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Letters to Sara


Hi Sarah,

I must say how frustrating it is when you are chatting to somebody via messaging (I'm sure it's the same for men and women), it's all going well and you think you might be getting on like a house on fire with them, the spark is starting to happen and you are starting to paint of picture of them personallly and physically and then when it comes to picture exchange, you get a sense of excitement to show yourself and to see who you are talking to, you hand over your password pic and then.....


I just can't get my head around why people are just not honest or even try to make an excuse as to why they just evaporate?!.

A few days later you see they are online and they are alive, you just have to shake your head and crack on.

The silence is a killer, minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days and days feel like.... you get the picture and then the paranoia sets in and you start to think that must have recognised you or they know you, or they know your other half or what's wrong with my face, does my hair look rubbish or is my ear a bit wonky (whatever the reason). We all have those insecurities whether you want to admit it or not.

We are all on the site for a variety of reasons but all with a similar goal so we should all play ball nicely. (Where possible).

If somebody is polite enough to speak to you and share pics then just respond, it takes 11 seconds to say "sorry but you are just not my type, all the best" rather than disappear into the IE wilderness.

It's just called respect and having some integrity in quite a sensitive and sometimes serious situation.

Rant over.

Play ball!

76 members like this.

Comments (100)

Sensual_Oils - 23 Jan, 2017 - 08:48PM

But it's not Internet dating though, it's finding someone equally dishonest to have extra-marital sex with and really nothing else, so frankly where's the incentive to be nice if the looks don't appeal?

Perfect moments - 10 Jan, 2017 - 04:13PM

I have had that happen to me only the other day. Got messaged by this gent ( although can't really call him a gent now ). Pig ignorant more like.
He sent his pw even though I never asked for it. Me being polite saying all the right things or so I thought and sending my pw. Not a dicky bird after that. I messaged just to see if I would get a response (I know he read them) but nothing. I had been blocked. What an idiot. Why not be honest and just say no thank you but I don't think we are suited rather than be so rude and ignorant. Men...

ExoticOrchid - 09 Jan, 2017 - 11:02PM

slitody - 06 Jan, 2017 - 03:40PM
"a lady who isn't very tech savvy and apparently doesn't know how to load a photo to this site."

Really? It's not exactly rocket science ... sounds like she is fobbing you off with an excuse ... not a very good one at that!

Passionata22 - 09 Jan, 2017 - 05:44PM


You are already guaranteed not to get in with this lady. Why? Because she is disrespecting your wish for a photo. You want one. She doesn't wish to show. This is a non runner.
And for future reference never change who you are or what you want on this site. Have the courage of your convictions

2 members like this comment.

Teicu - 08 Jan, 2017 - 04:39PM


Don't do it.... I have in the past, it wasn't pretty

1 member likes this comment.

LucyLasticReturns - 07 Jan, 2017 - 04:33PM

@ slitoday

Of course it matters what someone looks like. No matter how engaging someones personality is, attraction is not just based on the written word.

I think most of us who use or have used the Internet as a means of forging liaisons, understand at some point a photo will be requested before meeting. Blind dates rarely work even away from cyber world, this is a visual medium after all ๐Ÿ˜Š

(And if you're techy enough to set yourself up with an account/profile etc, there are clear & simple instructions how to upload photos, the site managers will even help you if you ask)

1 member likes this comment.

Tarquin Forsbury - 07 Jan, 2017 - 06:59AM

If looks are really important to you in choosing an IE partner then get the photo swap done early on. But yes ... please be polite enough to say "sorry, just not my type" if he/she is not for you. Happy New Year to you all and good luck with your search. TF xx

1 member likes this comment.

politody - 06 Jan, 2017 - 03:40PM

I've commenced messaging a lady who isn't very tech savvy and apparently doesn't know how to load a photo to this site. I would like to meet her, but would like to see her pic before we meet. Is that crazy of me ?

She seems to think that I'm treating how she looks as too important and that it shouldn't matter how she looks, I should be prepared to meet without knowing how she looks !! What do peeks on here think ?

Lilit - 03 Jan, 2017 - 03:59AM

Please, don't be frustrated! It just make the selection process easier... Silence? Clichรฉ chat-up lines? Stupid jokes? Strange choice of selfies? All those just makes filtering much easier... Thank you for those who save my time!
Happy New Year!

2 members like this comment.

Nadia747 - 30 Dec, 2016 - 12:02PM

I was chatting to one guy, and he was under 50s of age on his profile.
And I'm not interested in that age group, and I told him as it is.he went back to his profile and change the age to 50 ,then asked me for a chat a gain and I turned him down.
Turn out that I'm a liar because now he is 50s on his profile.

The problem is as soon as he called me a liar , instead of anger I now
Fall for him and I don't want to let him know yet.

What should I do?

We are all different in our own way.

