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Letters to Sara

Why can't some men handle rejection?

Dear Sara,
I recently had a brief conversation with a guy who I thought had a GSOH. After swapping pw's he said that if I was in a pub alone he would come over and chat to me. I said that I thought we would get on and have a good laugh but that I would take a taxi home. His reply was, get real, you're no f...ing oil painting. Shame he immediately blocked me like a coward as I wanted to tell him that he had made me laugh, esp as his profile states that he knows how to treat a lady! I could name him but why bother, he knows who he is. GSOH - No! Loser - Yes!
My opinion is that an IE affair most times will ultimately lead to sex, so, if you can't see yourself horizontally with the guy then don't waste his time or yours and say no politely. Do they think they're all God's or do they think we are all desperate slappers who will bed anyone?
Ladies!! I just want to say that if you receive messages like this, don't get upset and take it to heart, do what I did and laugh, we are worth so much more.

81 members like this.

Comments (69)

CoKo21 - 08 Jul, 2018 - 10:17PM

I think I may have encountered the same bore as Temping! He had written to me and I had looked at his message but didn't have time (or space, it's not always easy being on the IE site for very long) to respond at that time. I wasn't on for a couple of days (no opportunity) and, when I returned, ready to write an appreciative response, there was some bonkers stuff from him about being a time-waster etc etc (yawn) because I hadn't instantly replied with the gratitude he clearly thought I should display! And, guess what, I couldn't reply then because the petulant infant had blocked me. He said he'd had a lucky miss. I rather think I had.

9 members like this comment.

kellysmile - 08 Jul, 2018 - 06:39PM

Is it classed as rude if someone sends you their pics and you very politely say - ‘you seem great- however not my type - good luck with your search?” and then dont reciprocate with your pics? I didnt see the point in sending mine- as it wasn’t going anywhere - because I didnt he was then very rude. But someone has to send first and it happened to be him - am I wrong? Should I have sent mine over anyway?

5 members like this comment.

1240697-Scheduled For Deletion - 07 Jul, 2018 - 04:27AM

Hi Sara
I’m just a normal nice guy who is honest considering where we are. But I have found that I leave messages sometimes get replies and seem to be getting on well. Then silence I would rather someone be honest and say they are not interested because I would it’s just courtesy us guys do have feeling and not all just chancers

4 members like this comment.

De8raT - 06 Jul, 2018 - 12:39PM

This is a tough one. I always respond if someone sends me an actual message that says more than “hi” and is not just a VK. If someone has made the effort to message me I feel it’s only polite to respond. I have been insulted for “rejecting” someone in North Yorkshire and Scotland......I’m in Essex so we were never going to meet.
I usually say no if the distance is prohibitive, if they have interests that they really enjoy and I hate. I always look at a profile of someone contacting me as if I’ve nothing in common with someone, I’m not going to want to spend time with. I also tend to say no to really young men, I.e. more than 10 years my junior as I’m just not attracted to very young men. Unfortunately polite rejections often result in insults or being hounded to give more and more reasons why I’m not interested or being told I’m narrow minded, etc.
At the end of the day we each like what we like and this site is about finding something outside of our day to day existence, a bit of

3 members like this comment.

Temping - 02 Jul, 2018 - 09:54PM

Piaff - 30 Jun, 2018 - 10:09PM
"@sparklymasa

Did you want some cheese with that whine? - "men have to pay a huge price in cost to be on here""

Totally agree with you ... yes, men have to pay to join IE but I would hardly say it's "a huge price" ... !!!

8 members like this comment.

Speaknow - 02 Jul, 2018 - 01:28PM

Piaff, the difference is that you, as a woman, don't have to pay anything to exchange messages on here if you don't wish to. Men have no option.

1 member likes this comment.

Whatabounder - 01 Jul, 2018 - 11:16AM

Rejection in itself is not nice, nobody welcomes it.

Some may have false ideas about their worth, or what they think this site is?

Sometimes you meet someone and think they would be just lovely to spend some time with and if you then get rejected you get sad for what you think you might have.

Other times you just know you aren't going to be the one for them! :)

The worst ones are where you seem to get along just fine, all the communication seems to indicate there is the possibility of something then out of the blue - you are dumped and often without any indication. Those are the hardest to take.

So I don't think all rejections are difficult to handle. Saying 'No' with sensitivity is important. Treat others as you would want to be treated yourself.

