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Letters to Sara

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

What a rollercoaster 6 weeks I’ve had since joining IE, however I’m now at a crossroads as to whether I continue or stop. Here’s my story..

I joined IE in July with no expectations at all. I’m a regular guy, average looks & physique, kind and thoughtful with a huge heart, but looking for that one special person to bring some spice back into my life. 

After completing my profile I started messaging people who were matched to me. Sadly most of my messages were either ignored or would come back with ‘password?’ – I guess at least I got a response. On sending a password most of these never came back either.

I was beginning to wonder if I had made a big mistake and where had I gone wrong. Then I received a gift….. a bottle of wine. We started talking, exchanged passwords, kik names (over 1000 messages in 2 weeks!) – I really thought I’d discovered the end of the rainbow and couldn’t believe how lucky I was. We arranged to meet up and met for a lovely lunch, seemed to get on but then everything just fizzled out following the meeting. Being told things like I’m amazing, yummy and comfortable to be with just makes things even harder to understand where I went wrong. 

I’ve modified my profile to try and make me sound more attractive to someone, but with little success so far. So….. I’m standing at the crossroads whether I should cut my losses now or keep going to try and find that one amazing person, for a last chance of happiness.

Any advice from yourself or members would be greatly appreciated.

37 members like this.

Comments (33)

1253972-Deleted - 23 Aug, 2018 - 06:24PM

After my first few days on here I thought it was a total scam, then suddenly I have had some enjoyable conversations with some lovely ladies, some where we are looking to take it further and it even appears I have a choice of potential partners, as do they. My approach is honesty at least to the person who I am talking to, politeness, asking open questions and rejecting or taking rejection nicely. I want one partner in crime, not a string, so if what I am hoping to work out works out then I may not renew my membership, but at least I now know that amongst quite a few timewasters and picture collectors there are some genuinely lovely women, I would definitely consider rejoining if I ever felt the need.

1202396-Deleted - 26 Jan, 2018 - 01:17PM

Your problem lies in the fact that deep inside you decided that it is the other person who is supposed to make you happy. Your happiness depends only on the quality of your thoughts and your feelings, don't make it as if it was a responsibility of others as when this happens, sooner or later you are bound to be disappointed.

1 member likes this comment.

1198132-Deleted - 08 Jan, 2018 - 08:55PM

Something very similar happened to me when I first started looking, I exchanged loads and loads of messages with someone, big build up to meeting for early evening meal and there was no chemistry, though each of us kept up the pretence through the meeting it was actually a bit embarrassing. I spent the whole of rest of evening trying to work out how to let him down gently then I got message from him saying he just couldn’t do it to his wife (which was of course not true) and how sorry he was. I breathed a great big sigh of relief and said I was sorry too and that was it. I have never done that since. A quick photo exchange and reasonable number of messages to establish something about the person, one or two chats on phone then a short coffee meet. I have been successful in finding a match since.

1161485-Deleted - 07 Dec, 2017 - 11:55AM


To be fair this site is what it is.A place where people take risks via internet channel and make decisions based on what the other person decided to provide.there are risks of corse and many are not worth the attention but occasionally one ascends upon a genuine person who want the same thing.....fun.pleasure a time capsule of good memories not bad preferably and not wo invest your emotions too heavily in the situation

2 members like this comment.

1187025-Deleted - 06 Dec, 2017 - 10:49PM

Totally agree with Mysticalsunlight - a great many guys on here have absolutely no intention of ever meeting and are happy to get off on the chat - I am not gullible enough to encourage it however. I can generally suss out quickly which way the chat is heading and often its a delete and block as I am on here to meet someone strangely enough! My advice is to not get involved in days of chit chat but to arrange a meet if you like the look of the person. If they stall then simply delete and move on to someone else - I work on the basis that my time is precious and I wont have it wasted by one of the site's resident timewasters.

5 members like this comment.

1088837-Deleted - 27 Nov, 2017 - 07:08PM

I have enjoyed two long term lovers care of ie the last of 7 yrs duration ... the site has changed over the years and the lady's can move on quickly to the next profile , guess its a little like a sweet shop to many lady's, and they can rightly be very selective , on balance its the best site , try harder !

1 member likes this comment.

MysticalSunlight47 - 03 Nov, 2017 - 10:41AM

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I've found lots of full on messaging usually ends up nowhere or the person disappears. I empathise with you about meeting somebody who seems to like you and pays you compliments but who then disappears afterwards. Its hurtful, confusing and demoralising. But I guess that's the internet for you. A lot of folk are unsure of what they actually want. You seem totally genuine in wanting to find somebody and I wish you lots of luck, and its good to see that some folk here are on a genuine search for a special person. Unfortunately a lot of folk are here with no intention whatsoever of actually going out to meet somebody, and that's the difficult fact of the matter. To all folk here on genuine searches, and yourself, I wish all the the best best.

