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Letters to Sara

Excuses, Excuses! letter of the month

I know that many of us here have been ghosted by those we have either been corresponding with or by those we have actually been “together” with for some time. This applies to both sexes I might add.

However, there are some who try to do the [half] decent thing by giving an excuse before they disappear. I’m interested to know what kind of excuses you have had from an IE - the most ridiculously unbelievable ones, the funniest ones, etc, etc.

The nature of this site being what it is, I personally tend not to believe any of the excuses I have heard. They have ranged from sickness, death, accidents, burglary, lost contact details, trips to A&E, etc, etc.

I find it an insult to my intelligence when a half-hearted and obviously untrue excuse is given. What about you?

15 members like this.

Comments (28)

monkeytennis - 17 Jan, 2020 - 09:30AM

What's the point of excuses? Be honest. This is maybe the one place where you can be truly honest with each other

Cherrylips67 - 12 Jan, 2020 - 11:13PM

I recently met up with somone from IE, we had alot of chats on the phone, whatsapp etc over a period of 2 weeks and agreed we like the sound of each other and arranged a date, he booked a room and said if I didnt feel comfortable that was ok, we had a lovely meal and he chatted about himself, had a business wènt overseas alot, had an affair that ended, we went back to the room and things got steamy, all well I hear you say, no.. after about 2 hours he abruptly left, he said he had told his oh he was at a wedding. I stayed over in the room (seemed a shame to waste it) got the invoice and his name. Well curiosity got the better of me and I found out that he wasnt whom he said, anyway he sent a few more messages and I asked him about whom he was and then puff gone, ghosted me. Lucky escape for me I say. But i do agree, if you dont like the look of each other, just say after all we are all adults and can change our minds.

CuriousC - 12 Jan, 2020 - 11:15AM

I don’t believe any of the excuses either, the last guy I was seeing couldn’t keep track of what he’d said which I found quite amusing in a way and made it easier to end things

Loki1977 - 11 Jan, 2020 - 10:53PM

the world would be a better place if we didn’t bullshit or have ulterior motives right? !! To be honest shit happens... don’t take it personally, however be as honest when you can when you talk to people ..... don’t ignore them...I can’t contribute sorry... only been ghosted! But when you have the high amount of messages that females do of course you’re going to get lost. Thankfully any meet I have had ive chosen wisely x

1 member likes this comment.

345sarah - 08 Jan, 2020 - 06:31PM

i''m still quite new here and having preliminary chats with various people. when it gets to photo can often tell it isnt going to work at that point, but I'd never, never say its the photo, I usually say it's the location or that I'm meeting someone else. if they wont take a hint I might ghost them, you can't just say I dont like you. and if people ghost me that's fair enough, but if you have met them you expect an excuse whether believable or not.. heavens it is easy enough to make up excuses

1 member likes this comment.

TheMaestro - 08 Jan, 2020 - 03:00PM

Someone who failed to turn up for a date claimed she had dropped her phone in the village pond!

3 members like this comment.

sympatica - 07 Jan, 2020 - 10:11AM

Someone I met on another site. After 8 years of happy relationship he told e he had had a short affair with another woman who had turned into a "bunny boiler" and he might have to move house and change his phone number to get away from her. Didn't sound quite right to me so I tracked her down from the information he had given me and discovered he had been seeing her 3 x a week for 3 years, told her he loved her ( but for practical reasons could not leave his wife). I was very upset but had the last laugh when I discovered he had "treated" her to some very cheap tacky underwear as a "special" present. Mine is all A.P.

miss sarajevo - 22 Dec, 2019 - 04:54PM

A divorced friend had a few short and longer term affairs. She accepted affairs came to an end but asked that she be treated properly at the end as she was at the beginning. She often knew where they lived, their family, their workplace etc When it ended badly she used to say 'I don't understand why a man with everything to lose would risk treating a woman with nothing to lose so badly.' I never understood why she reacted like she did often seeking revenge but having been ghosted by my IE and unexpectedly treated badly, I do. Treat people properly is my motto.

theartoftouch - 20 Dec, 2019 - 08:05PM

I had one from London; cancelled last minute after I had booked the train; "that is not nice of you", I said, "since I have booked the train". "Oh, so I am not nice now", she said, "Well that is why I cancelled". Ah, missed the lady who can look into the future. Then I sold tickets on this site for a free dinner with me (just dinner); one woman from London won, and we had a most amazing dinner and conversation. Afterwards, I walked her to the subway, arm-in-arm. "I am waiting for a response from a "lady" on here and so I don't want to do a double-act", I had said, which incidentally is why many men do double-acts in the early phases, since they in some sense have to (-). That "lady" stood me up so in hindsight I was wrong not to engage more with the London lady. Would love to meet the London lady again, maybe most of all for the common sense she embraced, a rare virtue. Love her for that.

theartoftouch - 20 Dec, 2019 - 07:53PM

@are you for unreal: Shall I send my CV -pun intended?