8 members like this comment.

Piaff - 30 Jun, 2018 - 10:09PM

@sparklymasa

Did you want some cheese with that whine? - "men have to pay a huge price in cost to be on here"
When women totals up the price of her "monthly debits" over a year, I dare say it comes to around £500 until the night sweats occur. About time we had a freebie!
Nobody is putting a gun to your head.
The ego has landed and there's a price to pay.

2 members like this comment.

PenelopePitstop - 29 Jun, 2018 - 10:25AM

Just reading the comments and saw one from Smooth Operator. Man alive, the guy's cracked it! I realise now it has become easy to be slightly more 'refined' in my search on here. I am Mrs Average, I am aware of this, but having had my share of positive messages, it is very much a case of allowing myself to believe I am sex-on-a-stick occassionally,
and wrongly, just as S O describes.: ) : ) : ) 😔

I would never be rude in rejection though, but would also probably chuckle if rejected rudely : )

Temping - 27 Jun, 2018 - 07:49AM

Here's a good one.

I was chatting with someone and it came to the stage where I felt photo passwords needed to be exchanged. I gave my password [against my better judgement] and added that I was going to be out for the rest of the day and that I will check back later.

When I logged on in the early evening, there were two messages from the said gentleman [I use the term very loosely!]. One was to give me his password. The other was a few hours later accusing me of not having the manners to say no thanks on viewing his photo. He had obviously not read my original message where I had said I'd be out and also, he was not bright enough to realise that his message with the password had not been read yet when he sent his second childish and petulant message.

Upon trying to send a reply politely pointing out what a sad and silly man he is, I discovered I had been blocked!!! Obviously his loss, not mine.

2 members like this comment.

Robgreatday - 26 Jun, 2018 - 07:22PM

He is an idiot.
I have a similar problem being a short guy , a high percentage of ladies on here only want tall guys.

Truly Madly Guilty - 22 Jun, 2018 - 01:53PM

Immature men with low self esteem can't handle rejection.

Mature, confident men understand that rejection is part of dating, that we all like different things and not to take it to heart. To thank someone for their time and move on.

1 member likes this comment.

Alamuese - 21 Jun, 2018 - 01:39PM

I had a similar reaction when I was chatting to a guy and he asked me personally uncomfortable questions regarding my likes and dislike .. he called me a fat ugly slut . I was astonished a grown man could carry on like that? Laughing wonder if it’s the same guy?

1241567-Deleted - 20 Jun, 2018 - 05:57PM

Hi Sara just wanted to say i agree with you seems to me blokes think too much of themselves and think that this is just a knocking shop for desperate women so far had only abuse myself and yes I'm no oil painting but neither are half of them but I do have manners and say thanks but no thanks if can see myself horizontal with someone and really wish they would have the same manners rather than calling me a minger then blocking me or some other derogatory comment.

I am only me. That is all I can be. No more no less, don't second guess. I love,I live, I laugh, I cry. I've wished sometimes that I could die. Some day's I'm funny. others I'm not. Sometimes I'm in overdrive and I can't stop. You may not like me and that's OK because this is me and how I'll stay.

Good things are worth waiting for and not so pretty people that are not up their own arses tend to be more fun in bed they put in more effort and enthusiasm...lol

2 members like this comment.

Sprezzatura - 15 Jun, 2018 - 12:57PM

You know, I was going to write a response trying to explain things from a man's point of view, but then I read the OP once more.

A fragile ego is a terrible thing. It is destructive to the people on the receiving end, and to the individual themselves. There's no excuse for the man to behave as has been described. Never be apologetic for what you are. Instead relish it, work it, turn it to your advantage. I have been rejected for being too tall, and for not being bald, for having a modicum of facial hair and for not being able to meet most evenings. Remember this; if it's right it's right and you - and they - will know it. A harsh rejection says far more about the one doing the rejecting than it does you.

16 members like this comment.

sparklymasa - 10 Jun, 2018 - 11:08PM

There is no excuse really for politeness, even if a firm direct sorry i am not interested. It works both ways. Remember though men have to pay a huge price in cost to be on here, which seems somewhat unfair in this ever increasing PC society. I'm all for equality, I love the company of ladies both socially and professionally.

5 members like this comment.

