* The majority of married Britons say they feel lonelier inside their marriage than they ever did when they were single
* “Being ignored” – not a bad sex life – is the number one reason members cite for having an affair
* On average, members report having fewer than three meaningful conversations a week with their spouse
* Study conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site
Married – and Lonelier Than Ever
Being married is supposed to be the antidote to loneliness. For millions of Britons, the data suggests it’s doing the opposite.
A survey of 2,400 married people conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, the UK’s largest extramarital dating site, has found that 63% say they feel lonelier inside their marriage than they ever did when they were single. Not occasionally. Consistently, quietly, every day.
It’s Not the Sex – It’s Being Ignored
The findings challenge the most common assumptions about why people seek affairs. When asked what drove them to join the site, just 19% cited a bad sex life as the primary reason. The most common answer, given by 67%, was simply being ignored – not spoken to, not asked about their day, not treated as a person with thoughts worth hearing.
On average, members report having just 2.4 meaningful conversations per week with their spouse. Not arguments – those are plentiful. Actual conversations: ones where they felt genuinely listened to, engaged with, valued.
“I Feel More Known by My Hairdresser”
“I live with my husband,” says Rachel*, 44, from Leeds. “We eat together, sleep in the same bed, watch the same television. And I cannot tell you the last time he asked me how I was and actually waited for the answer. I feel more known by my hairdresser than I do by the man I’ve been married to for fourteen years.”
For 58% of members, the affair partner has become something they describe with striking consistency: the only person who actually listens. Not the most exciting person. Not the best-looking. The one who asks questions and remembers the answers.
Which Age Groups Feel It Most
The data reveals a clear age pattern. Members aged 45–54 report the highest levels of in-marriage loneliness, with 71% in this bracket saying they feel lonelier now than when they were single – the highest of any age group. The 35–44 bracket follows closely at 66%, while even younger members aged 25–34 report surprising levels of marital isolation at 54%.
Where in Britain Feels It Most
In-marriage loneliness is felt most acutely in the North East, where 54% of members report feeling lonelier married than single, followed by the East Midlands (51%) and Yorkshire & Humber (49%). London members report the lowest levels at 21% – suggesting larger social networks and busier lifestyles outside the home may provide more of a buffer.
Jessica Leoni, sex and relationships expert at IllicitEncounters.com, said: “When the country talks about loneliness it pictures an older person eating dinner alone – it never pictures a 44-year-old woman sitting three feet from her husband on the sofa, more invisible than she’s ever felt in her life. That’s the loneliness our members describe most: not no sex, but no conversation. You can be married, surrounded, and still completely unheard. People don’t come to us for an affair. They come to be spoken to.”
*Name has been changed
Results
Do you feel lonelier now, inside your marriage, than you did when you were single?
Yes – 63%
No – 14%
About the same – 23%
Loneliest Marriages by Region (Respondents who feel lonelier now than when single)
- North East – 54%
- East Midlands – 51%
- Yorkshire & Humber – 49%
- North West – 47%
- Wales – 45%
- West Midlands – 44%
- South West – 32%
- Scotland – 31%
- East of England – 29%
- South East – 27%
- Northern Ireland – 25%
- London – 21%
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