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Letters to Sara

When should I disclose I have a disability? letter of the month

Dear Sara,

Am I the only IE member here who has a disability? Surely I can't be! So when should I disclose; on my profile, early on during chats or just before taking the plunge and inviting someone to join me on a date?

My disability comes in the form of being severely hard of hearing so, being a hidden disability, it doesn't show in my photos but the dead give away is when I get an invitation to swap phone numbers with ladies on IE. That is the moment I have come to dread. We could have been chatting along by text and getting along famously until they give me their number and ask me to call:

"Oh Crumbs, I have to tell you that I'm hard of hearing and don't hear so well on the phone."

A long pause... followed by an even longer period of silence.... followed by zilch! All communication ends up being terminated. This has happened several times now.

On one recent date we got as far as the art gallery and then on to a restaurant for lunch. My date could see that I was struggling to hear her over the muzak and background noises. Quite unexpectedly she looked at her phone and said she needed to make an urgent call.

She slipped outside to make the alleged important phone call and ran away without so much as a thanks but no thanks or a goodbye. I had disclosed my hearing loss to her before the date via text but the reality of it seemed to just freak her out!

I've end up being tossed aside and left feeling humiliated after disclosing I have a hearing loss. Is everyone else here some sort of Greek god or goddess? Is there a cult of physical perfection on IE? I very much doubt it somehow.

So what do other IE members think? When should I disclose my disability? Should I be upfront and put it on my profile? I am not ashamed of my hearing loss but I don't want my character to be defined by it either. Communication is, of course, important for developing a relationship and once I've got used to someone's voice and lip patterns they hardly notice I have a hearing loss at all. What am I to do?

Yours sincerely,


18 members like this.

Comments (65)

whiterose61 - 26 Feb, 2017 - 06:23PM

I have a disability . I have severe Osteoarthritis in both knees and have had it in the one since I was in my mid twenties. It is in my profile . I can walk but not far at all in one stretch although I do push myself . I make it clear it's not a pity party but just being honest in case they want someone who can go on long walk with. Most appreciate my honesty about this along with honesty about my dress size. I have found that they guys I have chatted with have not minded at all and picked up on it straight away when reading my profile. I would say put it in your profile but make it light hearted so they know it's not a" oh look at poor me" comment .

1104842-Deleted - 17 Jan, 2017 - 04:38PM

Sorry to hear that not all women are like that and as you've stated it before a meet I can't see it being a problem and how rude of that lady just to up and leave like that. Absolutely disgusting

Petite Blonde allows - 09 Jan, 2017 - 10:47PM

Everyone needs a spark
I don't think it should be frowned upon to want a physical attraction.

ExoticOrchid - 28 Dec, 2016 - 06:29PM

Pollyann1666 - 28 Dec, 2016 - 01:24AM

Err got the wrong letter???

Pollyann1666 - 28 Dec, 2016 - 01:24AM

After running round for the last two months trying to get things together, so we can all have a good Christmas, all he wants do do, is sit in front of the TVs and scoff food and drink, which he thinks is ok as he works. Doesn't think I work, running round al day back and to the school, house work, doesn't come easy .

1111228-Deleted - 18 Dec, 2016 - 03:25PM

You have to be up front with everything... that way, you are safe in the knowledge that whoever chats with you will be ok with your disability and will not judge you on that.

1 member likes this comment.

Longy14 - 15 Dec, 2016 - 10:51PM

Well done for speaking up for yourself and letting other members know about your humiliation with this person. You certainly don't deserve to be treated like that by anyone. She was very rude to walk out on you instead of being honest. You deserve better so put it down to experience and I'm sure there's someone else out there for you who'll appreciate you even more. Good Luck. Xx

1 member likes this comment.

1077237-Deleted - 14 Dec, 2016 - 01:18AM

Well for the record, if you were actually older, I would certainly be chasing you! Your profile sounds great!