EDinburghGent56 - 10 Jun, 2018 - 07:03AM

I always find it strange how people can be so judgemental about age, weight and looks. I am talking both sexes here. To me it indicates a fairly shallow approach to life.

There again I am an ancient, vertically challenged, balding adonis and probably would say that wouldn't I. Personally I value manners, mind and an amateurish enthusiasm in the bedroom above the more obvious physical charms.

6 members like this comment.

richard123 - 07 Jun, 2018 - 05:59PM

don't belief anyone is average.

most people have something about them that is well above average.

then you do get some who are complete rotters! xx

make love - not war! XX

3 members like this comment.

slightlycreased - 07 Jun, 2018 - 02:51PM

Men are sensitive creatures. Rejection doesn't come naturally - beware the ego of the male...

1 member likes this comment.

Auralistic - 05 Jun, 2018 - 02:13PM

Some interesting comments here. I guess the truth is that there will always be some individuals from both sex's who can not handle any form or rejection. In fact its safe to presume that some people will even be here on IE because of rejection at home ! . . We are all different and we all have our own story and reasons. The lack of manners and respect shown by some individuals towards people they talk to here is quite staggering sometimes and i wonder if those same people would be brave enough to be as rude and say those things in a face to face scenario rather than hiding behind a keyboard with a cup of tea in their nice warm lounge . . I doubt it ! . . People get very brave when they are apparently a ghost in the machine and cant be challenged . . . It would be refreshing to hear of people conversing in a respectful way and if its a case of "Thanks but no thanks" . . .Just take it on the chin and move on. . . Your lovely ideal lady or lovely ideal gent may just be lurking amongst the many other profiles

5 members like this comment.

The Actress - 05 Jun, 2018 - 12:26PM

I once had the strangest compliment---someone told me that I write the best rejection letters!

Now I'm probably one of the "most senior" members here. Nevertheless, I do seem to get a great many messages from men a great deal younger than me; they usually open with "age is just a number".

Alas it ISN'T if you're the wrong side if 70! My mind (which still thinks it's 45), stays joyously active BUT the knees, (and various other bits), have most definitely hung up the "Take it Slow" sign!

Be that as it may, I NEVER fail to respond to a message, even if the sender is so young that he surely must be idly wondering whether I'm "someone-off-the-telly". (if you actually read my profile you'd know I'm not)

I told one "youngster" that I wonder why it's my Mother's face that sometimes looks back at me from the bathroom mirror, and I'd hate for him to look at me and think the same--to which he replied---

"but I don't know your Mother!"

I rest my case!!

11 members like this comment.

smooth operator - 04 Jun, 2018 - 01:54PM

Maybe the author of this letter has misinterpreted the dynamics of this site.

Basically everybody here is in the main a Mr or Mrs Average
attractive to a few but a deterrence to many.
Sadly the odds mean that your Mr Average is possibly writing to 15 or so Ladies hoping to garner a positive response whilst Mrs Average has her attention focused on one.
The conclusion
Mrs Average finds herself at the centre of attention of many competing Mr Averages and starts to believe that she must therefore be Mrs Super Desirable
Unfortunately this change in status often seemingly leads to her manners becoming decidedly Mrs Below Average....

Apologies in advance to any singletons and as yet any undecideds.

18 members like this comment.

MysticalSunlight47 - 01 Jun, 2018 - 10:52AM

This is an interesting letter. I always believe good manners can work, in everyday life and in the world of the internet, but unfortunately, most of the messages I receive here are either very rude, very arrogant, or like others in this comment chain, when I give my pictureword out, either they disappear or reply "sorry, you aren't my type". I've been told many times also that a kind, caring personality is out of place here. Sorry, I'm staying despite what you think. Politeness works both ways though, and its just so easy to offend other folk with a wrong use of words in a reply. Best wishes to all.

1 member likes this comment.

leefrancis - 31 May, 2018 - 08:13PM

Personally it's not the rejection that bothers me. You get rejected throughout your life through your school, work (or lack of it) and with relationships. What bothers me is being ignored. The people who run this site should invent a thanks but no thanks button instead of these stupid VK's and even more pathetic gifts.

14 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 31 May, 2018 - 01:50PM

So I met someone on a date and it went really went. We had so much in common, there was definite sexual chemistry and we shared a few lovely kisses at the end of the evening. I got home and received a text saying how much he loved the evening and couldn't wait to see me again. We arranged to meet again two days later, only for him to text me in the morning to say that he had to work instead.

