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Who pays the hotel room bill?


Please can I ask others who use this site who pays when you meet up?

I’m currently ‘seeing’ someone from here and he paid the bill (Premier
Inn). Should I offer to pay the
second time or assume he will...or offer to pay half?

Prior to that we met for drinks and we both went to the bar.

So am just wondering how this worked out for others and If you had an
‘agreement’ as such?


8 members like this.

Comments (46)

Apple Crumble - 17 Feb, 2020 - 06:33PM

For me... It's not about stereotypical roles, or female independence ... It's about personal circumstances.

I used to earn a good wage, but at this point in my life, I work part time, to fit around my family, and just wouldn't have the disposable income for hotel rooms.
If a man is working full time, with a good salary and can afford the hotel ... Then that's good for me.

For some couples it could be that the lady earns more ...
I don't believe it's down to gender.

As long as both are happy then it's all good :)

7 members like this comment.

Goodkitty - 17 Feb, 2020 - 11:11AM

He pays via credit card then pay half cash , of course . Not a charity shag dear. Not good to be kept these days. Retain your independence.
No trail with cash .

2 members like this comment.

theartoftouch - 16 Feb, 2020 - 01:27PM

She wanted to split because otherwise she felt like a whore so we split the bill, except the last time. So I pointed out her rule since she overstepped the agreed mark, by contacting and/or seeing more extra men during our stint, despite agreeing not to do so. Then she paid the money to a charity since I probably would not want the money. I did not want it normally speaking except this time because it was an honour situation and it is up to me to decide whether to donate it or not and not up to her. I leave it to you (all) to decide whether she is now a whore according to her (imo silly) rule or not. Enjoy your weekend. Double standards, 2nd time, so I should have known better.

2 members like this comment.

1363424-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2020 - 06:56AM

I am lucky enough to be a high earner and would expect to either split the bill or take it in turns. If the chap was in a a low paid job, I'd pay every time.

sex me up - 13 Feb, 2020 - 05:26PM

im worth dinner and a room, men pay for good company and great sex, or working girls would be broke, dont be a cheapskate or join a free hook-up site and meet cheap chavs,as in most things in life you get what you pay for.The sex is my way of a thank you.

7 members like this comment.

Iwonderif72? - 13 Feb, 2020 - 03:40PM

Whilst some men may feel it's outdated and sexist for the male to pay- the fact remains that in the majority of situations the man will still earn more than the female. You only have to look at studies regarding equal pay- we are still a long way off that happening. The pay gap remains.
So yes- I would want the man to pay- sorry to disagree. Until we really are in a fair society- which is still a long way off- why should the male get all the benefits?

5 members like this comment.

Sportster1200L - 10 Feb, 2020 - 10:11AM

As its a mutually beneficial arrangement each party should pay, or at least offer to pay, according to their means, just like any other arrangement that involves money.

Anything else is outdated and sexist.

5 members like this comment.

1362652-Deleted - 09 Feb, 2020 - 12:07AM

What a happy decision, i never get that far lol. Maybe he uses a company account and maybe not. Its whatever feels right for the two of you, just ask him and see what he says and take it from there.

1 member likes this comment.

Caravaggia - 08 Feb, 2020 - 01:14AM

Sunshine forever - well you certainly have got my number if you think I give the impression of thinking I am too intelligent !!! This made me smile for a whole afternoon so thank you for this ! You are right of course - However the rest of you get a grip - I have two degrees but have never earned more than 22 grand - why - because I have t**ts and a fan*y. If you really feel there is no glass ceiling then christ almighty look again.

anyway if I meet a man earning in excess of 96 grand yes I effin well do expect him to pay for the hotel room. Never mind you whingers talking about equality. What's really interesting here is that I have been on this site for over five years off and on and my honesty has always lead the way - not one single man has asked me for any money - but there again I am extremely careful - on the other hand I am generous with my tip of the restaurant. Some of you say nothing about eating and mock me - fools - the act of eating together and discussing things has great intimacy!

10 members like this comment.

nacnonna - 06 Feb, 2020 - 11:08AM

So much for female independence! Of course it should be split. Everything should be. That's what makes it equal. How can anyone possibly believe that in 2020 it's ok to assume that one side of the partnership will routinely pay more simply because of their gender? If one side of the partnership specifically wants to pay for something - that's fine, but to be affronted if an offer of paying half is accepted, or a request to pay half is made is just crazy. To claim that it's "chivalrous" (a term that almost exclusively applies to males) to pay is just manipulation. The inference is that one is not chivalrous if one believes it should be an equal partnership. Arrange circumstances which work for both of you. Be prepared to pay your half. Get to know more about each other and then make changes if needs be.

4 members like this comment.

takenononsense - 05 Feb, 2020 - 04:03PM

Exotic Orchid
lol, a bit like your 'lessons' ;)

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 05 Feb, 2020 - 01:43PM

takenononsense - 05 Feb, 2020 - 08:48AM
takenononsense - 05 Feb, 2020 - 08:50AM

Oh honey, thank you so much for the English lesson … I am very, very grateful and yes, of course, after such a forceful reprimand, I have DEFINITELY GOT IT!!!

