warmangel - 18 Apr, 2013 - 01:28PM

Just the perfect piece, gives a brilliant insight.........being one of the ones that got away.......... X

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Anonymous User - 16 Sep, 2012 - 10:30AM

I'm new on here and I've just read this letter. Have to say I loved it. Also reading thro it u sound exactly like the sort of person I would like to come across on a site like this. I hope u have found what u are looking for on here x

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Anonymous User - 08 Sep, 2012 - 12:52PM

I make a point of trying to acknowledge all messages but I frequently slip up, mainly because I come back after a break off to find my inbox a bit full. I try to be consistent in the read/reply process but temptation often makes me look into all the message first. Consequently, I often miss replying unintentionally. Sometimes too, in a backlog situation, when I do reply my answers are often, of necessity, a bit short and I come in for accusations of being "cold and unfriendly". It needs to be appreciated that despite perception the messaging is not being done in isolation

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sapphire88 - 07 Sep, 2012 - 05:27PM

On the subject of etiquette I wish people would understand that my computer may be on (which it nearly always is) and I may be logged in here, but most likely I'm either away from it or at work or otherwise busy or ... you get the idea, suffice to say that just because I show up as logged in doesn't mean I'm sitting here ready to immediately read and reply to messages. I implore people to have some patience.

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adrian_0071 - 07 Sep, 2012 - 03:01PM

dear Sara

I have been on ie a couple of times over the last few years and have found many really nice ladies to talk to . I have rarly recieved a poor comment and never anything insulting . i have however had some ladies tell me that some men have been very direct and a little too explicit in their approach and that they have found this off putting .
If I have any gripe with some of the ladies on her it is that they have very fixed views on exactly the type of man they are looking for , for example , must be over 6ft tall is common , or often they claim to have no particular type and that personality is more important and then you give them your password and its " sorry you are not my type!"
I would ask that the ladies be a little more broadminded , I am not the best looking man in the world , but I am not in need of a paper bag over my head either , I just happen to a slim 6ft 9 tall normal looking guy with an average income . I have met a few woman form the site , after much effort and those that I have met have been very nice for the most part . I have had one brief affair on my first membership of the site and have made a couple of friends since .
I would say to the new men joining , dont expect too much , remenber that the ladies on here are by and large normal people ( I have come accross a couple of scam profiles, but no where near as many as most other sites) in the same situation as you are . If you treat them with respect then you will ususally get a response , sometimes an exchange of emails and one or two phone numbers . A good picture is very important I have found , I have upgraded mine a couple of times and have found an improvement in the number of responses.
Lastly I would say that , although I would love to rejoin as a full member the sheer expense makes it difficult for men of more modest means like myself to remain members for longer that one month out of six . Having said that this site has the most genuine members of any site I have seen.

(adrian_0071)

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Anonymous User - 07 Sep, 2012 - 02:13PM

Everyone on here has a relationship problem. A surprising amount of women I have texted have a bad manners issue. It saves a lot of time to find out that she has poor manners early on so I just move on.

No woman on this site is vetted in any way. They don't even have to give IE their name. It is a charter for blackmailers and freeloaders. Yet the men are expected to show all their details first, photo, phone number, e mail, real name. We're meant to make all the first moves in terms of starting a witty chat with someone we've never seen. No VKs; no reply without pw etc, I know what I fancy ... Talk about arrogance, just like dealing with the alpha males in the City.

Some women respect the fact that we have limited time on here to build a rapport but many don't. Too much trouble they say to set up a hotmail account so you can e mail each other. Then you get accused of being on the site too much, because of course they can all tell who a player is. One woman has given me two apologies for making false accusations of deceit and she is meant to be post grad qualified and in a respected profession. She is still searching on the site too.

I'm really lucky, I found a lovely woman with manners, values and we are old fashion dating.

It has been fun at times but very nerve wracking. Id definitely support a feedback service based on good manners. It would encourage good behaviour and I'm sure there are male arseholes on here too that need sorting out. Just because all you see is a screen doesn't mean there isn't a human being with feelings behind it all too. I would never recommend any male friend join the site without some changes. It really is the most risky and unrewarding thing I've ever done, even though I have found someone.

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Anonymous User - 05 Sep, 2012 - 08:59AM

Lessons to be learned form all these exchanges, which I imagine most of us (women and men) have experienced. As the truly wonderful Sara says, please be nice to each other :)

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Anonymous User - 05 Sep, 2012 - 07:21AM

Hi

A few points well made and you have to accept it takes all sorts, why should Planet IE be any different to the outside world?

The one element of your letter which seems to have had the biggest reaction, is photos - and that's what's prompted me to send this comment.

