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What matters more, looks or personality?

I'm conflicted. I prefer sharing my pw only after chatting to someone for a while to see if there's a connection, when there is, I've shared my pw and realised I don't find that person attractive. Can you begin to like someone even if there's no attraction? I'll be honest if I don't like the look of them I prefer not to proceed.

On the flip side, say you're chatting to someone nice and you click and you haven't seen them, but you've been chatting to them for so long, but when you do you see they're not attractive but you still like them and proceed? Has this happened to anyone?


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Comments (541)

1444888 - 03 Mar, 2023 - 08:39AM

Surely it has to be both.
You can have a personality that charms the birds out of the trees, but your not my type ( as is the message I keep getting) then my charming personality does mean anything.

Alternatively, I could also look like X (enter your own look preference) but if my personality is different to yours, (and whilst opposites do attract) the chances of us being compatible are unlikely. (as I've recently been told!).

1579213 - 25 Jan, 2023 - 09:49PM

I am going to say personality, just because I look like an extra from a lord of the rings movie, dark lord side. My personality though is blinding, piers morgan style :-)

1577383 - 25 Jan, 2023 - 02:30PM

I think it depends on what you’re after or feel like at the time.

Personality always has to be king (or queen) and ultimately allows the connection that drives the purest of pleasures (or not so pure perhaps 😊).

Trust in the other is a big part of that … to feel safe to explore with each other, live whatever fantasy you have, not blowing up existing relationship etc.

Looks become relatively important if you have a set plan in mind with a fixed idea of the other person (perhaps connected to a fantasy??). Bit risky but if you find that and achieve the trust then why not - indulge I say !? Might not last too long though but does it matter if it feels good ! Will never be as good without the connection though.

Then again the inability to last a long time hasn’t prevented repeated attempts at it whenever pleasure is involved has it ?? 😀😊

Paula99 - 19 Jan, 2023 - 05:13PM


What ever floats your boat 😁

1513363 - 19 Jan, 2023 - 03:38PM

To find someone attractive you need both physical and personality connection.
In my experience I have a wider spectrum of what I find attractive physically, but I’m attracted to a more specific personality.
It is easier to describe and show your physical appearance on this site but I find it hard to discover the personality of anyone with out actually meeting them. This can take a lot of meeting to find someone suitable!
It a pity there isn’t a short cut……………….or people could be more honest!?

 1 member likes this comment.

J1on1d - 19 Jan, 2023 - 01:38PM

damn autocorrect 🤣 wish not which!

J1on1d - 19 Jan, 2023 - 01:37PM

@Peaches, said before there is no right or wrong, although on some of these forumthreads some people like to think there is!

I think you summed it up well, and Dot, Ineffect what you found was the spark, that chemistry that goes beyond looks and to some extent personality.

Enjoy it while you have it and don’t look back, run with it until it’s natural conclusion - which you luck xx

TheBoredHousewife - 18 Jan, 2023 - 11:15AM

Peaches1 - 17 Jan, 2023 - 11:31PM

If he makes you happy, that goes a long way. What are we truly after on this journey? What compromises are we willing to accept for ourselves in our search? Someone right might not be the most ‘perfect’, and someone utterly magnificent may not be the ‘right’ one for you. Rooting for you! 😊

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 18 Jan, 2023 - 11:04AM

Paula99 - 18 Jan, 2023 - 04:37AM

Lovely words Paula

and good luck Peaches x

Paula99 - 18 Jan, 2023 - 04:37AM


Many of the people on this forum have ‘offered’ you their opinions but you have to do what is best for you…having an affair isn’t about winning …it’s about making the best of what you have got and if your guy makes you happy then it’s your decision 💕

 1 member likes this comment.

Peaches1 - 17 Jan, 2023 - 11:31PM

Oh god feels like I've opened a can of worms in here 😂😂 Guess personality counts. I found someone special and I be an absolute idiot if I let him go regardless of the physical side. No not what I started out for or not sure I'll be completely satisfied given time. Hey ho time will tell but you know what he makes me happy so sod it. Thank you all to those who replied and no he didn't see me coming. Sometimes there is more to people and I'd like to think when I'm up to the knackers yard their will be genuine caring people about.

 3 members like this comment.

Cheesypuff - 17 Jan, 2023 - 08:14PM

Paula99 - 17 Jan, 2023 - 04:43PM

I'm actually ChatGPT posting in the style of a desperate horny adulterer with a bad sense of humour.

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 17 Jan, 2023 - 04:43PM


The chat forum requires the ‘human element’ to survive unfortunately that means warts and all 😁

1569757 - 17 Jan, 2023 - 11:29AM

I think the 'No PW no reply" is amusing as I thought it was men who were shallow...

This is the way - 16 Jan, 2023 - 06:26PM

There’s got to be an initial physical attraction right?

But once that’s out the way - hopefully - personalities nurture and sustain the relationship?

 2 members like this comment.

Here4U21 - 16 Jan, 2023 - 06:17PM

Put it down to pent up sexual frustration

 1 member likes this comment.

NewDave2023 - 16 Jan, 2023 - 03:30PM

Why do all public forums start out with everyone being friendly and nice and descend into chaos, arguments and all other manner of things. High drama but not really required.

 4 members like this comment.

TJ8082 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 09:52PM

Sweet and salty, I’m not an “or” person, I want my cake and will eat it 🙈

 2 members like this comment.

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 09:47PM

TJ8082 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 08:59PM

Sweet or salty?

 1 member likes this comment.

TJ8082 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 08:59PM

Looks gets a foot in the door,
Personality keeps it there!

The forum is friendly, interesting reading today 🍿

 2 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 15 Jan, 2023 - 08:43PM

I’ve done the ‘letting it out of my system’ when first starting out, but my LG-esque dabblings (girl, you are my twin sister from a different mother with your likes and back story thus far) really are better with one man, at least for the sake of continuity. It helps that he is well into me, and I him. We’re past the stage of just hooking up, and have transitioned into the ‘we’re in our own bubble’ phase. It’s truly joyful. It’ll of course be time to move on when things exhaust themselves, but we still have pages on our bucket list to do, and always so little time in which to do it! 😁

I’m a total fuss pot these days in terms of choosing an IE (yes Laugar164, been burnt by the post single session ghosters. Not fun!). The potential to really like him for more than the physical has to be present before I’ll even do a meet now. And after this fella, whenever that is, I dare say I might be even fussier! 🙊

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 06:56PM

Dotty Green - 15 Jan, 2023 - 05:34PM

100%, just as I was trying to say but you put it better.

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laugar164 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 06:26PM

Now now ladies. Play nicely 😂
My clay pigeon shooting was fantastic I'm great at hitting fresh air lol 😂

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Eliza Boo - 15 Jan, 2023 - 06:13PM

Couldn't agree mote D.G x

 3 members like this comment.

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 06:09PM

Carpe Diem....well said Dotty

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 15 Jan, 2023 - 05:34PM

Everyone had different wants and needs that’s what makes life interesting - doesn’t make it wrong or right.

I know what I want and touch wood 😈 been lucky to find it on here.

My only advice is do what makes you happy. It’s eye opening reading opinions here - which I why I’ve hung around this time - we can broach and discuss subjects we can’t off this site. I’ll never agree with every person on here but happy to hear others even if it’s not the way I’d behave. We’re all little 😈s just have fun find your escape x

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Hedone - 15 Jan, 2023 - 05:16PM

Some people on here just hate it when they’re not centre of attention.

Miss chief you go girl

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:57PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:48PM

Yeah you nailed it 👍

I'm going to watch the football and have a beer, I can't take you seriously anymore.

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:54PM

Grey stone it.

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:48PM

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:36PM

Had to double check did you? Losing track of all those you approach and get rejected by darling?

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:46PM

Lorelai Gilmore - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:34PM

Now now darling, keep your teeth in. I'm royally honored that you think I'm a big personality. Truly. I know that in your infinite wisdom you,are prominent on here with the backing of 4 others among thousands. Your opinions never piss me off. I find you quite entertaining in your own way.

Now that the limelight is not firmly on the LG show, let the young guns have a slice of your very big pie (hole)

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:36PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:27PM

As I thought, we have no message history.

You're making yourself look a bit silly now my dear x

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Eliza Boo - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:34PM

Just royally pxxxxs me off when these big personalities start dictating the way things should be and what we should do and be and have, as if our actual life wasn't full of this already! You do you "darling" and live and let live. Cheesey has clearly stated what he's looking for. Personally I'm the same, and Dotty, and TBH and Becky and half of the other men and women on here. But - I'd argue the toss with someone for your right to have nsa hot sex, because that's what fulfills you "darling" and much like the hokey cokey - that's what it's all about! Personally, I'm weirdly incapable of having emotional sex. It is not a positive!!!! Ropes, straps and all the rest I can do - but Jesus, I want to at least be really into the guy I'm strapping down!

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:34PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:27PM

😂 I don't even recall ever looking at your profile, or what it says. You sure you're not thinking of a different Cheesypuff?

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:29PM

Dotty Green - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:23PM

I agree because that doesn't involve emotions.

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:27PM

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:16PM

Now now dear. Calm down. I'm grateful that you now tell me what you really think about my profile. I'm sure you said something different when you approached me even though I'm offering something you are not looking for apparently. and I said no because we want different things.

Lucky escape.

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:25PM

Beckysharp - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:23PM

Oi! I edited my profile just for you! 🙈

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Beckysharp - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:23PM

@ miss chief 76 3:54 pm

I’m not a Wednesday pm kind of girl 😉😂

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Dotty Green - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:23PM

I think you need both … something attracts you to your potential IE … it could be the chat in the messages or it could be the first glimpse of a photo that gets you all tingly. If I feel there’s an attraction then I’ll want to meet and we can then see if there’s a spark. I took a chance on one IE - not my type - instant attraction year long affair - so glad we met.

Yes I want to have fun fabulous sex - I’m not going to fall in love - but I like mutual respect and friendship, need to have things in common. Well that’s what works for me.

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:16PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:59PM

You're making some assumptions now which are pretty wide of the mark.

If I was going to do the same I would suggest that you seem like you have been burned, hurt badly and emotionless sex is an escape, a way to experience intimacy but without fear of being hurt again, but I wouldn't do that as I don't know you and it's not really my place is it.

If I was going to teach you anything it would be to embrace difference, what works for you doesn't work for everyone. What works for me doesn't work for everyone.

Nobody's way of doing this is right or wrong it's what works for them, the challenge (and often fun part) is finding someone who's way is the same as yours, imo.

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 04:05PM


I suggest you are looking for what you had with your wife. That's playing with fire. And, it feels as if you are looking for a way out.

Who says I didn't care about my affairs? Or encounters? Fun,and laughter is what bonds myself and my IE's together. Instead of being reactive, look at my post about what emotional attachment REALLY means. It's not about not 'caring'. In fact, I care enough about you to teach you a thing or two. If I can do that without emotional attachment?

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:59PM

I suggest you are looking for what you had with your wife. That's playing with fire. And, it feels as if you are looking for a way out.

Who says I didn't care about my affairs? Or encounters? Fun,and laughter is what bonds myself and my IE's together. Instead of being reactive, look at my post about what emotional attachment REALLY means. It's not about not 'caring'. In fact, I care enough about you to teach you a thing or two. If I can do that without emotional attachment.

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:58PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:54PM

It would only end badly 😜

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:54PM

Beckysharp - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:48PM

I suggest you and CP meet and live happily ever after

Beckysharp - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:48PM

@CP 3:33 pm

I’m the same and completely agree with you

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:48PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:36PM

I appreciate that works for you.

I've spent 20 years having emotionless NSA sex, Met some lovely ladies, 3 sums, 4 sums, 5, sums, Orgies, Dom, Sub, Clubs, Parties, Couple's, believe me I've been there got the T shirt.

Almost all of it was great and I enjoyed it a hell of a lot, but you know what none of it came close to having sex with someone I cared about.

Each to their own darling x

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:36PM

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:26PM

One off? You haven't lived darling. I've had sex that are NSA for years with no emotional attachment. Thats why they work. May I suggest that not only did the emotional attachment destroyed your marriage with the thousands of emotions involved in emotional attachment but, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Try something new young man. You might like it and it may just last longer than your marriage

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:33PM

I want there to be an emotional connection because I've found the physical side to be so much better when there is. Yes there are down sides to having emotional feelings towards someone too but I'm very good at controlling how far I allow those emotions to progress, so that they don't become problematic but while being able to enjoy some of the benefits. Not everyone can do that.

I also can just have sex for the sake of sex and enjoy it a lot with no emotion involved, that just isn't my preference.

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:26PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:19PM

Not a mistake I'm likely to make as I don't have sex with my wife, haven't done for years! 😂

Just a fuck was maybe the wrong terminology, what I meant a one off sexual encounter that doesn't develop into anything deeper or ongoing.

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:23PM

Cheesy puff....

I don't want an emotional connection because over half the feelings I've described under emotional attachment is what kills off marriages.

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:20PM


An emotional connection is a bundle of subjective feelings that come together to create a bond between two people. The word emotional means to arouse strong feelings. The feelings may be anger, sorrow, joy, love or any of thousands of emotions that humans experience

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 03:19PM

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 01:16PM

Just a fuck? Don't know what you have been getting up to young man but that's not my experience of sexual encounters.

Don't mix up having sex with your wife as a chore, and explosive sex with someone you don't love.

laugar164 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 02:55PM

@ boated housewife
Believe it or not there are some genuine men on her. Not just looking for a shag and then 👻
If I get that far then it's something I've taken seriously and also take into account both of ur feelings .

I think it's terrible when people 👻 it's shows a lack
Of emotional intelligence and maturity

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Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 01:16PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:36PM

Totally agree you won't know until you meet them.

I've met a lot of women, but only one have I developed an emotional connection with.

For me personally I now only want to meet someone who I think an emotional connection is a possibility with, because I know now how much better the physical side can be when you have it.

I don't want to fall in love but I want there to be care and feeling for each other, it won't be there from first meet but I want to meet people who I think that could develop with.

Yes I'll probably meet people and it'll end up just being a fuck and nothing else, but that's not an aim anymore.

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TheBoredHousewife - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:54PM

Miss Chief 76 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:36PM

And they’ll act the lie until they’ve got the shag then don’t want to know anymore 😁

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:36PM

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 10:06AM

You won't know until you meet someone what kind of relationship you will have with that person.

Most men lie and say they want an emotional connection because they think it will bag a shag
with more women.

I know that. You know that Mr Wednesday afternoons💋

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1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:31PM

Lorelai Gilmore - 15 Jan, 2023 - 11:06AM

The majority of what you speak of is sexual. And, ALL the advice given is advising against not sacrificing one sex life darling. Who comes onto an affair website offering anything and everything but sex? Like I explained in my post, one of my most intimate and sensual evenings with a guy I've ever had with was a paraplegic. You find a way until you can't which is exactly why the most of us are here because we have exhausted options at home that no longer develop further together. I have yet to see one profile in over 15 years that state "I can offer everything but sex".

It comes with the territory that you may develop a friendship, an emotional connection yadda yadda, but, this is not a counseling service.

Good luck to you 💋

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:05PM

The majority of what you speak of is sexual. And, ALL the advice given is advising against not sacrificing one sex life darling. Who comes onto an affair website offering anything and everything but sex? Like I explained in my post, one of my most intimate and sensual evenings with a guy I've ever had with was a paraplegic. You find a way until you can't which is exactly why the most of us are here because we have exhausted options at home that no longer develop further together. I have yet to see one profile in over 15 years that state "I can offer everything but sex".

It comes with the territory that you may develop a friendship, an emotional connection yadda yadda, but, this is not a counseling service.

Good luck to you 💋

Dotty Green - 15 Jan, 2023 - 11:58AM

Ahhhh Peaches …. Tough call hun - hope you’re ok today

Eliza Boo - 15 Jan, 2023 - 11:06AM

"We are all here for one reason". Nope. There are lots of different types of relationships here. Different levels of sexual adventure and different levels of emotional connection. Vanilla or deply kinky, exvlusive or not, friends with benefits or romantic feelings. Everyone should make of this opportunity what they individually want and need.

I married to fit with convention and please my deeply Catholic parents, had kids, who of course I love, but pretty much for the same reasons! My alternative secret life is not going to be determined by other people's conventions too.

 5 members like this comment.

Eliza Boo - 15 Jan, 2023 - 10:38AM

Hey peaches! Is it long term or short term illness? Depends what type of relationship you want, and what it is you have.
If you want and need regular satisfaction you've made a brave choice for yourself, and i know how importaint that need is, like a watch being wound! But if you need connection, friendship and intimacy too, well, how many times do you find that in one life? Could you come to an arrangement? Does it have to be exclusive? Could you switch gears at times between lovers and friends? Things don't have to be black and white if you can manage things well and navigate carefully. Xx

 1 member likes this comment.

Cheesypuff - 15 Jan, 2023 - 10:06AM

I think it depends on the type of relationship you're wanting to have with them. Both personality and looks matter but to varying degrees, if it's going to be an ongoing long term affair with affection and friendship then you need compatibility on both fronts. If it's going to just be a one off or even occasional get together for sex then the personality is probably less important although that's not to say it doesn't matter at all.

 4 members like this comment.

Beckysharp - 15 Jan, 2023 - 09:49AM

How are you feeling this morning @Peaches1?

Sending hugs 🤗

 1 member likes this comment.

laugar164 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 09:22AM

I have to agree with all the comments we are all here for one reason , to relight our not so hot sex life

And on that note this good looking chap is off to shoot both my barrels.
And for all you dirty minded lady's in not doing that I'm going clay pigeon shooting

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 08:05AM

Peaches1…poor you😔

I am not sure how much you want to reveal about his ‘medical issues’ I am sure he’s a great guy but you have to think about the reasons you are here ..yea you can skirt round the ‘we are all here for different reasons ‘ thing but really we are all here because we are missing a half decent sex life …if you are not satisfied then maybe you need to think about how you can get around it..some guys need a little ‘work ‘and if you like him that much you can do it ..it all depends on his medical problems ..if it’s psychological then that will take a toll on your own MH ..are you willing to spend the time doing ‘therapy’ or like many of us ..do we need the drama ?
If the problem isn’t ‘mind orientated’ then you have other options …it all depend on yourself? ..In my opinion if your asking for advice then something isn’t quite right …sadly🙁

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:58AM

What if you get a connection but are faced with the elephant man?

What if you face the elephant man? Are you going to get to know his personality?

Bollocks...get real people. We are here to shag each others brains out and you can't do that unless like me in my 20's, you woke up wanting to bite your own arm off because the above mentioned looked like Damien Lewis on 10 vodkas the night before, and was lying on it.

 1 member likes this comment.

1483842 - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:51AM

Peaches1 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:37PM

I once spent an evening with a paraplegic chest down paralysis. It was one of the most sensual and erotic experiences I've ever had. If all possibilities have been explored between you both, then, of course end it. Why feel guilty? You have given him what you can of yourself haven't you? We are on a affair site Peaches darling, not marriage advise site.