Since then I've had no reply to any messages and have been completely 'ghosted'. Pisstified just about sums it up: a equal mixture of pissed off and mystified. And this from a man whose profile stated that he's respected and liked by everyone who knows him. Not by me he isn't!

4 members like this comment.

Timeowt - 30 May, 2018 - 01:13PM

After sharing my picture I’m afraid I’ve recieved a stony silence more often than not and I’ve always assumed thats because they have actually turned to stone! Must be my good looks, either that or my amazing humour!

Hence why I’ve given up!

10 members like this comment.

1208621-Deleted - 30 May, 2018 - 12:55PM

Nobody likes being turned down but what’s getting on my nerves this time round is that so many women I’ve started chatting to and appear to get on with have simply vanished in mid conversation. Alternatively I’ve spoken to someone - even been given a messenger address and then nothing .... for days! Of course people have lives to lead but everyone here is a real person and it would be nice to get a note to say “I’m afraid I am chatting to someone else and will not be continuing to chat with you”
I don’t like being rejected or rejecting people but I hope I’m always polite about it. I’m beginning to wonder how many people are here to stare at the exhibits and poke us with sticks rather than engage in real dialogue.

14 members like this comment.

Kassandra111 - 29 May, 2018 - 10:51AM

Hi ... Ive just reported a guy and mailed Sara over a similar so called gentleman...

We didn't even exchange messages or passwords, he just contacted me randomly to tell he i wasn't his type and insult me over my dress size lol .... Really? as if he'd ever interest me with an attitude like that! ...

Whats annoying is that he has the audacity to state on his profile, " I dislike bad manners and ignorance and my background ensures that I am a real gentleman" ...

It's a major problem on sites like this sorting the wheat from the chaff, men like this spoil the site, I always try to politely decline, and if i feel they need a little educating with regards to online approach I will advise nicely, I've never been offensive...

I think some people have unrealistic expectations I mean he is hardly going to find a Jordon lookalike if he looks like Rab C Nesbit, is he?

18 members like this comment.

Tipsyme - 28 May, 2018 - 09:16PM

Ok, your response to the poor guy was plain rude and hardly a polite "no". He was paying you a compliment afterall so the title of this letter shouldn't be 'why can''t some men handle rejection' but more like 'why can't some women have manners'. And yes, it's a woman saying this but good on him for responding the way he did and for blocking you.

6 members like this comment.

Redroseboy - 25 May, 2018 - 09:17PM

Well, I found this letter interesting, and the replies to it. I really don't think it helps to label it male or female - nobody likes rejection I think it's about the only generalisation we can all agree on! I've come across some incredibly rude ladies on here, and some very charming ones. I never like to be told I'm not someone's type etc because we're all hardwired to want to be liked, but I can accept it if told in a friendly way. What I find very hard to grasp is chatting with someone for days, only for them to disappear or block me for no reason. I'd rather they were just honest (nicely) from the outset. It's not hard is it?

6 members like this comment.

TheMaestro - 25 May, 2018 - 04:59PM

My experience is that humour tends to go awry in print. That said I would be horrified if anyone thought my profile was serious! You can judge too much by a photo. If you had met you might have found that your initial reaction was wrong. Instead you have rejected someone on superficial grounds and in a rather hurtful way.

4 members like this comment.

The Actress - 24 May, 2018 - 02:25PM

@tea_coffe_me.

"If you would not like to receive the reply you are sending, do not send it .... :-)"

Wise words! Everyone take note!

9 members like this comment.

Not here in error - 22 May, 2018 - 03:19PM

Is it not polite though to at least say "sorry not my type" once you've exchanged PWs? Recently on 2 occasions I've had fun conversations, we've agreed to "swap" passwords and then find myself "blocked"! I've only blocked nuisance profiles, and only after I told them I was blocking them.
Is this normal?! Maybe am just not cold hearted enough to block everyone I don't fancy!

4 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 22 May, 2018 - 09:04AM

Quite simply, both sexes are the same...

Some do not accept rejection well, others do.

Some are nasty when rejecting, (I have heard from the men on the nastiness of women!) others try to be decent.

