020 7729 6098 020 7729 6098
uk flag Used by over 1,318,086 genuine UK users since 2003

Letters


Letters to Sara

Picture exchange - the minute after...

Hi Sarah,

I have had quite a few instances that after exchanging picture passwords I don't feel any attraction, as I am sure there are women that are not attracted to me.I always wonder what's the best way to handle this, just straight out say that she isn't my type?Or continue the conversation a bit and then end it?
I think people appreciate honesty, but I would like to minimize hurt feelings if possible.And some of the women I talk to seem really great but there is just no physical attraction.
Any ideas or advice? 

28 members like this.

Comments (96)

Fungirl84 - 13 May, 2019 - 09:38AM

I'm quite honest now about it. I'm not rude at all but even tho looks dont really matter to me. When I've exchanged passwords with someone who has clearly lied about their age. I will say something.
If me and the person both dont like each other I also block that person. To protect myself.

3 members like this comment.

FussyFella - 10 May, 2019 - 08:16AM

Just be honest but in a kind way. If physical looks matter to you to the extent this is going to be quite a common thing, make it clear in your profile. You could say in something like: "I know it's a bit shallow, but chemistry of looks matter to me, so let's try and exchange pictures quite soon so we don't waste each other's time". Then if you do reject someone say something like "you look nice, but are not really my type, I am sure others will find snap you up".

For me looks are not that important all, and from pictures it is even harder to tell. Experience has taught me some women who are not photogenic look stunning in the flesh, and vice versa. Even more important, experience has taught me women who are not really that beautiful at all can often be sexy and amazing when you know them. I won't say I have never seen a picture and thought "no", but I try to keep it rare.

sandy222 - 06 May, 2019 - 06:36PM

We don't all like the same thing so why should we like the same person. I had a chap the other week tell me he was good looking he didn't appeal to me at all. I have foind out the hard way saying sorry you don't appeal to me opens up dialogue which I do not want.

I guess what I am trying to say is one size does not fit all.

1 member likes this comment.

leighdelamere - 08 Mar, 2019 - 06:45AM

Anyone that has been doing this for a while will have experienced the disappointment of turning up to a meeting only to discover the person doesn’t look las good as the photos they have on the site (genuine people usually look better in person).

There is a way to head this off - ask your potential partner to send you a “live” photo from their phone. You should ask for a particular pose to prove it is indeed live, for example touching their ear. And no Instagram filters.

If they get defensive then they probably have something to hide.

9 members like this comment.

1292545-Deleted - 01 Mar, 2019 - 08:41AM

Having had several experiences (positive and negative) on this site my feeling is that everyone should be treated with respect and sensitivity. Apart from a few grossly immature males and females who get off on flirting and flattering themselves on there, most are here because something is missing. If something is missing then there is, on some level at least, sensitivity. I have had more than one affair on here where it wasnt initially clear, from my side at least, that physical attraction was there after the initial photo exchange. After meeting, comms, more comms, connections and more meeting I have, on two occasions, been involved in very passionate affairs. The simple fact is that a picture doesnt tell you nearly enough. They are distortions of reality and should be treated as such. Of course, if you cant possibly imagine sleeping with "that face" then move on but I try to do this as sensitively as possible.

4 members like this comment.

Temping - 28 Feb, 2019 - 10:26AM

TheEmpressTheodora - 22 Feb, 2019 - 08:14PM
I have met many men who had a lot of personality but unfortunately only during email exchanges! In person, they were totally different with barely a sentence to string together.

Your example works because you were interacting with this chap in person from the start. It is different here where we do not meet the person until later. We have no choice but to make our selection sight unseen and the initial photo is the only thing we can base our impression on.

Horses for courses.

2 members like this comment.

toecurler2 - 25 Feb, 2019 - 02:38PM

Spot on. A picture hides a multitude of unknowns, why bother with a handicap. Move on.

1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 24 Feb, 2019 - 01:00PM

TheEmpressTheodora - 22 Feb, 2019 - 08:14PM

Agree that personality does count and that is why I'm of the "meet as soon as possible" school of thought. Why? Because someone can be very witty, interesting, etc, etc in chats and emails but totally different when you meet them in person.

3 members like this comment.

Honeybee527 - 24 Feb, 2019 - 01:13AM

Look at it this way, you dont any of the women you talk to anything especially if your only talking. You could say when there is an exchange of passwords ' Please be honest as will I be, if I am not your type, I wont be offended ' . If you dont find there an attraction say' thank you for sharing your password with me unfortunately I dont think that you are who im looking for right now. At least its being polite no point in stringing it along

1 member likes this comment.

