Comments (34)

1578120 - 30 Mar, 2023 - 10:08AM

I guess some people are just yearning for the past, but for a lot of us life is change and exploring the different and new, it certainly is for me!

Cleevedreams - 30 Mar, 2023 - 09:55AM

I’m imagining deep conversations about ‘what is love?’ and the psychology of men and their inner thoughts and fantasies. Men bottle their thoughts up. How do women ‘let it all out?’

1444888 - 20 Feb, 2023 - 10:38AM

surely the whole point of ie is find something different to or what we are missing from, our home life. As much as I understand how much your husband misses his previous wife, it seems unfair on you for him to be trying to 'recreate' what he had.
You are your own person with your own feelings thoughts and desires. I acknowledge that there may be similarities to his previous, but he should treat you as you, not someone else.
I have never lost a loved one, but do find myself wondering if he was ready to move on when you two married.

 3 members like this comment.

Pink Eiga - 16 Feb, 2023 - 02:56PM

Like EO, my IE experiences are brand new for me too. I seek the novel, men who I perhaps wouldn’t have considered in the past, and are certainly nothing like my husband in personality or demeanour.

 3 members like this comment.

1575958 - 16 Feb, 2023 - 01:43PM

I can't comment about any IE relationships, but no, you can't have the same relationship with someone different because they are different. No carbon copies, unless you're into twins and even then they will be different.
As part of being here is as an escape, surely you would want something different!!??

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 16 Feb, 2023 - 01:29PM

I read something many years ago which said that those who were happily married tends to re-marry very quickly ... perhaps it is an unconscious desire to have the same happy relationship again therefore perhaps the OP's husband is doing the same. As P99 points out, thirty years is a very long time to be married but for the new wife, it is not easy.

As for the OP's question ... for me, all my IE relationships are brand new ... they are nothing like each other and absolutely nothing like my ex-husband or the relationship I had in my marriage.

 2 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 16 Feb, 2023 - 11:55AM

I get that the guy in question just wants something similar to what was his currant relationship and 3 years is a long time in this climate but to be together for 30 years is something that can’t be taken lightly….he loved his wife dearly but sometimes we tend to go with what we know because it’s comfortable and it’s worked for 30 years so why shouldn’t it work again ?
It will be very difficult for him to recreate that again and for the new woman to accept ..most women wouldn’t want to do that because we are individuals and we want want our own comfort zone .. also its kinda spooky..

I think the guy in this post needs to relax a little and maybe find someone with the same qualities but not to replace his beloved wife..it’s a partnership that needs nurturing..TLC…and understanding…but maybe he’s testing the waters before he commits himself to a ‘real’ relationship which is working through his mind ..
Good luck to him .. I hope he finds his princess

 1 member likes this comment.

sungura4u - 16 Feb, 2023 - 11:26AM

It could just as simply be - he knows what he liked and wants to have what he liked - people are frightened of change or feel umcortable making changes. The key to any relationship (even here!) is good communication, maybe you just need to sit down one day & talk about what he wants from your relationship - and of course you can tell him what you want too!

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 16 Feb, 2023 - 10:02AM

As to the O.P's actual question, i think a lot of us would love to get back what we first had with our spouces, after all, we chose to marry them. But a repeating pattern can happen in affairs too. Some people will repeatedly seek and find the same type of person with whom they have the same type of dynamics with. It's usually a sweetspot for attraction. Something you recognise, like a familiar tune, that pulls you in. But it's not always a positive thing.

 1 member likes this comment.

FluffyClouds - 15 Feb, 2023 - 10:13PM

I do think you need to have a conversation with him about it and tell him what you believe he is trying to do. I'm not a counsellor, but 30 years is a long time to be together and then lose them. That had been his constant. Did he receive grief counselling? Did he remarry too quickly? Did he remarry because he was lonely? These are questions only you and he can answer by discussion. You'll need to explain to him why you think what you do. Maybe a marriage counsellor could help?

 6 members like this comment.