2 members like this comment.

are you for real - 15 Dec, 2019 - 03:42PM

oh god not theartoftouch here comes the soap opera

5 members like this comment.

Caravaggia - 15 Dec, 2019 - 01:15AM

I am totally at a loss to understand any of this. Either they behave towards you in a responsible manner or they are history. I had a guy declaring undying love who went quiet and then turned up 18 months later saying he had been working through issues. Yeah well I had moved on.

He still cannot understand why I've changed??!!

Because that was then

This is now

And in between I worried myself sick then got over him

FFS

Why don't men understand this?

4 members like this comment.

Reef7765 - 14 Dec, 2019 - 11:29PM


You have to be thick skinned to be on here , fragile egos will break ... it’s always better to say - sorry not my type and move on, neither party should feel awkward or upset by that ... I get some can’t and it’s easy to disappear ... each to their own, as I’ve said before - no one is owed anything, you’re going into an affair, the rules are somewhat different to normal dating ....
:-)


3 members like this comment.

theartoftouch - 13 Dec, 2019 - 05:21PM

"Who cares that I double cheated on you with another man since you are already cheating."
"Men cheat on there wives, and have done so over the ages, so it is about time we set that right and do it ourselves; doing it with no regards to anyone but ourselves, that is feminism."
"I was ill, seriously, and am eating a lot of beef to get my blood levels up again."

Lavender 1970 - 13 Dec, 2019 - 09:24AM

I think the most common one I've heard is "I feel so guilty and don't know why I do this "
"I feel like s**t because I'm cheating"
Then literally the next day there back on here and when you ask why they say "I feel hassled,I'm not looking for anyone else" then nothing not another word from them .
So again used for there own pleasure with not a thought to how it makes the other person feel.
Be careful ladies he's a notorious player who's been doing this for 10 years.
I just wish there was a list of these people we could add to.
Look out for a temperature!!!!!!!!

5 members like this comment.

orion1966 - 12 Dec, 2019 - 07:53PM

There is nothing worse than swapping photos and there is a connection on one side, but not the other, either way.

Hell, we have all been there I'm sure.

But if we can't be honest with each other on this site then there really isn't much hope for us all.

2 members like this comment.

Auralistic - 12 Dec, 2019 - 05:05PM

The thing that strikes me is the fact that we are even surprised by the excuses given anyway !

To be on this site you will already know that a successful IE outcome will by its very nature involve having to be economic/ deceptive with the truth with your home life anyway . . .So by default we are all prepared to lie in the process of pursuing our aims !

Nobody should be surprised by excuses to avoid contact or meeting when the attraction is not there . . .Both sexes do it ! . . .Then theres the other tactic where you get asked for a photo password and an excuse is avoided altogether. . . They just block you ! . . lol . . .I take the view that if an individual cant even reply with a "Thanks , but no thanks " then they are obviously not strong enough to have a deeper conversation with me anyway so i just move on . .

For me . . The biggest thing is to be polite and not be rude . . Respect always goes a long way and you can walk away with your manners and humility intact if its a no no . .

11 members like this comment.

RumplesBear - 09 Dec, 2019 - 09:59PM

Just say no, be honest. Pretty sure we've all had it said to us at some point.

Anyway, a year or so ago I was chatting to a lady, we met a few times and it went silent. Odd, as we hit it off both here and over coffee, and the messages continued.

I sent a polite message saying hope everything was ok, and left it there. I got a response!

"I've been decorating the spare room"

This decorating became a reoccurring reason. I left it after I was stood up and was told "forgot, I was sanding the floor". Either you live in the Tardis, or you're really bad at DIY. ( I know I am)>

Lost out to B&Q, burn.

3 members like this comment.

