Tag: pregnancy and affairs

“I had a baby with my lover like Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker – it’s always the ‘other woman’ who suffers most’’

* Melissa, 50 from the West Midlands had a relationship with a married man she met on IllicitEncounters.com in 2015 and the following year she discovered she was pregnant with his baby.

* Similar to Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker, her lover decided to stay with his wife, leaving Melissa to bring up their child as a single mother.

* She reveals that she’s still suffering from the emotional scars of the situation after he abandoned her for a comfortable life with his wife.

Celebrities like Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker have made headlines recently for fathering children with their lovers and choosing to stay married. But what about the women left behind – the mistresses who end up raising these secret babies alone?

Melissa*, a single mother, knows this pain all too well. Her story is eerily similar to those of the women tangled up in these celebrity affairs. She’s lived the emotional rollercoaster, faced the heartbreak, and, just like Grohl and Walker’s lovers, was ultimately abandoned.

It all began innocently enough for Melissa In 2015, she joined IllicitEncounters.com a website for people seeking affairs. “I actually wasn’t married, but I didn’t want anything serious. I already had a three-year-old daughter and wasn’t looking for a relationship,” she explains. 

But then she met George* a married man with grown kids, and everything changed. Their affair started hot and heavy, meeting regularly and even getting so comfortable that George began visiting her home. “He became a father figure to my daughter,” Melissa recalls. “It felt like we had something real.”

Then came the bombshell that flipped her world upside down. In December 2016, Melissa was feeling unwell and visited the hospital, only to be told she was 17 weeks pregnant. “I was in total shock – I had a contraceptive implant, so I didn’t think it was even possible!” she says.

At first, Melissa was set on having an abortion, but George insisted they keep the baby. “He turned up on my doorstep, moved in, and told his wife everything,” she reveals. His family was stunned, “They couldn’t believe it,” she adds.

It seemed like George was ready to commit to their new life, but it didn’t last.

Despite the initial excitement, things started falling apart. One day, Melissa came home to find all of George’s things gone. “He’d packed up and went back to his wife. I was devastated,” she says. “He promised he’d support me and the baby, but then had the audacity to ask me to keep being his mistress. I couldn’t believe it.”

George’s daughter even tried to stop him from going to the birth of their child by hiding his car keys. Though he eventually made it to the hospital just in time for the birth, George jetted off on holiday the next day, leaving Melissa alone with their newborn.

After his dramatic exit, Melissa was left to raise their daughter as a single mother. George did show up occasionally, taking their daughter to his family home, but his support came with strings attached. “He still wanted to sleep with me,” Melissa says. “I wasn’t going to be his mistress anymore.”

Like many women in her position, Melissa felt abandoned while George returned to his comfortable life. 

After some time, Melissa finally found happiness again with a man she met on IllicitEncounters.com who wasn’t married. But, George wasn’t happy about her moving on. “He actually took me to court, trying to get full custody of our daughter!” she says. “He didn’t win, thank God, but it was a nightmare.”

These days, Melissa and George are on better terms for the sake of their daughter. “We exchange Christmas presents and try to get along,” she admits. But the emotional scars from the affair still linger. “In the end, it’s always the ‘other woman’ who suffers the most. George went back to his wife, but I was left to pick up the pieces.”

Melissa’s story mirrors the recent headlines surrounding Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker. Both men fathered children with other women, only to return to their wives, leaving their lovers behind. 

Melissa’s experience sheds light on the hidden pain that often goes unnoticed – the emotional wreckage left behind when a man chooses his marriage over the affair, leaving the ‘other woman’ to deal with the fallout, often with a child in her arms.

*Names have been changed

Like Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker’s lovers, women having affairs fear pregnancy drama

The key findings

* News that Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl cheated on his wife and fathered a baby with his lover has sent shockwaves worldwide.

* In both the case of Grohl and Manchester City footballer Kyle Walker, the men have decided to stay with their wives, abandoning their lovers.

* 45% of women admit that they have had a pregnancy scare whilst having an affair, and 83% of those feared being ditched by their lover if they were having a baby.

* Study conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site

Celebrities like Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker have made headlines for fathering secret children during their extramarital affairs, sending shockwaves through their marriages and their public lives. But while the world watches these high-profile dramas unfold, many women caught up in affairs are facing a very similar, terrifying reality – the dreaded pregnancy scare.

Affairs can be thrilling and full of passion, but the fear of an unplanned pregnancy can turn that excitement into a nightmare. In a recent poll from affairs site IllicitEncounters.com involving 2,000 women, 45% of female members admitted to having a pregnancy scare during their affair. Many of them found themselves panicking over the possibility that they could be carrying their lover’s child, just like the situations that have rocked the lives of Grohl and Walker.

For many women involved in affairs, the fear of becoming pregnant by their lover is all too real. While the media focuses on the chaos caused when famous men like Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker father children with their mistresses, what’s often missed is the emotional turmoil for the ‘other woman’.

