020 7729 6098 020 7729 6098
uk flag Used by over 1,294,771 genuine UK users since 2003


Letters to Sara

Why can't some men handle rejection?

Dear Sara,
I recently had a brief conversation with a guy who I thought had a GSOH. After swapping pw's he said that if I was in a pub alone he would come over and chat to me. I said that I thought we would get on and have a good laugh but that I would take a taxi home. His reply was, get real, you're no f...ing oil painting. Shame he immediately blocked me like a coward as I wanted to tell him that he had made me laugh, esp as his profile states that he knows how to treat a lady! I could name him but why bother, he knows who he is. GSOH - No! Loser - Yes!
My opinion is that an IE affair most times will ultimately lead to sex, so, if you can't see yourself horizontally with the guy then don't waste his time or yours and say no politely. Do they think they're all God's or do they think we are all desperate slappers who will bed anyone?
Ladies!! I just want to say that if you receive messages like this, don't get upset and take it to heart, do what I did and laugh, we are worth so much more.

132 members like this.

Comments (104)

1222628-Scheduled For Deletion - 16 Nov, 2018 - 07:11PM

On par with the aesthetics. Disillusion grows as the hope of meeting someone genuine diminishes and we find ourselves on here

Good luck people xx

1222628-Scheduled For Deletion - 16 Nov, 2018 - 07:09PM

It seems like this letter has certainly divided the sexes. Mannerscoat nothing and aren't the domain of either sex. There are too many men on here who think that because they pay a lot of money, they deserve to pick up any woman they decide to write too. They lie, cajole and deceive and when they get found out behave like aggressive squirrels before scurrying off to their holes.
However, too many women are no better, they may join with honest intentions but soon get spoiled by overflowing inboxes of potential suitors. A new confidence fills them with the delusion of being the next Jennifer Lopez, and an arrogance that leads them to dismissing and taunting any man who shows interest that doesn't fit into their fantasy. They forget the reason they are stuck at home with the men they have isn't down to bad luck.
Then there are the few on both sides of the fence, looking for a partner in crime, who have certain realistic standards but aren't afraid to vet to know the person writing back and value the individual

3 members like this comment.

1266497-Deleted - 24 Oct, 2018 - 08:45AM

Dupers Delight comes in many forms but nowhere does it shine more clearly than in this post. You pretended you were interested in this guy led him on and then pulled the rug out from under him - and have obviously taken great enjoyment in doing so?

The total and utter lack of respect and sweeping generalisations made in your post Beggars belief - a huge turnoff for anyone worth their salt

And then there is the rallying cry - Ladies - 'are you with me' I've got news for you - the spice girls died out in the 90's you know? Gurlpowa is pretty much ko'd stiff at this point 😂☝️️

Feel free to post your username :) I would take great delight in conversing with you just for a chuckle or you could pre block me just in case I accidentally message you 😂👍

OccasionalNymph - 20 Sep, 2018 - 11:57PM

I am a follower of rules (well certain ones) so when I joined this site a couple of days ago and read the intro rules to reply to every message you get I have. I added a note to my profile that stated I would respond to everyone regardless and to bare with me.

I’m so pleased that 90% of the guys on here have taken the rejection kindly. The other 10% have been horrible - calling me arrogant etc. There is no need to be so bad and that level of desperation won’t go far. Thanks to all the lovely guys on here :)

5 members like this comment.

nujac6 - 13 Sep, 2018 - 03:49PM

Hi am v new (15 mins ember sofar) and found this post . I am male and find this ladies observations unfortunately all too true. Maybe it is a generational thing or maybe the young men of this world benefit from learning both manners and respect for the opposite sex.

Finding it sometimes difficult to interpret the non verbal communications of women, i would suggest that the question of horizontal activities be discussed before meeting someone even if left open to discussion, might saved both embarrassment or clear the air before meeting. Of course things can and do change once face to face. Hopefully ladies this will prevent you from having to experience the totally ungentlemanly behaviour of the chap this lady met.

Any proper gentleman should always accept a "no" or not now' response with good grace and politely thank the lady for her company and ensure she gets home safely , atleast asking for txt or something saying she id home safe.

Gentlemen please behave like gentlemen.......

Stanima1 - 12 Sep, 2018 - 02:32PM

We are not all like him. I am here for one thing, but it has to be both ways, respect and a mutual attraction must be there. Good luck

1245101-Deleted - 08 Sep, 2018 - 03:01PM

You are worth so much more ladies, bless your cotten socks:)

Alleviate those trapped emotions ladies with more cake, chocolate and more shoes :)

I was in communication with a female once...we exchanged pws she wanted to meet.....I thought it best to mention at the outset I was " hung like a hamster"

She was not happy....never heard from her again.....did I have trapped emotions. ..no

Did I indulge in cake or chocolate ...no...did I buy more shoes...no

The one thing you must always also consider why men die before their female partners......because they fxxx ing week want to😙😙😙😙

1 member likes this comment.

one-to-one2 - 05 Sep, 2018 - 09:50PM

He seems a rather sad individual who is incapable of interacting with others on a normal social and civilised level. He probably spends most of his time on social media. You are right. Don't take it to heart. There are many more men out there who do value kindness, friendship and good manners.

1 member likes this comment.

1257498-Deleted - 03 Sep, 2018 - 10:08AM

Oh dear, must have been a young guy. Ha ha.

1 member likes this comment.

jennyjj - 02 Sep, 2018 - 09:03AM


I understand completely. Its not easy to come on here in the first place and some of the messages I get well, its a good job I am thick skinned.