All sexual growth between 2 people (or more if you are that way inclined) comes to a natural end eventually. Behind every beautiful woman there is a man bored of shagging hee and vice versa...crude but true.

Whether it was medical problems or not, what do you have to feel guilty for? He saw you coming if you ask me

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:46AM

P1 - 11:37PM

Difficult for outsiders to say but if you're "not fulfilled" and if being "intimate" is (obviously) important to you, it had to be done?

Is there any possibility of him being a Friend WITHOUT Benefits? I'm assuming he's aware that his inability to be "intimate" with you is the problem here.

 1 member likes this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 15 Jan, 2023 - 12:27AM

Peaches1 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:37PM

So sorry to hear that! I remember one of your last posts some months back saying you had met up 6x and was excited about things finally happening…..

Stay in touch with him for sure, and be the best of friends, but if physical intimacy is what you crave then that is what you need to do for yourself. He must surely understand that and not hold you back any longer.

 2 members like this comment.

Peaches1 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:37PM

Help. I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life tonight. I absolutely adore my IE but we have never got intimate due to his medical problems. He's so perfect otherwise but don't feel fulfilled. I called it quits am I right to do so,?

 1 member likes this comment.

Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:21PM

Ha ha @EO. I had a random one tell me he loved me recently!! I’m absolutely sure he meant it 😂

This most recent 👻 does have a good reason. It was only 3 months. He’s apologised lots. It’s only a drink..

 1 member likes this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:18PM

unfinished_sentenc - 14 Jan, 2023 - 06:26PM

A captivating voice would not send me to sleep, only make me want a whole lot more!

Lorelai Gilmore - 14 Jan, 2023 - 07:04PM
Yes! His ability to have control over his thought process, speaking with purpose and meaning, every word, every sentence bowling me over. That comes through in his voice and his entire body tone as he speaks. Very intimate experience for me. I melt, and it doesn’t even have to be anything bombastic, just really heartfelt and sincere. Nice mild accent, whatever the region, medium to low pitch. He wins.

Happy bottle popping! May the bubbly overflow with abundance!

Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:23PM
Good luck! Will your 👻 from the past become present? 🤔

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:13PM

It would seem that these 👻 appear around the year end ... I've had two crop up ... apparently they were scrolling through their phone and came across my name 🙄 ... obviously I was thrilled to hear from them ... not!!!

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 14 Jan, 2023 - 10:26PM

Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:56PM

O believe me I used to get hurt or feel I need closure …. But I soon realise I needed to take this as the interlude it is. My ghost was over 3 years ago, our affair was over a year … it was awful- just the not knowing - then I’ve put it down to his bad behaviour - and he’d get nothing from me.

I guess it’s all down to different experiences, had mad me stronger. I accept and enjoy the affair to the max whilst it’s happening but know it will end - I don’t dwell, just move on.

Good luck lovely, you do what’s right for you x

 1 member likes this comment.

Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:56PM

I know @DG. I admire you and wish I could feel similar I really do!!

You did seem to find it easy to move on. I don’t know your timeframes obviously.

1564586 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:54PM

I'm sure that every eventuality you suggest has happened to somebody on here. Life's like that. You can plan all you want but life rarely goes to plan. Don't be too prescriptive, too strict. Just let life happen.

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:54PM

Beckysharp....🍾 🍾 🍾 😜💃💃💃

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:44PM

Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:23PM

Ooo you’re a better person than me …. I’d never give my 👻 the time of day

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Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:23PM

Ooooh enjoy @LG! Just make sure when the cork pops it doesn’t go everywhere 😂

I’m meeting my 👻 for a drink next week. Which will be nice from a closure pov. I think

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Dotty Green - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:10PM

Becky and Lorelai …. Mmmm love a sexy voice !!

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Dotty Green - 14 Jan, 2023 - 09:05PM

Cheesypuff - 14 Jan, 2023 - 10:14AMM
That’s it I’m done … you win the internet 😂😂😂😂

Eliza Boo - 14 Jan, 2023 - 08:51PM

Think it's nearly all screw top now and nothing wrong with a screw, but a good ol' cork to pop is good too.

Cheesypuff - 14 Jan, 2023 - 08:30PM

Lorelai Gilmore - 14 Jan, 2023 - 08:23PM

Mr P? That's my Dad. No need to be so formal Lil G, I thought you were more of a screw top kind of gal.

Eliza Boo - 14 Jan, 2023 - 08:23PM

Don't Mr P! Remember, I have been waiting weeks for this week and this champagne cork is ripe for popping! After the illness and injury of November and the Covid and train strikes of December may the fates be of my side this January!...🙏💃

 1 member likes this comment.

Cheesypuff - 14 Jan, 2023 - 08:21PM

Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 08:15PM

Get orf my laaaaaand!

Beckysharp - 14 Jan, 2023 - 08:15PM

I am also a voice lover @LG. For me it’s not accent based. But certain voices make me tingle all over. Maybe IE should have a voice note feature on profiles!

 1 member likes this comment.

Cheesypuff - 14 Jan, 2023 - 07:26PM

Lorelai Gilmore - 14 Jan, 2023 - 07:04PM

I'll be your private dancer Lil G, your dancer for money

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 14 Jan, 2023 - 07:04PM

And also mannerisms. That's not part of either 'looks' or 'personality'. But within seconds you can feel a man seems feminine or masculine in their way (i'd guess it is the same for a man with women.) If they carry themselves with confidence or not. A peculiar walk you just couldn't live with, or whether you'd pay just to watch them walk, naked, across a room...

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 14 Jan, 2023 - 06:50PM

Totally agree TBH

So much about looks, but voice is soooo powerful and commanding. Standard Middle English, low somber tone - be still my beating heart! Add to that a man I can look up to and respect and oh Jesus, I am lost!

(Errata: greatest respect and admiration to lovely regional accent and dialect, not my personal love-bag but it has its own beauty for sure xx)

 1 member likes this comment.

Juventino - 14 Jan, 2023 - 06:41PM

Personally is first and foremost, but there has to be an element of attraction. If you see each other a few times like the person but there is no attraction then it's best to let the person know and not string them on.

 1 member likes this comment.

1474198 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 06:26PM

@The boredhousewife
I have done voice over work in the past would you like a bedtime story?

Noted thank you!

 1 member likes this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 14 Jan, 2023 - 06:04PM

Recently featured on another thread.

Looks, fine. Personality, absolutely.
But what puts the icing on the cake for me must be voice. What he says and how he says it (proper speech, not text messages) can make me go weak at the knees, or not 🗣️

 2 members like this comment.

1570139 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 05:52PM

💯 personality,you can only go soo far on looks...You can change your looks but hardly can gain a lovely personality 😏

 4 members like this comment.

deacos4 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 05:42PM

It must be looks initially but if the relationship is going to last then personality is far more important......

Eliza Boo - 14 Jan, 2023 - 05:37PM

Unfinished_Sentence - David Bowie you say...As Lord Flashheart himself would say 'WOOF!' Put that in your profile! I got with my husband because he reminded me of Bowie and for all our differences sexually he is a good looking guy!

1474198 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 04:33PM

I’m reading this this topic with fascination on the varied opinions here. I still don’t know the best way to approach this.
I don’t regard myself as photogenic and I have been told I’m much better in the flesh than in my photos. I think it’s something to do with my cheek bones and the light . Despite being battered in my rugby plying days , I’m definitely not Mr Bean or Shrek! More David Bowie and the lead singer from the B52s.

I agree with some of the posts about ghosting and blocking post PW view. Unfortunately those people probably don’t venture on these forums and begin to realise how rude it is.
I try and arrange a meeting as soon as possible in a safe and conducive environment because until you meet someone there is no way of telling whether there truly is a connection. I feel more confident in a face to face or phone call meeting than anything else.. chemistry for me is the combination of mental and physical attraction.

 2 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 14 Jan, 2023 - 02:16PM

LesYeuxBleus - 14 Jan, 2023 - 10:35AM

Body and abdominal hair any day. It’s a real faff reaching up to stroke his head when nestled against his chest and fingers teasing his nipples.

Looks do matter, but if you both connect as well as ill fitting tetrominos, there really isn’t a lot of point. I haven’t really met anyone who has been so bad looking that I had to barf into a bag.

 1 member likes this comment.

1575958 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 12:11PM

I have to say personality is king for me. Part of why I'm here is to get a connection (or chemistry if you will). Whilst I do have an ideal, mostly this is a non existent individual because it is based on my biases.
I do agree with QuietLife however that we live in the real world and until you actually meet someone, judgement should be reserved.

QuietLights - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:37AM

Speaking as a man, on this site you have to learn to cope with the rejection of your 2D images.... Interestingly it works both ways - I will reject those that don't do it for me (and have done so) even if (given the nature of this site) "success" might have been a nailed on certainty....
Personally I would rather meet someone in the real world where an initial mutual attraction is easier to define...
Just an opinion....

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:27AM

My I.E and i messaged for a day before we swapped pictures and by that point I was already so blinking 'ga-ga' with the intensity of the connection that he could have been a minotaur and I'd have over-looked it (he's not, i will add, hes lovely.) I am not his physical type, at all (the comma is important there...he's often reminded of that early pointed clarification he made quite a substantial time ago now). I don't really have a 'type' - appart from 'outdoorsy' does it for me everytime. But all I can say is that when you find an intense wild wonderful sexual connection...zowee! Better find something sturdy to hold onto!

 1 member likes this comment.

Lusty40 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 11:05AM

There has to be a wee spark in there, but personality wins hands down. A man has to make me laugh.

Paula99 - 14 Jan, 2023 - 10:52AM

It’s a combination of lots of things… you do need to feel some attraction for the OP but it’s not that that sustains the affair….personality plays a big part so does having things in common…whether the OP can hold a conversation and if the brain cells are present..😂

 2 members like this comment.

LesYeuxBleus - 14 Jan, 2023 - 10:35AM

As with lots of things, it depends.

I find the opening salvo of a password request without any sort of intro quite rude and demeaning. I understand that there has to be attraction but that doesn't always come through on a photo.

I have a couple of times clearly been binned and ghosted as I'm shaven headed/bald. I was once brutally told "Sorry, I was to run my hands through a man's hair when we're getting intimate". I did think of quipping back that there was hair on my stomach she could use. But I guessed there wasn't much of it and I was sure that the IE I wanted would be so superficial.

At the same time there needs to be an element of physical attraction, I think the best rules of engagement are a couple/few messages seeing if you'd click as people and then brave the pics.

I've had mixed experiences with pics. Previously when I was here, one lady used an older photo that she'd clearly used filters on and it was obvious when we met. Others the pics haven't done the person credit.

Cheesypuff - 14 Jan, 2023 - 10:14AM

When I'm balls deep I'm usually thinking about her gsoh and the charity work she does so personality for me 👍

Mystaclese - 14 Jan, 2023 - 10:10AM

I think both are important, you need that 1st initial attraction but it's also just has important to av that personality that makes you want to laugh and chat all night , I need to fancy a person but also like a person for things to go further , but that's me were not all the same , good luck with your searches x

 1 member likes this comment.

Daved23 - 05 Jan, 2023 - 08:31PM

Personality trumps looks for me. Communication is vital to know someone and also Chemistry which comes from that which after a while can lead to attraction in my experience. If two people look and there is no attempt to talk then the chemistry is never going to be there. Man or woman can have face lift or women boob jobs etc and you meet them because they look good and suddenly when they speak they are dull as dish water, that is a complete let down.

1564953 - 26 Nov, 2022 - 04:15PM

It's a process. Chemistry matters most.

Looking good encourages and invites people to connect with you. You can then have a discussion.

Your personality consolidates that positive perception of your looks and creates a profile of you as "ok to be with".

Chemistry is the big one. Because that will build on the previous stages and create something long term and tangible for both parties......or firework "ripping clothes off" attraction that we all yearn for.

 1 member likes this comment.

stoicix - 21 Nov, 2022 - 04:31PM

I am sapiosexual and can find myself getting more attracted as I get to know a person. But days of texting does tend to turn me off as texting is not conducive to convey deeper aspects of your personality. So I have resorted to asking to swap pics first, always giving my password first to the lady, so they don't have to share theirs if there's no interest.

 1 member likes this comment.

Conradd - 15 Nov, 2022 - 07:17AM

Deke Iveco

Looks are critical for most women, pay no regard to woke, virtuous, hollow claims otherwise .

If you think about it an affair / being unfaithful is a big deal so there has to be a big payload.

I recommend you make sure you are in great physical shape, thats something you can control, everyone can find 20 minutes daily to exercise even if it’s pressups while for example reading work emails😂

 1 member likes this comment.

Dannyboy851 - 15 Nov, 2022 - 12:51AM

Every single person on here will choose looks over personality

1558991 - 14 Nov, 2022 - 11:01PM


totally agree with you on ghosting blocking unbelievable childish behaviour all here fun nsa someone

lifestooshort86 - 14 Nov, 2022 - 06:53PM

I think it depends on the relationship you want, but in my opinion sexual attraction on any level is important, it's fundamental to how we are wired. If like someone's personality and not thier looks, they are more likely friendship material. I guess on sites like this it seems shallow to want to see pics first, but I get it.

All that being said, looks aren't gonna cut it alone if they have the personality of an old wooden spoon, equally multiple personalities should be avoided 😅

 3 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 14 Nov, 2022 - 06:27PM


I agree …it’s out or order x

 1 member likes this comment.

1382700 - 14 Nov, 2022 - 04:16PM


I’ve been on the site on and off for ages but still don’t understand Ghosting and Blocking on a whim. Just plain rude (now there’s something you find if you’re on the site for a while)

 4 members like this comment.

Jonpaulp - 14 Nov, 2022 - 01:38PM

There seems little point in joining this site if you are under 6ft tall , considering the average height of a man in the Uk is 5’9. There are going to be some disappointed ladies out there !

 2 members like this comment.

JonP1974 - 12 Nov, 2022 - 01:10PM

Depends on the type of affair, if it's purely sexual then it would be looks, but if it's a traditional affair then personality first and looks second.

Jlo-in-the-dark - 04 Nov, 2022 - 06:07AM

It's great getting to know someone through chat But if you don't find that person attractive, looks wise, are you going to want to meet them and possibly take things further? Personality is important but I have to like the look of someone x

 2 members like this comment.

1560372 - 02 Nov, 2022 - 04:38PM

I think they’re both essential to be honest as what’s the point of you have one without the other? I’m with you… there needs to be some sort of good chat and a connection fist and then if the attractions there when you meet then BINGO!

malachiah - 02 Nov, 2022 - 10:00AM

Personality matter most, but I still need to be physically attracted to a person for anything to happen...

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 01 Nov, 2022 - 04:35PM

Deke Iveco…

Clearly you haven’t been on this website for a long time .. you need to read the forum and it will open your eyes xx😂

saracen79 - 31 Oct, 2022 - 09:15PM

For me…. Only offer the pw when you’re pretty much sure you both don’t move in the same circles. And that should be within the first few messages! Don’t waste talking without seeing photos of the person. Both Looks and personality together are key, not one or the other.

 1 member likes this comment.

1560235 - 31 Oct, 2022 - 07:30PM

Deke Iveco, just put a picture of Ryan Gosling up there and hope the lady doesn't remember when you meet up ... or plough her with alcohol straight away,

1560235 - 31 Oct, 2022 - 07:28PM

Think you need a bit of both. Physical attraction always comes first and personality develops later on. If you have both, like me, then it is a lonely world until one finds that match.

 1 member likes this comment.

1553309 - 31 Oct, 2022 - 04:59PM

Paula - If I didn’t fancy the girl I would at least tell her so, I wouldn’t just ignore her and continue to be online. I know the ladies get a lot more interest than the men and it must be exhausting being wanted all the time but there’s such a thing as manners.

Paula99 - 31 Oct, 2022 - 03:51PM

Deke Iveco…

Ghosting applies to both sexes🎃

 2 members like this comment.

1553309 - 31 Oct, 2022 - 03:47PM

I’ve been ghosted every time I’ve given my password out, every time. I didn’t realise women were so superficial.

FluffyClouds - 31 Oct, 2022 - 02:58PM

Uglyfrog -

I really don't think you should put your pw at the end of your profile for anyone to access. You don't know who his on here, your work colleagues, your neighbours, the woman at the checkout till? Your maybe suspicious wife!

 5 members like this comment.

Uglyfrog-worth kissing - 31 Oct, 2022 - 10:43AM

I provide my password at the end of my profile

Anyone reading that far gets a sense of who I am
It then becomes their choice to look or not

I then chat for a while and see how things go before asking for a password

Kencap76 - 31 Oct, 2022 - 12:16AM

It’s got to be personality right? Looks are important for sure. But if there is no spark, or worse they annoy you….. what’s the point?

 1 member likes this comment.

FluffyClouds - 29 Oct, 2022 - 06:04PM

Steelbrace -

Anyone looking for perfection is going to be disappointed, but there has to be some attraction from the photo. Without any attraction, even if I could talk forever with that person and get along with them, it will never end as a sexual relationship, only a friendship. I've had plenty of male friends in my lifetime, never slept with any of them.

 3 members like this comment.

1129042 - 28 Oct, 2022 - 11:56AM

I have to confess, and call me shallow if you like, that I prefer to see a photo early on. As much as you can connect with someone during a message or conversation, that goes right out of the window if you see the picture and you find them in no way attractive (and vice versa) It's even more awkward if you've been chatting for a while and getting on well....but hey ho that's just me.

 3 members like this comment.

steelbrace - 28 Oct, 2022 - 11:04AM

I feel that any photo image is purely one dimensional and doesn't convey the true attractiveness of the person concerned. Seeing someone in the flesh can be a totally different experience to viewing a photo. I agree there needs to be an element of attraction in viewing a photo but to expect total 100% instant attraction from a photo image is unrealistic. The other elements of mental attraction, stimulation, mutual interests/agenda, friendliness, charm, wit, conversation need to be in place first. The 'lust' could very easily spark up on meeting this other person when the other factors are in place. An outright instant dismissal based on what may be an average photo, is in my opinion very shallow and is not taking in all the factors that could make that person an attractive IE encounter.

Shmoogles - 27 Oct, 2022 - 10:43PM

Oooh. A tricky topic.
Me? I don’t swap passwords until I sense a depth of connection.
What goes on between the ears excites & entices…
if someone captivates my minds eye, inspires my imagination,… then I’m attracted f’sure.
Beauty becomes boring… superficial shallow types, meh…
For me, intelligence, an open mind & a sensual spirit… always exciting & my type…
& can’t always be conveyed in a picture or image.

 3 members like this comment.

1545327 - 27 Oct, 2022 - 07:52PM

I often wonder when to offer my password. Should I offer it in my very first message? Should I wait for her to ask for it? My photos are a mix of respectable ones and others that are revealing..
When should I offer to let a lady see them?