LucyLasticReturns - 30 Dec, 2016 - 12:37AM

What surprises me is there is an expectation of a reply and those who don't reply are censured. The wonderful thing about Internet sites like IE is that there are no rules of engagement, most of us are here because we don't want to be 'the norm' and it's not rude or disrespectful if someone doesn't reply, it's part & parcel of this cyber world we inhabit the second we log on.
There have been times when I have replied with a thanks but not for me, only to receive a less than friendly response so now I don't reply unless all the boxes I mention in my profile are ticked (and if that means I never find anyone, so be it). I'm not here to be roughed up by message, so sorry to any man that's messaged me and not got a reply, blame those guys who just can't resist being stroppy when their advances have been politely declined โœŒ๐Ÿผ

5 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 28 Dec, 2016 - 09:36AM

FJMcR - 30 Nov, 2016 - 07:46PM
"..the best put down I have received was that I looked like her husband! I replied that it was ok 'cos she looked like my mum!"

The best one I've had, to an initial innocent [not at all rude] remark about a profile pic, was the following [with incorrect spelling] and then blocked me for no apparent reason except to his own I imagine:

"Thanks for your message but unfortunately I have a penchent for slim, long legs :("

Nowt as queer as folk as the saying goes!!!

3 members like this comment.

Nathalie7777 - 25 Dec, 2016 - 08:04AM

Just chill it happens to everyone, do not let the emotional instability of others make you loose your confidence ! it happend to me personally few times but i aint bothered as i am in touch with 4-5 lovely guys fun friends ,baby rise up this iste is full of nice peeps keep on searching u will find your shinning star ...... after 2 months here i find mine ....

2 members like this comment.

1091157-Deleted - 23 Dec, 2016 - 12:36AM

You should not expect integrity nor respect on a site such as this. People are selfish and merely do what they want, (not only here but in the real world also).

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 21 Dec, 2016 - 03:51PM

XXgirl - 21 Dec, 2016 - 10:20AM
"don't let them live in your head rent free"

So true! Great advice, thank you!

3 members like this comment.

The Actress - 21 Dec, 2016 - 11:50AM

After one 8 month liaison, l which ended in utter silence from him, I began to write to another man who was funny, witty, and wise; who made me think, as well as laugh!

Then came photo swap---to which my initial reaction was "OMG not for me; no way"!

But I gave myself the same advice that GRdes gives, and boy, did I prove myself wrong!!

He turned out to be a truly lovely man, with whom I spent all the time he had left in the UK, and with whom I now spend lovely interludes, each time he visits London. I have a long distance friend for life, and mine is all the better for it!

6 members like this comment.

XXgirl - 21 Dec, 2016 - 10:20AM

Hi. I'm new to this site and have joined with no expectations, if I meet a nice person - great, if I meet a not so nice person - accept it. All I know is that I'm a nice respectable type, and I accept others for what they are, then I don't get hurt in anyway. We're all different, so don't beat yourself up by others behaviour, "don't let them live in your head rent free". Happy hunting.

5 members like this comment.

1071071-Deleted - 18 Dec, 2016 - 11:52AM

I agree with the original letter. I think it's important to see a picture and not get completely carried away before you have done so but it's the immediate dismissal that can feel hurtful.

If you have been building a rapport with someone I think it's important to remember that fact when you look at their photo. People are not necessarily an instant visual hit or match what you've built up in your minds eye. However, if you've been getting along surely that counts for something? I've received pics I haven't been astounded by but have looked for a good point and kept an open mind knowing that some people look better in person (which I know they have not done for me). That, in combination with everything else means more than a pretty pic and no personality.

Looks are important but put it in perspective or why bother with a profile and chatting at all? One might as well have a photo and nothing else if that is the only criterion used to get the measure of someone.

4 members like this comment.

illicit_encounters - 17 Dec, 2016 - 09:33PM

Life is messed up including people. You have to decide how much messed up your life will be. If someone stops talking or responding, it's their loss and not yours. You should feel happy, how would you feel, if it way 2 months down the line.

quiet5607 - 13 Dec, 2016 - 06:03PM

Maybe we need a "You are not my type" to send the last message and make one unavailable. You'd get your answer and the other party will not be paranoid by a flood of why, why, why question. It's not you. It's me!
I must admit I almost done that. But in the end I felt the other party deserved my final dot.

2 members like this comment.

Tyne2 - 13 Dec, 2016 - 01:13PM

People who are so shallow and rude and not worthy of your time or attention. There are so many lovely people on the site who will treat you with respect and deserve your time.

Good luck with your search I hope you find what you seek,

Be kind and safe xxxx

2 members like this comment.

Ellezee1970 - 13 Dec, 2016 - 12:29AM

It's happened to us all.. I've done both, responded by saying no thanks, and ignored. Swap pic details after a couple of messages then there is no time washed if either party isn't interested. You gonna send anyway.. unless you really, really aren't bothered by appearance. I have to be attracted to somebody and 95% of people on here won't be your cuppa...

