“My husband hired a private investigator to uncover my affair – but I was too clever to get caught”

* Emma, 41, from London, has been having an affair with a man she met on extramarital dating site IllicitEncounters.com for over a year, but managed to outsmart both her jealous husband and a private investigator he secretly hired to catch her.
* Aware of her husband’s suspicions, Emma carefully covered her tracks – using fake work commitments, a second phone, and a trusted friend as an alibi – to ensure no evidence of her affair was ever found.
* With more people hiring ‘love rat’ investigators, experts warn that paranoia over cheating is growing, but even the most thorough detective work can’t always uncover well-hidden affairs.

Paranoia over cheating is gripping the nation as suspicious spouses increasingly turn to private investigators to spy on their partners. But while some uncover shocking affairs, others are left red-faced when their hired detectives come up empty-handed. 

One woman, Emma, 41, from London, discovered that her husband secretly paid a ‘love rat’ investigator to follow her – only to find nothing, despite the fact that she has been having an affair for over a year with a man she met on extramarital dating site IllicitEncounters.com.

“It wasn’t something I planned,” Emma confesses. “Joe* and I had been drifting apart for years. We were more like roommates than husband and wife. When I stumbled across IllicitEncounters, it was out of curiosity at first. But then I met Alex*, and everything changed.”

Emma’s lover is everything her husband isn’t – adventurous, spontaneous, and wildly attentive. What started as a casual fling quickly turned into something deeper, and Emma found herself falling for him. “I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself,” she says. “For the first time in years, I felt desired and alive. I wasn’t ready to give that up.”

But keeping the affair under wraps wasn’t easy. Her husband had always been the jealous type, and Emma’s sudden changes in behaviour – late nights at work, mysterious phone calls, and a renewed interest in her appearance – didn’t go unnoticed.

“He started questioning everything,” Emma recalls. “Why was I working late so often? Why was I suddenly going to the gym every day? He even accused me outright of having an affair, but I denied it. I knew I had to be smarter if I was going to keep my secret.”

She created a fake work project to explain her late nights, used a second phone to communicate with Alex, and even enlisted a friend to cover for her when she needed an alibi. “I was always one step ahead,” she says. “I knew Joe was watching me, so I made sure there was nothing for him to find.”

But Joe wasn’t just relying on his own instincts. Convinced Emma was hiding something, he hired a private investigator to follow her. “I had no idea at first,” Emma admits. “But looking back, there were signs – a car that seemed to follow me a few times, a stranger hanging around near my office. I realised what was happening and doubled down on my efforts to stay under the radar.”

Emma’s meticulous planning paid off. The private investigator, unable to find any concrete evidence of her affair, eventually told Joe he was wrong. “Joe actually apologised to me,” Emma says with a hint of guilt. “He said he’d been paranoid and that he trusted me. It was a weird feeling – relief mixed with guilt. I knew I was lying to him, but I also knew I wasn’t ready to end things with Alex.”

For Emma, the affair isn’t just about sex – it’s about reclaiming a part of herself she thought she’d lost. “I love Joe, but our relationship had become so stale,” she explains. “With Alex, I feel like the woman I used to be – confident, sexy, and alive. I know it’s selfish, but I’m not ready to give that up. I’m living in the moment,” she says. “I know it’s not sustainable, but for now, I’m happy. And as long as I’m careful, no one has to get hurt.”

Relationship experts say Emma’s case is not unusual, with private investigators reporting a surge in demand from people desperate to confirm their worst fears about their partners.

Jessica Leoni, a sex and relationships expert at IllicitEncounters.com, says trust issues in relationships are at an all-time high. “Social media, dating apps, and websites like ours have made it easier than ever to have an affair, but they’ve also created a culture of suspicion. People are more paranoid than ever, and instead of communicating with their partners, they’re turning to private investigators for answers.”

However, Leoni warns that even the best detective work doesn’t always guarantee the truth. “The reality is that many affairs – especially those conducted through discreet platforms like IllicitEncounters – are almost impossible to trace. If someone is clever enough, they won’t leave a trail.”

* Names have been changed

1 in 4 cheats have been ratted out after disclosing their secret affairs to confidants

* 77% of cheats say they’ve revealed their infidelity to someone they know, hoping to lighten their load.

* Alarmingly, 1 in 4 cheats have been outed by the person they confided in, finding the burden too much to bear.

* Best friends (34%) are the people love rats turn to when coming clean about their shenanigans, whilst talking to strangers online (22%), hairdressers/barbers (8%) and bartenders (4%) are the unlikely people cheaters trust most with their secrets.

* Study conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site

A problem shared is a problem halved, right? Wrong – if you’re having an affair. New research has revealed that confiding in the people closest to you about your affair might not be the wisest move if you want to avoid getting caught.

The study conducted by extramarital dating site IllicitEncounters.com found that 77% of cheats have spilled the beans about their infidelity to someone they know.

Historical research provided by the website shows that in 2018 just 18% of people were betrayed by the person they confided in when it came to revealing their infidelity. However, a recent poll has found a significant increase in backstabbing as now 1 in 4 people get ratted out by the very people they believe they can trust the most, proving that loose lips really do sink ships.

