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47, London

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Living Together, Average body
5'2''-5'6'' (157-169cm)
Looking for: Romance & Fun, See how it goes

Other,  Non-Smoker,  Non-Drinker

Occupation:  Other
Education:  College
Eye Colour:  Brown
Hair Colour:  Brown
Religion:  Agnostic/None

Looking for Male between the ages of 40 and 50

Star Sign: Cancer
Last Active: Within 24 Hours

About Me:

Charmingly grumpy since 1974. When I'm not fighting social injustice on the internet you can usually find me huffing paint or masturbating to Spanish language television.

***** I'm more likely to answer the Bat phone than respond to a Virtual Kiss so save yourself the effort.*****

Things that float my boat:

Lover of naps, Sarcasm, Cookies the size of my face, My mum, Running (outside not on a treadmill), WHAM bars, Coffee ( A cappuccino and a biscotti takes me one step closer to heaven. *Contented Sigh*), My furry friends, Live music, Science Fiction - yes, I'm a Sci-Fi geek. Star Wars original trilogy. (*Fashions a voodoo doll of Jar Jar Binks and stabs it repeatedly with a freshly sharpened HB pencil while screaming "JAR JAR MUST DIE!"), Star Trek, Battle Star Galactica, Babylon 5, V - The original mini-series, Blade Runner, etc. (Take the pee at your own risk, I'll have you in a Vulcan death pinch before you can say "Dagobah system!") Game of Thrones, Cherryade, Foo Fighters, The Cookie Monster - he da man! (We share the same views on dining etiquette.) Elmo comes in a close second, mind. Twiglet sandwiches (coz I iz well classy innit), Stephen Fry, Fresh bed sheets, Lemon Drizzle Cake (is da mofo dizzle fo shizzle!) Seafood, The PG Tips Monkey (Boy oh boy, do I have impure thoughts about that monkey!*Commences ritualistic self-flagellation*) My music collection, The smell of bread baking *sniffs air* Ahhh Bisto! Theatre, Haruki Murakami, My best friend, The British countryside, Long walks on warm summer evenings, Butt stuff, and sexual punishment by candlelight... Ok, ok, I may have put those last two in there just to check you're still paying attention.

**Relationship History** I sat next to a boy once - it was amazin'. * Hangs a "DANGER - Abandoned Mineshaft" sign on my Hoo-Ha.* ( I'm actually living with someone but we have now transitioned into the friend zone)

Things that grind my gears:

Jeremy Clarkson (Pompous twonk!), My bingo wings *waves*, People who walk slowly! Sorry girls, you know this is true - women drivers! *Pulls hair out* Myself not included of course. *Overtakes Lewis Hamilton and flips him the bird* VROOOOOM! The youth of today *Shakes walking stick and shouts 'BLOODY KIDS!'* Selfishness, Gravity (As my derrière and boobies will attest to), Spitting ( Filthy habit!) Tins without ring-pulls. Women + cellulite + white leggings = BIG NO NO. The gym - Which is probably a contributing factor to why I have cellulite and can't wear white leggings. Limp handshakes * shudders*, People who wear sunglasses indoors (Why?!) Women who cover the interior of their cars with fluffy pink stuff and have signs in the windows like "Powered by fairy dust." GRRRRRR!!!! Shopping channels, Shop assistants with attitude, Fake tan (Why anyone would volunteer to look like a radio-active satsuma is beyond me. *Shrugs*) Ironing, People who litter *scowls* Limousines (One word - TACKY! Usually seen parked up outside a McDonald's Drive-Thru, waiting for a bunch of The Only Way Is Essex wannabes to come out clutching their happy meals, thinking that they are oh so witty, and oh so droll - Sorry to break this to you, you don't, you just look freakin' ridiculous! And don't even get me started on those stretch Hummers.) People who mistake kindness for weakness, Toilets with no toilet paper, Wind chimes! You'd imagine a fairly innocuous item. WRONG. (My neighbours: AKA ' The inconsiderate FuckTrumpets at No.7' have just bought another one. Either that, or the Tin Man has taken to having an enthusiastic wank in their garden of an evening...Farewell sweet slumber... I'll miss you * Sobs*) Scrunchies, Reality TV, and the talentless oiks that appear in them. (Usually, brain dead amoebae, whose only claim to fame is that they attend premier's half-naked, fall drunken and disorderly out of nightclubs, flash their nether regions at waiting paparazzi, attach themselves like limpets to a footballer, and have starred in a homemade porno, that managed to get half-inched, accidentally on purpose, because they hid it safely away on their front doorstep, under a flashing neon sign that says "TAKE ME"!) Anklets, (Commonly sported by slightly over-weight mutton dressed as lambers. Traditionally worn in conjunction with a pelmet excuse for a skirt, an ill-fitting bra, a rose tattoo, and pair of battered stilettos - Unless you happen to be an employee of the month in a brothel or member of a chain gang, avoid them at all costs!) Handkerchiefs (You evacuate the entire contents of your schnoz into a piece of cloth only to ball it up and put the offending booger engorged article in your pocket for later?! Why? In case you get hungry?!! *Heaves* No no no no no and NO again I say! Kleenex... It's the future.) The Kardashians. (No explanation necessary.) and last, but definitely not least, Doctor's receptionists! (The job description must come with the caveat 'female despots and former she-devils need only apply'...........oh..and that little glass screen? Its sole purpose is to protect poor innocent Joe public.........from 'THEM'! p.s Whatever you do, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT make eye contact - They make Medusa look like a fluffy wuffy bunny wunny!) *Takes breath* Ahhhh, I feel so much better for getting all that off my chest!

Congratulations, you've made it to the water station!

* Offers you an energy drink and massages your shoulders* Stick with me a little longer, kiddo, I'm almost done - those electrolytes will kick in annny second... And remember, there is an 'I'll never get those 2 minutes back!' medal, a foil blanket, and an overwhelming sense of ennui waiting for you at the finish line - You got this champ!

Now to the boring stuff: Living with someone. Never been blessed with children. I'm a mix of European and Asian, with long dark hair and brown eyes, of slim build, average height, reasonably well preserved, and perform ablutions daily. Mentally stable, no prison time or gang tattoos. I'm cheekier than a back-chatting 7-year-old, not nearly as funny as I think I am, and not half as intelligent as I'd like to be. I'm discerning, thoughtful, and empathetic. I value discretion, kindness, and playfulness in others. I do not pray at the altar of Glenn Close - your Bunnies are totally safe! I'm not sad, desperate, or lonely - I love my partner, so it's important that the bounderies of both parties are respected. If you're not interested in building a rapport with me before a meeting is on the table, I'm not the droid you're looking for...

Soooo, is this the part where I attempt to woo you by showcasing my Beatbox and Pop & Lock skillz or what?!...

Ideal Partner:

I just want to find a kind, compassionate man who hates people as much as I do.
Remember, hating humanity is a passion, not a problem.

Other Interests:

Museums / Galleries, Football / Soccer / Rugby, Shopping, Athletics, Ice / Snow Sports, Tennis / Racket Sports, Computers / Internet, Theatre / Ballet, Movies / Cinema

Gifts Received Recently :

The Kama Sutra A Pair of Stilettos Mojito A Whip Nutcracker Bottle of Champagne

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