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Letters to Sara

Advice needed

Dear Sara,
I am wondering whether anyone else is put off replying to a message if the person's profile and the message he has sent is badly spelt?   I don't mean the occasional spelling mistake or grammatical error because we can all be guilty of that.  I recently looked at a profile of a guy I thought could be the one I was looking for but the spelling was so bad that I could hardly understand what he was trying to get across - so I didn't take it any further.  I don't think that I am a spelling snob, if there is such a thing; however, I do think that the profile is the 'shop window display' enticing someone to buy into an idea of the ideal IE partner.  If the spelling is sloppy then I tend to think that maybe the guy is sloppy in other ways too.
What do others think?

52 members like this.

Comments (84)

1260376-Deleted - 09 Oct, 2018 - 12:28AM

Hi! I am put off by profiles with poor grammar and spelling.
I'm also put off by overly florid profile descriptions that list all the fantastic qualities the author has and the list of qualities a successful candidate must have.
I'm particularly put-off by those that emphasise the personal hygiene of the author too. Some things don't need to said and when you say them... it's suspicious.

And reviewing my list above, that looks like most of the profiles that have contacted me...

3 members like this comment.

1266497-Scheduled For Deletion - 07 Oct, 2018 - 12:10PM

Don't forget typing on a phone is majorly more difficult than doing it properly with a keyboard. With autospell about as useful as a chocolate fireguard tbis is often the reason for many spelling and grammatical errors - it is simply too annoying and frustrating fighting against so called on-screen-keyboards for many people

Try and find out what he is like rather than judging his spelling - just my 2p worth

3 members like this comment.

garlic47 - 06 Oct, 2018 - 03:48PM

I am guilty of spelling errors , it's the clandestine manner in which they are written- in a hurry!!

1 member likes this comment.

abiman - 05 Oct, 2018 - 07:01PM

Given that almost every application (including I.E.) underlines spelling mistakes with red wiggly lines, there really is little excuse for poor spelling if someone is making effort. Even if you happen to have dyslexia or wobbly fingers (I have two dyslexic brothers and am a lousy typist) the software will alert you to a lot of the errors. So, full of spelling issues, definite indicator of something. Bad homophones are as well... I remember Christmas Reef's on sale in my local shop one year... another off-putting signal.

Anyway, I find your 'he has sent' fairly biased. In my experience, male or female writers are equally capable of producing a bad first impression like that... and a profile or email that is grammatically perfect and spelled correctly but reeks of personal bias is even more off-putting.

warmlover - 29 Sep, 2018 - 03:05PM

Personally I think it's an example of attention to detail revealing a person's attitude. If I cook for a lady I make the meal as tasty, and as specific to her tastes as I can. If I send a message I try to be as accurate and clear as possible. It's the way I think, if I'm going to do something I'm going to try to do it well. If I care about someone I'm going to try to treat them properly, and that includes communicating.

WirePaul - 28 Sep, 2018 - 11:03PM

I believe nobody should get put off by the odd spelling mistake, now if there's quite a few spelling errors and the grammar is poor then there's no excuse as you have a spell check right.
But bear in mind and we mustn't forget that most people are creating/ updating profiles plus sending messages in the evening when your brain is getting tired and I think most of us write messages fast without even reading them back before sending, let's not all get hung up over this.
Some of the responses I've had back in terms of messages the standard of grammar is only what I would call average but who cares as no one is perfect.
But saying all this, everyone does need to remember that first impressions do count and your profile is just that.
I myself would open up a chat and if the messages are just as bad then seek elsewhere.

Firestick19722018 - 28 Sep, 2018 - 12:05PM

If I may, I'm 46years old and dyslexic. Dyslexia wasn't known when I went to school, so I was thick!! My son is severely dyslexic and tells me repeatedly ( you don't know what it's like) hmmm my reply is, I never had the internet, smart phones or spell check. I get grammar wrong but I always try to make sure I spell things correctly. I feel misjudged sometimes in public... but I feel it's no excuse while online and have all the help right at your fingertips.

3 members like this comment.

dark rose - 25 Sep, 2018 - 01:05PM

I agree with Ambipure!!

FriendlySteve - 18 Sep, 2018 - 12:49PM

Ambipure75 mentions a computer generated profile!