My advice (for what it's worth) is please don't get too hung up on non-reciprocation of passwords, they were clearly not meant to be. There are so many people looking for someone, you will find someone who you click with sooner or later.

I understand the desire for reciprocation, and although I seem to be in the minority here with my view, I will offer it anyway in the hope of you understanding how some people think ...

If I am not attracted to someone, I don't see the benefit in sending a photo to someone you will never meet and for the record, I have been sent a photo of someone I know - that was a bit scary.

Also, I have sent a polite thanks, but no thanks and sent my password only to get an abusive response. Experience makes you wary!

Glad you're having fun getting to know people and good luck!!

x

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guest123 - 04 Sep, 2012 - 07:32PM

Ladies, if you want the men on here, and quality ones who behave well and don't have to be here, be courteous. I think I am not a bad catch for someone, but I am ready to give up.

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Anonymous User - 04 Sep, 2012 - 04:56PM

Yes, this letter does hit the nail on the head for most men I suspect. It does take an effort not to become cynical when ignored or rejected and to keep believing that there is someone out there.

During my time on IE I have experienced a lot, both pleasant and (very occasionally)less pleasant, but throughout I have realized that the most important things are have realistic expectations and ALWAYS to keep your sense of humour intact.

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Anonymous User - 04 Sep, 2012 - 02:52PM

Hi there Marker like the previous lady, I cant speak for all ladies but i also agree with the sentiments of your well written letter, and you commented on some very good valued points, the password and then getting told sorry not my sort, but as you say we live and learn, and then the numerous VKs and when one replies ... nothing, there are some wasters unfortunately on this site as in all sites, but the majority of people I found here to be polite, funny and honest. Greetings from Ireland. and best of luck in your search for whatever. x

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Anonymous User - 03 Sep, 2012 - 09:00PM

Thank you so very much for writting such an interesting letter!, truly refreshing.

I believe it's a rare find for such an open and honest encounter to be shared so willingly.


Well done Marker, you've given us women a glimpse of hope!

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EbonyDesires - 03 Sep, 2012 - 07:17PM

I think the password issue is a minefield to be fair :(

I didn't come on here to meet my soulnmate. I came on here to have a hell of a good time. So, that means a physical attraction on both sides is neccessary. I do always give a password back. However, I do agree that maybe a person should ask if you want to swap passwords, rather than assuming.

I am very honest, but hate hurting anyones feelings. So, it is so hard to tell a guy you do not do it for me. I don't go silent, but find it a cringe moment which I wish I could avoid :S

Great letter btw :D

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Anonymous User - 03 Sep, 2012 - 04:55PM

Men should simply reduce the amount of messages they send and target specific women and also stop sending out VKs as these largely get ignored. This would balance the site up, which is already weighted in favour of women.

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Anonymous User - 03 Sep, 2012 - 04:04PM

Fabulous letter, I agree totally with all of the points you make. Regarding photographs though, I think I might be in the minority here...in that I don't want to waste precious hours of my time writing to someone having no idea what they look like...I've done it before and then when we got round to exchaging passwords, I realised that however great his emails were, there was absolutely no interest for me from this point on as I could never fancy him, ever! I then had to try and tactfully, without hurting, withdraw from the communication. I'm not shallow and agree that sometimes looks are not important, but in this situation, when we are all looking for something that we are not getting at home, then I'm afraid I need to absoltuely fancy the pants off the person I'm going to be meeting. I now offer to give my password within the first couple of messages and expect to receive the same in return. For me, whilst discretion is of course absolutey paramount, no picture, no chat beyond email 3.

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RichardTheFirst - 03 Sep, 2012 - 11:53AM

The letter about sums it up. In the end there are men as well as women who are civilised and interesting and who make this site worthwhile, despite its irritations. At its best I like it and it puts people together who otherwise would be left at a loose end. What do I find irritating? Contradictory profiles, especially ones wanting an involved and cerebral relationship on a deep level - but the first message requests a photo, I understand but I also think it's shallow. And women who spend ages trying to find something wrong with you, instead of looking for the good points. Oh, and finally women who decide you're a "player" - those women nearly always are themselves, if they were honest. If you get past the message stage I have always found meetings go well - I love meeting people especially a married woman interested in an extramarital affair, even better if the relationship progresses. Do I have a tip? Not really except in dealing with the issue of how you get to have a meeting without being to premature or too dilatory. I have found with women I've chatted to and then it's gone quiet it's worth leaving things a couple of weeks then simply asking, a sort of "oh gosh, do you think we ought to have lunch together?". It seems to work, you're familiar to them, and, well, a lot say "yes".

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happybear5000 - 03 Sep, 2012 - 08:30AM

As a man I have found really mixed experiences on here.