1030919-Deleted - 03 Dec, 2016 - 11:18AM

Well I have now disclosed my hearing impairment on my profile and received the following interesting message yesterday:

HER: 'Lol your profile made me giggle an you sound older then 49 lol'

ME: 'Really - how old?'

HER: 'Oh erm sorry maybe 60'

Oh dear me! I peeped at her profile and was tempted to reply that her command of spelling and grammar suggested that she was much younger than the age she specified. Age seven and a half being my conservative estimate? Of course, I didn't though as it wouldn't have been kind.

Ah well tis a beautiful day here so I had better get on my penny farthing bicycle and ride into town to see if Boots still sell ear trumpets.

Fare thee well. x

18 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 03 Dec, 2016 - 11:03AM

Wishonastar - 02 Dec, 2016 - 11:35PM

Exactly ... objective achieved!!! :-)

1 member likes this comment.

Wishonastar - 02 Dec, 2016 - 11:35PM

Now poor fireworks will be getting lots of messages reassuring him that he's said nothing wrong lol ;-p

3 members like this comment.

1108327-Deleted - 02 Dec, 2016 - 06:19PM

The question needs to be asked . . . What kind of people are you attracting- they lack depth, ignorant, confused and dismissive. Good riddance I say! Their loss. I hope they get treated just the same

4 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 30 Nov, 2016 - 04:51PM

...And no, Fireworks1972, you haven't said anything offensive. I don't know what this lady is on about :D

2 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 30 Nov, 2016 - 04:49PM

Disclosing or not disclosing...having permission to disclose info or not...does it even matter if the OP has revealed any information about the lady in question or asked her permission to do so, once we don't have a clue who she is? She's still anonymous, we don't even know her username! He hasn't mentioned it, or has he? Am I missing something here? If I am, please tell me!

2 members like this comment.

Mayitbeme? - 29 Nov, 2016 - 11:10PM

I really feel for you. You have had to take knocks for something which is outside your control. I think that the bottom line is that the right person for you will understand right from the start. So be upfront in your profile and say that you have a hearing impediment but it does not define you and that you are just the same as anyone else in every other way. The right match for you will understand. The others.. well they are not right so not relevant. I wish you all the best.

4 members like this comment.

1103502-Deleted - 29 Nov, 2016 - 11:08PM

I'm the victim in all this! I said hello to a lady on here and her reply was " I wouldn't want to chat to you after reading some of your comments "

I honestly am amazed! I don't think I've said anything rude or offensive? Enlighten me if I have.

Maybe she preferred a yes man ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

3 members like this comment.

PureHeartedGirlTee - 27 Nov, 2016 - 06:35PM

Wow! Girlforatime's comment; then Guardian's! Definitely read the whole thread ! Very interesting. Who to believe ? Brightened up my Sunday for half an hour !

5 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 26 Nov, 2016 - 05:36PM

Girlforatime - 24 Nov, 2016 - 04:20PM
".This man then went on to write a comment about things she had told him in confidence which to me makes him a very nasty person"

Looks like the "lady" omitted to tell you, her very good friend this:

"The lady was supportive of me disclosing her viewpoint and previous experience of IE dating but didn't wish to post herself."

andy99960 - 24 Nov, 2016 - 08:49PM
"I also note that u have subsequently posted information on here, for all to read, that yr date has told u in confidence. "

Indeed the missing part of the story seems to be the fact that the "lady" actually gave her permission for theguardian to disclose the information!!!

4 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 26 Nov, 2016 - 11:13AM

If you post a letter here,you will get lots of controversial replies. Hindsight is a great thing,looking back you can see everyone has made errors or misjudgements.The fact is you can't assume anything unless someone actually tells you. If they had both communicated adequately and she had been curteous telling him she was leaving then this letter wouldn't have been written.

3 members like this comment.

Teicu - 26 Nov, 2016 - 11:01AM

As I said to you off here....naive yes and I doubt this has made him popular!