2 members like this comment.

sferena - 11 Dec, 2016 - 07:56PM

mistinthesea - 07 Dec, 2016 - 02:13PM
Oh, I thought it was only me!

mistinthesea - 07 Dec, 2016 - 02:15PM

So, on the topic, many times they don't reply because they are spoilt for choice or, like Auralistic said, you're not exactly their type. Not because they didn't like your picture, whatever that means.

1 member likes this comment.

mistinthesea - 07 Dec, 2016 - 02:13PM

Let's be honest here. Let's appreciate those who give us a reply, even if it's a rejection. This day and age where everything is done behind a computer screen, it's getting more and more common to be ignored in all areas of life. I run a business and I don't do cold calling. I contact people after they looked for me and showed an interest in what I offer. However, it's not always they get back to me and sometimes I do not even receive a simple reply of a yes or no. Hence I prefer to call when it's possible. So we have to get used to all types of rejection. Being ignored is the worst but it happens. Not saying it's right but we are not wrapped up in cotton wool. Not even kids. Once they start play school, there's a tough world out there for them too (awwww!).

2 members like this comment.

Auralistic - 05 Dec, 2016 - 02:34AM

It seems to me that it just comes down really to how people take rejection. Some of us worse than others and that applies to both sex's. Ive had no reaction after sending my password to a lady and ive had messages back saying thanks but not for me . . I always just reply and say ok,, cool no worries and let it go over my head and then i move on.... After all there are plenty of other members here who will have a different opinion of my photo and im sure as hell not ugly . .The point is, you could simply not be the type they are looking for ?. As for people just getting rude or scoring points after being dismissed. . Would you even want to go and date that person anyway ? lol . . Look on it as a lucky escape . . The decent people on the site know how to conduct themselves and as the saying goes,,The cream will always rise to the top . . . Happy hunting, , Theres someone out there for each of you regardless of if your a stunner or as ugly as sin ! . . . lol. . Chill ! . . Lifes for living !

13 members like this comment.

1100968-Deleted - 03 Dec, 2016 - 07:34PM

I have to agree with the original letter. Unfortunately I don't quite match Brad Pitt's looks but I'd prefer a 'thanks but not thanks' rather than just being totally ignored - I've put myself out there so it would be nice to at least be told 'no, but good luck'

But then I do agree this isn't 'normal' so its just the way it goes...

The best response I had recently was 'you look too clean'... I'm wondering whether I need to dirty up my profile pic and my messages as I think the normal guy thing is getting me nowhere....

2 members like this comment.

871391-Deleted - 02 Dec, 2016 - 12:42PM


Why do you view it as a put down? Have you seen a picture of him? He could be an adonis! ๐Ÿ˜Š
Maybe your retort is more offensive?!

1 member likes this comment.

1076021-Deleted - 01 Dec, 2016 - 07:57AM

I agree with every word, it is frustrating and rude. I have been treated the same way several times. I have even been blocked for having the wrong car. It would be nice for some people on here to have a bit of respect and dignity.

2 members like this comment.

FJMcR - 30 Nov, 2016 - 07:46PM

..the best put down I have received was that I looked like her husband! I replied that it was ok 'cos she looked like my mum!

12 members like this comment.

984721-Deleted - 30 Nov, 2016 - 09:35AM

I afraid I have resorted to the silent tactic now. In the past I would say not for me only to find I would get the why not and bombarded with questions. Then it becomes awkward and time consuming ..no thanks is no thanks
Sorry guys ....you need to be tough to be on here xx

5 members like this comment.

Mayitbeme? - 29 Nov, 2016 - 11:28PM

I understand your angst. It has happened to me several time. Though to be honest the worst insult for me was the guy who replied within seconds to say that I was not his type. At least a few minutes delay to show consideration had taken place would have been sensitive!
I think that you have to accept that ie exists outside the normal bounds of life. Therrfore there are many people on the site who think that the normal conventions of civil interaction don't exist. I do not agree with this premis, but many out there hold it.
So, to be on the site you need to be aware of this and grow a very thick skin.
The consolation is that the right person for you will not evaporate. So forget the runners, and focus on the positives!

3 members like this comment.

839554-Deleted - 29 Nov, 2016 - 03:45PM

RE: Pussycat67 - 28 Nov, 2016 - 07:19PM
Thanks thats a great tip..so buy the Calvin Kleins and stuff a sock inside them and i will be overflowing in dates..sorted....might have a little problem if the boxers ever come off though:)

raymond961 - 29 Nov, 2016 - 06:18AM

The same happens to me, when somebody sees my photos, ( I'm not that bad ) I don't hear a word again. Just a thanks but your not for me would suffice.

BlueEyedBombshell - 28 Nov, 2016 - 11:55PM

Hi ..I agree with Nathalie7777 below they are not worth worrying about. Try to move on. They are a strange lot on here. They want a beautiful girl but forget that they are no longer 18 and fit !! :)

6 members like this comment.