I am a genuine person and approach people in all honesty, total openess, care and respect. And hope for the same in return. Finding someone genuine and sincere is very difficult.

I have been finding really 3 type of people.

a) very sincere and genuine and respectful - beautiful people looking for someone for good reasons. Even when it turns out that we not for each other - they are all very nice start to end. How it should be.

b) people who are just playing a game, deliberately leading people on with no intention whatsoever of any form of relationship. I have driven many times (being the gentleman doing the long run) to just find out all they wanted was to find out "they could if they wanted" with no slightest intent of even friendship or anything more - just playing a game.

c) people who are out for what they can get, sometimes a deliberate cruel destructive game or manipulation, no value or respect at all. They seem all nice and genuine, then turn - I have had some very bad experiences. Even driving a long distance to meet in a nice public place, to be kept waiting for hours (yes you heard right), constantly assured they are coming, eventually they turned up with several other people and try and bully me into buying them ALL dinner - being quite clear it was all a con game from start to end.

For the genuine and sincere people - dont let the "not so nice" put you off or drive you away. Rather stand up for being genuine and sincere and treating people with care and respect. Demand quality and respect and integrity from people, and from this site.
I think code of conduct is very important and needs to be maintained for both men and women (** hint for Sara **)
This is a good website compared with the rest, and it would be a great shame to see it deteriorate like some have.

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chrissinclair - 02 Sep, 2012 - 08:42PM

All very interesting points, and it's good to get a feel for other people's experiences.
Although very, very easy going I'm a stickler for good manners so feel there's nothing worse than being asked for your password and then not receiving the asker's in return. Also very annoying is the prcatice of people sending out VK's, to which I always respond out of good manners, only for them to completely ignore the response, Why do they bother? I understand that some ladies may be very busy with a full inbox but if they have the time to send them out they should take the time to reply. Having said that I've chatted with some lovely ladies on here. Still optimistic about meeting someone special!

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Anonymous User - 02 Sep, 2012 - 03:42PM

Your letter describes an IE experience shared by most people ,i do not think our stories vary very much .

Hopefully your letter will have served to raise your profile and therefore maximise your opportunities .

Have fun x

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MadCarew - 02 Sep, 2012 - 12:06AM

The first time that I exposed my photos and the lady said "sorry not my type" it was a real punch to my ego.
After a trail of fun messages I found the rejection very abrupt and I asked for some better feedback and clues.
In hind site i was wrong, you cannot get into a dialogue over why you are not someones type.
I never saw her photo's and although I would have liked to I accept that there was no value in it.
Photo rejection has happened again, it didn't hurt as much and I just accept it.

I also accept the 'going quiet' syndrome, it probably means the person is concentrating on someone else but could also mean that real life has taken over their playtime. A bit hard if you feel that a good relationship is developing but bound to happen at some point.

Keep calm and find another nice person :)

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Anonymous User - 01 Sep, 2012 - 02:28PM

Very helpful to hear about the experiences of others and responses. I'm a third timer IE participant..was around in the early days and had one 6 yr relationship and another 2 year one. Now looking again. I have developed strategies like many others, the main one is if a man 's profile ( or his early messages) start or focus on the current state of his marriage I'm put off. I will want to know about that some time, but it's not the first thing. I'll say thank you but no to those people always.
Otherwise a comment on the ' suddenly' going silent...it usually happens when one of the contacts is starting to develop to a meeting and I want to concentrate for a bit on him. After all there's only so much safe free time.
I have frequently let people know is but it usually results in sarcastic or needy comments.
How can I do this better?
Good luck everyone x

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Eloquent pleasures2012 - 31 Aug, 2012 - 11:22PM

