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Don't get caught!

We recently asked our members for the best tips on keeping their activities secret. We were inundated with replies and have put together the best of them for you.

Stay safe online

  • Get a new email account and make up a name and address. It may be better to have the same provider as usual so it is not apparent that you are using another one.
  • After every session remember to go through the process of deleting all temporary files, cookies, history, forms and passwords. It may be tedious but vital.
  • Public internet access, such as at an internet cafe or library, is an ideal place to ensure you leave no evidence.
  • Don't part with your personal details until you are absolutely sure the person you are 'dating' is bona fide.

Taking it offline

  • Avoid getting caught out through your mobile phone activity by having a separate mobile phone switched on only when available. A more popular method is to have a separate simcard but the same phone and ensure numbers on that second simcard are only for IE - you don't want to text your partner in error.
  • Give non incriminating names to your IE contacts, such as a company name, or changing the name to something similar but of the opposite sex such as changing Chris to Christine, or Andrea to Andrew. If your partner does happen to snoop they won't find any suspicious names.
  • Remember that many phones store "deleted" texts so if you have used your phone for IE contact never give it to anyone else to put their simcard in, even if you have deleted everything.
  • Make sure to delete all calls from the call register and all sent and received messages.
  • Avoid communication on the weekend if your lover spends their weekends with the family. This is always hard in the first few weeks of meeting but best not to risk it.
  • And it hardly needs saying, but we will - NEVER give out a home telephone number.

The Scent of Love

  • Don't change your behaviour. Try to smell the same as you would usually, either look nice and wear perfume all the time, or never wear perfume.
  • Buy your partner the same perfume as your lover or get your lover to change their aftershave to a unisex one so you can use the same one too.
  • Strip off your lover as soon as you meet (provided this is the plan!) so no smells or marks are left on their clothes.
  • Be careful if your lover is a smoker if you and your partner are not. It may help to have an excuse ready - a business lunch at the pub, or a visit from a friend who smokes.
  • After your meeting shower without soap or with unperfumed soap. Don't come home smelling freshly soaped and shampooed dead giveaway!

Dressing and Impressing

  • Buy the same colour shirts your lover wears; make sure he only wears one of those when he meets with you and if perfume or lipstick end up on his shirt you've got one ready for him to wear home to his wife. Otherwise get your lover to bring a spare shirt or use dark tshirts which hide make up better.
  • Buy two sets of lingerie or underwear in the same style. One for your partner and one for hiding in the car for a rendezvous with your lover. Your partner won't guess which set is in the dirty laundry! Even better, throw out the second pair of underwear after meeting your lover.
  • Take your partner with you to Ann Summers to pick out some outfits... buy the outfits, and give them a shot. End up in the back of the drawer, unused? He may not enjoy them but you know full well that your lover will.
  • Keep some spare (sexy) clothes at a trusty friends place. You can leave the house looking plain and get dressed up to meet your lover on the quiet. If you build in the extra time to get changed & back again afterwards you won't attract suspicion by looking good when you go out. Of course an obliging friend is a must!

Meeting. Organise your IE life to blend in with your everyday life.

  • Be careful where you meet - you never know who may be passing by. Don't go anywhere without having a plausible explanation for being there. Always assume that you are going to get found out and have a cracking story... rehearse what you will say if you get caught and make it bulletproof.
  • For first meetings try meeting locally at a place where you can pass your lover off as someone you're interviewing for work if seen, but stay away from immediate home area.
  • Invent a 'job', part time or voluntary which will allow you to go away for days, nights, weekends.
  • Always agree on meeting times and try not to arrive or leave a venue at the same time.
  • If you have after work meetings and overnight/weekend conferences add a few more 'meetings' to the schedule.
  • Be careful with mileage on your car - it can be monitored, and no speeding, you wouldn't want any speed cameras to record your activities. If you drive anywhere out of the ordinary tell your partner you are going there for something else, just in case your car has a prang.

Plastic or cold hard cash?

  • Always use cash and save it rather than draw more every week.
  • If you need to use a credit card have a separate bank account operating out of a different address and likewise a credit card. Online credit cards like Egg are useful as they don't send paper statements.
  • If you have a trusty friend borrow their card to use for hotel reservations.
  • Always throw receipts and bills away, never have them on you. And don't forget to get rid of parking stickers from your dashboard as well!


  • If you use a hotel use a cheaper one, the bigger the hole in your finances the greater the risk of detection. A lot of hotels do day rates which can be useful for afternoon meetings.
  • Make sure that you tick the box which says you do not wish to be contacted by the hotel company, or even better, complete any forms with false contact details if you can.
  • Make sure you have an on-suite room so that you can shower afterwards and use water only. Going home smelling of soap is another giveaway.

Last but not least

  • Practice safe sex. Enough said.
  • Be careful about buying your lover presents, only buy them something they would buy themselves and never send letters.
  • Use a website for anonymity, don't risk getting caught with a colleague or friend. And always have an affair with someone who is married, so that they too have something to lose hence will maintain discretion.
  • Pick a nice nickname to call your lover. This is better than their real name just in case you call your partner by it. 'Baby' sounds better than James. "Who's James?!!" and you're in the doghouse!
  • Some people go by the rule of 'Tell No One'. Others find it useful to rope in their best friend to help with their alibi, to unburden to and ease any guilt.
  • Don't trust anyone too much and be nice - there's nothing like a spurned lover.


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