Chezley - 27 Oct, 2022 - 12:19PM

Few people reveal their true personality until sometime later, after a few mishaps, getting out of their comfort zone etc. Then you find out how they tick.

Until then, and for the short duration of an ie they may as well look good.

 3 members like this comment.

Sophistikat - 27 Oct, 2022 - 12:12PM

I think for me ive have to be attracted to the person
It may seem shallow but i think thats most people we all have diffrent tastes
Im always polite and say not for me sorry good luck x

 3 members like this comment.

enamored2 - 26 Oct, 2022 - 04:29PM

Inner and outer beauty. Outer beauty attracts, inner beauty sustains

 1 member likes this comment.

enamored2 - 26 Oct, 2022 - 04:26PM

Inner and outer beauty in the eyes of the beholder. Outer beauty attracts, inner beauty sustains

 1 member likes this comment.

1295600 - 26 Oct, 2022 - 11:51AM

Personality goes a long way for lasting fun but need attraction too

 1 member likes this comment.

anna_banana - 26 Oct, 2022 - 08:43AM

you don't want look bad, neither be boring :) so both matters

 2 members like this comment.

MatureWorcsBBW - 25 Oct, 2022 - 05:39PM

Personality 100%

mipaulac - 24 Oct, 2022 - 09:08PM


recycled to meet the demand for condoms or girl on girl dildos :-)

 2 members like this comment.

1543236 - 24 Oct, 2022 - 06:05PM

I agree its an issue for sure and very frustrating - photo is only a small part of the person you're talking to if chats are good and maybe get to talk on the phone you can get a feel for someone without seeing a photo - I prefer the actual person to the photo, but you can only get to see the person if you get past the photo bit, which often is the stumbling block for many it would seem,

Don't know what the answer is, other than to try and see past the person in the picture, I have met people that I wouldn't ordinarily be attracted to but their personality became far more attractive, after which the person was as well...

Just my thoughts...

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 24 Oct, 2022 - 03:56PM

What will happen to the bog standard ‘rubber doll’?

Maybe they will end up like the ones in only fools and horses in the skip full of cyanide gas.


Conradd - 24 Oct, 2022 - 08:44AM

I bet it will be made illegal to corrupt a young AI doll. Sensory deprivation will be off the table then?
Plus will they become woke, feminista, boss bitch, strong independent women?

 2 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 24 Oct, 2022 - 02:56AM

Scifi and love dolls really !!!!
If you need to understand human behaviour look at nature.
We are just another animal take a look at the behaviour of chimpanzees and bonobos.
The females of the later even enjoy a little tribadism :-) :-)

EmnEm123 - 22 Oct, 2022 - 10:51PM


A leopard never changes its spots, it may just come to realise that no-one is buying it's wild, bragging, tall tales!!!

 2 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 22 Oct, 2022 - 10:48PM


Women can't try pants on in changing rooms, hygiene issues.

Eliza Boo - 21 Oct, 2022 - 07:39PM

But they kill themselves Paula99...on the run because a man tries to rape Thelma!

Paula99 - 21 Oct, 2022 - 07:15PM

LG….Maybe if she was more like Thelma and Louise she would have amazing 🤩

Eliza Boo - 21 Oct, 2022 - 06:21PM

The classic f### doll fantasy, doe eyed and subservient. She does tend to ultimately subvert societies expectations and develop deviant tendencies... Less passive reciprocant, more gun toting cow-girl, with lasso and boots. Yehah!!!! 😉

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 21 Oct, 2022 - 06:08PM

Ex Machina. Bloody hell that was a weird film

TheBoredHousewife - 21 Oct, 2022 - 02:42PM

FC / Bobb20

It is indeed Humans. I remember being hooked on it when it first aired. The male robot who had sex with his owner was quite dishy! Poor neglected husband though 😜

 1 member likes this comment.

FluffyClouds - 21 Oct, 2022 - 02:05PM

Bobb20 -

In the TV show Humans one of the owners of a robot uses her for sex.

1556723 - 21 Oct, 2022 - 01:53PM

Are you thinking of Ex Machina Bobb20?

Bobb20 - 21 Oct, 2022 - 01:36PM


Which film is it where they design an AI and ‘she’ becomes the partner? We have Stepford Wives, but it was not this o was thinking of, it was another.

Your comment about dolls brought this to mind.

1556723 - 21 Oct, 2022 - 12:08PM

Afternoon all,

I just want to put a bit of context around my previous comments on breasts and bums. In terms of a woman's physical attributes, they do stand out and do catch my eye. However, if that was all I was interested in I would buy a sex doll and be happy! Mind you they are getting very realistic these days and I would probably end up with one that gets headaches and puts me on a ban until I finish the decorating.

 4 members like this comment.

Girl4treat - 21 Oct, 2022 - 08:35AM

And either way...then you meet them face to face and the photos and perceived personality in the chats are ...😊

Paula99 - 21 Oct, 2022 - 05:26AM

I think Conradd has been talking to very intelligent women...😊

 4 members like this comment.

Dotty Green - 20 Oct, 2022 - 11:15PM

Sun_Beach&S.... - 20 Oct, 2022 - 09:11AM

For me it’s that initial meet. … photos do not always do justice … but if you meet and get that tingle ……..

However … why do I agree to the meet …. We’ve clicked and got on well …

 1 member likes this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 20 Oct, 2022 - 10:52PM


The difference between panties and spots are that panties are actually meant to be changed and not inbuilt.

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 20 Oct, 2022 - 10:51PM

Ladies ... looks like Mr C has "seen the light" 💡... 🤔

Conradd - 20 Oct, 2022 - 10:48PM


I could equally ask; can a woman change her panties and ask me from the shop changing room whether I approve?

Conradd - 20 Oct, 2022 - 10:45PM


Well I suppose it was for me obvious she had a good personality

But in truth not a great personality, looks don’t compensate

Fanny fllutters / tingles; Bob thats thestarter gun right there, step 1 really

TheBoredHousewife - 20 Oct, 2022 - 07:36PM

EmnEm123 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 03:49PM

Looks like Conradd went away and came back a changed man. But can a leopard change his spots? 😉

Sun_Beach&S.... - 20 Oct, 2022 - 06:17PM

Hahhaha steal away Aiden 🤣 there is plenty more where it came from lol

1541744 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 05:03PM

I am being so jealous now.
Fannyflutters sound amazing ( I am totally stealing the phrase and may have to rebuild my profile just to work that in - thank you for that @SunBeach&s ).

I have come to the conclusion that I need to share my PW early in a conversation as quite frankly I find that it hurts less if a conversation is curtailed before too many messages have been exchanged.

 1 member likes this comment.

1556723 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 05:03PM


It is coming up to Bonfire night so my name is Guy, I light the touch paper and then run :-)

 1 member likes this comment.

EmnEm123 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 03:49PM


Contradicting yourself?

You have previously stated that you met a 10/10, body to die for, afraid that you would fall for her, as you have a beautiful wife and a fantastic sex life.

Not once did you mention her personality!

 3 members like this comment.

secretflirt68 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 02:47PM

Sun_Beach&S.... - 20 Oct, 2022 - 09:11AM

Fannyflutters or cocktwitches, maybe even asswinks for some people, or throatgags (I'm struggling now). I think it starts in the mind, is triggered by something other than a pure photo. It may be started remotely by something said that indicates a shared level of sexual deviancy, or it might also be triggered when meeting for the first time by a way of moving, interacting, even the combination of perfume on a particular person's skin (I've known perfume that gave me a cocktwitch on some women, that never even registered with others). But I think it goes beyond what a pure photo can inspire on its own as a reaction. So I call it personality.

 2 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 12:41PM

Becky sharp

I have no idea what a ‘fanny flutter’ is, but I’m in

….. I mean of course I agree 😆😆

 2 members like this comment.

Beckysharp - 20 Oct, 2022 - 09:44AM

I think that is so true @sun_beach&S

For men affairs are primarily for sex. For women we need fanny flutters 😂. Otherwise I completely agree what’s the point?

We all need connection, personality and attraction in varying degrees to get to that stage though.

 6 members like this comment.

Sun_Beach&S.... - 20 Oct, 2022 - 09:11AM

We have to be sexually attracted to each other for this to work simple as.You might have the most caring personality but if you can't make my fanny flutter wheres the point?
I have that at home,don't need same in affair

 4 members like this comment.

Smartypants65 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 08:48AM

We are human, and it's not shallow to say you're not attracted to someone. We make up our minds pretty quickly with looks, then other factors kick in quite quickly. That's what flirting is for, right?
On this site, you've got to factor in additional things, like practicality, discretion and are they actually sane :)
I don't know about other men, but I have standards, and I'm not going to waste someone else's time and mine if I'm not attracted and interested in the other person. It's not all about a shag.

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 20 Oct, 2022 - 08:15AM


Fair play.

I agree. Most dating apps you only have a photo to go on, so cannot judge personality. Here we have a few more options, so can go the old traditional route of photo looks only, but also have the option of engaging first and exchanging a few messages before deciding whether to grant access to a pic

 1 member likes this comment.

Leeforsure - 19 Oct, 2022 - 11:19PM

It looks to me like the op has answered their own question.
Personally I don’t see the dilemma. Is it too much to ask to be attracted to both the person and how they look? I don’t think so. Both have equal importance.
This site is predicated on the idea that you may potentially want to have an affair with the person you message. I don’t think it’s odd to want to see what they look like, and fairly quickly. Personally I have no issue with being asked my PW within a few messages. I may not be someone’s cup of tea. And that’s okay.
As for the idea of basing your choices purely on looks… I totally agree, that would be a little shallow. But we have to start somewhere. Meticulously reading a profile and starting a dialogue only to find you don’t fancy that person is time consuming. Finding out up front isn’t.

 3 members like this comment.

Conradd - 19 Oct, 2022 - 09:27PM


I’ve always felt personality wins the day as long as physical attraction is also present.

When I mentioned the importance of looks that was more a comment on the heightened role aesthetics play in online dating, particularly the swiping Apps which reduce people to a 300 millisecond choice

Paula99 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 09:19PM


No reference to you....😊

Bobb20 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 09:12PM


Glad to see you have come to accept that personality trumps looks, and others have liked your comments - I think you have turned the corner, and this could be a new beginning for you, and the start of you being a highly successful IE for the ladies :-)

Bobb20 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 09:10PM


If you mean me, by reference to Bob (with one B) then you are barking up the wrong tree.

If you mean something else, then I’ve missed the reference and not twigged

Paula99 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 07:56PM

Wonder if RockSteadyteddys name is Bob....

TheBoredHousewife - 19 Oct, 2022 - 07:22PM

I find it interesting that on another thread he is almost gentlemanly and doesn’t mention ‘nice tits and arse’ at all!

Conradd - 19 Oct, 2022 - 07:18PM

I’ve been thinking over the subject of this thread for a while now and have concluded personality trumps looks.

Looks get u in the door, but then personality and things like humour and soul kick-in.

Overall the most attractive women I’ve ever encountered were that blend of many factors, and I can report the ‘exquisite’ lookers were not all round the most attractive, indeed some exuded conceit and I would not trust them
Long term

I did my bed hopping in my twenties and tired of it, sex is wayyy better for me if there’s a mental fizz n flow.

 3 members like this comment.

FluffyClouds - 19 Oct, 2022 - 07:16PM

LG -


 2 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 19 Oct, 2022 - 07:15PM

rocksteadyteddy - 19 Oct, 2022 - 02:54PM

For some, it is a fantasy. For others, it is a happy reality 😉

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 06:59PM


Exactly. I get the impression some people seem to think all men should just be looking for body parts and nothing else.

Some men AND women want that, whilst others want a connection as well. That connection/friendship/attraction is not love (in most cases); as yes, most have that at home already.

Seeking an IE is a case of finding someone who seeks the same, as well as both being attracted to each other, either in a physical or emotional way.

 1 member likes this comment.

Conradd - 19 Oct, 2022 - 06:58PM

Saw a not that a-ytpical profile yesterday demanding only the top 1% of men!

I mean who tue heck wants to be without someone seemingly of the Eugenics end of the spectrum, where 99% of the opposite sex are deemed unsatisfactory?

What an utterly shallow person, I’m sure she will be searching for eternity m.

Who else avoids the ‘I’m exquisite and turn many heads daily, and wont settle for anyone less than my equivalent’?

Shudders, I’ll bet many of these trophy women have as many flaws as I do, well almost 😂

 2 members like this comment.

Eliza Boo - 19 Oct, 2022 - 06:49PM

Nice tits and ass - but no head for thinking or mouth for talking or arms for holding? And, by extension, no legs for walking, one supposes?! This is an affair site and there's more to an affair than bits of bodies.

We are people, not just tits and ass - just like men are more than dicks. Well, most of them are anyway...

 7 members like this comment.

Conradd - 19 Oct, 2022 - 06:48PM

Lets all be adult and accept people have differing needs, diverse expectations, simple.

I want a good mental connection and arse n lips. Sex is other worldly and the peak of experience. Friendship is great too but I assume most have the latter in their marriage

 2 members like this comment.

Beckysharp - 19 Oct, 2022 - 06:24PM


Builders bum and man boobs? 😂

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 06:07PM

So, nice tits and arse’ are all it takes for rocksteadyteddy, to say ‘and I am there’, and Red Succubus approves.

What is the equivalent for women? ‘ Nice abs and backside’ and they ‘are there’?

 3 members like this comment.

Red Succubus - 19 Oct, 2022 - 03:31PM

Just saying it as it is…kudos for that my friend. More people should take a leaf out your book

 1 member likes this comment.

secretflirt68 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 03:23PM

rocksteadyteddy - 19 Oct, 2022 - 02:54PM
TheBoredHousewife - 19 Oct, 2022 - 02:32PM

Everyone get the popcorn out for this one, anyone taking bets on who comes out on top? I know who my money's on...

 1 member likes this comment.

1556723 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 02:54PM

TheBoredHousewife, well it depends on what they think doesn't it. I am not everyone's cup of tea and don't claim to be. You being bored and all, I bet you are giving it some thought though :-).

TheBoredHousewife - 19 Oct, 2022 - 02:32PM

Are you what the ladies with nice tits and arse haven’t got in their marriage?

 3 members like this comment.

1556723 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 01:47PM

Just to qualify what I have said, this is an affair site and I want what I haven't got at the moment in my marriage.

1556723 - 19 Oct, 2022 - 01:43PM

Nice tits and arse and I am there. I sound very shallow and I admit I probably am but lets be on the same page.

 1 member likes this comment.

justinbutyouwillloveit - 19 Oct, 2022 - 11:30AM

Difficult one to answer given that I have the body of a god ... buddha. Personality is key and providing you don't look like Ann Widdecombe, its a 10 from me.

TheBoredHousewife - 17 Oct, 2022 - 09:24PM

It does. All I’m saying is that it’s not the be all and end all for me, and I tend not to dismiss someone just because their 2D didn’t turn out how I envisaged them to be. I do say no if the 2D then goes on not to match their voice, video, further texts etc. And I’m sure vice versa for them too 😊

 1 member likes this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 17 Oct, 2022 - 09:10PM

Beckysharp - 17 Oct, 2022 - 08:37PM

Agree that if some distance is involved and time is a premium, then it’s got to be worth your while. I use video messaging quite a bit to get a better idea, lots of voice notes, on different topics. Chat about everything. They have to be open. Obviously not comparable to a face to face meet, but if a person isn’t forthcoming in these message formats, then for me, we are probably not going to make it in real life either. I don’t meet easily, and by then people give up anyway…...natural filter for me 😜😂

FluffyClouds - 17 Oct, 2022 - 09:03PM

BH -

Even though it's 2D a pic does give you the general idea as to whether you would like to proceed with chatting or a meet. I doubt everyone chats and meets everyone who swapped a pw

 3 members like this comment.

Dotty Green - 17 Oct, 2022 - 08:54PM

Beckysharp - 17 Oct, 2022 - 08:37PM

Yes it is much easier to meet here in London I guess (especially as most commute so easy to meet at lunch time or after work for coffee or drink) so I do understand.

But sometimes take that chance….

I do agree with TBH it can be hard to judge photos.

Beckysharp - 17 Oct, 2022 - 08:37PM

@Dotty Green

It’s trickier though when more travel is involved (than London) or people are more time limited (I think you’ve said you meet for a quick drink after work).

I really need to be quite convinced before considering the logistics of a first meet. So while I absolutely agree photos can be rubbish, a lot of us do need to use them to decide yes or no

 2 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 17 Oct, 2022 - 08:21PM

Dotty Green - 17 Oct, 2022 - 08:04PM

I do agree. That 2D photo is exactly what it is….2D. For me, it is just to put a face to the name. Bar a couple of people, I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who was uglier that his photo, even those who I thought didn’t have the most complimentary pws. Met a couple of fakes though, but that’s beside the point 😜

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 17 Oct, 2022 - 08:04PM

One of my IEs, we chatted got on well exchanged photos:.. I thought he was nice but not sure he was my type, but decided to meet. We met - definite attraction - we had an affair for over a year. I’m glad I took that chance. So I do think it’s important to look beyond a photo, until you meet in person you never really know …

 4 members like this comment.

FluffyClouds - 17 Oct, 2022 - 06:17PM

Purple Dreamer -

If that was the case why take the trouble to even have pics? If looks aren't important, why see a pic at all? Yes, you want to see who you're chatting to, but also, mainly, people want to actually have some visual attraction.

 2 members like this comment.

Purple dreamer - 17 Oct, 2022 - 04:28PM

I can't see why you couldn't continue attraction should not be just about what someone looks like

AAGilfan - 17 Oct, 2022 - 10:03AM

Atticus Fox. A lot of us are on here because we have lost that connection at home. Not just the physical connection but maybe when that fizzles out, other parts of the connection drop off too. To me it is about making that connection and seeing what happens because when one does connect, as Lorelai says, it is like electricity surging through you. Most of us on here are older and wiser than our younger days, have so much more to give in terms of experience and wordliness but also a better understanding of our quirks and where things, quite often as a result of ageing, aren't quite what they were. With that as a starting point I do think most can bring a more open minded approach to this little circus. Yes there has to be a base level of attraction to take things further but the connection, the buzz between 2 people can override a lot of the negatives.

 2 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 16 Oct, 2022 - 10:01PM

Miss Chief 76

I had a rather bad experience with chatting someone up on the phone when younger, so once bitten twice shy.

I was in my first job, and had to liaise regularly by phone to a girl about my age, in another of our offices around 30 miles away. We got very friendly, she had the sexiest voice ever, and we started flirting and talking about underwear.

When her birthday came around she invited myself and another guy to a party in their office. I was highly delighted and couldn’t wait to meet her.

The big day arrived, I got to the office, was shown in, and …..she was the biggest lass I have ever seen in my life! She must have weighed over 30 stones!

I was mortified and literally couldn’t speak!

