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Letters to Sara

Advice needed

Dear Sara,
I am wondering whether anyone else is put off replying to a message if the person's profile and the message he has sent is badly spelt?   I don't mean the occasional spelling mistake or grammatical error because we can all be guilty of that.  I recently looked at a profile of a guy I thought could be the one I was looking for but the spelling was so bad that I could hardly understand what he was trying to get across - so I didn't take it any further.  I don't think that I am a spelling snob, if there is such a thing; however, I do think that the profile is the 'shop window display' enticing someone to buy into an idea of the ideal IE partner.  If the spelling is sloppy then I tend to think that maybe the guy is sloppy in other ways too.
What do others think?

26 members like this.

Comments (46)

The Actress - 15 Aug, 2018 - 04:17PM

I didn't believe this at first; what you you think?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

6 members like this comment.

Sexsi1 - 15 Aug, 2018 - 09:02AM

CANT STND TXT SPK PERSNLY, IF RITE LK THS WIT POUR SPLNG N GMMR TN DNT REPL

3 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 14 Aug, 2018 - 11:33AM

Speak on the phone. That will tell you more than a thousand assumptions and overthinking.

Blonde Moment - 13 Aug, 2018 - 01:37AM

Personally I do believe the ability to construct an eloquent message with correct spelling is valuable as it does generally give an indication of someone who I could get on with .As far as I'm concerned I'd never meet anyone who couldn't be a friend in my personal and "real "life .However as some intelligent people have dyslexia ,it's not always cut and dried .Plus there are some very desirable guys who have technical and practical abilities and aren't stupid .I think you have to look further into their profile and if in doubt speak on the phone .It all depends what someone is looking for in a person .I wouldn't dismiss them straight away ,look at the whole person

1 member likes this comment.

Teicu - 12 Aug, 2018 - 06:16PM

sunbed 320 do not judge me by my profile pics. In my books you are just as bad!

2waysincerencounter - 10 Aug, 2018 - 09:47AM

I like lovers who recite entire poems when reaching the summit, implying a prolonged stay at the peak, my task and joy to facilitate such a long stay, because I can then enjoy a double-act, for sure. So, indeed, mastery of spoken English is thus an absolute must, although I don't mind poetry in another language being recited or sung as well, just to please those for whom English is not their first language. Of course, it is difficult, tremendously difficult, to find such a poetic lover but I am in good faith finding this superwoman. It is, moreover, a bonus when afterwards, in the so-called after-play, the poems are written down, then also requiring mastery of written English or the said other language. Bon voyage.

1 member likes this comment.

Cendrillon - 09 Aug, 2018 - 09:43PM

Depends what your looking for .... poor spelling, great shag. Excellent spelling, great mind. Still trying to work out the key to great shag, great mind. En avance ....

1 member likes this comment.

1252403-Deleted - 09 Aug, 2018 - 05:16PM

I heard awhile ago that 15% of students that had left school for uni had a very poor understanding of English grammar and spelling.
I gather that they were not taking English literature.

Auralistic - 09 Aug, 2018 - 12:34PM

The problem with the spelling and grammatical topic is that it is basically a very subjective issue.

It attracts advice and opinion that is divided. Many will find bad spelling very irritating and others will not mind and try to see through the issue.

Its all a matter of opinion. The actual tab allows you to send a message rather than a formal letter. Big difference between those two words . . It is just a basic form of communication. I think the trick is to just communicate with someone who looks interesting and see where it all goes ! There are all sorts of characters here. Some good and some bad . All i would say is . . .No matter what happens , Keep your manners and respect intact. That costs nothing . . .or is it nothin ? or nuttin ? lol

sunbed320 - 09 Aug, 2018 - 11:54AM

@Teicu 04 Aug, 2018:

I agree, it's shocking the way that fellow wrote to you. Putting "luv" instead of "love" - ugh!
However, it's possible that your other public profile photos gave him the wrong idea of your intentions...

4 members like this comment.

Hellobeautiful - 09 Aug, 2018 - 08:23AM

I agree if the spelling is all wrong they obviously can’t be that bothered into putting the effort in- you’d think that men would want to try and make a good impression

Mikeychap - 09 Aug, 2018 - 02:09AM

The guy might not be great at punctuation or spelling but could be really organised in his own life ! He also may have an issue so I wouldn’t think any different of him . Go for it you maybe surprised !

1 member likes this comment.

