akrotiri

About Me:

I’m 5ft 10, have a 28 inch inside leg, have my own teeth, a full head of slightly greying hair and I’m hirsute. Stocky build but more prop forward than scrum half since lockdown. My button mushroom penis has blossomed after the circumcision and is in full working order🍆 Due to hybrid working my clothing style has changed from shirt and trousers to dungarees. I work in Cardiff but live in the Gower. I was last on the site in 2013 and used the Celtic Manor hotel for secret liaisons. This time I can accommodate once I’ve established you are not Glenn Close.😄

Ideal Partner:

An attractive, confident woman over 40, with a great sense of humour and if your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard that would be splendid.😄

1. I don’t want to text 50 times a day.
2. I’m not looking for a pen pal.
3. I am a fornicator and in the words of the late Olivia Newton-John “I want to get physical” so at some point after copious amounts of peroni/wine/champagne you will be required to show me how to do a naked downward dog on the Twister mat.
4. I don’t own a G5, yacht or a Ferrari.
5. I don’t have a safe word so you won’t be whipping me to within an inch of my life.
6. We will not be having dates in Aspen, Lake Como or St Moritz.
7. I do not have the body of Chris Hemsworth or John Holmes.
8. I will not be having sex in the back seat of your Toyota Aygo or going dogging with you.
9. I want an exciting, fun, passionate, no drama, NSA type of relationship and not another wife.
10. I won a gold medal at the 2002 Cunnilingus World Championship so if you don’t enjoy that then we won’t get along.
11. I do not wish to make love to you whilst your husband sits next to the bed giving me marks out of 10 for technique.
12. I will not be sending you pictures of my John Thomas.
13. I don’t want phone calls from your husband at 2am threatening to kill me.

So that’s it in a nutshell. If I’m not your cup of tea then take care, best of luck and I wish you well.

Other Interests:

Football / Soccer / Rugby, Travel / Sightseeing, Movies / Cinema, Food and Wine

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