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Letters to Sara

Should I settle?

I am wondering whether those of us who are of an older age than most on this site settle for someone, however seemingly unsuitable due to distance, age etc, because there are not that many responses to our profiles? I have received some interesting responses from some men younger than my son, even though I have given an age range. Also, those from men further afield than is feasible for a worthwhile relationship to prosper. I will not settle for these but am I wrong? Should I just go for what is offered whatever that may be? Am I being too picky?

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Comments (35)

1257498-Deleted - 04 Sep, 2018 - 03:39PM

Distance is definitely a problem, especially if living in a small community!

Maxstorm715 - 12 Jul, 2018 - 10:09AM

age is just a number if you like what you are reading about somebody who has messaged you no matter what age give it a whirl and have some fun xx

1 member likes this comment.

captain883 - 05 May, 2018 - 04:42PM

Come on - age really is not the issue - it is whether people connect with each other. Trouble is that personal interests vary dramatically with age. If you gen up on the latest bands, the latest social media "must sees" and so forth then you can advertise genuinely as "young at heart and play".

Unless you are the strong silent type with matinee idol looks you will have to engage in conversation at some point.

Just wait for the deluge of replies.

WorshipHer - 13 Feb, 2018 - 11:18AM

It is not about being "too picky" or "settling for someone unsuitable", it is about being realistic about the size of pond you fishing in. Set your constraints too tightly and you end up with zero people in your catchment net.

Think what matters to you and vary what does not. Having been around this loop before - with good results - I know what works for me. I know I can be flexible on distance as I travel, I know that looks do not matter that much to me, but character and intelligence matter a lot. I know that age matters a bit but is more about personality and shared interest. Putting all that together, I look quite broadly geographically, consider people from a (relatively) large age range, never reject anyone just on looks, but after that I am quite fussy on someone's ability to make an interesting conversation.

Also realise, the other person may have different criteria to you too - what is consider a long distance by one person, can seem close to another.

1 member likes this comment.

dybb_uk - 27 Jan, 2018 - 06:57PM

I'm in a quandary, and new to this, too. None of the contacts I've made has resulted in a meeting. I suspect my profile isn't doing me any favours so, following s_bennett33's suggestion, I'd welcome advice from ladies about how to improve my profile. Then I might not have to "settle" for anyone, but welcome a chance to meet.

Kassandra111 - 27 Jan, 2018 - 01:48PM

What's your perception of settling?

Whatever it is, It's your decision, you get out what you put in... But just a quick question: Would you like someone to settle on you?

Personally, i think finding someone you get on with, develop something with and enjoy good sex with, is the goal and ultimately more important than meeting someone and thinking "WOW"...

"settling " sounds like sediment floating down to the bottom and leaving muddy looking water...

Strumpet Voluntary - 25 Jan, 2018 - 12:16AM

I wish Morrissey was on here, he could make some wonderful songs out of these letters. I think you shouldn't settle for less than you want, even if you're not sure what you want! It's nice to have the freedom of choice and to go for it if you fancy a flutter. 💕

mistinthesea - 18 Jan, 2018 - 11:30PM

Settle is a horrible word. In many levels, it shows no respect for the person you're seeing and yourself. It doesn't matter how they look, sound, speak, or what they do in life, if the attraction is there, you haven't settled for less. But saying you have settled is like saying that person is not worth it but will do because you don't respect yourself enough to think you can do better. Why have an IE if you just want to settle for whatever comes your way?

darknhandsome - 16 Jan, 2018 - 12:20AM

You can only judge what works for you. If there is a spark do not be worried about age or anything else.

1182832-Deleted - 15 Jan, 2018 - 12:32PM

I'm with RedLips....I think if you have the time and nothing they have said or written rules them out entirely then meet up with them. You may find that a significant chunk of the timewasters fade away instantly as you switch from virtual to real world.

Those you do meet may pleasantly surprise you....meetings are rarely dull or a waste of time unless the other party has in some way deceived.

1 member likes this comment.

wildstrawberry - 14 Jan, 2018 - 05:35PM

No...be picky...too risky to not have what you want...!

5 members like this comment.

1185743-Deleted - 10 Jan, 2018 - 11:16PM

Hi. I think if you only want a sexual encounter just settle for the ones that contact you. Try to meet them (regardless of age, unless you really don't want a younger man). Remember we are here for sexual encounters not for a marriage ;)

3 members like this comment.

Gymfit8 - 10 Jan, 2018 - 09:57PM

Sometimes I have been surprised at my meets, how nice they have been from thinking at the first meet, I won't be seeing him again. Age does matter. I have had offers from men a lot younger than myself which I refused.