ExoticOrchid - 29 Aug, 2018 - 04:29PM

dejavu_again - 27 Aug, 2018 - 09:50PM
"The only exception is where a password is volunteered without prior agreement"

I feel no obligation in this instance unless of course I like what I see ... ;-)

1172177-Deleted - 29 Aug, 2018 - 01:04PM

I've just had a similar thing happen to me being called a moody woman. I really wanted to message the man who said he was 58 and was actually 65 and inform him I knew his real age but decided not to waste my time. Were supposed to meet in a few days time, Lucky escape for me. You've just got to laugh and move on!!!!

1 member likes this comment.

1244855-Deleted - 29 Aug, 2018 - 12:58PM

Rejection, in whatever form it comes, is just all part and parcel of being on the site, and I'm sure most of us have seen and done it from time to time. However.......
There IS nothing worse or more inconsiderate than the person who decides to take a dislike to you, sends you a long, insulting message and having done so, blocks you before you can respond.
I suppose it gives them some small sense of power for a fleeting moment in their otherwise sad little lives. It is pathetic, but thankfully, they seem to be few and far between.

1 member likes this comment.

dejavu_again - 27 Aug, 2018 - 09:50PM

Re. the reciprocal exchanging of passwords, if you have requested a password or have agreed to exchange passwords then the decent thing is to send yours even if you have seen first and don't like. The only exception is where a password is volunteered without prior agreement in the hope / expectation one will be returned.

Maybe introduce a function where this is synchronised / locked in on both sides so viewing is simultaneous. A 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' approach that can't be revoked?

7 members like this comment.

Sexsi1 - 26 Aug, 2018 - 07:14PM

There are so many inexperienced and immature people - men (and women) on sites like this, who arrive with enthusiasm, and perhaps desperation, and often at the end of a evening of drinking and expect to find a Nirvana of willing pussy, just begging for them they are quickly disappointed and despondent, and after a 100 desperate email, simply don't understand why their badly shot selfie of their sagging torso and manhood is not getting the women running for them. They need a rapid re-evaluation of their entire approach and perhaps their lives, what brought them here was a dissatisfactory relationship at home - for which they feel no ownership, and in their heads they are still 18 years old, fit and strong, and the rejection forces them to re-evaluate the reality, they are fatter and more ugly than the picture in their head and their failing relationship is their responsibility. Simply they can't handle that. So advice to all those guys, take a long look in the mirror, before you lash out at a lady that says NO

5 members like this comment.

1245101-Deleted - 24 Aug, 2018 - 09:32PM

The real world

2 minds one destiny; if there is no synergy it will go nowhere

Physical appearance, will either suffice or not - if the latter just accept it

FriendlySteve - 24 Aug, 2018 - 12:01PM

I do think it is very rude for ladies not to reply to any man who sends them a message. Men pay quite a lot to be on here and some take a little trouble to say a few words in addition to their profile.

I think of it as someone at the bus stop who ignores you when you say "Good morning".

I am pleased to be of average looks. I cannot expect to be much more than that and I am only too pleased that I am not below average. But there is much more to any relationship than pin up looks! Good conversation and a good sense of humour are both very important. As well as the ability to sense what the other is thinking or wanting to do!

I would always reply to any message sent to me as that's just politeness. Nor would I ever block anyone as I don't have to read anything they send to me and it would take only a second to delete. But there are quite a few women who automatically block anyone they don't like the look of.

I can take the view that anyone who does not like me is missing

5 members like this comment.

1250395-Deleted - 22 Aug, 2018 - 04:22PM

I do not mind rejection, we all get plenty I am sure. I am happy with a no response to a pic exchange as the silence says it all. What is a bit annoying are the ladies that agree to a pic exchange and then do not reciprocate. I did join IE thinking it would be a breeze finding a partner here and it is proving to be a challenge. I thought i was tenacious, maybe i'm losing my drive in my middle years......

5 members like this comment.

prozak - 16 Aug, 2018 - 02:15PM

It was you who was rude initially so received a rude response.

Then you come here and call him a Loser.

He dodged a bullet, well done him.

7 members like this comment.

1056513-Deleted - 15 Aug, 2018 - 11:40PM

For me beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We all have different looks and come in many different sizes. A lot of this comes down to the psyche of who is the person responding and who is being rejected. I appreciate that with a shaved head and a beard that that can a massive turn off for girls but I am also comfortable in my own skin. Those of you who have peeked at my profile will hopefully have read something a little different and I like to think that reflects an element of my personality. When that dreaded handover of photos happen I simply say I won't be offended if I am not your type. Simply let me know and I will wish you well. That is the crux of it. A simple and polite response. We are all looking for something and we can't be all things to all people otherwise that would be very boring!

5 members like this comment.

Cendrillon - 09 Aug, 2018 - 09:47PM

I find discretion is the better part of valour. You can't legislate for physical attraction, but you can legislate for upholding another person's dignity. Say as little as possible and remember that we all have a very fragile carapace.

3 members like this comment.

1252209-Deleted - 07 Aug, 2018 - 11:26PM

I always thought GSOH stood for gas central heating ...... now I know where I've been going wrong all these years (sighs)

7 members like this comment.

1244855-Deleted - 01 Aug, 2018 - 01:47PM

I don't think that the issues around the way in which we reply to messages or tell someone that we don't feel attracted to them from the photo they've sent you, differ between men and women.
I can only say that in my experience and in the vast majority of cases, it's been done courteously and politely.
Of course, no-one likes to think that they are in some way unattractive to the opposite sex - particularly given why we are all here in the first place - but for those of us who are more mature in years and familiar with IE , perhaps the idea of 'rejection' is less important than it is to those who are coming to it for the first time.
In the end, there's no chemical formula for physical attraction, and if when changing passwords, we hope for the best, but expect the worst, it will soften the blow.
Or maybe, we should just accept that just as in the world away from IE, not everyone we meet will be someone we want to spend time with.