1292084-Deleted - 22 Feb, 2019 - 08:14PM

In answer to those who think the best thing is to exchange pictures immediately, this is something I do not do. I used to work with a guy years ago who had gone bald in his thirties, was overweight (not massively but definitely at the first stage of cuddly) and when I first saw him I barely noticed him. Every single woman in the place (including me) fancied the pants off him on getting to know him because he had SUCH an amazing personality - and his personality simply altered the way women looked at him. The good looking guys were having hissy fits over all the women going mad for this guy. Yes, some people just do NOT do it for us but the bottom line is that getting to know them first is a good idea. Yes, there has to be chemistry but personality does count. I know this site is not about love but actually liking someone as a person makes the sex much better.

9 members like this comment.

fiveten3 - 22 Feb, 2019 - 12:36PM

Each to his own I guess. At least IE doesn't push people towards the dreaded Tinder swipe, the biggest backwards step in dating since humanity lived in caves. We need to judge people by who they are, or seem to be, as well as how they look, so the verbal stuff matters. IE profile fields could do with a tweak though. Eye colour? Religion? What about asking whether people are looking for one or more partners? It would be good if the profile got that issue out of the way.

Short of meeting I have found the single best thing to judge an IE is a phone call

1 member likes this comment.

1284502-Deleted - 22 Feb, 2019 - 11:24AM

The camera hates me, and the loathing is absolutely mutual, I can count on the fingers of just under half a hand the photos of myself that I can stand.
I'm just not photogenic, or at least believe I'm not and always think I look like something hanging of a gothic church.

In real life I'm not half as scary

I'd much rather a quick thanks but your not my type in preference to the endless silence, obviously 'phwoar' would be better, but then Id worry about her eyesight

7 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 21 Feb, 2019 - 10:28AM

What is my bugbear is even after pic are looked at and we keep chatting ,i assume the next step is a meet but no its either ignored or they just stop chatting ,i on here to MEET not find a penpal but so many men just want to chat dirty and flirt and get naked pics of you ,i can only assume what the pics are for as they obviously can handle a woman in real life ....

13 members like this comment.

1292084-Deleted - 20 Feb, 2019 - 10:04PM

I've been on this site a couple of times before and have to say although it does not happen very often, I do occasionally get a "sorry, not my type" which I confess prickles a little bit but is soon forgotten especially against the backdrop of "You're lovely or I fancy you or I think you're really attractive". Obviously I am aware that we cannot all find each other attractive. I confess I do wrestle with how to tell a guy he is not my type but I do not continue to chat endlessly if I feel I won't be able to meet and usually say Sorry but I do not feel that spark.

3 members like this comment.

allore - 20 Feb, 2019 - 08:20PM

@star7fish

So right, The camera actually does them justice!
We can all name that 1, 2, 3, and it goes on.

1 member likes this comment.

Tantalising - 20 Feb, 2019 - 04:36PM

What about posting a photo of a man's best friend his DOG ? !!

1273210-Deleted - 20 Feb, 2019 - 02:24PM

I always say "nice pics but sorry you're not my type" "I'm sure you'll find someone soon so good luck". Etc and any niceties you want to add. Of course it doesn't matter how liitle you fancy them, or they you, as there will always be someone out there who is right. We all have different tastes. Good luck.

2 members like this comment.

1277077-Deleted - 20 Feb, 2019 - 11:55AM

I’ve been a semi- professional photographer for about thirty years and one thing it has taught me is... the camera definitely lies. Some people are very photogenic but are disappointing in real life. Likewise, some take terrible photos but are stunners face to face.
I’ll never dismiss anyone based on a few dodgy photos.

16 members like this comment.

RealAffair - 19 Feb, 2019 - 08:25AM

Passionata22 - 08 Feb, 2019 - 12:33PM

Get the pictures exchanged straight away then you avoid raising hopes through long conversations.

Seductiveyes - 08 Feb, 2019 - 09:27AM

Hi

It is a difficult one as some times you don't attract to the person in the picture but after chatting you attract to the personality.

Passionata22, I see your argument but Seductiveyes also has a valuable point.
In the end it's not about looks.

RealAffair - 19 Feb, 2019 - 08:16AM

sheshe_54 - 14 Feb, 2019 - 01:48PM

"it's soul destroying when they don't like your photo. I realise there has to be an attraction. Getting a bit disheartened now"

Don't let this get you down, it is literally in the eye of the beholder.

