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Letters to Sara

Is he a player?

Dear Sara,

I have recently met a wonderful man.He is a real gentleman in every aspect however I do wonder if he is a player?

I met him now a few times.We have shared a few passionate kisses and are planing to take it further but despite it all he is still on here constantly.

Shall I trust him or he just wants to play a fied?

Any advice appriciated


7 members like this.

Comments (40)

SunshineForever - 01 Feb, 2020 - 08:41PM

How people find the time...I just don’t know. That said something similar happened to me and it did make me feel rather uncomfortable. I now wish I hadn’t ‘spied’ on him...and just enjoyed what time we could.

1 member likes this comment.

monkeytennis - 17 Jan, 2020 - 09:27AM

The best thing about this site is that you can be totally honest with each other, unlike many marriages. So ask him outright. He will appreciate you asking. If he wriggles or diverts then he is. Then it's over to you. Are you a player too?

1 member likes this comment.

MissSparklyEyes - 14 Jan, 2020 - 11:56AM

I'd ask him straight in a nice way and just say that you're asking so that you know to do the same, even if you're not......he doesn't know that.

1 member likes this comment.

Oceane1 - 08 Jan, 2020 - 07:13PM

Hook ups are different from affairs, as are decent guys from players... or decent women for that matter...
Ask him if he's chatting to anyone else with a view to meeting them... he's either hedging his bets or he's not sure what you want!, so better to ask him straight out... Don't beat around the bush you're wasting your time if you do... x

5 members like this comment.

Sweet proposal - 06 Jan, 2020 - 08:49PM

This is a hook up site ladies! You will hardly find a man who is ‘faithful’ to you! C’mon!! These men cheat on their wives who they have vowed to love and be faithful to before their whole families, then who are we ‘side pieces’ not to be cheated on??

Neither of you own each other. Just believe that the only thing that is sure is that he will be back in here sooner rather than later looking for the next person.
If you that’s too much to handle(it obviously is for a lot of people on here) then walk away before he ends it himself and score a point however small.
Poster, just stay strong and do the needful and don’t ever put your heart in it.

8 members like this comment.

Naughty in NW - 06 Jan, 2020 - 07:48PM

Pretty secrets

You did not elaborate on how this has made you feel? Are you still seeing each other?
If you are ok with this, then that's fine. We all have different expectations, hopes, desires and standards on here. Nobody has the right to judge anyone else.

Personally, I would highly encourage him to 'go forth and multiply'.......or not, as the case may be. Each to their own as long as nobody gets hurt.

3 members like this comment.

1339339-Deleted - 06 Jan, 2020 - 03:39PM

@pretty secrets
I wonder if we have met the same guy,
Just found out my newly met I.E isn't as interested in exclusivety as he first professed,and considering hw made it a condition of the relationship as he wasn't a "player" . Its been illuminating to find he very much is

Luckily my spidey senses are super honed and i was able to disengage with little damage

Remember ladies and gents if your going to want to play the field its absolutely your prerogative ,just be honest and upfront as not all of us do

Also most importantly, to be successful in your subterfuge you need to remember your lies and who you told what,so they don't come back to bite you

5 members like this comment.

Acorn Tree - 06 Jan, 2020 - 11:11AM

Hello, why don't you ask him! If he leaves a PC or a notebook logged on he will always appear as here. In all honesty if I find the right person when I meet them, then why go elsewhere? Managing an extra marital affair is complicated enough who in their right mind can juggle with more than one? If you want him, then ask him, then tell him you want him and not a part share in him!
Good luck

2 members like this comment.

1356053-Deleted - 05 Jan, 2020 - 12:35AM

Hi I’ve been seeing a man on here and he’s the same, I’ve even found out he has w few accounts

1 member likes this comment.

Why...not? - 02 Jan, 2020 - 12:44AM

Being blunt....do you really care?

Presumably the whole site is for "players".

Obviously you have health issues to bear in mind and hopefully you will be taking all the relevant precautions, but how many guys ( or women) can hold down a full time job, manage a family and all the relevant commitments that entails, plus have other outside interests as well as being a "player". I know I couldn't! Just one lover for me please!

3 members like this comment.