1244288-Deleted - 21 Jul, 2018 - 07:36PM

The important point here is to be polite but clear (even if he looks like a bulldog chewing a thistle). Manners don’t cost anything and most men should be respectful of that. Deviating from the point slightly, women have an ability to get IE to request a photo password - if used, that in my opinion is enough to cease any contact with the person who was too lazy to write.

1 member likes this comment.

unhappy123 - 21 Jul, 2018 - 01:30AM

Love this comment! It did make me giggle when it states.. and i quote... 'Desperate slappers who will bed anybody'.... and YES some men on here actually do think that!
They have all the finesse of a sledgehammer!... they think paying gives them a God given right to be base and send the crudest of messages - Blokes need to realise we still want to be woo'd (well in the main) - there is the odd female on here who is willing to behave like the slapper some of them so desperately seek.
I used to get offended but now giggle - do not take it so seriously

7 members like this comment.

hhm69 - 20 Jul, 2018 - 09:38AM

I can't ever recall having to give a negative response to a lady on receipt of their password. That may be because I always found something appealing in the photos of the smaller percentage of ladies who offered their passwords and felt it considerate to pay a compliment. Regarding the larger percentage of ladies who asked for my password, very rarely did they reciprocate. That was not a problem to me for their silence or, usually, polite rejection meant the end of conversation so why should I be bothered about what they looked like.
I did once, however, receive a very original rejection from a lady who viewed my photos... " Great photos...you look very nice. However, you look very much like my husband and I was looking for something different.!
Whether that was a polite way of saying you "don't float my boat" or the lady was being genuine it did really make me laugh. Certainly an original way of rejecting someone and keeping them happy at the same time !

2 members like this comment.

hhm69 - 19 Jul, 2018 - 10:16PM

I can't ever recall having to give a negative response to a lady on receipt of their password. That may be because I always found something appealing in the photos of the smaller percentage of ladies who offered their passwords and felt it considerate to pay a compliment. Regarding the larger percentage of ladies who asked for my password, very rarely did they reciprocate. That was not a problem to me for their silence or, usually, polite rejection meant the end of conversation so why should I be bothered about what they looked like.
I did once, however, receive a very original rejection from a lady who viewed my photos... " Great photos...you look very nice. However, you look very much like my husband and I was looking for something different.!
Whether that was a polite way of saying you "don't float my boat" or the lady was being genuine it did really make me laugh. Certainly an original way of rejecting someone and keeping them happy at the same time !

2waysincerencounter - 19 Jul, 2018 - 09:07AM

I just by accident deleted all my email communications. They -the women- must think I hate and reject them. What can I say -I love you all- and apologies!

Summerbelle - 17 Jul, 2018 - 08:00PM

Lightsronbutno1home - 13 Jul, 2018 - 12:04PM

I think your username possibly summed him up nicely. The lights were on, but there was no-one home ....

4 members like this comment.

smooth operator - 15 Jul, 2018 - 12:53PM


By not reciprocating you are potentially causing a potential suitor anxiety.
If you were potentially prepared to send your pictures across first then I cannot see what the issue is.
Kellysmile no doubt you are a very nice person
but when you are in the sweetshop
and asking for the jar off the top shelf it's good to share and swap when asked.
rather than slamming the door on the way out.

1 member likes this comment.

1244056-Deleted - 15 Jul, 2018 - 11:50AM

Now ladys please can one indivisual speak on every mans ,behalf answer is no no ,so as a.good hearted genuine man ,let me tell you i think the way indivisuals man or s woman write.there profiles, throw them selfs at each other ,then meet ,will ive not got to that stage yet ,lol but any man who tells a lady that she is not much to look at ,is a coward , and to reply to this young lady ,if your intentions are to meet a man and sleep with him on the same night ,when you mett him !!!!! Then its.both of your thoughts ,you should hve made it very clear to him that you want to meet then ,to see how you get on .And all men don,t trest ladys like slapper,s ,epecially my self im a gentle like no other .

1 member likes this comment.

1239269-Deleted - 13 Jul, 2018 - 12:04PM

So I chatted for ages with this guy he was very nice
We meet twice had lunch and a drink one evening got on really well conversation was really only flowing my way as when I ask him to say something he said "I don't no wot to say" but I liked him and though we got on fine
THEN during a bit of saucy banter on WhatsApp he suddenly stopped chatting first I thought he's busy he'll say goodnight ,nothing ,the next morning nothing so I went on IE there he was online I asked wot I did wrong he said don't ridicule people IV never hurt anyone I though we were bantering but obviously he was so sensitive about his "performance" he had an issue with that side of a joke which is a big shame because things could of worked out nicely.

Flextron - 12 Jul, 2018 - 07:27PM

Simple rule from my grandmother. Treat people like you would like to be treated and the world would be a much kinder place. It only goes wrong if you are into odd stuff. Then rule needs modifying quickly

5 members like this comment.

Temping - 11 Jul, 2018 - 06:24PM

kellysmile - 08 Jul, 2018 - 06:39PM

As far as I'm concerned, if someone sent me their password without my asking for it, then I feel no obligation to give mine if I'm not interested. So no, definitely not "classed as rude" in my book.

4 members like this comment.

Something Just Like This - 10 Jul, 2018 - 03:46PM

I know people are on here for different reasons, some want a relationship, some just want sex, but I am getting a bit sick of guys who talk sex almost immediately. I have even been given passwords for pictures that show their body parts (you know what I mean) Just because a woman is on here, does not mean she is easy, some of us actually want to get to know a man first. Stop treating women as meat and learn some respect. Obviously this is not all of you guys, there must be some gentlemen left in this world.

16 members like this comment.

CoKo21 - 08 Jul, 2018 - 10:17PM

I think I may have encountered the same bore as Temping! He had written to me and I had looked at his message but didn't have time (or space, it's not always easy being on the IE site for very long) to respond at that time. I wasn't on for a couple of days (no opportunity) and, when I returned, ready to write an appreciative response, there was some bonkers stuff from him about being a time-waster etc etc (yawn) because I hadn't instantly replied with the gratitude he clearly thought I should display! And, guess what, I couldn't reply then because the petulant infant had blocked me. He said he'd had a lucky miss. I rather think I had.