1107554-Deleted - 28 Nov, 2016 - 07:19PM

I got a picture of someone taken in the loo! Charming! Another one was an intimate pic of himself wearing a calvin klein pair of boxers with an impressive looking cock bulge underneath...hmm...certainly made me think. However just take it a no reply means not interested as far as this site goes. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it to be honest. Some folk don't want to get into message threads explaining why they are not interested - believe me it does happen. Just move on. I did meet the guy with the Calvin Klein's but didn't ever get to find out if the dimensions were actually real!

8 members like this comment.

Nathalie7777 - 27 Nov, 2016 - 08:38PM

babe they not worthy let it go you cannot cahnge others attitude ,know yourself respect yourself they are a bunch of loosers on those site but then you will meet the rare one xxxx

1 member likes this comment.

fieldoflight - 27 Nov, 2016 - 09:18AM

There's a lot to be said for the choice of picture - those pouting selfies by a 50 year old trying to be 18 can leave you feeling cold. The ones with their partner cut out but obviously there. The one of the cat.. There's also one profile picture which is pretty obviously 25 years old! Business opportunity for someone... and to think I enjoy photography :)

6 members like this comment.

clinguist - 26 Nov, 2016 - 06:53PM

It's probably that once they see your photo it's obvious they're punching well above their weight!

In all seriousness, I agree. But it's no different in real life. A little politeness goes a long, but how many times have you let someone out on the road and they don't even say thank you. I blame the parents!

5 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 26 Nov, 2016 - 11:17AM

Even when you see a photo,it's not clear. Alot of the ones I've seen are too out of focus ,just one badly taken photo,or wearing huge black sunglasses obscuring their faces like daft wally's...seriously how can men expect to meet anyone when they haven't bothered?

1 member likes this comment.

1103549-Deleted - 24 Nov, 2016 - 10:56PM

Can't really understand why the photo exchange doesn't happen within the first couple of messages - could save a lot of time

12 members like this comment.

Friend2Hug - 23 Nov, 2016 - 09:51AM

I agree with those saying you need to meet and get to know each other as quickly as possible.

We're all optimists on here, we all want the person we're chatting to to be an ideal IE, and everyone we're chatting will - presumably - be doing everything they can to the present themselves in the best way possible.

So it's inevitable that the mind 'fills in the blanks' with good stuff about someone - and so it's almost certain that the reality of someone won't match the qualities an over-optimistic mind has assigned to those 'blanks.'

That way leads to almost certain disappointment - much better to keep those blanks as blank, and fill them in with the reality of someone as quickly as possible.

6 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 22 Nov, 2016 - 06:05PM

The thing is. People get all excited about some faceless messages which mean nothing. Until you've met someone there is no relationship. Period.
It is important to get the photo thing out of the way otherwise there will be a huge amount of awkwardness after intimate enthusiastic emails with an unknown person. Hence the disappearing acts.
Don't agonuse about lack of replies. But give some thought as to why the lack of response from someone you have never met is so important to you. ..

11 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 22 Nov, 2016 - 05:13PM

Evie88 - 20 Nov, 2016 - 09:58AM
sferena - 21 Nov, 2016 - 09:58PM

I totally agree with sferena's comment!

2 members like this comment.

sferena - 21 Nov, 2016 - 09:58PM

Evie88- I don't understand how. You look so pretty!

3 members like this comment.

839554-Deleted - 21 Nov, 2016 - 08:35PM

There are some spiteful little she devils mixed in with the decent women on this site so i'm not surprised by those replies Fireworks my lad;)

3 members like this comment.

nonsensical - 21 Nov, 2016 - 03:04PM


Well, it seems like the devil you do or the devil you don't. It is a pity that some people cannot be gracious. I personally would not want to be close to someone that could be so rude. In some respects it beggars belief that they are tying to form a relationship outside the one they already have.

3 members like this comment.

1019956-Deleted - 21 Nov, 2016 - 12:39PM


Welcome to the club - I chatted with a lady recently who asked for a password which i duly sent. She replied straight away with highly appreciative comments and her password.

When I messaged her to say "Thank you very much but I'm sorry to say not my type, best wishes" - she replied by saying, and i quote "Who fu**ing asked you you c**t! You must be blind as well as stupid"!

You just have to love human nature!

4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 21 Nov, 2016 - 11:09AM

Fireworks1972 - 21 Nov, 2016 - 12:48AM

Oh dear ... as I have always said, both sexes are guilty of bad behaviour ... unfortunately.

3 members like this comment.

1103502-Deleted - 21 Nov, 2016 - 12:48AM


Just swapped passwords with a lady.

My reply was " you look lovely but sadly not for me, sorry "

Her reply " you are one ugly bastard, you won't even get far in a brothel with your looks "

The friendly side of IE ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

23 members like this comment.

1103502-Deleted - 21 Nov, 2016 - 12:41AM

I was asked for my password via VK by 2 ladies this evening, I read their profiles and decided due to distance and age they weren't for me so I politely thanked them and said they weren't for me but wished them luck in their endeavours.

Both replied. One told me to fuck off and the other said I probably had a small dick anyway! They then blocked me.