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 26 Nov, 2016 - 10:38AM

SkinSoSoft72 - 25 Nov, 2016 - 04:01PM

"Does anyone read whole threads anymore?"

Doesn't seem like it, judging by some of the comments!

2 members like this comment.

Affairy Tale - 25 Nov, 2016 - 10:39PM

I'd have no issue with this at all, (having worked in disability for years). I'd say that if it is going to be an issue for someone, far better for it to be out in the open sooner rather than later. Good luck with your search!

1 member likes this comment.

747745-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2016 - 09:34PM

I am hard of hearing too..but not severe..it is perplexing when i respond to a question..and i give the wrong answer..because it sounds similar? ..i am also sight impaired..but hey ho..get on with your life and enjoy.. itis their problem..not yours. :)

1 member likes this comment.

Organic Basket of Plums - 25 Nov, 2016 - 07:52PM

The most interesting sequence of comments to a letter yet.

Bring on part 2 sequel
The Coffee Shop Reunion asap

4 members like this comment.

SkinSoSoft72 - 25 Nov, 2016 - 04:01PM

Does anyone read whole threads anymore?

4 members like this comment.

1066183-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2016 - 01:54PM

Think you need to be a bit carful there Guardian and remember you judged someone before walking a mile their shoes given you wrote the letter - if you didn't want a response or to judge why write it! those in glass houses - but I still think your being played like a fiddle.. but you'll decide

3 members like this comment.

1103502-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2016 - 01:22PM

I bet the original poster is having a great time now! His inbox is full of messages from women saying " take me to dinner and I'll show you that not all women are the same "

Well played mrguardian you have played a blinder! Fill your boots old son.

And some women called me naive! This is the best thing that's ever happened to him ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

7 members like this comment.

1030919-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2016 - 12:16PM

@Andy99960 - no betrayal of confidence but thanks for rightly being concerned about this. The lady was supportive of me disclosing her viewpoint and previous experience of IE dating but didn't wish to post herself.

1030919-Deleted - 25 Nov, 2016 - 01:25AM

@Yorklass - Thank you for your comment. Yes the lady was told before our date. As for sob stories ...don't judge another until you've walked a mile in their shoes (her heels or my size 10s). Thank you.

3 members like this comment.

EyesLipsHands - 25 Nov, 2016 - 12:58AM

..Dude, don't waste precious time and money thinking you'll charm em when they meet you...even if you feel you've made it clear to em over the first couple of messages, make sure...by telling em 'i can't hear sh*t, but I make up for it with all my other senses, especially touch..:)'...

Please don't worry theguardian, there are lots of fantastic females out there who will take you exactly as you are..

as far as the woman who ran off...don't forget, Forrest Gump did that too..:)

1 member likes this comment.

240111-Deleted - 24 Nov, 2016 - 09:45PM

Re Yorkslass007 Comment! If you read the Guardians letter you will see he did disclose his disability to the lady before there meeting!! So she was able to make a decision on wether to meet or not!!

2 members like this comment.

The Actress - 24 Nov, 2016 - 09:29PM

I'm short sighted! Does that count??

3 members like this comment.

andy99960 - 24 Nov, 2016 - 08:49PM

In my line of work, I like be able to sift through all the evidence and exhaust all lines of enquiry. To me, something seems to be missing from this story.

As always there are two sides to every story. Reading through theguardians version of events, it seems that u went amicably around the art gallery, and it was only after u got to the restaurant that your date left. Reading between the lines which is all I am able to do, it seems that your date leaving had nothing to do with your disability else she would have made her excuses and left earlier.

Maybe theguardian, u should look closely at what u said or did to your date that made here leave suddenly. To imply that she left due to yr disability does not seem right to me.

I also note that u have subsequently posted information on here, for all to read, that yr date has told u in confidence.

I find this a shocking betrayal of something told to u in confidence, and far far worse than implying that your date left due to yr disability.

13 members like this comment.