12 members like this comment.

kellysmile - 08 Jul, 2018 - 06:39PM

Is it classed as rude if someone sends you their pics and you very politely say - ‘you seem great- however not my type - good luck with your search?” and then dont reciprocate with your pics? I didnt see the point in sending mine- as it wasn’t going anywhere - because I didnt he was then very rude. But someone has to send first and it happened to be him - am I wrong? Should I have sent mine over anyway?

8 members like this comment.

1240697-Deleted - 07 Jul, 2018 - 04:27AM

Hi Sara
I’m just a normal nice guy who is honest considering where we are. But I have found that I leave messages sometimes get replies and seem to be getting on well. Then silence I would rather someone be honest and say they are not interested because I would it’s just courtesy us guys do have feeling and not all just chancers

4 members like this comment.

De8raT - 06 Jul, 2018 - 12:39PM

This is a tough one. I always respond if someone sends me an actual message that says more than “hi” and is not just a VK. If someone has made the effort to message me I feel it’s only polite to respond. I have been insulted for “rejecting” someone in North Yorkshire and Scotland......I’m in Essex so we were never going to meet.
I usually say no if the distance is prohibitive, if they have interests that they really enjoy and I hate. I always look at a profile of someone contacting me as if I’ve nothing in common with someone, I’m not going to want to spend time with. I also tend to say no to really young men, I.e. more than 10 years my junior as I’m just not attracted to very young men. Unfortunately polite rejections often result in insults or being hounded to give more and more reasons why I’m not interested or being told I’m narrow minded, etc.
At the end of the day we each like what we like and this site is about finding something outside of our day to day existence, a bit of

5 members like this comment.

Temping - 02 Jul, 2018 - 09:54PM

Piaff - 30 Jun, 2018 - 10:09PM

Did you want some cheese with that whine? - "men have to pay a huge price in cost to be on here""

Totally agree with you ... yes, men have to pay to join IE but I would hardly say it's "a huge price" ... !!!

8 members like this comment.

1139483-Deleted - 02 Jul, 2018 - 01:28PM

Piaff, the difference is that you, as a woman, don't have to pay anything to exchange messages on here if you don't wish to. Men have no option.

2 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 01 Jul, 2018 - 11:16AM

Rejection in itself is not nice, nobody welcomes it.

Some may have false ideas about their worth, or what they think this site is?

Sometimes you meet someone and think they would be just lovely to spend some time with and if you then get rejected you get sad for what you think you might have.

Other times you just know you aren't going to be the one for them! :)

The worst ones are where you seem to get along just fine, all the communication seems to indicate there is the possibility of something then out of the blue - you are dumped and often without any indication. Those are the hardest to take.

So I don't think all rejections are difficult to handle. Saying 'No' with sensitivity is important. Treat others as you would want to be treated yourself.

8 members like this comment.

Piaff - 30 Jun, 2018 - 10:09PM


Did you want some cheese with that whine? - "men have to pay a huge price in cost to be on here"
When women totals up the price of her "monthly debits" over a year, I dare say it comes to around £500 until the night sweats occur. About time we had a freebie!
Nobody is putting a gun to your head.
The ego has landed and there's a price to pay.

2 members like this comment.

1184851-Deleted - 29 Jun, 2018 - 10:25AM

Just reading the comments and saw one from Smooth Operator. Man alive, the guy's cracked it! I realise now it has become easy to be slightly more 'refined' in my search on here. I am Mrs Average, I am aware of this, but having had my share of positive messages, it is very much a case of allowing myself to believe I am sex-on-a-stick occassionally,
and wrongly, just as S O describes.: ) : ) : ) 😔

I would never be rude in rejection though, but would also probably chuckle if rejected rudely : )

1 member likes this comment.

Temping - 27 Jun, 2018 - 07:49AM

Here's a good one.

I was chatting with someone and it came to the stage where I felt photo passwords needed to be exchanged. I gave my password [against my better judgement] and added that I was going to be out for the rest of the day and that I will check back later.

When I logged on in the early evening, there were two messages from the said gentleman [I use the term very loosely!]. One was to give me his password. The other was a few hours later accusing me of not having the manners to say no thanks on viewing his photo. He had obviously not read my original message where I had said I'd be out and also, he was not bright enough to realise that his message with the password had not been read yet when he sent his second childish and petulant message.

Upon trying to send a reply politely pointing out what a sad and silly man he is, I discovered I had been blocked!!! Obviously his loss, not mine.

3 members like this comment.

Robgreatday - 26 Jun, 2018 - 07:22PM

He is an idiot.
I have a similar problem being a short guy , a high percentage of ladies on here only want tall guys.

Truly Madly Guilty - 22 Jun, 2018 - 01:53PM

Immature men with low self esteem can't handle rejection.

Mature, confident men understand that rejection is part of dating, that we all like different things and not to take it to heart. To thank someone for their time and move on.

1 member likes this comment.

Alamuese - 21 Jun, 2018 - 01:39PM

I had a similar reaction when I was chatting to a guy and he asked me personally uncomfortable questions regarding my likes and dislike .. he called me a fat ugly slut . I was astonished a grown man could carry on like that? Laughing wonder if it’s the same guy?

1241567-Deleted - 20 Jun, 2018 - 05:57PM

Hi Sara just wanted to say i agree with you seems to me blokes think too much of themselves and think that this is just a knocking shop for desperate women so far had only abuse myself and yes I'm no oil painting but neither are half of them but I do have manners and say thanks but no thanks if can see myself horizontal with someone and really wish they would have the same manners rather than calling me a minger then blocking me or some other derogatory comment.