1 member likes this comment.

amber57 - 18 Feb, 2019 - 03:16PM

Hi,
Maybe you expect to much? or you just say , " I,like your pictures , but sorry i , have a special person in my mind.

1283374-Deleted - 18 Feb, 2019 - 02:02PM

@ RealAffair - 18 Feb, 2019 - 11:59AM

I don't think I'm allowed to.

1 member likes this comment.

RealAffair - 18 Feb, 2019 - 11:59AM

Pintobeans - 15 Feb, 2019 - 11:00AM

There are some pic demanders in this thread...

Really. Why not name and shame?

5 members like this comment.

RealAffair - 18 Feb, 2019 - 11:49AM

MandyPandy - 14 Feb, 2019 - 10:20AM

Even more fun is when you recognise the man in the photo with whom you have been texting messages . Reflex blocking and being grateful you didn’t give your password first .

- But somebody has to go first! As long as it's not you, eh. Nice to see you're looking after no.1

1 member likes this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 17 Feb, 2019 - 07:00PM

Ive been on here long enough to have a quick chat and then exchange passwords and if both are happy keep chatting ,if not a polite your not my type is good enough, as sad as it is there has to be even a small hint of attraction ...my bugbear are the amount who ive chatted and shared pics with etc who talk the talk but have no intention of having a meet ,sorry but i want more and you have wasted my time ,so many times this has happened ,dreamers and pic pervs are so annoying ....

4 members like this comment.

1276157-Deleted - 17 Feb, 2019 - 07:00PM

Ive been on here long enough to have a quick chat and then exchange passwords and if both are happy keep chatting ,if not a polite your not my type is good enough, as sad as it is there has to be even a small hint of attraction ...my bugbear are the amount who ive chatted and shared pics with etc who talk the talk but have no intention of having a meet ,sorry but i want more and you have wasted my time ,so many times this has happened ,dreamers and pic pervs are so annoying ....

Smiley-Morticia - 15 Feb, 2019 - 04:30PM

I try to get photos out of the way pretty swiftly. I know pretty instantaneously whether I fancy the person or not. And generally if ‘not’, I’m very unlikely to want the connection to continue. Having said that, I’ve met two men who I didn’t instantly fancy; one I was with for a year, and we had a very lovely time and the other, although we only had a ‘dalliance’, we moved on to become very good platonic friends.
Also, I hate when I get a message from someone I’ve never had contact from previously asking for my password. A little bit of protocol and manners is nice, thank you.
Basically I think we’re all different; looks matter more to some than to others.
I try to be honest and say if there’s no attraction, but I confess it can be easier to simply ‘ghost’ them, and I have done that, and I’ve had it done to me.
It’s not a biggy; we all survive.

2 members like this comment.

pig_benis - 15 Feb, 2019 - 04:03PM

So there has to be some form of attraction. Some people just don't look attractive in photographs and they know not how to play to the camera - I had a business meeting with a woman...….I did some background work for the meeting and viewed images of her with her teams. From the Images I didn't think she was particularly attractive but to be honest, I struggle to describe in detail what attracts me so I refrain from being prescriptive. Nothing prepared me for our first meeting...……..I pointlessly pursued the professional line but you can't hide chemistry and you can only create fantasy from images. It resulted in a wonderful 12 year affair and taught me a lot.

Rene Magriite painted The Treachery of Images. Imagine each photo with the caption, "This is not an attractive person". One can have a cognitive bias and a predisposition to confuse the image with our history of relationships. As a sweeping generalisation men are initially visual and paradoxically often blinded to lasting fulfilment.

5 members like this comment.

1283374-Deleted - 15 Feb, 2019 - 11:00AM

There are some pic demanders in this thread...

2 members like this comment.

Golden Brown446 - 14 Feb, 2019 - 10:47PM

why you've received abuse is beyond me just think of the hassle you've saved yourself if they're abusing you after being rejected now!

4 members like this comment.

Golden Brown446 - 14 Feb, 2019 - 10:41PM

Hi Naughty - Embraces. Best way be polite and move on

2 members like this comment.

Golden Brown446 - 14 Feb, 2019 - 10:25PM

I think that must have been the guy playing to his strengths, could have been your trophy man ;-)

Golden Brown446 - 14 Feb, 2019 - 10:15PM

Hi Naughty - Embraces. Best way be polite and move on

1 member likes this comment.