1107119-Deleted - 24 Nov, 2016 - 04:20PM

To all you worried opinionated people the woman in question is a very good friend of mine and she never left because of his disability the moment she turned up he insulted her and things never improve from there.This man then went on to write a comment about things she had told him in confidence which to me makes him a very nasty person there are things about him which if I disclosed I'm sure wound put off a lot of women on here .You are all to quick to judge her without knowing the facts shame on you.

8 members like this comment.

sferena - 24 Nov, 2016 - 03:52PM

It's about communication, I agree, but sadly the key element to it is missed from time to time because of others' expectations, how we perceive their expectations in relation to our labeled weaknesses and strengths, and what is imposed as acceptable. For fear of judgement we lie about, hide or omit what could be our true essence. No one is perfect and who said 'perfection' is perfect? It's all about perspective, not perfection.

2 members like this comment.

1089186-Deleted - 24 Nov, 2016 - 03:50PM

It is a really tough one. Disclosing early, e.g. profile, means that potential 'good matches', who may otherwise be really nice people with good values, may right you off because of prejudice before even allowing themselves to get to know you. It is hard enough for women to separate the wheat from the chaff (from their perspective) without adding the hurdle of prejudice due to ignorance. Thing is, most people/women don't know somebody who is hearing impaired. Even those that do wouldn't equate that attribute with the 'man they imagine they are looking for'. Some may be able to see straight past that and not consider it relevant (especially if they've known a hot chap who happened to have hearing problems). Most won't. That said, I do think that once you have the tendrils of a relationships, have been chatting, you should disclose. You can then disavow them of any wrong assumptions and avoid awkward experiences/ruined dates. Plus you'll be being honest and open.

1 member likes this comment.

Annaverylondon - 24 Nov, 2016 - 02:48PM

What a ridiculous, rude and sheepish woman! It was probably good she showed you her true colours earlier rather than later!

Personally I prefer knowing as much as possible form an early start. If someone is wheelchair bound, I'd want to know this in the beginning so that we could discuss the ins and outs of how things can proceed and how we can take it with a pinch of salt and humour too.

A disability such as hearing is not a big problem but it helps to choose a place that's not too noisy for the first date. Forget busy restaurants!

Good Luck in your search! And spit it out :)

1 member likes this comment.

mipaulac - 24 Nov, 2016 - 12:31PM

Unfortunately when something like this happens it just emphasises your awarness of your disability ......but as some of the lovely comments and subsequent events show there is some magnanimous sentiment but most of us are here for deceit so the underlying attitude is not great ...leading to unpleasant behaviour!!!!

ExoticOrchid - 24 Nov, 2016 - 09:54AM

yorkslass007 - 23 Nov, 2016 - 10:26PM

"like to have been told before I went to meet of the disability then I could decide wether I would like to meet.. "

Looks like you missed reading this part in your haste to condemn others my dear:

" I had disclosed my hearing loss to her before the date via text"

4 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 24 Nov, 2016 - 07:16AM

It just goes to show that communication is the key. A lesson learnt here, to try to be considerate of other's feelings too or they might end up with negative experiences. Glad the postwriter hasn't been hurt after all X

3 members like this comment.

2020j - 23 Nov, 2016 - 10:45PM

This lady was extremely rude and insensitive and you should never treat anybody like that. Hearing impairment would not bother me at all as i try not to be superficial and like to get to know people fully.

Your better off without her, its her loss. I'm sure there are plenty of decent women on here, and i include myself amongst them who would love an IE with you. Be bold and mention it on your profile, then the ladies that engage with you are fully aware from the start.

3 members like this comment.

yorkslass007 - 23 Nov, 2016 - 10:26PM

Hey why is everyone ganging up on this poor lady like the earlier message from another member there is always two sides to every story ... it's not who gets in their first with their sob story! I myself have a heart but like to have been told before I went to meet of the disability then I could decide wether I would like to meet.. its a good job you lot aren't on the jury as many would be hung by now !

3 members like this comment.