I am only me. That is all I can be. No more no less, don't second guess. I love,I live, I laugh, I cry. I've wished sometimes that I could die. Some day's I'm funny. others I'm not. Sometimes I'm in overdrive and I can't stop. You may not like me and that's OK because this is me and how I'll stay.

Good things are worth waiting for and not so pretty people that are not up their own arses tend to be more fun in bed they put in more effort and enthusiasm...lol

2 members like this comment.

Sprezzatura - 15 Jun, 2018 - 12:57PM

You know, I was going to write a response trying to explain things from a man's point of view, but then I read the OP once more.

A fragile ego is a terrible thing. It is destructive to the people on the receiving end, and to the individual themselves. There's no excuse for the man to behave as has been described. Never be apologetic for what you are. Instead relish it, work it, turn it to your advantage. I have been rejected for being too tall, and for not being bald, for having a modicum of facial hair and for not being able to meet most evenings. Remember this; if it's right it's right and you - and they - will know it. A harsh rejection says far more about the one doing the rejecting than it does you.

17 members like this comment.

1210630-Deleted - 10 Jun, 2018 - 11:08PM

There is no excuse really for politeness, even if a firm direct sorry i am not interested. It works both ways. Remember though men have to pay a huge price in cost to be on here, which seems somewhat unfair in this ever increasing PC society. I'm all for equality, I love the company of ladies both socially and professionally.

5 members like this comment.

EDinburghGent56 - 10 Jun, 2018 - 07:03AM

I always find it strange how people can be so judgemental about age, weight and looks. I am talking both sexes here. To me it indicates a fairly shallow approach to life.

There again I am an ancient, vertically challenged, balding adonis and probably would say that wouldn't I. Personally I value manners, mind and an amateurish enthusiasm in the bedroom above the more obvious physical charms.

7 members like this comment.

richard123 - 07 Jun, 2018 - 05:59PM

don't belief anyone is average.

most people have something about them that is well above average.

then you do get some who are complete rotters! xx

make love - not war! XX

3 members like this comment.

1238216-Scheduled For Deletion - 07 Jun, 2018 - 02:51PM

Men are sensitive creatures. Rejection doesn't come naturally - beware the ego of the male...

1 member likes this comment.

Auralistic - 05 Jun, 2018 - 02:13PM

Some interesting comments here. I guess the truth is that there will always be some individuals from both sex's who can not handle any form or rejection. In fact its safe to presume that some people will even be here on IE because of rejection at home ! . . We are all different and we all have our own story and reasons. The lack of manners and respect shown by some individuals towards people they talk to here is quite staggering sometimes and i wonder if those same people would be brave enough to be as rude and say those things in a face to face scenario rather than hiding behind a keyboard with a cup of tea in their nice warm lounge . . I doubt it ! . . People get very brave when they are apparently a ghost in the machine and cant be challenged . . . It would be refreshing to hear of people conversing in a respectful way and if its a case of "Thanks but no thanks" . . .Just take it on the chin and move on. . . Your lovely ideal lady or lovely ideal gent may just be lurking amongst the many other profiles

5 members like this comment.

The Actress - 05 Jun, 2018 - 12:26PM

I once had the strangest compliment---someone told me that I write the best rejection letters!

Now I'm probably one of the "most senior" members here. Nevertheless, I do seem to get a great many messages from men a great deal younger than me; they usually open with "age is just a number".

Alas it ISN'T if you're the wrong side if 70! My mind (which still thinks it's 45), stays joyously active BUT the knees, (and various other bits), have most definitely hung up the "Take it Slow" sign!

Be that as it may, I NEVER fail to respond to a message, even if the sender is so young that he surely must be idly wondering whether I'm "someone-off-the-telly". (if you actually read my profile you'd know I'm not)

I told one "youngster" that I wonder why it's my Mother's face that sometimes looks back at me from the bathroom mirror, and I'd hate for him to look at me and think the same--to which he replied---

"but I don't know your Mother!"

I rest my case!!

11 members like this comment.

smooth operator - 04 Jun, 2018 - 01:54PM

Maybe the author of this letter has misinterpreted the dynamics of this site.

Basically everybody here is in the main a Mr or Mrs Average
attractive to a few but a deterrence to many.
Sadly the odds mean that your Mr Average is possibly writing to 15 or so Ladies hoping to garner a positive response whilst Mrs Average has her attention focused on one.
The conclusion
Mrs Average finds herself at the centre of attention of many competing Mr Averages and starts to believe that she must therefore be Mrs Super Desirable
Unfortunately this change in status often seemingly leads to her manners becoming decidedly Mrs Below Average....

Apologies in advance to any singletons and as yet any undecideds.

21 members like this comment.

MysticalSunlight47 - 01 Jun, 2018 - 10:52AM

This is an interesting letter. I always believe good manners can work, in everyday life and in the world of the internet, but unfortunately, most of the messages I receive here are either very rude, very arrogant, or like others in this comment chain, when I give my pictureword out, either they disappear or reply "sorry, you aren't my type". I've been told many times also that a kind, caring personality is out of place here. Sorry, I'm staying despite what you think. Politeness works both ways though, and its just so easy to offend other folk with a wrong use of words in a reply. Best wishes to all.

1 member likes this comment.

leefrancis - 31 May, 2018 - 08:13PM

Personally it's not the rejection that bothers me. You get rejected throughout your life through your school, work (or lack of it) and with relationships. What bothers me is being ignored. The people who run this site should invent a thanks but no thanks button instead of these stupid VK's and even more pathetic gifts.

14 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 31 May, 2018 - 01:50PM

So I met someone on a date and it went really went. We had so much in common, there was definite sexual chemistry and we shared a few lovely kisses at the end of the evening. I got home and received a text saying how much he loved the evening and couldn't wait to see me again. We arranged to meet again two days later, only for him to text me in the morning to say that he had to work instead.

