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Letters to Sara

Affair Rules

Dear IE’s,
Please can I ask what rules you set for yourself upon embarking on an
I’m new(ish) to all of this but would appreciate your comments xx

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Comments (13)

SunshineForever - 29 Mar, 2020 - 08:43PM

I make sure we are both in agreement as regards contacting one another. Also our expectations on the amount of times we may meet. Anything after that can be discussed over the usual getting to know process. Good luck x

Caravaggia - 27 Mar, 2020 - 01:00PM

I think the most important thing is communication and establishing what you both want is similar in shape. Discuss how often you would feel happy with meeting. Discuss the importance of protection. Discuss the importance of ground rules - for example I would NEVER ring the mobile phone of my IE without prior agreement AND establish how you are going to communicate - email, text, whatsapp, Kik etc What kind of meetings do you want - is an afternoon/day hotel enough or do you insist on the occasional overnight (for me that is imperative) but not all can "escape" for that. Ensure you are both up for being very discreet. This is just a start......... I like weekends away, decent meals and the establishing of a proper relationship - I don't mean falling in love I just mean really getting on with the other person. For me sex is only part of it. Emotional intimacy and an intellectual connection means a lot (and makes the sex better !!!) So talk and find out what you both want from this.

1 member likes this comment.

ComeDanceWithMe - 27 Mar, 2020 - 05:48AM

I should have added to my comment below that we have agreed neither of us want to change our home situation and that no one will get hurt. Also that we won't take the risk of getting caught when contacting each other and meeting.

Totally agree with those who say it will end sooner or later, but that is the case with all human relationships. They end by separation or in some cases death.

Would be interested to know whether anyone has a rule that they won't have other liaisons?

Unsure why rules depend on whether you're male or female, surely if you have a 'rule' in a relationship it applies to both.

We have an understanding, rather than a rule, that we don't address each other by our own first names to avoid using them at the wrong moment at home!

OnedayinMay - 25 Mar, 2020 - 11:25PM

Depends if you're male or female.

Thickhead1314 - 25 Mar, 2020 - 09:46PM

Same advice I gave to youngsters going for interviews. "Make up your mind what you will think if you don't get the job. i.e. be ready for disappointment."
Affairs are the same. Vast majority will end sooner or later. Be ready for that time and accept it as a natural consequence.

RumplesBear - 25 Mar, 2020 - 01:18PM


Stay in, anything else isn't worth it, and I've been ill; so keeping away from pretty much everyone. ("Mild symptoms", yeah right)

Find a new hobby maybe? I hate gardening. The front and back are looking mighty tempting at the moment. Anything else can wait.

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Appreciating_Classic - 24 Mar, 2020 - 05:23PM

I think that each person needs to make their own rules based on what their expectations of using this site are. You’ll know yourself what you’re comfortable with and how you want an IE to proceed. Just so long as you and the person you meet respect each other’s situation then that’s the main thing.

Oh, and don’t get caught. ;o)

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Dreamtime - 24 Mar, 2020 - 05:16PM

Everyone has a different aim, view, experience, comfort level so these is nothing universal. Just do what suits you.

Dreamtime - 24 Mar, 2020 - 05:16PM

Everyone has a different aim, view, experience, comfort level so these is nothing universal. Just do what suits you.

1 member likes this comment.

Dream-seeker - 24 Mar, 2020 - 01:45PM

be really respectful of eachother and the needs that brought you both together in the first place ...affairs generally end and it will, very often, hurt. enjoy it while you can without taking it for granted...

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Raquel12 - 24 Mar, 2020 - 12:56PM

New affair rules for the current moment:
1- Keep it virtual.
2- Keep it virtual and don't get caught.
3- Protect yourself and family on all levels. Don't catch covid-19 because of an affair.

5 members like this comment.

ComeDanceWithMe - 24 Mar, 2020 - 12:35PM

We agreed that we didn't want to change our present situations, that no one would get hurt, and that we would be discreet so that our oh s wouldn't find out.

That's it in a nutshell.

We only text when safe to do so and if there's a risk we don't. There's always tomorrow, at least we can hope so in these troubled times.

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Teicu - 24 Mar, 2020 - 11:35AM

Don’t get caught !!

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