So ladies don't just think it's the men that are rude! ๐Ÿ˜€

14 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 20 Nov, 2016 - 02:12PM

I think I've been lucky as I have not had any nasty replies to my "thanks but no thanks" messages ... a few even wrote back to thank me for letting them know.

4 members like this comment.

richard123 - 20 Nov, 2016 - 01:03PM

Harlot - that is terrible, why are people so nasty!!?? xx

1 member likes this comment.

Evie88 - 20 Nov, 2016 - 09:58AM

I have a picture of me on my profile picture so only guys who like will message me (not many by the way). I am fussy but when your going to take the chance on meeting someone there needs to be attraction in both how they look as well as personality. Ive had many a guy just message me without any contact from me saying not my type??? The reply is normally on the lines of thanks for the comment....

2 members like this comment.

Organic Basket of Plums - 19 Nov, 2016 - 05:23PM

Re Sweet Chile of Mine/ "Thick Skin"

A sense of understanding could be considered a more desirable trait

Harlot73 - 19 Nov, 2016 - 07:09AM

I've had some truly horrible messages from entitled men when I've replied no thank you.

4 members like this comment.

sferena - 18 Nov, 2016 - 05:01PM

As they say, it's just the nature of the beast, people. So many times we feel attraction to someone we wouldn't if we had just seen their photo. But here, let's face it- people don't have time for a long courtship. Not only that, they don't have the energy, as they know people on this site come and go in everyone's lives. So, it's natural to act a bit shallow and choose by picture. Many times, one big loss for fun times, but for what it is worth, it is what it is- fun times and... next! So don't take anything personally on here, although easier said than done.

Ah, and just don't lead someone on for too long, ask for photos after the first chat. Some are not happy to do that but that's what this site is about.

4 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 18 Nov, 2016 - 11:59AM

The majority of people are at their most physical best when young. Photo's just don't show personality,animation and other aspects which might make a seemingly plain person attractive. Unfortunately if you're not attractive you might have difficulty with internet dating. It's a superficial world and people are even less likely to choose you for your wonderful personality on an extramarital dating site.The same people whining about being rejected probably wouldn't look twice at someone even more unattractive than them. All I can say is good thing it isn' t like Tinder where you tap 'yes' or 'no'...there would be even more bruised ego's lol X

7 members like this comment.

Clichefreeprofile. - 18 Nov, 2016 - 07:17AM

Never ever ever chat for so long that you build up a lovely rapport without having seen a picture after the first couple of exchanges. I know people say oh it's shallow etc to ask but that's me, and it's tough, that's how I do things. Anyone waiting an age before exchanging pics is just potentiallY heading for disappointment.

14 members like this comment.

1079413-Deleted - 18 Nov, 2016 - 04:49AM

I.THINK..ATTRACTION,is a major part in every ones life! Picture,some Tribes in Nicaragua,believe their soul will be taken if been photographed, its not the pictures its the personality,pictures do not tell me who u are and what u like.and what u expect! and yes, i been in this country, i rather talk to a guy than like to see his pictures,he tells me more ,in how he writes and how he smiles than any pictures i can see, if i do not not like or my instinct says other, i decline polite with
np, gl in your journey,
and that is polite and friendlie
like tonight some one came u like hard c...k i said do you know manners, the reply yes,bye
i said, good bye and gl. than blocked him,
these is some guys think they pay and treat us like garbage, and we are still polite and wish them good luck....
so why Pictures?

Rosie06 - 17 Nov, 2016 - 07:25PM

I've been blocked/had silence descend/the polite 'no thanks'.
Even had a guy say he was going to Australia for a month an would be back in touch when he came back - that was around 4 months ago, I guess he is still in the outback somewhere!!! :-).
This is the internet folks where the visual is important.
I've never asked for a password, and gone on to have great meets as sight unseen. This I've put down to the built up rapport through messaging on here.
p.s. - I have also sent the 'not for me' message as well.
Just got to grow an extra skin on here.

7 members like this comment.

Zara411 - 17 Nov, 2016 - 04:29PM

At the beginning when I have not replied back to photos as I found it difficult to upset anyone, people have been upset so I thought I should start to reply to them. when I did reply to one person to say you are a very nice person but not my type, best of luck. He replied oh so you think I need luck do you. Who do you think you are? Well I stopped replying after that. SO you see, some of you have yourselves to blame! If a person does not reply it simply means you are not their type but there is no nice way of saying it!

11 members like this comment.

1025767-Deleted - 17 Nov, 2016 - 03:43PM

I totally agree with the comments already posted on this subject... the clue to this site is surely in its title.. if you send out a blanket VK then expect replies... you initiated it... have the common decency to reply, even if it is as already suggested.

if your opening message is.. "what is your password", and nothing else, then expect a curt but polite response.!!!

if you are just here for virtual titillation then look again at the title of this site. Two or three word messaging will get you no where....
just be courteous... it costs nothing

2 members like this comment.

nexus5x - 17 Nov, 2016 - 03:14PM

so funny this just happened to me and I even said to the person if you don't like my photo just give me a polite knock back rather than disappearing, what did they do...they evaporated

Thankfully on this occasion I hadn't wasted any time on them chatting to discover the type of person they were. In future I'm going to do the photo swop thing sooner rather than later

2 members like this comment.

richard123 - 17 Nov, 2016 - 02:35PM

frustration - is when it is so tricky to unleash that bra strap!! xx

3 members like this comment.