Distance is an issue but sometimes if both can make the effort it's great when you can meet. Makes it more exciting

1 member likes this comment.

s_bennett33 - 08 Jan, 2018 - 08:22PM

In response to my request, one lady poster kindly offered some suggestions for how to improve my profile. I followed her advice and I'm now looking forward to an encounter (with a different lady) in the near future :-)
If any ladies want a man’s opinion on their profile, you might as well ask here, and I'm sure someone will respond! We may be inundated with requests, but that's better than having an empty mailbox ;-)

1 member likes this comment.

Zyphod - 08 Jan, 2018 - 11:29AM

I know it may sound a little crass, but sometime you have to "settle" (horrible word) for somebody where logistically things work out better.
No point in having an affair with somebody who is perfect but you can't find a mutual time/place to meet.

1 member likes this comment.

Perfect moments - 08 Jan, 2018 - 10:45AM

You should go with what you feel is right for you.
Go with your gut instinct because that is usually right. Only you can make the choice.

1 member likes this comment.

The Actress - 08 Jan, 2018 - 08:15AM

@OrganicBP. You naughty man! There you go; making mischief again, from your "watching the world go by" window seat in Starbuck's! Don't listen to him People! He's just winding you all up! So, I couldn't resist adding my two pence worth! ;)

OP---You keep to the standards you set for yourself; however, you might consider re-reading your own profile, from your ideal man's point of view; just to see if there are any tweaks you might make, to ensure that you're attracting "him" (whoever he might be).

As for anyone else's opinion, (mine included), take what's helpful, and let the rest slide by! Good Luck x

4 members like this comment.

1191975-Deleted - 07 Jan, 2018 - 08:14PM

You must have been hurt in the past, all us older people have so it makes you wary, that is a normal feeling. Don’t settle for second best as it won’t lead to happiness, look for what is the best for you that can make you the happiest. I would beware of men younger than your son especially if you are a home owner for the obvious reasons. Distance isnt the problem it used to be with telephones, the internet, emails and video calls free on viber and messanger and other free apps, you can keep in touch daily., go for the one that makes you the happiest.

1 member likes this comment.

Lady Leona - 06 Jan, 2018 - 09:01PM

Never settle for anything short of what you want here!
Many times ive been tempted by messages from guys outside my age range.... but none of them have turned out to be what i really wanted.
Stick to your guns, and focus on finding Mr Right for you.
But i do agree that a welll thought out/written profile is essential in this game.

Organic Basket of Plums - 05 Jan, 2018 - 03:41PM

Simple Answer
since I am one for honesty

You are being too picky.
another clear case of
#sweet shop syndrome

SeldomSeen - 05 Jan, 2018 - 02:53PM

To misquote Curtis Mayfield: 'Take nothing less than the very best'

amber57 - 04 Jan, 2018 - 11:36PM

Hi there....
i ,do know what you, mean,As , you made your profile and pointed the age out, its still a nice compliment, to be aproached by a far younger person,as it gives you also the self confidence,. i did had some younger guys as you, but rather be more comfortable with my own choosen age 60 +
Age should not make a diffrenerence!
go meet them u talk have a laugh, ur instinct will let you know,
for the long distance, i think it want work , so just let them know that , in a friendlie manner and wish them luck, in there search.
you not wrong in any facts you pointed out, its hard to find the true person , you like to spend time with in friendship and also as a lover.
just trust ur Instinct, and you will find the person you looking for

1 member likes this comment.

1198132-Deleted - 04 Jan, 2018 - 07:52PM

I would say that any lady who has written a decent profile should find something close to what she is looking for. I too have read sexybexy’s profile and think ‘you go girl’ and not surprised you are being successful. Less soul searching, more sex should do the trick x

2 members like this comment.

1198132-Deleted - 04 Jan, 2018 - 07:52PM

I would say that any lady who has written a decent profile should find something close to what she is looking for. I too have read sexybexy’s profile and think ‘you go girl’ and not surprised you are being successful. Less souls searching, more sex should do the trick x

1 member likes this comment.

beelle - 04 Jan, 2018 - 09:08AM

We "older " men (65, which doesn't feel old) would kill for messages from women young enough to be our daughters!! The reality is that none of us are likely to find our "ideal" partner so everything is a compromise. For example I have had a couple of messaging sessions with ladies one of whom was "only looking" and with the other one we couldn't match availability.

Then you have the unreal expectations, after all this is an adultery site for people with spouses to be cheated on so you can't expect your wife to say "why don't you just run off for the weekend to Paris with your other woman", which is what some ladies on here seem to expect will happen.

