the same things. Arrange to meet again and he drops me hours before meeting up.

Some very kind men here have told me that he's an idiot, and it's his loss. But I feel I've lost a friend as well as a potential lover.

Thankfully I'm now in touch with some nice men. But it still has had quite an impact on my confidence.

12 members like this comment.

crosstheline - 01 Jun, 2017 - 11:18PM

9+ years with a fellow I.E. member who ended it for his mental health. Bit pants to find out about his MH so late in the day and realise that I wasn't as huge a part of his life as he was mine. Though I never wanted to run off with him, ever, it was hard. doing ok now, but he will always have a piece of my heart.

6 members like this comment.

Thumos - 01 Jun, 2017 - 08:58PM

Mine got away after the first coffee...

It was the first IE meeting for both of us. We got on really well, but were both unsure (shy) about moving onwards. Shortly after that hesitation my work took me elsewhere in the country and the opportunity to rectify our shyness was lost...

We stayed in touch for quite some time after that, trading our respective 'naughty tales', and agreeing we had both missed out...

*Sigh*

1 member likes this comment.

notsomarriedman - 01 Jun, 2017 - 12:54PM

But that's life, there isn't a test (simple or complicated) to wheedle anybody out. Not on IE or out there in the normal world. Just your instinct and whatever baggage you're carrying.
(Anybody who is on here and claims not to have baggage might benefit from a little introspection)

There are lots male and female players on here but mysteriously it's never us, always somebody else.
Amazing!

9 members like this comment.

Heaven13 - 01 Jun, 2017 - 12:28AM

Seven years with someone I have met on IE. The most amazing experience. But it all had to end. Not because of me I must add... It all has to end I suppose. I am optimistic of finding someone equally worthy.

9 members like this comment.

amber57 - 01 Jun, 2017 - 12:23AM

I ,only was here 2month and we met , than we lost each other again , because we forgot to exchange phone numbers, 1 month later met him again , this time we been together 9 month, if you remember you all ladies and gents helped me i fell in love with him , it should be taboo but you cant tell your heart not too, i closed my account when i was with him, over a year now , and he come bk and yes , i will close it again . the one who come bk.
i take that opportunity , to thank you ladies and Gent, for your amazing help when i lost him. maybe it will be , just perfect.
Regards to all of you and thank you so much!
Amber57

4 members like this comment.

amber57 - 31 May, 2017 - 12:17AM

Yes,i all happens in every ones life, we try to stay faithfull, the years passing us by , what once was our great love , for ever going stale, , in marriage, is gone. what once was working as a couple , but missing out what other have,Freedom,Fun , Exietment, goes under with obligations ,work, Familie and so on,no more time for the special need we all wanting, till we look to get it from some other person, men/female alike.
Just ,enjoy who ever you be with,it helps to live up to ur commitments,as u have some one to escape with , from reality!
Amber57

3 members like this comment.

Pm fun11 - 30 May, 2017 - 04:09PM

The exact same thing happened to me. I met this really attractive, intelligent woman on here. We met for coffee and had an immediate mutual attraction, but she had doubts that she was doing the right thing.

However, she agreed to meet again and on the second occasion we were very close to making the relationship, shall we say "physical", but she couldn't go through with it and felt she would not feel able to go home and pretend nothing had happened.

... and so here I am back on I.E. again and hoping that lightning might strike again!

6 members like this comment.

bemygoddessbemymuse - 30 May, 2017 - 10:03AM

Tricia27&LL: as a man I have the opposite experience. Was booted out after 5x & 1x for no other reason then being a notch on bed posts of females, despite very clear communications on my side (and confirmations) --both counting for nothing.
Teicu: "perfect guys" vice versa where are the perfect women? Alas yet I don't believe in perfect. I am not so why expect otherwise? One has to create the perfect fantasy with another, hope that the other is not taking advantage of that and hope that the other does not lack any fantasy.
To all: keep safe, calm and sane in your search.

6 members like this comment.

1127580-Deleted - 30 May, 2017 - 09:06AM

Luscious Lady - 30 May, 2017 - 12:05AM

"Personally I think there are many men who pretend they want a relationship when really they only ever intend to have a one off encounter"

Unfortunately I think you are right, just wish there was a simple test to wheedle them out lol

19 members like this comment.

1143973-Deleted - 30 May, 2017 - 12:05AM

Personally I think there are many men who pretend they want a relationship when really they only ever intend to have a one off encounter .Consequently after the intimacy the excuse is the guilt factor .Or it could be that the earth didn't move for them but they want to save your feelings .Either way don't waste your life thinking about them .Plenty more fish in the sea.

11 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 29 May, 2017 - 09:43PM

Teicu - 29 May, 2017 - 09:10PM
"where are these perfect guys?!!"