1066882-Deleted - 17 Nov, 2016 - 02:13PM

I disappear if I don't like the pic, it's easier as some peeps don't like a polite no answer no matter how it's worded, everyone needs to lighten up and build a thicker skin on here, and with some super sensitive peeps even a polite and kind no offends, its never happened to me that someone has said they don't like my pic, but if it did I would not at all be bothered by it, I move on instantly ,and in any case it's the norm to chat to many at the same time if possible , things can move fast on here no time to fret about it, I had a barrage of abuse from one guy on here when I nicely said he was not my type etc after his pic, and now I just evaporate,yes I do have a thick skin on here but I won't subject myself to abuse .

3 members like this comment.

SoftToffee - 17 Nov, 2016 - 10:46AM

Still think a button that says "The rules of attraction are different for each person etc." If you don't like the picture / Person you press it to say no. Ok its cod, but better than being ignored. You know where you stand.

7 members like this comment.

liveforlife188 - 17 Nov, 2016 - 08:19AM

I have just recently rejoined and still finding it that a fare proportion of female members want to meet a man quite a few years younger then themselves. Writing messages to them and getting no reply back. At 62 still playing racket sports, doing gym and going out on 8 mile plus walks. Living, breathing and still got a pulse lol. Glad I am chatting to one member older than me but age restricted. I to would still like to meet someone just 2 years younger. With a fare proportion of male members to female members just finding this a bit frustrating. Female members can go for the younger model through choice. Just finding this why bother to respond and make contact. Please give me some guidance.

2 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 17 Nov, 2016 - 07:32AM

I think people are far too touchy about photo's. Who cares if someone doesn't fancy you you just have to accept it and move on. Even if someone does look attractive there might be no click. Showing your pic early on in the conversation stops disappointment and also means you don't build up a fantasy image in your head.Peopleget offended if ignored,if you say they're not your type,if you meet and there's no chemistry. Just remember if someone wants a relationship they're going to choose someone they want as you would.You cannot help who you find attractive and by looking at a picture you definately get an instant gut reaction x

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Annaverylondon - 16 Nov, 2016 - 11:06PM

For those who are sheepish enough to not answer, feel free to copy and paste this sentence:

You seem a nice guy/girl, but i don't think we are the right match unfortunately. I wish you all the Best! X

It's not so difficult!

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1066183-Deleted - 16 Nov, 2016 - 09:41PM

Ohhhhh I know what you mean and my god you have to have a pretty tough ego at times as your right it really can knock you... I am amazed at how many cowards there are on a site like this, and it really knocks you when they are butt ugly too and you start to feel there is no bloody hope !!!

The profiles that say they are polite, honest blah blah blah and they are anything but... some people just don't consider how it leaves someone else feeling.. we maybe complete strangers but some people need to man up... cowardly and a true reflection of who they really are...

ranting with ya !

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1070009-Deleted - 16 Nov, 2016 - 09:14PM

I agree withvTeicu - I have had abuse just for saying no thanks and it usually goes like this - 'You ladies heads are so far up your arses...', or 'Your profile is crap anyway'. I don't like guys behaving like huffy little boys, and believe me there are many of them!

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1070009-Deleted - 16 Nov, 2016 - 09:11PM

I am happy to show lots of body pics (not intimate ones) but I dont send face pics. Ever. Not on a site life this. My background is in IT and I am too aware of what can be done with face pics. I don't ever ask for face pics in return however.
I think you have to accept that not responding speaks volumes and of course indicates that they are not interested. You then just move on and not dwell on it. What's the point? Plenty other folk on the site! I know I have received face pics and they were not for me then my standard reply is 'Good luck with your search on the site'. Its a polite way of saying you are not for me without being hurtful.

2 members like this comment.

1787 - 16 Nov, 2016 - 07:26PM

Internet dating can bring out the worst in people

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dobadthings - 16 Nov, 2016 - 06:41PM

I think it's important to share pics quite soon. After all, if there's no initial attraction, we are both wasting our time. Twice, though, when I have said 'sorry, nice pics, but you are not my type', I have had abuse from the woman concerned. After that, keeping silent can be tempting, but I still think it is better to tell the lady that she's not my type.

Also, IE is fast-moving. Messages and alerts can flood in. We often have to leave the site in a hurry; and we all lead busy lives. So, unsurprisingly, communication can cease abruptly. Rejection and apparent rejection sting; but I think we have to put ourselves in the shoes of our correspondents and generally given them the benefit of the doubt.

