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Letters to Sara

Failure to launch

This is something I have encountered in ordinary life and the use of
contact sites. Where a couple somehow manage not to consumate their union.

This becomes apparent, after initial meetings and arrives just when you
think you should have gone sexual. But somehow it's not destined to follow
that route.

The actual mechanics dont get into gear and you go your ways with a set of
mixed thoughts and feelings. In extreme cases the scenario may reoccur more
than once.

I think it happens more than we would want to admit. But I can recall some
occasions when failure to launch occurred. I suppose I could see that it
would have been no more than a one night stand. But in some cases I just
stopped wanting sex and switched to gentleman mode and passed up the offer.

Oddly enough most of the women seemed to accept it and didn't get too
upset. With the odd exception and it was extremely ugly to sit through and
get out of.

So has anyone else experienced this?

5 members like this.

Comments (31)

Tabasco - 12 May, 2019 - 01:13PM

Yes I would also be prepared to admit that such things have happened to me. I think that it was just two people, who had made a wrong decision, and came to realise it. Lust, infatuation or drink, being the misguiding influence most likely.

5 members like this comment.

1306711-Deleted - 11 May, 2019 - 03:47PM

Hmm, it’s not exactly rocket science is it.....

guy4dolls - 09 May, 2019 - 09:43PM

The weird similar thing that happened to me was that I met a lovely woman, who was coming out of an abusive relationship and a bit vulnerable, but very sexy and horny. the first time we got to bed we got literally to the point of entry when she said suddenly it didnt feel right, so being the gentleman I am I withdrew and we just cuddled. The same thing happened twice more which of course I found very frustrating but stayed patient. Then on the 4th time she came on really strong adn told me she was really sorry and was gagging for it but when it came to it I "failed to launch" as you so eloquently put it !! That was even more frustrating, not to mention embarassing but I guess some sort of Pavlovian response... luckily after a second failure I finally got back into the swing of things and all was good after that. BUt hiccups certainly do happen !!

4 members like this comment.

1305180-Deleted - 20 Apr, 2019 - 12:15AM

Failure to launch??? I'm a highly sexual woman and do not really understand this letter. I never arrange to meet a guy unless a great deal of emails or texts have occurred first? I like both myself and my new man to be simmering to the point of almost being ready to rip the garments off each other Before We meet. If we're having a meal then all well and good and each of us can disappear afterwards ready to REALLY enjoy the next meet when hopefully we can consummate.

Let me be clear here. There has to be an intellectual connection too. Very occasionally there's no magic but that's OK and you continue your journey! Without sex.

Spending time generating the sexual tension beforehand however is well worth the effort.

3 members like this comment.

Chezley - 15 Apr, 2019 - 02:12PM

A fellow has the right to say no, as much as a woman?
The post has been met with scorn and derision, and also care and consideration of more or less equal amount.
As I understand it, Viagra works when the user has some sexual arousal. In this case, with no sexual arousal present, it's not likely to work.

4 members like this comment.

Mature and alive - 05 Apr, 2019 - 03:18PM

What a load of meaningless poo. Obviously some one who likes the sound of there own voice because they are the only person that talks to them

1302964-Deleted - 02 Apr, 2019 - 10:52PM

I feel sorry for you on so many levels!

2 members like this comment.

theartoftouch - 26 Mar, 2019 - 07:39PM

I prefer to have an event, visit a museum, go for a walk, in the city. Something one can do alone but sometimes one meets a stranger, on purpose or not, with whom one engages in a conversation. That is all allowed, innocent and engaging, and as such never an ugly sit-around. In general, to be polite, trained as such at a young age by feminists, I don't sit there with my tongue hanging out of my mouth, even when I do feel chemistry. I hide it. One can always ask later. A bit of civilisation, also on these extreme meat-market premises, is permitted. If not, then this is no my environment, at all.

Something Just Like This - 25 Mar, 2019 - 09:31PM

I think this could be from a more mature gentleman from the way he speaks. Maybe try viagra no shame at all in taking it.

8 members like this comment.

Cuteness73 - 25 Mar, 2019 - 04:55PM

Is it guilt?
You seem to be going so far then backing out.

3 members like this comment.

Butterfly600 - 22 Mar, 2019 - 02:48PM

Do you think, he's one of the politicians sorting out brexit?. Because he's not making any sense . I'm glad it's not only me though. Was secretly worried I was really daft .

14 members like this comment.

Per ardua - 21 Mar, 2019 - 12:29PM

What a load of ballistics!

4 members like this comment.

Aphra2015 - 20 Mar, 2019 - 11:49AM

The obtuseness of this post reminds me of the way some people (mainly men, I think, although I don't often read women's profiles, so may be wrong here) talk about themselves with detachment in their profiles, using the third person ('he' instead of 'I') or, even more unconnected, using metaphors to describe themselves, the 'used car' being the most common. I've often wondered whether this distancing is simply how some IE members deal with the uncertainty/guilt/whatever of what they are doing (or planning to do) here, or is more an indication of someone who lacks self-confidence or the ability to engage with their own feelings. Whichever, they are people I'm instantly disinclined to engage with. I wonder if other members have a similar reaction to mine?

8 members like this comment.

getfun - 19 Mar, 2019 - 02:42PM

Failure to launch wow... what are you trying to launch a rocket into space, I'm 100% sure you're using the wrong platform.
For the right platform please contact "Baikonur Cosmodrome," they will be happy to advise you and give further help.
This platform is for those who are looking for fun away from home.

10 members like this comment.

Angel Delight 19 - 19 Mar, 2019 - 01:09PM

The only thing I wanted to launch was myself off a cliff after reading such nonsense.....

18 members like this comment.