I love hearing about other people's experiences here, purely as someone interested in human behaviour, attitudes and our assorted foibles rather than in a pervy, voyeuristic manner, you understand.
I struggled with my conscience for a long time before becoming a member, even though I have been in a celibate marriage for many years and felt reasonably justified in looking elsewhere. It's interesting to watch some new members get thoroughly carried away with the "child in the sweet shop" syndrome. Someone told me recently that he had never been offered so much sex and never had it been so off-putting. I think we all need to keep an eye on our moral compass in this place. Just because I have declared my hand doesn't mean I'm up for it with the first person who fancies a shag. As other members have pointed out, we are all taking a risk by being here, we'd better make sure it's worth it! Which is also why I don't necessarily send my photo to someone I know I don't have the slightest chance of being compatible with, just to reciprocate.
One gripe I do have is the number of men who don't bother to complete their profile and then send VKs. What's that all about? Especially those who clearly do have plenty of grey matter and describe themselves as 'articulate'. It doesn't make sense to me to spend a considerable amount of money to become a member and then make so little effort. We all get plenty of messages, I have a busy life and don't have the time or inclination to spend hours here each day. If your profile (and your message) doesn't capture my imagination by being well-written, amusing and honest I move on to the next. I don't reply to VKs. If you are too idle to write a message why on earth should I be arsed to reply? And (while I'm enjoying my rant) "How's you?" or "Are you having a good afternoon?" doesn't count either. Now look, you'll be thinking I'm a grumpy old bag instead of someone with an invariably sunny, mischievous outlook on life... ;-)
I should point out I have met some wonderful people here, some of whom I would genuinely consider friends. Chemistry is unpredictable and doesn't always work, but I have enjoyed the honesty of many of the conversations I have had here. Sadly, the most exciting person I have met here has also been the most frustrating. Younger than me, he had never had an affair before which I found rather attractive, the chemistry between us was electrifying and we spent hours on the phone each day laughing, confiding in each other and getting increasingly and deliciously lewd. Sadly, his inexperience with shenanigans resulted in schoolboy errors and his wife was on red alert after the first time we had met. Each meeting was mind blowing but it was almost too good: he felt it could jeopardise his marriage. We still talk as friends but he is trying to stay on the straight and narrow. Does it make me a very bad person if I say I am still hoping to lead him astray? Time will tell...

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dave53 - 31 Aug, 2012 - 10:41PM

This letter rang so many bells on so many levels. I have to agree with the comments on poor IE etiquette in regards to just suddenly disappearing after exchanging emails/photos. On two occasions I have got on really well with nice ladies and even exchanged email addresses.......and then........nothing!!?? Don't understand it myself.....surely a simple "I've met someone else" or "I've changed my mind and wish you luck in the future" is the least one can expect? I am always polite and courteous to everyone....as I was always taught to treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself. Come on ladies......step up to the mark!!

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mistressprowess - 31 Aug, 2012 - 08:33PM

Marker44..we have had a brief conversation before when you followed up a response to my previous comments on a Sara's letter and thought your were lovely, polite, courteous and just very truthful and I am sure had our locations been closer we would have met!
Personally everyone who spends time on IE, old timers and newby's have very different experiences on here. I have come across some guys who can appear rude but I have broad shoulders and a short sharp reply normally does the trick and I've never had to use it but there is the facility to block people. Generally, I enjoy the banter and have conversed with some very interesting people. Unfortunately my meet ups appear to be great guys but the spark doesn't seem to happen if it doesn't go well it's a little awkward but I strongly feel honesty is the best policy otherwise your wasting each others time right? I do ask people to bear with me if they don't receive instant messages, I have quite a few to get through plus emails as mainly my pics are sent on request. I have had a few discretion issues, coming across people I recognise, I don't let them know I know as it's none of my business why they are here but it does create some risk to me so therefore I will only exchange pics on a password and reciprocate mine via email. I am always polite to those that 'say your lovely but not for me' because you are never going to be everyone's cup of tea. Likewise, I have to have some element of attraction to a guy because I am not here to bed hop some of my contacts are looking for casual and I agree with another lady we are here to find a person to excite them and there's a lot at stake so why just go for a cheap thrill? There are also other factors that I consider, it might be something in the profile, could be an age factor, time and location so I am not always taking attractiveness as the only reason to reply with a 'no thanks but I hope you find the right lady'. There has to be some common factors between you too. So first of all I will send my apologies to the guys who take the time to write and are patient to wait for a reply. I never intend to just 'drop' off contact but sometimes if I haven't heard from them after a week or so I would assume that they are happy conversing with a new lady or perhaps found what they are looking for. I must admit I did find the Vk's quite annoying, I want to know about the person not a quick cyber kiss but I've been 'told' off so I send a quick polite reply if I can - depends on how many messages there are at that time.
I wish all the ladies and gentleman in finding that secret love...and I am just appreciative to IE that I have gelled with some lovely interesting people. So far me I will see how it goes with IE :)

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Anonymous User - 31 Aug, 2012 - 07:23PM

About the "Am I your type, yes or no?" messages - I think these are generated by the VK software. It's a daft message that invites the response "How the hell do I know, until we've exchanged a few messages?" I tend not to send VKs because I think a short original message is more personal - it shows you have taken the trouble to compose a few lines. But I do appreciate a response, even a thanks but no thanks. As for photos, I think you need to exchnage at least a couple of emails before you give passwords. ( I am a man, by the way - it's not always easy to tell with these letters to Sara).

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Anonymous User - 31 Aug, 2012 - 02:42PM

Brilliant read Marker44, I can relate to everything you wrote and I can't say I'm having the best of times on here at the moment. Have been on here before and met x 2 lovely guys who went on to become lovers.