5 members like this comment.

takenononsense - 05 Feb, 2020 - 08:50AM

ExoticOrchid (continuing)
So I know, darling, everyone's situation is different! Do you??

takenononsense - 05 Feb, 2020 - 08:48AM

@Exotic orchid

'Not all women are financially independent to be "splitting the bill" and not all divorced women live off their "ex-hubbies" … !!!'

That's my point, exactly! You didn't understand what I said. I clearly stated first: 'I personally think bills should be shared if both can afford to pay,' Got it?

Then I went on to say: 'What I think it's funny is knowing some ladies who are divorced and living off their ex husbands' income, preaching about women sharing the bill or offering to pay for some herself.'

I said I know SOME ladies. SOME- I didn't say ALL. Got it? It could be the ex hubby's income or rich family's income, but the fact is that they preach! They judge! They are anti-women, being women. They defend macho, sexist males and make other women feel small, when they don't look at their own reflection.

2 members like this comment.

nonsensical - 04 Feb, 2020 - 11:40AM

Old Fashion ways are the thing of the past. Equality goes both ways. So paying Dutch is okay in my books.

3 members like this comment.

Windsweptandinteresting - 04 Feb, 2020 - 06:32AM

Gentleman always pays in my book but I guess that's probably an old fashioned view.

6 members like this comment.

Callie - 04 Feb, 2020 - 01:09AM

I am seeing a lovely guy and he pays for the room and I pay for dinner it’s good arrangement I think x

4 members like this comment.

Dayveed - 03 Feb, 2020 - 07:40PM

The quality of letters hasn't improved much over the years. Here's a thought, try talking to each other. A gentleman will always offer to pay. A scally will have left his wallet at home with the missus! If you feel it's the right thing to do then offer some payment. If you don't and the guy says he's okay with it, then you're all set. Why do you need an opinion poll.

5 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 03 Feb, 2020 - 04:01PM

Horses for courses innit.

Not all women are financially independent to be "splitting the bill" and not all divorced women live off their "ex-hubbies" … !!!

Please remember everyone's situation is different.

5 members like this comment.

King gorgeous - 03 Feb, 2020 - 02:42PM

I would expect for then to offer half at least and would probably take them up on it seeing as I'm skint lol

susan104 - 03 Feb, 2020 - 01:00AM

Men I speak to on here often tell me how expensive it is for them to be on here where as us ladies are free so I think if they meet someone and come of here what’s the harm in the man paying the hotel he would probably still be saving money xx

6 members like this comment.

YessirYessir - 02 Feb, 2020 - 11:35PM

I’m happy to pay half and would always offer xx

3 members like this comment.

Loki1977 - 02 Feb, 2020 - 07:57PM

Unsure if this is constructive, but I guess in an affair you come to your own conclusions/arrangements eventually. It’s a little find your feet at first, but I’ve generally found that who instigated the invitation for an occasion, it’s an honourable thing to do. That was kind of how things went last time, and thankfully having met someone of good character this time, she doesn’t view it one sided. I’m going to sound like an idiot, but for me an affair warrants a little more than a premier, so I am happy to cover the cost for a little more ambience.

4 members like this comment.

CoKo21 - 01 Feb, 2020 - 06:39PM

I agree with Rarity. It's nice to share. In my very long term relationship, we had established a mutually supportive way of doing things, neither of us being rich, but both enjoying nice things in life, as far as was possible. He would get hotel one time, me dinner (yes, we always had a relaxing dinner before an overnight stay), the next time, I would get hotel and he would get dinner. I do appreciate this doesn't work for everyone and that, for a short term relationship, perhaps things have to be organised differently, most especially if the hours are snatched ones which preclude dinner. Over the years, 11 of them, until his death, I am sure he paid more - his hotel choices were usually more swish than mine, but not off the scale. But this arrangement worked for us, both earning, both with our own credit cards. I know this would not suit everyone or fit everyone's financial circumstances.

4 members like this comment.

Teicu - 01 Feb, 2020 - 12:36PM

Bloody hell women!! In this day and age you should be splitting the bill. Come on. Works both ways you know

3 members like this comment.

takenononsense - 01 Feb, 2020 - 11:44AM

I personally think bills should be shared if both can afford to pay, but I am financially independent and earn my own income. What I think it's funny is knowing some ladies who are divorced and living off their ex husbands' income, preaching about women sharing the bill or offering to pay for some herself. As soon as they join any dating site, they claim they share everything because it's what women should do nowadays. Equal rights. But it's all ok when ex hubbies are paying for their dates and other luxuries.

4 members like this comment.

Joelgray3 - 31 Jan, 2020 - 07:21PM

Men should pay, certainly til you decide you have something long term. Then a once in a while gesture from the woman should suffice. It may be the 21st century but there is nothing wrong with chivalry

9 members like this comment.