I ended up circling the room and socialising, but avoiding her, and after an hour or so, my workmate and myself left and went to a nightclub with two of her female colleagues!

I still feel the guilt :-(

If only i had known and been prepared. Great girl - but too much of a shock

 1 member likes this comment.

1483842 - 16 Oct, 2022 - 07:47PM

I have found this. I have connected with someone but the attraction isn't there. I'm a visual lover. Not a imaginative one. I did have a gent once suggest that I be blindfolded on the bed of the hotel room and he enter and we become lovers without sight, while this would surely heighten the experience, I adore eye contact when we are turned on so, I need the visual attraction to proceed. Maybe not all is lost, maybe phone sex could be an option.

Conradd - 16 Oct, 2022 - 02:04PM

Exotic Organ

Turkish hair transplant eh? Better not give me a fez look though

I wonder if they do Llama hair, could look hot🔥

1Jackpot - 16 Oct, 2022 - 01:52PM

Attraction, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Generally, I guess, we men are initially more attracted to looks. But without intelligence, humility and a ready wit, all the beauty in the world leaves me cold.
I find an initial attraction can be torpedoed by arrogance, cruelty, and humourlessness to name a few traits.

 2 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 16 Oct, 2022 - 12:47PM


Exactly. If someone gripes because another has a lack of hair, for instance, when few of us are spring chickens (bring over the age of 30); they will also have their own aging aspects (let’s call them that rather than failings).

Make the most of what we have yes. I do get the impression that some people look in the mirror though with rose tinted glasses, so they see perfection and thus seek similar, which does not exist, so they’ll have to continue looking and looking and not finding :-(

No one wins

 3 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 16 Oct, 2022 - 12:27PM


As always, you make so much sense 😊

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 16 Oct, 2022 - 07:07AM

Life is about making the best of what you have...your work...your family...your hobbies...friends...IE is no exception...we all have imperfections.. but the way I look at it is ..there is nothing ever going to be in the same league as loosing my father....perspective is the key...

Here in IE we are all getting older ..wrinkles ..tiger stripes...hair loss... it does knock our confidence....but we are here ....we are very much alive and we have alot to bring to the table..😁

 6 members like this comment.

leggysheila - 15 Oct, 2022 - 10:54PM

I tend to give my password out if the guy is interested he messages back. Had no problems XXX

 1 member likes this comment.

1483184 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 08:57PM

Lorelai, it’s level headed common sense , with a bit of glitter chucked at it just because I can , 😁

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 15 Oct, 2022 - 08:42PM

Witch1 - I don't know know uou are but I am loving uour comments!!! X

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 15 Oct, 2022 - 08:22PM

Conradd - 07:31PM

There's always Turkey for hair transplant ... 😉

(seriously though just shave it all off)

 5 members like this comment.

1483184 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 08:17PM

Bobb , they aren’t failings , it’s called time no matter what we do to try and slow it . Make best of what you have , if some don’t like it , tough who cares , not the sort of people I wanna know anyway who just focus on negative

 2 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 07:59PM


I’m sure the women that are demanding a full head of hair have many failings themselves from the list I gave earlier, plus several more no doubt. So in fact you’ve probably dodged bullets.

I suppose it is all about which failings a person is willing to accept in an IE

 1 member likes this comment.

1483184 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 07:43PM

Conrad, buy a full flowing wig , be worth it for laugh

 2 members like this comment.

Conradd - 15 Oct, 2022 - 07:31PM

Great comments people😎

I suppose my main hangup is my brillo pad hair, a fair few women demand full head of hair on here lol.

The strangest demand I quite regularly see is ‘I won’t be attracted to any man using emojis or lol’

I mean ffs, how uptight must they be, makes me shudder

Eliza Boo - 15 Oct, 2022 - 07:06PM

And the thing is, when you get that lightning connection and you meet, and it's amazing there too - you don't see the flaws. You see just a boy, or a girl who is brilliantly exciting and fun to be with and who makes you feel 17 again...but with a lot more helpful sexual experience! 😄

 2 members like this comment.

hoty20 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 06:51PM

@ Hey Conrad life begins at 40 and bald man are sexy man..haha I dont mind rubbing a bald head..

 1 member likes this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 15 Oct, 2022 - 05:08PM


Making me feel really self conscious now

Even though what you say is true. I just try not to think about it 😎

 2 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 04:49PM


You mention going thin on top as not being attractive as it signifies decline, there are 101 other things that are similar and signify decline, both in male and female:

- Going grey
- Receeding gums
- Hair in ears or up nose
- Old looking hands
- Sun spots on skin
- wrinkles
- saggy boobs
- bingo wings
- hair loses shine
- hair more brittle
- bad back/knees/neck etc
- …etc (bored now)

Likely all on here have some of the above above as very few will be early 20’s and in prime health of their lives!

Therefore, all IE’s, men and women, will have to compromise and accept that the chances of finding someone with none of the above are pretty remote!

 6 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 04:39PM


High cheekbones are attractive, said to be a sign of good breeding :-)

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 04:38PM

Hi Conradd

I don’t disagree. But to me it comes across as very arrogant, and is therefore not an appealing trait for me, so I’d rather steer well clear.

A far better approach, if it has to be photo or no messages, in my view, would be as follows:

1. Man sends speculative message to say hello

2. Woman responds with her PW saying here is my photo, send me a pic and if we both like the look of each other we can exchange a few messages and see if we want to meet up soon.

That speeds it up even more as the man may not respond again, so she has less messages to go through. So she has been weeded out and therefore does not have to weed herself unless they respond!

Conradd - 15 Oct, 2022 - 03:41PM


Also I recognise some women get overwhelming numbers of messages (common to dating apps and even things like Twitter) so with limited time and head space they need to weed out as many as possible

Go on even Twitter and see how many women say they are sick of DMs and as such wont respond or have disabled them

Thats not even a dating app

Watch Wheat Waffles on YouTube if you want to understand the vast attention many women get on social media and dating apps

Conradd - 15 Oct, 2022 - 03:34PM

Bob. 01.51 pm

I totally understand where you’re coming from on how up front photo insistence can seem curt and sorta mechanistic but I personally have no problem with such, for me if it’s a non starter look-wise then get that done n dusted up front

Conradd - 15 Oct, 2022 - 03:28PM


Looks are subjective of course but on average we all apply an attraction rating within about half a second, subconsciously

There are specific facial features which determine male face attractiveness such as:

Predator or prey eyes - prey eyes such as wide round bulbous eyes can subconsciously make a male appear weak, a prey animal

A strong jaw, deep from chin to neck is more attractive than a sloth ‘jaw’

I am very thin on top, not attractive to quite a lot as signifies decline

Bobb20 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 01:51PM


I agree with you. However, there is ‘early on’ and there is ‘I will not even send you a first message unless I have seen your clear face photo’.

To me this is a complete turn off, as it feels to me that the other person is trying to be far too controlling, so it is a straight ‘no’ from me.. The counter arguement is ‘I get so many messages from men that I’m not wasting any time on messaging if I do not fancy them’.

I do wonder what would happen if I sent photos, had approval, so asked for some back and then in response said ‘nah, I’m not keen on your pics, not for me so not going to waste my time messaging you’! I assume women (or men who use this approach), would then be a tad miffed and possibly upset.

I wouldn’t do the above as I’d rather be a nice person and can only see harm in causing possible upset in life. Heck we all have issues to face, and I believe we are all looking for a little cheer/intimacy/excitement/positive feelings by being on here.

 2 members like this comment.

1552714 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 01:25PM

What’s the problem in sharing your password early on? Most people like to see who they’re talking to so it’s unfair to engage in a long exchange only to find you’re not attracted to each other. Nothing worse than stringing someone on then saying ‘sorry you’re not my type’ - waste of time.

 5 members like this comment.

53789 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 12:33PM

Personality for me,if she makes me laugh,she's in ,100%

Musicboy - 15 Oct, 2022 - 12:17PM

Looks are so subjective. Many say that personalty is the key but as has been said here you get to photo password stage and you know by the silence that the barriers have gone up. It's happened to me, both ways. Perhaps we are all just more shallow than we make out on our profiles? There are honest ones out there , very specific, 6'0 plus Greek God look only reply etc. I still think an emotional connection is far more important than looks but they do, and surely must, play a part

 2 members like this comment.

hoty20 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 12:09PM

I like chatting to a person and when I see our conversation is fun I do then share pw. I do find thou that pic sharing most man like a women caked up with makeup..I am a natural beauty inside and out , love good sex as I am always horny, and been single is a bonus...we al have features that over a time time well spent together one realises.. Some man look at Education and think oh she is not my cuppa tea even without getting to know the person. I strictly would not date anyone close to 60..I do read profiles of any who messages me and ,if I think he is of interest I will respond, but if you close to 60 and live outside Scotland I most likely wont..

 1 member likes this comment.

atticus_foxxx - 15 Oct, 2022 - 12:03PM

To be fair, and as shallow as it sounds, I have often heard mention (from contributors to forums on other sites) is the disappointment of "chatting" with a potential AP only to pic exchange and not be attracted to them physically.

More often than not, we find ourselves on this site because something is lacking in our current dynamic. Usually, its the intimate connection between us and another. There are many facets to this. Physical attraction is one, most don't want to admit it because of how shallow it sounds. But, I question at times, if there was no option to hide pics (such as on other "dating apps/sites"), or to leave bios blank or have "generated assistence" would people still gets the same number of connections.

I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. Be it looks or personality. Im good with that. Like most, I just don't appreciate the time and effort invested into someone to be all for nothing.

No one likes to be rejected, most feel that in some small way in their marriage hence they come here

 3 members like this comment.

1553944 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 10:48AM

I think being physically attracted to the person is important. I like to swap pw's as soon as possible and then go on to discover is we are compatible in other areas.

 3 members like this comment.

1555192 - 15 Oct, 2022 - 10:05AM

Personality can be the biggest turn on or turn off. Everyone views people differently. One mans desire is not the same as the next.

Personally I think you have to have a both physical attraction and also fall for the personality.

EmnEm123 - 13 Oct, 2022 - 09:37PM


Nothing guarantees good sex, certainly not a silly, little online test.

You could fancy the pants off of someone, doesn't mean they know what they're doing in bed.

 2 members like this comment.

Conradd - 13 Oct, 2022 - 08:52PM

I like pretty much all boobs but love small boobs especially, kinda nubile

Beckysharp - 13 Oct, 2022 - 08:51PM

If you can’t have good sex with someone you have chemistry and attraction with… not good!

 1 member likes this comment.

stoicix - 13 Oct, 2022 - 08:24PM

Beckysharp, fair enough. However, instant chemistry and attraction is no guarantee of good sex. Can say that from experience.

Filtering on instant chemistry and attraction possibly improves the odds of avoiding disappointment. And certainly helps to shortlist when you many to choose from.

Beckysharp - 13 Oct, 2022 - 03:53PM

Just because 2 people are compatible on paper or via a website doesn’t mean they’d be compatible in reality!

For me I need instant chemistry and attraction. Without that I’m not interested if we’d technically be compatible.

 4 members like this comment.

stoicix - 13 Oct, 2022 - 07:29AM

I am assuming many here are looking for two things - sex, the physical part; and the connection, the emotional part.

For better sex compatibility is key. Sure both partners can hit their orgasm, if that's the end goal, even without a lot of compatibility. But for one that you will remember for a long time, one that fundamentally alters your list of desires from the next sexual encounter, it's better to have that compatibility. A good check here is to a test on https://bdsmtest.org - doesn't matter the reference to BDSM.

How long it take to understand compatibility? You will need to have a level of trust to discuss this in the first place, and a level of anonymity on IE helps. But you should be open to discuss this.

The second one, connection, takes time. And can be built before or after sex. Sex can even open up the vulnerability and space to connect deeper.

In my experience, taking a long time to chat, without exploring sexual compatibility can lead to not amazing sex.

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 08 Oct, 2022 - 07:31AM

I have had some good looking guys interested in me ...but I have found them superficial..profoundly boring...dull as dishwater.....you don't need to find a guy that looks like he's been chasing parked cars because we all know 'some physical attraction ' is required....Middle of the road guy with intelligence and dosent need a personality for Xmas is good in my books😁

 2 members like this comment.

UShallNotPass - 07 Oct, 2022 - 03:25PM

In my mind they are very much intertwined. A great personality can be overshadowed by a face that looks like it has been hit by a bus and equally, a lovely face cannot make up for a dull, vacuous personality.

The only reasons why 'body off baywatch, face off crimewatch' situations work is 1) doggy style and 2) paper bags.

 1 member likes this comment.

Countess J - 05 Oct, 2022 - 03:58PM

I've dated truly handsome men who had the worse personalities. I've dated handsome men who had god awful hygiene. So now I am very specific in my profile. I prefer not to smell your breath or look at your dirt encrusted fingernails as you butter your bread. I need a man who gets me on Day 1. I'm not difficult to understand and I expect a date to put forth the effort to woo me. That's where personality comes into play. Make me laugh. I'm a dog lover so send me a funny clip. Have my favorite chocolates or flowers delivered...just cause you were thinking about me. It really is quite easy to have an award winning personality!

 1 member likes this comment.

Petty232 - 03 Oct, 2022 - 01:46PM


Bobb20 - 02 Oct, 2022 - 08:13PM


You need not worry anyway, I’ll not be sharing any further personal info on these boards .

I am not here to fight with anyone - or to verbally abuse anyone, so apologies if I was rude to you in any way.

I would rather we all kept it civil. A bit of friendly give and take banter is good, to have people with differing opinions is also really good, and in fact enlightening, but some comments just go too far and are not pleasant for anyone to read.

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 02 Oct, 2022 - 07:45PM


In no way am I bragging -and I have no intention of trying to impress on this message board. If my profile is not what someone is looking for that’s fine. That is literally all I wish to sell myself with (unless I decide to put up a personal pic avatar as some do).

I genuinely like hearing what people do - I like reading that Dotty G enjoys leisurely afternoons in a nice hotel with her IE, in fact I even like reading Blueboy entertains in the back of his van, and Conradd has 5 houses (EmmEmm or someone posted the latter,, so I have no idea whether he told her this in a private message, he posted it on the board or it is in his profile).

I take all of these at face value and assume all true. I have no reason to doubt it.

I feel no jealousy about any. Why should Dotty be satisfied with a quick poke in MacDonalds loos! And why shouldn’t Conradd say he is successful in work/business!

I don’t see it as bragging, I see it as sharing a little of their life story.

 3 members like this comment.

Red Succubus - 02 Oct, 2022 - 06:41PM

I think more to the point EE doesn’t like a bragger who thinks it will impress the ladies.
I’m with her on that.

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 09:05PM

Sooner or later people end up revealing their true characters ... "give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves" 😏

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 08:57PM

TSOMS - 08:50PM

Because they (both men & women) are cowards! 🤷🏻‍♀️

1551029 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 08:50PM

Why do people just block you for no reason, rather than just tell you they're not interested?

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 08:20PM


If 99% of women want a man over 6ft talk then I think it is as likely that 99% of men will want a young blonde women with big boobs (another words both are untrue).

The fact that both you and Beckysharp has both said you do not fall into this bracket but are not short of admirers proves my point.

You are obviously one of those big women who do not like it when people stand up for themselves!

Don’t worry, I certainly will not be sharing any private things with you, that’s for sure.

EmnEm123 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 08:17PM


Me too, I won't be reaching for the bottle of bleach!

 3 members like this comment.

Beckysharp - 01 Oct, 2022 - 08:12PM

I’m brunette and it didn’t seem to put off tall guys!

 2 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 08:05PM


Red Succubus said nothing of the sort.

I said I want/need a man over 6ft, as I am 5'11".

What young, blonde and big boobed has anything to do with it, I don't know.

I'm obviously getting older so things are different, when I was younger I had absolutely no complaints about my small breasts and 34" inside leg!

Are you turning into one of those little men who takes the huff when everyone isn't agreeing with them.

Please do keep your private stuff to yourself.

No-one cares or would be impressed by who you met last week.

Try to be reasonably real!

 4 members like this comment.

Red Succubus - 01 Oct, 2022 - 06:38PM


I never said that about women, think you’re getting me mixed up with someone else


Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 06:18PM


I’m not trying to drag to anyone - I don’t need to.

…and don’t worry, I’ll keep all of my private stuff private in future.

If you seriously believe that 99% of women want a man over 6ft tall, which is taller than average - then I just hope you are young with blonde hair xmas big boobs - otherwise you are stuffed.

I’ll not post again on this subject so cheerio.

Red Succubus - 01 Oct, 2022 - 04:35PM


This is hilarious, I don’t really care who you met last week. Exactly keep your private stuff private unless you want to brag because you think it will bag you an IE here and there 🙄

 2 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 04:21PM


You should at least be doing well in one out of the three as you have five houses, I presume you can't be short of a bob or two!

As for the men complaining about women looking for tall men, I doubt women who are under 5'6" are too bothered about a man being over 6ft, could be wrong.

As I am 5'10", obviously taller in heels it is an absolute requirement for me and why not?

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 04:20PM

….and the best bit I’ve not even told you all yet

I was just leaving ….and the birthday lady only comes over and says … I know you!!

Turns out I dropped my daughter off about twice at a pre school around 8 years ago! How she remembered me off the back of that I have no idea, but very impressive memory (or once you have seen my face you never forget it! So don’t look or you’ll take the vision to your grave!)

RS. Why would I want to impress you? I’ve told all about my Friday night - go on then, what did you do?

I have no reason to lie. Money is interesting, but certainly does not impress me. Shows people work hard (someone mentioned Conradd is loaded, again I’m not impressed by a bank balance, but I’ll give credit to him, he must have worked hard for it, so in that respect, good luck to you Conradd).

If only you all knew who I met the previous week! I was seriously impressed with her contacts and friends!

But I’ll keep all of my stuff private from now on.

Conradd - 01 Oct, 2022 - 04:02PM

Women want all the sixes if Tik Tok vids are anything to go by;

6ft +
6 inch +
6+ figure income

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 03:25PM

TBH - 02:38PM

Ain't (IE Forum) life full of disappointments, eh? 😵‍💫

Deffo cannot underestimate a short guy with a beautiful tall woman AND five businesses ... wow what a guy ... as RS says, he needs to join IE! 😉

TheBoredHousewife - 01 Oct, 2022 - 02:38PM

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 02:19PM

Here I was, all geared up for sordid tales of pub loo sex, sex in a supercar (ok might need a van if in a group), but all they were doing was talking business on a Friday night 🤦🏻 Never underestimate a short guy that manages to bag a beautiful tall woman though!

Bobb20, you know I jest 😊

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 02:19PM

TBH - 01:42PM

More like group sex ... oh and don't forget the Lambo although that doesn't have much room unless they are contortionists ... but probably lots of room at the five businesses ... 😉

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 02:03PM

Thought we were on the subject of tall MEN, not tall TALES!!! 😲🤣

 3 members like this comment.