5 members like this comment.

990870-Deleted - 31 Oct, 2017 - 10:53PM

For me personally I think it’s nice to see the photos, let’s face it we can tell a good story but at the end of the day the attraction/spark has to be there, specially if considering to be in a long term relationship with who ever you meet. What’s the point in getting to like someone lots without seeing their photo, meet up to think omg what have I done, best to be straight from the beginning...... stick with it :)

7 members like this comment.

1160817-Deleted - 12 Oct, 2017 - 05:24PM

It’s happened to me as a woman. You chat and suggest you meet only for the excuses to start .... so I tested one that had been making excuses ..I said I’d booked a day room and all of a sudden he could meet me. Needless to say I didn’t meet him ....
Let’s be honest some are here just because they had a row with wife and want someone to fancy them again, rub their ego , they have no intention of ever meeting anyone
So I say try again but don’t exchange too many texts ... have a coffee get to know the real woman and not the text message version and if they try and put you off, move on and don’t look back

14 members like this comment.

Whatabounder - 05 Oct, 2017 - 11:49AM

Most of the time one doesn't get replies, I guess there are a lot of messages hitting ladies inboxes and it really is a 'buyers' market in that sense.

But keep at it, and am sure you will find someone to enjoy some special times with.

There are some really lovely ladies on here.

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 02 Oct, 2017 - 07:53PM

blueangel321 - 01 Oct, 2017 - 12:48AM

"Personally I prefer NOT to message too many times and arrange a meet after a few days and chats if I think there is a possibility we would gel. I go into every meet with a blank slate - I can honestly say that, and that is the best way to approach it."

Totally agree!

2 members like this comment.

1171294-Deleted - 01 Oct, 2017 - 12:48AM

These things happen - draw a line under it and move on. Dont try and analyse either. My feeling is that you were so euphoric about this upcoming meet your expectations were probably far too high. It can be exciting when you think you may have met someone on the site you are a match with - you love the messaging, phone chats, texts etc - but it all goes flat when you meet face to face. Personally I prefer NOT to message too many times and arrange a meet after a few days and chats if I think there is a possibility we would gel. I go into every meet with a blank slate - I can honestly say that, and that is the best way to approach it.

6 members like this comment.

Treasure73 - 23 Sep, 2017 - 05:29PM

Just be your true self Never conform to fit, into other's ideals! You'll find someone that you click with. I suggest you stay a bit longer, there's someone here for you. Keep your chin up and stay.

2 members like this comment.

1171308-Deleted - 22 Sep, 2017 - 05:54PM

Stick with it.
Don't get offended when get asked for your pw early as obviously people want to speak and get to know a person who you like the look of, it's natural. Then arrange a coffee meet sooner rather than later, lots of messages are pointless if there isn't any spark, and you will only know that face to face.
I've learnt this from experience, chatted to guys via kik but the person in real wasn't the person I felt I had been speaking to.
So just keep trying, your lady is out there for sure, have clear upto date photos so there's no time wasting to.
Good luck x

7 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 22 Sep, 2017 - 02:42PM

- I do not see anything wrong with your profile, I like it, apart from expecting the lady to ONLY see you!
a) I started seeing more than one married man as due to its nature not one has been able to see me as often as they hoped, I have many evenings free and would like to fill them. If your only able to see someone a couple of times a month or less that is unreasonable of you for them to only see you!
b) You already have another in your life and it may not be as you expect, things can repair, I know, several not expected to repair have done so to the extent some no longer have the time to see me :-D
c) It took me about 9 months to start to find the type of men I am looking for. It did however take them days to find me from the start of their memberships.

Patience :-)

4 members like this comment.

marklondonengland - 19 Sep, 2017 - 09:27PM

As Exotic Orchid suggests, perhaps the lady you met was just after a date and not anything more ongoing at all. Who knows? However I expect what is more likely is that you managed to connect online/text, but the same personality or chemistry was not present in person. You can feel rejected and walk away, but that would mean that you believe that every profile exactly reflects the person. You need to identify what kind of relationship you want, make sure you state it clearly, ensure that it matches with what the woman you meet wants, AND on top of all that find that you actually enjoy meeting and find some chemistry. It doesn't always happen even if you match on paper. If you walk away then it would seem that you just have unreasonable expectations.

3 members like this comment.

1164994-Deleted - 18 Sep, 2017 - 08:03PM

I have to say I'm in agreement with the original poster: I've been on this site several times before over the years, met some wonderful ladies, and here I am, back again after a year away, been on here nearly 6 weeks, 100 plus views, but nothing much at all (can you hear that lone violin playing?), no ongoing conversations, definitely no meets, and wondering is it me, is it my age, my pictures, my profile?

I've just rewritten my profile from scratch for the third time, having realised unless I put down clearly what I actually want, what I feel and who I am, how will anyone else be able to glean my character as a potential match?