Golden Brown446 - 14 Feb, 2019 - 10:03PM

Dear Something just like this. I guess your right I have single friends who attract women easily and have had many short relationships which don't last, I find that my depth of character and personality win every time once we began talking, I've also found that even though I've dated a person months or even years prior they come back interested and some even come back for help or advice in other matters, slow and steady I suppose.

1 member likes this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2019 - 05:41PM

Sassy_Be - 13 Feb, 2019 - 11:58PM

Good! There are some of the 'others' here though... maybe even on this thread - you never know!

1293482-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2019 - 01:48PM

it's soul destroying when they don't like your photo. I realise there has to be an attraction. Getting a bit disheartened now

3 members like this comment.

1269379-Deleted - 14 Feb, 2019 - 10:20AM

Even more fun is when you recognise the man in the photo with whom you have been texting messages . Reflex blocking and being grateful you didn’t give your password first .

2 members like this comment.

1287061-Deleted - 13 Feb, 2019 - 11:58PM

@Mittlewerk I was more refering to people who have chatted and than exchanged passwords.

2 members like this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 10 Feb, 2019 - 03:38PM

@Sassy_Be, 08 Feb, 2019 - 10:10AM

If you find a lot don't respond, that may be because sending a request for a pic password with no accompanying message or previous correspondence is felt as being rude, presumptious, making making no effort at all and just behaving like a 'picture collector' for whatever fun or other motive these types of people have.

Forgive me if I'm mis-casting you - but maybe you'll understand those that don't respond.

I am a non-responder.


5 members like this comment.

1283952-Deleted - 09 Feb, 2019 - 11:36AM

For me it's about getting on with someone. I like personality and depth...so if he can interest me then we're halfway there. Sexual chemistry and gsoh go hand in hand. Don't you agree?
I do politely say though "It's been great chatting with you but your not for me" and wish them good luck.

5 members like this comment.

1273103-Deleted - 09 Feb, 2019 - 09:40AM

After chatting I recently arranged to meet a lady and she just did not turn up, no explanation offered and silence afterwards. I was slightly suspicious as she did not want to exchange pics or talk on kik etc and did not respond to my communications via this system on the morning of the day we were due to meet.

I still went ahead as I thought she might be nervous, and on the morning busy so unable to log in. I really don’t understand what happened , her motivations or possible concerns and why she can’t at least apologise .
Very bizarre, and I shall be more cautious in the future , though I do like to think the best of people and don’t want to be assuming the worst ...

6 members like this comment.

1216403-Deleted - 08 Feb, 2019 - 11:22PM

For me best is not respond. If there is no response- that says it all.

2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 08 Feb, 2019 - 04:22PM

Sassy_Be - 08 Feb, 2019 - 10:10AM
" if you mention yoh have manners on your profile be polite and say thank you but no thank you."

Absolutely!
In fact those who put that on their profiles are usually the guilty ones ... ditto those who say "will reply to all" and never do ... errr hello?

3 members like this comment.

Passionata22 - 08 Feb, 2019 - 12:33PM

Get the pictures exchanged straight away then you avoid raising hopes through long conversations. Just say nicely that you don't feel a physical attraction but you wish her all the best finding someone lovely

3 members like this comment.

1287061-Deleted - 08 Feb, 2019 - 10:10AM

I agree sexual attraction plays a big role in this.
I prefer to exchange passwords in begining to save our times if there is no attraction.
However I do find alot just don't respond.I guess if you mention yoh have manners on your profile be polite and say thank you but no thank you.

5 members like this comment.

1274565-Deleted - 08 Feb, 2019 - 09:27AM

Hi

It is a difficult one as some times you don't attract to the person in the picture but after chatting you attract to the personality. I usually ignore the picture unless there are some features that I really don't attract to them i.e over weight, too much facial hair etc... some pictures can be so misleading so I prefer to chat first.

9 members like this comment.

Kandykane - 08 Feb, 2019 - 01:52AM

I've said politely no thanks and have had a barrage of abuse. So I guess some can't take rejection.

3 members like this comment.

Something Just Like This - 07 Feb, 2019 - 10:49PM

People put too much emphasis on looks. Sexual attraction is more than looks alone, it's about chemistry and you can not feel that until you meet. That person you rejected on a quick glance of a photo could be the perfect match for you but you let them slip through the net.

20 members like this comment.

1288416-Deleted - 07 Feb, 2019 - 05:04PM

Honesty with kindness....as soon as you know the spark isn't there you politely and respectfully let them know.