Red Succubus - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:53PM

Is that supposed to impress me? If only you knew about my Friday night!

Why don’t you get your mate to join IE then things might get a little bit more interesting 😏

 1 member likes this comment.

Red Succubus - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:45PM

Don’t worry, I will 👍

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:42PM


In fact if you want to know more detail - gym guy owns 5 businesses, has a Lambo (full size not toy) and wants to chat to me about finance and investments - as he says he always liked me and admired me and we got on so well. Sort of a local mafia family as they all own lots of land etc.

His best mate is from a well known former ‘crime’ family in London!

All true.

I wasn’t going to bother posting the above as it sounded off the scale - but there you go.

Sorry if your Friday night was not as exciting - maybe next week.

 2 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:42PM


Thank you. Not long now before the bored one gets busy again 😊

And you got telephone numbers! Lots of material for a future IE best seller….involving you, gym mate, best mate, 2 tall, beautiful ladies and ….. Danny DeVito’s cousin 😜 That is definitely not a threesome!

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:34PM


They have separate men and lady loos.

You never finished a meal and thought it seemed a good time to use the loo before going to the bar (which is where my ex-gym buddy came up to me and we chatted before introducing me to his wife and mate etc).

Think what you like. I know the truth

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:32PM

RS - 01:23PM

Must be one if those trendy "Gender Neutral" toilets ... 🤔🤭

Red Succubus - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:23PM


So the three of them went to the toilets together?

Sounds like your wet dream mate. Ever thought about writing short fiction stories? 👏

 2 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:19PM

Sorry to disappoint BH.


Only the one attractive lady for this guy.

Sadly, nothing to see here, it’s back to living up to your forum name, house chores and book :-(

well until you see your IE next ….

TheBoredHousewife - 01 Oct, 2022 - 01:08PM


No threesome story? A slow Saturday pm indeed on IE.
Back to my book and house chores 😂

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 12:31PM


Was not ducking your Q at all, I didn’t realise you were asking me one.

As it happens it turned out to be a very interesting evening, for I got talking to the ladies and the shorter guy!

They were not leaving as I thought, but going to the loo.

Turns out was a group meal, for a 50th (birthday girl was not one of women).

So, one of the ladies, tall and dark hair, turns out to be the wife of a guy I used to know from the gym. The other, tall blonde lady, is the girlfriend of his best mate, who is the 5ft 6in guy.

So not a threesome, not work colleague, not a lady of the night, but one genuine tall woman and one genuine shorter guy.

I’ve actually exchanged phone numbers, so may meet up again with my ex-gym buddy, and he might bring his best mate! Not sure about the ladies.

Seems I posted a bit early in the evening! :-)

See, you never know who you are going to meet or what you are going to end up talking about (or which tall lady will end up giving you a hug and cheek kiss)

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 12:20PM

TBH - 12:02PM

We are lucky with our height as most average height men are taller than us ... I too have had the height spectrum from average to tall ... agree it does depend on the individual. However, I will admit I still prefer a 6 foot and above man ... currently with a 6'2" ... doesn't need to make up for anything either!

TheBoredHousewife - 01 Oct, 2022 - 12:02PM

Once dated a slightly taller, younger version of Danny DeVito. He made me laugh to no end, sex was out of this world. Have also been with 6’5 men who have amounted to a lot less. Height doesn’t matter to me as it doesn’t take much to tower over yours truly. It may well be important for a taller woman. Sometimes when you have a physical shortfall, you make up for it in other ways - charm, charisma, making the woman smile, dedication, and maybe too, an insane amount of stamina and creativity.

 1 member likes this comment.

Beckysharp - 01 Oct, 2022 - 11:52AM

Sorry @Bobb20. I thought you were referring to the ‘6ft and over’ a lot of women ask for.

Back to the threesome… 😉

Paula99 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 11:50AM


Danny Devito as opposed to Lurch...come on..🤣🤣

ExoticOrchid - 01 Oct, 2022 - 11:36AM

Beckysharp - 10:28AM

Unfortunately there aren't any Hemsworth doppelgangers on IE ... except in their minds ... you'll have better luck in real life for sure!

I'm disappointed Bobb20 did not answer my question!
I suppose it's not easy trying to be all things to all and tip toeing on the Forum trying not to give offence.

 5 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 11:36AM

Becky sharp

I’m not in the least bit worried personally, as it doesn’t really affect me either way, for I’m 5ft 10in and bang in the middle of normal. The vast majority of women will be shorter than me and only outliers higher.

I suppose I am sticking up for those guys on here that may be around the 5ft 6in height range - as I feel in Avesta people like Blueboy bully them into thinking they are less worthy.

I guess if it is true that men only want young blonde women with big boobs, then I am also wrong on the height issue.

 2 members like this comment.

1542317 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 11:21AM

Bobb you are talking cobblers if you think a tall well built man isn’t what ladies find desirable

They ain’t here for a Danny Devito lookalike my friend

 1 member likes this comment.

Beckysharp - 01 Oct, 2022 - 10:28AM

I wouldn’t worry too much about the height thing @Bobb20. For some women it’s top of their wish list for some it’s not.

Wish lists can become a little more unrealistic online perhaps? I always assume that if I’m not being inundated with offers from Hemsworth Dopplergangers in real life it’s unlikely to happen on here (sadly)!

If someone is looking for something you’re not just move on 🤷‍♀️

 1 member likes this comment.

Beckysharp - 01 Oct, 2022 - 10:05AM


I mean nothing says guaranteed threesome more than seeing a hobbit with 2 ladies on his arm


 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 09:53AM

The flip side is seeing a 5 ft 2 ish woman with 2 6 ft guys and the reaction is different...

Ok they could be work colleagues in a conference room...chances are they won't be family members or at a wedding( give away)....they could be hotel staff( but the uniforms are another give away).

Hmmmm..I wonder🤔🤫

Bobb20 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 09:19AM


Yes, unusual to see such a height discrepancy, which is why I was chuckling to myself.

Let’s face it, most women are not 6ft tall (though my cousin did marry a woman of 6ft 3in). The average height of a woman is 5ft 4 in, and a man 5ft 10in.

Tall guys who are well built like to think they are the only ones that are desirable, but that is total cobblers.

It’s like me saying young blonde women with big boobs are preferred by men and 99% of those who do not look like this will be left on the shelf! I’m sure we have lots of (mostly) non-blonde big boob young women on this site who are very successful in finding a partner.

1542317 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 06:54AM

Exactly EO

I mean nothing says guaranteed threesome more than seeing a hobbit with 2 ladies on his arm

Bobb, you are using one example where it appears a smaller man has succeeded (and I emphasise “appears”) to prove that small guys have just as much chance

You need to face facts that those vertically challenged, 99% of the time will be left on the shelf as most ladies prefer a taller man

Is what it is

 1 member likes this comment.

1543224 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 12:38AM

Looks are completely secondary for some of us, and in fact someone's looks can grow on you. IE's picture setup is dreadful, let's face it, even your best pic is being viewed in grainy low resolution misery.

When I got talking to my former paramour, I did see her pics but they did nothing for me, but it didn't matter. Her conversation was amazing, we had a rapport, and we fell for each other's personality, voice, sense of humour, everything.
When we did finally meet in person I immediately fell for her, she wasn't like her pics. To me she was far better, just so gorgeous to my eyes. I loved her for the next year that it lasted.

IE pics are unkind to everyone. If you're getting on at all, then swap on kik, or go for a coffee or tea. You might fall in love if you're not careful.

Paula99 - 01 Oct, 2022 - 12:36AM

Unfortunately...what we see is not always correct?....they may be paid employees ....could be his sister's or other family relatives...could be a couple of escorts..which is the most likely

If hes paying for it......Goodluck he's gonna need it with 2 women...🤣🤣😍

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 30 Sep, 2022 - 11:54PM

B20 - 10:40PM

You have it on good authority that these two tall women are both in a relationship with this short man? 🤔

 3 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 30 Sep, 2022 - 10:40PM

I’m currently sitting in the bar, next to my gym, having a refreshment ….but that’s by the by, I am posting to say I’m chuckling to myself as a normal looking guy, though only about 5ft 6in (if that), has just left after a meal with these two stunning women, who tower above him.
All this talk about women only going for guys of 6ft plus goes out of the window in real life I’m afraid:-) Sorry to disappoint those who insist it is true.

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 30 Sep, 2022 - 09:09PM

There is a predominant amount of woman wanting to be the Penelopy Pit-Stop and men wanting to be their Hooded Claw. But not everyone.

To some, a powerful Lion of a man, who is restrained by soft black rope, head back, mouth agape in uncontrollable ecstacy, with his beautiful arms outstretched above his head and his beautiful back arching, is the most erotic thing imaginable!...Or so I hear, obviously I wouldn't know about such things, of course, adhearing to societal norms as I do...

Yawn....there isn't enough wine in the house to deal with the other shizzle.

 2 members like this comment.

Conradd - 30 Sep, 2022 - 04:20PM

Looks and personality are of equal importance.
Something fascinating to me is the almost ubiquitous request for the male candidate ms to be dominant or tending towards dominant in intimacy.

This speaks volumes and I suspect is a rejection of married partners who are somewhat emasculated , keen to underscore their progressive outlook which seems to be the opposite of what women seek In their sexual desires.

Society frames the ideal of manhood to be a guy on a pussy march banging his tambourine for sisterhood, but he seems to go to the back of the bedroom queue for not being sufficiently dominant

 1 member likes this comment.

Kevinm7 - 30 Sep, 2022 - 03:22PM

I would rather see a pic early on. There is no point chatting to someone in a long drawn out process then find you.arent attracted to each other.

Intro message
Small talk
See pics
Build up rapport and chat If there is an attraction and see if you get on

 2 members like this comment.

LosTWcause71 - 30 Sep, 2022 - 01:28AM

Here is the rub!
ou have strong thighs and the capability to have good sex but not with your abandoned partner. if like women you hit the 60's you are marginalised (as a male) and left completely adrift. Some men grow up and realise what intimacy is; they can share that but, they face the opprobrium (look it up) of being a letch - no win for some of us!

Bobb20 - 29 Sep, 2022 - 12:26PM

Of course these days we can all identify as whatever we wish. I am therefore an incredibly attractive, highly intelligent, gentleman, of athletic build, who has a huge bank account and an even bigger xxxx, with women regularly falling at my feet due to my enchanting personality.
I seek an IE with a lady on here, to make her feel special, it is not the others I am interested in, it is you!

Just as much truth in the above as in many profiles on IE I’m sure :-)

 2 members like this comment.

Dotty Green - 29 Sep, 2022 - 12:05PM

Bobb20 - 29 Sep, 2022 - 12:01PM

Bobb20 - 29 Sep, 2022 - 12:01PM


You forgot to add modest to your list 😆

 1 member likes this comment.

mipaulac - 29 Sep, 2022 - 02:52AM

you sound like a honest and open lady who acknowleges what the real purpose of this site is without being manipulative, mercenary and financially motivated x

leggysheila - 28 Sep, 2022 - 10:53PM

I always offer my password It's there so you can see what your getting XXX

 2 members like this comment.

1550864 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 10:18PM

One addition to my last point, I think it’s essential to see who I am chatting with. There has to be an attraction.

 1 member likes this comment.

1550864 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 10:16PM

Right, my views… I’m a handsome, athletic man working in financial services, and definitely think being a generic good looking guy helps in career. On here, I think trust and personality are critical. Illicit meetings can be amazing with anyone, but they have to be fun. Also, to be honest, if I am open to a discreet affair, I want to explore my fantasies and that means being open and flirty

1550864 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 10:12PM

New to this - saying hi

EmnEm123 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 09:31PM


You like someone who looking for a real affair, not money, so for you it's personality.

Are you seriously suggesting that anyone good looking is only after money?

How ridiculous!

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 06:18PM

Its all about how you wear your attire?

Wear your jeans ..western style...no builders arses...no saggy pockets and no underwear on show...

As for beards they have been trendy for a few years now....but the Bin Laden look isn't good...if your beard is trimmed short ..nose hair and furry ear hair removed..eyebrows tidied up....it does look attractive for an older guy...as for younger guys ..some have baby faces so the beard makes them look older ..

Some women like it....others don't...!

 2 members like this comment.

Bobb20 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 04:40PM

Lorelai Gilmore

I totally agree. Women can easily have threading or waxing to remove it 😆.

Jesting aside, I personally think beards give guys an ‘old man’ look, but appreciate that view probably makes me the old man!

The jeans underneath the bum on guys is also a hideous look unless you are a trendy rapper, for anyone over the age of 25 surely it just gives a builders bum look rather than a trendy backside look.

But heck, what do I know. It you think you rock it and it attracts then go for it!

Eliza Boo - 28 Sep, 2022 - 04:23PM

My opinion is we are all more than the sum of our parts.

Except in the case of Beards. Beards I can not do! (Squirms as if being chased by giant spiders...) x

1548969 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 02:49PM

AAGilfan - 28 Sep, 2022 - 01:40PM
Well spotted on the typo 😊

Paula99 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 02:49PM

Chrisser.....there is always a choice on both sides...yes we don't pay a premium but that doesn't mean we take the blame for guys not getting any action...

Its up to each individual to 'increase' their odds...🤗

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 02:18PM


You say women have the choice to accept or ignore, but men have the same choice. Takes two to tango. We all have the same choices on here (men just pay for membership to make them)

 1 member likes this comment.

Chrisser - 28 Sep, 2022 - 01:59PM

I’m sure she doesn’t want to meet a douche bag but someone who is Like minded and naughty, but that doesn’t make them a douche bag.

AAGilfan - 28 Sep, 2022 - 01:40PM

Hey LadyM Surely a douche bag is exactly what you do want to meet. Something discreet, tucked away keeping some of your personal interesting secrets, to be taken out and used when you want some pampering and make yourself feel better to face the world. And who knows, something inside that makes things buzz.......😁😁

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 01:36PM

Well put 👏...D and I

Paula99 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 01:34PM

As Clodhopper used to say....

You can't make this up....🤣🤣

 1 member likes this comment.

discreteandillicit - 28 Sep, 2022 - 01:31PM

I think that there has to be a physical attraction. Then, if you like the personality they get more and more physically attractive. And if you don't like their personality their physical attraction wanes. They are inextricably linked,and in my opinion both are required for a successful liaison

 3 members like this comment.

secretflirt68 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 01:11PM

Both matter. What I would say, is that you can get a good idea of someone's personality fairly quickly with messaging, based on the way they reply. Photos seem like they'll be a good indicator, but they really aren't. Filters, flattering angles, old photos can all make the person look much better than they really are face-to-face, but also some people just take a crap photo, and may be a lot more attractive face-to-face than the photo. So for me, personality is the primary factor in working out whether I'd want to meet - but if there's no physical attraction when you get face-to-face, no point in carrying on.

1548969 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 12:51PM

We don’t want to be meeting a right douche bag do we?

Chrisser - 28 Sep, 2022 - 12:16PM

Has to be a bit of both I think, attraction and a good personality. Plus women are allowed to have a shopping list and they do have the choice to select or ignore.

 2 members like this comment.

1516443 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 11:50AM

I like somebody that is after a real affair, not money so for me it's personality.

 3 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 11:32AM

Bedside Manners...

Have you not heard of compromise...and they say women have shopping list 😁😁

Just looked at your profile and it gives nothing away but in your last statement it tells me everything about you...🤔

Good luck to the woman who gets around your preferences.. 🤐

Bobb20 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 11:18AM

Bedside Manners

Exactly - and unless you have both boxes ticked, it’s hard to see how you would get any enjoyment from a closer encounter.

You have to at least like someone and to find them moderately attractive to want to take further. In my opinion anyway.

 1 member likes this comment.

Cassie1963 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 11:09AM

Oh I must be so shallow but the guy I chat with really does have to appeal to me with his looks!

 1 member likes this comment.

1550716 - 28 Sep, 2022 - 10:39AM

Totally understand - there are quite a few women that I get to chat to in "the real world" and enjoy talking to, and maybe spend time with, but don't fancy - and some that I quite fancy, but their personality is perhaps irritating, or conversation banal.

 1 member likes this comment.

Bobb20 - 27 Sep, 2022 - 10:32PM


Do you not do the same though? I do.

I actually applaud women for taking the time to sift through and find someone they want to engage with, and to be honest, if I sent a first message and a lady was not interested in me, I’d rather get no reply - saves a lot of time.

Obviously if you have sent a few messages and a PW then rather rude not to say thank you but no thank you.

You probably think I am just saying this - but I’m not! I think it is fine.

Paula99 - 27 Sep, 2022 - 10:17PM


Love a bit of Hammer House of Horror..


EmnEm123 - 27 Sep, 2022 - 09:54PM


Too ugly for horror films?😂

How about Christopher Lee as Dracula, I find him very attractive?

Paula99 - 27 Sep, 2022 - 09:39PM


You should count yourself lucky ... at least you had a polite civilised reply....most guys winge about not getting a response..being ghosted..or we have a agenda..🤔

Guys/women think that adding labels to everything suggests success

Do the British thing ...carry on regardless....don't get me wrong rejection isn't nice but but if she said your too ugly for horror films then I would be giving you a different response..😊😊

1542317 - 27 Sep, 2022 - 05:31PM


Most ladies here are not gonna risk their marriage for a guy that doesn’t tick literally every box….. and they have a lot of boxes we need to tick

 1 member likes this comment.

1549970 - 27 Sep, 2022 - 04:14PM

I must confess that it can be ever so slightly irritating to be happily chatting away with someone then suddenly when you give your pw to get a
"Not for me. Good luck with your search"

Bobb20 - 27 Sep, 2022 - 03:41PM

Not sure there are too many beaches central though :-)
Last time I was at the coast, lots of people had made the trip from Birmingham.
Talking of Birmingham, too late now, but we could have had a Commonwealth Games meet up for those into Sport :-)
For those north of Birmingham, another meet venue - Blackpool or somewhere like that? Anyone for the ‘Big One’ ;-) …..heck I’m full of the hideous jokes today! 😁

FluffyClouds - 27 Sep, 2022 - 02:12PM

Bobb -

If you do organise something it has to be central, not Bournemouth.

 2 members like this comment.

FluffyClouds - 27 Sep, 2022 - 02:11PM

I did speed dating once years ago with a friend. Her ex boyfriends best mate was there which was 'interesting', they just ignored each other for 3 minutes.🤣

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 27 Sep, 2022 - 09:17AM

Bobb20 - 26 Sep, 2022 - 10:26PM

hahahahaha sounds like great fun

Bobb20 - 26 Sep, 2022 - 10:26PM

Speed dating - now there is something I always really fancied and never got the chance to do.
3 minutes or whatever to sell yourself and to find out about the other on the other side of the table.
Sadly doesn’t work looking for an IE of course ….unless…. yes, I know, I could tie it into the beach meet and drinks in the evening ;;-)
Speed dating with only IEs present.
Full of ideas I am - I reckon IE should give me a free membership here to keep them coming (even able to sneak an unintended innuendo in) 😀

 1 member likes this comment.

