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Letters to Sara

Advice Please

Hey everyone,
I would like to share my experience with you guys and have some 2nd opinions.
I have been married for 6 years now and I have 1 child.I love my son so much and can't imagine being away from him, the problem is that I'm unhappy in my marriage and I've been trying to move away and be honest and speak up about how I feel but nothing changes.I can't leave and live away from my child and at the same time I lost intimacy and passion in my marriage and seems to me that she was not the one.Anyone feels the same as me ?

12 members like this.

Comments (19)

Lilit - 13 Mar, 2020 - 09:11PM

By the way, guys, it is site for adult meetings(whatever it means), some want just straight and simple sex and nothing more, some seeking emotional connections, many more just virtual friends( I was especially lucky with that :)). I would advise the author of the letter togoogle ILIASMdotorg - it is very supportive community. Hope it helps!

theartoftouch - 12 Mar, 2020 - 02:03PM

Well, imagine meeting 6 men a year, consecutively say, so over 5 years that is 30 different men. Numbers: 1, 2, 3, ..., 30. Imagine how much fun, f-u-n, that would be. Or I ask the others on here: what is the fun of that? [Replace men by women etc.] That is all yours if you want to.

Secondhand Rose - 07 Mar, 2020 - 10:54AM

I can understand, (as much as any outsider), how difficult this is for you, but surely the most important relationship is the one you have with your son. (as "Black Gent", so succinctly says -- mother's are not fathers), SO, maybe you should read all the letters in the other thread; the one concerning the possibility that affairs do not necessarily ruin marriages.

If you can find another, totally discreet, relationship here; one which provides what is missing for (both of) you, and restores some of your self confidence, maybe, knowing that someone else thinks you're great, could give you the strength to stay in your marriage for your son's sake.

Advice from someone whose parents DID split up, and who knows what it feels like to be used as ammunition, in a continuing war!

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 06 Mar, 2020 - 12:20AM

OnedayinMay - 29 Feb, 2020 - 03:19PM
"You don't believe me? Contact me and I'll explain."

Perhaps you attract these "single" women … perhaps these "single" women don't know what kind of site they are on … I certainly don't waste my time analysing it. Each to their own.

5 members like this comment.

A_J1358 - 02 Mar, 2020 - 08:44AM

Unless your relationship is so bad that it is a toxic environment for your child, you must stay put. If you love your son, you will do what is best for him. That is to provide a stable loving environment with both mother and father. You must come to terms with your wife with your sons needs specifically in mind. Your relationship with your wife is second priority but I am sure worth salvaging. Try to concentrate on the positives that brought you together in the first place
If its just the sex thats a proplem , then it is just that; just sex. This website may help you since here there are many people in the same situation. In particular, there are many people who seek to supplement the intimacy and passion but do not intend harming their home relationship

3 members like this comment.

OnedayinMay - 29 Feb, 2020 - 03:19PM

@Sunshineforever:- If you are going to post private details about your intimate and emotional life on a forum full of people you know nothing about, it's naieve and a little stupid to think that everyone will agree with you. If you don't want to hear what everyone might think, don't give everyone the opportunity to comment.

@ExoticOrchid:- The title suggest it's an adultery site but there are also an awful lot of women here who are single (or say they are) looking for men who are too. I don't understand.

@Both:- You don't believe me? Contact me and I'll explain.

2 members like this comment.

SunshineForever - 28 Feb, 2020 - 04:52PM

@OnedayinMay; What do you think the point of the ‘Letters to Sara’ are all about if not to receive support? Once again another insensitive comment from you! If you can’t say anything nice then keep it shut!

9 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 28 Feb, 2020 - 04:37PM

OnedayinMay - 26 Feb, 2020 - 04:46PM
"This is a dating site,"
Well it is an *adultery" dating site so not quite the same, is it.

"not an emotional support community."
Sometimes it is helpful to hear what others here have to say, especially as being on IE is not something one can talk about to one's "real" life friends.

7 members like this comment.