I'm thinking the same here ... :-(

4 members like this comment.

Teicu - 29 May, 2017 - 09:13PM

twilight lady

Hmm I'm not sure if I would have believed his story about his wife playing a 'very canny game'...more likely he got a touch of nerves. That sounds like the perfect excuse to me

8 members like this comment.

Teicu - 29 May, 2017 - 09:10PM

Interesting letter and responses. I'm amazed....where are these perfect guys?!!

5 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 29 May, 2017 - 08:31PM

Twilight Lady - 28 May, 2017 - 07:36AM
"his wife played a very canny game"

I'm sorry but she IS the wife ... if anyone was playing a "game" it was you ... she has the right to make the marriage work ... you don't have the right to criticise her for it.

12 members like this comment.

catwoman1406 - 29 May, 2017 - 05:32PM

Yes Tricia.. I have to agree with what you said in lots of ways.
I read your profile and we are very similar,
except I'm single and a bit smaller size wise.
Still a curvy bubbly girl.

I met someone on here who was one of the very few men I have ever met in my life that was SO compatible with me mentally, emotionally and definitely sexually.

The difference was he wasn't tall, super fit and handsome.
In fact very ordinary looking, too slim, glasses, balding and a bit "geeky" looking.
He was quiet, very reserved and I though Oh so NOT what I wanted!
but he had a great voice, lovely warm personality and an amazing, hilarious and zany sense of humour that was so unexpected.

His availability didn't really suit me due to his hectic job and a very difficult situation at home but we gave it a go..
and it was wonderful! for a year.

Due to his home circumstances we can no longer meet..
but we still speak or text every day.








5 members like this comment.

Rocketing - 29 May, 2017 - 12:45PM

I think your lette is extremely touching..I met a lad here a few years ago who I hugely enjoyed time wit...great company and friendship outside and inside the bedroom.

However her marriage ended and she politely brought us to an end as well wanting a non illicit relationship that I couldn't give. We met a few times for a drink after with me helping her through some tough times...she then found another partner and we occasionally message and track each other on FB but no more than that. Fond happy memories of meeting someone who became a genuine friend.

Happily I rejoined IE a few weeks ago and an talking with a lovely lady ....hopefully it will work out equally happily again. x

perfect mistress material - 28 May, 2017 - 06:01PM

In my experience once one has climbed Everest ,or reached Nirvana , nothing can compare really, but on the positive side there can still be pleasant times available , though not the same .

1 member likes this comment.

Twilight Lady - 28 May, 2017 - 07:36AM

I think we all have one that got away! I certainly do....
Perfect fit... handsome, generous, caring.....but his wife played a very canny game. After we'd bn seeing each other for about three months she booked them a holiday. They talked about the state of their marriage and agreed to try and perk it up.... hence, given his nature... he decided he couldn't do this with me in his life!!!
We kept in touch for a while and even met for lunch a couple of times.
But seems her canny game paid off because he then felt guilty about mtg me even platonically... and now we are no longer in touch.
But every time I see a fit guy in cycling club gear I think of him....and occasionally shed a tear!
It's hard.... but that's the nature of this game!!!

1 member likes this comment.

infinite_m8rix - 27 May, 2017 - 03:39PM

In the real world, yes, I do look back quite fondly on one of my girlfriend-ish experiences (she wasn't quite a gf, but not quite an IE situation either). I prefer to cherish the memory, instead of seeing it as a girl who "got away".

On a different note, I've heard many stories from ladies here where the man has packed up and left after the first intimate meeting. Frankly, it's difficult to tell how many of these men had this planned all along, and how many reasons are genuine.

For what it's worth, be happy to have experienced what you did, but don't attach too much importance to him as he's history! Look forward to your next encounter and enjoy yourself!

2 members like this comment.

Pretty fun female - 27 May, 2017 - 01:55PM

OP
your story sounds exactly the same as what's happened to me a few months ago too,

daybreaker43 - 27 May, 2017 - 05:28AM

That is the problem, not just on this site but in life generally. There is always that person who seems perfect and someone ends up getting hurt. As Amy said 'Love is a Losing Game'. If there is any consolation to be had, it is in the knowledge that you did have that wonderful time. Many, many people never experience it. We have to keep looking, I am finding that there is something around every corner.

1 member likes this comment.

1146257-Deleted - 26 May, 2017 - 08:57PM

I know exactly what you mean about always wondering if someone else on here will match up the way my man in a million did. He also felt guilty and went back to try with his wife. I wasn't jealous or annoyed. I actually felt happy for him. However, I know he has set the bar and so I might now be a bit picky. I am having fun trying too

1 member likes this comment.

Tantalising - 26 May, 2017 - 08:34PM

My 16 months have ended with a member whose company excited me and I felt was so so right for me I shall miss him terribly and as a previous member has said 'he is irreplaceable. That is the price we pay with finding a member who makes us smile and makes our heart sing

2 members like this comment.