So, who are cheaters most likely to share their darkest affair secrets with?

Best buddies are the top pick (34%), while others prefer to keep it in the family offloading on their siblings (27%).

Surprisingly, 22% of cheats have found themselves disclosing their infidelity to strangers online, with safe spaces like the Illicitencounters.com ‘Flirt Forum’ where love rats can vent, seek advice, and spill the juiciest details without fear of discovery.

If you suspect your partner’s having an affair, you might also want to consider talking to their hairdresser or barber. It turns out 8% of people have revealed details of their affair while going for a trim, making your hair appointments more like therapy sessions, whilst 4% of cheaters have poured their hearts out to bartenders.

Emily from Stoke-on-Trent, a member of IllicitEncounters who took part in the study said, “I’ve known my best friend for much longer than I’ve known my husband – I’d trust her with my life. Talking to her about my affair was one of the hardest but most liberating decisions I’ve ever made. Her support and non-judgmental approach was exactly what I needed, and there’s the extra perk of her now being my alibi when I’m meeting up with my lover.

I know it’s risky letting people know what I’m getting up to behind my husband’s back, but the weight of my secret was becoming too much to bear and I just needed to spill the beans to someone – I can’t tell you how much of a relief it was.”

Jessica Leoni, IllicitEncounters.com’s sex and relationships expert commented, “It’s fascinating to see just how many people turn to people they know when it comes to disclosing secret infidelity, highlighting the human need for emotional support and understanding during times of turmoil in a relationship. 

Close friends often serve as a safe space where individuals can seek advice, gain perspective, and find comfort when grappling with the complex emotions surrounding infidelity. In cases like this, a problem shared really is a problem halved.

Of course, there’s always a risk when it comes to confiding such an immense secret with people you know – make sure they really can be trusted to keep schtum because you could easily see this backfire.”

Results

People cheaters are most likely to confide in:
Best friends – 34%
Siblings – 27%
Strangers online – 22%
Co-workers – 16%
Parents – 11%
Hairdressers/barbers – 8%
Bartenders – 4%
Other – 2%

You’re more likely to be a love rat if you own a cat!

*  Women who own cats are the most likely to cheat!
* The second most adulterous pet parents have fish at home
* Those that own dogs are the most loyal
* Study conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading dating site for married people in search of affairs


Turns out dogs are man’s best friend, as women who own cats are nearly twice as likely to stray!

A recent survey of 1400 female members of IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s leading dating site for married people, has shown the link between pet ownership and infidelity. 

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert for IllicitEncounters.com, has compiled and commented on the results below:

It may be an idea to vet what pet your partner owns to avoid being cheated on! 

The cat is out of the bag. Feline friends are the most unfaithful bunch with a whopping 22% of cat owners cheating on their husbands compared to any other pet parent, be warned.

And if you think something fishy is going on when your wives aren’t at home you’re probably right. The second most unfaithful pet parents are women who own fish (19%).

Female love rats that own rodents such as guinea pigs, rats and hamsters, come in third place with 16.5%.

You would be forgiven if you took your wife for a snake, as many as 15% of cold-blooded adulteress’ own reptiles such as snakes, geckos, turtles and lizards. 

Chicks who cheat that own birds at home make up 13.5% of pet parents. 

Last but not least are dog owners (12%). A woman with a canine companion is least likely to stray out of all the pet parents. The beloved pooch is renowned for its loyalty and so it seems are their doggy mums. Oh yes, you’ve been a very, very good boy Fido.

These days you need to beg the question, when dating, are you a dog or a cat lady?


Case Study

Camilla, 42, Turbridge Wells

Cat owner using IllicitEncounters.com said:

“We’ve always owned cats. I couldn’t deal with a dog they’re too high maintenance. Cats are independent and easy to take care of – does that leave more time for an affair? In a way, I suppose it does. I am a freedom seeker – I cannot stand feeling suffocated.

It’s not that I don’t love my husband but I sometimes feel trapped. Having a lover and secret life gives me that adrenaline buzz I need to feel alive.

I guess me and my cat have that in common – a life outside of the house that nobody knows about”

Results

Cats 22%
Fish 19%
Rodents 16.5%
Reptiles 15%
Birds 13.5%
Dogs 12%
Other 2%

NOTES TO EDITOR
IllicitEncounters.com is the UK’s leading dating website for married people and the leading authority on infidelity. With over 1,000,000 genuine UK users since 2004, you’re sure to find your perfect match.

Established in 2004, we have been providing a meeting place for like-minded married and attached people for nearly 12 years. Our members have one thing in common – they are all looking for a little romance outside their current relationship. Whether that’s the occasional bit of flirtatious chat, a regular coffee date, or a full-blown affair, that’s up to them.

We’re always more than happy to talk about IllicitEncounters.com – please contact Christian Grant through the details below – but we’re not willing to speak publicly about SaraHartley.net at this moment in time.
 

Email: presspr@illicitencounters.co.uk
Mobile: 07824 353986
Twitter: @cheatsafer