Classycougar - 23 Nov, 2016 - 10:18PM

I don't think you did get it wrong the Guardian!
Suspect she's just feeling guilty about the way she treated you....
You are a very trusting man... but my advice wd be to take what she says with a huge pinch of salt.
Cut yr losses honey and look somewhere else. There are lots of lovely empathetic ladies out here!!!
Good luck my friend.

1 member likes this comment.

seligman - 23 Nov, 2016 - 09:27PM

I just wanted to say that I have had several occurrences on here of women vanishing, disappearing into the virtual ether and activating the 'block' button for no reason that I can figure. I even had a woman disappear like a scolded cat upon first contact. All I'm saying is that this is a strange and unreal environment and people behave in all sorts of bizarre ways. It does make you question yourself, but I'm guessing that YOU think it's because of your disability. It may be nothing of the kind. I don't have a disability but, with those women at least, SOMETHING was wrong. But I'll never know what - maybe you won't either.

1066882-Deleted - 23 Nov, 2016 - 05:39PM

The reason the so called lady could have done a runner from the restaurant could have been nothing to do with your disability , maybe she does that to all her dates she is not attracted to for various reasons, had she finished her meal btw? I have heard of this happening before ,Women doing a runner through the back door or the quickest exit route, Not nice .

3 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 23 Nov, 2016 - 03:54PM

I am glad she has been in contact and your both off out for coffee.

I have met more 'friends' this way than overall 'dates' some have not wished to remain friends others its great we are.

Yes dates go wrong and has made me wary too, but a quick text to say, sorry I was overwhelmed, its not you its me, would have gone a long way. Hindsight a great thing, but hopefully .. as these forums are for... we have all learnt something :-)

One date I felt very very ill, and had to leave shortly after arriving. It was genuine, I said it was not him, (and text him once back home) and I was genuinely ill, I am guessing he felt it wasn't as he never contacted me again, but I know I was honest, and tried not to make him feel it was him.

Happy friendships :-)

5 members like this comment.

Teicu - 23 Nov, 2016 - 12:15PM

The guardian

Be wary I say. Funny how she couldn't mention that to you before. Just putting this out there...maybe seeing the responses on here made her realise her actions so she made contact with the. First excuse that came into her head. I'm sorry but I'm always sceptical about what people say on here. She could have quite easily told you that reason either on the night or for sometime afterwards

10 members like this comment.

1066882-Deleted - 23 Nov, 2016 - 11:24AM

Don't mention it in your profile but mention it after a few messages on here if you seem to have a good rapport together, if the person you think you had a rapport with without reason disappear s on here suddenly and without reason it s not necessarily your disability as on here it can be a number of reasons they may disappear without explanation, but in any scenario if you have something to disclose on here to a person you think you have clicked with and going to meet , mention it after a few messages.

6 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 23 Nov, 2016 - 10:42AM

theguardian - 23 Nov, 2016 - 08:48AM
"Not ready for an illicit encounter yet it would appear . "

This is one of the problems with both sexes here on IE but especially the females it would appear ... people who join a site like this without having thought through the whole thing ... please people ... think before you join ... if you aren't ready and just want online attention and flirting, then say so ... don't agree to meet up if you aren't sure.

In this particular case, I think you have been too kind and too readily forgiving ... granted she has had a traumatic life but she already knew about your hearing and you were acting normal and in a public so I don't see what should make her run off like that ... my personal opinion obviously.

2 members like this comment.

1030919-Deleted - 23 Nov, 2016 - 08:48AM

Many many thanks for all the supportive comments from folk here. Interesting to read and gave me a much needed boost of warm fuzzy feelings.

Also huge thanks to my runaway date who contacted me last night and came clean about it all. Sadly her last date went very wrong for her indeed and she felt traumatized by it (PTSD). She hasn't had much luck with men and has been a victim of domestic violence in the past. All very sad and goes some way to explain why she ran away . Not ready for an illicit encounter yet it would appear .