I was wondering where I could get one of those.


Although I have been on a three day technical report writing course, the profile that I have written on here could hardly attract less attention ! ( That is none by the way! )

1 member likes this comment.

Ambipure75 - 14 Sep, 2018 - 09:17PM

I am put off by the following:

Poor grammar/spelling
Computer generated profile
No description under ‘ideal patrner’ followed by a generic description in the ‘about me’ section
Overly sexual content in the profile.

Maybe I’m fussy but seriously, some of these men are pure chancers!

10 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 10 Sep, 2018 - 08:13PM

Martpwpe - 06 Sep, 2018 - 10:11PM
Indeed!!!

HRTfanLouise - 08 Sep, 2018 - 03:43PM

I would be pretty unlikely to reply to a poorly spelled first mail or profile or one with awful grammar. If it was a nice mail, I might say "thanks, but no thanks" but likely nothing more.

It is so easy to check spelling these days, and even grammar is easy to check - just put it through Word and it will make lots of suggestions.

I am probably more lenient when in the middle of ongoing conversations because as the original letter says, we all do occasional typos. First contact though is like a shop window and deserves more care.

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 07 Sep, 2018 - 10:28AM

Can I just say that the majority here are not talking about the occasional obvious typo, autocorrect, English as second language or dyslexia.

English is my second language but I fail to understand how supposedly educated [those claiming "Graduate/Masters Degree"] people here still do not know the difference between "your" and "you're" or "there" and "their" or more relevantly for this site, the difference between "discreet" and "discrete" ... I rest my case!

10 members like this comment.

Martpwpe - 06 Sep, 2018 - 10:11PM

Thanks Exotic Orchid. Though thinking about it I am wondering why I would want to differentiate between the two. Maybe one who does both would be even more fun :-) :-)

1 member likes this comment.

Eloquent pleasures2012 - 04 Sep, 2018 - 11:16PM

So don't read it, perfect mistress material, instead of making caustic comments. Many people reading will have joined recently and the ability to string a sentence together is important to many of us.

9 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 04 Sep, 2018 - 07:11PM

Martpwpe - 04 Sep, 2018 - 09:33AM
Oh that made me laugh ... !!!

1 member likes this comment.

perfect mistress material - 04 Sep, 2018 - 11:21AM

The Grammar Police letter has been done before a couple of times .....boring

3 members like this comment.

Martpwpe - 04 Sep, 2018 - 09:33AM

Of course good spelling can help in the search by differentiating between a "woman who enjoys and can hold her liquor" and a "woman who enjoys and can hold her licker....." :-) :-)

3 members like this comment.

Lady Leona - 03 Sep, 2018 - 08:35PM

Suppose he is dyslexic!!!
Not something he’d probably want to admit in his profile.
I’d want to chat to him and get an impression before deciding whether to meet.
Always prepared to give someone the benefit of the doubt!!

5 members like this comment.

1257498-Deleted - 03 Sep, 2018 - 09:50AM

My French vocabulary is pretty weak, however you should try to use English Grammar correctly.

1 member likes this comment.

pauloderoy - 02 Sep, 2018 - 10:36PM

Hi there, sometimes, I think that poor spelling is not necessarily a reflection on sloppiness or poor education. I, for instance am pretty well educated ..but I am rubbish at typing fast .....so that's where a lot of my typos come from. I suspect that that is true of many others too.
Paul x

1 member likes this comment.

1219506-Deleted - 31 Aug, 2018 - 04:44AM

Do you mean poor grammer, or the odd spelling mistake? I thing gut instinct tells you straight away wether it is a genuine mistake or a selection of the person - if something in their profile or message resonates with me then I would not be offended.

douglasO - 30 Aug, 2018 - 10:59AM

Bully for you, Fahrenheit 451- that's the old one about the sign on a shop called This and That- the owner rang the signwriter to complain that the space between 'This' and 'And', and 'And' and 'That' isn't the same.

While I'm at it, try punctuating 'Where Tom had had had, Bill had had had had had had had had the teacher's approbation'.

Finally Google the poem 'Eye halve a spelling chequer..' which is indeed a cautionary tale for the unwary.

Enough light relief for this morning...