Only time will tell, but I have to say this site is harder work than it used to be: a victim of its own success?

5 members like this comment.

amber57 - 12 Sep, 2017 - 12:32PM

I do not think you done or said anything wrong,
sometimes , its easy for some people to get on with others ,or some just like the buzz ,still to be wanted, or in some cases people use people,(which is sad)
i, know what it can be and by god i had it and was very happy.
it was and still is the longest and best friendship i dreamed of.
i think some , just do not understand companionship and true friendship, it does exist!
if , i be in your shoes, be just as you are,enjoy the attention ,and test your self with you instinct.
do not take everything for granted,remember this is a side of hopes , illusion,and in very rare cases a amazing place to meet someone who stays.
i ,wish you luck that you find her.

4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 11 Sep, 2017 - 11:53AM

NikViking - 09 Sep, 2017 - 03:33PM

Hope your situation improves now as a result of your comment here! ;-)

984721-Deleted - 11 Sep, 2017 - 10:09AM

I am always polite when meeting . I find it hard to say outright not for me. But I do message afterwards to let them know. So - yes its not what is said ...its how they feel about moving forward
I would be put off by so many texts ..most of us don't have the time or the need for such intensity
its a casual thing an affair ...fun and transient xx

3 members like this comment.

NikViking - 09 Sep, 2017 - 03:33PM

I'm on my fourth round here. So far one lunch date which didn't go anywhere. I should quit but being on here at least gives me some hope. I don't think I'll actually meet anyone off here, gave up on that idea long ago.

2 members like this comment.

scottishwizard - 09 Sep, 2017 - 11:16AM

A faint heart never won the fair lady.

1 member likes this comment.

Raquel12 - 04 Sep, 2017 - 07:58AM

to the OP- Use your gut feeling next time. It will be so much more sharpened, no matter what the person says.

1 member likes this comment.

mistinthesea - 03 Sep, 2017 - 12:45PM

Don't stay, don't go. Have fun when you can.

1 member likes this comment.

repeat offender - 29 Aug, 2017 - 11:07AM

STAY. Maybe change the profiles you respond too as well cast the net a little...

2 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 28 Aug, 2017 - 09:06AM

You are talking in terms of a serious relationship being what you want. So ie is not the place for you.
Secondly you are too intense. 1000 texts is very worrying and indicated again that you seem an escape from your life.
I sense you are not relaxed with yourself since you're trying to please or worry what is wrong with you.
I.e. is a casual sex site at the end of the day. Not somewhere to validate feelings of self esteem or find a second marriage.
Good luck

12 members like this comment.

raymond961 - 28 Aug, 2017 - 08:21AM

keep at it, as the saying goes, if you don't go fishing you won't catch any fish

3 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 27 Aug, 2017 - 04:06PM

I joined IE last October / November, a couple of first meetings that went no where, then this year some great men.

They each found me in a few days of their memberships ...

Some are lucky and find the right one/s quickly others not.

I agree with ExoticOrchid...

I try to meet quite quickly as messaging will only get you so far, public meetings etc.
Some this has been quite quickly, others due to location etc has taken several months!

For either sex, if you feel you are being messed around, move on, there are people of both sexes who play games, and people of both sexes, wonderful and genuine! :-)

14 members like this comment.

1132344-Deleted - 26 Aug, 2017 - 08:25AM

Keep trying and then try again and then try some more.Patience and time i am afraid, lovely to hear a gentleman who actually believes in finding the right one ....horses for courses and all that. we are all here for different reasons.

3 members like this comment.

Minhotep - 25 Aug, 2017 - 09:20PM

If you got to meet a lady in your first six weeks you're doing well. But that's not home and dry, it's just the first step. It's not what they say that matters, it's what they don't say. Did she mention your overpowering halitosis, or the wee bogey hanging from your nose, or your habit of chewing with your mouth open? Any one of those would have been a killer, but those are only three of the most extreme examples of things that will provoke a bad response. She, like you, is looking for somebody to have wild passionate sex with and she's not going to commit to something as dangerous as an affair with somebody who has even a minor flaw.

3 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 25 Aug, 2017 - 07:09PM

Last chance of happiness? On IE? Oh man are you in the wrong place!

24 members like this comment.

nonsensical - 25 Aug, 2017 - 06:14PM

All I can say, is that I met a few ladies from IE. It does work, even to the point of taking it to the next level. Just try not to get too serious, as I found most ladies on here want to retain their personal life as is, but have a bit of excitement and very discrete fun on the side. Just remember this an illicit relationship site, and not a site to find your next wife. Although I can imagine that could happen as well.
One or two months, is not long to get into a relationship with someone, even under normal circumstance. So if you are serious about having an affair, you will need to be patient and stick with it.

10 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 25 Aug, 2017 - 11:22AM

I hate to say this but perhaps that "lady" you met was just stringing you along for a free lunch!!!

18 members like this comment.

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