Anyway I've offered to meet her again for a coffee as friends and she has accepted. I also said I would post here to defuse any anxiety she is experiencing. She is very emphatic that her conduct on Saturday was due to her previous bad experience on an IE date and not because of my hearing loss.

I am sorry - I got it wrong this time.

12 members like this comment.

1103502-Deleted - 23 Nov, 2016 - 08:23AM

The lady in question sent me a message after I posted a comment and she was extremely upset by some of the comments on here, she explained what actually happened.

All I will say is that she seemed a thoroughly nice person and that there are 2 sides to every story.

5 members like this comment.

LucyLasticReturns - 23 Nov, 2016 - 06:17AM

A hearing loss doesn't define you but (& I have a friend with severe hearing loss) but there are ppl who just do not know how to react to ppl with a disability - that's just the way they are so it might not bode well to not mention it before meeting...you're giving the other person a choice then, to meet or not.
I met a man many years ago who'd lost his foot in a motorcycle accident. He never said a word until we were sitting having a coffee in his apartment and he whipped his shoe & sock off.... 'look at this' he proclaimed!...I was a tad taken aback but it didn't affect his prowess..... ๐Ÿ˜

1 member likes this comment.

mipaulac - 23 Nov, 2016 - 01:25AM

Unfortunately this site gives a licence to people like that! This thread with "a date that went wrong" really highlight the callousness and fantasy images of some individuals here. I have a very hidden diability Aspergers which makes it difficult to play the superficial game that's played here. Women in particular fall for this and are governed by emotive feelings.
Take comfort from the comments by Teicu ( Lovely comment...even though you blocked me :-))and Illicit-Lover
"Jesus I have to say I am embarrassed to be a woman here sometimes and I hope that awful woman that just walked away reads your letter and is ashamed of her actions vile individual!"
My sentiment being a man and what was done on a "A date gone wrong"

Remember you only have to be lucky once maybe twice here!!!!!

1 member likes this comment.

scarlette89 - 22 Nov, 2016 - 09:07PM

This makes me so angry! You poor man! Some people are so shallow. I hope you find some one who's actually genuine and sees past it if they stop talkin to you when you do tell them its their loss! X

2 members like this comment.

1079413-Deleted - 22 Nov, 2016 - 08:44PM

I,regard this Behaviour ,very Rude and uncalled for , as you also told her the Truth!
WE, are not born as super models none is, what ever we getting through our life like accidents , illnesses it has to be accepted , we are not immune or immortal. one day those might get something as you have , than they will be thinking bk.
ignore it , i know it hurts and is bad news but their are nice people around,who will like you as you are, after all is the personality which counts not how we look , isn;t it.

2 members like this comment.

1103510-Deleted - 22 Nov, 2016 - 07:39PM

I think you had a lucky escape! She's not worth getting upset over.

Personally i wouldn't even put it on my profile. I would wait until ive clicked with someone via email/text etc then mention it before you go on a date. At least it doesn't come as a shock to your new friend.

I worked with a young man who had complex needs, he was also mute. I was apprehensive at first but i soon gained his friendship and trust and communication came easily in the form of eye contact (yes the eyes do talk) facial expressions, hand gestures and body language. Just because you have a disibility doesn't mean you cant have a relationship.

I hope you find a genuine friend and lover who will see you for the person you are and not discriminate cos of your disibility :)

2 members like this comment.

MrsMinxy - 22 Nov, 2016 - 07:29PM

How terribly rude ... no-one in the world is perfect and if they are that heartless you really are better off without.

You sound like a nice person and clearly deserve better. I know it hurts, but try not to worry about someone like that xx

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 22 Nov, 2016 - 05:57PM

I have to agree with those who are appalled with the way your dinner date acted ... how could any decent human being do that to someone ... I can only say that you are well rid of that person!

As regards your question ... my personal opinion is that you should be upfront and put it on your profile.

1 member likes this comment.