Why do people seem to judge a book by its cover on this site?? The first guy I got talking to on here(las year) was a real gent, friendly, humorous and we got on like a house on fire. We exchanged pics and I thought 'Oh My God he's not for me', I was disappointed but didn't let it put me off. We continued to chat and text until we eventually met. It was a brief meeting as he just popped out of work, I still wasn't sure at this point but to cut a long story short on the third meet he kissed me and boom!! Fireworks went off and we became lovers, yet I didn't find him attractive at first. You need to get to the person within to find them beautiful and attractive. Exactly the same thing happened with my second lover, no real attraction at first on both sides, we continued to chat and met again and things developed from there. The last lover was the most intense and passionate lover I've ever had the pleasure to meet and experience! So learn from my story and give the guys a chance girls and vice versa. Ok if after a few meets it's not gonna happen well say bye bye. Just don't be shallow!

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Gorgeousgirl54 - 31 Aug, 2012 - 01:42PM

What a frank and candid letter from Marker44. It was obviously written with a great deal of thought and indeed, sensitivity. I think it expressed accurately and admirably what many of us think Of the treatment we receive on IE.
Well done, Sir!
Hope you find the one you are seeking.

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Anonymous User - 31 Aug, 2012 - 12:33PM

I'd like to thank Marker44 and everybody else who replied, as your letters were all very interesting.

I have been on this site approximately for six months and I find it addictive!

When it comes to the exchanging of passwords, I normally browse through profiles and if I see someone that interests me, I send them my password and ask them if they would like to send me theirs.

If I am not attracted to the man on the picture, I don't contact them again. I think most men realise that there wasn't an attraction and accept it well. Others request an explanation and I give it to them, I usually tell them other reasons why I think it won't work. I'd rather not say that I didn't think I could fancy them. I'd rather not hurt anybody's feelings.

I have exchanged passwords with roughly 100 men? One told me that I wasn't his type, five or so said nothing, which possibly means the same, and most of the others showed me their photos in return.

Nobody said to me that they'd rather wait until they showed me their pics. If a man said that to me, I am afraid I would no longer message him. Unless there is an attraction -and I know that it is very difficult to establish this just by looking at a photo- chances are, it won't work.

I have met with three men, so far. I thought I fancied the first one, his photo was nice, and he seemed interesting. Sadly, in the flesh, I didn't feel attracted to him... I am afraid his picture was not a recent one at all!

The second man seemed less attractive on his picture, but was so lovely and I felt so close to him when we wrote to each other, that I felt we could make it work.

I saw him a number of times and we kissed, but I didn't feel that there was enough there so as to make it onto the next stage, so we decided to leave it at that. A shame, but these things can't be forced.

The third meeting was with a man that seemed very attractive on his photo, we exchanged messages very briefly and met straight away. I assumed that it wasn't a good idea to exchange endless emails if it in the end it would turn out like it did before.

I was very nervous when we met. I was not sure at all that I liked him. Or that he liked me.

We decided to give it another go somewhere more private, I was petrified, but everything went so well. We had what I thought was an amazing time. I have seen him again since then and we had a lot of fun.

I would love to carry on seeing him! I am not sure what will happen in the future, nobody knows that, at the moment I am thankful to have met someone I like this much.

With that said, I continue to read my messages and I sometimes chat to other guys here. I tell them that I met someone I am crazy in lust with and that I wish that they will find someone that they like just as much.

I suppose I have a very specific type and it is not easy at all for me to find someone I fancy... I feel very lucky to have found this wonderful man.

So to everybody out there: who cares if someone didn't reply or was rude or refused to share their password! You can still find someone that is right for you! It can be done! Don't loose heart!

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PageS - 31 Aug, 2012 - 09:30AM

My truth? IE brings out the pragmatist in me. I try to be clear and concise about my side of any bargain and then stick to the agreement. I think this approach is applicable to many facets of this letter and to the wider themes developing in this forum. It starts with the profile. I'd like to think the tone of my profile sets the tone for the messages I long to receive. I agree with the comments that us girls get unsolicited passwords and for me it is also a turn off. That said, I will always honour any kind of 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' type agreement! Some people are here looking for a friend with benefits while others seek a soulmate and there are (I hesitate to use the phrase) lots of shades of grey in between. Logistics are a bugger and some flexibility/understanding is required but if it is a drinks meet it is a drinks meet, if it is a one off sexual encounter it is a one of sexual encounter, if it a hotel get to you know you meet it.. well you can see where I am going with this. I am a facts up front, make a decision and stick to it sort of girl. I try not to over complicate things and in return IE (and the friends and lovers I have met here) utterly complete me. Great letter Marker 44. Happy Hunting!