Additionally if you enjoy the chat but know the spark you'll get on meeting isnt there then please let them know...they can then decide whether or not they want to keep talking (& massaging your ego) or whether to spend their time finding someone who actually wants to meet and have a relationship.

6 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 06 Feb, 2019 - 01:30PM

I will always reserve making a final decision until the face to face meet but I do like to see what the person looks like before that ... just curiousity. It is extremely rare that I would make a snap judgement on the photo alone. However, I do find that it's the men who tend to be very quick to make an immediate decision ...

8 members like this comment.

1206560-Deleted - 05 Feb, 2019 - 02:28PM

When you arrive for a meeting and he is nothing like the athletic photo on his profile . Much worse saying no thanks at that point than via the site weeks before . Please use recent photos and not one that is 30 y out of date . Also please don’t say dark brown hair if you have white hair . Difficult to spot you in the pub .

19 members like this comment.

1273103-Deleted - 05 Feb, 2019 - 11:21AM

I would say, and appreciate people saying it to me rather than just going silent.
Hi I’m sorry I have looked at your pics and I just don’t have a physical attraction.
Thanks
Xyx

6 members like this comment.

susan104 - 05 Feb, 2019 - 06:57AM

I met a guy and his photo was lovely and he also looked lovely in the flesh but what a bore with no personality x I also had a guy I spoke to on the phone ect for a while and we exchanged pictures and I was a little disappointed as his pictures weren't as I imagined they would be but we met up and he was the most lovely kind guy ever and very charismatic so looks are only skin deep I think xx

11 members like this comment.

jan27 - 04 Feb, 2019 - 01:57PM

I met a lovely man without seeing his photo as he didn't want me to see it. When we met for the first time I thought "he's not my type" but we hit it off and, sadly, it has just come to an end after 8 years (he is moving away with his wife). He was the kindest, generous man. Not to mention a great lover. I wished I could have cloned him.

11 members like this comment.

tea_coffee_me_ - 03 Feb, 2019 - 10:48PM

MistressLouise, exactly I am not here looking for a husband, therefore I will not be looking at the person everyday, or in 20 years...

Wildeside - your profile photo is your choice, myself and others do have photographs of ourselves on there.
If you wish to show a selection, give the password in your profile...

I do not agree to say someone looks wonderful and let the conversation fizzle out...

So to summarise
- some people based on attraction only...
- some people sapiosexual ...
- some people ...

Be polite, courteous and prompt.

3 members like this comment.

Goodkitty - 03 Feb, 2019 - 07:27PM

But you say , no thank you politely , you are not for me and he comes back asking why and needs feedback . What do you say then ? Comes a time when it’s only polite to block . Persistence doesn’t change anything .

7 members like this comment.

Thaddeus - 03 Feb, 2019 - 10:13AM

For me it needs to be both - personality and looks, and the latter is not predictable, but it is an instinctive 'yep, let's meet' or 'nope, I'll pass'. Though one needs a nicer way to put it.

5 members like this comment.

1289210-Deleted - 03 Feb, 2019 - 09:54AM

Come on now! We are all supposed to be adults on here?
While respecting most peoples' need for caution and discretion re the nature of the site there is also an argument for fairness and, yes, honesty!
Once some willingness to chat is shown on both sides the fair next step is show yourself! It is one on one by that time so risk of exposure is minimal surely. Like it or not, looks matter! Not necessarily 'good looks' but something that has appeal to the other person. Bluntly, if you are unwilling to show yourself you have something to hide, period! Poor self image? Or worse. Grow up and be fair to the other person.
As a single person I have a public pic on show so anyone can swipe on. Keeping a sly advantage is juvenile.

2 members like this comment.

Honeybee527 - 03 Feb, 2019 - 01:56AM

It is difficult when after exchanging messages you feel a bit of a connection then exchange passwords then realise that you don't t find the person physically attractive. It doesn't mean that you are shallow everyone has preferences.i usually exchange passwords before getting into conversion as to not waste theirs or my own time. To make it easier for the other person I usually say whilst sharing my password 'I wont be offended if I'm not what your looking for ' or after they have shared theirs ' thank you for sharing your password with me unfortunately I dont think you are who im looking for right now'. At the end of the day there isnt an easy or gentle way to say Thanks but No Thanks

9 members like this comment.

Wildeside - 02 Feb, 2019 - 09:27PM

I am sure on IE that most men are looking for a porn star - guys, not everyone looks great in a selfie or pictures. The highlight on this website is getting the "password" I do not have any pictures on here. I used to have in my graduation gown. You can see the disappointment because they expected a sexy or maybe semi nude pictures.