Stigga69 - 08 Aug, 2018 - 06:44PM

Girls
remember and realise that you are the cream whilst the men are the dregs. You have to get past a lot of dross to get the quality male that you deserve.

2 members like this comment.

Wuffa1 - 07 Aug, 2018 - 10:28PM

If they can spell ..respect, caring, attentive, laughter, kisses and naughtiness I think that covers all the important stuff.. ok, not quite but it is a good start.

1 member likes this comment.

Temping - 07 Aug, 2018 - 06:17PM

The Actress - 07 Aug, 2018 - 10:04AM

What about "the below example/list/chart/etc" which I have been noticing in letters and articles lately. Surely it should be "the example/list/chart/etc below"???

Others which set my teeth on edge are: "there and their" / "your and you're"

2 members like this comment.

Farenheit451 - 07 Aug, 2018 - 03:26PM

I agree with The Actress. Some mistakes are obviously just keyboard errors., and none of us is perfect.
But while we're getting it out of our systems:
There/They're/Their,
Your/You're
'Bored of.......' instead of 'Bored with.......",

PS. misstabatha, if you haven't punctuated on a date, you haven't lived!

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 07 Aug, 2018 - 10:04AM

One thing-one has mentioned so far, is the dreaded "predictive text" gremlin, who, as we all have found to our chagrin, knows far better than we do, what it is we're trying to say!

I suppose you COULD go back into your profile and correct, whereas a message once sen,t is set in stone! I always watch for "next letter" typos, so if someone invites me for a gun and tonic, I know what's intended, and shoot back an acceptance!
Abigail (The Actress) 🎬

PS. please don't get me started on "different to" (instead of different from), and the worst one of all, (often said by people who are mistakenly trying to be ultra helpful), "I'll send it to yourself". GRRRRR!

6 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 06 Aug, 2018 - 10:51PM

Keep in mind that for a decade or two, native speakers were not taught the English language, or grammar.
Friends from other countries often correct mine, I do try to reduce and not repeat errors, however I am not able to do so much as I would like.
I also feel a few 'things' may of/have been picked up if testing has happened in school in my olden days, been given help/support or at least know what my problems are.

I went into college and told two tutors I have a natural problem with x, y and z. Two years later they said, you have a natural problem (not lack of work or effort) with x, y and z.
I turned around and though gritted teeth very quietly said, I told you that two years ago!!!!!

I couple of people have very kindly and politely highlighted errors on my profile over time which I have thanked and corrected.

3 members like this comment.

misstabatha - 06 Aug, 2018 - 05:14PM

I personally find punctuation and spelling difficult as I have dyslexia and frequently mix up words and numbers as well as seeing the wrong word, till someone points it out to me, and its not because i'm lazy or a reflection on my personality its just something my brain doesn't get.
I'm just glad I dont need to spell and punctuate on a potential date or in bed, otherwise I'd have to become a nun 😉

6 members like this comment.

Roscoe65 - 06 Aug, 2018 - 01:01PM

While I agree wholeheartedly with the Lady ,do you not think the use of 'text speak 'to get the maximum capacity from a single text is somewhat to blame as it is making people lazy .

ExoticOrchid - 06 Aug, 2018 - 09:54AM

amber57 - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:47PM
"i, do start wondering.... how would any of you try to express them self's if this page would not be in English , but in a foreign language ?"

Haha, yes, I do take your point and it is a good one.
However, in this particular case, we are talking about people who already know the language but somehow are not writing it correctly.

ExoticOrchid - 06 Aug, 2018 - 09:48AM

SofiaByzantium - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:46AM
"if I had a penny for every graduate who gets discreet and discrete mixed up then I'd be a rich woman!"
"don't get me started with "could of" for could have - grrrrrr!!!"

Yes, Yes, Yes!!!
English is not my first language but I was taught the basics properly. It always shocks me when I read something like the above examples coming from a "native" speaker, especially those who claim to be Graduate/Masters Degree!

Apple Crumble - 04 Aug, 2018 - 10:10PM
"am guilty myself of using "............" Far too much. ... I wasn't taught that in school! :)"

I must admit I too am guilty of this and no, I wasn't taught that in school either!

1 member likes this comment.

Mature lady - 05 Aug, 2018 - 06:39PM

Oh! so very true..possibly the biggest turn off!

2 members like this comment.

