020 7729 6098 020 7729 6098
uk flag Used by over 1,364,866 genuine UK users since 2003


Letters to Sara

Ghosting, Adulthood and Manners

Hi Sara,

I just wanted to bring up the much talked about Ghosting phenomenon from
this site. This is taken from if you have exchanged a few messages, not
having being ignored from your initial approach.

Unfortunately I have been Ghoster, in my innocence, and also been a
recipient at the same time, hence my realisation how sucky it is to be a

Please remember to read the next part as if you have read the first part of
this message.

What I cannot understand is that we are all adults and as such should know
how to approach and humanise the situations we are getting
ourselves into!! If it be just starting out or if you wish to bring it to
an end we all need to communicate how we feel and if it's not there then
just say so, I think we all deserve that little bit of closure......

I have been lucky enough to chat with a few women on here who respect that
Ghosting sucks and will be honest, I myself am as honest as possible and if
I don't feel it, I will be honest as at the end of the day, it's just plain
good manners.

All the Best to All!!

11 members like this.

Comments (12)

Serialencounter - 31 Jan, 2020 - 12:39AM

I think the nearest real life equivalent is almost like inviting a stranger home. Something i did when younger and regretted it a few times. you suddenly realise it was a mistake and then completely shut down your responses so that they leave as soon as possible. This is where people are when ghosting. They made a mistake and just don't know how to deal with it, other than wishing the ground would open up and take them down.

1 member likes this comment.

Quaintrelle - 29 Jan, 2020 - 05:51PM

I’ve been ghosted too many times to remember! I have always tried to be polite by responding to every ‘real’ message I receive. Unfortunately sometimes the sheer volume women are confronted with allows some to slip through the net.
It’s impossible to chat to everyone, so brutal decisions have to be made on very little information. I follow my instincts, and if they don’t tick some basic boxes, I send a polite ‘thanks, but no thanks’. The number that get annoyed and rude at being turned down politely always surprises me.

1 member likes this comment.

Louisav123 - 28 Jan, 2020 - 01:26AM

Excuse me if you haven't agreed to meet someone then just get used to it u are not married think about how have approached the situation

1355430-Deleted - 27 Jan, 2020 - 11:01PM

Stop being reasonable and making excuses - it's a sad, twisted little power trip for some of the people here. Get some fun out of it and see if you can see it coming.

There are some serial 'trippers' here!

1 member likes this comment.

Why...not? - 25 Jan, 2020 - 03:47PM

Well you've got proper "ghosting" and then you've got not replying when you are "swapping" pics.
If you offer to swap pics at least remember that swapping is traditionally a 2 way process!
If someone is just asking for you pics then I guess is marginally different but we are talking semantics! I hope there is a bit of karma involved!

Proper ghosting is just cruel! Yes you need to have a thick skin here, but as in my experience, to chat over many days, online and in person, arrange a meet, make your excuses to be away, to cancel not once but twice in the same week 15 mins before meeting....then ignore you ever after! That's just weird!

2 members like this comment.

Appreciating_Classic - 22 Jan, 2020 - 10:34PM

I've come to accept "ghosting" as a fact of life on this site. Sometimes a conversation just peters out for no better reason than lack of interest. I try not to be the one who "ghosts", but sometimes it cannot be avoided.

What irks me is a variation on the theme whereby a member blocks for no other reason than they don't like your photos. I accept that I'm not to everyone's taste and am happy to get a "thanks, but no thanks", and have frequently said as much. Block if you must (and I know some people react badly to rejection), but at least drop a message back first so I'm not left wondering. Please...?

1 member likes this comment.

Metropolitanman - 22 Jan, 2020 - 12:19PM

I'm in the yes it's not nice, but it happens camp. I experienced it in the first days on the site. Should you take personally? No, Is it disappointing? Yes but's not worth losing any sleep over

3 members like this comment.

MrsDiscreet - 22 Jan, 2020 - 11:59AM

I have been ghosted and may have inadvertently ghosted others ( although I genuinely try not too) but I try not to get upset about it.
Everybody is walking their own path.
Some of the flimsy excuses may just be a failing attempt at trying to let someone down gently.
Is it kinder to make up an excuse that bluntly say which characteristics you find unattractive and damage someone’s self esteem?
I don’t think in general people set out to be cruel, more that they don’t know what to say.

2 members like this comment.

Sweet proposal - 21 Jan, 2020 - 10:02PM

I have been ghosted and it is not nice. The funny thing is that said person has contacted me by email to give a flimsy excuse as to why he felt the need to ghost me, and that he wants us to rekindle what we had. I’m sure you know me reaction to that.
I don’t know why people ghost. They probably lack the courage to end it? I think it shows the quality of people on this site!

7 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 21 Jan, 2020 - 05:05PM

Unfortunately many here do not have good manners, plain or otherwise!

5 members like this comment.

1358330-Deleted - 21 Jan, 2020 - 10:55AM

Couldn't agree more . I do try personally to tell someone if they're not interested or have dropped out of the race for some reason.

2 members like this comment.

Cuteness73 - 21 Jan, 2020 - 09:37AM

Oh for crying out loud.
Another letter of the same ilk.
It happens. It's the risk you take.
This isn't single dating, although it happens there too.
Expecting ''plain good manners'' in this underworld is ridiculously unrealistic.
Enjoy it when you do meet someone on your level.
Move on when you do not.

11 members like this comment.

Currently online:
Registered Users: 804

Letters to Sara

secure discrete friendly