I don't trust pictures, I had been sent very nice pictures in the past and when I finally met the person - they looked terrible! You're simply choosing a very good pictures of you. What happens on the day that you are actually meeting in person?

This is something that I do not like about this website. Allow people who wants their pictures to be displayed, do it. It will cut out the rudeness of many men on this site.

4 members like this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 02 Feb, 2019 - 12:57PM

Is it ruder to not reply at all than reply with honesty?

Most messages I send don't get any reply at all.

Women here must be too overwhelmed with messages to be able to reply to them all...

1 member likes this comment.

Fairyoni - 02 Feb, 2019 - 12:28PM

Personally I think photos suck ! Most are not a true representation of the person and being a nice person is more important. I only met my last IE cause he sounded nice , his pictures did nothing. We were together a year ! If someone wants to dismiss me by a tiny photo , that’s fine by me , they are obviously shallow and not my type. And no , I’m not ugly , I just don’t think looks are that important.

6 members like this comment.

1287057-Deleted - 01 Feb, 2019 - 05:14PM

if there is no physical attraction, and that is the more important criteria, then I think you should simply and kindly say so and move on - no point prolonging the disappointment. And I agree, don't just disappear, no cost to basic courtesy.
But I agree with Bereweeke, a lot more to a person than just a pretty face, attraction is a combination of personality, character as well as looks. Should not read the book by its cover. I think too much focus on appearance, trigger happy on the less than perfect appearance. you can definitely be more forgiving on appearance when you get to know the person
otherwise why not go blind!! I suggested this in jest, sadly did not go down well and lost contact, should have been more hesitant. We live and learn :-) Have been on two blind meetings and both went well. Conversely, cannot always rely on photos received, had one meeting where lady admitted picture was of her sister, said better looking , she was not wrong.

3 members like this comment.

Essexcutie - 01 Feb, 2019 - 03:54PM

It is
One of the worst things about people on here. They look at pictures and just disappear. It takes seconds to send a quick message to say, you are not my type. There is no need to be rude.

5 members like this comment.

dejavu_again - 01 Feb, 2019 - 02:37PM

The polite approach is to say they look great and then let the conversation fizzle out naturally over the next few messages or find some other reason to decline... 'oh you're not free every third Sunday notwithstanding religious holidays? Well that will never work...'

Pictures on here are never the best, they lose something in uploading and often you need to consider what you're not seeing, eg someone with pics showing them only above chest height are usually larger than they say, distance distorts height etc...

1276157-Deleted - 01 Feb, 2019 - 01:56PM

I always try to be polite ,usually saying thanks but your not my type or that im already involved and dont have time for anyone else (which happens to be true )

Iwonderif72? - 01 Feb, 2019 - 12:54PM

Yes I think it depends on the circumstances- whether you have chatted before or if someone is choosing to ignore your criteria ( we write these for a reason- and i think men don't realise how many 'I look younger than I am', 'Much better in person', 'Well-endowed' etc... replies we get.

So- if you have chatted a nice polite message and a good luck seems fair, other ones who are trying to push your criteria or change your mind I'm less likely to respond to.

I don't want a husband- I want a man I am sexually attracted to (sorry- just being honest!)

3 members like this comment.

newjacobite - 01 Feb, 2019 - 10:50AM

I tend to look on the positive side, i.e. could I be attracted to the person if we met and they floated my boat with their personality? Because I've found over the years that a person's personality can definitely influence the physical attraction you feel for them. Having said that, you do also sometimes feel a definite no when you see a photo. Either way, either on seeing the photo or meeting up, honesty is the best and most respectful policy - you should say that they are simply not your type, or there's no spark, gently but firmely and wish them all the best in their search. To either carry on chatting and then stop, or "disappear" immediately is rude and disrespectful - we're all taking a chance on here, putting ourselves in a potentially vulnerable position, surely we can at least be nice to each other?

Tantalising - 01 Feb, 2019 - 09:36AM

Why not say something along the lines Your profile has more appeal for me than your photos

2 members like this comment.

Hattie 50 - 01 Feb, 2019 - 07:56AM

It’s better to be honest, in a positive way though.

3 members like this comment.

1291182-Deleted - 31 Jan, 2019 - 10:34PM

I think it best to be kindly and unpatronisingly honest. I think sudden disappearance is disrespectful.