The Actress - 29 Aug, 2018 - 06:02PM

P.S. Having read all these messages, I feel I owe an apology to some of the people here who are somewhat etymologically challenged. Especially when English isn't their first language..

I think it would be wiser to reserve my ire for gentlemen who ask (in an opening message) what I like in bed, and what my favourite sexual positions are!!!

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 29 Aug, 2018 - 05:50PM

He asked for a new sign for his shop, "Smiles and son", but when the sign painter delivered it, he took one look and said"----

The space between "Smiles" and "and" and "and" and "Sons", is different. Please space it correctly.

Then of course there's --- Smith, where Jones had had, "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had the examiner's approval

I'm sure someone else with come up with more! LOL

1 member likes this comment.

looking4lust - 29 Aug, 2018 - 05:47PM

Over recent years in particular, the UK has seen a huge influx of non-natives taking up residence. So could they have English as their second language? If not, perhaps not a write off - but I am of the school of "you don't get a second chance to make a first impression", and I would question how intellectual any conversation might be. If conversation is what you want.
But, we do also live in the world of smelling pisstakes, and auto"correcct", which really can be your worst enema if you don't reed what you haf writ B4 you hit sned.

FriendlySteve - 27 Aug, 2018 - 03:52PM

I have known many lovely ladies from other countries whose spelling in English is not good.

But my spelling in other languages is awful, except in French.

A Chinese secretary once told me she had been to a play called The Taming of the Stew !

In Arabic and Hindi I cannot read any of the written words. ( Except my name and the word for "gents" on toilets! )

And a very few English people have pretty appalling spelling too!

3 members like this comment.

1244855-Deleted - 27 Aug, 2018 - 12:50PM

If anyone anyone can compose a sentence, which makes sense, is grammatically correct, using the word 'and' 5 times in succession, with no other words in between, I'll forgive them any spelling mistakes or lapses in grammar they care to inflict on me.

optimusprime - 25 Aug, 2018 - 11:15AM

could sloppy spelling be a reflection of a persons personality?

1 member likes this comment.

1245101-Deleted - 24 Aug, 2018 - 09:26PM

You think the guy maybe sloppy

Reality is you dont know; as you have not established contact to validate the assertion you make.

You dont think your a spelling snob; then why mention it

Try reality not conspiracy theories; one is real the other non quantified

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 20 Aug, 2018 - 02:10PM

Martpwpe - 20 Aug, 2018 - 12:16PM
"There are a lot of things useful to being on this site which I wasn't taught at school."

Indeed ... no doubt it is the same for everyone here!!! ;-)

1 member likes this comment.

Martpwpe - 20 Aug, 2018 - 12:16PM

Exotic Orchid
There are a lot of things useful to being on this site which I wasn't taught at school. But it doesn't seem to affect me or impact on the effect..... :-) :-)

2 members like this comment.

Martpwpe - 20 Aug, 2018 - 12:12PM

Well as they say, the importance of good grammar, spelling and punctuation is knowing your sh*t and knowing you're sh*t.......:-) :-) :-)

7 members like this comment.

Glory Box - 18 Aug, 2018 - 10:14PM

I think crappy spelling is ok if it's acknowledged - e.g. ''I can't spell/I'm dyslexic"
After all loads of lovely people are dyslexic.
Lazy spelling, however, is awful....

One can usually tell by the words used, even if they are incorrectly spelt.

Maybe dare to speak on the phone?

2 members like this comment.

Suze2018 - 18 Aug, 2018 - 08:21PM

I'm the same. I know people who have bad grammar and spelling so type their message on Word, then copy and paste. OR - maybe they've had a few drinks!

2waysincerencounter - 17 Aug, 2018 - 05:15PM

Better that then Etonian, grammatically correct, yet vile, contemptuous, Boris-Johnson-type speak/language/behaviour that may be well be popular here, or not?

2 members like this comment.

1249520-Deleted - 17 Aug, 2018 - 02:30PM

'The Actress ' = Boring!

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 16 Aug, 2018 - 05:50PM


The Actress - 15 Aug, 2018 - 04:17PM
Yes, I have seen that before ... we read what it should be and not what it is.

The Actress - 15 Aug, 2018 - 04:17PM

I didn't believe this at first; what you you think?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

26 members like this comment.