"ExoticOrchid - 16 May, 2018 - 10:40AM
I usually try and blame the rejection upon my self by saying "I'm afraid I am not the right person for you/not what you are looking for" rather than saying "Sorry, you don't float my boat" ... seems kinder as no one likes to be rejected though even that seems to bring out the worst in a few, very few, cases!"

- Yes I have done that in the past, and agree with your findings too!

Not everyone is for everyone, accept it!
If you cannot handle (polite) rejection, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE.

We do not become wonderful friends with everyone we meet, you cannot expect to have a wonderful affair with every profile on here.

Both sexes, be kind, be considerate, be patient :-)
(If you would not like to receive the reply you are sending, do not send it .... :-) )

13 members like this comment.

richard123 - 22 May, 2018 - 07:48AM

I'm no 'oil painting' myself, and have had more rejections than, 'yes pleases'!

And yes, sometimes it has worked the other way round!

However, always be polite and nice about it. Life is too short not to be nice to people, and treat with respect xxxx

13 members like this comment.

1233351-Deleted - 20 May, 2018 - 11:17AM

It is upsetting to anyone to have rejection. Though, it can get easier but all depends on the person.

ExoticOrchid - 17 May, 2018 - 03:04PM

captain883 - 16 May, 2018 - 10:32AM
"Some chaps naively expect to meet film starlets or a bombshell on that first date."

Oh yes ... you are not wrong there, haha!

However, they do seem to think they are George Clooney or Brad Pitt even though their pics show otherwise. Not to mention those who are overweight but their profile states they don't want any woman bigger than Size 14 ... errr hello???

20 members like this comment.

dobadthings - 17 May, 2018 - 12:38PM

"I said that I thought we would get on and have a good laugh but that I would take a taxi home"

To which my reply would have been something like: 'Great! See you at ....I do like a woman who plays hard to get!'

This guy was a total LOSER...

7 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 16 May, 2018 - 10:40AM

I usually try and blame the rejection upon my self by saying "I'm afraid I am not the right person for you/not what you are looking for" rather than saying "Sorry, you don't float my boat" ... seems kinder as no one likes to be rejected though even that seems to bring out the worst in a few, very few, cases!

That said, I have been on the receiving end of some pretty brutal put downs such as "Your pics did nothing for me" or "I'm only looking for women with long, slim legs" [not that he's even seen my legs though admittedly I'm only 5'2" so he wasn't wrong regarding the length, haha] ... however, I prefer those replies to no reply at all it must be said. At least you know where you stand!

5 members like this comment.

captain883 - 16 May, 2018 - 10:32AM

As a chap I cannot say I have discussed male attitudes with other fellows but yes I have with the ladies.

Some chaps naively expect to meet film starlets or a bombshell on that first date. Wrong - that is not what IE is about and, to be sure, I expect they are no Daniel Craig nor Justin Beeber themselves.

This guy is more than a loser he obviously does not own a mirror.

9 members like this comment.

dejavu_again - 15 May, 2018 - 08:25PM

This seems like a case misconceived 'bantz' and over-sensitivity.. not a great mix on here. Although maybe the real issue is the dreaded 'block' - you seem less upset by what was said than by being denied the opportunity to respond and explain your case (understandable!).

Blocking should be reserved for genuine harassment only, not by those that simply want to walk away from the conversation.

6 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 15 May, 2018 - 09:14AM

I have just been hoisted by my own petard. Having just said that my standard response of "Sorry, you don't float my boat" does not evoke rudeness, I just received a really nasty response to it! So it takes all sorts. All I can say is if you come across such rudeness it might be worth reporting the culprit to Admin. Let them ferret out the bastards!

3 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 14 May, 2018 - 07:12AM

@Sexybexy
My comment on here wasn't aimed at you so please don't get the wrong end of the stick here. It is mainly a saying of mine and it wasn't aimed at anybody.

Sexybexy - 14 May, 2018 - 06:59AM

Dear Wildside,
I have not found that men on IE "generally have a deficiency in manners and courtesy". On the contrary I have found most bend over backwards to be kind and polite. To this end I think a response of "Sorry, you are not my type" on seeing my photos is simply being honest and not showing their "real attitude". I'd much rather receive this message than waste my time chatting to someone who is not interested in meeting me. Similarly my standard response of "Sorry you don't float my boat" is usually met with acceptance and does not evoke rudeness, though, as I have said previously, I have learnt not to add derogatory remarks about their pictures!