1237421-Deleted - 19 Mar, 2019 - 08:47AM

I think it may be clumsily put but I can also see it as a real issue. Not everyone is wanting to jump into bed with another no matter how attractive after an initial meeting. Just like it is not pleasant for as man to pressure a woman into sex it is equally unpleasant the other way round.

I think the original poster is saying that he has no interest in a one night stand and feels as though he does not want a sexual encounter to develop if he sees that is the most likely outcome.

3 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 17 Mar, 2019 - 11:01PM

"Failure to launch" is a term that is normally used with regard to adult children who still live off their parents.

My conclusion was that the relationship failed to launch.

The couple had several meetings or so, and both too polite to say, I am, are you ready to take this to somewhere private, or any subtle hints to take it further were not taken up.

Yes "passed up the offer" does confuse the matter.

Dear Sara, clearer letters please.

1 member likes this comment.

tickleyourf***y - 17 Mar, 2019 - 07:56PM

This is one screwed up fella........and I thought I was bad :)

2 members like this comment.

1274565-Deleted - 17 Mar, 2019 - 12:50PM


I couldn’t understand your letter

2 members like this comment.

RebelDomina - 17 Mar, 2019 - 01:13AM

"As long as you both want the same, where’s the harm" by Smiley-Morticia
Couldn't agree more... whatever's the problem, be honest and clear about it with the person or ppl you are meeting, you'll be able to work it out.

1 member likes this comment.

smooth operator - 16 Mar, 2019 - 01:04PM

I think many observers are missing the thrust of this letter.

Possibly what is being suggested is

The man in question was on the hunt for sexual satisfaction pure and simple.

But after reflection he finds the ladies whom he has met far better than the short term one night stand encounter that he had originally intended.
Learning to enjoy the company of the ladies in question as a friend and enjoying the rapport that had been established he now holds too much respect for them to go through with the trip to the bedroom.

5 members like this comment.

SeldomSeen - 15 Mar, 2019 - 09:31PM

Switched to 'gentleman' mode? Surely, you should have been in 'gentleman' mode from the word 'go'?

2 members like this comment.

1235507-Deleted - 15 Mar, 2019 - 02:18PM

Thank you people.
I could only understand this letter after reading your responses.

11 members like this comment.

Goodkitty - 15 Mar, 2019 - 11:09AM

I am afraid I have no idea what this letter is about . Convoluted lexicography is not my forte. ( my English teacher said !) Hardly surprising nothing is launched if you don’t talk straight . Very odd.

18 members like this comment.

Bereweeke - 15 Mar, 2019 - 10:37AM

"Failure to launch" is a term that is normally used with regard to adult children who still live off their parents.

However. your letter is ambiguous. Does it refer to meeting a person and not being attracted to them? If so, enjoy the date for the interaction with another person and be honest with regard to your feelings. Or, does it refer to a lack of sexual performance? If so, swallow your pride and visit your GP. If your potential partners have any feelings for you they will understand.

6 members like this comment.

Master of The Horse - 15 Mar, 2019 - 08:45AM

Your letter is very vague and can be read in 2 different ways:

1: Failure to launch = you decide you don't fancy your partner and want to have sex. If so there is nothing wrong with that and, as long as you convey your feelings in the correct manner, theres no harm done. Its far better to be honest!

2: Failure to launch= your way of saying you wanted to have sex but were unable to achieve an erection. If so it could be that you felt under pressure to 'perform' or were overly eager to please and this had an adverse affect making you anxious?

The way your letter read I'm more inclined to think it was the 2nd reason but you didn't want to actually say it, hence the terminology 'Failure to launch'. If so, and it becomes a problem, I'm sure your doctor could help.

Apologies if I appear overly blunt or to the point....

12 members like this comment.

1240404-Deleted - 15 Mar, 2019 - 06:56AM

I’m not really sure what you’re suggesting here, are you saying that you don’t fancy the person enough to go to the next stage, in which case that’s fine; we don’t all fancy everyone. Sometimes people work better just as friends, and I guess with back and forth corespondennce on here it’s easy to move and be moved into the ‘Friend Zone’. I think that’s a drawback to online dating, too much pre-meeting chatting; sometimes the animalistic lust needs to take over to enjoy the first moment. It may then move to something else, or may not. Who are you arranging to meet, do you fancy them from their photos or their messages?

If however you’re saying this scenario happens pretty frequently then I suggest you ask yourself why you’re here; do you want a sexual relationship, or friendship, or (whisper it) simply a bit of attention ..?

I think whatever you’re wanting, be honest with the person you’re with. As long as you both want the same, where’s the harm (apart from not being suppo

8 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 14 Mar, 2019 - 09:00PM

I do not think that I have come across this.

I have first meetings where meeting is all that will happen. Just because you reach a first meeting, there is no guarantee the relationship will continue. Many times one or both parties decide at that meeting or in the proceeding days, not to continue.

How many public meetings prior to taking things further depends on the couple, IF it reaches that point. Meeting needs to take place, to see if you are comfortable with each other, and other elements each party is looking for, are there between you.

Personally I am not looking for one night, I am looking for an affair…

8 members like this comment.

Iwonderif72? - 14 Mar, 2019 - 06:12PM

Try viagra?

10 members like this comment.

1296893-Deleted - 14 Mar, 2019 - 06:08PM

I think failure to Launch is a ridiculous way to describe a change of feelings that result in a change or demise of action or original intention on one or both sides
It happens feelings change circumstances change we get over it and move on
The key is being honest and don't prevaricate
Maybe it got ugly one time as you weren't clear and she didn't understand you were dumping her

6 members like this comment.

1283374-Deleted - 14 Mar, 2019 - 02:50PM

So more simply, you met and found you didn't like each other that much.

Do you work for NASA?

10 members like this comment.

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