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Anonymous User - 31 Aug, 2012 - 09:28AM

I inadvertantly clicked on VKs, and it sent VKs to 111 men who were on Site at the time. This might be the reason that men do not receive a reply. At least my views went up, lol...and I did try and reply to as many of the replies as I could. Perhaps "No Reply, is a Reply"?

As regards the photo password, this is very difficult, as sending a polite "I am sorry you are not my type", very often gets you an abusive message back.

Many men have on their profiles that they are attractive, and their "bum" is their best feature...well "hello, if you bum is your best feature, this does not say much about your face.

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Anonymous User - 31 Aug, 2012 - 08:30AM

With respect to the awkward but necessary photo sharing stage, I always ask "Would you like to exchange passwords / photos by e.mail now?" and I think this is best done sooner rather than later to avoid either side wasting time. The agreed "Contract" is therefore that both sides are forthcoming. I have had as many ladies send me their passwords / photos first as have insisted on me sending mine first. I also suggest a meeting sooner rather than later, as this does tend to eliminate the fantasists from the realists very effectively. One cancelled meeting is fine. Twe maybe, but there is no excuse for a third, at which point I move on, and a "No show" without warning or explanation is completely inexcusable and offensive.

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marker44 - 31 Aug, 2012 - 08:04AM

Hi lindyd,

I think that was what I was trying to say and probably not quite clearly enough I guess.

I think that are some experiences that are shared by both sexes. Password sharing is one of them. I feel that if you give out your password it is on a reasonable expectation that it will be reciprocated. I think that is equally true for either sex.

The same is true for many of my other points. I can only talk from my own personal experiences and hence I was interested in seeing if I am in a small community or part of the larger population.

I am extremely comforted by the responses here. Thanks

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Anonymous User - 31 Aug, 2012 - 07:25AM

Oh well,I agree with Mark and I have meet some lovely people here and made so amazing connection.I'm also looking for the one and I think that I may have found him.It's still early days but have shared some wonderful moments in and out of the bedroom.I think that IE have saved my sanity and I also love reading other peoples profiles and to see the interesting things that they do and how they enjoy their lives.Of course there's some time wasters and some very rude abd impolite people that are just looking for a cheap thrill and they should just move on to an appropriate side.What a lot of the men forget is that we ladies want a bit of wooing,a bit of a romance before we can feel ready to move to the next level.Some of us have been married for many years and are looking for what is missing at home.If you give love and attention you will receive it in return.Thanks IE,I'm having a ball.I feel totally in tune with myself and I'm enjoying rediscovering myself as a sexual being again.I love all.xxx

2 members like this comment. Like

lindyd - 31 Aug, 2012 - 07:14AM

Hi there
I can understand your frustration at sending a pic to a lady and getting a no thanks with out even getting to see the other persons pic. But it does also work the other way I always give my password to anybody who askes but have had some no thanks you arent my type with out getting a chance to see what they look like. as you say politeness costs nothing L X

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wondermash4 - 31 Aug, 2012 - 01:17AM

Well done Marker44 --- for taking the trouble to put into words your experiences here which correspond with my own in many respects.
I've been here a couple of times now and have had some great conversations with women and met a few as well. I too particularly appreciate the good humour offered by the great majority though I did on one occasion have to block a female who took such a violent dislike to my profile that she felt the need to send me five venemous messages telling me how crass and hateful she found me.
My fragile male ego was so bruised -- it took me a good 30 seconds to recover !
Of course I too have been asked to offer my pic password by women who decide that they have no need to reciprocate or indeed even acknowledge it being sent. I now only offer my pics on the understanding that it's an "exchange".
Likewise, I've received VKs from women who haven't then replied to my return message and I can't say I understand that at all either.
Most recently I replied promptly to a lovely message from woman living locally to me but unfortunately she left it for over a week to read it and reply ---- by which time my paid membership had expired. Mr Sod at work again ?!

Good luck Mr Marker

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Griffin1 - 31 Aug, 2012 - 12:36AM

My biggest disapointment would be the No show.
I was not sure hwt to expect but did communicate with someone where i thought we would have something in common. 120 messages, 2 phone calls, several texts and then an arrangement to meet.

The excitement, the anticipation , the butterflies and then she cancelled at the last minute because of work. No pronblem it happens.

Then more messages, more cals, more texts and then a meeting.

Sat in a bar, excited, scared, anxious, thinking, new aftershave ! and then
a No show. I recieved a brief sorry but then nothing.

Ladies whilst you may think we are all led by the front of our trousers some of us have a Brain, a heart and feelings. Try to not to damage them.