1334122-Deleted - 31 Dec, 2019 - 09:24PM

Same here, you think you found the perfect match but they want more than 1 woman

1 member likes this comment.

bringing on back the good times - 28 Dec, 2019 - 02:16AM

This site is like a sweet shop - Perhaps he doesnt want sherbet lemons all the time, maybe he wants kola cubes or liquorice allsorts or midget gems
it's a site, set up for ...'Players' male and female nd they may want to play with just one or more - Ground rules are the way forward

1 member likes this comment.

Midnightincantation - 28 Dec, 2019 - 12:10AM

Lavender 1970...would you really like a 35 year old when you are 67...

Midnightincantation - 28 Dec, 2019 - 12:08AM

Lavender 1970...really...

isabellanecessary - 24 Dec, 2019 - 07:51AM

If both parties are cheats why expect anything else.

2 members like this comment.

Naughty in NW - 21 Dec, 2019 - 10:28PM

Lavender 1970

At the time of writing my post Still Time had their 'about me' and 'looking for' info reversed. It read like a male profile, otherwise I would not have posted my original comment to this post.

Even if Still Time is female, I still object to her comment on 17th December asking 'Are women really this thick?' Pot......kettle......black?

2 members like this comment.

theartoftouch - 20 Dec, 2019 - 07:47PM

Player. Dump him if you do not want to get hurt or play with that in mind when you want to learn from a player. Wonderful is to be mistrusted.
NNW: teach me; I am too naive.

theartoftouch - 19 Dec, 2019 - 03:43PM

Ask him whether he wants 1-2-1 and when he wishes to commit if you want 1-2-1; whether he wants to leave here or not. Mind you females can easily leave men cannot. Even then when he says yes, get it in writing, just in case. So be extremely mistrustful especially wrt the sweet-talkers. Ask him whether he ever cheated in his affairs; while looking in his eyes. Same counts for men asking women. Ask whether they would openly double-cheat and whether they have done that in the past. Then make a judgement.

1344577-Deleted - 19 Dec, 2019 - 10:33AM

Still time.
I hope when I'm 67 I can still pull a 35 young un..😀

3 members like this comment.

Blossom Reborn - 19 Dec, 2019 - 12:27AM

Dear S,

How do you know that he's on site constantly, unless you're here yourself, checking up on him, constantly ............Might he not see you, and wonder what you're up to, as well?

You might have a better time here, if you stopped wondering what your man does when he isn't with you, just so long as when he IS with you, he's with you 100%

After all; if he really WAS a player, he'd know to hide his profile, so you didn't; suspect him; wouldn't he???

1 member likes this comment.

Naughty in NW - 18 Dec, 2019 - 06:23PM

Lavender 1970

Regarding the profile of Still Time. Last night the sections 'about me' and 'ideal partner' were completely reversed. Clearly a mistake on their part as it has now been rectified due to me highlighting the complete contradiction! No problem per se, but I take offence to anyone, male or female, who refer to women as 'thick'! So should you.

3 members like this comment.

takenononsense - 18 Dec, 2019 - 11:14AM

'Is he a player?' Why would he be?

2 members like this comment.

1344577-Deleted - 18 Dec, 2019 - 08:43AM

Naughty NW
Erm I think you just answered. Still time ... yourself
She's a woman and her profile is correct.

1 member likes this comment.

Naughty in NW - 17 Dec, 2019 - 10:59PM

Still Time

Says the man who has mixed up who he is and what he is looking for in a potential partner according to his profile. Just saying........

2 members like this comment.

Naughty in NW - 17 Dec, 2019 - 10:45PM

I find it helps to be very clear in your profile about what you are seeking. I would never consider going horizontal with a man unless we have agreed mutual exclusivity on this site. I accept that marital 'relations' may still take place of course. How could I not on this site?

I know the nature of the site is not really conducive to honesty and trust. I'm not naive. I have enjoyed several longer term relationships which have originated from this site so I know what I want and am not prepared to compromise on that.

I can't throw stones in glass houses. Fully aware of that. After all, I lie to my spouse and the site relies on us all doing so.

However, I have developed an impressively accurate 'bullshit radar' which has been activated a few times. To summarise.......nobody on here is in a position to judge anyone else. We are all capable of lying. Trust your inner instincts and challenge whatever you don't feel comfortable with.