1524589 - 26 Sep, 2022 - 09:42PM

From experience, looks definitely wins the day. I’ve had some great chats with women on here, building up some great rapport but once the pw subject comes up, that’s it if you don’t pass muster. I always wonder if we all met in a discreet room a la speed dating, how many couples would click that previously wouldn’t be touched with a barge pole!

 2 members like this comment.

Mistee - 11 Sep, 2022 - 12:07AM

I agree. Gotta like the look of someone!

 1 member likes this comment.

1541283 - 02 Sep, 2022 - 03:10PM

I think personality is key, I agree there has to be some attraction, but a great personality is more forgiving on those with lesser looks - if you look great but a complete dullard, well you are just a dullard

I spend time getting to know the man, I refrain from taking up the pw, and if the first message is just their pw, well forget it

I do not have a pic on here and for my last three dates have gone blind, just the one was a complete liar, the other two definitely lived up to expectations

 3 members like this comment.

Conradd - 01 Sep, 2022 - 02:48PM

I’m updating my Ideal Partner;

No baggy fannies
No hairy growlers
No fold fungus

 2 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 01 Sep, 2022 - 02:32PM

Green eyes...🤣🤣🤣

 1 member likes this comment.

1487483 - 01 Sep, 2022 - 02:04PM

I look at crotches - as I like taller men, I am just at the right level when sitting down!!!
Lighten up people!!!

 4 members like this comment.

1542000 - 01 Sep, 2022 - 12:27PM


Btw - im not on Social Media so I dont see all that rubbish, although I know it's there. Id love to see a poll here of women who are not bothered about height (being smaller than you is bothered about height). Im bothered about weight but saying that isn't given the same acceptance. I guess thats my point.


1542000 - 01 Sep, 2022 - 12:13PM


I agree. What I see is that women explicitly say (and this is very frequent), must be over X height. I dont think thats a problem at all if thats what you like. My contention is that the same non-judgemental approach wouldn't be afforded me if I cited a specific dress size or weight. I guess my beef is that weight is almost entirely self determined by a person so I guess they are taking offence at weight based preferences as a criticism of themselves in some way?

 4 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 01 Sep, 2022 - 11:50AM


According to the guys on here...we all looking for 6 ft ..6 pack...and 6 brain cells

Everyone is taller than me I am 5 ft 1..

In the case of taller women over 5 ft 10 ...I can understand why they would prefer a taller guy..

There are no height restrictions for me...its just a preference....its just like women with bigger boobs..blonde hair....long legs...

Its social media that puts all of this gobbledygook into your minds...😁

 2 members like this comment.

1542000 - 01 Sep, 2022 - 11:29AM

It's both I believe. Initial attraction can be through engaging chat but the feeling of physical attraction is needed too.
What I find strange in the dating world is the height and weight thing. We all have things we like, (e.g blondes, intelligence, sense of humour etc) so I get why height is s thing for many people. What I dont get is how that is quite widely accepted as ok while weight discrimination isn't? I mean a measure of a persons inner being maybe better understood through knowing weight than height. You have no control over height but with weight it often reflects lifestyle choices. So why is asking someones weight deemed offensive but not asking their height?

 2 members like this comment.

1541744 - 01 Sep, 2022 - 10:36AM

Surely both looks and personality are important and are a set of steps that you both need to go through.
As most of us use an avatar the first attraction has to be mental.
If we get along to the point of exchanging pics (and I have been fortunate enough to only have had pics from some very attractive women) then there has to be the physical attraction.
If you then meet there has to be that frísson.
And all is then we'll.
If I get the message "you uuuglee! But I like talking to you" then thats also cool as I like chatting to people but a pen pal is not what people are ultimatly looking for on here. (Though I may be wrong with this and am happy to be a pen pal)

TheBoredHousewife - 01 Sep, 2022 - 06:33AM


I’ve been messaged a couple of time over the last few days by someone who I had politely said no to before, and parted ways without animosity. Or so I thought. This time round, I tried to reply to his new messages, but found that I was blocked. I assume he forgot he had done so. So now I guess I’ll probably be thought of as ignoring him. Ohwell 🤷🏻‍♀️

EmnEm123 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 10:39PM


Another bitchy little man who has been caught out here recently!🥱

I'm beginning to think a lot of them are completely brainless.

So much for the uni degrees and the even more pathetic , "assortment of roles, "captains of industry"?

A lot of them can't string a coherent sentence together.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

 2 members like this comment.

ThickusDickus - 31 Aug, 2022 - 10:17PM

@FluffyClouds don’t believe the hype 😂😂😭😭

Stec65 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 10:08PM

Personality every time

FluffyClouds - 31 Aug, 2022 - 09:59PM

Plumberdave -

Really? That is so strange. Because I actually did send you my pw (to be fair an open) after I told you, you weren't my type and that I was sorry. You responded with a bitchy comment that I wasn't your type anyway. You then blocked me. So, don't give me that.

 7 members like this comment.

FluffyClouds - 31 Aug, 2022 - 09:50PM

ThickusDickus -

That's one outrageous profile name 😂😂

 3 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 09:48PM

Talk about fish wives!!...never heard so many guys winging in all my life....


 3 members like this comment.

Plumberdave - 31 Aug, 2022 - 09:03PM

What is really annoying is saying that you are swopping passwords so I give mine and then get nothing back. Then try and message to see if there is any attraction only to find you are blocked ! Or not for me sorry and no password back ? Ok I see the point but would be nice just to see who I had been chatting with ??

 3 members like this comment.

Conradd - 31 Aug, 2022 - 05:55PM


The evolution of mate selection based around visual signifiers goes back 200,000 yrs in Homo Sapiens, 8 million in Hominids and our prior descendants 800 million yrs.

Deeply embedded selection drivers you can’t just slip out of

 1 member likes this comment.

ThickusDickus - 31 Aug, 2022 - 05:31PM

I think it’s all about looks. The Acceptable answer is personality but without a physical connection or spark I don’t believe a marriage/relationship can be separated from friendship

 2 members like this comment.

Bukowski69 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 05:30PM

There has to be attraction physically and in personality, surely ? But that does mean everyone should aim for super models or male gym gods.

I actually want to find someone that does find me attractive.... and glad to spend some time with me.

 1 member likes this comment.

EmnEm123 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 05:23PM


Don't mind looking at a bum, but in general where people traditionally meet, in a boozer, you're only seeing them from the waist up.

I don't have big boobs but I have a 33" inside leg, never had any complaints.

Everyone has different tastes.

 3 members like this comment.

FluffyClouds - 31 Aug, 2022 - 05:14PM

EmnEm -

I don't look at crotches. Or bums. I look at face and general quick glance over entire body.

 3 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 05:05PM

One other thing, there seems to be an increasing number of men boring on about "the survey says"?

It's so grim and tiresome, no woman wants a whining man with all his excuses for being completely undesirable and unable to satisfy a woman.

Apparently the women on IE are all bitches and witches.

You know what they say, "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen".

 2 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 04:50PM



There has never been a survey done that states women look at a guy's crotch within two seconds, for what purpose?

It would tell a woman absolutely nothing about the size of his manhood, or as I think you're suggesting, his ability to father children, totally irrelevant here.

As for the boobs on a woman, I wonder how the supermodels manage to attract so many men?

Don't pigeonhole everyone.

 5 members like this comment.

FluffyClouds - 31 Aug, 2022 - 01:58PM

Christo -

Only 2000 odd years of evolution? Think it's a lot more than that. 😂. But you're right. Has to be both, and there has to be some attraction. If I can't imagine kissing them at the very least, then there's no point for me.

 3 members like this comment.

1540093 - 31 Aug, 2022 - 12:18PM

Looks or personality: as Scottie used to say, "ye canna change the laws of physics" or in this case you can't change 2000 odd years of evolution.
Back in the day, at the disco, flashing lights, bloody loud music, your eyes would roam and eventually settle on someone you were attracted to; a physical attraction. Thats always how it starts. It was always my bad luck that once I had asked (shouted) at her if she wanted to dance and she had accepted, "My Sharona" was just finishing and then they played something by The Partridge Family. So she never got to see my moves and inevitably we would drift away. Better luck next time, but never give up. Never, ever give up. One day...
There was a survey done on what men and women look for in the first 2 seconds. Men: face, bosom. Women: face, crotch.
As I said, you can't change evolution.
Of course as time goes on, personality will become ever important, but, oh those first 2 seconds...!

 3 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 30 Aug, 2022 - 07:35PM


If she was such a haughty, cold, waspish old bat, why did you want to see her photos?

You and Martini Rosso still whining and complaining away!!!

 2 members like this comment.

PeterWatts2001 - 30 Aug, 2022 - 06:27PM

So there are real persons here after all .... Sorry, I'm new here! Was definitely concerned for a minute 🤯🍻🍻

Conradd - 30 Aug, 2022 - 05:57PM


I had the misfortune to come across the queen from Sleeping Beauty on here. She’s so profoundly conceited to expect men to proffer their photos but she wont show even her body (fully clothed) to at least give males some sort of guide, but I could just about overlook that waspish arrogance but then she wont even describe her looks beyond the basic outline and made this clear in the most unpleasant off hand manner yet has a long shopping list of all the exacting personality standards any applications must meet.

Imagine knowing a cold old bat like that!

I’ve had a fairly good response on here so far bit the arrogant haughty self centred types are a huge turnoff

 3 members like this comment.

Pleasurepole - 30 Aug, 2022 - 05:38PM

Attraction is a must I’m afraid and to an extent the personality too. For example if you don’t find someone attractive could you kiss and cuddle them.Could you even contemplate sleeping with them? For me it’s a big NO NO. Someone’s personality could have some traits you don’t really like yet some which you find more appealing then you could still have a fun and fulfilling relationship with. I’m sure I’m not the only one on here who thinks along those lines. Hope it helps and good look.

 2 members like this comment.

1541695 - 29 Aug, 2022 - 07:20PM

Secret, unfortunately the nature of Internet dating is that it absolutely stinks for 95% of men. This particular site is one of the worst.

Women here are taking a risk and are super, super, SUPER picky about who they engage with. That doesn't mean you won't find someone, but it does take a particular technique and a LOT of graft.

It's not something you want to do if you are down in any way. You need to be in a good place to ignore the usual suspects who will tell you that "It's exactly the same for women" (it isn't) and that you "need to get over it".

Be strong, brother.

 3 members like this comment.

1412493 - 29 Aug, 2022 - 06:28PM

I’ve had a few conversations that seem to be going very well , then like most of us on here get the request for our PW . Then it goes ether one of two ways silence or sorry not my type followed by silence or being blocked.
Every woman I have chatted to on here all seem to complain about how they are treated on here then nice guy and they treat us just as bad.

Looking at a photo, isn’t always the best way to get a connection.

 7 members like this comment.

Conradd - 28 Aug, 2022 - 08:13PM

Emm Emm I have had success on here and very confident about myself

I was speaking about the mental health toll online is taking on men accross the online dating world caused by the big imbalance of men to women (the real data not the data sites give users)

Its very well studied but I an not here to educate anyone, that would be dull

 4 members like this comment.

Jamie D79 - 28 Aug, 2022 - 08:04PM

Personality, 100%, but then there has to be an attraction

ExoticOrchid - 28 Aug, 2022 - 04:29PM

EE123 - 03:59PM

Apparently a woman is a bitch for not showing empathy to their "suffering" on internet dating sites according to 🍸... 🙄

(what an insult to those actually suffering in war zones, famine, etc)

 4 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 28 Aug, 2022 - 03:59PM


I have certainly never stated that looks don't matter, exactly the opposite.

However, why you are constantly going on about a reality TV programme aimed at teens and twenties on a site for mature adults is beyond me.

You and Martini Rosso seem to be using every excuse under the sun for not being able to meet anyone.

Once again, everyone is entitled to their own preferences, if neither of you are it, too bad.

What is it that you expect the rest of us to do about it?

 2 members like this comment.

1459664 - 28 Aug, 2022 - 03:02PM

Personally speaking, or in this case writing, I have no trouble connecting with females using the written word and everything going well. Then comes the big PW reveal and the stock reply if "you're not my type" or "I'm not attracted to you". We can't change what we look like. I'm not a bad looking man and everyone I know socially likes me, but of course attraction is irrelevant in that scenario. This is always assuming that a female would actually have the good manners to respond to my messages, even to say no thanks, as most do not which is frustrating. What's a 6'2" brown haired, blue eyed boy supposed to do?

 1 member likes this comment.

1483184 - 28 Aug, 2022 - 07:17AM

Martini Rossi , like we don’t all know love island is manufactured guff . Some do very nicely Thankyou out of the back of it . The few weeks faking it is worth it in the scheme of things. I just feel sorry for the younger generation who think this is life and are so insecure they are injecting rubbish into their faces and having boobs and bum lifts to emulate the wallys

 4 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 06:19PM

Martini R...

Superficial...in other words

 2 members like this comment.

1541695 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 05:10PM

Having worked on Love Island, I can tell you that it's all WAAYY more produced than you think. Nobody there is really looking for love, they are looking for brand exposure for their Insta accounts and corporate sponsorships.

The cash prize is a drop in the ocean.

 3 members like this comment.

Bukowski69 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 05:07PM

I think the tech needs updating. There should be a function to share photos within always inputting a pw. So you can share them on the profile with who you want. Or switch off. People do need to see who they are chatting to.

Paula99 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 03:07PM


I do see Love Island for the reality it is...there is nothing psychological about women bitching about other women and other women's boyfriend's...

There is a massive incentive aka being the cash prize....also there are certain people that are let's say undercover and they are there to create the drama...

For reference 2 people have passed away from the effects of that ridiculous programme..so if your going to split hairs remember the otherside..

Of course you like the 'dark side'..😇

Conradd - 27 Aug, 2022 - 02:02PM

Emm Emm

The studies over and again reach the same conclusions so clearly aren’t’nothing’ otherwise they would find differing conclusions

Another example is they had hot guys use lines on women who were then surveyed as to how they describe them. Typically they were described by the women as confident/ attractive/ cheeky and other positive ways

Then they had ugly guys do the same; the descriptions came back as ‘creepy / wierd / offensive’


So try as some might to pretend looks dont matter, they do in most online dating apps where women get significantly more appoaches than men

Btw for the record I’m not bitter, I have a very hot wife and exes, and unlike others have great marital sex

Im on here for a specific sexual need

 4 members like this comment.

Conradd - 27 Aug, 2022 - 01:52PM

There’s a famous study carried out by I think it was Google or FB, called ‘A Thousand Wicked Thoughts, which compared the sexual search terms used by men and women.

The top 5 for men were predictable, but quite different for women.

The top 5 searches by women included Vampire.

So the point is womens sexuality seems to built around quite dark dominant dark triad traits where masculinity is the key driver. Always exceptions of course, I see women on here specifically ruling out dominant type sexuality or aftet much younger men.

One thing I want to get across to men is sex and exotic desire is very much heightened if u can properly tap into the darker side of many (not all) women. Also by being suggestive, anticipation building, blunt sometimes, different and not into pantomime porn type narratives u will increase desire and trigger deep feelings

Dont be too nicey and Beta and a weak petitioner

 2 members like this comment.

Conradd - 27 Aug, 2022 - 01:37PM


The point about Love Island is that you see attraction psychology in action regardless.

It’s striking how women will all reject the same guy for nit being sufficiently masculine in character and looks. Often male models do badly as women say they aren sufficiently masculine or bad boy

1541695 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 12:05PM

Yes Clem Fandango, I can hear you 🤣

You are looking at it from a man's perspective though. If you were absolutely inundated with dozens of women clamouring for attention in your inbox every week, would you spend time getting to know all their personalities or would you just make a shortlist of the hottest ones?

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 27 Aug, 2022 - 11:06AM

Honey, you win some, you lose some ... just like in "real" life ... nothing for me to be "defensive" about ... you're the one with endless gripe about it. 🙄

Put your big boy's pants on and deal with it like a man!

 5 members like this comment.

1541695 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 10:58AM

There is a world of difference between a complaint and simply stating the truth.

Why are you getting so defensive??

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 27 Aug, 2022 - 09:17AM

I've never heard a man complaining on different threads over and over again ... either put up or shut up FFS!!! 🙄

 4 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 08:58AM

Martini R..

You're taking this all very personally 😊

 1 member likes this comment.

1541695 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 07:45AM

Internet dating for women is 1000% about the looks. If you aren't attractive, you're gone.

Yes you may get on fantastically but women know that there is a long line of men queuing up at there door, at least some of which will be both interesting AND attractive.

It's a brutal place for a guy.

 3 members like this comment.

1543224 - 27 Aug, 2022 - 12:43AM

I can definitely fall for someone just for their personality, wit, and warmth. It's happened before, it'll happen again! Looks are fine initially, but I'm more personality driven and someone's looks can, and will appeal to me more when I know and like them more through how they have gelled with me.

 1 member likes this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 26 Aug, 2022 - 11:56PM

QC69 - 05:42PM

Like DG says, I too will share my pw as a matter of courtesy provided it happens after an exchange of messages over a period of a few days.

However I don't feel obliged to give my pw to someone who includes his pw in the *first* message without so much as a hello.

 6 members like this comment.

Macali76 - 26 Aug, 2022 - 11:32PM

Too many women want the man to share their password and then either block them or stop talking to them and dint want to share their pw

 2 members like this comment.

Dotty Green - 26 Aug, 2022 - 05:54PM

QUIETLY CONFIDENT69 - 26 Aug, 2022

If someone shares their password- I will share mine … even if I’m not attracted to the person - I’ll say something like I’m sorry you’re not my type, but in fairness here’s my password….

 3 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 26 Aug, 2022 - 05:42PM


I agree...totally

Just can't see why grown men are fawning all over this bloody reality shite ......its a tv programme with an incentive 😊

QUIETLY CONFIDENT69 - 26 Aug, 2022 - 05:42PM

My angst is that I happy to share my password but it hardly seems to be reciprocated, why? I thought that we are all adults and should be able to share knowing that sometimes our picture might not be liked by the opposite sex.

 1 member likes this comment.

EmnEm123 - 26 Aug, 2022 - 05:02PM


Re Love Island that Conradd is too fond of mentioning.

Not only is it staged, there is a cash prize.

I don't watch the guff but now that I think about it, sex, money, bit dodgy, importuning?

However, as per my previous statement, it is completely irrelevant to adults on this site.

 2 members like this comment.

Dotty Green - 26 Aug, 2022 - 11:14AM

BoredHousewife764 - 26 Aug, 2022 - 10:53AM

Exactly that - that is when you know - straight away the comfort and ease and just being you !!

TheBoredHousewife - 26 Aug, 2022 - 10:53AM

Exactly the same for my IEs. The virtual chats were great. Photos were ok. The real life spark - out of this world. You just know, and I didn’t have to be anything other than myself. No airs and pretences from them either.