Serialencounter - 27 Feb, 2020 - 04:14PM

You are experiencing marriage. It's what everyone else gets. Its also going to be yet more challenging and demanding as the years go by. If you are here for a fling, that should be enough to get a smile on your face and put a spring in your step. Then work what you can on the homefront.

8 members like this comment.

Kinkytqmaster - 27 Feb, 2020 - 01:48PM

Hi Poster, Yes your situation resonates. I had an affair with a Married lady for 5 years, it only ended as her work/ life situation changed. all throughout, my home life improved, as I wasn't angry or frustrated any more.
wife wasn't interested in sex, but the rest of home life was good.
so i found those years quite happy, i even coached my lover how to seduce her husband to out some spark back into the marriage, which was very successful, too successful, as they got on better, had more marital sex, she needed me less.. lol. such is life. do no harm.

6 members like this comment.

OnedayinMay - 26 Feb, 2020 - 04:46PM

@SunshineForever:- Your comment makes no sense. This is a dating site, not an emotional support community.

1 member likes this comment.

SunshineForever - 25 Feb, 2020 - 05:56PM

@OnedayinMay; Once again your reply makes no sense. I do wonder why you bother to read Letters to Sara in the first place!

8 members like this comment.

OnedayinMay - 23 Feb, 2020 - 10:21PM

I have no idea why anyone would want to share that kind of information in a place like this.

4 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 22 Feb, 2020 - 07:16AM

This site has a lot of unhappy men and women who can't leave for one reason or another or waiting for kids to grow up or go off to uni. I think this site is where people married for a long time can dip their toe in the water and see what is on the outside world, having been away from dating for so long. I know I did when I was in an unhappy marriage, met a lovely guy and he made me realise that there was life out there and that confirmed to me that I could be happy by not being married.

3 members like this comment.

Black Gent - 22 Feb, 2020 - 02:46AM

Sorry to hear. The issue is one of the ag of the child. I believe that the child has bonded with you and you with him. Boys need fathers. Mothers are not fathers. I mean no disrespect to the single women who try to do both. Please read "The Boy Crisis" by Dr Warren Farrell to understand what could happen to boys whose fathers become absent. Many men get out manoeuvred in a divorce and the courts automatically give the mother custody unless there is clear physical abuse of the worst kind.

It may be that this website keeps you safe and gives you a breathing space.

5 members like this comment.

SunshineForever - 20 Feb, 2020 - 09:26PM

So sorry to read this poster. I have no doubt many people on here can relate to your situation. They say walking away can be the easier option and to a point that can be right, so why not consider counselling? That way you will receive professional help and who knows, it may help more than you’d ever imagined. If it doesn’t then you’ll know you’ve tried your best.
Whatever you decide, I wish you well.

6 members like this comment.

TheWayWeWere69 - 19 Feb, 2020 - 09:21PM

I think you may find a lot of people - men and women on this site will be able to relate to what you have said. It can be so very difficult when young children are involved and you feel you can't or don't want to totally break away for fear or losing or missing them. If you feel unheard in your relationship and have tried to make things better, this is an admirable thing but you can't 'fix' a relationship on your own. It takes two people to want to resolve the issues that are affecting it. I wish you well and hope you can find someone who perhaps in the short term can make your situation a bit more bearable and bring you some happiness, intimacy and passion. Go well.

6 members like this comment.

Jackiew - 19 Feb, 2020 - 08:28PM

Oh yes indeed . I envy the Facebook perfect lover people .

Sweet proposal - 19 Feb, 2020 - 03:40PM

Hi poster. First sorry about the situation you’re in. I’m sure if we were all sincere, we would agree that a lot of people on this site are in the same position as you.
It’s tough, but in my opinion, if you feel she’s not the one for you, please find the courage to walk away and make it amicable for the sake of your child.
BUT if you still love each other and the sex and intimacy is not happening then you may want to give it some time- seek help from a 3rd party by way of counseling.
This site is not a place to seek a life partner, remember that. If you decide to go the way of counseling and you really want your marriage to work, then maybe get off this site and throw all you have at making your marriage work.All the very very best. Big hugs 🤗

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