5 members like this comment.

Perfect moments - 31 Jan, 2019 - 09:07PM

I personally think that it's best to get the photo exchange out of the way early on.
If there isn't an attraction for me then I am polite and say....I am sorry but I don't think we would be suited. I wish you all the very best in your search.
There is no need to just disappear or be rude.

10 members like this comment.

1126831-Deleted - 31 Jan, 2019 - 07:17PM

I personally think that if you've bewn getting on with them then why not meet them. A photo sometimes doesn't show a true person. You'd be surprised whwn you meet that person you just click. It's happened to me

2 members like this comment.

getfun - 31 Jan, 2019 - 04:24PM

I'm not here looking for a supermodel, looks do not matter what matters is the chemistry.
So please only ladies who don't care too much about looks, and are after that missing piece are welcome.

1250153-Deleted - 31 Jan, 2019 - 02:51PM

Its difficult
Attraction is an instinctive thing for me
I need a physical attraction and do appreciate that works both ways
Im honest not to waste time
If there have been nice messages before i say your lovely and I've enjoyed chatting but no physical attraction for me good luck

If someone just messages with a pw then its just thank you but no physical attraction

Often men come back with variations of "but if you meet me Im better in RL or funny or good in bed etc "

But i dont have the time or want to meet someone who doesn't physically appeal...im not looking for a lovely friend for nice chats .im looking for a lover (some intelligent conversation is still required ) for adult fun
For me those that clearly read but gnored my specific preferences and persist in pushing it i ignore or block

7 members like this comment.

Kubixia - 31 Jan, 2019 - 11:11AM

Oh I’m completely spineless and ALL about avoiding this. If I don’t ghost I might just become far too busy to ever meet, or message regularly. And then when I do I’m a hyper dull corespondent and let the conversation naturally die.

Mark503 - 31 Jan, 2019 - 10:17AM

It’s good to see there are others here who consider people’s feelings. I would suggest a simple reply along the lines of “Thanks but you are not my type. Good luck. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon”, it’s a little deflating (I know from experience), but much better than total silence or worst still immediately blocking for no other reason. (I’ve experienced both of them too). By the way I’ve also had positive responses so it’s definitely a case of beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

tea_coffee_me_ - 31 Jan, 2019 - 09:34AM

Bereweeke - Completely agree.

I started to throw out an age restriction, how people look on photos as many are not photogenic and other factors.
As a result I have met some great people and had some wonderful times.
Personality and rapport are very important especially if 'things' do not go to plan.

I am rejected many many times on photo even though we have had lots of great messages.
One because I was not blond! another as I did not have my hair down, very superficial so narrow escape.

Meeting is the only way to find out the right person for you.
Sometimes great messages, however after meeting I am not what people are looking for. Fair enough.

1) Maybe broaden your criteria, not everyone has professional photos
2) if so reply as soon as possible and be polite... the waiting for a reply and lack of them is annoying

2 members like this comment.

1289164-Deleted - 31 Jan, 2019 - 08:44AM

Why not do what most do and just don't reply at all and then block them?
Or has my experience been un-typical....

kayjason - 30 Jan, 2019 - 11:12PM

i'm really not concerned about looks personally and would rather spend time seeing if there is a connection or spark. I don't ask for access to photos at all, the liaisons that i've had have been based on great conversations and a strong connection. Not everyone feels the same way though.

1 member likes this comment.

1279258-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 11:01PM

I had some ‘lovely ‘ woman block me the moment she got my password.. I tried to brush it off but it was quite hurtful.. however another lady said that she reminded her of her brother which let me down much more gently! Another said we were not a match which was fine also.. there is no excuse for rudeness and auire honestly the blocker woman clearly would have not made a considerate lover.. maybe that’s why she was looking 😜

1279258-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 11:01PM

I had some ‘lovely ‘ woman block me the moment she got my password.. I tried to brush it off but it was quite hurtful.. however another lady said that she reminded her of her brother which let me down much more gently! Another said we were not a match which was fine also.. there is no excuse for rudeness and auire honestly the blocker woman clearly would have not made a considerate lover.. maybe that’s why she was looking 😜

2 members like this comment.

politody - 30 Jan, 2019 - 10:24PM

If it's you that was going to be rejected by a women, how would you want the women to break it to you ? what approach or words would least hurt you in your opinion yet make it clear "no thanks" ?

