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Letters to Sara


Should the profile include the option for people to reveal sexual preferences - particularly whether someone is bisexual, and to what degree? I think perhaps it should. No one NEED reveal what they chose to keep private, but shouldn't the option be there? It surely matters more to most people than eye colour or religion.


I have had four IE affairs. Two of the four women had slept with other women. I have had physical relationships with men, and told my lovers too. Not one of us had a problem with the issue, so why not get it more into the open? 


Maybe also there should be an option to reveal whether people are looking for one person or more than one - on the same principle that it is useful to know and should be an option to tell? Some are, some are not, in my experience. Best to know!

16 members like this.

Comments (34)

FriendlySteve - 23 Apr, 2019 - 12:14PM

The advertiser can always add anything they like within their profile. It does not need any special boxes.

However, the reality is that most people are so reticent that to make any reference to anything not completely "straight" is most unlikely.

I was once very surprised when a very feminine ( 48FF ) black woman 5' 9" and 94kg and a policewoman told me that she was a little bi. I later met her female partner and her husband. I was so surprised to hear that but it made no difference to my liking for her.

Sexyindiantv - 19 Mar, 2019 - 08:23AM

Yes it should and it should widen genders as well

1 member likes this comment.

Golden Brown446 - 03 Mar, 2019 - 10:08PM

Wow, What interesting thoughts and views on sexuality. My view is that most people are looking for one person with which to share intimacy good times to discover and explore, maybe that would include a third person once you are both comfortable with each other, I feel having a tick box to say you're after two or three partners would degenerate this site into just a site for sex and sexual preferences. We all have out little preferences or what we like in a partner or two. If the tick box is coming then at least keep the wording dignified, or simply write it in your narrative or have a box to say traditional or open and then you can explore ;-)

5 members like this comment.

The Actress - 03 Mar, 2019 - 03:54PM

@ExoticOrchid. I agree! 100%

There are sooooo many sites out there which cater for sexuality of all persuasions.


Let's keep it that way; if this isn't what you're looking for; look elsewhere; don't try to change us!!

8 members like this comment.

Adorno1967 - 01 Mar, 2019 - 01:08PM

To those who have replied "there are plenty of other sites that cater for 'this sort of thing' [i.e. bi-/polysexuality, swinging etc.]" - of course that's true, however swingers sites, for example, cater in the main for couples and those who wish to play with them and are generally less congenial to married or attached people...plus of course you and whoever you meet won't necessarily be operating with the same assumptions, i.e. discretion, boundaries, etc., as we mostly are here.

That said, I also agree that tick boxes aren't necessarily the best way to approach this on IE, which is a more 'discursive' site geared towards communication and exploration rather than the fulfillment of particular predilections stated in advance. So I'd recommend being reasonably clear and candid in your profile text and looking forward to exploring options and delicious possibilities with your IE/s when you find him/her/them! :)

1 member likes this comment.

Serialencounter - 01 Mar, 2019 - 07:45AM

The experience here is along conventional hetero, monogamist, marital etc. The courting and cultivation of the illicit relationship to compensate for the flagging legitimate one.

But this is unlikely to be the springboard for a walk on the wild side. Yes there are instances, but the herd is not going to change its age old migration route.

As has been stated those who are familiar will know where to look for advanced practises. But such communities are frought with obstacles that far outweigh this one.

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 26 Feb, 2019 - 04:39PM

Nuttielisious - 15 Feb, 2019 - 06:13PM
toecurler2 - 25 Feb, 2019 - 02:41PM

There are numerous sites on the internet which cater for all kinds of preferences.

8 members like this comment.

NaughtyUKGent - 25 Feb, 2019 - 05:23PM

Yes I agree, would love this to be exposed by choice, say as part of the Private Gallery or similar.

Equally and similarly an opetion for partners to leave verifications and experience with a partner, these would initially be sent to the 'Partner' and then they could decide whether to publish each verification. Again these could be dealt with in the same way as a Private Gallery for Friends.

toecurler2 - 25 Feb, 2019 - 02:41PM

Agree that maybe one or two of us are what can be called poly-sexual. In other words if the person attracts, regardless of sex, one gets closer.

Maybe IE is too straight having started (so they say) from a dinner party discussion about missing out. At least IE means one does not really miss out.

1 member likes this comment.

Nuttielisious - 15 Feb, 2019 - 06:13PM

Yes I think there should be gay, lesbian, bisexual add, and for women and men to find,

I know from experience that all doesn’t have to be just for men to women. And women to men.there must be more choices

4 members like this comment.

1240404-Deleted - 15 Feb, 2019 - 04:31PM

Blimey, I think those questions / options would scare the bejeebers out of me. I guess my preference would be for this to be discussed under the privacy of private messages

4 members like this comment.

4you2Escape - 15 Feb, 2019 - 03:37PM

There are dating sites for bisexual and swingers so use those !!!

8 members like this comment.

1292545-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2019 - 02:37PM

It need not be complex.
Life is short. Share what is important to you to share

3 members like this comment.

Alicat47 - 03 Feb, 2019 - 09:23AM

Pognophile a person who loves beards

1250153-Deleted - 31 Jan, 2019 - 03:03PM

Great idea
Ditch eye colour and hair colour we need height smoking and FGS lets define what casual is
It means so many different things
Too me its hookups and probably multidating
Which is cool if thats what your looking for ...lots are but im not so would be good to know

As for sexuality
Why not put what you identify as if it will help you define and narrow down your search...

there are a few profiles of couples looking for singles or couples to join them
So maybe there should be a group heading for them
Of course it has to be optional but...

Anything that makes it easier for people to find their perfect IE has to be a good idea..yes?