Since then I've had no reply to any messages and have been completely 'ghosted'. Pisstified just about sums it up: a equal mixture of pissed off and mystified. And this from a man whose profile stated that he's respected and liked by everyone who knows him. Not by me he isn't!

4 members like this comment.

Timeowt - 30 May, 2018 - 01:13PM

After sharing my picture I’m afraid I’ve recieved a stony silence more often than not and I’ve always assumed thats because they have actually turned to stone! Must be my good looks, either that or my amazing humour!

Hence why I’ve given up!

11 members like this comment.

1208621-Deleted - 30 May, 2018 - 12:55PM

Nobody likes being turned down but what’s getting on my nerves this time round is that so many women I’ve started chatting to and appear to get on with have simply vanished in mid conversation. Alternatively I’ve spoken to someone - even been given a messenger address and then nothing .... for days! Of course people have lives to lead but everyone here is a real person and it would be nice to get a note to say “I’m afraid I am chatting to someone else and will not be continuing to chat with you”
I don’t like being rejected or rejecting people but I hope I’m always polite about it. I’m beginning to wonder how many people are here to stare at the exhibits and poke us with sticks rather than engage in real dialogue.

14 members like this comment.

Kassandra111 - 29 May, 2018 - 10:51AM

Hi ... Ive just reported a guy and mailed Sara over a similar so called gentleman...

We didn't even exchange messages or passwords, he just contacted me randomly to tell he i wasn't his type and insult me over my dress size lol .... Really? as if he'd ever interest me with an attitude like that! ...

Whats annoying is that he has the audacity to state on his profile, " I dislike bad manners and ignorance and my background ensures that I am a real gentleman" ...

It's a major problem on sites like this sorting the wheat from the chaff, men like this spoil the site, I always try to politely decline, and if i feel they need a little educating with regards to online approach I will advise nicely, I've never been offensive...

I think some people have unrealistic expectations I mean he is hardly going to find a Jordon lookalike if he looks like Rab C Nesbit, is he?

18 members like this comment.

Tipsyme - 28 May, 2018 - 09:16PM

Ok, your response to the poor guy was plain rude and hardly a polite "no". He was paying you a compliment afterall so the title of this letter shouldn't be 'why can''t some men handle rejection' but more like 'why can't some women have manners'. And yes, it's a woman saying this but good on him for responding the way he did and for blocking you.

6 members like this comment.

Redroseboy - 25 May, 2018 - 09:17PM

Well, I found this letter interesting, and the replies to it. I really don't think it helps to label it male or female - nobody likes rejection I think it's about the only generalisation we can all agree on! I've come across some incredibly rude ladies on here, and some very charming ones. I never like to be told I'm not someone's type etc because we're all hardwired to want to be liked, but I can accept it if told in a friendly way. What I find very hard to grasp is chatting with someone for days, only for them to disappear or block me for no reason. I'd rather they were just honest (nicely) from the outset. It's not hard is it?

6 members like this comment.

TheMaestro - 25 May, 2018 - 04:59PM

My experience is that humour tends to go awry in print. That said I would be horrified if anyone thought my profile was serious! You can judge too much by a photo. If you had met you might have found that your initial reaction was wrong. Instead you have rejected someone on superficial grounds and in a rather hurtful way.

4 members like this comment.

The Actress - 24 May, 2018 - 02:25PM


"If you would not like to receive the reply you are sending, do not send it .... :-)"

Wise words! Everyone take note!

9 members like this comment.

Not here in error - 22 May, 2018 - 03:19PM

Is it not polite though to at least say "sorry not my type" once you've exchanged PWs? Recently on 2 occasions I've had fun conversations, we've agreed to "swap" passwords and then find myself "blocked"! I've only blocked nuisance profiles, and only after I told them I was blocking them.
Is this normal?! Maybe am just not cold hearted enough to block everyone I don't fancy!

4 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 22 May, 2018 - 09:04AM

Quite simply, both sexes are the same...

Some do not accept rejection well, others do.

Some are nasty when rejecting, (I have heard from the men on the nastiness of women!) others try to be decent.

"ExoticOrchid - 16 May, 2018 - 10:40AM
I usually try and blame the rejection upon my self by saying "I'm afraid I am not the right person for you/not what you are looking for" rather than saying "Sorry, you don't float my boat" ... seems kinder as no one likes to be rejected though even that seems to bring out the worst in a few, very few, cases!"

- Yes I have done that in the past, and agree with your findings too!

Not everyone is for everyone, accept it!
If you cannot handle (polite) rejection, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE.

We do not become wonderful friends with everyone we meet, you cannot expect to have a wonderful affair with every profile on here.

Both sexes, be kind, be considerate, be patient :-)
(If you would not like to receive the reply you are sending, do not send it .... :-) )

13 members like this comment.

richard123 - 22 May, 2018 - 07:48AM

I'm no 'oil painting' myself, and have had more rejections than, 'yes pleases'!

And yes, sometimes it has worked the other way round!

However, always be polite and nice about it. Life is too short not to be nice to people, and treat with respect xxxx

13 members like this comment.

1233351-Deleted - 20 May, 2018 - 11:17AM

It is upsetting to anyone to have rejection. Though, it can get easier but all depends on the person.

ExoticOrchid - 17 May, 2018 - 03:04PM

captain883 - 16 May, 2018 - 10:32AM
"Some chaps naively expect to meet film starlets or a bombshell on that first date."

Oh yes ... you are not wrong there, haha!

However, they do seem to think they are George Clooney or Brad Pitt even though their pics show otherwise. Not to mention those who are overweight but their profile states they don't want any woman bigger than Size 14 ... errr hello???