Farenheit451 - 05 Aug, 2018 - 01:09PM

If a man or woman can't even be bothered to check the spelling in their 'personal ad', I doubt that they'll take any real care in whatever relationship they're looking for. Has anyone else come across the profile whose author claims to be a graduate or better, but who would quite clearly fail any exam on spelling and grammar alone?
Just a few of those things on my hit-list which tend to 'grate', include:
Discrete,, descreet, descrete, dressing for the ocassion, a wicked sence of humour, tactile and exiting.
Having said that, there is a lot to be said for anyone who actually takes the time to compose their own profile as opposed to using the profile generator to produce something which is cold and ultimately pointless. Or worst of all, the abominable Virtual Kiss! Perhaps the IE team should consider withdrawing these functions?



4 members like this comment.

Apple Crumble - 04 Aug, 2018 - 10:10PM

I am definitely a spelling snob ... "i" instead of "I" particularly bothers me for some reason, .. BUT ... I am guilty myself of using "............" Far too much. ... I wasn't taught that in school! :)

I also try to bear in mind that maybe English isn't their first language.
( I can speak no others so I'm impressed by those who can)

Plus I've had a few drinks tonight so this comment is probably full of mistakes ... And far too many ......'s

X

1 member likes this comment.

Gottheteeshirt - 04 Aug, 2018 - 08:36PM

Hi All, my spelling and grammar leave a lot to be desired. I left school at 15 and set up my own business which now employs 9 people, i display aircrafts around the world as a second job and i have managed all that whilst struggling to write a proper email

So please done discount people just because the initial comms might be poor

I struggle, and i know its a reason people don't reply but if they took time they would realise there is more to me than a few missing commas, and a clear lack of oxfords finest publication...

2 members like this comment.

sandy222 - 04 Aug, 2018 - 06:52PM

I always give badly spelt messages the benefit of the doubt. The might be dyslexic. To them the reply looks right.

Teicu - 04 Aug, 2018 - 05:09PM

I haven’t been on here for a while. I log on today to a message which simply said ‘luv to come on those tits’
What a charmer

3 members like this comment.

amber57 - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:47PM

i, do start wondering.... how would any of you try to express them self's if this page would not be in English , but in a foreign language ?
would you type in code , or me women... u men exetera... sorry its to funny to think of it must be the heat... giggles
Amber

amber57 - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:42PM

HI
DO you come here for the spelling problem's or do you come here to find a lover and Friend?
we not all
English , at least this guy made a effort to write , in your language!

2 members like this comment.

SofiaByzantium - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:46AM

I am an outright spelling snob, However, sometimes, in amongst the "unusual" spelling, it is quite obvious that someone is intelligent and this for me would tip the balance. I suppose the key is gathering information over time so if someone's spelling was poor but yet they showed an inquiring mind then I'd be prepared to converse further to see if there was sufficient in common for things to go forward.

Additionally, if I had a penny for every graduate who gets discreet and discrete mixed up then I'd be a rich woman!

More than spelling, the thing that is most likely to cause me to withdraw is utter laziness when guys say facile things like this "I like most things" - what on earth does that mean? It means they cannot be bothered to list what they are actually interested in.

And text speak..... - don't get me started with "could of" for could have - grrrrrr!!!

1 member likes this comment.

Joie de Vivre - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:37AM

I think if it is an issue now, it's going to be an issue in protracted conversations by text. Unless you foresee conversations only by phone and in person, this is just going to get worse. Cut and run now and find someone new - there do seem to be plenty of gentlemen on the site.

Kindred - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:35AM

Ting as, lanquage as aboat comoonikasion. Wevver texual or spakken. Wot as sed, ow at es sed, aal leeds te yer devolipping sanse of hoo ye r tarking te. Wevver ye atractored te thim o no. Mek yer judgemints, trist yer insinks. Thill probs bee reet.

1 member likes this comment.

Ecclefechan - 02 Aug, 2018 - 04:26PM

Let’s be honest. Linguistic ability matters.

1 member likes this comment.

2waysincerencounter - 02 Aug, 2018 - 03:09PM

Unless bad spelling is used as a decoy aka a cover. Have seen that too.

aelius - 02 Aug, 2018 - 01:43PM

Ask him? Seriously why do people ask for advice. Just ask the person. They may as people have already pointed out, be dyslexic or have some form of autistic condition. In my experience though, most people will actually tell you their condition or allude to it in their profile.

May even be foreign - oh my god! English not a first language ... you see whee this is going?

Just ask him!

silverpear - 02 Aug, 2018 - 01:09PM

I'd love to know how he 'could have been the one you were looking for' if you couldn't understand what he was trying to get across??!
I'm sure someone is making these letters up!