7 members like this comment.

takenononsense - 30 Jan, 2019 - 03:50PM

I understand your preference, but t's a shame you still link sexuality to a person's job, occupation or vocation. Not only bohemian artists or poets can be bisexuals. Am I the only one who thinks that or have I missed something?

1287756-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 09:03AM

But if you had seen the look of horror when he realised and blustered clearly panic struck "I thought I was seeing you tomorrow"

Nooooo way back from that ;-)
I don't think he could have been any more shocked if one of us had been his wife

Lesson learnt no harm done

But it did highlight not everyone is honest when they say what their looking for and agree their "rules of engagement" with their IE

If he had been more honest I would have respected him more and made a more informed choice
And before people say this is an affair site no one is completely honest
There are lots of men and women who say what they mean and mean what they say

5 members like this comment.

Mavroma - 29 Jan, 2019 - 04:41PM

Yes, the profile fields could do with updating. More about sexual preferences, less about incidentals. No one should have to answer, but it is reasonable to invite people to say. Isn't that is the point of having fields in the first place? We are more relaxed about these things than only a few years back.

And it would be good to be able to SEARCH the fields properly - there seems no way to do that.

6 members like this comment.

peterjohn - 29 Jan, 2019 - 02:50PM

Dictionary.com doesn't even have pogonophile, it suggested pigeonhole instead.

4 members like this comment.

1123463-Deleted - 29 Jan, 2019 - 02:07PM

Conversation is the answer. If you don't talk to each other then what is this, just a transaction and a few tick boxes?

2 members like this comment.

Midnightincantation - 29 Jan, 2019 - 12:52PM

No you're not...I had to Google it too..:)

1 member likes this comment.

Friend2Hug - 29 Jan, 2019 - 11:07AM

MistressLouise - 25 Jan, 2019 - 02:13PM said :

Are you sure he wasn't trying his luck and hoping a threesome would result from it? ;-)

The Actress - 29 Jan, 2019 - 09:17AM

If it's important, then we mention it on our profiles, or early in a message exchange.

Carry on like this, and before you know, it, Ladies will be expected to reveal their bra size, and gentlemen? Well, I hardly like to say? ...............LOL

14 members like this comment.

1105479-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2019 - 10:10PM

You’ve proved with your post that there isn’t a need for this. You very obviously covered this early doors and have had your four successful IEs. Congratulations. (Is that what you wanted? )

5 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 28 Jan, 2019 - 05:37PM

Am I the only one who had to google what a pogonophile is? LOL

6 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 28 Jan, 2019 - 04:04PM

Does IE really need to widen the choices members have?. The subject of sexual preferences surely can be covered in a text . Is there really a need to have another option box in a profile

5 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 28 Jan, 2019 - 04:00PM

I don't think you need another category for this, although simply stating whether we are bisexual or not could be a possibility. But I do think that any strong gender or sexual preferences/needs should be made clear in your profile. This saves a lot of time. I remember one date where I was all ready to go to a meeting in a local pub when my IE called my to say 'Do you realise I'm a Dom? I'll be bringing my equipment in my car'. I thanked him for telling me, and cancelled the date. But what a lot of time had been wasted!

8 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 27 Jan, 2019 - 12:50PM

You can say on your profile what you are open to, however as far as I know only male to female contact is allowed, so if people liked the profile of the same sex it would not be possible.

For couples only again male to female contact allowed as no female to female chat or organisation able.

So yes for those that wish to have more contact with more people it would be logical for it to be possible.

3 members like this comment.

Bereweeke - 27 Jan, 2019 - 10:15AM

I have no preferences concerning eye colour or religion. However, I appreciate that religion is important to some people. With regard to sexuality, and the number of partners a person wishes to have, why not state this within your profile? There is plenty of room to do so if a person feels strongly about their likes/dislikes or the type of person they wish to meet.

3 members like this comment.

Raquel12 - 26 Jan, 2019 - 01:03PM

Absolutely! There should be an option on the site. However, anyone may omit certain preferences or not, it's a personal right. What one should not do is lie about it, especially if they are going to meet more than once or twice in a year. It's so much better and easier to have things clear from the start. It certainly avoids problems later. I mean, it does! I don't care about exclusivity, as long as it's clear to me. I don't have time for more than one meet a month, so I could not handle more than one person, but it doesn't bother me if I'm not exclusive to my IE. What I don't like is to be told I am when I am not. As it comes to sexuality, unless you are a bohemian artist or poet, I prefer straight men, sorry. But all in all, live and let live.

3 members like this comment.

Hattie 50 - 25 Jan, 2019 - 05:26PM

Interesting question. You could still ask that of a potential IE without it being on a profile. I’m bisexual, but here I am only looking for a male IE. I don’t think the site allows you to look for the same sex? Or did I miss that?

1289164-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 02:28PM

You could but there are also other sites that are possibly better 'optimised' for that kind of thing.

5 members like this comment.

1237907-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 02:25PM

All of your suggestions sound really good and IE should maybe look into widening the choices that we have. As someone who is a pogonophile with a leaning towards height I’ve always wanted these options as I know that some sites do.

1287756-Deleted - 25 Jan, 2019 - 02:13PM

Personally i think its entirely up to the individual to share/reveal as much or as little as they like it certainly would allow interested parties to make informed choices

my only comment would be as to whether some people would be honest about if they were looking for multiple partners even if it was an option
As it is likely to deter some people and narrow the available pool
In my experience some have said only looking for one but in fact have been very prolific to the point
two of us turned up too meet one guy we both thought we were exclusive with (another site) on the same date ...awks but we did laugh as we both walked away and went for a drink

3 members like this comment.

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