M.E.

About Me:

M.E. is designed to be adaptable for a wide range of everyday uses. Go for a walk with M.E., play with M.E. in the bath, cuddle up to M.E. on a chilly evening, or join M.E. for a nice glass of wine in a relaxing environment. M.E. can be relied upon when you are feeling a bit down in the dumps for a cheerful heartfelt comment, taken from the M.E. Manual of Reassuring Comments.
(Examples: I really like your shoes, they must be expensive; Your hair looks particularly nice tonight; ; I love your perfume, is it that new Chanel Rouge? So sorry to hear about your broken nail and Such a shame about your late cat / horse / budgie / gerbil)

As an aside M.E. knows all about pet trauma. When he was a boy (M.E.minor) his pet hamster Horace was crushed by a passing steam roller. His father MisterM.E. slipped his remains in an empty box of Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers and buried Horace in the back garden. M.E. wrote a touching note to put into the casket (box) . RIP Horace. God has a new pet.

M.E. never goes to Steam Rallies for obvious reasons.

If you want to chat, your M.E. Is programmed to respond in an intuitive like way.

When you want a close encounter, M.E. will do everything possible to make the event literally awe inspiring. Simply put your M.E. into Arousal Mode. Very quickly you will notice a response. It is likely that M.E. will become warmer and may emit a slight panting sound. If you feel a tingling sensation in various parts of your body, you should not be alarmed, as this is a natural and pleasurable reaction. After this type of usage M.E. may default to Sleep Mode. (THIS IS NOT A MALFUNCTION) If this occurs, gentle pressure on previously identified parts will quickly reactivate your M.E..

Following the close encounter(s) you should let M.E. cool by lubricating with chilled white wine.

Caution: it is not advisable to put M.E. into Sing Mode as you may be unfamiliar with the types of sound M.E. emits and your ears may ache for several hours. Similarly the Dance Mode is only to employed if you have had several glasses of wine, and do not care what onlookers may think. When you just want to talk you can easily put the M.E. into either Sparkling Conversation Mode, Opinionated Mode, Silly Banter Mode or Seductive Mode as your mood dictates.

A nice lady has enquired about DIY Mode. M.E. has had a mixed experience with DIY and often ends up missing a screw. Also when he was a boy M.E.minor's design for the above mentioned Horace's cage proved to be faulty, which ultimately led to the unfortunate animals grisly demise. The M.E. is sensitive, considerate, kind, well proportioned, a keen traveller, responsive to different types of music(except drum'n base type, which causes M.E. to whine) art and poetry and is knowledgable about cultures, religions, wine and the world in general. M.E. is not controlling and responds well to ideas and challenges.

M.E. is low maintenance, eco-friendly and self cleaning. M.E. comes in only one colour but tends to get a little more pink and then bronze, when exposed to sunlight. M.E. contains no artificial colours or flavourings.

Your M.E. is powered by renewable, clean, energy meaning that you will have no more need of batteries.

M.E. is unique, high spec and 80% more reliable than all competitors. Beware of imitations who will splutter, break down and then disappear after one encounter

Note: M.E. only works with one woman and would malfunction and self destruct, if exposed to any other.

Currently stored in a separate room, M.E. has the chance to escape for regular usage and can self transport to distant parts for the right woman user.

M.E. is non smoking, enjoys sport, is well designed, not too heavy and does not sag in the middle. Moderate amounts of food and alcohol may sometimes improve the performance of your M.E..

All parts of M.E. were made in the UK and M.E. contains no horsemeat, goat, seaweed, pigeon, offal, implants or other contaminants.

Don't miss this once in a lifetime experience. Get ME now!

Only one remaining.

(A free coffee, a muffin and upgrade to M.E. plus is included in this offer; terms and conditions apply)

Guarantee of Satisfaction:
All parts of M.E. are original and in working order. Suitable for female omnivores, vegetarians, Rastafarians and vegans.

M.E. supports equal opportunities and there are no exclusions on grounds of race, culture, religion, nail polish, hairstyles, types of perfume, shoes, accents, musical tastes (except DrumnBase) food (except garlic when close), amounts of bubbliness, or underwear.

Testimonials:
M.E. is very handsome and and lovely man. (from MUMM.E.)
I have always looked up to M.E. (from MiniM.E.)
Out of this world (from a M.E.teor)
Incredibly intelligent (M.E.nsa)
Enough silly testimonials (M.E.)

Ideal Partner:

Are you feeling neglected? unappreciated? ignored? and do those around you take you for granted and make you feel like an old can of mushy peas left at the back of the kitchen cupboard, or that George Foreman Grill, lost somewhere in the garden shed? Do you wake up during a long, lonely night asking yourself...Is this it?..what i am doing with my life? If so, why not try M.E.

M.E. is suitable for women of all types but particularly those who are non smoking, intelligent, keen on invigorating conversation, missing passion, and are in need of a reliable, well mannered, male friend.

M.E. is the ideal accompaniment for flirty or insightful banter, meals, walks, trips and breaks in the UK and abroad. Have hours of harmless fun with your M.E.

Give yourself some M.E. time and see how your life can be enhanced in various ways.

Scientifically proven tests have shown that when used correctly M.E. can increase life satisfaction by 137.4%. (No animals were used in these tests and M.E. does not approve of cruelty to creatures, not even worms, rats or spiders.)

Other Interests:

Nature, Arts / Crafts, Museums / Galleries, Gardening, Music - Alternative, Music - Classical / Opera, Music - Blues/Jazz, Music - Pop / R&B, Music - Rock, Hiking / Camping, Politics, Religion, Football / Soccer / Rugby, Golf, Ice / Snow Sports, Theatre / Ballet, Travel / Sightseeing

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