Gymfit8 - 30 Jan, 2019 - 09:41PM

I would say I wish you well in your find but I don't feel we are matched

It's a difficult one, you can have a great conversation going but if there is no attraction, it stops DEAD!! But it's people don't know how to handle it. I had a guy I gave my password to and I heard nothing, not sure what us worse, the deathly silence or a no thank you!

Tikassy - 30 Jan, 2019 - 09:37PM

I would be honest rather then stringing them along then dropping them. It's happened to me a couple of times, we have really got on really well with our chats exchanged pics and I'm told 'sorry your not my type'. It hurts and knocks your confidence but then I think if someone can be that superficial, are they someone I would want to be with anyway. Maybe on our profile write up's we should be very specific about what the person should like!

1201758-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 08:15PM

It irritates me so much that these days people make instant decisions on a person by one photo. In my experience the good looking bimbos of this world are as dull as dish water. Give people a chance, that person you reject on one look at a photo could be the perfect match for you and you lost out.

The Actress - 30 Jan, 2019 - 05:04PM

One of the nicest men I ever met on this site was SO un-photogenic that I almost, (I did say "almost") declined to meet him.

Several witty and erudite messages later I was still unsure, but it was almost Christmas, so I we agreed to meet.

3 years later, he's now retired and has moved away from London, but we're still regularly in touch, and he's become a very good friend. More like a brother, now, it's true, but if I'd allowed his dreadful photos to sway me, I would never have met him, and I'd have lost out, big time!

Never judge a book, by its cover!

1 member likes this comment.

1287756-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 04:18PM

personally I think that it is very admirable to say personality is more important and if I was looking for a life partner that's a consideration

But I'm not, I'm looking for a hot physical affair so physical appearance is very important too me

This site is fast paced and I don't have time or interest in engaging with someone who has
1. Not read my preferences and messages
2. Someone who hss eead them and ignores them
3. Someone I'm not attracted too even if we potentially match on paper
I have seen some really bad pics on here with no thought given to what others might see ...but why would you take a bad one or write/not write a profile
Im talking too all you computer generated profilers now
I'm sorry if that makes me shallow and looks focused ...guilty..... I know what attracts me and here in IE world I'm not apoligising for that
So I usually say thanks but it's a no for me
Good luck in your search
Often though it's age location height etc all specified preferences not met so

2 members like this comment.

Summerbelle - 30 Jan, 2019 - 04:06PM

My response is usually along the lines of "Thank you for your password, but I'm afraid I don't think we'd be suited to one another".

As I think it's fair and polite to do so, I always offer my password in return and wish them luck in their search.

1235507-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 04:01PM

I agree with most in that I think it's better to say straight off the bat. I know I'd much prefer to know before wasting my time chatting to someone who doesn't have any interest in taking things any further.
That said, I do find it pretty shallow that some people base a connection on a purely physical level but unfortunately that is the case with lots of members

1235507-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 03:55PM

I agree with most in that I think it's better to say straight off the bat. I know I'd much prefer to know before wasting my time chatting to someone who doesn't have any interest in taking things any further.
That said, I do find it pretty shallow that some people base a connection on a purely physical level but unfortunately that is the case with lots of members

1276157-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 03:34PM

I ve chatted to a few men got on ok but when i see their pic sometimes they are so not my type so i try to be kind but honest and would expect the same back ,saying that ive known people who have met and found the person is even better looking in person so sometimes take a chance what have you to lose ,you might miss out on the "one "

1283759-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 12:32PM

Maybe you should have gone to Specsavers

5 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 30 Jan, 2019 - 11:45AM

Best to say straight out but in a very nice way of course ... nobody likes being rejected but continuing the conversation and then going AWOL is more hurtful as well as insulting.

My personal opinion obviously!

14 members like this comment.

1118221-Deleted - 30 Jan, 2019 - 11:32AM

I say, 'Sorry, you don't float my boat. I wish you well on here' If the person continues to bother me (which often happens), I block them. Simples!

1 member likes this comment.

Bereweeke - 30 Jan, 2019 - 11:14AM

Over 20 years ago I returned to the UK after living abroad. I was in my late 30s and my friends had embarked on marriage/children etc. To the amusement, horror and shock of my family, friends and work colleagues I started internet dating. Since then I have dipped in and out of internet dating according to circumstances. What have I learnt 20 years on? Personality is more important than a bad selfie and, yes, some people are not photogenic. If you get on well with the person why not meet up and judge whether there is a physical spark?

All the best.

35 members like this comment.

Currently online:
Registered Users: 67

Letters to Sara

secure discrete friendly