Teicu - 22 Nov, 2016 - 05:15PM

Seriously!! She really did that?

I would say good riddance. There are plenty of women in here that wouldn't be bothered by that...why should they be?

Good luck op

6 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 22 Nov, 2016 - 04:59PM

I could understand if you have Quasimodo on your profile lol ..but a hearing loss is not really a 'disability'. I'd rephrase it and call it an impairment which you overcome.I think the 'lady' was a nasty bitch for running away. Choose someone nicer it shouldn't matter if they're attracted to you X

1 member likes this comment.

1066183-Deleted - 22 Nov, 2016 - 04:15PM

Jesus I have to say I am embarrassed to be a woman here sometimes and I hope that awful woman that just walked away reads your letter and is ashamed of her actions vile individual!

I am sorry I am ranting on your behalf when that is not what your even asking but it makes me so cross, more so as you had told her

As for when is the right time, I cant answer that other than for myself.. I don't feel you need to advertise it in your profile, but I would like to know early on.. I don't feel it has to be an issue and whilst I am not suggesting you make light of, I don't think it needs any lengthy discussion either.. For me if it progressed into a meeting, I would just want to know what you need from me beforehand.. to meet somewhere quiet initially to look at you when talking (which to be fair we do anyway) and to be a bit patient - cant see that's anything out of the ordinary about that...

We all have our imperfections too !

10 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 22 Nov, 2016 - 04:01PM

As others have said, put it on your profile, be honest with what is difficult - noisy places and what works.
For meetings noisy places are not ideal anyway.
(Many wont read your profile properly anyway!!)

There are many stages that people draw lines, profile, photograph, chatting, etc. I prefer not to have wasted time of chatting etc when something is not going to work.

There are many stories of people not being honest and it being discovered at meeting time.
Which is worse? people not contacting you? or people walking out later? or spending a lot of time to get no where?

Ultimately the choice is yours :-)

3 members like this comment.

1103502-Deleted - 22 Nov, 2016 - 12:25PM

Just do what most men do when a lady is chatting, nod every 30 seconds interspersed with the odd " yes you are right " and the occasional " hmmmm " you'll be fine.

I'm joking!! Before you all jump on me ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

7 members like this comment.

1070009-Deleted - 22 Nov, 2016 - 12:00PM

I work with disabled people and a hearing problem would not bother me at all.In fact I had a long term friends with benefits with a man who had a disability and walked with a stick having had a hip problem. We had a lot of fun and it only ended when he became too serious. However I WAS in a situation where I met a good looking guy who told me at the last minute on phone he had a disability but refused to say what it was as many ladies had simply refused to meet him. I was apprehensive but agreed to meet for coffee as we had a nice chat on the phone. When I met him he seemed fine but then a tremor became apparent - it transpired he had Parkinsons which I said he should perhaps disclose to people on the site but he disagreed saying it was a personal issue. We talked, got on well, then he stated he would not be able to meet again even as a friend as the disease meant sex was out of the question and it was very frustrating for him if an attraction was there. I advised him to be honest in the end with people.

4 members like this comment.

mistinthesea - 22 Nov, 2016 - 11:28AM

You have half the answer to this- communication is important, so you should disclose your disability on your profile and also display what you said about 'once I've got used to someone's voice and lip patterns they hardly notice I have a hearing loss at all.' That's actually amazing! Also, avoid busy restaurants and cafes. Do a bit of research on quiet places at certain times during the week. I know some people might suggest you consider a hearing aid, but I assume you may have tried this avenue and for some reason, didn't feel comfortable with it. Sorry, I don't want to sound patronising and only aim to help.

Besides, if the attraction and connection are there, the disability is only an excuse some use to get away from a date they are not enjoying. Be confident and have high standards too. Don't let your lack of hearing be a problem but a challenge. Women pick up on that and will kill to be with you. Humour also helps. Listening is more important than hearing- and that can be done with other senses.

9 members like this comment.

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Letters to Sara

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