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A Coy Olive Yurt

43, London

Profile image of A Coy Olive Yurt

Married, Average body
6'0'' (183cm) or above
Looking for: Friendship, Long Term Relationship, Romance & Fun

Caucasian/White,  Non-Smoker,  Light / Social Drinker

Occupation:  IT/Communications
Education:  Bachelors Degree
Eye Colour:  Blue
Hair Colour:  Brown
Religion:  Atheist

Looking for Female between the ages of 35 and 50

Star Sign: Aries
Last Active: Hidden Profile - Status unknown

About Me:

I’m a liar and a cheat and therefore should implicitly not be trusted. I don’t drive a sports car, regularly lie about my age, voted to leave the EU and at best am only averagely endowed.

“Quite the catch,” I hear you say, but hold on. I’m afraid there’s also some bad news. When it comes to affairing (yes, that is a word) I’m very particular about who and how I’d like to meet…

Ideal Partner:

…you’ve spent too many years putting others first and yourself second. The realisation that you probably did marry in haste and are repenting at leisure has hit home and you’ve decided to do something about it. Life’s too short to mope about any longer and after all, you are beautiful, clever, funny and have areolae to die for. What’s the worst that could happen? OK, granted, axe murderers do exist, but far more likely, a bunch of blokes will try to impress you by sending pictures of their half fluffed gnarly genitals.

You join a dating site, but quickly become disheartened by the daily chore of purging your inbox of unwanted advances from unsavoury men wanting to perform unsavoury acts and you think about calling it a day, but then …hold on …what’s this? A tall (you hate short men, btw), witty, self deprecating man makes contact. There’s chemistry, rapport …excitement. He sends you a picture of a cockerel. Could this be the one? You exchange five, ten, twenty, a hundred emails, you swap pictures, he’s handsome (even if he does say so himself) The weeks become months and then it happens. He suggests a date. You arrange to meet at Charing Cross and he takes you up The Strand and by the end of the evening you’re drunk and snogging outside the pub next to some bins.

Over the following months, a passionate love affair ensues - a montage of billowing silk sheets, lovers entwining, large areolae being teased, all to the sound of Berlin’s Take My Breath Away and it all seems too perfect, but then the cracks begin to show! He confesses to lying about his age (you would never do a thing like that!), he once voted Conservative (the Tory bigot), he voted to Leave (fascist!), but worst of all he’s not giving you enough orgasms (contemptible misogynist). What should’ve been a lovers’ tiff escalates into something more serious and he says some things he shouldn’t. He tries to make amends, but your heart is broken and you cast him aside like an unwanted Sunday supplement. You’re still in love with him (despite his inherent crapness), but you shun his advances. Demoralised and down trodden, he slopes off to lick his wounds, but will always carry a torch for you.

So in practical terms who am I looking for (other than the aforementioned who shall remain nameless although the observant amongst you might have clocked the hidden Easter egg anagram in the profile name). I’ve given this a lot of thought (OK, I actually haven’t) but via some form of cunning gene editing, I’d attempt to cross Anita Arnand with Iggy Azalea. I know! I know! You’re going to say I’m being unrealistic. An Arnand with a Bruce, yes, but an Arnand Azalea cross has never been attempted before, but it’s got to be worth a shot.

Right! So just what the heck is going on here? One minute you’re browsing the profiles of potential suitors and then this!

I’m afraid I owe you and all the people who have contacted me an apology, especially the one who sent me all those beach ball gifts, Christ knows what that was about.

I’ve been wasting your time.

The thing is…

...the thing is…

[clears throat]

It turns out there isn’t another Mrs Charing Cross.

There’s only one and that’s the one I fell in love with. Who knew? (as she would say).

Other Interests:

Nature, Arts / Crafts, Museums / Galleries, Cars / Motorcycles, Gardening, Music - Alternative, Music - Dance / Electronic, Nightclubs / Clubs, Music - Blues/Jazz, Music - Pop / R&B, Music - Rock, Politics, Literature / History, Singing / Playing Instrument, Sailing / Boating, Ice / Snow Sports, Tennis / Racket Sports, Computers / Internet, Travel / Sightseeing, Movies / Cinema, Cooking, Food and Wine, Music - Hip Hop

Gifts Received Recently :

A Beach Ball A Beach Ball A Beach Ball A Beach Ball A Beach Ball A Beach Ball

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