Summerbelle - 02 Aug, 2018 - 11:40AM

Spelling/grammar snob here too I'm afraid. I had a situation where his profile and messages on the site weren't badly written, but when we switched to messaging via WhatsApp he insisted on using text speak like some kind of teenager.

He was clearly an intelligent man and I knew from his profile that he was able to spell correctly (so not dyslexic) but the continuous use of phrases such as 'how r u' and 'wot r u doing 2nite' really put me off wanting to meet him.

1 member likes this comment.

Sexybexy - 02 Aug, 2018 - 07:31AM

I totally agree! I am certainly put off if a bloke can't write a decent sentence in English. I'm well educated, and however much I try not to be an academic snob, I know how difficult going on a date (let alone going to bed with!), 'yer typical British' yob. Keep on being picky and pass these guys guy. Maybe they'll get the message one day...

8 members like this comment.

MsCristal - 01 Aug, 2018 - 07:26PM

I am more put off with crude lewd and nasty rude introductions if im honest
why do some men think that's going to work and get a response.... Im baffled

Maybe the guy has issues with dyslexia or other cognitive difficulties

At least its more than one or two words, hi or hya or variations on how are you finding it on here which is a lot of intros
Before anybody starts knocking how hard it is to be original and how demoralising it is to craft a message not to get response especially as men send out more than women.. i do get that.. but lots of guys do manage it so....

So many are cut and paste with no personal reference or hint they have even read your profile (which its clear many haven't)
so for me I do appreciate a personally crafted message and make some allowances for spelling and grammer as i hope you do mine.
It doesnt need to be war and peace just friendly personal funny and short... and if youve read my profile and not ignored my preference i will reply with a polite yay

5 members like this comment.

EDinburghGent56 - 01 Aug, 2018 - 06:05PM

I'm not sure about sloppy. Poor spelling can be the result of a lack of education or dyslexia.

I agree that the profile is your advert to the waiting world. With spelling and grammar checkers you should be able to get it almost perfect. Having said that there are a good few profiles that appear to have been economical with the actualité which is a much more egregious fault.

4 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 01 Aug, 2018 - 05:35PM

Some people do have a problem with spelling and grammar. So one shouldn't be prejudice but for me someone who can communicate well and has an intelligent and interesting mind is a big plus. So I am afraid I tend to take bad spelling and poor sentences as either someone who can't be bothered to write things properly or not the sort of person I will enjoy getting on with outside of the bedroom.. And a good relationship for me is about both.

2 members like this comment.

Temping - 01 Aug, 2018 - 04:05PM

I agree with what you are saying and I too would be put off.

In this day of computers and spell checks, surely there is no reason for this level of bad spelling. It is of course possible that he could be dyslexic but if that is the case, how are you to know unless he mentions it.

1 member likes this comment.

half empty or half full - 01 Aug, 2018 - 01:22PM

I agree with you that this does give a poor impression and I have found that poor spelling and grammar is a giveaway, but worth getting into conversation if you that interested otherwise, see how he writes then, and if still bad, then yes move on

tea_coffee_me_ - 01 Aug, 2018 - 11:20AM

Apologies I am confused.

How did you decide he could be the one without first reading a profile, (photo) and a few messages? The name?

Too many people (the men I can understand on their time limits) seem to create conclusions too quickly.

Yes if the profile is badly undertaken, and you are making your conclusions on a name or location (no point trusting an age) chances are it will not continue. Yes I agree if there is no time taken on a profile there will not be time for you.
Some profiles you can see they are trying and if you can help, suggest, do so, they are not easy to create!

Many people after a message or two feel they have found the right one.
Many times I have met and had dinner with lovely men, both say we wish to meet again however that never happens. Until you are seeing each other regularly, they may not be the one.

It takes time, patience, communication.

4 members like this comment.

The Actress - 01 Aug, 2018 - 10:46AM

If being put off by poor spelling and grammar makes me a snob, then I'M A SNOB! There; I said it!

Oh sure: some people don't have the time to sub-edit everything, (as in a message,), but your profile should be a reflection of who you are, and a poorly composed one says so much!

Whilst were on the subject, though, I have to admit that I have been caught out more than once, by the dreaded "predictive text" gremlin, which seems to think it knows, far better than I do, what it is that I'm trying to type!

So maybe just a little leeway??? To be kind??

2 members like this comment.

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