Sexsi1 - 15 Aug, 2018 - 09:02AM

CANT STND TXT SPK PERSNLY, IF RITE LK THS WIT POUR SPLNG N GMMR TN DNT REPL

4 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 14 Aug, 2018 - 11:33AM

Speak on the phone. That will tell you more than a thousand assumptions and overthinking.

4 members like this comment.

Blonde Moment - 13 Aug, 2018 - 01:37AM

Personally I do believe the ability to construct an eloquent message with correct spelling is valuable as it does generally give an indication of someone who I could get on with .As far as I'm concerned I'd never meet anyone who couldn't be a friend in my personal and "real "life .However as some intelligent people have dyslexia ,it's not always cut and dried .Plus there are some very desirable guys who have technical and practical abilities and aren't stupid .I think you have to look further into their profile and if in doubt speak on the phone .It all depends what someone is looking for in a person .I wouldn't dismiss them straight away ,look at the whole person

3 members like this comment.

Teicu - 12 Aug, 2018 - 06:16PM

sunbed 320 do not judge me by my profile pics. In my books you are just as bad!

2waysincerencounter - 10 Aug, 2018 - 09:47AM

I like lovers who recite entire poems when reaching the summit, implying a prolonged stay at the peak, my task and joy to facilitate such a long stay, because I can then enjoy a double-act, for sure. So, indeed, mastery of spoken English is thus an absolute must, although I don't mind poetry in another language being recited or sung as well, just to please those for whom English is not their first language. Of course, it is difficult, tremendously difficult, to find such a poetic lover but I am in good faith finding this superwoman. It is, moreover, a bonus when afterwards, in the so-called after-play, the poems are written down, then also requiring mastery of written English or the said other language. Bon voyage.

1 member likes this comment.

Cendrillon - 09 Aug, 2018 - 09:43PM

Depends what your looking for .... poor spelling, great shag. Excellent spelling, great mind. Still trying to work out the key to great shag, great mind. En avance ....

2 members like this comment.

1252403-Deleted - 09 Aug, 2018 - 05:16PM

I heard awhile ago that 15% of students that had left school for uni had a very poor understanding of English grammar and spelling.
I gather that they were not taking English literature.

Auralistic - 09 Aug, 2018 - 12:34PM

The problem with the spelling and grammatical topic is that it is basically a very subjective issue.

It attracts advice and opinion that is divided. Many will find bad spelling very irritating and others will not mind and try to see through the issue.

Its all a matter of opinion. The actual tab allows you to send a message rather than a formal letter. Big difference between those two words . . It is just a basic form of communication. I think the trick is to just communicate with someone who looks interesting and see where it all goes ! There are all sorts of characters here. Some good and some bad . All i would say is . . .No matter what happens , Keep your manners and respect intact. That costs nothing . . .or is it nothin ? or nuttin ? lol

sunbed320 - 09 Aug, 2018 - 11:54AM

@Teicu 04 Aug, 2018:

I agree, it's shocking the way that fellow wrote to you. Putting "luv" instead of "love" - ugh!
However, it's possible that your other public profile photos gave him the wrong idea of your intentions...

5 members like this comment.

1247969-Deleted - 09 Aug, 2018 - 08:23AM

I agree if the spelling is all wrong they obviously can’t be that bothered into putting the effort in- you’d think that men would want to try and make a good impression

Mikeychap - 09 Aug, 2018 - 02:09AM

The guy might not be great at punctuation or spelling but could be really organised in his own life ! He also may have an issue so I wouldn’t think any different of him . Go for it you maybe surprised !

1 member likes this comment.

Stigga69 - 08 Aug, 2018 - 06:44PM

Girls
remember and realise that you are the cream whilst the men are the dregs. You have to get past a lot of dross to get the quality male that you deserve.

2 members like this comment.

Wuffa1 - 07 Aug, 2018 - 10:28PM

If they can spell ..respect, caring, attentive, laughter, kisses and naughtiness I think that covers all the important stuff.. ok, not quite but it is a good start.

2 members like this comment.

Temping - 07 Aug, 2018 - 06:17PM

The Actress - 07 Aug, 2018 - 10:04AM

What about "the below example/list/chart/etc" which I have been noticing in letters and articles lately. Surely it should be "the example/list/chart/etc below"???

