Your wedding vows: a central part of the big day itself. A promise between two people shared in front of the ones you love, it is a pivotal point in any marriage ceremony as you start your life together bound together by love. Many couples painstakingly research and create their own vows in order to seal their union with a selection of heartfelt bonds as unique as their relationship. These powerful words will be ingrained on the souls of husband and wife until death do us part. Or so you would think.

It may surprise you to know that loyal couples are in fact the least likely to remember their vows, whereas couples who are unfaithful can recall their vows at will. Rosie Freeman-Jones, spokesperson for IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest website for married people adds “We ran a survey asking our members how many of them could recall their marriage vows and a staggering 86% told us they could. I guess that they can be at the forefront of one’s mind when you are thinking of breaking them, or already have”. So while a wife may frown upon her husband for not being able to recall his vows, thinking he no longer values or cares about them, she should relax safe in the knowledge that his inability to quote them off the cuff more than likely means, he has no need to.

Then there is the age-old topic of adultery. One of the first accusations to be thrown into the ring blame when an infidelity is discovered: “You made a vow to be faithful until death do us part!” But actually, the action of an affair is often a cry for help following a breakdown of the other vows that have been left by the way side and ignored: respect, supporting your spouses goals, for better or worse, honouring, if all of these vows were regularly honoured, surely an affair would be less likely to happen? I’ll play Devil’s advocate and say; affairs are not the cause of a marriage breaking down, they are the effect of a continued lack of attention to the other vows promised and left to rot, the heart lingers for attention elsewhere.

*Sonia, 38 from York and an IllicitEncounters.com member tells us “I meant every one of my vows on my wedding day to my husband, I wouldn’t have said them if I didn’t. I believed we would be together forever, but as we hit our fifth year of marriage we had become completely different people and unable to move forward, we separated shortly after. I am happily dating now and I would marry again, only my vows a second time around would definitely be different, and I see that as a positive learning curve from my first marriage ending.

A lot has changed since their heritage began in the 15th century, and even though vows are often viewed as the glue that holds a marriage together, is ‘Until death do us part’ really part of the modern day marriage ingredient? More and more couples are creating their own vows and steering away from old fashion style vows, but if we take out ‘Thou shall be faithful’ are we expecting to fail, or simply becoming informed and realistic? Whichever way you view it, vows need to up their game if they are to carry the weight of their promise forward into married life and move with the times. Being aware and living in the present is essential to a successful relationship; surely if we allow our vows to stagnate and fall out of sight, we can expect outside influences creep in. Be it an affair, a distance, a lost of interest, I think the answer is to revisit and revise in order to keep them alive.

Renewal of marriage vows is another growing trend, mainly thanks to celebrity endorsement, but the benefits of reassessing the promises given to each other, is a positive way to keep vows current and valid. And lets not forget the daily promise between married couples; another valuable key action to a long lasting happy relationship. Frequently revisiting and revealing their true needs to each other as they evolve as a couple ensures that individual thoughts and feelings remain front and centre of the relationship.

Can something said once years ago really stand the test of time as you and your partner travel through married life together? We are constantly evolving as individuals, changing our tastes, needs, and goals along the way: we need to revisit our vows in the same way. You wouldn’t keep the same CV for years without updating your skills and experience, so surely your marriage vows deserve the same nurturing approach. Being proactive, rather than reactive once the damage is done is more than often too little too late. Better to stay fluid, open, and aware of your vows as you and your partner navigate life together is a key component to marital bliss.

Vows simply need a makeover.