One member currently using IllicitEncounters.com, who wanted to remain anonymous, shared her anxiety during a scare: “I missed my period, and my heart sank because I hadn’t had sex with my husband for months. The thought of being pregnant with my lover’s baby and having to explain that to my husband was horrifying. It was weeks of stress until I found out it was a false alarm, but I genuinely thought my world was about to explode.”

Of the women who experienced a pregnancy scare, 83% feared their lover would abandon them if they fell pregnant. Just like in the cases of Walker and Grohl, the man is often torn between his family and his mistress, and many choose to return to the safety of their marriage.

Expert comment from Jessica Leoni

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert at IllicitEncounters.com said ‘The fear of falling pregnant during an affair is very real – many women in these situations have found themselves wondering what they would do if that scare turned into a baby. Would they be left alone to raise a child while their lover returns to his wife? 

In both the cases of Dave Grohl and Kyle Walker’s drama, it’s the mother of the child born outside of the marriage who is abandoned, while the men continue to play happy families with their wives – so this really is a legitimate fear.”

Having More Than One Baby Likely To Result In Adultery

The key findings

  • Don’t want your partner to cheat on you? Stop at baby number 1 – brownie points if it’s a girl
  • 86% of adulterers cheat after having child number 2
  • Men with daughters are far less likely to stray with only 23% admitting to cheating
  • 39% of parents have affairs because they need an escape
  • Results are from a survey conducted by UK’s leading married-dating website IllicitEncounters.com

Only 14% of cheats have one offspring, revealing that stopping at baby number one could be the answer to longevity in monogamous relationships for first time parents.

What the numbers show

Results are from a 2019 study conducted on 2000 members of IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading dating site for married people.

Men are most likely to cheat on their partner if they have become bored with sex or because of the lack of sexual activity in their relationship. However, the study also discovered that men with daughters living at home are less likely to stray then men with no children at home or only sons.

The report revealed that it made little or no difference to female love cheats whether they had sons or daughters, however women were slightly more likely to cheat on their partners if they had no children at living at home with them.

The poll discovered that of all the men who have indulged in extra marital affairs only 23% of them had daughters living at home. Compared with 46% of men who had strayed who had no kids at home when their affairs began and just 31% of male love rogues who had only sons living with them.

The figures were quite different for women where the report finds that women are far less likely to stray if they have children living at home.  Of those women surveyed who have ever strayed, only 32% had children living at home. 68% of female love cheats only strayed when they had no kids living with them. Having sons or daughters living at home did not factor into women’s decisions about having affairs – 16% of those surveyed had sons.

Sarah a member on IllicitEncounters.com said ‘They say threes a crowd, try four. One baby, two toddlers and one teenager, and that’s not counting my husband who sometimes feels like another big kid. I love my family; I really do and there was a time I was very happy with my husband. We used to have adventures together, and when we had our first daughter life felt complete. It was busy sure, but in amongst the nappy changes and the sleepless nights we still found time for each other. Then came baby number 2, 3 and 4 – and poof goes my identity.

No romance, no candlelit dinners, no weekend city breaks. The only communication I have with my husband these days is to ensure the smooth running of our family schedule. That’s why I’ve chosen to have a secret life and seek out pleasure. My other man makes me feel desired again, something I have craved for such a long time. I can be Sarah – the woman, not just mum.’

Expert comment from Jessica Leoni

Spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com Jessica Leoni said ‘Want more than one baby? You’re asking for an affair. Baby number one is the Golden Child, a whole new love bubble that you can share with your significant other. If you want to have a more satisfying relationship, having one child gives you a better chance to put effort into you and your relationship.

Raising more children results in higher stress levels and less alone time with the hubby, it’s more demanding but less exciting because you’ve done it all before. Men and women are finding that having an affair is the only way to escape from parenthood and feel like themselves again.

The only exception is if a man has daughters living at home. Men are far more likely to consider their daughters feelings above their wives when contemplating affairs because of possible long-term emotional effects on their daughters.’

 

Top 4 reasons for parents cheating

Need an escape 39%

Lack of sex in marriage 33%

Lack emotional intimacy in marriage 22%

Other 6%

 

NOTES TO EDITOR

About the research

Illicitencounters.com is the UK’s leading dating website for married people and the leading authority on infidelity. With over 1.2 million genuine UK users since 2004, you’re sure to find your perfect match.

Established in 2004, we have been providing a meeting place for like-minded married and attached people for nearly 15 years. Our members have one thing in common – they are all looking for a little romance outside their current relationship. Whether that’s the occasional bit of flirtatious chat, a regular coffee date, or a full-blown affair, that’s up to them.

We’re always more than happy to talk about IllicitEncounters.com – please contact Christian Grant through the details below – but we’re not willing to speak publicly about SaraHartley.net at this moment in time.

Email: presspr@illicitencounters.co.uk
Tel: 020 7729 6098
Twitter: @cheatsafer