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JackHancock - 30 Aug, 2012 - 11:49PM

Great letter, I agree that good IE etiquette would be appreciated in those instances when the ladies have simply become disinterested during a series of messages and gone silent, but ce la vie

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Anonymous User - 30 Aug, 2012 - 11:33PM

Its very hard to say to someone that you don`t find them attractive when you don`t want to hurt there feelings, what can you say?
And if your going to be unfaithful i want someone whos worth it.
I am not on here to settle for " He sounds nice he will do"
And i am not interested in how much money he`s got

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Anonymous User - 30 Aug, 2012 - 10:53PM

The thing I find most annoying is when you get a message from a guy who sends you his password for his pictures in the first or 2nd mail message and in the same mail message asks for my password. I don't want to show my picture so soon so I reply stating that. They then respond all annoyed that I haven't reciprocated. Sorry - in that case I don't see why I should be forced to give my password when I never asked them to give me theirs in the first place. If I'm asked prior do I want their password I will be straight and say no not yet not until we have chatted more but once it's mutually agreed to share then I do.

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beverley262 - 30 Aug, 2012 - 10:46PM

"Can except rejection but not rudeness" says in my profile,i will never give my P.W. 1st, (been caught out with that one once to often)but only fair i give mine if the guy as given his, but if not my type will be honest and wish them luck.Mostly get a thankyou.

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Anonymous User - 30 Aug, 2012 - 10:07PM

No, no, no, no, No! Overwhelmingly, as a woman on this site, my experience is that someone will mail me, we will exchange mails for a while. Usually because I like to be polite. Then at some point (earlier if he's a pic hunter and not serious, later if he's genuine) he will say, this is my password. NOW. That is his decision, about his discretion, about his privacy. That places NO obligation on me at all.

If someone approaches me and says I will give you my password IF you will give you mine, I'll say, no thanks. If I don't fancy you, there's nothing in this for me in compromising my privacy for your curiosity. I won't do it, I think you'd be mad to do it and I think most sane men on this site realise that if they aren't what the woman wants they will accept that with some good grace and move on.

Obviously if the woman is ranting and raving and insisting on a picture she should supply her own. In my case, that is never the case. Suffit.

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Playfull_Dee - 30 Aug, 2012 - 09:21PM

The letter was very honest and heartfelt :)

Regarding the picture password - I get sent picture passwords by people I've never spoken to or sometimes from someone I'm very early speaking too / I haven't asked for it and often don't use it.

I don't think I should automatically send someone mine just because they did - that's just my way of thinking about it.

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clare17 - 30 Aug, 2012 - 09:18PM

my truth? it's the guys who say they 'haven't uploaded a picture on here but can send one to my email address'!!!!
er, why?

my pictures aren't protected, as i've nothing to hide (is that good or bad??)
a brilliant letter, M.

i always reply to every mail sent. after all, it's the guys that pay for this site, so it seems only fair to rather than ignore.

but....(for there is one!) my age range is set. so why do i get mails from those way younger than that?
i don't want 'little boys' - their profiles and mails prove their immaturity. i want a man. not a macho one for i can mend my own plugs and change fuses (thanks grandad) and i can actually choose a decent red, just someone who can 'make love to my brain' putting it politely!
do that, then i'm yours! but if you can't, i'll let you know :)))

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FrenchLace12 - 30 Aug, 2012 - 07:58PM

Thanks for sharing M - a real insight into how the men might feel on here. I agree with EclecticMaiden - too much too soon is the biggest reason for ignoring someone. I think what some people forget is that similar rules of engagement apply online as they do in life - if a man started a conversation in a bar and asked to see me naked within five minutes, I would simply walk away without the courtesy of a 'thanks but no thanks'. On a similar note, if a man wore a mask and refused to show his face once we got chatting, I would be less inclined to continue the conversation so the men who 'haven't got a picture on here yet as I don't know how to upload one' often go straight to the delete button.

It was interesting to read about the wish to still see a picture in return even if the response has been 'very nice but not my type' .. I failed to see the point in that but after reading M's comments, I have reconsidered my logic and will always reciprocate if asked.

It is nice to see that most people have a genuinely positive experience on here and I too have yet to come across any unpleasantness (apart from the 'too forward' requests..)

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Dissident - 30 Aug, 2012 - 07:47PM

Oh, one more thing (Columbo style), what is it with the "Am I your type, yes or no?" mails?

It's a basic "IE 101" tenet that If a guy sends a lady mails like that, they go in the bin. And yet I get loads of them from ladies, who apparently think it's perfectly reasonable for them to do exactly that.

I am an equal opportunities infidel. If I get mails like that, they go in my man bin.