SunshineForever - 31 Jan, 2020 - 06:50PM

@Caravaggia...I think what you are saying is that you feel you are too intelligent to answer this particular question. In which case, I’d say don’t bother if you feel it’s below you to answer. I really don’t understand why you have. As for contributing towards ‘food’...not everyone eats!

1 member likes this comment.

Cuteness73 - 31 Jan, 2020 - 03:58PM

I'm a poverty stricken poet but I still offer to go halves.
Curse my stubborn, independent streak.

3 members like this comment.

Dreamtime - 31 Jan, 2020 - 12:22PM

Just a personal thing but it would really put me off if the man didn't offer to pay, or accepted my offer to pay. But that's just me. The best advice is to do what you're happy with and don't resent each other

1 member likes this comment.

Caravaggia - 31 Jan, 2020 - 07:57AM

Let me be clear here. I have read my original post and in that post I did NOT say I discussed salaries. You people have made false assumptions without reading what I'd put. I am far too sensitive and intelligent to actually be vulgar enough to discuss salaries.

For heaven's sake, it's all part of the general appraising we do on this site. And, dare I say it, a question of common sense. I've never had a problem with this subject at all.

4 members like this comment.

Why...not? - 31 Jan, 2020 - 07:49AM

Have you considered talking to him?!

Isn't communication here key more than ever?
Bit odd that you've shared the most intimate parts of your body yet you've not had this conversation?

The relationships I've had have always been based on mutual trust, communication and fun. I'm not looking for a mistress, though, have always found the concept just a bit weird but appreciate it works for others!

1 member likes this comment.

Caravaggia - 31 Jan, 2020 - 07:45AM

Tea_coffee_me. I never discuss salaries but appraise in exactly the same way as yourself. Obviously if someone is a director of a household name compay and turns up in a brand new Mercedes or a Pancreatic Specialist turning up in a similar vehicle then it would seem to me that they are slightly better off than me! Slightly is an understatement by the way.

In four years off and on this site I have never paid for the hotel. But I contribute as appropriate towards food.

3 members like this comment.

Midnightincantation - 31 Jan, 2020 - 01:36AM


3 members like this comment.

chris19389 - 30 Jan, 2020 - 11:39AM

If it was a man with his mistress then I'd certainly expect the man to pay for everything.

Even for an affair it seems somehow more romantic that way? But honestly you're both getting something out of the relationship, so it seems fair to consider that both of you should put something in. Put some skin in the game, as it were. Er...

Also it may be worth considering if it is easier for one of you to hide the bills from their spouse.

6 members like this comment.

SunshineForever - 29 Jan, 2020 - 07:11PM

The idea of discussing salaries is ridiculous @ Caravaggio. Who in the right mind would even do that, I really don’t know.

It’s an interesting question and I’m eager to find out more myself....especially for a regular arrangement.

3 members like this comment.

I’ll Have What She’s Having - 29 Jan, 2020 - 11:11AM

Why not discuss it and find a situation you’re both happy with?

3 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 29 Jan, 2020 - 10:07AM

Sweet proposal -
@caravaggia, so do you discuss salaries then?

- you do not need to discuss salaries, often discussing work and other general 'things' gives an indication.
Due to my situation, always discussed before. Unfortunately too many are not a 'man' of their word.

4 members like this comment.

rarity23 - 28 Jan, 2020 - 11:32PM

From a man's point of view...Some women expect the man to pay for everything, and it is refreshing to find a woman who offers to pay half.

After all it's mutually beneficial to both sides !!

3 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 28 Jan, 2020 - 09:48PM

I've been very lucky and had men that earn a lot more than me so they have always paid but I have bought drinks before......as my contribution.

Hoping2Find - 28 Jan, 2020 - 08:33PM

It does not have to be 50/50, but a meal or drinks, or even purchase of something new and sexy does the trick for me. I always pay the hotel.

Sweet proposal - 28 Jan, 2020 - 08:13PM

@caravaggia, so do you discuss salaries then?

SeldomSeen - 28 Jan, 2020 - 02:46PM

My godmother, a minor star of screen and stage in the 1960s and sadly no longer with us, explained it thus: 'The gentleman always pays, darling, because if he doesn't pay, how can he possibly be a gentleman?'

16 members like this comment.

TheDawnTreader - 28 Jan, 2020 - 12:35PM

I think it's a really nice gesture to offer to pay - and buying a drink is nice as well - but I see it as the responsibility of the male generally. If you've been meeting for a long time, booking and paying in advance as a surprise might be lovely thing to do but there's got to be a token nod towards being more romantic in gender terms, I think. Maybe that's just me :-)

3 members like this comment.

Caravaggia - 28 Jan, 2020 - 10:28AM

My view on this is very clear. It is based on income. If you earn a similar wage then either pay half each or take it in turns. If one earns a lot less then it is appropriate for the other person to pay.

Each according to their means.

6 members like this comment.

1358330-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2020 - 10:15AM

No agreement with my meet though I am insisting on paying the next hotel stay. After all the fun is for both and we are in the age of equality.

5 members like this comment.

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