2 members like this comment.

chef5182 - 13 May, 2018 - 04:35PM

I agree rejection isnt nice, but being honest in a nice way is better than just blocking them (yes ive had that done) a not my type is better than no reply at all. Ladies, not all of us are just after sex, some of us want a friend too.

4 members like this comment.

politody - 11 May, 2018 - 05:31PM

rejection is acceptable and often inevitable, but it can be done nicely, without malice - it's rudeness and malice which are unacceptable

3 members like this comment.

secret.wish - 11 May, 2018 - 07:36AM

Does it matter? Whatever their reasons, whatever your reasons, however its taken, you didn’t click. It takes 2 to tango. Trying to illicit guilt out of people for being rude when you’re enticing them to be unfaithful has more than a passing sense of irony. I’m not advocating being rude, im just advocating focusing on the people where you do click and your exchange of messages may lead somewhere.

walkintherain - 10 May, 2018 - 11:10PM

I always reply in a civil and kind fashion if there is no spark. After all, we cannot all fancy each other - it makes sense. As they say in Yorkshire "Cocks and Hens pairs their sens" (themselves). In the time I have been on this site only one guy has had a hissy fit and I withdrew thinking I'd had a lucky escape!

Anyone who reacts in that way need therapy in my book.

3 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 10 May, 2018 - 08:35PM

I read it the same way as Callie. It sounds like he had a real sense of humour failure and, in my view anyway, his response to you was far ruder.

2 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 10 May, 2018 - 02:47PM

No rejection is nice, we all like to feel we have something to offer in a relationship and we often don't get the opportunity to present ourselves in the best light as this whole process is pretty sterile until you get to a coffee and cake or a tea and crumpet meeting!

But rejection is better than no response at all. Even a 'I will let you know....' is better than nothing.

3 members like this comment.

Callie - 10 May, 2018 - 01:23PM

I think personally your message could have been taken 2 ways he obviously took it that you meant he wasn’t fanciable enough and took umbrage but I read it that you wouldn’t go home with him after one meeting which I absolutely understand as I feel the same I would prefer meeting up a couple of times see how we go and then take things further but I think men don’t think this way. So probably no loss he seems to be a bit too sensitive I’ve had loads of knock backs but never reacted in this way.

8 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 10 May, 2018 - 10:09AM

Fantastic way of looking at things couldn't have put it better myself !

1 member likes this comment.

sunandmoon - 09 May, 2018 - 08:26PM

What an absolute expletive...I have yet to have an encounter. .but laugh...and move on:)

1 member likes this comment.

Wildeside - 09 May, 2018 - 06:56PM

Generally, men on IE have a deficiency in manners and courtesy. Regardless of the concept of IE, I believe that certain level of etiquette still applies. They are happy to chat, but as soon as they get the PW - their real attitudes come out - "You are not my type...."

It's not a sweet shop and there is a better way of phrasing words. I tend to read the profiles and 99%, I can tell a lot about the person and I don't reply or engage nor invest my time in chats.

Men, don't be rude just because of the nature of IE - women are attracted to gentlemen and not someone who wanted to boost their ego. It's really a turn off.

8 members like this comment.

Exemplo - 09 May, 2018 - 05:09PM

There are ways and means to deliver rejection in a positive manner. Perhaps the phase "walk in the other persons shoes " should be considered before the choice of words.

2 members like this comment.

Sassy_Be - 09 May, 2018 - 04:14PM

Sometimes email/message can be missread as it happened to me a few times.But I agree with majority on here,You could of been a little bit more subtle in his rejection.Men not always take rejection easy.

2 members like this comment.

Guilty1 - 09 May, 2018 - 04:04PM

I'm just happy if someone bothers to respond to a message ..I'm fairly easily pleased for a handsome stallion of a man , with an uncorked banter decanter and size 11 feet ...

8 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 09 May, 2018 - 12:22PM

Dear Perfect Moments
I too advocate truth. Did you think I didn't?
To be clear. The kind of response I would advocate in the original post would be along the lines of:
"Thank you very much for the compliment. You too come across as a warm, funny, and friendly type. But, to be truthful, I don't think I could have a sexual relationship with you. You simply do not float my boat in this way. Sorry. I wish you well in the future"

This is truthful, but I don't think it would cause the negative response that the original jokey response did.

3 members like this comment.