20 members like this comment.

dobadthings - 17 May, 2018 - 12:38PM

"I said that I thought we would get on and have a good laugh but that I would take a taxi home"

To which my reply would have been something like: 'Great! See you at ....I do like a woman who plays hard to get!'

This guy was a total LOSER...

7 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 16 May, 2018 - 10:40AM

I usually try and blame the rejection upon my self by saying "I'm afraid I am not the right person for you/not what you are looking for" rather than saying "Sorry, you don't float my boat" ... seems kinder as no one likes to be rejected though even that seems to bring out the worst in a few, very few, cases!

That said, I have been on the receiving end of some pretty brutal put downs such as "Your pics did nothing for me" or "I'm only looking for women with long, slim legs" [not that he's even seen my legs though admittedly I'm only 5'2" so he wasn't wrong regarding the length, haha] ... however, I prefer those replies to no reply at all it must be said. At least you know where you stand!

5 members like this comment.

captain883 - 16 May, 2018 - 10:32AM

As a chap I cannot say I have discussed male attitudes with other fellows but yes I have with the ladies.

Some chaps naively expect to meet film starlets or a bombshell on that first date. Wrong - that is not what IE is about and, to be sure, I expect they are no Daniel Craig nor Justin Beeber themselves.

This guy is more than a loser he obviously does not own a mirror.

9 members like this comment.

dejavu_again - 15 May, 2018 - 08:25PM

This seems like a case misconceived 'bantz' and over-sensitivity.. not a great mix on here. Although maybe the real issue is the dreaded 'block' - you seem less upset by what was said than by being denied the opportunity to respond and explain your case (understandable!).

Blocking should be reserved for genuine harassment only, not by those that simply want to walk away from the conversation.

6 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 15 May, 2018 - 09:14AM

I have just been hoisted by my own petard. Having just said that my standard response of "Sorry, you don't float my boat" does not evoke rudeness, I just received a really nasty response to it! So it takes all sorts. All I can say is if you come across such rudeness it might be worth reporting the culprit to Admin. Let them ferret out the bastards!

3 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 14 May, 2018 - 07:12AM

My comment on here wasn't aimed at you so please don't get the wrong end of the stick here. It is mainly a saying of mine and it wasn't aimed at anybody.

Sexybexy - 14 May, 2018 - 06:59AM

Dear Wildside,
I have not found that men on IE "generally have a deficiency in manners and courtesy". On the contrary I have found most bend over backwards to be kind and polite. To this end I think a response of "Sorry, you are not my type" on seeing my photos is simply being honest and not showing their "real attitude". I'd much rather receive this message than waste my time chatting to someone who is not interested in meeting me. Similarly my standard response of "Sorry you don't float my boat" is usually met with acceptance and does not evoke rudeness, though, as I have said previously, I have learnt not to add derogatory remarks about their pictures!

2 members like this comment.

chef5182 - 13 May, 2018 - 04:35PM

I agree rejection isnt nice, but being honest in a nice way is better than just blocking them (yes ive had that done) a not my type is better than no reply at all. Ladies, not all of us are just after sex, some of us want a friend too.

4 members like this comment.

politody - 11 May, 2018 - 05:31PM

rejection is acceptable and often inevitable, but it can be done nicely, without malice - it's rudeness and malice which are unacceptable

3 members like this comment.

1139876-Deleted - 11 May, 2018 - 07:36AM

Does it matter? Whatever their reasons, whatever your reasons, however its taken, you didn’t click. It takes 2 to tango. Trying to illicit guilt out of people for being rude when you’re enticing them to be unfaithful has more than a passing sense of irony. I’m not advocating being rude, im just advocating focusing on the people where you do click and your exchange of messages may lead somewhere.

1222644-Deleted - 10 May, 2018 - 11:10PM

I always reply in a civil and kind fashion if there is no spark. After all, we cannot all fancy each other - it makes sense. As they say in Yorkshire "Cocks and Hens pairs their sens" (themselves). In the time I have been on this site only one guy has had a hissy fit and I withdrew thinking I'd had a lucky escape!

Anyone who reacts in that way need therapy in my book.

3 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 10 May, 2018 - 08:35PM

I read it the same way as Callie. It sounds like he had a real sense of humour failure and, in my view anyway, his response to you was far ruder.

2 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 10 May, 2018 - 02:47PM

No rejection is nice, we all like to feel we have something to offer in a relationship and we often don't get the opportunity to present ourselves in the best light as this whole process is pretty sterile until you get to a coffee and cake or a tea and crumpet meeting!

But rejection is better than no response at all. Even a 'I will let you know....' is better than nothing.

3 members like this comment.

Callie - 10 May, 2018 - 01:23PM

I think personally your message could have been taken 2 ways he obviously took it that you meant he wasn’t fanciable enough and took umbrage but I read it that you wouldn’t go home with him after one meeting which I absolutely understand as I feel the same I would prefer meeting up a couple of times see how we go and then take things further but I think men don’t think this way. So probably no loss he seems to be a bit too sensitive I’ve had loads of knock backs but never reacted in this way.

8 members like this comment.

Tantalising - 10 May, 2018 - 10:09AM

Fantastic way of looking at things couldn't have put it better myself !

1 member likes this comment.

1134762-Deleted - 09 May, 2018 - 08:26PM

What an absolute expletive...I have yet to have an encounter. .but laugh...and move on:)

1 member likes this comment.

Wildeside - 09 May, 2018 - 06:56PM

Generally, men on IE have a deficiency in manners and courtesy. Regardless of the concept of IE, I believe that certain level of etiquette still applies. They are happy to chat, but as soon as they get the PW - their real attitudes come out - "You are not my type...."

It's not a sweet shop and there is a better way of phrasing words. I tend to read the profiles and 99%, I can tell a lot about the person and I don't reply or engage nor invest my time in chats.