Others which set my teeth on edge are: "there and their" / "your and you're"

4 members like this comment.

1244855-Deleted - 07 Aug, 2018 - 03:26PM

I agree with The Actress. Some mistakes are obviously just keyboard errors., and none of us is perfect.
But while we're getting it out of our systems:
There/They're/Their,
Your/You're
'Bored of.......' instead of 'Bored with.......",

PS. misstabatha, if you haven't punctuated on a date, you haven't lived!

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 07 Aug, 2018 - 10:04AM

One thing-one has mentioned so far, is the dreaded "predictive text" gremlin, who, as we all have found to our chagrin, knows far better than we do, what it is we're trying to say!

I suppose you COULD go back into your profile and correct, whereas a message once sen,t is set in stone! I always watch for "next letter" typos, so if someone invites me for a gun and tonic, I know what's intended, and shoot back an acceptance!
Abigail (The Actress) 🎬

PS. please don't get me started on "different to" (instead of different from), and the worst one of all, (often said by people who are mistakenly trying to be ultra helpful), "I'll send it to yourself". GRRRRR!

6 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 06 Aug, 2018 - 10:51PM

Keep in mind that for a decade or two, native speakers were not taught the English language, or grammar.
Friends from other countries often correct mine, I do try to reduce and not repeat errors, however I am not able to do so much as I would like.
I also feel a few 'things' may of/have been picked up if testing has happened in school in my olden days, been given help/support or at least know what my problems are.

I went into college and told two tutors I have a natural problem with x, y and z. Two years later they said, you have a natural problem (not lack of work or effort) with x, y and z.
I turned around and though gritted teeth very quietly said, I told you that two years ago!!!!!

I couple of people have very kindly and politely highlighted errors on my profile over time which I have thanked and corrected.

3 members like this comment.

misstabatha - 06 Aug, 2018 - 05:14PM

I personally find punctuation and spelling difficult as I have dyslexia and frequently mix up words and numbers as well as seeing the wrong word, till someone points it out to me, and its not because i'm lazy or a reflection on my personality its just something my brain doesn't get.
I'm just glad I dont need to spell and punctuate on a potential date or in bed, otherwise I'd have to become a nun 😉

6 members like this comment.

Roscoe65 - 06 Aug, 2018 - 01:01PM

While I agree wholeheartedly with the Lady ,do you not think the use of 'text speak 'to get the maximum capacity from a single text is somewhat to blame as it is making people lazy .

ExoticOrchid - 06 Aug, 2018 - 09:54AM

amber57 - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:47PM
"i, do start wondering.... how would any of you try to express them self's if this page would not be in English , but in a foreign language ?"

Haha, yes, I do take your point and it is a good one.
However, in this particular case, we are talking about people who already know the language but somehow are not writing it correctly.

ExoticOrchid - 06 Aug, 2018 - 09:48AM

SofiaByzantium - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:46AM
"if I had a penny for every graduate who gets discreet and discrete mixed up then I'd be a rich woman!"
"don't get me started with "could of" for could have - grrrrrr!!!"

Yes, Yes, Yes!!!
English is not my first language but I was taught the basics properly. It always shocks me when I read something like the above examples coming from a "native" speaker, especially those who claim to be Graduate/Masters Degree!

Apple Crumble - 04 Aug, 2018 - 10:10PM
"am guilty myself of using "............" Far too much. ... I wasn't taught that in school! :)"

I must admit I too am guilty of this and no, I wasn't taught that in school either!

1 member likes this comment.

Mature lady - 05 Aug, 2018 - 06:39PM

Oh! so very true..possibly the biggest turn off!

2 members like this comment.

1244855-Deleted - 05 Aug, 2018 - 01:09PM

If a man or woman can't even be bothered to check the spelling in their 'personal ad', I doubt that they'll take any real care in whatever relationship they're looking for. Has anyone else come across the profile whose author claims to be a graduate or better, but who would quite clearly fail any exam on spelling and grammar alone?
Just a few of those things on my hit-list which tend to 'grate', include:
Discrete,, descreet, descrete, dressing for the ocassion, a wicked sence of humour, tactile and exiting.
Having said that, there is a lot to be said for anyone who actually takes the time to compose their own profile as opposed to using the profile generator to produce something which is cold and ultimately pointless. Or worst of all, the abominable Virtual Kiss! Perhaps the IE team should consider withdrawing these functions?