Kontessa - 26 May, 2017 - 07:09PM

I met someone who could (scarily) almost read my mind and he was the same devastated by guilt.

I think a lot of guys need to get it straight in their heads that if they feel they need to come on here IT IS BECAUSE SOMETHING IS MISSING AT HOME even if the woman they are married to is a saint.

I think the other problem is the kids.

Especially if they're grown up kids. My daughter knows I am on this website and knows why. She is in her mid 30s and s entirely trustworthy and sensible and will never drop me in it because hse is mature well beyond her years.

A lot of men are scared poo less that they're kids are going to find out, side with Mum and they will be estranged from possibly their grandchildren too.

The kids 30+ need to understand that Dad has a right to have his needs answered too.

I reckon your Mr. Guilty will be back.

Time will tell

And in the interim - have fun !! x

1 member likes this comment.

Gymfit8 - 26 May, 2017 - 06:37PM

I met a guy last year, I vowed it would be my last IE because I didn't want to be the other woman anymore. Well when I saw him in the pub garden, I thought 'wow' he is perfect, handsome, fit, tanned, great body, bald but handsome. We got on had a great connection but with that came feelings I had never had for someone before, we saw each other for about six months, living over an hour away from each other was a problem so we still remain friends by text and the odd call and meet but the feelings are still there.....I live in hope that wants to find happiness with me one day

1 member likes this comment.

bemygoddessbemymuse - 26 May, 2017 - 03:18PM

Wow x2, not alone:
7 months of supernatural magic physical, verbal and intellectual compatibility; me being tall, superfit, bright, the rest and 1st timer, so that matches.
The rest does not match: I am looking for a substitute, which is wrong, but rationality and emotion are mismatched; I still don't understand how and what went wrong but I do know I was wanted even after break-up. The romance did not run its course, which is worse than the other person disappearing to another country and very painful.
I have had no fun trying: people not showing up, leaving bills of 100 pounds paid for nothing; I don't mind paying and being a gentleman but when people claim to be social and simply can't be bothered to call off and apologise, well, then it cannot be called fun, can it? But apparently the response to that is: chill out, it should be fun and carefree? I guess I am an alien from another planet, and a romantic within the boundaries set. I wish you the fun I have not found yet.

3 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 26 May, 2017 - 01:49PM

That's why I never without exception go for men who have never strayed. They ALWAYS get guilty and break things off.
It's fine if you only want casual but otherwise it can be at best annoying and frustrating and at worst very hurtful.
Men invariably think they are ready willing and able ...but if this is their first time..they are not.

5 members like this comment.

The cats whiskers - 26 May, 2017 - 11:41AM

That happened to me exactly as the OP
Described it­čś│

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 26 May, 2017 - 11:40AM

He was handsome, urbane and wealthy, an international troubleshooter for a "big pharma' Company, and I fell for him.

We chatted on, and then off, site; where we talked of all manner of things until finally they turned to sex, and we began a SKYPE affair. He'd be in Lexington, or Madrid, or Delhi; we chatted and ****ed over the screen, but STILL we'd never met......

Until 6 months later----it was electric, but it was in public, so no chance for anything more, and so back to SKYPE. where, after another 6 months, I ended it.....realising, sadly, that I was just a diversion when he was abroad, and horny, in an otherwise empty hotel room.

He lured me back, for one glorious Hotel afternoon, (to keep me on-line, I think), but I'm a woman, I need a real body next to me, so I said a final "goodbye"

I still think of him occasionally; I don't even know if he WAS married, or if his "family" was his escape clause. It no longer matters; he is, and always will be, a wonderful memory, that's all.

Summer girl472 - 26 May, 2017 - 11:34AM

What a simply lovely heartfelt letter such a shame that he felt guilty and bowed out,my IE did that to me due to religious reasons

3 members like this comment.

Happy sweet girl - 26 May, 2017 - 11:25AM

Op
That story sounds exactly similar to what happened to me.He wasn't from overseas per chance....

3 members like this comment.

FLEUR16 - 26 May, 2017 - 11:14AM

Awww Tricia
Bless you I feel and here what your saying load and clear....... I had the same it was glorious while it lasted and created some beautiful memories. Mine was from IE they are here the beautiful ones just very hard to find!
Take care chic x

7 members like this comment.

1127580-Deleted - 26 May, 2017 - 09:08AM

Mine was a guy I met but not from here, we had 7 glorious months, we were compatible in every way there is both sexually and otherwise, the sex was out of this world.
We were deep friends as well as lovers.
That was 20 months ago and I miss him still, I've come to accept that I probably always will.

Am I looking for his substitute ? no of course not, he is irreplaceable.

27 members like this comment.

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