Almost all of the matches that the site throws up bring up ladies whose profiles say that they are looking for younger men. Yet, if you read the "escort" websites, most call girls say that they prefer older men as we are more respectful, better sex partners, less selfish and less opinionated.

4 members like this comment.

Kubixia - 03 Jan, 2018 - 11:10PM

Oh good lord no. Never settle. Life is far too short for second rate service.

My IE standards are the same as my IRL standsrds. Also primarily, this extra relationship must be life enhancing. Anything detracting or even remotely tedious is a firm no thanks.

8 members like this comment.

1042023-Deleted - 03 Jan, 2018 - 04:08PM

If you are seeking a 'worthwhile relationship to prosper' will your heart really be in it if you settle for less than you desire? If you are married would it be any better than what you already have and would the risk be worth taking?

3 members like this comment.

893607-Deleted - 03 Jan, 2018 - 12:20PM

Hello 🙂
I wouldn't use the term "settle" and my view is....if you sometimes take a risk or move out of your comfort zone it can be the best and most fulfilling thing you have ever done. Why have restrictions because you may open up something you really enjoy...AND you can always plan your escape 😂 Have fun and chill x

3 members like this comment.

1071886-Deleted - 03 Jan, 2018 - 08:08AM

Life is about making compromises and making the best of what is available

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 02 Jan, 2018 - 08:46PM

It all depend whether you're looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right-now!

@Sexybexy: Congratulations for knowing what you want, and just getting out there and asking for it!!
I too, have been at mercy (?) of younger men, some of whom don't accept that I'm honest on my profile, and only demand my PW to see if I'm "someone off the telly"! (I'm not; I only work in films)

Yet, I'm still very choosy! True, I've given up being too prescriptive about age, and (happily) I have found that some other younger men, appreciate a grown-up partner with a brain, but no emotional baggage.

So keep looking! After all we're all here to re-kindle a bit of magic, aren't we? Not to find therapy!

8 members like this comment.

s_bennett33 - 02 Jan, 2018 - 03:59PM

While composing this reply, I checked out sexybexy's profile, and I can see why she's inundated with eager suitors - well done!
I'm a guy who is also quite a bit older than most people on here; I'm a recent recruit, so still finding my way around. Ultimately people connections surely depend on a spark between people rather than a rigid age range, so if everything else (including commuting distance) looks as if it might be a fit, I don't see that we need to exactly respect people's "ideal partner" criteria. After all, we don't suddenly change our personalities when we pass an age milestone, not even "significant" ones!
I have to confess that this is a theoretical discussion so far, but I live in hope!

3 members like this comment.

Sexybexy - 02 Jan, 2018 - 02:11PM

I think you have every right to be as picky as you want. However, I think the real issue here is that as a woman on this site you are not getting many responses. This means there is something wrong with your profile! I'm an older woman and every week I'm deluged with replies. OK, so most of these are from those too young or too far away to have a relationship, but some are not and one or two have been absolutely lovely. So, do a pr job on your profile, say what you really want in the sack, make sure you sound like someone a man would like to have a sexual relationship with, and I can assure you, the requests will come rolling in.

2 members like this comment.

1184851-Deleted - 02 Jan, 2018 - 01:09PM

A connection with someone on all levels is important to me, and quite possibly the same for you? You have your standards, or preferences, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that : )
You have to follow your attraction.
My attraction and preference is to men older than me, my personal choice. But there is nothing in the rule book that states you can't diversify if the attraction is there. (Is there a rule book even? Ha!)
My advice is, don't 'settle'. We are all worth far more than that. Wishing you lots of luck and fun x

3 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 02 Jan, 2018 - 12:32PM

Logical questions.

I have had many men contact me who are younger than the age range I have aimed for.
Those around my sons age - no thanks.

Everyone that has contacted me younger than my chosen age range have all played games and bowed out at some point prior to meeting even though they have contacted me and asked me to make an exception.

Due to my situation, time restrictions, finances, and safety for knowing my area, any man has to work or visit my town to see and have a relationship with me. Even though a big city it has caused limitations.

In the 18 months on here only met and had a few short term (their choice) relationships, however quality and safety my priority.

Be open minded about looks etc always need to meet in person, however distance always an issue!

Patience, and more patience!

6 members like this comment.

1192241-Deleted - 02 Jan, 2018 - 11:05AM

I do think those of us who are a little older should be perhaps a little less picky I have in my short membership received responses from ladies a little further away .In my experience a profile is only a snapshot .I always reply to all messages and VKs you just
never know where it may lead

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