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nickatplay - 30 Aug, 2012 - 07:43PM

Yes, the letter very much expressed my thoughts, and maybe I can add perspective of someone who has been on and off here for three years (yes, sadly.....), and had both positive and negative experiences. Like Marker44, I've tried hard to maintain a positive approach, and to fight the "you must be too good to be true" feedback, even mentioned in a previous profile of mine. I've made friends, as well as had experience of lovers, and, well, one or two have turned out to be true time wasters, sometimes with strange, unknown motives.

Largely, my overall experience of the ladies on here is that they are like minded, with many possibilites, but perhaps they are drawn in many directions by the volume of offers. Understandable, I suppose, although my advice to the ladies would be, if you make a good connection, then follow it up. Try not to dilute your options too much, as, in my view, one good connection must be based on something, and could grow into something really special.

As to photos, replies and reciprocation, good luck. I feel that we normal, confident men suffer from the idiots who can't take rejection and turn offensive. I understand there are a few. I always make sure to state I never take offence, and I don't. Because I know there are friends on here who have loved me for me and fancied me. And I know attraction is very subjective. Sometimes getting a "thanks, no thanks" is a major breakthrough but..... each to their own.

The word that Marker44 has not mentioned is Compatibility. I had not realised until now that it encompasses many different factors, from having compatible timings for meets, to similar aims, to sexual preferences. It often is the unspoken elephant in the room.

So, where is my mistress? Who knows..... But the journey I am on is simply that. It started three years ago, and is still ongoing. I hope to arrive one day, and never to have to continue the search.

I keep the faith, for there is no other way.

N

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Dissident - 30 Aug, 2012 - 07:39PM

Yep, the photo thing is where manners definitely fall down! For any of the ladies who hadn't realised, it's also an epic kick to the ego as well, knowing that someone has been interested enough in your profile to ask to see your photos, and then run away screaming when she has done.

But seeing it from the ladies perspective, I know that not all the guys here take rejection quite as well as they might, and that - quite honestly - if the lady isn't interested, then what is the point in sending their password back? It's only likely to lead to more contact from someone who they've lost all interest in.

That said, I have tried to be a lot more gentle when the tables have been turned and I have been the one wishing I'd never asked.

And let's face it, we're guys - we think we're gorgeous even if nobody else does...

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usernamenotavailable - 30 Aug, 2012 - 07:16PM

Remarkable Marker44!

If I were to write of my own experiences, good and bad, of the site it would read almost the same as yours. The women who don't reply to a polite introductory message; those that do the go dead after a few exchanges and yes, those who request your password but renege on the 'bargain'.

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marion2albert - 30 Aug, 2012 - 06:44PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA what a lovely interestin message, m you are right to a tee, i was married when i first joined sadly im now widdowed but cant leave the site im hooked , my messages are few and far between because my profile is blunt honest and to the point just like me ............... im not rude by a long shot never ever would be but why lie? we are what we are , good one m x

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Pure Indulgence - 30 Aug, 2012 - 06:39PM

Great letter Marker44 :)

Nice profile too - I checked you out. Shame you are 'up north'.

I think some of the VKs are sent out to entice us in. I could be wrong with that theory, not sure.

You are right about the password thing. I tend to get the men to hand over theirs first - naughty I know, but I think most women do. It is the classic 'be a gentleman and show me yours first'. I do respond to the men if I don't 'fancy' (not quite the right word) them from their picture and tell them politely.

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theoneman - 30 Aug, 2012 - 06:13PM

Hey! The title is one of my lines!
Rings a tower full of bells.
It's the ones that go silent but keep logging in after you think a rapport has been established. Don't like to speculate on what that could mean. Being polite myself, I appreciate the 'no thanks' replies. A good letter. Well done mate for putting it on here. I don't think I could have done it.

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Eclecticmaiden - 30 Aug, 2012 - 04:20PM

To be fair to the ladies it is difficult to reply to every message when ones inbox is flooded with VK's and other such mail. Perhaps I get more than my fair share? I find that if a first approach mentions sexual expectations it turns me right off, Call me old fashioned but I like a bit of wooing... is that the right word? How do other ladies feel or am I strange?
great letter and made good reading anyway .

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Megaman60 - 30 Aug, 2012 - 03:00PM

Rings a bell with most of the men on here I expect.

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Anonymous User - 30 Aug, 2012 - 02:26PM

What a lovely letter Marker44 and I can't speak for other ladies out there....but this lady agrees with the sentiments of your letter :) I've had similar experiences on here, starting with an I haven't got a clue why I've come on here and feeling naughty at even being there, to meeting some genuinely lovely people and also meeting some who leave you thinking huh? what? About the only thing I can say is it's just as well it's on-line as the anonymity can spare your blushes sometimes both with lovely comments and the not so nice ones! Thanks for sharing M xx

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