Men, don't be rude just because of the nature of IE - women are attracted to gentlemen and not someone who wanted to boost their ego. It's really a turn off.

8 members like this comment.

Exemplo - 09 May, 2018 - 05:09PM

There are ways and means to deliver rejection in a positive manner. Perhaps the phase "walk in the other persons shoes " should be considered before the choice of words.

2 members like this comment.

1214880-Deleted - 09 May, 2018 - 04:14PM

Sometimes email/message can be missread as it happened to me a few times.But I agree with majority on here,You could of been a little bit more subtle in his rejection.Men not always take rejection easy.

2 members like this comment.

Guilty1 - 09 May, 2018 - 04:04PM

I'm just happy if someone bothers to respond to a message ..I'm fairly easily pleased for a handsome stallion of a man , with an uncorked banter decanter and size 11 feet ...

9 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 09 May, 2018 - 12:22PM

Dear Perfect Moments
I too advocate truth. Did you think I didn't?
To be clear. The kind of response I would advocate in the original post would be along the lines of:
"Thank you very much for the compliment. You too come across as a warm, funny, and friendly type. But, to be truthful, I don't think I could have a sexual relationship with you. You simply do not float my boat in this way. Sorry. I wish you well in the future"

This is truthful, but I don't think it would cause the negative response that the original jokey response did.

3 members like this comment.

Filtiam - 09 May, 2018 - 10:49AM

I agree with Tarot in that communicating via email or messaging completely lacks context. You cannot tell how someone will interpret what you right and vice versa. It is extremely easy to upset people and whilst we may all wear masks to protect the “real” us, people can react badly, it’s human nature and we are all gloriously imperfect…

I don’t know anybody who wouldn’t be affected by rejection, so be prepared for an abrupt response.

There have been times when I’ve sent something and then thought I could have phrased it better. So now I try to be polite and courteous. I send my PW first off because let’s be totally honest you might have to engage the mind before the body but we are programmed to be physical beings, and if anyone says looks aren’t important quite frankly they’re lying.
I simply ask now for a polite “no” if I don’t fit what people are looking for. Sadly, and this does say a lot about human nature, some people can’t even be bothered to do that…

9 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 09 May, 2018 - 09:39AM

I have a saying for this..
I would rather be hurt with the truth than charmed with a pack of lies.

7 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 09 May, 2018 - 08:41AM

Your reply to the guy was rude in my opinion because you were responding to a compliment with a brush-off. If you receive a compliment the polite (and correct) response is always a thank you. His response was even more rude, but that is only to be expected given he was hurt. Beware when you use what you think is a jokey approach...it can be thrown back in your face. What goes around comes around as the Yanks say.

4 members like this comment.

Shortbutcute - 09 May, 2018 - 12:33AM

Sexybexy - if being subtle and saying I'd take a taxi home rather than I wouldn't go home with you cos I don't fancy you is being rude then what the heck is no f..in oil painting? And you admit to being guilty of this yourself!

7 members like this comment.

Aphrodite21 - 08 May, 2018 - 10:30PM

Narrow escape for you. Well done.

6 members like this comment.

1071490-Deleted - 08 May, 2018 - 09:07PM

The challenge here is that email/messaging lacks texture or the extra dimension of facial expression, so what seems funny to you and vice verse can seem rude to the recipient. I know very few people that thrive on rejection, so don’t expect anyone to like being rejected. All the more reason to keep everything courteous, and save the attempts at humour til you meet in person.

3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 08 May, 2018 - 05:16PM

To be fair, both sexes are equally guilty of this kind of behaviour and not just confined to the men.

Personally, I prefer the "ugly truth" to a "beautiful lie" in most cases but of course there are ways of saying it without being hurtful.

3 members like this comment.

E. Edward Grey - 08 May, 2018 - 02:39PM

Believe me, some women can't handle it either. Love your phrase, "if you can't see yourself horizontally ....". Ive often said much the same words myself. It's a shame some people can't be a bit more mature and act with a little more grace.

6 members like this comment.

The Actress - 08 May, 2018 - 02:27PM

I was once (many moons ago), in the early stages of chatting by text to a guy; who seemed very witty and intelligent.

Comes that all important first date, so 'I suggest a venue about halfway between our respective homes, and this is what I got an hour or so before it was to take place...................

"I have changed my mind about meeting. I was interested in the sexual aspect, and would have been keen to go straight to that".

This from a gentleman (?), I hadn't even met!

You may imagine my response; it concerned my utter lack of desperation, and his complete lack of self esteem; (although, I have to admit that I might not have worded it quite so calmly or politely). LOL

I think we have to take all such occurrences, in the knowledge that this is a site where anything can happen, (and quite often does)! So what, if a few people behave disgracefully from behind the safety of a computer screen or smartphone; there are a great many others who are a delight to know!

9 members like this comment.

Ecclefechan - 08 May, 2018 - 12:55PM

As a man I would have to completely agree with you. Some men do not handle rejction at all well. However, the ‘control’ thing is not peculiarly male. It just manifests itself differently. Some ladies evidently get a kick out of the sharp put down too. Manners cost nothing but maybe its better that they betray their true nature at the outset.

4 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 08 May, 2018 - 12:30PM

Say no politely? In my opinion you were bl**dy rude. Here is a guy who has paid you a compliment and all you've done is given him a harsh brush off. No wonder he returned your insult in spades and blocked you. Good on him. I think the problem here is that those of us with, as my previous boss would say, robust SOHs can go too far especially when we try to joke with those who do not know us well. I know I have been guilty of this, and, in my early days, upset some men by my ripostes, mainly concerning my reactions to their photos. The subsequent blockings were not the marks of cowards but of hurt people I have learnt to be more circumspect in my reactions and suggest you do too.

7 members like this comment.

Currently online:
Registered Users: 641

Letters to Sara

secure discrete friendly