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LondonSunrise - 16 Nov, 2016 - 02:26PM

I read your letter with interest. There are decent guys here I'm sure, though I've yet to meet one, but unfortunately the manners here that I've experienced are disgraceful. Either downright rudeness or the disappears, who they resurface and are shown "online". A quick "cheers but no thanks" is all it takes. People have no idea how to behave, its a great pity, even those with very wordy profiles behave the same way. I hope other females here are experiencing better manners than I have. Best wishes on finding the right person.

2 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 16 Nov, 2016 - 01:58PM

I think I've said this before (but I am getting on a bit so my memory's not what it used to be lol) but it is just plain courtesy to respond when being entrusted with someone's password.

Whether someone's photo(s) appeal or not, I *always* reply either with my password as it's only fair to reciprocate even if I may temper that with "I'm afraid I don't think we'd be suited to one another but ...."

Come on guys. This online dating business can be ego-bruising enough (see previous letters which seem lately to be very much of a similar theme) without adding rudeness into the mix. We can't all appeal to everyone, and thank heavens for that, but we can add least be nice to one another can't we?

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nonsensical - 16 Nov, 2016 - 12:08PM

I am sure that this topic has been discussed before, and pretty much the same comments arose.
I guess we (male and females) have got to smarten our act up and stop looking at this website as a sweet shop or meat market, whichever analogy you prefer.
Maybe, if we all make a commitment to understand that we are all humans, with likes and dislikes, and that we remember that there is actually another human being on the other end of the internet. Then maybe, only just maybe, we can use this website as a place to find a person of similar needs that would actually like to have an extramarital relationship, be it friend or lover, or friend that becomes lover or vice versa.

4 members like this comment.

MBM_ - 16 Nov, 2016 - 07:24AM

I totally agree about the frustration. I also say "If I am not your type just say, I do not get offended". But even then after passing over my PW I sometime get silence. Most though do say either lovely photo or sorry not my type, which is fine. I have been been blocked after giving my PW!! Some people have no idea about how to act properly, with courtesy and consideration.

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missrosie - 16 Nov, 2016 - 07:17AM

I always say if they think that much of themselves when they block or ignore you then they are so full of themselves you would have to fight for the mirror!!

Cant believe why people actually behave like this and believe me I have had my fare share.. its a confidence knocker that's for sure!!

If we were "all that" would we actually be on here ??? I doubt that very much.

When a guy asked me for my password in the first couple of messages I will say to him "lets chat see how it goes and if we decide we should meet then we will swap" this normally sorts out the time wasters from the genuine ones.

But I like to see who I am chatting to they say ( really )yeah right!!

As a couple of members have said its a lucky escape ....

I could go on :-)

6 members like this comment.

Carpediemuk - 16 Nov, 2016 - 12:19AM

Hear, hear!
Completely agree with this letter. I was recently chatting to someone and we were getting along fine, then came the request for my picture password which I obligingly gave then, nothing, not a sausage. This had happened a few times by this point so, I plucked up the courage and sent the person a perfectly reasonable message asking if it was something I had said that made them disappear or whether it had anything to do with my photos? I believe I used the words 'you can just say if you don't like them'. They immediately got back to me with the words 'okay, I'm saying', and then immediately blocked me! Why can't people just be honest in the first place? Actually, it's not only honesty but courtesy as well.

10 members like this comment.

Ladylost1 - 15 Nov, 2016 - 11:56PM

oh gosh, I have been guilty in the past of having a peek at peoples pics and then disappearing into the internet....tbh it's because I didn't want to offend, but I see it differently now...*B drops head in shame and walks away..

7 members like this comment.

Teicu - 15 Nov, 2016 - 09:49PM

Hmm interesting. I am one of those at fault. If I don't like the look of someone I have exchanged passwords with then no I won't send another message. My reason being in the past when I have replied thanks but your not my type the verbal abuse has been thrown my way. I'm not here to be sworn at...that's happened too many times before. Respect is a two way thing

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Tarot - 15 Nov, 2016 - 07:11PM

Men too are great at building visual fantasy in their heads, this is half the problem as no one can easily match a fantasy, however, the other part is just uneducated rudeness. Its a knock to the ego i guess, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. Politeness and courtesy, i find are like laughter, they lift the spirits.

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 15 Nov, 2016 - 06:26PM

bemused64 - 15 Nov, 2016 - 10:05AM
"1 A reply with 'sorry you're not my type' or similar
2 No reply whatsoever, total silence and ignorance
3 'You look nice'..... a couple more messages then nothing! Why can't they just be honest if you're not to their liking?
4 'You look good', chat, message and meet. Rare I know but it does happen!"

I have had all of the above!!!

1 member likes this comment.

1074367-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 04:55PM

Sugarfoxx, if you are aware of any supermodels please point them my way lol xx

1096352-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 03:37PM

The downside of using a website is maybe we are seen initially as commodities to poke and prod.
I have found some have little or no appreciation there is a real human being on the other end of the line. Annoying, frustrating, and lacking in common courtesy.
At this point wish IE had an anonymous ranking system on the quality of communication, like some other dating sites use.