4 members like this comment.

Apple Crumble - 04 Aug, 2018 - 10:10PM

I am definitely a spelling snob ... "i" instead of "I" particularly bothers me for some reason, .. BUT ... I am guilty myself of using "............" Far too much. ... I wasn't taught that in school! :)

I also try to bear in mind that maybe English isn't their first language.
( I can speak no others so I'm impressed by those who can)

Plus I've had a few drinks tonight so this comment is probably full of mistakes ... And far too many ......'s

X

1 member likes this comment.

Gottheteeshirt - 04 Aug, 2018 - 08:36PM

Hi All, my spelling and grammar leave a lot to be desired. I left school at 15 and set up my own business which now employs 9 people, i display aircrafts around the world as a second job and i have managed all that whilst struggling to write a proper email

So please done discount people just because the initial comms might be poor

I struggle, and i know its a reason people don't reply but if they took time they would realise there is more to me than a few missing commas, and a clear lack of oxfords finest publication...

2 members like this comment.

sandy222 - 04 Aug, 2018 - 06:52PM

I always give badly spelt messages the benefit of the doubt. The might be dyslexic. To them the reply looks right.

Teicu - 04 Aug, 2018 - 05:09PM

I haven’t been on here for a while. I log on today to a message which simply said ‘luv to come on those tits’
What a charmer

3 members like this comment.

amber57 - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:47PM

i, do start wondering.... how would any of you try to express them self's if this page would not be in English , but in a foreign language ?
would you type in code , or me women... u men exetera... sorry its to funny to think of it must be the heat... giggles
Amber

amber57 - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:42PM

HI
DO you come here for the spelling problem's or do you come here to find a lover and Friend?
we not all
English , at least this guy made a effort to write , in your language!

2 members like this comment.

SofiaByzantium - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:46AM

I am an outright spelling snob, However, sometimes, in amongst the "unusual" spelling, it is quite obvious that someone is intelligent and this for me would tip the balance. I suppose the key is gathering information over time so if someone's spelling was poor but yet they showed an inquiring mind then I'd be prepared to converse further to see if there was sufficient in common for things to go forward.

Additionally, if I had a penny for every graduate who gets discreet and discrete mixed up then I'd be a rich woman!

More than spelling, the thing that is most likely to cause me to withdraw is utter laziness when guys say facile things like this "I like most things" - what on earth does that mean? It means they cannot be bothered to list what they are actually interested in.

And text speak..... - don't get me started with "could of" for could have - grrrrrr!!!

1 member likes this comment.

1101727-Deleted - 03 Aug, 2018 - 11:37AM

I think if it is an issue now, it's going to be an issue in protracted conversations by text. Unless you foresee conversations only by phone and in person, this is just going to get worse. Cut and run now and find someone new - there do seem to be plenty of gentlemen on the site.

1249396-Deleted - 03 Aug, 2018 - 06:35AM

Ting as, lanquage as aboat comoonikasion. Wevver texual or spakken. Wot as sed, ow at es sed, aal leeds te yer devolipping sanse of hoo ye r tarking te. Wevver ye atractored te thim o no. Mek yer judgemints, trist yer insinks. Thill probs bee reet.

1 member likes this comment.

Ecclefechan - 02 Aug, 2018 - 04:26PM

Let’s be honest. Linguistic ability matters.

1 member likes this comment.

2waysincerencounter - 02 Aug, 2018 - 03:09PM

Unless bad spelling is used as a decoy aka a cover. Have seen that too.

1144348-Deleted - 02 Aug, 2018 - 01:43PM

Ask him? Seriously why do people ask for advice. Just ask the person. They may as people have already pointed out, be dyslexic or have some form of autistic condition. In my experience though, most people will actually tell you their condition or allude to it in their profile.

May even be foreign - oh my god! English not a first language ... you see whee this is going?

Just ask him!

silverpear - 02 Aug, 2018 - 01:09PM

I'd love to know how he 'could have been the one you were looking for' if you couldn't understand what he was trying to get across??!
I'm sure someone is making these letters up!