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 26 Aug, 2022 - 08:55AM

I agree that is has to be a bit of both, unfortunately whether you think it is shallow or not,there needs to be an initial attraction, I think I have said before it does not mean it has to be perfect, but when I look a photo I have to think yeah there is something. I took a chance on a really pleasant looking guy, was not really my type(going via looks), but the chats we had had I thought, he is funny&charming &a bit cheeky. A glass of wine after work,20 mins top have a pleasant chat make my excuses &leave, nope one glass turned into two more-the chat &flirting was just flowing &then a year long affair ensued.

My current IE - thought he looked very cute, when I met him - his photo did not do him justice, much cuter in real life and again - a quick drink after work (I was on fizzy water as had the car) turned into a couple of hours or chatting &flirting &knowing there was a definite attraction - again if he had been good looking but the conversation had not been flowing would I have stayed? Prob not

 2 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 26 Aug, 2022 - 05:30AM


What is the relevance to love island ....ITS STAGED?

1543134 - 26 Aug, 2022 - 12:24AM

In real life when finding a partner both.
Online it's hard to judge who someone really is. Really shy people can type amazing words but hardly ever speak them.
Confident witty people can come off as cocky.
Meeting someone irl when you look in their eyes and they in yours, you both know that second if you are going to fuck.
But then again my friend asks his wife 15 times to clean the car out.

ScepticalHusband - 25 Aug, 2022 - 11:37PM

Personality is most important to me - it’s not just the face, it’s how you wear it, if that makes sense.

Gregg85 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 10:39PM

Both! Starts with looks and transitions to personality over time. You can’t rush that bit and it’s finding about about someone, their interests, their background, their desires and their secrets which makes dating so fun. After 3 dates If I don’t want to know everything there is to know about a girl then she’s not right for me.

 1 member likes this comment.

Zeno73 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 10:03PM

You're presenting a false choice imv. It's not an either/or , it's the combination of both. And how natural and authentic that is.

 3 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 09:27PM


What goes on in Love Island is completely irrelevant to this site.

As are surveys, statistics say X% of men/women prefer this, that or the other, that you keep mentioning. It means nothing.

It only takes one, he/she might not be here but you never know!

 3 members like this comment.

Marty5555 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 08:44PM

You have got to have the spark.
We all know what we like ....but for me that needs to include intellectual stimulation as well has sexual exploration.
You know simple as..

 2 members like this comment.

Ceecee88 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 07:40PM

Looks are important initially, but personality over rules afterwards. Someone beautiful can become very ugly if they’re horrible x
I also need want to know I don’t know someone in real life too so do like to exchange PW early after a couple of messages x

 1 member likes this comment.

Karinarose - 25 Aug, 2022 - 07:24PM

yes it has happened, unfortunately

ExoticOrchid - 25 Aug, 2022 - 07:03PM

Conradd - 06:05PM

Grown men (women) watch Love Island??? 😲

 4 members like this comment.

Woodsterpete - 25 Aug, 2022 - 06:45PM

It's difficult to answer in a way. For me, someone's voice alone can sometimes be enough to cause an attraction to them. Or a simple unexpected touch that gets the mind going. Personality is great, but sometimes that personality is only enough to ever be friendship and nothing more. I think with an affair, if you're going to risk it all, then you still need that something that makes it worth it. I think it's overall chemistry. You need a mix of both. And there's definitely no specific formula.

 3 members like this comment.

1501574 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 06:14PM

attraction initially is super important if you can’t imagine yourself kissing a person then it’s a definite no, but that said personality is everything and can overcome any obstacle, because if you really like someone and they make you laugh, you’ll forget the rest :)

 1 member likes this comment.

Conradd - 25 Aug, 2022 - 06:05PM

Reality shows like Love Island demonstrate time and again looks are of course the starting gun but no matter how physically attractive it soon sours if there’s o mental / chemistry flowing connection

There was a sculpted Scottish hunk in this yrs series who all the women fancied but every time it fizzled out as he lacked easy going banter and was just too polite so the womem didn’t desire him, couldn’t imagine him flinging them on the bed.

That last point is about raw masculinity and confidence. Too many ‘nice’ guys come across as a-sexual , like they think being ever so accommodating and to the letter progressive is the key to a womens bedroom. Definitely not.

 2 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:58PM

There has to be some sexual attraction...let's face it...

I said something like there is someone for everyone...then I was quickly reminded that Quasimodo could be available....😊

 1 member likes this comment.

Cupitt10 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:56PM

Rs Turbo 👍 🚗

Paula99 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:49PM


Unless it's a Ford Raptor....😍

FluffyClouds - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:41PM

EO -

Honestly, I am NOT 🌞🏖️

ExoticOrchid - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:30PM

EE123 - 04:55PM

Don't know about FluffyClouds☀️🏖 but I've come across a few Reliant Robins!!!

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:29PM


Love it...🤣🤣

1542317 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:26PM

Mange tu

You are talking utter rubbish

Anyone who says looks don’t matter are just unattractive themselves and know that the tubby in the corner is all they will be able to get

 1 member likes this comment.

FluffyClouds - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:10PM

EmnEm -

🤣 🤣

Cupitt10 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:02PM

Hey there’s nothing wrong with Fords 👍😄

MangeTu - 25 Aug, 2022 - 05:02PM

I've met a few from here (been off and on the site for about 14 years) and although it's nice to meet a stunningly attractive woman, that isn't always the be-all and end-all.
In fact the least fun time, was with someone who was 5'10", she had an extremely fit body, with large natural breasts but was quite boring to be with (not just in bed) because she was more in love with herself, than being interested in the men in her life.

The best, by some distance, was overweight, average looking, yet interesting to talk with and could keep me going in bed for hours. We had an affair for nearly two years and quite amazing sex.

Personally, I just need to like her and the rest follows naturally.

 3 members like this comment.

Cupitt10 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:58PM

Thanks for the like ( fluffy clouds)

 1 member likes this comment.

EmnEm123 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:55PM


Are you looking for a Ferrari but being offered a Ford?!!!

 1 member likes this comment.

FluffyClouds - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:44PM

Fidges1 -

I'm sorry, as I have said, there won't be a test drive.

 2 members like this comment.

1517265 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:42PM

Attraction is the starting point - good chat and banter are what will keep me interested 😊

 2 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:37PM


How many times have you seen a guy on here who looks like a Greek god?😂

Of course if someone is an absolute bore it doesn't matter what they look like but finding someone attractive is still important.

Not sure that men really care.How many men would be happy with a ditsy young woman without a couple of brain cells rubbing together, as long as she looks good, probably plenty!

 5 members like this comment.

Fidges1 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:36PM

Come and test drive this dad bod fluffyclouds

Cupitt10 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:13PM

Got to be slightly attractive surely

 1 member likes this comment.

FluffyClouds - 25 Aug, 2022 - 04:13PM

P99 -

I suppose you can get the same scenario with someone who doesn't look like a Greek god too 😂🤣🤣 The duds.

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 03:36PM

He may look like a Greek God but if he can't string a sentence together and is as boring as hell..how are you going get to the bed scenario and what do you do inbetween the sex?
He will need to communicate with you during the sex!!..is he just going to bend you over and ..bang bang bang...ughhhh...all over..🙄...was it good for you love 🙄😖

I would rather get my toys out...🤣

 2 members like this comment.

Fidges1 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 02:59PM

Hi fluffy as long as the connection it doesn’t matter as long as everyone is happy

FluffyClouds - 25 Aug, 2022 - 02:47PM

PooleT69 -

There has to be some attraction in the looks department, it won't go anywhere without it. Then you chat to see you actually get along. Both are required.

 4 members like this comment.

1272856 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 01:45PM

I want my partner to be attractive and to be attracted to me but I wouldn’t be with someone whose personality I couldn’t get on with no matter how attractive she might be.

 1 member likes this comment.

Hootoo - 25 Aug, 2022 - 01:35PM

Looks obviously gets you started but personality is definitively what makes things interesting and a relationship progress….

 1 member likes this comment.

1540704 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 12:30PM

Personality's paramount for me. While physical attraction plays a part, I'd much rather have a relationship with someone who I can have absorbing / humorous conversations with but is unattractive than "a stunner" that I just don't click with

1536788 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 12:12PM

Too much emphasis in society as a whole these days is placed on appearance.
Image above substance is never going to be the basis of a long term relationship (even for an affair).
If you’re one of these people that’s just here looking for notches on the bedstead then looks are going to win hands down.
But if you’re looking for more of a connection then personality becomes increasingly important.
It’s a bit like beer goggles - if you get on with somebody really well then you’re less fussy about looks.
Beauty starts from within.

1541861 - 25 Aug, 2022 - 12:03PM

Both really as having sex without liking the look will make me last shorter in bed than usual 😜

1541695 - 19 Aug, 2022 - 09:59AM

The second scenario never happens - at least not in my experience.

If they don't like the look of you then it ends immediately, no matter how well you clicked before. People want someone they are attracted to and also click with. It's never either/or.

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 15 Aug, 2022 - 12:04PM


Totally agree...I'd I gave my pw to every guy that asked for it then I would be on countless phones...how dies that work?

 2 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 15 Aug, 2022 - 12:16AM


Discretion is paramount, and I will only share my password if I think there is potential in someone. Pestering me for my pw just makes me withhold it more 😊

 1 member likes this comment.

sexfrog - 14 Aug, 2022 - 04:45PM

I believe that you have to take both into consideration. I have found that some people want a pw immediately, which makes me uncomfortable as I am on here to be discreet. If someone should pique my interest by stimulating me mentally, I will only proceed with the additional risk of revealing myself, but then again maybe that's just me.

 2 members like this comment.

1527030 - 13 Aug, 2022 - 03:28PM

Personality is a winner here. I like.to be on the same page, that we can laugh about similar stuff and maybe turn each other on. Looks can be a turn on, but not if they have none of the above.

 1 member likes this comment.

NorthWessexChap - 10 Aug, 2022 - 10:21PM

If I like someone enough the bandwidth of what I find attractive invariably increases. On the same basis I've always found internet dating difficult, as seeing someone 'animated' is often so different than just a photo. Then again I'd call myself a 'Sapiosexual', so if I like the mind the physicality is less important anyway.

 3 members like this comment.

Secret Dom - 09 Aug, 2022 - 02:14PM

They both matter obviously. Personality has to me matched with some kind of physical attraction. You know, it is possible not to be immediately attracted to somebody, but once you get to know them a bit and realise they are on the same wavelength as you, you look at them in a different light.

 4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 07 Aug, 2022 - 09:10AM

clodhopper - 12:43PM

Record or keyboard still stuck? 🤭

 2 members like this comment.

Mad World - 05 Aug, 2022 - 05:58PM

Neither matters
It’s how much is in the wallet

Check out Rod Stewart…Mick Jagger…Wazza Rooney …Trump…and many more …

Not exactly oil paintings or the 2nd coming of Christ.

The Defence Rests

 3 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 05 Aug, 2022 - 05:33PM

Clodhopper....welcome back...

No we don't make this shit up....some of us are respectful....🤣

 2 members like this comment.

Old Sapper - 05 Aug, 2022 - 03:46PM

"Verily Verity - 01 Aug, 2022 - 02:45PM
Nice face with the personality of a dead donkey isn’t going to work is it?"

And how many times does someone who scooped the jackpot in the looks department turns out to have "the personality of a dead donkey"?
You've only got to look at the reporting coming out of a few recent high profile court cases to see that!

 4 members like this comment.

clodhopper - 05 Aug, 2022 - 12:43PM

You just cant make this shit up!

 1 member likes this comment.

Dotty Green - 05 Aug, 2022 - 10:52AM

browneyesblu - 04 Aug, 2022 - 04:40PM\

I did the same, I was fed up with a few bad dates and just not clicking with guys and thought this guy looked nice but not really my type, but we had had great conversations so thought - O blow it just meet him for a glass of wine on the way home from work - worse case you have a glass of wine and go home, we totally clicked and ended up in a wonderful affair that lasted a year - So I do agree until you really meet in person you don't really know how it will go. I think meeting for a coffee/drink there is no harm.

 7 members like this comment.

Mad World - 05 Aug, 2022 - 08:43AM

Just reading the threads and the handbags certain women - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE 😉 - are throwing at each other. Marvellous stuff
Suggestion - hire a wresting ring and sort this out properly between you all.
Ringside seats for the men
Venue, time and date please 🕺

 5 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 04 Aug, 2022 - 10:43PM

To the utter idiots that 'liked' Chezley's comments, wow, no wonder you can't meet anyone.

Again the shame, the guilt, the insults are all on you.

The eight of you should read the threads to see how many times he/she has spewed that out.

Morons, who is talking about shame, guilt or insults?

This is a cheat site, I'm gagging for it, no shame, no guilt!!!

Insults? A lot of you deserve it!

 3 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 04 Aug, 2022 - 06:34PM

What someones race or ethnic background has got to do with the price of eggs is beyond me although I've got to say I would be far more inclined to fancy a black girl describing her self as curvaceous since I feel their natural physique carries it better than others.
In the end being a nice person isn't governed by race, religon, politics or looks and that what matters most.

 3 members like this comment.

browneyesblu - 04 Aug, 2022 - 04:40PM

Yes my last affair she wasn't immediately attracted to me until she agreed to meet then we had explosive sex for 8 months

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 04 Aug, 2022 - 04:06PM

EK - 01:06PM

Aww honey ... you and Chezley are a match made in heaven! Enjoy each other.

I'm not going to waste my time pointing out how infantile and stupid you are with your highly personal attacks on me.

I do pity both you and Chezley and feel sorry for the poor man married to you too.

 5 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 04 Aug, 2022 - 02:53PM

Entitled Karen.....she's back!!!

As poisonous as ever

I am sure you were in the book of genesis🤣

Oh darn it....forgot the golden rule 🙄

By the way I am sure Chezley is old enough to do his own dirty work...

 4 members like this comment.

Chezley - 04 Aug, 2022 - 02:20PM


Youve come back because you NEED to be right.

So you NEED to use


And you will be back, guaranteed.

 9 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 04 Aug, 2022 - 02:09PM


What a silly old fool!

Constantly repeating...


As you have on so many threads on here, perhaps that's just your upbringing.

I see EntitledKaren has suddenly resurfaced after many weeks, is she your supposed other half that you say you sit there laughing at us all about or is she your alter ego ?


Is totally ON YOU!

 7 members like this comment.

Chezley - 04 Aug, 2022 - 01:53PM


And another who NEEDs to be right.

Lets see if the woodwork lifts and we could get a full house.

 9 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 04 Aug, 2022 - 01:16PM


I think you will find that Exotic said exactly what she thinks about race bias. I didn't see anything 'woke' about it.

You love that stupid word, you are far too old for that stupid word.

Although, I have to make exceptions, perhaps you are too Ill educated to recognise your wildly obvious contradictions ?

 2 members like this comment.

EntitledKaren - 04 Aug, 2022 - 01:06PM


Who do you think you are?

Chezley avoided your sly deceit and called your bluff. Trying to bait him about racism, whilst offering no conversation, argument or debate. Look deary, you just dont have the brains for it.

You talk to him in a superior and condescending manner. He is not your employee. Such a crap attitude from you. You are the one with issues.

You are just another greasy old scrubber on the make. No wonder your pointless generations made such a mess of your lives.

 8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 04 Aug, 2022 - 11:42AM

Chezley - 04 Aug, 2022 - 10:55AM
"And now you NEED to be right.

None of which I suffer from but you obviously do.
You really need to get over your obsession with me dear!

 3 members like this comment.

Chezley - 04 Aug, 2022 - 10:55AM


And now you NEED to be right.

 8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 04 Aug, 2022 - 09:43AM

Chezley - 12:56AM

Oh here we go again just when I was thinking you'd gotten over whatever issues you suffer from! 🙄

 4 members like this comment.

Chezley - 04 Aug, 2022 - 12:56AM


Well no shit Sherlock!

You're mentioning race and saying nothing about it.

Are you too woke to poke?

 7 members like this comment.

1432599 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 11:44PM


 2 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 09:38PM


You could have stayed away from the "hijacking" of this thread without posting two comments about how you were staying away.

 3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 03 Aug, 2022 - 09:27PM

Chezley - 08:12PM

Yes but P&D isn't necessarily to do with race though.

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes without race coming into it.

 3 members like this comment.

1432599 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 09:09PM

... with regards to the hijacking of this thread that is ...

1432599 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 09:07PM

Hmmmm ... lots to say ...

But staying away.

 1 member likes this comment.

Chezley - 03 Aug, 2022 - 08:12PM

From the moment you click on a profile you will apply prejudice and discrimination. So what! Your prospective partner is also doing the same with your profile. And then that applies in real time if you meet.

P&d is part of our evolutionary psychology. It's how things get done, it's how YOU were created.

 8 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 03 Aug, 2022 - 08:10PM

P99 ... agree with all your comments.

There is nothing I dislike more than people who play the race card when they don't get what they want, especially in today's bloody "woke" hysteria FFS!!!

I'm not white, blonde and blue eyed ... I'm yellow, dark haired and dark eyed ... take it or leave it ... if someone says "not for me" I don't start on the race issue. Its just the way the cookie crumbles.

 4 members like this comment.

Purple dreamer - 03 Aug, 2022 - 07:40PM

I think you can you be attracted to someone for their chat without seeing their face but agree it can be disappointing if the face does not match the person you have been chatting with I guess you imagine what they will look like and they can be very different , Guess that could be why I am still waiting to meet my perfect guy so my vote is swap passwords quickly

 3 members like this comment.

1432599 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 07:10PM

@Lorelai Gilmore

To me a woman - or anyone for that matter - 'looks after themselves' by presenting themselves exactly how they wish to - that is, not offering excuses as to why something about them is not different to how it it. That obviously includes things like their weight, their general appearance , their level of hygiene ( i guess it has to be said ), and their choice of clothes. Of course, this goes for everyone, men included.

You have to take people on face value and if they are telling you that what you see is not what they want it to be then you might have to conclude that that (tsunamis, downpours, and acts of God aside) is solely down to them - otherwise they have looked after themselves ....

 1 member likes this comment.

Paula99 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 06:50PM

It only takes one person to play the race card....the subject matter of this question pails into insignificance

Golden rules ...don't mention it !!

 3 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 03 Aug, 2022 - 06:29PM

I agree and find it quite depressing some people think this way. From a purely asthetic veiw point I think the general perception is that people of mixed race form the prettiest percentage of humanity since they often combine the best attributes of different races. Personality is the most enduring attribute in the end.

 1 member likes this comment.