Filtiam - 09 May, 2018 - 10:49AM

I agree with Tarot in that communicating via email or messaging completely lacks context. You cannot tell how someone will interpret what you right and vice versa. It is extremely easy to upset people and whilst we may all wear masks to protect the “real” us, people can react badly, it’s human nature and we are all gloriously imperfect…

I don’t know anybody who wouldn’t be affected by rejection, so be prepared for an abrupt response.

There have been times when I’ve sent something and then thought I could have phrased it better. So now I try to be polite and courteous. I send my PW first off because let’s be totally honest you might have to engage the mind before the body but we are programmed to be physical beings, and if anyone says looks aren’t important quite frankly they’re lying.
I simply ask now for a polite “no” if I don’t fit what people are looking for. Sadly, and this does say a lot about human nature, some people can’t even be bothered to do that…

9 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 09 May, 2018 - 09:39AM

I have a saying for this..
I would rather be hurt with the truth than charmed with a pack of lies.

7 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 09 May, 2018 - 08:41AM

Shortbutcute.
Your reply to the guy was rude in my opinion because you were responding to a compliment with a brush-off. If you receive a compliment the polite (and correct) response is always a thank you. His response was even more rude, but that is only to be expected given he was hurt. Beware when you use what you think is a jokey approach...it can be thrown back in your face. What goes around comes around as the Yanks say.

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Shortbutcute - 09 May, 2018 - 12:33AM

Sexybexy - if being subtle and saying I'd take a taxi home rather than I wouldn't go home with you cos I don't fancy you is being rude then what the heck is no f..in oil painting? And you admit to being guilty of this yourself!

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Aphrodite21 - 08 May, 2018 - 10:30PM

Narrow escape for you. Well done.

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Tarot - 08 May, 2018 - 09:07PM

The challenge here is that email/messaging lacks texture or the extra dimension of facial expression, so what seems funny to you and vice verse can seem rude to the recipient. I know very few people that thrive on rejection, so don’t expect anyone to like being rejected. All the more reason to keep everything courteous, and save the attempts at humour til you meet in person.

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ExoticOrchid - 08 May, 2018 - 05:16PM

To be fair, both sexes are equally guilty of this kind of behaviour and not just confined to the men.

Personally, I prefer the "ugly truth" to a "beautiful lie" in most cases but of course there are ways of saying it without being hurtful.

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E. Edward Grey - 08 May, 2018 - 02:39PM

Believe me, some women can't handle it either. Love your phrase, "if you can't see yourself horizontally ....". Ive often said much the same words myself. It's a shame some people can't be a bit more mature and act with a little more grace.

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The Actress - 08 May, 2018 - 02:27PM

I was once (many moons ago), in the early stages of chatting by text to a guy; who seemed very witty and intelligent.

Comes that all important first date, so 'I suggest a venue about halfway between our respective homes, and this is what I got an hour or so before it was to take place...................

"I have changed my mind about meeting. I was interested in the sexual aspect, and would have been keen to go straight to that".

This from a gentleman (?), I hadn't even met!

You may imagine my response; it concerned my utter lack of desperation, and his complete lack of self esteem; (although, I have to admit that I might not have worded it quite so calmly or politely). LOL

I think we have to take all such occurrences, in the knowledge that this is a site where anything can happen, (and quite often does)! So what, if a few people behave disgracefully from behind the safety of a computer screen or smartphone; there are a great many others who are a delight to know!


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Ecclefechan - 08 May, 2018 - 12:55PM

As a man I would have to completely agree with you. Some men do not handle rejction at all well. However, the ‘control’ thing is not peculiarly male. It just manifests itself differently. Some ladies evidently get a kick out of the sharp put down too. Manners cost nothing but maybe its better that they betray their true nature at the outset.

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Sexybexy - 08 May, 2018 - 12:30PM

Say no politely? In my opinion you were bl**dy rude. Here is a guy who has paid you a compliment and all you've done is given him a harsh brush off. No wonder he returned your insult in spades and blocked you. Good on him. I think the problem here is that those of us with, as my previous boss would say, robust SOHs can go too far especially when we try to joke with those who do not know us well. I know I have been guilty of this, and, in my early days, upset some men by my ripostes, mainly concerning my reactions to their photos. The subsequent blockings were not the marks of cowards but of hurt people I have learnt to be more circumspect in my reactions and suggest you do too.

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