Summerbelle - 02 Aug, 2018 - 11:40AM

Spelling/grammar snob here too I'm afraid. I had a situation where his profile and messages on the site weren't badly written, but when we switched to messaging via WhatsApp he insisted on using text speak like some kind of teenager.

He was clearly an intelligent man and I knew from his profile that he was able to spell correctly (so not dyslexic) but the continuous use of phrases such as 'how r u' and 'wot r u doing 2nite' really put me off wanting to meet him.

2 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 02 Aug, 2018 - 07:31AM

I totally agree! I am certainly put off if a bloke can't write a decent sentence in English. I'm well educated, and however much I try not to be an academic snob, I know how difficult going on a date (let alone going to bed with!), 'yer typical British' yob. Keep on being picky and pass these guys guy. Maybe they'll get the message one day...

8 members like this comment.

MsCristal - 01 Aug, 2018 - 07:26PM

I am more put off with crude lewd and nasty rude introductions if im honest
why do some men think that's going to work and get a response.... Im baffled

Maybe the guy has issues with dyslexia or other cognitive difficulties

At least its more than one or two words, hi or hya or variations on how are you finding it on here which is a lot of intros
Before anybody starts knocking how hard it is to be original and how demoralising it is to craft a message not to get response especially as men send out more than women.. i do get that.. but lots of guys do manage it so....

So many are cut and paste with no personal reference or hint they have even read your profile (which its clear many haven't)
so for me I do appreciate a personally crafted message and make some allowances for spelling and grammer as i hope you do mine.
It doesnt need to be war and peace just friendly personal funny and short... and if youve read my profile and not ignored my preference i will reply with a polite yay

5 members like this comment.

EDinburghGent56 - 01 Aug, 2018 - 06:05PM

I'm not sure about sloppy. Poor spelling can be the result of a lack of education or dyslexia.

I agree that the profile is your advert to the waiting world. With spelling and grammar checkers you should be able to get it almost perfect. Having said that there are a good few profiles that appear to have been economical with the actualité which is a much more egregious fault.

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Whatabounder - 01 Aug, 2018 - 05:35PM

Some people do have a problem with spelling and grammar. So one shouldn't be prejudice but for me someone who can communicate well and has an intelligent and interesting mind is a big plus. So I am afraid I tend to take bad spelling and poor sentences as either someone who can't be bothered to write things properly or not the sort of person I will enjoy getting on with outside of the bedroom.. And a good relationship for me is about both.

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Temping - 01 Aug, 2018 - 04:05PM

I agree with what you are saying and I too would be put off.

In this day of computers and spell checks, surely there is no reason for this level of bad spelling. It is of course possible that he could be dyslexic but if that is the case, how are you to know unless he mentions it.

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1249918-Deleted - 01 Aug, 2018 - 01:22PM

I agree with you that this does give a poor impression and I have found that poor spelling and grammar is a giveaway, but worth getting into conversation if you that interested otherwise, see how he writes then, and if still bad, then yes move on

tea_coffee_me_ - 01 Aug, 2018 - 11:20AM

Apologies I am confused.

How did you decide he could be the one without first reading a profile, (photo) and a few messages? The name?

Too many people (the men I can understand on their time limits) seem to create conclusions too quickly.

Yes if the profile is badly undertaken, and you are making your conclusions on a name or location (no point trusting an age) chances are it will not continue. Yes I agree if there is no time taken on a profile there will not be time for you.
Some profiles you can see they are trying and if you can help, suggest, do so, they are not easy to create!

Many people after a message or two feel they have found the right one.
Many times I have met and had dinner with lovely men, both say we wish to meet again however that never happens. Until you are seeing each other regularly, they may not be the one.

It takes time, patience, communication.

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The Actress - 01 Aug, 2018 - 10:46AM

If being put off by poor spelling and grammar makes me a snob, then I'M A SNOB! There; I said it!

Oh sure: some people don't have the time to sub-edit everything, (as in a message,), but your profile should be a reflection of who you are, and a poorly composed one says so much!

Whilst were on the subject, though, I have to admit that I have been caught out more than once, by the dreaded "predictive text" gremlin, which seems to think it knows, far better than I do, what it is that I'm trying to type!

So maybe just a little leeway??? To be kind??

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