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IN_JAIL_OUT_S00N

33, Guildford / London

Profile image of IN_JAIL_OUT_S00N

Married, Average body
5'7''-5'11'' (170-180cm)
Looking for: Friendship, Casual

Asian,  Non-Smoker,  Light / Social Drinker

Occupation:  Financial Services
Education:  Bachelors Degree
Eye Colour:  Black
Hair Colour:  Bald
Religion:  Atheist

Looking for Female between the ages of 30 and 55

Star Sign: Taurus
Last Active: Reel him in

About Me:

And now for something completely different.

I've split my profile up into the following sections. Please feel free to read the entirety (estimated reading time of 5 minutes and 7 seconds) or skip to the bits that really matter to you.

Section 1: Don't take my word for it: what others say about me
Section 2: Introduction: for the ones who will lose interest in 10 seconds
Section 3: Introduction: for the ones who stayed
Section 4: Why am I on IE?
Section 5: Why should you choose me? Unabridged version
Section 6: Why should you choose me? Very much bridged version
Section 7 Forthcoming: What is it like being a man on IE?
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+ + + + + Section 1 - Don't take my word for it: what others say about me + + + + +

- Ranked 32nd in 'Tatler's 50 most eligible husbands' (March 2023 edition) (2022 ranking: 45, narrowly beating Matt Hancock at 47)

- "What a lovely boy" – my mom

- "Such a cute bum" - my wife

- "You are just πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ" - my first affair (not on IE)

- "Marry me?" – someone from IE who then decided to ghost me. Classic IE behaviour.

- "You're so posh" - my second affair (first IE affair), I'm really not, the seafood options just looked better

______________________

+ + + + + Section 2: Introduction: for the ones who will lose interest in 10 seconds + + + + +

Two facts about me to put up front.

First. I am 171cm. Someone asked me, "same height lying down?". I said yes but I had no real clue what she meant. Anyone?

Second. I am bald and it pretty much happened in 2021. Some of you more poetically abled women have referred to this as "follically challenged."

These two facts seem to be enough for 85.6% of you to lose interest. If that is you, thanks for rea.....

Everyone else, please carry on.

______________________

+ + + + + Section 3: Introduction: for the ones who stayed + + + + +

The first thing about me that's going to grab your attention is my accent.

In private, l am quiet, introspective and curious. As a random stranger on the train, l am soft spoken and polite. With friends, l am outrageous and wacky. As a lover I am attentive and love to give.

I work in financial services in the City but l am anything but corporate.

______________________

+ + + + + Section 4: Why am I on IE? + + + + +

Two reasons:
1) British women, by which I mean women who live in Britain, deserve better.
2) Why not?

______________________

+ + + + + Section 5: Why should you choose me? - Unabridged version + + + + +

I know what you're thinking. You want a sexy, steamy affair with a hunk. Like that hot French dude in Unfaithful that cucked Richard Gere. You don't want a short, bald dude. No, no no. The horror. What would your mother think? β€œI’m sooooooo glad she swiped right”. Sure.

So why should you choose me?

1) Because even though I have it on good authority that Henry Cavill is on IE, he has a terribly long waiting list. Just think of me as someone you can get some practice sessions in on illicit dating before you finally get to meet Henry and that legendary jawline.

2) I offer much less than other men. You see, other men will offer to ghost you; flash you with unappetising pics of their pork-swords; lie to you; waste your time; be creepy; be creepy and stalk you; pose as alphas when really they are betas; you get the gist. I do not offer this. And that is why I offer much less than other men.

3) I know what you want. You want a funny man who smells great and clicks with you and will spoil you. You want someone who can read your mind and will text you exactly when you want him to. You want someone who only lives 30 mins away for quick escapades. Someone who likes climbing mountains whilst on the beach with you and walking his cat with your dog. Someone tall and athletic with a clean shaven stubble. Someone handsome enough that you'll get wet imagining him going down on you but not handsome enough that you'll feel intimidated and jealous when you're out with him. Someone with blue left eye and a hazel right eye. Well endowed (because he has a trust fund backing him). An absolute whopper of a chopper but not too much of a whopper chopper that it hurts your lady parts. Someone who looks one-third Mediterranean, twelve-sixths Viking and 90% silver fox. Someone intelligent who can string a sentence together but not speak too much to become overwhelming. Someone who likes kissing and has more stamina than your partner at home (who whilst admittedly is good at giving a lot of orgasms, ends up directing this pleasure to himself mostly). That can't be much to ask you rightly wonder. Unfortunately, I can't offer this. But I know what you want.

______________________

+ + + + + Section 6: Why should you choose me? - Very bridged version + + + + +

- You'll always have somewhere to sit when I'm around.
- I will send you memes at random times.
- I won't take you bowling.
- I will eat lots of pineapples for the week before our meets.
- I won't kill you.
- I stopped wetting the bed when I was 12.

______________________

Ideal Partner:

- Strong women who are confident in themselves. I find it particularly attractive if you can also take the lead or take charge.

- Laughs at their own jokes. Someone to keep my on my toes regularly with their wit.

- Someone with stories to tell and something to say.

BONUS POINTS IF YOU HAVE:

- Shorter hairstyles. But admittedly longer hair is easier to pull on...

- Freckles (the more the better)

- An accent (French/ltalian/Afrikaans/lrish/Spanish/Portuguese/Polish/Baltic/Scandinavian/Scottish/North American/Russian/German/other?)

Other Interests:

Music - World

Gifts Received Recently :

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