Have a safe, fun and pleasurable Christmas everyone 😀

8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 17 Dec, 2019 - 06:38PM

Still Time
No, not ALL women are "this thick" dear.

6 members like this comment.

Raquel12 - 17 Dec, 2019 - 11:55AM

Don't check up on him, simple! You are also logging in. No one is exclusive here. It's human nature to want to be, but throw away all your fairy tales archives in your mind. Dust them off! They still hang on big time, I know, but you are now in an illicit affair site.
Guys, this goes for you too! Don't play the Prince Charming if you just want to play the field. In time, you'll find the lady you need and save your saliva for those moments you really came here for.

6 members like this comment.

Still Time - 17 Dec, 2019 - 06:33AM

Are women really this thick.

4 members like this comment.

Shattered_Passion - 16 Dec, 2019 - 09:36PM

Most likely a player.

1 member likes this comment.

Teicu - 16 Dec, 2019 - 08:27PM

Player...he’s trying to get value for his money

1 member likes this comment.

Telluha - 16 Dec, 2019 - 08:25PM

Are you also logging on to find out if he is logging on? Maybe he's thinking the same about you?

3 members like this comment.

1339339-Deleted - 16 Dec, 2019 - 07:46PM

Its very difficult , but i think no different to any dating scenario in that you don't know how or if its going to work out in the early days of meeting

I personally always tell people who message if i have met someone and don't usually engage in anymore chatting till i see how things pan out as it gets too complicated .
.On saying that i don't delete my account until we have got to the stage where we agree its going to develop and we become exclusive ....at least i do, its always been a risk as to whether he did and i have been lucky in that respect in that as far as i could tell he didn't and i have enjoyed 2 longer term affairs
I do sometimes come on site to read the letters but mostly to manage my inbox , could he be doing the same ...only time will tell if he is a player, trust your gut instincts if you listen to them they are usually spot on

3 members like this comment.

searching71 - 16 Dec, 2019 - 07:24PM

I think that for men on here....aside from sweet shop syndrome... it’s a case of making the most of their subscription while it lasts as they have to pay, so it’s fair enough they would want to talk to as many women as possible in that time. If things are going well, you’re planning to take it further and have agreed you both want just the one IE then it may be a case of waiting for his subscription to end and you both mutually agree to remove your profiles?
I think this must be one of the most common awkward conversations to have when you do find your IE!

2 members like this comment.

1350069-Deleted - 16 Dec, 2019 - 05:32PM

Does it not mean that you on here constantly as well?

2 members like this comment.

Goodkitty - 16 Dec, 2019 - 04:33PM

Watch and wait or ask him . Not sure you need to keep up the expense if you have met the perfect person.

2 members like this comment.

1344577-Deleted - 16 Dec, 2019 - 04:01PM

If he's still on here he's looking for something better
Tell him if he wants to progress with you to delete his profile prove how much he wants this.

2 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 16 Dec, 2019 - 03:23PM

You are on a site for people to have an AFFAIR.

You have NO RIGHTS over that person in any way shape or form.

You are only at the beginning of a relationship. You may not be compatible for each other in many different ways. Men must pay a fee for X amount of time.

You have both yet to decide IF you are compatible for each other, and yes you MAY have a discussion about only seeing each other, however as stated YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS OVER EACH OTHER!!

Until you have worked your way though all of that why should he not use what he IS paying for!! Men are not able to pause, and continue constantly as they MAY or MAY NOT find the right person for them.

Are YOU in the best place for what you seem to be looking for?

6 members like this comment.

Altostratus - 16 Dec, 2019 - 03:18PM

The vast majority women who "commit" to men do exactly the same thing.

1 member likes this comment.

affair to remember - 16 Dec, 2019 - 02:55PM

We are all players here to some degree and guys like their monies worth! But maybe he will keep looking till his membership runs out, I would too if I where you just to make sure nothing better turns up. After all it appears you are still here too.

3 members like this comment.

are you for real - 16 Dec, 2019 - 02:50PM

you have meet a few times, but not had sex? is that why he is still looking? most guys here want sex on the second date(I find)so if he is a player he takes his time about it.Still paid his money maybe he likes to keep his options open and if you know he is on here so are you, just checking up on him are you?

4 members like this comment.

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