3 members like this comment.

Wishonastar - 15 Nov, 2016 - 02:47PM

I think you've got to take a lighthearted approach as someone is bound to be chatting with several at once.You've got to see pictures and decide on the right match. It is polite to say ' sorry you're not my type' but nonetheless it can be awkward if people react badly to that. I think the right person for you will become evident and that attraction has to be felt from both sides. Someone might not be as keen on you as you think x

2 members like this comment.

Sugarfoxx - 15 Nov, 2016 - 12:47PM

I must be pig ugly cos i cant find an affair to save my life! Im almost at the point of giving in, message after message of empty promises and nothing ever happens. @raymond961- supermodels need love too!

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1066882-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 12:40PM

It's just easier to evaporate,!

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1079413-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 11:56AM

I, say as i think in the past yes ,i'm thinking what they want supermodel frigit and soon you touch her the paint falls off, but than i think , your loose , i know i am myself its not the picture, its what is inside , behind the polaroid camera , the you , the personality, so i shrug it off, or go on who ever looked at them , and write,
----im glad u did not answer, bk or give me a reply , because i am the lucky one, not to have met you , as u are very rude.
or similar: it would have been nice to say, NO THANK YOU.

2 members like this comment.

240111-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 11:43AM

Respect and integrity! There are many on this site that don't recognise those words let alone practice them! But hang on in there some of us do ๐Ÿ‘

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1074367-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 11:34AM

I know exactly where your coming from, as do a lot more people on here. Unfortunately there are a lot of people who seem to think that the site is a pool of supermodels and beefcakes waiting to be snapped up and used as a plaything. The amount of times I have experienced the same as you leaves me wondering just how many people now what this site is all about, I wouldn't mind but most need to look in the mirror themselves. I have found the better looking people are the ones who have the manners and integrity to say thanks but no thanks. Take heart in the fact that if they haven't the basic manners to be honest with you then they really wouldn't be good enough for you anyway and will remain lonely and dissatisfied. Karma gets everyone in the end, good and bad.

6 members like this comment.

captain883 - 15 Nov, 2016 - 11:08AM

Oh joy - another person who finds "lookists" a waste of space. By far the most saucy and stimulating intimacies have taken place when the imagination leads and the body follows. If people need a tiny photo to start the process then they are more than likely to be poor lovers. Avoid.

Avoid, and concentrate on those with whom you can get that deeper spark!

4 members like this comment.

1103502-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 11:02AM

Apparently I am no ones type ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

My profile picture was one of Albert Steptoe ( google him anyone under 35 ) and it was intended as a bit of fun but one woman contacted me to say it freaked her out and put her off wanting to contact me.

It doesn't take much on this site to put someone off so don't let it bother you, as far as I'm concerned it's her loss as I'm great ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

9 members like this comment.

Sugarfoxx - 15 Nov, 2016 - 10:41AM

Happens to me too, but after they see my pic they say" you look great" then the chat fizzles out. Seems some on here are just here to pass time.

2 members like this comment.

bemused64 - 15 Nov, 2016 - 10:05AM

I know the feeling as it happens one hell of a lot. Not wishing to tar everyone with the same brush (because there are some really lovely well mannered people on here) but there seems to be 4 ways to go when you share your pic:
1 A reply with 'sorry you're not my type' or similar
2 No reply whatsoever, total silence and ignorance
3 'You look nice'..... a couple more messages then nothing! Why can't they just be honest if you're not to their liking?
4 'You look good', chat, message and meet. Rare I know but it does happen!

Which of the first three would you prefer? Obviously number one as it's honest! However if you get number 4 suddenly nothing else matters ;-)
It is definitely a waiting game, if everybody like everybody it would be a very boring world!!

4 members like this comment.

The Actress - 15 Nov, 2016 - 10:03AM

I actually think disappearing after a photo-look, is a good thing!

If a person is so wound up in their own self that they would waltz off without a goodbye, or "Thanks, but not for me!", then you should consider it a narrow escape, and be glad that they revealed their true self before you got too up close and personal!

Good riddance, to all who behave in such a care-less fashion, I say!!

9 members like this comment.

1099254-Deleted - 15 Nov, 2016 - 08:01AM

I know the feeling, but knowing you are not someone's type as well might make you start thinking is something wrong with you.Me , for example, I am a very sensual and sexual person, but when some men see my pictures they say I am not their type! To me knowing is even more frustrating because you know you have the potential of being a good lover ( which I am, with all modesty) but some men don't seem to realise everyone got flaws! Saying that, I do have a type as well. I guess is like life, you have to hunt for it , but not always you will get it! So relax, believe in your potential and be happy! Good things come to the ones who wait!

6 members like this comment.

raymond961 - 15 Nov, 2016 - 06:28AM

The troube with some people on here, they expect too much.
The men want super models, the women want Mr Darcey or Christian grey.
This is the real world on this site, super models have their own Mr Darcey and Christian greys.

18 members like this comment.

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