1367112 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 05:42PM

It’s so difficult isn’t it? Depends what you’re objectives are. Having established mutual warmth, empathy and trust It doesn’t help the situation ladies if your gallery includes pictures of your intended date in positions known only to gynaecology. Game over, start again… perhaps I’m in the wrong place…🤷🏻‍♂️

 2 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 03 Aug, 2022 - 05:11PM

The only people who find race an issue are the people who find race an issue.
If one personifies any negative stereotypes that go with that race, then that belongs to the perception of the beholder and there is nothing you can do about it. It is their preference. What I find objectionable is that people use the race card and keep honing in on it, either to guilt the other party into a meet (I have experienced this), or charm them into one (stereotypical fascination gets really tiring).

Definitely keep to @P99’s golden rule. Personally I have come to IE with an open mind, to meet lovely men of all colour and creed, and am glad to say I have so far managed to do so.

 3 members like this comment.

EmnEm123 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 04:49PM

Naughy Jason

Like AlphaSally I have never read on here that black women and oriental men are the least chosen, where are you getting this information?

As for everyone being brainwashed into white, blue eyed and blonde, you speak for yourself.

I don't particularly like blue eyes and I've never fancied blonde guys either.

Once again, a person is 100% entitled to find another person attractive or not, that is something we can't control.

 2 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 04:43PM

What is 'too ethnic' got to do with the price of fish?
I certainly don't label folk....what is 'too ethnic'...to me your either ethnic or not..??
Race dosent play a part in my dating history and where do you get your facts and figures?

 1 member likes this comment.

AphaSally - 03 Aug, 2022 - 03:26PM

Naughty Jason,
Care to share where you read who are the least chosen here? Because I haven't experienced that.😊

 3 members like this comment.

Naughty Jason - 03 Aug, 2022 - 12:39PM

Hi Paula99,
You say don't mention race but I think it's important that we all realize that it subconsciously plays a part in our dating lives in the same way as being tall or fat plays a part in how others precieve us. I think what I'm saying is when weve been talking to someone and we like their personality but we reject them when we see their picture because they are 'too cuddly' or 'too ethnic' we need to check ourselves and realize that real change starts with us.

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 03 Aug, 2022 - 11:49AM

Paula99 - you are oh so so so RIGHT!!!! X

 1 member likes this comment.

Eliza Boo - 03 Aug, 2022 - 11:48AM

Can I have clarification guys?...Men's profiles that say they want a woman that "looks after themselves" - is thst just code for being slim, or is it just a general statement of how axeman dresses and is groomed? Are they wanting a woman with long painted nails and a blow-doo?!?! 🤔🤔🤔

Paula99 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 11:44AM

Golden rules....

Don't refer to racism..religion..or politics in any of your statements...we don't want to hear it.. not that I am woke in any way...more non PC if I am honest but let's say the subjects get over worked and rub people up the wrong way 🙄
This is dating website not the House of Commons..🤣🤣

 4 members like this comment.

Mad World - 03 Aug, 2022 - 11:38AM

Why is it only elephants can make it into rooms?
Couldn’t rhinos, hippos, giraffes get in also ?

 2 members like this comment.

Naughty Jason - 03 Aug, 2022 - 11:29AM

I was reading that the people LEAST chosen on this site is black women and oriental men. Now I also know that having a great personality is not a function of race, so the only thing I can conclude is that the people on here are brainwashed into believing that the idea of beauty is white, blue eyed and blond haired.
The elephant in the room is the question when do preferences become a sign of racism?

Kayjason74 - 03 Aug, 2022 - 10:01AM

Maybe I shouldn’t say this but I have had occasion when I’ve got on with the person on chat, shared pic and they’ve said no attraction. I prefer to go on how well we get on and if we click more than looks. I wouldn’t say that I have a type anyway

Hellalady - 03 Aug, 2022 - 08:41AM

A bit of both.......no point having a fit bloke if he has zero personality

 1 member likes this comment.

leggysheila - 03 Aug, 2022 - 07:40AM

I always let the man see my private pics to me he can make his mind up to how far he wants to take this relationship XXX

 2 members like this comment.

Dream Lover - 02 Aug, 2022 - 11:12PM

Great question!
For me personality is extremely important because I’m interested in relating with an individual - for me the personality is a huge part of who they are. I also accept that looks are important as there needs to be some attraction / chemistry……but personality rules for because I’d rather spend time with someone who stimulates me on a platonic level……..a beauty and no personality don’t excite me.
PS: as we all mature it’s important that we try to maintain healthy lifestyles for our physical and mental health but we can’t control ALL the effects of the ageing process

EmnEm123 - 02 Aug, 2022 - 09:54PM


Being in your fifties and having mature features isn't a barrier to being attractive.

Whether we are not the youngsters we used to be or not, we can still take care of ourselves and make the best of ourselves.

Everyone gets older, it's no excuse for letting yourself go, especially when you come onto a site like this.

haresh - 02 Aug, 2022 - 08:57PM

Looks are important, but photos are not always a good guide.
Myself, I am just not photogenic, end of. I always appear with a daft grin, or contorted face, I just can't pose for them.
One lady asked me if I was good looking. I actually told her I was dog ugly and women puke upon seeing me, just joking of course.
She blocked me.

I don't take pictures too seriously. In our 50's we are not the youngsters we used to be, we have mature features. So it is really a mix for me.

 2 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 02 Aug, 2022 - 05:46PM

Le grand fromage should pop to Coronation St or Albert Square to pulling at the bar of the Rovers or Vic :-)
Love Island is completely rigging like the rest.
Years ago my brother passed auditions for Blind Date and withdrew before filming since it was so choreographed and set up

 2 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 02 Aug, 2022 - 05:04PM

Tall guys have always picked me out....not sure why...but it may seem shallow to others reading this but....people are people.
We all have our likes dislikes but we can't say ok today I am going to stop liking tall guys with blue eyes.....your mind is not wired up that way!!!
This doesn't mean I wouldn't consider a shorter guy with brown/green/ eyes..
Its just certain factors do it for me...😜

 2 members like this comment.

MatureWorcsBBW - 02 Aug, 2022 - 03:55PM


You're absolutely right.
It is a bit.of a contradiction proving that nobody is perfect, least of all me.

I don't pretend to be perfect

But the subject was looks as in appearance, or so I thought.

And I'm not really looking for the most handsome men especially.

I do however have a real preference for much taller and athletic men.

But personality might potentially persuade me others as it has preciously.

Shoot me now if you wish.

 2 members like this comment.

Peaches1 - 02 Aug, 2022 - 02:26PM

Sadly we all can be a little bit shallow on here as initially when we share pics we are instantly judging or being judged on our looks.

In the past I've met people who are so much more attractive than their pictures but personality wise not for me. I've met people and found no spark at all even though they seemed great.

Just don't rush into anything and take your time. The only way to truly know if they are for you is to meet up.

 3 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 02 Aug, 2022 - 02:07PM

Do mature, intelligent people watch that rubbish? 🤷🏻‍♀️

 4 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 02 Aug, 2022 - 01:52PM

Le grand fromage....

You talk a right load of clap trap...

Its a tv programme...not reality..🙄

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 02 Aug, 2022 - 12:29PM

How do we know gnats have no personality??? 🤔😄

 1 member likes this comment.

Foryourpleasure - 02 Aug, 2022 - 12:12PM

Looks are skin deep, they could be Miss World or Mr Universe and have the personality of a gnat. Usually when you are out and about and you see someone and it's about looks first and foremost. On here its a bit different as someone said you cannot go by the picture's on here some are photogenic some on here there pictures don't come out well.
If you have any kind of attraction follow your gut give it a try no win no foul
Good Luck

 4 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 02 Aug, 2022 - 12:02PM

At the end of the day, only meeting in person will either make or break the deal.

 9 members like this comment.

rarity23 - 02 Aug, 2022 - 11:39AM

I think if the chat is going well, their situation, what they are looking for out of IE, and their availability are all a match, but you are not sure about the pictures.....then it's always best to meet and find out.

As others have said not everyone is at their best in their pictures, and people are so much better in real life.

 3 members like this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 02 Aug, 2022 - 07:48AM

There are some photos whereby you think ‘definitely’ not for me. And some that you might mull over. I’m still happy to chat though, if the conversation is good, and have met men based on this. But I do agree that personality and good conversation alone are not quite enough to embark on or sustain a physical relationship.

 4 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 02 Aug, 2022 - 12:42AM

Your profile requirements and comments here seem to totally contradict easch other. What is your problem with average height "chubby" and obese males ???

"I won't meet smokers. It IS a deal breaker.
I'm partial to taller and athletic men but again, not a total deal breaker. Especially if you're funny and interesting to talk to.

But if you're CHUBBY, under 5ft10 and unfit, it's unlikely we'll be getting intimate, just so you know.
I have to like what I see.
Don't we all?"

 4 members like this comment.

mipaulac - 02 Aug, 2022 - 12:18AM

Naughty Jason
to many people here and other dating sites are pursuing fantasies but a familiar line comes up in so many female profiles here, which is extremely disconcerting and off putting " I'm looking for an old fashioned gentleman who knows how to spoil a lady making her naughty in the bedroom" blah blah !!

Mad World - 01 Aug, 2022 - 10:33PM

You only have to look at the Love Islanders (the Italian has won, GET IN 🇮🇹🇮🇹) to realise looks rule.
If it was about personality there would be no Love Island in the first place

 1 member likes this comment.

EmnEm123 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 09:44PM

Both looks and personality matter but if you have chatted for a bit and after exchanging passwords there is no attraction there is no point in continuing.

I think someone else said that most people look better in person, that I would agree with, everyone doesn't take a good photo.

It's not like the other person is someone you know from work or a friendship group where, even if not your usual type feelings can grow.

As this is a dating site the photos are all you have to go on.

If you are going to embark on an affair I don't understand why anyone would just settle for anything.

 5 members like this comment.

Naughty Jason - 01 Aug, 2022 - 09:40PM

The problem with this site is that it appeals to our fickle nature. When we see a picture that we don't immediately fawn over we all have tendency to think the grass is greener and move onto the next person. like most of us on here I don't have a perfect body but I'm pretty happy with what I have so I'm looking for someone who's also reasonably attractive but not necessarily perfect but after reading all the comments I'm going to commit to doing an experiment. I'm going to commit to going out on a date with the next person who has a nice personality irrespective of looks. Who wants to join me in this experiment?

 3 members like this comment.

Paula99 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 07:22PM

You do need the initial attraction..when your brain says...omg he's hot 🔥...but most are..
Dull as dishwater with zero personality or brains
Looks fade and if you think that is going to hold you together you need to think again...and the sex is even worse 😖

If he worships himself ladies you have no chance..🙃

 6 members like this comment.

1432599 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 06:42PM

Like others have said - for me its not perfect looks that attract me but whether there is both chemistry and a certain 'something' there between us, and as such, this can't be define by a picture alone; it needs interaction. And, as I am not so desperate for sex that I'd entertain the thought of keeping a conversation going with someone who, for me, had none of the foibles and personality traits that keep me interested, no matter how attractive their body might be, it has to be both.

 2 members like this comment.

Dotty Green - 01 Aug, 2022 - 06:21PM

I always ask for early pw exchange - I do feel you need an initial attraction. However I’ve met with guys who may not be my usual type, only to meet and get on like a house on fire and have an attraction. I feel you never know until you meet……

 12 members like this comment.

1434493 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 05:09PM

It works both ways. Of course you need to like someone. You also need to find them attractive. But neither are binary. They're on a spectrum. A great personality can easily make up for "not quite to my taste" looks. It's harder, much harder, for perfect looks to make up for a less-than-ideal personality. All IMHO, of course.

 4 members like this comment.

Mad World - 01 Aug, 2022 - 04:48PM

Looks matter. It’s the number 1 aspect.
I might be Clooney’s double or Pitts twin brother but if you find me unattractive then all the personality in the world won’t make up for it.

 1 member likes this comment.

TheBoredHousewife - 01 Aug, 2022 - 04:47PM


Really interesting. I read somewhere that men go into affair, often not with the most attractive female, but one who can listen and be responsive to them.

I suppose females are like that too. Humans need to know they are wanted.

 4 members like this comment.

Countess J - 01 Aug, 2022 - 04:39PM

I'm not worried about looks as long as the individual has impeccable hygiene and manners. I've met some extremely attractive men over the years. Some were quite elegant and gentlemanly. A few were arrogant entitled sods with disgusting breath. So no, I would date Frankenstein (the monster not the doctor) as long as he shaved, brushed his teeth, showered and cleaned his fingernails.

 4 members like this comment.

1536519 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 04:35PM

It has to be a bit of both x

 3 members like this comment.

MatureWorcsBBW - 01 Aug, 2022 - 04:24PM

I used to work with a young model, half my age, when I was married and had a house filled with my young family.

I was frumpy I guess, I was exhausted from looking after everyone else.

She was almost 6ft tall and stunning.

Her equally stunning, rugby playing fiance was 6ft5, sensitive, worked outdoors, worked long hours and into the weekend.

For her 21st birthday party he worked extra hours for a whole month to treat her to some extra special gifts.

He bought her a designer lipstick that cost him almost 1 weeks wage.
But he thought she was worth it.

On the night of the party, she looked amazing.

He asked her for a kiss at the party because he thought he loved her.

She refused, saying "Do you know how much this cost?"

He wasn't her boyfriend for much longer.

He cried on my shoulders, telling me he wished he wasn't sucked in by her vanity.

And readers, yes, years later, he married an unattractive woman and we are still friends.

 4 members like this comment.

FluffyClouds - 01 Aug, 2022 - 03:25PM

Verily Verity-

An amazing personality with a face like a dead donkey doesn't work for me either.

 1 member likes this comment.

1534247 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 03:25PM

I've realised over the years looks don't really matter. Yes it helps if there is a physical attraction, but looks can change, and it's harder to change a personality.

I suppose I'm lucky I don't have a "type" looks-wise. If the chat is amazing and they look fab too, that's a bonus to me. Was very lucky to meet one lady from here who had both the chat and looks.

 1 member likes this comment.

1534742 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 03:22PM

I normally ask for the PW after three -four messages. Attraction forms part of I want to have sex with them. I also think it's rude when you share your PW and don't hear anything back 🤪

 10 members like this comment.

Dayveed - 01 Aug, 2022 - 03:06PM

Fair question and reasoning, shared by many I suspect. My photos are crap, they always have been, but in person I’m rocket fuel - lol

I’ve also met (not on here obviously) others who had un-flattering photos but looked amazing when we met… and of course vice versa. Very attractive but vacuous individuals. So I suppose not right or wrong answer. I would just go with your intuition.

 4 members like this comment.

1535133 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 02:45PM

Nice face with the personality of a dead donkey isn’t going to work is it?

 5 members like this comment.

Madam Staypuft - 01 Aug, 2022 - 02:37PM

I think it’s really individual - if I’ve had great chat with someone, I’m not going to go off them because of looks (assuming they’re not Shane McGowan or Bernard Manning). But equally, there’s no harm in sharing passwords early - if someone is going to go off me, I’d rather they did so quickly before the RSI from typing sets in. After all, this isn’t Illicit Penpals :-)

 6 members like this comment.

1534577 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 01:44PM

Both! If it was just about looks I'd save a lot of time and potential upset by going to a sex worker. But it's because the idea of emotionless and transactional sex is unappealing to me that I'm slowly dipping my toe in here.

But of course physical attraction is important. Nevertheless, I'd much prefer someone less close to my aesthetic ideal but closer to my sexual and mental ideal.

 1 member likes this comment.

MatureWorcsBBW - 01 Aug, 2022 - 01:37PM

I don't buy into the myth that men are more aroused visually.

Because it isn't all men.
There are some men, loads of men, who don't drool over every female that passes them by.

I believe it's called self control.
Women were taught to be more modest in the past.
I know it's learned behaviour that can be overruled.

Oh and by the way, there are several studies to back this up.


I married a very traditionally ugly man and he was the nicest, kindest, most considerate man I ever met. Then he died.

 4 members like this comment.

1538135 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 01:18PM

Unfortunately I’d say looks

1536995 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 01:04PM

I do agree with most of the comments. because I respect the view of others AND quids in, for those that have been arsed to reply.

for me, its the looks. Men are very visual. we eat with our eyes, we all know what sexy is and it has to satisfy a deep desire often fantasy

I also appreciate that us blokes so need to be more open ...... !

FluffyClouds - 01 Aug, 2022 - 12:32PM

It needs to be both for me. I need to be attracted to them and get a sense of compatibility in the conversation. That's why for me there has to be a pw swap earlier in the conversation.

I suppose it depends on how much 'not really your type' they are. We all know what we like within reason. Sometimes, it seems great in messaging, but when you meet there's just no spark or sexual attraction. Personally, what's the point of trying to force something that's just not working for you?

Yes, you can become attracted to someone you may not have initially have thought yourself to be, but that usually happens with someone you see regularly such as in a workplace and over a long period of time.

Just my opinion.

 8 members like this comment.

Eliza Boo - 01 Aug, 2022 - 12:14PM

Both, but both are subjective! Everyone has different tastes. Even with a fabulous connection, if there is absolutely no physical pull, it turns into friendship. However, if the person isn't your physical 'type' they can turn into the most insanely desirable person you've ever known when the mental connection is on fire! But I wonder if that works for both men too, or is a typically female thing? Apparently men love through the eyes whereas women love through their ears??! (Kinky sex comments commence...)

 4 members like this comment.

MatureWorcsBBW - 01 Aug, 2022 - 11:08AM

Personality 100%

 2 members like this comment.

1490598 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 10:35AM

Fluffy Clouds

I may look a certain way but I don't expect my lover to look the same is what I mean 😉. I have been rejected because they thought I would judge there body quite a few times 🤷🏽‍♂️

Mad World - 01 Aug, 2022 - 10:25AM

Re chatting to someone for ages and upon the great reveal find there’s diddly squat in the feeling stakes.
Yes it’s happened before but what’s even worse is someone who turns up with bad teeth, extra timber etc etc
Lessons learnt:
- Get the photo out the way sharpish. Absolutely nothing wrong with that to avoid future issues
- Ask for a full length photo
- Ask for teeth to be on view
- No sunglasses. The number of women who send you 2/3 pics with sunglasses on is an immediate alarm bell.

It’s not exhaustive but the above is a start.

Good luck.

 5 members like this comment.

Mad World - 01 Aug, 2022 - 10:09AM

Surely looks, whoever says personality is telling fibs.
Great personality is a Brucie Bonus

 1 member likes this comment.

FluffyClouds - 01 Aug, 2022 - 10:01AM

Undercoverlover -

You say sexy isn't in a set of abs, yet your profile pic clearly shows you with abs in a provocative pose.

I've had an attractive ie from here and he was great in bed. I've had attractive boyfriends, no complaints from me.

 3 members like this comment.

1525298 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 09:52AM

It’s always happening to me because I am cursed with a beautiful personality but an ugly face 🤣🤣

1490598 - 01 Aug, 2022 - 08:49AM

I honestly since first coming here put little emphasis on looks. I have found the best looking aren't the best lovers, sexy isn't in a set of abs, at least for me, I'm sure others feel differently.

 2 members like this comment.

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