K1ttyk4t - 09 Dec, 2019 - 08:48PM

It's the nature of the site. Some can't be honest, or take a joke, or just go with the flow. I Move on and have a little giggle about the fragility of some people. Take it with a pinch of salt, some are genuine some are fake. Happy hunting.

ExoticOrchid - 09 Dec, 2019 - 03:14PM

Ctyolene - 08 Dec, 2019 - 10:07PM
Ctyolene - 08 Dec, 2019 - 10:10PM

Wow … !!!

1 member likes this comment.

Raquel12 - 09 Dec, 2019 - 01:20PM

Some people are the master of excuses when they don't want to do something. Hey, some could be genuine, we never know!

VoluptuousVixen - 09 Dec, 2019 - 08:52AM

The best/worst excuse I have had was after revealing my photo password. The "gent" proceeded to say that he wasn't looking for an affair! Erm, wrong site mate!
I'm pretty thick skinned so a "sorry not for me" would have sufficed but to insult my intelligence was offensive.

4 members like this comment.

Ctyolene - 08 Dec, 2019 - 10:10PM

"And you're going to be wearing a black pencil skirt, tight white blouse, seamed stocking and high heels, with bright red lipstick and hair in a bun, right?"

"No, we're meeting for coffee in Starbucks. I'll be wearing jeans and a jumper."

"No point meeting then, is there?"

***

"I can't make it. My friend is getting divorced and I'm his character witness."

"Irish divorce courts don't have character witnesses."

"Who are you, the Gestapo? Stop cross-examining me."
***

"Sorry I couldn't make it. My wife found out I was going to meet you."

"You're married?"

"Did I not mention that?"

"No. Goodbye."



6 members like this comment.

Ctyolene - 08 Dec, 2019 - 10:07PM

"Why didn't you show? I drank three cups of bad coffee waiting for you."

"I remembered you were a writer and though you might write about me."

"Seriously? You're not that interesting."

***

"I had a puncture and had to pull onto the hard shoulder and phone for help."

"And you didn't think of phoning me to let me know?"

"My phone went flat as soon as I made the call to AA."

***

"...and you know I make safe calls, right?"

"What's a safe call?"

"It's where I tell a reliable friend who I'm meeting, where and what time I expect to be finished, so she can raise the alarm if there is a problem."

"You don't need to do that, I'm perfectly safe."

"I wouldn't be meeting you if I didn't think you were, but it's good practice, and I always do it."

"That's creepy. I don't want to meet you now."

***

"Oh, I can't meet you anywhere in Dublin 2."

"Why not?"

"My friend works in Dublin 2. He might see me with you."

I thought I scrubbed up well enough to be seen in public, but

2 members like this comment.

1344600-Deleted - 07 Dec, 2019 - 08:48AM

It's a pathetic little power trip that says more about the ghoster and behaviour not far from that when you used to phone people then put the phone down.... as a child.

1 member likes this comment.

lubby lou - 06 Dec, 2019 - 05:14PM

Well , Why can't the guy or woman just come clean and say its over or they have changed their minds ' I am fed up of excuses and lies. One guy said he had broken his ankle, then he said he could not contact me direct as he only had a works phone. We arranged to meet by message on this site. Did he turn up No he did not. Returned home to find he was deleted off site. I should have realised something was wrong , but we had been messaging for three weeks. I must be stupid.

1 member likes this comment.

HardBrexiteer - 04 Dec, 2019 - 12:46PM

After two years of a seemingly happy relationship the lady went quiet. There was a blank text on my mobile one day, but nothing else. A few months later I needed to ask for the return of a book I had lent her and she agreed to meet. The blank text was blamed on her dog getting hold of her phone and the lack of communication was down to her 'going through a Greta Garbo phase'. Not being a film buff I had to look up what that meant. But given things that I knew had happened in the rest of her life I suspected it was true.

1 member likes this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 04 Dec, 2019 - 09:56AM

I did have a genuine ... in a serious car accident ... with proof!
... not as if there is a way to inform the mistress lol!!

I was very pleased to hear he was as well as he could be, once he was able to recontact me, my situation had changed in the time, and we were no longer able to meet though.

I always find it very funny when people forget the reasons they have given about something and totally contradict themselves later. It is highlighted to you, you are not as special as you hoped / they had claimed.

4 members like this comment.

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